SPEAKER_1: Good morning, everyone, and welcome to Salt Cravings Flight 24.
SPEAKER_1: These are your captains speaking.
SPEAKER_1: I'm Brianna.
SPEAKER_1: I am Passenger Clair.
SPEAKER_2: I got on the wrong flight.
SPEAKER_2: I was supposed to be on flight for 2069.
SPEAKER_1: She's kidding, of course.
SPEAKER_1: She's my co-pilot.
SPEAKER_1: She is my co-pilot, and she's absolutely not a passenger.
SPEAKER_1: I don't have my pilot's license.
SPEAKER_1: She's absolutely joking.
SPEAKER_1: I cannot stress enough how much this is a joke, and I wish you would stop.
SPEAKER_1: You're joking.
SPEAKER_1: And drense will be served soon.
SPEAKER_1: If you want to, we'll see the flight attendants doing a safety demonstration.
SPEAKER_1: In the case of emergency, please make sure to jump.
SPEAKER_2: You're my co-pilot.
SPEAKER_1: God damn it.
SPEAKER_1: You're my co-pilot.
SPEAKER_1: You're the only one I have.
SPEAKER_1: They didn't give me another.
SPEAKER_1: I thought we were together in pilot school.
SPEAKER_1: This flight seems to have gotten off track a little bit.
SPEAKER_1: We are gonna get it back on track.
SPEAKER_1: Today, we have some of the finest cravings.
SPEAKER_1: If you open your menus, your in-flight menus, you'll see lots of in-flight options for different cravings and different solutions.
SPEAKER_1: So we're just gonna go over those.
SPEAKER_1: This one looks tasty.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it does look, that one looks really tasty.
SPEAKER_1: Do you wanna maybe explain what that one is?
SPEAKER_1: Not in this voice.
SPEAKER_1: Sure, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: That was some weird captains.
SPEAKER_1: Now we're just passengers on this, because we're just passengers on this plane looking at the Cravings.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's a weird captains.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, so it's a really weird Craving that's written down here.
SPEAKER_2: It is, the first Craving just says, knowing the Cravings that Brianna is going to bring to Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: Now I'm not too sure-
SPEAKER_1: I can't fucking understand you.
SPEAKER_1: I hate you.
SPEAKER_1: This is excellent, continue.
SPEAKER_2: So I do sometimes-
SPEAKER_2: this is an improv menu that we're reading.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's an interesting improv menu.
SPEAKER_2: We never know what's going to be brought to our menu.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's different every-
SPEAKER_1: it changes constantly.
SPEAKER_2: Constantly.
SPEAKER_2: And so one of the things that I would love is maybe knowing the direction the show would go in.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, this is interesting.
SPEAKER_1: Have you considered, maybe, it's more fun if I just get to shock you every time?
SPEAKER_2: Considering you get to shock me 99% of the time.
SPEAKER_1: How do I shock you 99% of the time?
SPEAKER_1: Am I really that hard to predict the actions of?
SPEAKER_1: You're very good at predict-
SPEAKER_1: No, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_1: You're very good at predicting what I'm gonna say and do.
SPEAKER_2: Are you saying that you're predictable?
SPEAKER_1: Absolutely, I'm predictable.
SPEAKER_1: I know my brand.
SPEAKER_1: But okay, so you want me to start telling you-
SPEAKER_2: No, so I'm just thinking-
SPEAKER_2: You'll whisper it to me and the listeners won't hear it.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: So like now, like here?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, right here.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, I'm gonna whisper it to you.
SPEAKER_2: You're just making noises with your mouth.
SPEAKER_1: I'm saying my cravings, Clair.
SPEAKER_1: What do you want from me?
SPEAKER_1: I'm saying them.
SPEAKER_1: Do you want me to say them loud enough for the listeners to hear?
SPEAKER_1: I have to be extremely quiet about this.
SPEAKER_2: Well, how are we gonna solve this?
SPEAKER_2: Cause if I need to hear, but we need to make sure the listeners can't hear.
SPEAKER_2: How can we make sure that I can hear your cravings, but the listeners can't?
SPEAKER_2: Should we just attach a pipe to your mouth and my ear?
SPEAKER_1: Now, my main, so my main, okay.
SPEAKER_1: Well, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not vetoing it.
SPEAKER_1: I'm not putting it off the table.
