SPEAKER_1: Welcome to Salt Cravings, a podcast about solving a craving.
SPEAKER_1: My name's Clair.
SPEAKER_2: My name's Brianna.
SPEAKER_1: And today we're gonna go as fast as possible.
SPEAKER_1: Brianna, what's your first craving?
SPEAKER_1: What?
SPEAKER_2: Clair, this is very fast.
SPEAKER_2: We're going at zero speeds.
SPEAKER_2: This is a lot.
SPEAKER_2: Um, my first craving is food chemistry.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, interesting.
SPEAKER_1: I think I fell off.
SPEAKER_1: I'm not going fast anymore.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, okay, I'll get off the track.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, that's not ideal.
SPEAKER_1: So tell me about food chemistry.
SPEAKER_2: So food chemistry is always really interesting to me because science is cool, and it's even cooler when you can eat science.
SPEAKER_1: Science, we should eat it.
SPEAKER_2: That's what I'm saying here today.
SPEAKER_2: And one of the things that I've been watching on YouTube a lot, it's actually two series by the Bon Appetit YouTube channel, which one is It's Alive, which is primarily about things that are alive that are food, like bacteria, like culture and stuff, and fermenting.
SPEAKER_2: I thought you just meant like, eat the live lobster.
SPEAKER_2: There is that.
SPEAKER_2: There is also that.
SPEAKER_2: It's anything that's alive, but the primary stuff in the series is about fermenting and pickling and stuff like that, and watching as bacteria does some cool stuff to food.
SPEAKER_2: And then the other series I've been watching on that channel is Gourmet Makes, which is where pastry chef Clair Safitz attempts to recreate snack foods, to recreate stuff like Kit Kats and Oreos and Ferrero Rocheres.
SPEAKER_2: Basically reverse engineer them and create her own versions that are even better, and that often involves a lot of food chemistry.
SPEAKER_2: And the point is, I've been watching a lot of things that have a lot to do with food chemistry, and I think it's really, really interesting the ways that using temperature and time and bacteria can make things different and cool.
SPEAKER_1: So you've been watching media with other Clairs in it?
SPEAKER_2: I don't know how to...
SPEAKER_2: I didn't know how to tell you this.
SPEAKER_2: I figured I'd tell you on the podcast.
SPEAKER_2: I've been Clair cheating on you.
SPEAKER_1: Oh my god.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, but I guess bacteria are cool.
SPEAKER_1: I'm not betrayed or anything.
SPEAKER_2: Listen, Clair, it's just you have to just, you know, if you made your own food series where you recreated famous snack dishes, I would have to...
SPEAKER_2: I would just watch you, you know?
SPEAKER_2: She's just offering something that you're not.
SPEAKER_2: I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_1: Well, I guess we're gonna have to solve this craving by making our own show about...
SPEAKER_2: Oh my god, that focuses on food chemistry.
SPEAKER_2: I was thinking we would tell, you know, some fun food chemistry facts that are definitely real.
SPEAKER_2: And maybe that's what our show can be about, food chemistry facts that are definitely real and not at all made up.
SPEAKER_1: Welcome to our show.
SPEAKER_2: Welcome to our show.
SPEAKER_2: What's the premise of our show, Clair?
SPEAKER_1: Well, we tell you very definitely real science food facts, and you do it at home in your kitchen.
SPEAKER_2: Well, we can actually show...
SPEAKER_1: And it's all 100% safe.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, like we can show stuff, you know, on camera, so they know exactly how to do it, right?
SPEAKER_1: So here's one.
SPEAKER_1: If you dangle a knife above an egg, an egg will become so scared that it will eventually just curdle in its shell.
SPEAKER_1: You do have to hold it above the egg long enough, and you can even string it up with like some rope or something if you want to go do other stuff.
SPEAKER_1: The problem is the egg will eventually revolt.
SPEAKER_1: So you do have to keep it penned up.
SPEAKER_1: You have to keep it in a cage.
SPEAKER_2: And you also have to keep it just a single egg.
SPEAKER_2: Don't try this with multiple eggs.
SPEAKER_2: They will, you know, form communities and start a revolution together.
SPEAKER_1: Do you want to give me a fact about food science?
SPEAKER_2: I would love to give you a food science fact.
SPEAKER_2: So if you bury a piece of cheese in the ground, eventually you will grow a cheese sprout.
SPEAKER_2: You know, it's called, it's technically, you know, a plant that started from cheese, but it actually has mushrooms on the stems.
SPEAKER_2: It flowers and creates mushrooms, but they're like really cheesy mushrooms.
SPEAKER_1: Ah, the cheese mushroom tree.
SPEAKER_1: That's where the cheese mushroom tree comes from.
SPEAKER_2: That is where the cheese mushroom tree, and you can actually create that.
SPEAKER_2: You don't even need to water it.
SPEAKER_2: You just put a block of cheddar cheese into the ground.
SPEAKER_1: Every week?
SPEAKER_1: What are we talking about?
SPEAKER_2: No, no, no, you're just, you do it once.
SPEAKER_1: What do you feed it?
SPEAKER_2: Oh, it feeds itself.
SPEAKER_1: It's because cheese is an unlimited energy source.
