SPEAKER_2: Welcome back to Salt Cravings, your number one news for salt tasting podcast.
SPEAKER_2: Today, we're tasting strawberry salt.
SPEAKER_2: My name is Clair.
SPEAKER_1: And my name's Brianna.
SPEAKER_2: Brianna, do you wanna taste this here strawberry salt for me?
SPEAKER_1: Sure, I'd love to.
SPEAKER_1: I just wanna first give a little background history on the strawberry salt that was developed in the strawberry salt mines of Nicaragua, where there were strawberry frees that then got into the ground and combined with the salt to make strawberry salt.
SPEAKER_1: And I'm really, really excited to try this.
SPEAKER_2: Great, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Great, can you, without using the word strawberry, please describe the flavor of the salt?
SPEAKER_1: Sure, it's this sweet and salty combination, of course.
SPEAKER_1: It's got that nice tang.
SPEAKER_1: So that's what I would say the strawberry salt tastes like.
SPEAKER_1: Great.
SPEAKER_1: Do you wanna taste some salt or do we wanna do our podcast?
SPEAKER_2: Mm, I mean, I do like salt.
SPEAKER_1: Why don't we just, yeah, I think this is it, right?
SPEAKER_1: We are just now about salt.
SPEAKER_2: I think we've always been about salt.
SPEAKER_1: Right, we've always been about salt and we're gonna continue being about salt.
SPEAKER_2: We are about the eternal salt.
SPEAKER_2: Do you wanna give me salty craving?
SPEAKER_3: So the thing is, it is kind of a salty craving that I have today.
SPEAKER_2: Great.
SPEAKER_1: Which is to say, it's been a while since we've done food cravings on this podcast.
SPEAKER_1: Some people may have ended up feeling like you can't even crave food, but I'm here to remind you that you can.
SPEAKER_2: Wow, if we don't tell them, they just will not.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, they won't know that you can crave food.
SPEAKER_2: It's really good that we're the inventors of cravings.
SPEAKER_1: We're the inventors of cravings.
SPEAKER_2: Where would cravings come from if not from this podcast?
SPEAKER_2: You have to just pull them out of the air.
SPEAKER_1: We dictate what the cravings are.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, these are manufactured.
SPEAKER_2: These come from a craving factory.
SPEAKER_2: We don't just come up with these.
SPEAKER_2: We are hand-delivered them.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, we have all our staff developing new cravings every day, delivering it straight to us so that we can report it to you.
SPEAKER_1: And so my craving today is, so, salad is a good thing in general, but a lot of salad...
SPEAKER_2: What kind of salad?
SPEAKER_2: There's so many salads.
SPEAKER_2: Just in general.
SPEAKER_1: In general, I mean, it's not any one particular salad.
SPEAKER_1: That's not the important thing here.
SPEAKER_1: I'm just saying salad exists and is good.
SPEAKER_2: I just want to remind all of you out there that salad exists.
SPEAKER_1: Salad exists and it is good for you, and that's good.
SPEAKER_2: But what if I have a salad of Skittle flavors?
SPEAKER_1: Then, I mean, that's your own fucking fault.
SPEAKER_1: That's on you.
SPEAKER_1: But the thing about salad is that it doesn't always taste good.
SPEAKER_1: To me, at least, I really need a good salad dressing to make a salad come together and be enjoyable.
SPEAKER_1: You know, there's good salad dressings out there.
SPEAKER_1: There's stuff that I like.
SPEAKER_1: There's some balsamics that I'm into.
SPEAKER_1: I'm good with a Caesar every once in a while.
SPEAKER_1: But I really need more good and unique salad dressings.
SPEAKER_1: So to give an example of what I mean, at one point, I was the leader at a queer camp, and at that camp, there was a really good salad dressing, a maple balsamic, which in addition to tasting excellent is also a salad dressing type that I have not seen since.
SPEAKER_1: And so I really, really want some more good and unique salad dressings.
SPEAKER_1: Clair, do you have any ideas for new salad dressings?
SPEAKER_2: Strawberry salty shake.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, well...
SPEAKER_2: It's just a milkshake.
SPEAKER_2: It's a strawberry milkshake, but you put the strawberry salt in it and then you pour it on your salad.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, milkshakes, as we know, are just a milkier salad dressings.
SPEAKER_2: True.
SPEAKER_1: So it really is just, you know, the two are linked pretty clearly.
SPEAKER_2: I find often if you do just put a scoop of ice cream on your salad, it does taste a little better.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, when I think of, oh yeah, I want kind of a healthy snack, like a salad of some kind.
SPEAKER_2: I just want a small side salad and a scoop of vanilla on top.
SPEAKER_2: Just a few pieces of lettuce and a big hunk of ice cream.
SPEAKER_1: All right, so we've got this, so we've developed this new salad, but we're unsure about the dressing.
SPEAKER_1: Hey, you know there's an ice cream factory across the street?
SPEAKER_1: Oh, yeah, and I like that it has the strawberry salt in it, right?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it's thematic.
SPEAKER_1: It has to fit the theme, because there are, you know, there are like strawberry balsamics.
SPEAKER_2: For sure.
SPEAKER_1: And there's also strawberries in salads.
SPEAKER_1: There's also strawberries in salads.
SPEAKER_1: There's great salads that have strawberries in them.
SPEAKER_2: Like an olive pickle on strawberry salad.
SPEAKER_1: No lettuce, no spinach, no nothing.
SPEAKER_1: Just olives.
SPEAKER_2: What do you think the pickles are for?
SPEAKER_1: Exactly.
SPEAKER_1: No, I really need your green from somewhere.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, have you been eating your greens?
SPEAKER_1: Yep.
SPEAKER_1: I've been eating my greens.
SPEAKER_1: Pickles, pickles with the salty milkshake salad.
SPEAKER_1: I think salt is a good avenue to kind of go down for salad dressings.
SPEAKER_2: Also, it doesn't like a salad dressing is all about that flavor.
SPEAKER_2: So what if we invent a salad seasoning where it is just different seasoning salts?
SPEAKER_2: And then if you want a dry salad, if you want your mouth to feel like it has just been scraped up all by those chunky little pieces, there's no lubrication with the oils or the creamies.
SPEAKER_1: The creamies, as they call them.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so we have a large array of salad dressings.
SPEAKER_2: The oil-based.
SPEAKER_1: We have some oil-based, some oilies.
SPEAKER_1: And then we have some cream-based ones, some creamies.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that's great.
SPEAKER_1: That's exactly what it is.
SPEAKER_2: That was my intention.
SPEAKER_2: So I think if you do want a dry mouth feel, you just throw on that salt.
SPEAKER_2: Like just think garlic salt salad.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, garlic salt salad, or with a seasoning salt, like you could do barbecue seasoning salt if you really want a barbecue salad.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Or like, you know, curry.
SPEAKER_2: Just seaweed ground down.
SPEAKER_1: Oh yeah, well, you know, seaweed salad.
SPEAKER_2: Or lettuce salt.
SPEAKER_2: Lettuce salt.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, we have celery salt, so why not lettuce salt?
SPEAKER_3: They're basically the same thing.
SPEAKER_2: Now, I want to take this a step further.
SPEAKER_1: Of course you do.