SPEAKER_1: I just have some questions.
SPEAKER_1: My first question, what do you need to attach?
SPEAKER_2: So have you ever sown something before?
SPEAKER_1: Clair?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Clair?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Do you want to, do you want to, do you want to stop body horror?
SPEAKER_1: We did body horror last episode, and I think probably the episode before that.
SPEAKER_1: We do body horror most episodes.
SPEAKER_1: We don't need to immediately go into body horror territory.
SPEAKER_2: Welcome to Salt Cravings, a body horror podcast.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, so I don't think-
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so I have another idea.
SPEAKER_2: You remember when we were kids, and we were definitely friends as children and knew each other when we were five.
SPEAKER_2: And we had tin cans with a piece of string between them.
SPEAKER_2: And it was just, it was what phones were back like 20 years ago.
SPEAKER_2: Nobody had-
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's basically the same thing.
SPEAKER_2: It was before a smartphone.
SPEAKER_1: If you really tried hard, you could play snake on it too.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, so before smartphones, we had a tin can string, which was, I mean, like you said, it had mobile games.
SPEAKER_2: No wallpaper, though.
SPEAKER_1: No wallpaper.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, you could paint it.
SPEAKER_2: That's true.
SPEAKER_2: You could paint it.
SPEAKER_1: You know, it had lots of customizability options, really.
SPEAKER_2: You could get the yarn upgrade.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, you could get the yarn upgrade.
SPEAKER_2: Do you think this would help?
SPEAKER_2: Do you think this would be enoughful enough?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that's my main concern.
SPEAKER_1: Our microphone's very good at picking up stuff.
SPEAKER_1: I'm sure it's picking up the pipe cutter outside right now.
SPEAKER_2: I'll show you my pipe cutter.
SPEAKER_1: It's a weird term for a vagina.
SPEAKER_1: It's like a vagina with teeth.
SPEAKER_1: Why isn't that something we talked about last time?
SPEAKER_2: There's many reasons.
SPEAKER_2: So what's another way that we can make sure that the listener can't hear your cravings when you tell them that?
SPEAKER_1: Well, I have a good idea.
SPEAKER_1: I'm just going to throw my voice.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, great.
SPEAKER_2: Like into my ear?
SPEAKER_1: Well, yeah, you know how people can throw their voices, make it seem like it's coming from somewhere else.
SPEAKER_1: Can you throw a whisper?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, here's the two options I'm thinking, right?
SPEAKER_1: One is I just throw my voice directly to your ear.
SPEAKER_1: The other is I do an arc over the microphone so it doesn't touch the microphone.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, so it's like gymnastics.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, just sort of do an arc of voice, and it just sort of goes over the microphone.
SPEAKER_1: The microphone can't pick it up because it went over its head.
SPEAKER_1: Great.
SPEAKER_1: So there's that option that is definitely available.
SPEAKER_1: I could also write it out to you in letter format.
SPEAKER_2: Get it sent.
SPEAKER_2: No, that's too easy.
SPEAKER_2: The listener will hear the scratches and they'll be able to decipher it.
SPEAKER_1: Clair.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, are we doing a code?
SPEAKER_1: No, no, no, Clair, here's the thing.
SPEAKER_1: Because it'll be, I'll do it before the episode, right?
SPEAKER_1: But I'll get it sent so that the exact time that we start recording it comes to you.
SPEAKER_1: It gets mailed directly to you.
SPEAKER_2: So it's like a carrier pigeon.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, you open it up and can read it, and therefore the listener doesn't have to know.
SPEAKER_2: So can we train some carrier pigeons to do this?
SPEAKER_1: I think so, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: If it wasn't carrier pigeons, is there a better thing that could transport this letter?
SPEAKER_1: I mean, any bird can transport a letter.
SPEAKER_1: Like, carrier pigeons were used in World War II, but they're synced now, so we can't use them.
SPEAKER_1: That's not a joke.
SPEAKER_2: I know.
SPEAKER_2: I just forgot.
SPEAKER_2: But what if it was a cat?
SPEAKER_1: We could use a cat.
SPEAKER_1: Hey, May?
SPEAKER_2: What if you wrote it out, gave it to May, and then May delivered it to me?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, do you think May would be chill enough and good enough to...
SPEAKER_2: May is the goodest girl ever.