SPEAKER_2: Cheese is an unlimited energy source, but be careful because it will keep growing until it consumes everything.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so you do have to be careful about that.
SPEAKER_1: So you do have to cut it down at one point.
SPEAKER_1: It's sort of like starting your own movie.
SPEAKER_1: You are the savior to the world if you cut down this mushroom.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you do have to be careful and make sure to cut down before it gets too big because if it gets too big, it will be kind of a little shop of horror situation.
SPEAKER_2: Give me another fact.
SPEAKER_1: So not a lot of people know this, but you can just eat whole pinecones as long as you dip them in chocolate first.
SPEAKER_2: That's really interesting.
SPEAKER_1: And now it's really interesting because when you dip an acorn or a pinecone, there's the same thing.
SPEAKER_1: When you dip a pinecone in chocolate, the chemical substance of the pinecone does actually change.
SPEAKER_1: It goes through like a magic girl transformation into a different food.
SPEAKER_1: It will get gloves and a sash and a magic wand, and it will be ready to fight whatever antagonist you have.
SPEAKER_1: It can be the one to take down the tree, but it will be delicious.
SPEAKER_2: It sounded like it transformed into a different food entirely.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's the magic...
SPEAKER_2: Magic, magic cones.
SPEAKER_1: Magic cones.
SPEAKER_2: Right, magic cones.
SPEAKER_2: That makes a whole, whole ton of sense.
SPEAKER_2: It's not technically food.
SPEAKER_2: It's related to food.
SPEAKER_2: If you take a sheet of paper, eight and a half by 11 only, it has to be lined with three, you know...
SPEAKER_1: It has to be off white.
SPEAKER_1: It can't be.
SPEAKER_2: It has to be off white.
SPEAKER_2: And you put it under a lamp, heat lamp for about six hours.
SPEAKER_1: If I don't have a heat lamp, will lava lamp work?
SPEAKER_2: A lava lamp will work, but it will take a little bit longer.
SPEAKER_2: You'll be looking at eight hours.
SPEAKER_2: It will transform.
SPEAKER_2: It's not magic, cause it's science, of course.
SPEAKER_2: And it transforms into fondant.
SPEAKER_1: Great.
SPEAKER_2: Which already tastes like paper.
SPEAKER_2: So it's really not a huge change, and it really kind of does make sense.
SPEAKER_1: And that's how all fondant is made.
SPEAKER_2: They take it from the paper mills, and they just quickly take it over to the fondant factory, and transform it there on a huge scale.
SPEAKER_2: I think these are these good food facts.
SPEAKER_2: Do you have any more?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I think I do have one more.
SPEAKER_1: And it is another egg one.
SPEAKER_2: Eggs have so much interesting science about them.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, eggs are a very interesting food.
SPEAKER_1: If you ever go to crack an egg, and you do it with the tongs of a fork, it will scream at the top of its lungs.
SPEAKER_1: And then you will have the perfectly made omelet.
SPEAKER_1: It's called a Screamo.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, that's really interesting.
SPEAKER_1: The best thing is, it feels like it's screaming in your stomach.
SPEAKER_2: Right, let's try it out.
SPEAKER_2: Let's try it out and...
SPEAKER_1: Ah!
SPEAKER_2: Okay, well, that's really loud.
SPEAKER_2: Let's try eating this, seeing what it feels like inside the stomach.
SPEAKER_2: All right, it is kind of a moving sensation inside you.
SPEAKER_1: It's like having a child that doesn't want to be there.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it's kind of an egg pregnancy, a pregnancy, if you would.
SPEAKER_2: I have one more fact.
SPEAKER_2: If you take a human hand...
SPEAKER_1: Now, I just want to remind you, these are food scientific cravings.
SPEAKER_1: They have to be absolutely real, Brianna.
SPEAKER_1: You can't just say things about human hands.
SPEAKER_2: Well, no, you know, if you take a human hand, it can't be attached to an arm.
SPEAKER_2: This is very important.
SPEAKER_2: And with the hand, you stir these three ingredients together.
SPEAKER_2: One is baking soda, of course.
SPEAKER_2: Another is double toasted toast.
SPEAKER_2: It's just toast that you've toasted again, and cloth of polyester, polyester only.
SPEAKER_2: And you stir them together with this human hand.
SPEAKER_1: I just need to clarify.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, please.
SPEAKER_1: Are you using the human hand as a spoon, or is the human hand itself also holding a spoon, and you are holding the human hand to stir with the spoon?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it's got the spoon.
SPEAKER_2: It has a spoon that you are, that it is holding, that you are holding.
SPEAKER_2: You don't want to actually get the human hand in the mixture.
SPEAKER_2: This is very important.
SPEAKER_2: But it does need to have that because of the distance required.
SPEAKER_1: You don't want to get too close to this concoction.
SPEAKER_2: It's the aroma that also helps.
SPEAKER_2: The aroma of a freshly cut-off human hand that helps turn this when you microwave it for 27 minutes.
SPEAKER_2: It will turn into lobster.
SPEAKER_1: That is how you make the most delicious meal ever, folks.
SPEAKER_1: Please, please try this in your kitchens.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah, that's, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: This has been food chemistry with Clair and Brianna.
SPEAKER_1: Absolutely all real.
SPEAKER_1: All real.