SPEAKER_2: What if instead of lettuce, we just put the lettuce salt in, and instead of celery, we just put the celery salt in, and we just sort of make a salt out of every component, and then we put it all in a bowl, and then we have salt salad.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_1: And it's just like, it's just salad salt.
SPEAKER_2: See, this is great, because then you have a whole spectrum of dryness to your salad.
SPEAKER_2: You can go like wet, where you have just pureed your salad and added the creemies, and then you have the other side of the spectrum, where it is just a bowl full of differently flavored salts.
SPEAKER_1: When people think about salad, the main question that they have is how wet versus dry do I want this experience to be?
SPEAKER_1: And so this really helps with that, where you can puree, or you can just have it all in salt.
SPEAKER_1: I like also the salad salt idea, because then you can put the salad salt on whatever you want and be like, yeah, I'm eating salad, put salad salt on a hamburger.
SPEAKER_2: My salad burger, it's a garden burger.
SPEAKER_2: There's a whole salad in there.
SPEAKER_2: I bet you wouldn't believe it.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I'm sure that would also be really good for your sodium intake.
SPEAKER_1: I would like to also suggest another type of salad dressing, the cheese salad dressing.
SPEAKER_2: Which is different from cheese?
SPEAKER_1: Yes, in that it is processed.
SPEAKER_1: It's sort of like Cheez Whiz.
SPEAKER_2: Ah, great.
SPEAKER_2: That was what came to my mind, was Cheez Whiz, my absolute favorite thing.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, mine too.
SPEAKER_1: Of course, it's everyone's favorite thing.
SPEAKER_1: Everyone just wants that processed cheese flavor.
SPEAKER_1: And now you can have it on a salad.
SPEAKER_2: I love that it is not processed cheese.
SPEAKER_2: It's just the flavor of processed cheese.
SPEAKER_2: You do have some of that metallic tang in there from the factory.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Or American cheese, as they call it, for some reason.
SPEAKER_1: Maybe because it's a godless thing that only Americans can come up with.
SPEAKER_2: It's because cheese looked at it and went, yeah, that's what a cheese would be if it wasn't American.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, pretty much.
SPEAKER_1: The thing about the cheese salad dressing is you can combine it with all sorts of traditional salad dressing flavors.
SPEAKER_1: You have your cheddar balsamic, you know?
SPEAKER_1: But it's not actual cheddar, of course.
SPEAKER_2: So is that just oil and cheese?
SPEAKER_3: Like, wouldn't that get...
SPEAKER_1: No, it's the vinegar in there.
SPEAKER_2: Great, great.
SPEAKER_2: I'm just worried about how the separation, you know, how they don't mix.
SPEAKER_1: No, that's part of the fun.
SPEAKER_1: That's part of what's positive about it.
SPEAKER_2: So it's sort of just like two different salads.
SPEAKER_1: It is, exactly.
SPEAKER_1: You see often very, very fancy chefs.
SPEAKER_1: They really want each bite to be a different experience.
SPEAKER_1: And much like they meticulously like put together meals and food items to be, you know, a different experience every bite, we're doing the same thing here.
SPEAKER_2: This is why every good chef, this is why the best chefs do just deconstruct their food and do just lay it out on a plate.
SPEAKER_2: So when you are eating your salad, you do just have two pieces of lettuce next to a pile of cheese with a bowl of oil.
SPEAKER_2: And then you can just sort of make your own salad.
SPEAKER_1: It is.
SPEAKER_2: You do take a piece of lettuce, wrap a piece of cheese inside of it, and then dip it in oil and shove it in your gullet.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: And you know, one could choose to only put some of it in, but then you're A, wasting.
SPEAKER_2: If you do, you are thrown out and also arrested because it's illegal.
SPEAKER_1: It's illegal to not have all the components of the salad together.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, for sure, for sure.
SPEAKER_1: I think that that's that's accurate.
SPEAKER_1: I think, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: You've committed a food crime.
SPEAKER_1: You've committed a food crime, which this is the thing that we're talking about is definitely not food crimes.
SPEAKER_1: The things we're making are definitely not food crimes.
SPEAKER_1: They're good and positive.
SPEAKER_2: They're food crimes against humanity.
SPEAKER_1: Food crimes against humanity.
SPEAKER_1: That's what we're all about here.
SPEAKER_2: It's the new board game.
SPEAKER_1: As you go around the board, you have to eat different awful like food combinations.
SPEAKER_2: It's like Monopoly, but instead of collecting property, you just eat the board.
SPEAKER_1: It's still made out of cardboard.
SPEAKER_4: It's just slightly differently flavored cardboard.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, just slightly, you know, flavored cardboard, as they say.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, my God.
SPEAKER_1: The possibilities are endless with unique salad dressings, and we could really go on and on, but I am wondering if you have any cravings upon this day.
SPEAKER_2: I do have one more flavor for a salad dressing.
SPEAKER_1: Please give me the one more flavor for the salad dressing.
SPEAKER_2: Cardboard Creamies.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, that's been Salt Cravings, everyone.
SPEAKER_1: We're done here, we're done with the show.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so is it like, okay, I need to know, is the cardboard wet?
SPEAKER_2: Well, no, you see, it's one of your creamies, but it's cardboard flavor.
SPEAKER_2: You know, like when you eat a Monopoly board, but it's not the flavored edition.
SPEAKER_2: When you go to eat that food board game Monopoly, and you forget that it's actually just normal Monopoly, and you take a bite out of your board, and it is just cardboard, and you immediately regret your decision.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that does sound about right.
SPEAKER_1: So there's no actual cardboard in the salad.
SPEAKER_2: It's cardboard flavoring.
SPEAKER_2: Right, it's just cardboard flavoring.
SPEAKER_2: No one really knows what that is.
SPEAKER_2: It's a secret recipe.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, I would say that there is the alternative of you could just have like, instead of the lettuce, have cardboard.
SPEAKER_2: Mmm, crunchy.
SPEAKER_1: This is very much forbidden snacks territory of just like, alright, so instead of lettuce, you have cardboard.
SPEAKER_1: Instead of strawberries, you have...
SPEAKER_2: Marbles.
SPEAKER_1: You have marbles.
SPEAKER_1: Instead of goat cheese, you have glue.
SPEAKER_1: Gloves of glue, and as a salad dressing, you have gasoline.
SPEAKER_2: Great.
SPEAKER_1: Can you save us and give us a different craving that isn't this cursed?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, sure.
SPEAKER_2: I actually wanted to try something a little different at this time.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, so I'm thinking I want to do Omega Craving where I'm just gonna take both of my cravings, and now this is my craving.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_1: Okay.
SPEAKER_1: So wait, this is like a mech, kind of a Voltron style.
SPEAKER_2: It's like if Voltron was enjoyable, and then also a podcast.
SPEAKER_1: And also about cravings.
SPEAKER_2: And also about cravings.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so give me this Voltron of a craving.
SPEAKER_2: Right.
SPEAKER_2: So I do have a class, Creative Writing for Young Adults and Children.
SPEAKER_1: Creative Writing, who would study that?
SPEAKER_1: Fucking losers.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, so I thought because this is your specialty, Brianna, I thought there was no better thing to do than I have an assignment for the first chapter of a novel.
SPEAKER_2: And I've done a quick rough draft, and there's two parts of the scene of the first chapter.