SPEAKER_2: How dare you?
SPEAKER_1: May is the goodest girl ever.
SPEAKER_1: My main concern is she can be a little...
SPEAKER_1: Is volatile too harsh of a term?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, she's my child.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so I guess it's perfect.
SPEAKER_2: What about your child, Brianna?
SPEAKER_1: I don't have children yet.
SPEAKER_2: Not yet.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, not yet.
SPEAKER_2: Volatile little shits.
SPEAKER_1: Probably.
SPEAKER_1: You meant me?
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so if we can't deliver it with May, what if we signed it to each other?
SPEAKER_1: Oh, now that would require us to learn ASL, which is something I want to do anyway, but I don't know how to do yet.
SPEAKER_1: Unless we come up with our own sign language.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, I know how to do the letters.
SPEAKER_1: I know how to do the letters.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, what the listeners can't tell is that Clair is doing sign language to you right now, and it really feels like you're showing off the fact that you can do sign language, which is fair, and you should, because it's an important skill to have, and knowing another language is important.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know any of the words that you just signed, though, because I am what one might refer to as a normie.
SPEAKER_1: I was going to say unilingual, but same difference, I guess.
SPEAKER_2: Can I tell you a secret?
SPEAKER_2: I don't know ASL.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I assumed that much.
SPEAKER_1: It just seemed like the smoothness and comfort.
SPEAKER_1: I was like, either you've been taking ASL courses that you didn't tell me about, or you're making shit up on the spot.
SPEAKER_1: Which I think is a little like just pretending you can speak another language.
SPEAKER_1: Like, ah yes, I can speak French.
SPEAKER_1: I speak Spanish with my friends.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know many languages.
SPEAKER_1: I did once know a little bit of French, you know.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, we can just do it in another language, and therefore it's fun for people to speak that language.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, we can just do Salt Cravings, Espanol.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I mean, like, you know how people speak Spanish with their friends, and they're like, oh, you know how shows and movies and stuff have different translations?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, they have their episode that is just in a different language each time.
SPEAKER_2: You know, your friends episode, but it's just all in German.
SPEAKER_2: You know that German episode of Friends?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Where they all just start speaking German, and it's never explained.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, every episode is a different language, of course.
SPEAKER_1: That's how that works.
SPEAKER_2: And that's why Friends was such a popular show.
SPEAKER_2: That's why there were ten seasons.
SPEAKER_1: That's the only thing that was good about it.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, every single episode was in a different language.
SPEAKER_2: And that was so the viewers didn't know the secrets.
SPEAKER_1: Now, my thinking is, what if we just had Salt Cravings dubs?
SPEAKER_1: But my concern with that is, then you get into the debate of Salt Cravings dubs or subs.
SPEAKER_2: Well, the subs are the transcriptions.
SPEAKER_1: The subs are the transcriptions, which I am going to catch upon taking a bit.
SPEAKER_1: But that's true.
SPEAKER_1: The subs are the transcriptions, but we could just have them at the bottom of the screen of the video that is Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_1: You know how Salt Cravings is a video, is actually like a video podcast?
SPEAKER_2: It's a cinematic universe.
SPEAKER_1: It's a cinematic universe.
SPEAKER_1: It's a video podcast.
SPEAKER_1: A vodcast.
SPEAKER_1: And the thing about it is, I don't know why we don't just have subtitles going down across the screen when people watch these videos of us, right?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, so we can have subs versus dubs, you know, two different options.
SPEAKER_2: So I have to ask, are you a purist?
SPEAKER_2: Dubs or subs, Brianna?
SPEAKER_1: I...
SPEAKER_1: I support the Salt Cravings subs more.
SPEAKER_1: It's like five different jokes we can make here.
SPEAKER_1: I'm not gonna make them.
SPEAKER_2: Do you have any other way that we could sort of skirt the listener in our knowledge?
SPEAKER_1: The other option, what about Morse code?
SPEAKER_1: Do you ever think about how Morse Code just sounds like a beat that goes off track?
SPEAKER_1: Like it starts out like...
SPEAKER_1: And then it goes into...
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that's some jam.
SPEAKER_2: Well, I mean, I got it now.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, no, you've told me what your cravings are effectively, and now I'm not going to be shocked.
SPEAKER_1: Cool.