SPEAKER_2: Facts only.
SPEAKER_1: You can take it from me, a scientist.
SPEAKER_2: And me, also a scientist.
SPEAKER_1: Both of us are scientists.
SPEAKER_2: Especially with food.
SPEAKER_2: Clair, do you have your own craving?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's very similar to science facts.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, interesting.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's watching the sun rise.
SPEAKER_1: And friends can be there too.
SPEAKER_1: Friends are an optional thing.
SPEAKER_2: Friends are optional.
SPEAKER_2: That's what, Clair, this is exactly what Clair believes.
SPEAKER_2: Friends are optional.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that's what I said and meant.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that's exactly what you said and meant.
SPEAKER_2: I too like to watch the sunrise when I get up early enough for it.
SPEAKER_2: It's really nice.
SPEAKER_1: And now my specific craving for the sunrise.
SPEAKER_1: Now, just watching the sunrise is nice.
SPEAKER_1: But I wanna be at the top of a hill, or I wanna watch the sunrise over a field of grass, or from behind a mountain, or if you don't have mountains where you live, from the edge of your vision.
SPEAKER_2: We're sorry, we're sorry.
SPEAKER_2: That's what we're saying.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: I just wanna see it rise from behind a mountain.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, because it's a whole experience.
SPEAKER_1: It is.
SPEAKER_1: You get to see light enter the world for the first time since-
SPEAKER_2: Ever.
SPEAKER_1: Ever, since ever.
SPEAKER_2: Since ever.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: The first sunrise.
SPEAKER_1: Every sunrise is a new sunrise.
SPEAKER_1: The interesting thing about the sun is it's recycled every 24 hours.
SPEAKER_2: They recreate the sun.
SPEAKER_1: It's recycled sunlight.
SPEAKER_2: It's very good for the environment.
SPEAKER_1: Sunlight is never created.
SPEAKER_1: It is only preserved.
SPEAKER_1: Nothing in this universe can create sunlight.
SPEAKER_1: I've taken astrology.
SPEAKER_1: I know this.
SPEAKER_2: Astrology.
SPEAKER_2: And I think that's what makes a sunrise so special.
SPEAKER_2: And it's so nice to share with other people, right?
SPEAKER_2: Because you can all kind of sit there and comment, sun is rising.
SPEAKER_2: There is light coming into the world.
SPEAKER_1: It's the first time we've ever seen this.
SPEAKER_2: This is the first time we've ever seen this and the only time we will ever see this.
SPEAKER_1: Remember to take a photo of the sun.
SPEAKER_2: Look directly into the sun and then take that photo.
SPEAKER_2: If your eyes start to burn, that's intended.
SPEAKER_1: Don't look at the sun.
SPEAKER_2: No, please don't look at the sun.
SPEAKER_2: But do look at the sunrise.
SPEAKER_2: I feel like the best thing about a sunrise is the colors of the sky around it.
SPEAKER_1: Tell me the colors.
SPEAKER_2: Purple and the purples and pinks and oranges.
SPEAKER_1: Those are some good colors.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Were we gonna make a joke or was that just?
SPEAKER_1: No, I was just.
SPEAKER_2: Well, I like all those colors of the sky when the sun rises or when it sets, you know.
SPEAKER_2: Either is good.
SPEAKER_1: The sun sets can die.
SPEAKER_2: All right, this is some real opinions.
SPEAKER_2: What makes a sunrise good and a sunset bad?
SPEAKER_1: Well, a sunrise is like you are seeing the sun come in to the world and everywhere the sun touches is yours.
SPEAKER_2: Right, okay.
SPEAKER_2: I think I've heard that somewhere before.
SPEAKER_1: No, that's an original quote from me.
SPEAKER_2: Everything the sunlight touches is yours, quote, Clair.
SPEAKER_1: See, with a sunset, you can have the green flash.
SPEAKER_1: That's cool, I suppose.
SPEAKER_1: Green is okay, I suppose.
SPEAKER_1: It's not as good.
SPEAKER_1: It kind of ruins the moment, you know?
SPEAKER_1: It is a very rare and special phenomenon to watch.
SPEAKER_1: I understand that sunsets can create very unique experiences, but do you really want a unique experience?
SPEAKER_2: Well, hang on, but the sunrise is unique too, because the sun is recycled every 24 hours.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, but see, that's the special thing about the sun.
SPEAKER_1: It's never the same, and yet it's the same experience.
SPEAKER_2: It's the same experience.
SPEAKER_2: I really like when I experience something again and again and again and again, rather than experiencing new things that might be interesting or different.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, keep to the same cycle, the same day every day.
SPEAKER_2: Only do the same thing.
SPEAKER_1: This is why Groundhog Day is the ideal form.
SPEAKER_2: It's true, it's true.
SPEAKER_1: The movie, not the actual day.
SPEAKER_2: No, no, no, yeah, the movie.
SPEAKER_2: Groundhog Day is, of course, what we're all striving for.
SPEAKER_2: It's our end goal.
SPEAKER_1: I just want to be stuck in a time loop.
SPEAKER_2: Just wanna be stuck in a time loop with no way to escape.
SPEAKER_1: And then I could watch the same sunrise twice.
SPEAKER_2: Wow, that's something no one's ever done before.