SPEAKER_2: I want to quickly read the first scene, and then I want us to come up with the world.
SPEAKER_2: Because I thought maybe you'd be into that.
SPEAKER_1: I am into this.
SPEAKER_1: You're terrified?
SPEAKER_2: Okay, great.
SPEAKER_2: I'm going to give you zero background, because this is the first scene of the opening chapter.
SPEAKER_2: It has to stand on its own.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: And now I will warn you, and also everyone listening, it's a rough draft.
SPEAKER_1: That's okay.
SPEAKER_1: Everything's a rough draft.
SPEAKER_2: I don't think so, but thank you.
SPEAKER_1: You're welcome.
SPEAKER_1: Please go.
SPEAKER_2: Otto loved finishing a job with a bang.
SPEAKER_2: But fire was acceptable too.
SPEAKER_3: Smile, will ya?
SPEAKER_2: They said, trying to get an image of their target.
SPEAKER_2: You know, you organics always get embarrassed over the littlest things, the most useless things, really.
SPEAKER_2: They put their communicator away.
SPEAKER_2: I'll tell you a little secret though.
SPEAKER_2: I've been embarrassed too.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, yes siree.
SPEAKER_2: I was wrought with embarrassment when I shot the old federation leader, Admiral Raylia.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know if you were around then.
SPEAKER_2: You seem a little green, but that's who Admiral Jacques replaced.
SPEAKER_2: Regardless, I shot and I missed.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, I didn't miss.
SPEAKER_2: I never missed.
SPEAKER_2: I meant to get her in the heart, you know, quick and painless, but I got cocky, didn't calculate the probability of her standing up, and of course, Croatian biology means I had her right smack in the middle of her forearm.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, the noise was terrible, so loud, let me tell you.
SPEAKER_2: It took me a whole 16 milliseconds to get to the next round off, but by then the alarm had already started and I was behind schedule.
SPEAKER_2: You see, I keep a very tight schedule on missions.
SPEAKER_2: Less room for variables.
SPEAKER_2: Ding!
SPEAKER_2: Otto paused.
SPEAKER_2: Bounty received.
SPEAKER_2: They glanced back at the wide eye to drop at a Federation soldier tied up across the table.
SPEAKER_2: Anyways, I don't mean to keep you.
SPEAKER_2: Otto downed the rest of the organic soldier's drink, shot the soldier in the head, stood up and headed towards the exit of the currently burning bar.
SPEAKER_2: You are now behind schedule by 50.64 seconds.
SPEAKER_2: Otto's sub-process chimed in.
SPEAKER_2: It would appear that telling a dead man that you keep a very tight schedule has, in fact, not made it true.
SPEAKER_2: Otto headed towards their ship.
SPEAKER_2: Listen, I could come up with new calculations faster than any of those backwater organics would even think to send a distress signal back to their CO.
SPEAKER_2: Fortunately for us, the distress was sent when you arrived.
SPEAKER_2: Otto immediately recognized the gurgling voice they detest.
SPEAKER_2: I'm going to try that again.
SPEAKER_2: That was gurgly enough.
SPEAKER_1: I need you to gurgle.
SPEAKER_2: Fortunately for us, the distress was sent when you arrived.
SPEAKER_2: Otto immediately recognized the gurgling voice they detested, almost as much as they loved their own voice.
SPEAKER_2: Admiral Jux, I'm so happy you've joined the party.
SPEAKER_2: I actually have a gift I've been meaning to give you.
SPEAKER_2: Otto went to raise the arm they had just finished installing their new scavenger into, a micro cannon from the bar's armed fence droid, but found they were unable to move at all.
SPEAKER_2: Now is not the time for gifts, it would appear, as Jux said with a grin that split his face.
SPEAKER_2: I do hope you know how very long I have waited for this moment.
SPEAKER_2: Immediately Otto felt every one of their process threads dying.
SPEAKER_2: Someone was beginning their fourth shutdown sequence.
SPEAKER_2: And that's the first scene of the first chapter of my novel.
SPEAKER_1: Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_2: That is only ever going to have one chapter.
SPEAKER_1: Of course.
SPEAKER_2: But I want your thoughts.
SPEAKER_2: Tell me.
SPEAKER_1: Alright, so it's clear to me that the main character is a robot.
SPEAKER_2: I'm glad I made that clear.
SPEAKER_1: That's pretty clear.
SPEAKER_1: It's also clear to me that there is a Federation, and that there are organics and people gurgle.
SPEAKER_1: Those are some of the things that I've picked up.
SPEAKER_1: I assume...
SPEAKER_4: People gurgle.
SPEAKER_4: That's a real key point in this whole story.
SPEAKER_4: It's actually a story of how the gurgling victims take over the universe.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I mean, it's the gurgle.
SPEAKER_1: I know that you have a whole name for the Federation.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, the Andromeda Federation.
SPEAKER_1: The Andromeda Federation, but it's really a federation of gurglers.
SPEAKER_2: A federation of gurglers, yes.
SPEAKER_1: And I think the Andromeda Federation is probably a bunch of dicks.
SPEAKER_4: Just a bunch of dicks.
SPEAKER_1: They suck.
SPEAKER_1: I've decided for literally no reason.
SPEAKER_1: Because Otto is, as a character, seems like an asshole.
SPEAKER_1: But I've decided that I like them.
SPEAKER_2: I'm really happy, I just want to say I'm super duper happy that you said Otto is an asshole.
SPEAKER_2: Because when I was making this character, the first line that I wrote down was, is an asshole.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, but I like to believe that they're an asshole who's fighting for a good cause, even though I'm certain that they aren't.
SPEAKER_1: Or at least that they are performing mercenary work on behalf of a good cause, which is of course the rebellion resistance of rebellion.
SPEAKER_1: And they are trying to destroy the Andromeda Federation because of the gurgling.
SPEAKER_2: Do you want me to tell you what I have come up with?
SPEAKER_2: It's actually pronounced Ato.
SPEAKER_2: I've been pronouncing my character's name wrong.
SPEAKER_2: It's not Ato, it's A-T-O, not A-U-T-O.
SPEAKER_2: But it's Ato, and I'm just bad at pronouncing.
SPEAKER_1: Also, pronouncing it as Ato is kind of great in its own way.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I left room for error.
SPEAKER_4: Error is also good.
SPEAKER_2: Ato also leaves room for error, clearly.
SPEAKER_1: Clearly, they're behind schedule.
SPEAKER_2: By 50.64 seconds.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I want to hear what you actually have, because I'm curious about how on the money I was.
SPEAKER_2: So prior this chapter, the background, the history, Ato is a droid or robot, whatever term.
SPEAKER_2: They do have a body.
SPEAKER_2: They were invented by someone.
SPEAKER_2: I don't exactly know who.
SPEAKER_2: And that someone was murdered by the Andromeda Federation.
SPEAKER_4: Gasp!
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, they were murdered by the Andromeda Federation because Ato is a very dangerous machine and it was illegal to make Ato.
SPEAKER_2: Therefore, Ato is responsible.
SPEAKER_4: Illegal bot!
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, basically.
SPEAKER_2: So, Ato's whole existence is bad under the Andromeda Federation, and the Andromeda Federation has existed for a few thousand years, and Ato has existed for a few hundred years.
SPEAKER_2: Ato has killed the previous federation leader, which was mentioned in the beginning of the story.