SPEAKER_1: I'm glad.
SPEAKER_2: I'm glad.
SPEAKER_2: Well, do you want to tell the listeners what your first craving is?
SPEAKER_2: Because I already know.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, sure.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, like, it was foreshadowed, because you said the Salt Craving Cinematic Universe, and I...
SPEAKER_2: I mean, that's why I said it.
SPEAKER_1: That's why you said it, because...
SPEAKER_2: Because you told me.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, because my first craving is the Salt Craving Cinematic Universe.
SPEAKER_1: And not specifically the Salt Craving Cinematic Universe.
SPEAKER_1: I should say first, I really love the idea of a cinematic universe, which I'm using to mean, because you have to define your terms, of course.
SPEAKER_1: This is like an essay.
SPEAKER_1: You have to define your terms.
SPEAKER_1: And the term cinematic universe, I'm using to mean a group of different TV, movies, books, whatever.
SPEAKER_2: Visual media.
SPEAKER_1: Visual media, any media, really.
SPEAKER_2: I feel like I wouldn't include books in a cinematic universe.
SPEAKER_1: I'm using it to mean an overarching, just like complete world.
SPEAKER_1: Like I would consider Star Wars to have a cinematic universe as well, despite the fact that some of it comes through in books, and some of it is video games, and some of it is movies.
SPEAKER_1: What I mean here is I love this idea of all these things being interconnected and all these different characters having their own things and then going together.
SPEAKER_1: And like Marvel is not my total jam as much anymore.
SPEAKER_1: So I need a new cinematic universe.
SPEAKER_1: And I'm wondering who and what are some of the things in the Salt Cravings cinematic universe?
SPEAKER_2: I mean, the obvious one is, you know, Letters to the Moon.
SPEAKER_2: It's the debut movie.
SPEAKER_2: It's the movie that starts it all.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, and so that goes in the timeline because we gotta have a timeline.
SPEAKER_1: We gotta have a timeline.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I mean, that's the one that's produced first.
SPEAKER_2: Absolutely.
SPEAKER_2: It's not necessarily the earliest timeline one.
SPEAKER_2: There is something that comes before it.
SPEAKER_1: What's the one that comes before it?
SPEAKER_1: Because there's several ones that can come before it.
SPEAKER_2: Well, it's space avatar.
SPEAKER_1: So space avatar comes before Letters to the Moon, because I conceived of Letters to the Moon as being in the near future.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, and space avatar is a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.
SPEAKER_1: Ah, different galaxy.
SPEAKER_1: It extends to some sort of Guardians of the Galaxy thing, right, let's face it, it's the same thing.
SPEAKER_1: What universe does our commanding officer as a dickwad and is going to betray us?
SPEAKER_2: Oh, that's earth, for sure, for sure.
SPEAKER_2: I think that is after.
SPEAKER_1: That's far future.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that's far future.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, yeah, that makes sense.
SPEAKER_1: Now, I wanna also incorporate some characters who maybe don't have their own movies yet, but we can make them some movies or some books or whatever.
SPEAKER_1: So I would like to suggest that the now combined form of Brianna, Bot and Greg make an appearance in the Salt Cravings cinematic universe.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, we can just have like, it is a slice of life movie, and it's just a day in the life of Robo-Bri Greg.
SPEAKER_1: Robo-Bri Greg, Bri Greg.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, nailed it, got it.
SPEAKER_1: It's gonna be difficult for people to say, but I think that's really gonna add to some of the like media presence, you know?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I mean, it could be a whole chronicle, like-
SPEAKER_1: It could be a whole chronicle.
SPEAKER_2: It's just a bunch of mini-series.
SPEAKER_2: It's actually a new Netflix show called The Chronicles of Bri Greg.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_1: Where do we put the new dinosaurs movie?
SPEAKER_1: You know how we made all those new dinosaurs?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I mean-
SPEAKER_1: And then they were fighting in space, I think?
SPEAKER_2: That's after the Earth has its second evolution.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so where does the second evolution come from?
SPEAKER_2: Where does it come from?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, so like, you know, I'm thinking-
SPEAKER_2: Well, the Earth hatches, and it is the new dinosaur.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, well, this is interesting because this is not exactly what I was imagining.
SPEAKER_1: You see, our original concept was that they came by on a riding the super giant, the Herbosaurus Rex.