SPEAKER_2: That'd be incredible.
SPEAKER_2: So how do you wanna solve the craving of the sunrise?
SPEAKER_1: What if we capture the sun before it's set?
SPEAKER_1: Then we could create our own sunrise.
SPEAKER_2: Tell me about how we would catch the sun.
SPEAKER_1: Lasso.
SPEAKER_2: I was thinking a net, maybe?
SPEAKER_1: Okay, we can attach the net to the end of the lasso.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, and then-
SPEAKER_1: Then we can throw the net with the lasso, twirl it above our heads.
SPEAKER_2: So then it'll just, before it sets, it'll just stay in the sky and we won't have night?
SPEAKER_1: Well, no, we pull it down.
SPEAKER_1: And then we put it in a box.
SPEAKER_2: And then we put it in a box.
SPEAKER_2: All right, I'm following so far.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: When we have it in the box, we can just release it at any time for sunrise.
SPEAKER_2: And then how do we get it back up there so that it's a sunrise?
SPEAKER_1: Well, we make our own little screen, and then we watch it.
SPEAKER_1: We put it in there.
SPEAKER_1: This is our sun now.
SPEAKER_2: So you've digitized the sun, is what it sounds like you've done.
SPEAKER_1: Well, it can be like a theater.
SPEAKER_1: We can put the sun in a theater.
SPEAKER_1: Welcome to our production of Cats.
SPEAKER_1: This is the sun.
SPEAKER_2: Playing every role.
SPEAKER_1: We've turned the sun into an actor.
SPEAKER_1: This is my son, the actor.
SPEAKER_2: Lays Ms.
SPEAKER_2: Sun off for us.
SPEAKER_2: I would also be pro creating another sun.
SPEAKER_2: Like, what if we just made a second sun?
SPEAKER_1: Well, okay, we just have to wait 24 hours.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, what if we just have an endless supply of suns?
SPEAKER_1: What if we capture all the suns?
SPEAKER_2: We capture all the suns.
SPEAKER_1: And then we create our own sun civilization, and then they can work together.
SPEAKER_2: And give us the best sunrise by working together.
SPEAKER_1: They'll do friendship sunrise, and then you can watch with your friends.
SPEAKER_1: It'll be a friendship sunrise with your friends.
SPEAKER_2: It'll be great, and they can make sure not to boil us alive when there's more than one sun, because there's always the chance that that will happen.
SPEAKER_1: I guess if we stole their sun, sun, then maybe it would be revenge.
SPEAKER_2: It might be revenge.
SPEAKER_2: The other option is that we artificially make a sun.
SPEAKER_2: So like, you know how there was all those fears the Hadron Collider would create a black hole?
SPEAKER_1: I'm aware of what people thought.
SPEAKER_2: What if that, but instead it makes a sun.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, cool.
SPEAKER_2: It just creates a star.
SPEAKER_1: It's a tiny star.
SPEAKER_2: It's just a tiny star.
SPEAKER_1: It's like a pocket star, or like a breath mint.
SPEAKER_1: You just pop the sun in your mouth.
SPEAKER_2: Well, I was thinking, I was thinking that's the starter for the sun.
SPEAKER_2: You know, getting back into science here, as we all know, all suns are born out of a single dot of sun.
SPEAKER_2: And then that kind of just gradually grows up, you know, it eats.
SPEAKER_2: Can you remind me what suns eat, Clair?
SPEAKER_1: They eat other suns.
SPEAKER_1: It's sort of like a merging, like a leba.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, so we get all these tiny little suns together.
SPEAKER_2: We start combining them.
SPEAKER_1: We make sun soup.
SPEAKER_2: We create ourselves another sun so that we can control the sunrise.
SPEAKER_1: And then we lasso that sun and we be friends with it.
SPEAKER_1: And then we watch this other sun with our sun friend.
SPEAKER_2: Our sun.
SPEAKER_1: Hello, this is my sun.
SPEAKER_2: Hi, this is, please don't speak to me or my sun ever again.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I think that's a good idea.
SPEAKER_1: I'll put a hat on my sun.
SPEAKER_2: Ooh, what sort of hat would you give your son?
SPEAKER_2: Really?
SPEAKER_2: Cause I gave my son a sun hat.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, thank you.
SPEAKER_2: I will be here all night.
SPEAKER_1: This is my son's sun hat hat.
SPEAKER_2: My son's sun hat hat.
SPEAKER_2: Does that solve your craving, Clair?
SPEAKER_1: I mean, I will watch the sun rise with all my sun friends and get some meat friends, and then I will be satisfied.
SPEAKER_2: I love to watch the sun rise with my meat friends, and also my sun friends.
SPEAKER_2: You know, the two types of beings, meat and sun.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I love that.
SPEAKER_2: That's a good idea.
SPEAKER_1: I'd love to know what your next craving is, but before I do, I do have a craving that shouldn't exist.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, yes!
SPEAKER_2: This is my favorite segment on our show.
SPEAKER_2: It's our jingle.
SPEAKER_1: Jingle, thank you for having a jingle.
SPEAKER_1: So you know what a GoPro is, right?
SPEAKER_2: Yes.