SPEAKER_2: And Admiral Jux was Admiral Raylia's replacement, who has it out for Ato, because, you know, Ato has murdered a bunch of...
SPEAKER_2: This is not the first federation leader Ato has murdered.
SPEAKER_1: I like to imagine that every time a new federation leader gets installed, their first thing is like, Ato's just like, all right, time to go.
SPEAKER_1: It's just like, that's the biggest threat.
SPEAKER_1: It's just this one robot.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, and also, I like to think that the only people who really want to be federation leaders anymore are the people who have been hurt by Ato.
SPEAKER_2: So they really have it out for each other.
SPEAKER_2: There is this very endless cyclical combat that keeps renewing itself.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, which is interesting because you can kill federation leaders and then they'll get replaced.
SPEAKER_1: There's only one Ato.
SPEAKER_2: There is only one Ato, but Ato is also really good.
SPEAKER_2: And maybe the opening of this chapter doesn't elaborate on that.
SPEAKER_2: However, the ending of this chapter, and I haven't figured out how, Ato is going to fall into a black hole.
SPEAKER_2: Excellent.
SPEAKER_2: Ato wakes up.
SPEAKER_2: And I originally thought Ato wakes up in a room.
SPEAKER_2: It's a very sterile room.
SPEAKER_2: Ato breaks out and all it is is a box.
SPEAKER_2: And Ato is now drifting towards a black hole, and this box is drifting away from them.
SPEAKER_2: But Ato doesn't die.
SPEAKER_2: Of course.
SPEAKER_2: Or Ato does, and something happens.
SPEAKER_2: I haven't come up with it yet.
SPEAKER_2: So this is the first part of my craving.
SPEAKER_2: How does Ato get sucked into the black hole?
SPEAKER_2: What is the inevitable you will never escape?
SPEAKER_2: Jux has set up this trap and given Ato hope, but there is no hope.
SPEAKER_2: And then at the end of the chapter, the black hole happens.
SPEAKER_2: I'm curious, because this is going to influence the chapter, what happens also?
SPEAKER_2: Does Ato actually die?
SPEAKER_2: Is there something on the other side of the black hole?
SPEAKER_2: This is sci-fi.
SPEAKER_2: It doesn't have to be Ato gets crushed, but Ato could also be crushed, and then something else could happen.
SPEAKER_1: Do you want my ideas?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I do.
SPEAKER_2: All of them.
SPEAKER_1: My first thought is, so you know how in the Avengers, they have the containment thing for Loki that was originally supposed to be for the Hulk?
SPEAKER_1: Because they can't directly kill him, but they can trap him in there and drop him out of the sky.
SPEAKER_2: Ooh, and then we get some face-to-face time with Admiral Jux.
SPEAKER_1: Exactly.
SPEAKER_1: You have the whole thing of Atto is in this box and is going to be dropped towards the black hole because Admiral Jux to position.
SPEAKER_2: It's Z-H-U-X.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, Jux to position.
SPEAKER_1: Admiral Jux to position.
SPEAKER_3: God, I think I have to change the name now.
SPEAKER_1: No, it's perfect.
SPEAKER_1: Keep it as is.
SPEAKER_1: He is of the belief that if they just kill Atto, Atto will have a backup somewhere, right?
SPEAKER_1: Because that's a thing that robots can do.
SPEAKER_1: They can just have a backup of the brain.
SPEAKER_2: That's a good idea.
SPEAKER_2: I didn't even think about that.
SPEAKER_2: I almost thought maybe Atto's a little too proud.
SPEAKER_1: But I think it doesn't even matter if they do have that.
SPEAKER_1: I think the point is that they believe, and okay, I have the other bit, which is that the Admiral believes that because there's no way that just one robot...
SPEAKER_2: Is making so much trouble.
SPEAKER_1: Is making so much trouble.
SPEAKER_1: There must be...
SPEAKER_2: And Atto plays it up.
SPEAKER_2: I totally have that all the while, the sub-process, which no one else can hear, by the way.
SPEAKER_2: Atto does talk to themself a lot, which I really love the image of because it's relatable.
SPEAKER_2: Atto is just talking to the sub-process while Jux is talking to them, and Jux is starting to get a little mad because Jux realizes Atto is talking to themself but cannot hear the other side of the conversation.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: So I love this idea that Atto would never ever make a backup but starts to pretend and the sub-process is like, you don't.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, the cage blocks all signals except for voice.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, and he wants to see Atto suffer in the cage where he can't transmit anything out.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, of course Atto doesn't die, right?
SPEAKER_1: Atto doesn't die in the black hole because that's too simple.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, also it's chapter one.
SPEAKER_1: Also chapter one, super protagonist.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I was thinking Atto could die and then comes back as something else, which is why I kind of liked the backup idea.
SPEAKER_2: But what if it's a backup that Atto never created?
SPEAKER_2: What if someone else made this backup?
SPEAKER_1: Oh, and here's the thing.
SPEAKER_1: Here's the other thing about it, because I still love my idea of the rebellion resistance of rebellion, is that they created a backup in case Atto ever died, so that Atto could help them destroy the federation.
SPEAKER_2: And Atto's like, yeah, I was already doing that, I don't need your help.
SPEAKER_2: Atto's like, I don't need your help when they're asking for Atto's help.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, I mean, you just have to have all the comedy of Atto trying to adjust to the new body.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, that's very good.
SPEAKER_4: Right?
SPEAKER_2: Because Atto's also a bounty hunter, hence the bounty.
SPEAKER_2: Atto steals tech and upgrades themself and has survived hundreds of years that way.
SPEAKER_2: This new body sucks, doesn't it?
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: What are some of the parts on this new body?
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so it's got to be like a reconstructed protocol droid of some kind.
SPEAKER_1: Like a C-3PO style.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, that's so bad.
SPEAKER_1: Like shit that they tried to turn into.
SPEAKER_1: Because they know how to recreate a droid, but they wouldn't know how to create Atto from scratch because no one knows how to create Atto from scratch, except for their original creator who died.
SPEAKER_1: So it's like a protocol droid, and they just have an awful voice that they hate.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, ooh.
SPEAKER_1: Not to get trans on it, but an awful voice.
SPEAKER_2: That's really good.
SPEAKER_1: I like that.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, body parts that are not made for fluid movement.
SPEAKER_1: I'll have you know points.
SPEAKER_2: Goes to raise arm can't.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, basically can't raise arms above their head.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, my goodness.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, and here's the fun thing.
SPEAKER_1: That's the reason why Addo ends up staying with the Rebellion, because they're like, fine.
SPEAKER_2: At first, they're like, oh, I got this.
SPEAKER_2: And then they try to open a door, and they just miss the button because their hand-eye coordination is off.
SPEAKER_2: And they're like, it looks like they're leaning against the wall, and they just go, where's my room?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, and their whole thing is like, all right, I'll help you, but you need to build me a better body.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, and so the only person who can is their old creator.
SPEAKER_2: So they have to find the old lab of the creator who did have a hidden lab.
SPEAKER_1: Of course.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, that's where the actual mechanics of Ado were in the schematics, so Ado can make a new body for themself.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, I love this.
SPEAKER_2: And that would be the novel, and then taking down the Federation.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, because you have the, in the traditional hero's journey, even though this is the anti-hero's journey, right?