SPEAKER_2: The Herbosaurus Rex came here because Earth is actually just an egg, and it's going to sit on it to warm it up and hatch it.
SPEAKER_1: Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
SPEAKER_1: I think all of this makes a lot of sense.
SPEAKER_1: So the Earth hatches like an egg, and everyone dies?
SPEAKER_2: Well, no, it hatches, but you still have eggshell after.
SPEAKER_2: Some eggshells just, you know, not attached to other eggshell.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, how is this related to Salt Cravings?
SPEAKER_2: S-s-s-salty egg.
SPEAKER_1: S-s-salty.
SPEAKER_1: S-salty egg.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it can't properly hatch if it's not adequately salted.
SPEAKER_2: And it's led by some of the clones that exist of us, because canonically, there are at least several clones of us.
SPEAKER_2: Are we in the Smash universe?
SPEAKER_2: Is that also a thing?
SPEAKER_2: Are we incorporating Super Smash Bros.
SPEAKER_2: into the Salt Craving Cinematic Universe?
SPEAKER_2: Do you think we can get those rights?
SPEAKER_2: It's the prequel to the Cinematic Universe.
SPEAKER_2: Nintendo has been in agreement with us for a few years, that it was the kickoff.
SPEAKER_1: It was the kickoff.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: It was really to get our names out there.
SPEAKER_1: For sure, for sure.
SPEAKER_1: There is also gonna be a movie about whether or not we choose to stay in the Smash universe, and that whole storyline, right?
SPEAKER_1: And whether we choose to come out and be back in the world of physical world.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I mean, the notorious sequel to Smash again.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_2: To smash or not to smash.
SPEAKER_1: That's about Smash Brothers, right?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_1: It's the only way that that can be taken.
SPEAKER_1: What are some cameos in the Salt Cravings Cinematic Universe?
SPEAKER_2: George Lucas.
SPEAKER_1: Okay.
SPEAKER_1: How did he get there?
SPEAKER_2: He's cameoing, what?
SPEAKER_2: I don't understand.
SPEAKER_1: Well, my main question is, I was assuming it would be cameos of things we've talked about on this show before.
SPEAKER_1: I don't think I've said George Lucas' name on this show.
SPEAKER_2: Well, I have now.
SPEAKER_1: Well, you have now, so he's in there.
SPEAKER_1: You're right, you're right.
SPEAKER_1: Hey, anything we say can become part of the Cinematic Universe.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know why Marvel doesn't just do this, where they just like say something in a movie, and then suddenly that's canon.
SPEAKER_2: A cat wearing boots that is 11 feet tall and has the tail of an alligator.
SPEAKER_1: That's just May, what are you talking about?
SPEAKER_1: I mean, Pokemon are in there.
SPEAKER_1: Do people just like have Pokemon in the Salt Craving Cinematic Universe?
SPEAKER_1: When in the Salt Cravings timeline do people get Pokemon?
SPEAKER_1: Is this eggshell era or?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, so I think the earth hatches, and then instead of just one giant baby, it is like a million tiny babies, and those babies are Pokemon, and that's how Pokemon are born.
SPEAKER_1: Great, I love that.
SPEAKER_2: And that's why we have the different regions.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_2: Those are the different eggshells.
SPEAKER_1: Oh yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_1: And one of the ones that we have, of course, is the floating one that we came up with.
SPEAKER_1: You remember the floating region?
SPEAKER_1: There's a castle in the sky.
SPEAKER_1: Sure.
SPEAKER_1: We made it.
SPEAKER_1: It's great.
SPEAKER_1: We made a lot of shit on this show.
SPEAKER_2: There's a lot of callbacks that I don't.
SPEAKER_1: See, the thing is-
SPEAKER_2: I don't really know how other people are supposed to-
SPEAKER_1: What is a cinematic universe, if not just an opportunity to be like, hey, have you heard of this thing?
SPEAKER_1: Did you know this thing existed?
SPEAKER_1: Look at this thing, isn't this cool?
SPEAKER_1: Look at all these people together.
SPEAKER_2: Doesn't there have to be at least some sort of plot also?
SPEAKER_1: Have you ever seen an Avengers movie, Clair?
SPEAKER_1: No, of course there doesn't.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, well, no, there can be a plot.