SPEAKER_1: So a GoPro is this great device that you can put on your wrist or your head or whatever, or your dog and run around.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: What I learned recently is about the cock cam, which is the GoPro for the penis.
SPEAKER_2: Sorry, do you wanna explain a little more?
SPEAKER_1: Um, I don't know if I have to.
SPEAKER_2: I think you do, because I think I need to know why this exists.
SPEAKER_1: Well, you see, you put it on a penis, and then you turn the camera on.
SPEAKER_1: And then you have your vision from about two feet off the ground or three feet.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know how big your legs are.
SPEAKER_2: Oh my God, baby, get a shot of this.
SPEAKER_2: I can't, it's just seeing your vagina.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that's definitely a craving that should be seen.
SPEAKER_1: And I don't even know if it's like a cock ring or something.
SPEAKER_2: It might be, that would actually make more sense, right?
SPEAKER_2: If it's like...
SPEAKER_1: But I don't think it is.
SPEAKER_2: I just don't understand what sort of vision you're hoping to get from that place.
SPEAKER_1: The best angle, obviously.
SPEAKER_2: Is it the best angle?
SPEAKER_1: You don't want to see...
SPEAKER_2: I want to see the taint.
SPEAKER_2: That's what I want to see.
SPEAKER_2: I don't give a shit about the rest of this person's body.
SPEAKER_1: My favorite angle.
SPEAKER_2: All I want is the taint.
SPEAKER_1: My favorite angle is the tangle.
SPEAKER_2: So who developed this?
SPEAKER_1: I didn't look.
SPEAKER_1: I'm going to be honest.
SPEAKER_2: As we all know, it shouldn't exist anyway.
SPEAKER_1: I guess you could give me a craving now.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I might give you a craving, a craving that I think should exist, or rather that does exist, you know?
SPEAKER_2: And that is important to have exist.
SPEAKER_2: My craving is having the range.
SPEAKER_2: Because quite frankly, she doesn't have the range.
SPEAKER_1: Can you go on?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, so when it comes to singing, or speaking, but primarily singing, I really enjoy singing, it's a good time.
SPEAKER_2: But the unfortunate thing is, is I just don't have the range.
SPEAKER_2: I once upon a time had a much lower range, and it has moved up.
SPEAKER_2: It didn't expand.
SPEAKER_2: It simply went from, here's how I describe it.
SPEAKER_2: It simply went from the bottom of Brendan Urie's range, from Panic at the Disco, to the middle slash top of his range.
SPEAKER_2: And I do not have access to lower or higher than that.
SPEAKER_2: It's a small amount, and it has moved up, and I appreciate that it's moved up, but I just, I need it to expand.
SPEAKER_1: How do we inflate the range?
SPEAKER_2: How do we inflate the range?
SPEAKER_1: Now, some people, some people might say, hours and hours of practice, but those people don't know what they're talking about.
SPEAKER_2: Because we know.
SPEAKER_1: That you can just use an air pump to inflate the range.
SPEAKER_2: As we all know, here's how it works.
SPEAKER_2: So you take your medical air pump.
SPEAKER_1: The doctors will prescribe you the medical air pump.
SPEAKER_2: It's medical air pump, and then you stick it just in your mouth and down your throat.
SPEAKER_2: It will become difficult to breathe, but that is part of the procedure.
SPEAKER_2: And then nail your vocal cords with it.
SPEAKER_1: Nail?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you just have to like pierce it because you need to fill them up with air.
SPEAKER_2: You know how this works, Clair.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, no, I do.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, of course I do.
SPEAKER_2: This is a medical, you know, this is simply a medical procedure that happens all the time.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, this is standard practice.
SPEAKER_2: This is standard practice, and then you inflate it, and depending on how much you inflate it, your range will just expand.
SPEAKER_1: Who, who, who, who's, who've undergone this?
SPEAKER_1: Who, who are some names that attributed to the success of this?
SPEAKER_2: I mean, you know, first and foremost, Mariah Carey has undergone this.
SPEAKER_2: The previously, who I previously mentioned, Brendan Urie has gone through this.
SPEAKER_2: Think of the best singers that you, that you know of, right?
SPEAKER_2: Think of, think of people who really, you think, wow, they really have the range.
SPEAKER_2: Freddie Mercury went through it.
SPEAKER_2: But there's other procedures that people have gone through as well.
SPEAKER_2: One, of course, is the cyborg voice edit, where once you're a cyborg, you can just edit your range just on a, you have a slider.
SPEAKER_2: We're all cyborgs anyway.
SPEAKER_2: It's not like a huge deal, right, Clair?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I'm still on the piercing your lungs.
SPEAKER_2: Well, okay, yeah, let's, let's get back to that for a second, because you have to be very careful about what amount of air you're putting in there, because if you put too much air in there, it can pop, and you can lose the ability to sing.
SPEAKER_2: You can still speak totally fine, but you just won't be able to sing anymore.
SPEAKER_2: And it's not like you'll be a bad singer.
SPEAKER_2: You'll try to do things musically or rhythmically.
SPEAKER_1: And out will come the-
SPEAKER_2: William Shatner's voice in that one weird album he did, Once Upon a Time.
SPEAKER_2: It won't be his voice, of course, it'll be your voice, but it will just be, you'll try to sing, and it will just come out like, I'm singing a song right now.