SPEAKER_1: There's the point where the hero is back, basically.
SPEAKER_2: Of course, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Of course, there's always that point where the hero is like, all right, I'm the hero now.
SPEAKER_1: And that's the point where Ado gets to build back their original body.
SPEAKER_2: It's the typical, like, hero starts on top of the world.
SPEAKER_2: Hero is struck down and starts from nothing.
SPEAKER_1: Exactly, which is always fun and good and positive.
SPEAKER_1: I also love this because, like, probably the Rebellion has good reasons why they want to take down the Federation, but Ado doesn't give a shit.
SPEAKER_2: I also want to say the Federation, for the most part, is a really good place.
SPEAKER_2: They, you know, make sure everyone under the Federation's watch can eat, has a place to stay.
SPEAKER_2: There are probably a hundred or so planets under the Federation's, like, protection.
SPEAKER_2: So there's also that, and Ado super doesn't care, but I think the Rebellion does.
SPEAKER_1: I think the Rebellion does.
SPEAKER_1: You know, it could be anything, right?
SPEAKER_1: There's always ways to make a utopia be dystopic for other people, right?
SPEAKER_1: To be like, if you're not in the Federation, you're fucked.
SPEAKER_1: Or just to have it be like, oh yeah, you get food and this and this and this and this, but you can't do this.
SPEAKER_1: You can't criticize.
SPEAKER_1: You can't whatever.
SPEAKER_2: I actually, so for the second...
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, give me the second part of your craving.
SPEAKER_2: So for the second part of the craving, I want to come up with why does the Rebellion want to take down the Federation?
SPEAKER_2: Because for all intents and purposes, I want the Federation to be 99% good.
SPEAKER_2: I want it to be like a civilization that does open its arms to new planets, and will of course help you.
SPEAKER_2: Maybe not as...
SPEAKER_1: It's some Star Trek.
SPEAKER_1: Like it's a Star Trek Federation.
SPEAKER_2: It's a real good place.
SPEAKER_2: It's just the fact that you can't create weapons of mass destruction, and under the classification, Atto was a weapon of mass destruction.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: And then they murdered, I think almost maybe...
SPEAKER_2: I can't decide if it's an accident or not.
SPEAKER_2: I think the creator dies.
SPEAKER_2: I'm either in hiding or dies, but Atto thinks he's dead.
SPEAKER_2: That's the underlying thing, is Atto thinks they're dead.
SPEAKER_2: And because of that reason, has started murdering them for hundreds of years.
SPEAKER_2: And now the Federation of course has very good reason to come after Atto.
SPEAKER_2: So why is there a rebellion?
SPEAKER_2: What has the Federation done that there's a rebellion?
SPEAKER_1: There's all sorts of options, right?
SPEAKER_1: There's petty reasons, right?
SPEAKER_1: You fucking like executed my father or stuff like that.
SPEAKER_1: I think, but then there's also reasons of like, sorry, let me just back up on you executed my father.
SPEAKER_1: There's absolutely a relative of Atto's creator.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, no.
SPEAKER_1: And Atto just sort of meets this person, and probably this person is who helped build the backup body.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, that's really good.
SPEAKER_1: And like they meet and they're like, hey, you're like kind of my dad's son.
SPEAKER_2: We're kind of siblings.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, that's really good for sibling dynamics.
SPEAKER_1: Of course it is, right?
SPEAKER_1: One's organic and one's robotic.
SPEAKER_2: I do also love the idea of the sub process getting jealous.
SPEAKER_4: That's so good.
SPEAKER_2: When Otto eventually at some point during the story starts to warm up towards the sibling.
SPEAKER_4: You know what?
SPEAKER_2: Actually, I think Otto would care about the sibling because Otto cares about the creator.
SPEAKER_2: So therefore, Otto cares about this person.
SPEAKER_2: Unless.
SPEAKER_1: Unless they're like, you're nothing like he was.
SPEAKER_2: So I could definitely see this.
SPEAKER_2: Like, Otto doesn't trust this person at first, but then they like prove themselves.
SPEAKER_2: And then there's the brotherly, I mean, I don't think either of them are brothers, but they're sibling loves.
SPEAKER_2: They're sibling loves.
SPEAKER_2: And then, of course, the sub processor, which is also Otto, I should say.
SPEAKER_1: Of course.
SPEAKER_2: Every version of Otto is Otto.
SPEAKER_1: Gets jealous.
SPEAKER_1: Of course, and I love that.
SPEAKER_3: Because Otto usually talks to themself.
SPEAKER_1: It's very good.
SPEAKER_1: This is all very excellent.
SPEAKER_1: Disgruntling petty reasons of like, you did this specifically to my family.
SPEAKER_1: What are reasons in general that Rebellion could want to take down this, like, good place?
SPEAKER_2: I was thinking, what if the Federation, by putting so much of its resources into trying to eliminate Otto, who for hundreds of years has been causing these problems, has started to fail the people?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I think...
SPEAKER_2: And like, it started like, the Federation as a result, some of the quote, less important planets have started to have their resources pulled.
SPEAKER_1: There's something to be said about stagnation.
SPEAKER_1: Something that I've seen talk about is like, how do you have a state that never changes?
SPEAKER_1: And call that utopia, right?
SPEAKER_1: Because the needs are always going to change.
SPEAKER_1: And probably at first, the Federation was very good at like, adapting, but now it has gotten so interested in tradition.
SPEAKER_1: And it's also because they've been fighting the same bot for hundreds of years, they've begun to stagnate.
SPEAKER_1: And the needs of the people and the beliefs of the people have changed and come forward, and the Federation has not gone with them.
SPEAKER_2: I do love that.
SPEAKER_1: Thank you.
SPEAKER_2: I think it might be a combination.
SPEAKER_2: I think it might be...
SPEAKER_1: I think it's both.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I think it is both.
SPEAKER_1: It's got to be, right?
SPEAKER_2: Like you have less resources because they're diverting them too.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Well, and they still look after the people, sure.
SPEAKER_1: But it is like, there's a lot more of a realm of like, we need to preserve tradition, we need to preserve the way that we've done things.
SPEAKER_2: And I think Jux is the pinnacle of this.
SPEAKER_2: I think Jux was, we are...
SPEAKER_1: Lawful neutrality.
SPEAKER_2: I almost want to say like, lawful evil.
SPEAKER_2: Lawful evil versus chaotic neutral.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: That's a pretty good reason for Belling to be like, once upon a time, this place was pretty sick, but also like, we're being supplied with the same food that we were supplied with hundreds of years ago.
SPEAKER_1: And like, no one wants to make anything new and invent anything new, which also plays in well to the theme of Atto trying to go back to their old body.
SPEAKER_1: Or to build a new body.
SPEAKER_2: Atto finds the schematics and then tosses them aside, even though they've journeyed so far, and just looks at everything around them and is like, you know, I can do better.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, exactly, exactly.
SPEAKER_1: And then you have, of course, the Iron Man style montage of Atto.
SPEAKER_2: My favorite book thing, the Iron Man style montage is a great read.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, right, this is a book.
SPEAKER_1: Listen, I got really into the aesthetics of this, okay?
SPEAKER_2: You know, here, and that's a good, that's good, because, and maybe this is a little extra of me, but the video game that I want to create does take place in the Milky Way Galaxy.
SPEAKER_2: The story takes place in the Andromeda Galaxy, and they are the same universe.
SPEAKER_1: Listen, Clair, I need you to understand that as me being me, I love that.
SPEAKER_1: I think that that is amazing, because I am also a person who has found a way to link my modern-day werewolf story to two different timelines, one that's an apocalyptic timeline, and another that is a sci-fi, like, future timeline, and the linkage is the way magic appears.
SPEAKER_1: And this is the ideal thing to do.
SPEAKER_2: I was thinking about it this morning, and I am just going to have an Andromeda Federation soldier in my game at one point.
SPEAKER_2: Not obvious, just be like, hmm, I missed the fleet back in the Andromeda galaxy, or just some offhand, and then I eventually want to make a sequel that is this story.
SPEAKER_2: So my point was, all these beautiful visuals that you're thinking up, it's great, because I do want to eventually turn them into a game.
SPEAKER_1: This is perfect.
SPEAKER_1: Also, the sibling helps Otto create their new body.
SPEAKER_1: I thought I didn't know if I wanted to make that clear.
SPEAKER_1: I think Otto's sibling probably does the same thing that the father did.
SPEAKER_2: But not to the same degree.
SPEAKER_2: I'm thinking, does ship work?
SPEAKER_1: Probably, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: As a ship engineer versus Otto's creator or father, I guess we're just saying it.
SPEAKER_4: That's fine.
SPEAKER_2: Otto has a daddy.
SPEAKER_1: We've got Otto.
SPEAKER_1: Otto's daddy.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, this was good.
SPEAKER_1: This is very, very cool.
SPEAKER_2: I'm glad.
SPEAKER_2: I'm glad that we flushed this out.
SPEAKER_2: This is definitely, I know how this first chapter is going to go now.
SPEAKER_2: You've solved my craving of not knowing how to write this chapter.
SPEAKER_1: This is the ideal.
SPEAKER_1: We've done collaborative storytelling is what we've done here, Clair.
SPEAKER_4: This is really good.
SPEAKER_1: This is what my thesis is about.
SPEAKER_2: Do you want to give me a thesis craving?
SPEAKER_1: I don't have a thesis craving, and before I get into my craving...
SPEAKER_2: You're going to write a thesis on it?
SPEAKER_4: No, though I could.
SPEAKER_1: I would like to do a fan craving.
SPEAKER_2: A craving?
SPEAKER_1: A craving.
SPEAKER_1: We had a craving submission from someone who listens to the show, and I'd like for us to hear what the craving is.
SPEAKER_2: Can we say who the craving was from?
SPEAKER_1: They have a way that they've signed it.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, great.
SPEAKER_2: All right.
SPEAKER_2: Go ahead and read it.
SPEAKER_2: I'm all ears.
SPEAKER_1: So here's the submission.
SPEAKER_1: Hello, Brianna and Clair, big fan of the podcast.
SPEAKER_1: Thank you.
SPEAKER_1: I was wondering if you ladies would be interested in solving my craving.
SPEAKER_2: Orcs.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, no.
SPEAKER_1: It's so hard to find smart orc content.
SPEAKER_1: They often get typecasted as beefy bimbos, and they are so much more than that.
SPEAKER_1: What do?
SPEAKER_1: Sincerely thirsty for an orc GF.
SPEAKER_4: Okay, so I just I know, I know exactly where you're going to go with this.
SPEAKER_4: I know exactly where you're going to go with this.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, there's a lot of places to go with it.
SPEAKER_4: Lem.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, yeah, lem, obviously.
SPEAKER_2: Friends at the Table, the thing that comes up on this podcast probably every episode.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I mean, I'm generally pro the way that Friends at the Table has done orcs.
SPEAKER_1: Like, it's the way that the world is, is that orcs are archivists and like nerds.
SPEAKER_1: They're nerdy archivists.
SPEAKER_2: They're the big buff nerdy boyfriend that you always thought you need.
SPEAKER_1: Exactly.
SPEAKER_1: And that's a super duper good way to take them.
SPEAKER_1: So Thirsty for an Orc GF needs us to come up with some orc stuff.
SPEAKER_1: And so we've got that example, right?
SPEAKER_1: We've got that example.
SPEAKER_1: There's other examples, I'm sure, of people doing orcs well, but they are few and far between.
SPEAKER_1: So, Clair, what's the, how can we make orcs get what they deserve?
SPEAKER_2: So I'm just going to go on a limb here and say we have to keep them beefy.
SPEAKER_1: Of course.
SPEAKER_1: If you, what's a, you can't have an orc twink.
SPEAKER_2: Wait, wait.
SPEAKER_1: But you could.
SPEAKER_4: But you could have an orc twink.
SPEAKER_1: Thinking about it, you could have some twinkie orcs.
SPEAKER_2: Thinking about it again, I kind of like the idea of an orc twink.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, I'm a fan of orc twinks.
SPEAKER_2: They're very, like, they're very sleek and slender orcs.
SPEAKER_2: And what if they're like water-based, like, mission people?
SPEAKER_2: Like, they can swim real good because they're so twinkie.
SPEAKER_1: Clair, Clair, Clair, Clair, Clair, Clair, Clair.
SPEAKER_1: Pirate orcs, pirate orcs, pirate orcs.
SPEAKER_2: Someone brought up that you bring up pirates a lot.
SPEAKER_1: Someone did bring up that I bring up pirates a lot, so maybe we don't need to go.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, you could just have mermaid orcs.
SPEAKER_2: Mmm.
SPEAKER_1: You have, you have...
SPEAKER_2: I feel like we gotta, we gotta keep orcs, orcs.
SPEAKER_4: We do gotta keep orcs, orcs.
SPEAKER_2: We can't just combine orcs with other...
SPEAKER_1: True...
SPEAKER_2: .
SPEAKER_2: creatures.
SPEAKER_1: I like the idea that orcs are just really good at swimming.
SPEAKER_2: There are for sure mermaid orcs, that's for sure.
SPEAKER_2: Those exist, 100%.
SPEAKER_2: But I wanna talk about orcs.
SPEAKER_1: I think, I think orcs, probably these orcs at the very least.
SPEAKER_1: And I don't think they're all twinkie, right?
SPEAKER_1: There's some that are, there's some that's beefy.
SPEAKER_1: It's, you know, a variation, just like humans have.
SPEAKER_2: Wild.
SPEAKER_1: Wild.
SPEAKER_1: A fantasy race is getting to have...
SPEAKER_2: Variation?
SPEAKER_3: Variations, wow.
SPEAKER_2: Weird.
SPEAKER_1: But I think they probably live and are on like an island-like area that has probably mountainous, right?
SPEAKER_1: Because orcs being in the mountains is always fun to me.
SPEAKER_2: I think they're very boat.
SPEAKER_2: I think they're near water and they do a lot of boat stuff.
SPEAKER_4: And they fish a lot.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, they're probably like an island group, right?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Island orcs.
SPEAKER_4: Beach orcs.
SPEAKER_1: Oh yeah, because you have fisher orcs.
SPEAKER_2: Party orcs.
SPEAKER_1: Party orcs.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, that's good.
SPEAKER_1: Party orcs having like bonfires on the beach.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: And you know you have your frat bro orc.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, you definitely do.