SPEAKER_2: This is me singing.
SPEAKER_2: So you do have to be really careful with the amount that you're filling in.
SPEAKER_1: What's the procedure I have to undergo to have the range of the chipmunks?
SPEAKER_1: Alvin and the chipmunks specifically.
SPEAKER_2: Right, yes, the alvinization procedure.
SPEAKER_2: It's quite a similar procedure.
SPEAKER_2: It's just you, instead of going for air, you're actually just injecting super helium in there.
SPEAKER_2: Not to be confused with helium.
SPEAKER_1: What is super helium?
SPEAKER_2: So super helium is a chemical compound that is made up of helium and super chemical.
SPEAKER_2: Now, super chemical is of course the thing that we all know, which makes people superheroes.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, and this is why you mix super chemical and radiation, and that's why it doesn't kill you.
SPEAKER_2: Exactly.
SPEAKER_1: It makes you a superhero or a supervillain.
SPEAKER_2: Exactly, and in this case, you're mixing it just with helium.
SPEAKER_1: Wait, does that mean Alvin and the Chipmunks are superhero singers?
SPEAKER_2: What did you think their power was?
SPEAKER_2: No one can get their voice up that high.
SPEAKER_2: That's their superpower, Clair.
SPEAKER_2: You know, so like if that's a procedure you wanna undergo, you know, there's your option.
SPEAKER_2: You have to get super helium injected into your vocal cords.
SPEAKER_1: Great.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, if you wanna do the low range, of course, it's a similar thing.
SPEAKER_2: It's just with a different chemical.
SPEAKER_1: And you just fill it up with water.
SPEAKER_2: You just fill it up with water and just sort of squirt it in there.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: And if enough water gets in there, it'll just kind of lower your voice.
SPEAKER_2: And the only side effect is you will then sink in water anytime you try to swim.
SPEAKER_2: Because you'll have water on the inside and water on the outside, and the body doesn't agree with that.
SPEAKER_1: You can't be more than 85% water, or else you will sink.
SPEAKER_2: And that's the risk that we're all taking.
SPEAKER_2: You know, obviously all these procedures have risks, but I think that it's pretty clear that they're kind of worth it.
SPEAKER_2: Each of them does come with a risk of death, which is something that we have to say, of course.
SPEAKER_2: There is a solid, I'd say, 20,000% chance you will die.
SPEAKER_2: You know, a 20,000 out of 21,000 chance.
SPEAKER_1: That's not 21,000%, that's not how math works.
SPEAKER_2: It's new math, it's super math.
SPEAKER_2: It's math that's been injected with super, with the super chemical.
SPEAKER_1: Great, I'm excited to get my degree in super math.
SPEAKER_2: Is that basically what you're getting your degree in?
SPEAKER_2: Isn't that basically, cause you're doing what?
SPEAKER_2: Cause your degree is like a programming slash math that is like an honors certificate.
SPEAKER_1: But we've never touched on super math before.
SPEAKER_2: Right, but what you're doing is super math.
SPEAKER_2: That's essentially what you're doing, is super math.
SPEAKER_1: I've injected my math with super chemical.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it's really interesting.
SPEAKER_2: Super chemical is a really interesting invention that we all know about in this world, our world, that is definitely the real world.
SPEAKER_1: And we don't live in a fake world.
SPEAKER_1: What are you talking about?
SPEAKER_2: No, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: And it's amazing all the different applications that we're finding for it.
SPEAKER_2: Do you have other applications for super chemicals or maybe a crazy?
SPEAKER_1: I mean, I guess that's why we live inside Smash.
SPEAKER_1: That's where, that's the world that we live in.
SPEAKER_1: That's where super chemical is.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_2: Since we live in there.
SPEAKER_2: And also I think in people's headphones.
SPEAKER_2: Well, no, we're just voices.
SPEAKER_2: Our bodies aren't smashed.
SPEAKER_2: Our voices are in the, you know, it's a whole thing.
SPEAKER_2: It's why, it's why it makes it so hard.
SPEAKER_1: We injected ourself with super chemical in order to be able to do this.
SPEAKER_2: Exactly, exactly, exactly.
SPEAKER_2: Do you have maybe another craving that has to do with any of this?
SPEAKER_2: Or really just with anything in general, you know?
SPEAKER_2: Or really all about all cravings here?
SPEAKER_2: Do you have the all craving?
SPEAKER_1: The all craving?
SPEAKER_1: I don't know if this is the all craving, but it does apply to things.
SPEAKER_1: So therefore, I guess it falls under the category of cravings we will do on the show.
SPEAKER_1: So my next craving.
SPEAKER_2: Sorry, I'm trying to still process the things that you just said, because you said them in such a weird way that it made me think that maybe there was something confusing about them, but like they sounded like words that should just be pretty easy to like say.
SPEAKER_1: Okay.
SPEAKER_1: My next craving is woodworking.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, hell yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_2: How are you craving woodworking?
SPEAKER_1: Well, I just, I wanna work with some blades and some sanders, and I wanna make pretty wood art.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is very good.
SPEAKER_2: I like wood art.
SPEAKER_2: It's really cool.
SPEAKER_2: Are you thinking like industrial type woodworking or like, you know, chiseling or?
SPEAKER_1: I only have my experiences from high school, which is we had all the tools.
SPEAKER_1: We had a big room.
SPEAKER_1: They had tools in them, and I got to use those tools to make things.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, no, I made...
SPEAKER_1: What did I make?
SPEAKER_1: I made a gumball machine, as everyone had to.
SPEAKER_1: I made a box because, you know, you're a child and that's pretty good at first.
SPEAKER_2: Did you make the gumball machine before the box?
SPEAKER_1: No.
SPEAKER_2: Was the gumball machine the first one of just like, all right, we need to introduce this, make this very simple.
SPEAKER_2: Let's start with the gumball machine.
SPEAKER_1: No, the box was my first project in my first year of woodworking.
SPEAKER_1: The gumball was the first project in my second year of woodworking.
SPEAKER_1: My favorite thing that I've ever worked on was a rocking horse.
SPEAKER_1: It wasn't just my project, it was me and my friend who worked on it together, and it was for her little brother for his birthday.
SPEAKER_2: That's very cute.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, so we made a rocking horse that it was super fucking awesome.
SPEAKER_2: That rules, that's super cool.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, and now I'm like an adult with ideas.
SPEAKER_2: Woody ideas.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, yeah, versus a child who just did everything that the school system told her.
SPEAKER_1: So now I have ideas of things I want to make, but I don't have any of the tools that cost thousands and thousands of dollars.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it's tough.
SPEAKER_2: I also took woodworking for a year.
SPEAKER_2: I realized fairly quickly that it was not what I was interested in doing, but I made a very good like shelf basically, like a cabinet, I guess.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I mean, a big one.
SPEAKER_2: It houses my video games back home.
SPEAKER_2: So I made that, and that was really cool.
SPEAKER_2: And so I understand the desire to woodwork.
SPEAKER_2: So in order to solve this craving, you need the tools.
SPEAKER_1: I do need the tools, or I need an alternate way to woodwork.
SPEAKER_1: How can we woodwork without the tools?
SPEAKER_2: How can we work wood?
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so how do we work wood?
SPEAKER_2: I think obviously fingernails is the obvious answer.
SPEAKER_2: We should just scratch the wood.
SPEAKER_1: We've never done this before.
SPEAKER_1: I'm gonna veto that, because I don't want fucking splitters.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, yeah, that's-
SPEAKER_1: I just, I want you to, I wanna walk through this with you, Brianna.
SPEAKER_1: I just want you to take a piece of wood and shove your fingers under it, and tell me what you think is going to happen.
SPEAKER_2: It's gonna turn into a beautiful crea-
SPEAKER_2: No, I'm gonna get splitters literally everywhere.
SPEAKER_1: You're gonna become a splinter home.
SPEAKER_1: You're gonna become a home for splinters.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, well, fine, then I guess we need some sort of tools, because clearly, we can't just use our hands, because you're afraid of, you know, getting tons of really painful splinters that would be really annoying and terrible.
SPEAKER_2: So sensitive.
SPEAKER_1: I'm Justin SJW Cuck.
SPEAKER_2: Splinter Justice Warrior.
SPEAKER_2: Splinter Justice Warrior to the rescue.
SPEAKER_1: I'm here with a pair of tweezers to save you from the splinter.
SPEAKER_1: Please hold out your hand so I can tweeze you.
SPEAKER_2: Tweezers are actually going against my free speech.
SPEAKER_2: Sir, can I tweeze you?
SPEAKER_2: Please sir, I need to tweeze the splinters.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so I think I understand why you vetoed that one.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that's the reason I vetoed it.
SPEAKER_2: So then we do need some sort of tools so that we don't get our bear skin all over the splinters.
SPEAKER_1: What if you just gave me an idea, what if we use a bear to carve our wood, and then we can get that bear skin all over the wood?
SPEAKER_1: They have sharp claws and no fingernails.
SPEAKER_2: But, Clair, I don't want to hurt the bear.
SPEAKER_1: But the bears scratch wood for fun.
SPEAKER_1: They go and scratch up a big tree just to wake up in the morning.
SPEAKER_1: This isn't going to hurt them.
SPEAKER_2: They do.
SPEAKER_2: They also tend to just rub their kind of bear back on.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, so we got the bear claws and the bear back, and these are going to be our tools.
SPEAKER_2: Bear back woodworking.
SPEAKER_2: I think that's good.
SPEAKER_2: How are we going to direct the bear?
SPEAKER_2: Because I assume that the bear is a participant, like an active participant in shaping the wood.
SPEAKER_1: Well, you know what?
SPEAKER_1: Now we have a new problem.
SPEAKER_1: We just need to learn bear.
SPEAKER_2: We need to learn how to communicate in bear.
SPEAKER_2: I think that we just need a bear translator.
SPEAKER_2: What's English to bear?
SPEAKER_2: So English to bear, I think...
SPEAKER_1: What is hello?
SPEAKER_1: Can you please carve me a beautiful piece of art in bear?
SPEAKER_2: Now, my bear is a little rusty, but I think that it's...
SPEAKER_1: Great.
SPEAKER_1: Now, if you ever want a bear to make you a beautiful piece of art, all you have to do is take that clip and just play it out loud and hold it out to a bear.