SPEAKER_2: That's your traditional orc who does cause mayhem and destruction is your frat bro orc.
SPEAKER_1: And it's not because they are an orc.
SPEAKER_2: It's because they are drunk.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: And then they wake up the next day and they're like, Oh, I am so sorry.
SPEAKER_2: I am so embarrassed of my actions.
SPEAKER_2: I caused mayhem on this nice beach.
SPEAKER_2: I was so drunk.
SPEAKER_1: And there's probably a very like, there's a big thing about responsibility because like this is all we've got, right?
SPEAKER_1: Like, yeah, you can't just go around causing mayhem because someone has to clean that up.
SPEAKER_1: We don't have the wide open expanse to just go start a new somewhere else.
SPEAKER_1: We got to respect the place that we're from.
SPEAKER_2: But at the same time, there are parties.
SPEAKER_1: If I may, I think you have some nerd orcs, right?
SPEAKER_1: Because like...
SPEAKER_2: Can I throw an idea out there?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, throw me an idea.
SPEAKER_2: What if the orcs have a game called Tusks and Dragons?
SPEAKER_4: And it is a dice based game, and they do play it.
SPEAKER_1: And they play as humans.
SPEAKER_4: And humans only have one body type.
SPEAKER_2: And it is large, and there is no variation.
SPEAKER_2: And they all wage war.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_2: It's just a species of war wagers who don't think through their actions.
SPEAKER_2: And orcs are just like, wow, I'm really glad that doesn't exist in real life.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, and of course, I think this is probably a universe where there's other fantasy races.
SPEAKER_1: Probably no humans, though.
SPEAKER_2: Elves, elves, I'm just going to say this.
SPEAKER_2: They make airplanes and they do fly around in the air a lot.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, probably.
SPEAKER_1: And like, because one of the things about orcs that is unfortunate is the way that they are always viewed as like corrupted elves.
SPEAKER_1: Oh.
SPEAKER_1: The two traditional ways that orcs tend to get made in fantasy, one is they're elves who fell to like corruption, to demons, to some sort of thing and became orcs.
SPEAKER_1: The other ways that they are manufactured in like a forge by someone or something.
SPEAKER_2: Now, I kind of like the first idea, and now hear me out.
SPEAKER_2: Orcs are descended from elves, and they teamed up with some demons, for sure.
SPEAKER_2: Demons aren't bad.
SPEAKER_2: Demons help out in orc society.
SPEAKER_2: In fact, like some orcs have demon daddies.
SPEAKER_1: And that's probably pretty established in orc society.
SPEAKER_1: It's just like we have this sort of culture, we have these sorts of people around, and I think that orcs and elves have a pretty cordial relationship.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I think the elves come in with their airplanes and unload and bring in new resources.
SPEAKER_4: They have a good training.
SPEAKER_2: When the inevitable frat bro party destruction happens, the elves are there to help out.
SPEAKER_2: They're helping, they're given.
SPEAKER_1: I think it's similar to the way that in our world, England and France used to be sworn enemies, and now they're chill with one another for some reason.
SPEAKER_1: The reason is history.
SPEAKER_2: That's my favorite citation, history.
SPEAKER_1: And orcs go and help out with the elves, too.
SPEAKER_1: They've got their whole own things going on.
SPEAKER_1: But I think the orcs have a pretty good island society.
SPEAKER_1: I think the other thing that is great about this is that you get orcs in Hawaiian shirts, which is perfect, with like swim shorts.
SPEAKER_2: Beach volleyball orcs.
SPEAKER_1: Beach volleyball orcs!
SPEAKER_2: There you go, you have your beach volleyball orc girlfriend ready to beat the competition for you.
SPEAKER_1: Exactly.
SPEAKER_2: I hope that satisfies your craving.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, we've done our best to bring you some good orcs.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, do you want to give me with a non-orc craving, maybe an...
SPEAKER_2: an orc craving?
SPEAKER_1: An orc craving, sure.
SPEAKER_1: So, of furniture pieces.
SPEAKER_1: In that, okay, let me...
SPEAKER_1: let me...
SPEAKER_1: let me finish.
SPEAKER_2: I'm not saying anything.
SPEAKER_1: There's a lot of furniture pieces that are necessary, and then there's furniture pieces that aren't so much necessary as cool.
SPEAKER_1: And stuff that I want to have.
SPEAKER_1: One of the things that I've said that like, if I were to ever get myself like, a furniture piece that is superfluous in some way...
SPEAKER_2: Sorry, I just...
SPEAKER_2: I have to ask, can you define furniture piece?
SPEAKER_4: Sure.
SPEAKER_1: It's like a sit furniture piece, like a chair, couch.
SPEAKER_1: And then there's a storage furniture piece, like a bookshelf.
SPEAKER_1: And then there's a table furniture piece, or cupboard furniture piece.
SPEAKER_1: And then there's bed furniture piece.
SPEAKER_4: You're just putting furniture piece at the end of boards.
SPEAKER_1: What do you want?
SPEAKER_1: What other definition of furniture piece do you want?
SPEAKER_1: It's a thing that goes in your house that you use.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, great.
SPEAKER_2: That was a very good definition.
SPEAKER_1: A big thing that goes in your house that you use for purposes.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, great.
SPEAKER_1: And one such furniture piece that I want, that I absolutely do not need, but that I super want is to have a vanity.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_1: Doing makeup is hard when you're disabled and mirrors standing up not a good time.
SPEAKER_1: Vanities would solve this issue, right?
SPEAKER_1: You don't have to lean anywhere.
SPEAKER_1: You don't have to...
SPEAKER_1: You can sit down and do all that.
SPEAKER_1: And I want to know, what are some of the features of the ideal vanity?
SPEAKER_2: I think we have to have like the plug-in port, right?
SPEAKER_1: Yes!
SPEAKER_2: It's modern.
SPEAKER_1: It's modern.
SPEAKER_1: You have to have...
SPEAKER_2: You have to have a phone charger.
SPEAKER_1: You have to have a phone charger because like you need to have the phone playing music.
SPEAKER_2: And also the mirror is a touchscreen.
SPEAKER_1: The mirror is a touch...
SPEAKER_1: Okay, well hang on.
SPEAKER_1: Yes.
SPEAKER_1: And why?
SPEAKER_1: What purpose does having it be a touchscreen serve?
SPEAKER_1: What can the mirror do?
SPEAKER_2: It also has speakers and bass that can play music as you do your makeup.
SPEAKER_2: And so you control the music with the touchscreen.
SPEAKER_2: And it's connected to Spotify, you know.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
SPEAKER_1: Or connected to your phone.
SPEAKER_2: Or your favorite podcast.
SPEAKER_1: Or your favorite podcast, Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_1: Which you can, yeah, you can play Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: You can play Salt Cravings on your vanity.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_1: I think that's an excellent feature.
SPEAKER_1: I think just like perfect drawers, right?
SPEAKER_1: Just perfect drawers for all of the different makeup things.
SPEAKER_1: And you have it all organized perfectly, right?
SPEAKER_1: So that you can, you know, just sort of reach.
SPEAKER_2: And this sounds like a craving I would have.
SPEAKER_2: And so I am going to say, you know an attic door where if you're in the attic, you can sort of pull it up and like open it.