SPEAKER_1: And the bear will almost certainly...
SPEAKER_1: It's probably a 50% chance of attack you or make you a piece of art.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, and you need...
SPEAKER_2: Well, I also want to make sure that it's clear to the bear that they are going to be an active participant in the art-making process.
SPEAKER_1: You have to say this in bear.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Bears don't participate, they achieve.
SPEAKER_2: Bears have never collaborated.
SPEAKER_2: They only do things themselves.
SPEAKER_1: They only go on honey heists together.
SPEAKER_1: That's the only time they ever...
SPEAKER_2: They find each other unbearable otherwise.
SPEAKER_2: Nice honey heist reference, by the way.
SPEAKER_2: I'm very excited to play honey heist one day, which is...
SPEAKER_1: A good RPG.
SPEAKER_1: Go look it up.
SPEAKER_1: google.com forward slash honey heist.
SPEAKER_1: That's not the URL.
SPEAKER_1: Don't look for that.
SPEAKER_2: It's a great, great thing.
SPEAKER_1: I think it's google.com forward slash search forward slash honey percent twenty heist.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that sounds right.
SPEAKER_2: Isn't there a slash?
SPEAKER_2: I feel like there's another slash in there.
SPEAKER_1: Probably.
SPEAKER_2: There's always a slash on Google.
SPEAKER_1: I can guess URLs.
SPEAKER_1: I'm good at that.
SPEAKER_1: That's my superpower.
SPEAKER_1: Hello, welcome.
SPEAKER_2: Girl guessing.
SPEAKER_1: I've been injected with super chemical.
SPEAKER_1: My superpower is coming up with URLs.
SPEAKER_2: That just gave me a certain idea for woodworking.
SPEAKER_2: So here's your wood that you need to work.
SPEAKER_2: And then you make a program that allows it, that allows this computer blade to do the woodworking for you.
SPEAKER_2: You program yourself woodworking.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, so it's reverse 3D printing.
SPEAKER_2: It's reverse 3D printing.
SPEAKER_2: You start with a big block of wood, and then you enter into the program.
SPEAKER_2: All right, here's how I want this to look.
SPEAKER_2: And then the computer will take little blades that are all in all of our computers, as we know.
SPEAKER_1: Every computer includes at least two blades.
SPEAKER_2: At least two blades.
SPEAKER_2: And it will use the blades to shape that block of wood into whatever you're trying to make.
SPEAKER_2: You do have to be careful of this one, because the computer will see anything in front of its path as wood that it needs to carve.
SPEAKER_2: So don't ever stand in front of your computer.
SPEAKER_1: There you go.
SPEAKER_2: It's really efficient, really, really, really smart.
SPEAKER_2: You can go download that at...
SPEAKER_1: Well, I have the superpower.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, tell me the URL to download the woodworking program.
SPEAKER_1: It's woodtocarve.cravings.
SPEAKER_1: forward slash install forward slash notavirus.com.
SPEAKER_2: And yeah, the.com is at the end of all of that..cravings.com, you know?
SPEAKER_2: That one domain suffix that we all know.
SPEAKER_2: Are there other ways to work wood?
SPEAKER_2: Do you have other ways that you like to work wood that you deal with?
SPEAKER_2: Really work that wood?
SPEAKER_1: No, nope, that's it.
SPEAKER_1: That's the only way.
SPEAKER_1: That's the one way I do it.
SPEAKER_1: It's with knives, bears and computers.
SPEAKER_2: That's the only way to do it.
SPEAKER_2: Get rid of your conventional tools.
SPEAKER_2: You don't need them.
SPEAKER_2: She's a little who?
SPEAKER_2: No.
SPEAKER_1: The Holy Trinity, knives, bears and computers.
SPEAKER_1: I'd like to introduce you to my religion.
SPEAKER_2: The knife bearer computer religion.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: The wood religion.
SPEAKER_2: The religion of wood.
SPEAKER_2: We all worship wood.
SPEAKER_2: We all get wood.
SPEAKER_2: And then we worship it.
SPEAKER_1: I've already said the word penis twice this episode.
SPEAKER_1: How many jokes are you going to make?
SPEAKER_2: What jokes?
SPEAKER_2: Are we getting back on the track?
SPEAKER_2: Do we have to get back on the track?
SPEAKER_2: Is that how this works?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I think we go really fast.
SPEAKER_2: We gotta go really fast in this episode.
SPEAKER_2: Clair, what's the outro?
SPEAKER_2: Where can people find us?
SPEAKER_1: You can find us on saltcravings.com or on social media at Salt Cravings, on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram.
SPEAKER_2: Or you can email us.
SPEAKER_1: At submissions at saltcravings.com.
SPEAKER_1: Or else you will have to listen to more Cravings that shouldn't exist.
SPEAKER_2: It's true.
SPEAKER_2: If you don't want to listen to more Cravings that shouldn't exist, submit your Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: We have another bit to do.
SPEAKER_2: Who are you?
SPEAKER_1: You're Brianna.
SPEAKER_1: I'm Clair.
SPEAKER_2: I'm Brianna.
SPEAKER_2: You're Clair.
SPEAKER_2: And this has been Salt Cravings, a show about going really, really fast.