SPEAKER_2: What if you had something like that on top of the vanity and you pulled it open and sort of, it was like a pop-up book.
SPEAKER_2: But instead of a pop-up thing, you open it and there's like trays for your makeup.
SPEAKER_2: And then you can just close that again.
SPEAKER_2: And it all goes away.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I really, that's super cool.
SPEAKER_1: And I am so into that.
SPEAKER_1: You have to have obviously good lighting, but oh, here's the thing about the lighting.
SPEAKER_1: You can change the lighting using the touch screen for different levels of light, depending on the situation you're going into.
SPEAKER_2: Are you going to a ball dance?
SPEAKER_2: Ball dance is a good phrase.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, are you going to a ball dance?
SPEAKER_1: You can probably set defaults of like, here's the work setting, right?
SPEAKER_1: Here's the club setting, I don't know.
SPEAKER_2: Maybe this is a little too, maybe some people will like this, but I like this.
SPEAKER_2: What if you could sync your calendar to it, and then if you have the event with the location, it can start to predict the light setting for the time.
SPEAKER_2: This is just my tech thing being like, oh, we could just easily predict your location based on your phone and what's in your calendar the time that you're going out.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_1: It's not funny.
SPEAKER_1: It's just useful.
SPEAKER_1: It's just a useful thing that some people would really enjoy, including you.
SPEAKER_2: Including me.
SPEAKER_1: I think you have to have a good chair.
SPEAKER_2: Is the chair a part of the vanity?
SPEAKER_1: I think it could probably be connected to it.
SPEAKER_2: How so?
SPEAKER_2: How does it connect?
SPEAKER_2: Does it fold away easy?
SPEAKER_2: Or what's up?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, maybe it's something like that where it just folds away.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, it has to be comfortable.
SPEAKER_1: That's important.
SPEAKER_1: It has to be comfortable and have a full back, which is important.
SPEAKER_2: You don't want a stool?
SPEAKER_4: No, I'm good.
SPEAKER_2: You don't just want a stool with no arm or back support?
SPEAKER_4: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: And it's a hard stool.
SPEAKER_2: There's no cushioning whatsoever.
SPEAKER_1: That's exactly what I want.
SPEAKER_1: I think it could probably be moved in terms of how close you want it.
SPEAKER_1: It can probably adjust.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know.
SPEAKER_1: Maybe it doesn't need to be connected to the vanity.
SPEAKER_1: Is this excessive?
SPEAKER_1: So, yeah, and probably it folds away, right?
SPEAKER_1: Because, you know, you can probably, oh, oh, and to keep with the tech things, you got a button, the button for make the chair come out, and make the chair fold back in.
SPEAKER_1: Then you don't have to, like, you know, go through the whole thing.
SPEAKER_2: Of moving the chair yourself with your arm.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I think it folds into the vanity, right?
SPEAKER_2: Okay.
SPEAKER_1: So you have that space available for existing, I guess.
SPEAKER_1: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_2: I was thinking you press the back of the chair, like, it's a solid front, and then in the middle, there's a square, and you push that in like a button or a click in, and it pops out, and the back increases up, so you have a full back.
SPEAKER_1: I like that too.
SPEAKER_1: I'm into that too.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, we can have all sorts of, we could probably have all sorts of different designs.
SPEAKER_2: We can have all sorts of very good vanity designs.
SPEAKER_1: Very good vanity designs.
SPEAKER_1: Some probably maybe don't even have the chair as a part of it, right?
SPEAKER_1: It's just bring your own chair.
SPEAKER_1: Bring your own chair.
SPEAKER_2: Now, that's a party.
SPEAKER_1: Now, that's a party.
SPEAKER_2: All the orcs have BYOC parties.
SPEAKER_2: Here's one last question.
SPEAKER_2: When you look into the mirror, do you want it to like show you different makeup options?
SPEAKER_1: Yes.
SPEAKER_3: Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, this is exactly the thing that I want, because there's apps that do that on a phone.
SPEAKER_2: And then the vanity just highlights your drawers that contains the makeup of the look.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I, fuck, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_1: I think that that's for sure.
SPEAKER_2: This is the vanity of the future, and it's the vanity we all deserve.
SPEAKER_1: What's it called?
SPEAKER_1: Vana 2.0.
SPEAKER_3: What?
SPEAKER_1: Like vanity 2.0.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Vana 2.
SPEAKER_2: So you know how vain is the feeling that the vanity is named after, and vain is also a thing in your body.
SPEAKER_2: What if we called it the capillary?
SPEAKER_1: Well, we can't come up with anything better than that.
SPEAKER_2: The high tech capillary.
SPEAKER_1: The high tech capillary of the future.
SPEAKER_2: It's like caterpillar.
SPEAKER_1: There's a caterpillar color.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, that's adorable.
SPEAKER_1: Obviously, there's lots of different colors, so you can customize it.
SPEAKER_2: What's your favorite caterpillar style?
SPEAKER_1: What's your favorite caterpillar style?
SPEAKER_2: It's all customizable.
SPEAKER_1: It's all customizable.
SPEAKER_2: Well, with your capillary under your arm, as you're carrying it out the door.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, this giant vanity.
SPEAKER_2: It folds down into an inch by inch cube.
SPEAKER_2: It's perfect.
SPEAKER_2: It is perfect.
SPEAKER_2: This has been Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_1: This has been Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: If you want to find us on the social medias, you can find us at Salt Cravings on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.
SPEAKER_2: And hey, if you want to hear your orc fantasies or maybe your other fantasies that are also Cravings, you can email us at contact at saltcravings.com.
SPEAKER_1: And yeah, and we will check it.
SPEAKER_2: And we will satisfy your cravings.
SPEAKER_1: We will satisfy your cravings.
SPEAKER_2: One way or another.
SPEAKER_1: We're going to find you.
SPEAKER_4: We're going to get you, get you, get you, get you.
SPEAKER_1: If you want to do something nice for us, leave us a review or rating.
SPEAKER_2: I'm pretty sure that's the same thing.
SPEAKER_2: On iTunes at least.
SPEAKER_2: Go to iTunes.
SPEAKER_1: Can you do that on Google Play?
SPEAKER_2: You could probably do that on Google Play.
SPEAKER_2: You know what, I have an idea.
SPEAKER_2: Listener, go to Google Play, open it up and try to leave a review.
SPEAKER_2: Then you'll know for sure.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Or just do it on iTunes, where you definitely can do it.
SPEAKER_2: Or both.
SPEAKER_1: Or hey, you know, all of the other podcast apps.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: So yeah, do that wherever you listen to podcasts.
SPEAKER_2: If it goes in your ears, make sure to frack it down, and then, you know, force it to tell you where are the reviews.
SPEAKER_2: Where are the ratings?
SPEAKER_2: Where do I go?
SPEAKER_2: What door is the ratings?
SPEAKER_2: If you don't tell me, I will find you, and I will...
SPEAKER_1: And I will send Otto after you.
SPEAKER_2: I will send Otto after you.
SPEAKER_2: I am actually Otto's sibling.
SPEAKER_1: Wow.
SPEAKER_1: This is a plot twist.
SPEAKER_2: It was my father who invented Otto.
SPEAKER_2: Yes.
SPEAKER_1: What a cliffhanger to leave this episode on.
SPEAKER_2: And also, there's a black hole.