SPEAKER_1: There just can't be accurate characterization or any meaningful respect for people's individual stories.
SPEAKER_1: This isn't the Brianna and Clair I came to love.
SPEAKER_1: What happened in episode 42 where...
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, 42.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that's an episode that happened so far, right?
SPEAKER_1: Do you think it's too early for us to have a cinematic universe considering we're on episode 24?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it might be.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, well, that's fine.
SPEAKER_1: And you know, when we get to like 100 episodes.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, I got it.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, what?
SPEAKER_2: So the cinematic universe all takes place.
SPEAKER_2: It's not over the span of a long time.
SPEAKER_2: It's just 24 hours.
SPEAKER_2: And every episode is one hour.
SPEAKER_2: It's just one day.
SPEAKER_1: Oh my God.
SPEAKER_1: Sorry, I'm just now realizing that you can now listen.
SPEAKER_1: If you were to try and binge Salt Cravings, it would take you the length of a day.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, and you would have listened to the entire cinematic universe of Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, this makes sense to me.
SPEAKER_2: Everything is in chronological order already.
SPEAKER_2: We already perfected it.
SPEAKER_1: Also, our mascot for the cinematic universe, Handy Helper.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it helps us along the way.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, do you think Hamburger Helper will sue us?
SPEAKER_1: They have a little hand thing as their mascot.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, but their hand thing is sentient, and ours is a robot.
SPEAKER_1: Ours is a robot.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, yeah, it's amazing how many robots are gonna be in the Salt Cravings cinematic universe.
SPEAKER_1: I'm actually not convinced that there's many organic beings at all.
SPEAKER_1: I think everyone might be robots in the cinematic universe.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, if you listen to the 24 episodes that are now out.
SPEAKER_1: Right, yeah, at the end, at the end, you get the twist.
SPEAKER_2: Tell me one human that you saw in these last 24 episodes.
SPEAKER_1: We're not even human.
SPEAKER_2: Exactly.
SPEAKER_1: Clair, Clair, Clair, is this Craving funny?
SPEAKER_2: There's ups and downs, but it is going to be really fun to watch.
SPEAKER_1: And we're going to make so much money off of it.
SPEAKER_1: Just like how Marvel has made so, so much money.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, really, we're just doing the same thing.
SPEAKER_2: $500 an episode.
SPEAKER_1: That's the normal rate.
SPEAKER_1: What we're going to get for our cinematic universe is going to be even more, because we're going to have to have some budgets.
SPEAKER_2: A really nice hug?
SPEAKER_1: Well, maybe even several.
SPEAKER_1: I can't fathom that amount of money.
SPEAKER_1: You know, hug dollars?
SPEAKER_1: It's like Bitcoin.
SPEAKER_1: One hug dollar is worth a lot of regular dollars.
SPEAKER_2: What's your hug value?
SPEAKER_1: My hug value?
SPEAKER_1: What's my hug?
SPEAKER_1: Wait, how does hug value work?
SPEAKER_1: Hang on, scrap the whole cinematic universe.
SPEAKER_1: I now want to talk about hug value.
SPEAKER_1: What's hug value?
SPEAKER_1: Can you define a hug value for me, Clair?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, well, I think we talked about this when we talked about a good hug.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, we talked about a good hug.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, everyone has their hug value because it is based on the quality of their hug.
SPEAKER_1: But how does this in terms of how do you...
SPEAKER_1: Right, so it's based on the quality of the hug.
SPEAKER_1: Is it possible for you to even know your own hug value?
SPEAKER_1: Because I feel like that's something...
SPEAKER_1: You can't give yourself a good hug.
SPEAKER_1: So it has to be something that someone else tells you.
SPEAKER_2: Exactly.
SPEAKER_2: So we do have like a neutral hug party, and it is just a person whose job is to get hugs from everyone and give them a value.
SPEAKER_1: I'm imagining this person just being in a full, you know, like suit with a clipboard and just like hug it.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, well, interesting.
SPEAKER_2: They're wearing like...
SPEAKER_1: The best part of the show is when you're laughing too hard at your own joke.
SPEAKER_1: This is like how ice cream tasters taste things with a golden spoon.
SPEAKER_1: It was way creepier.
SPEAKER_2: They are wearing...
SPEAKER_2: This is just a speedo.
SPEAKER_1: Just a speedo, great.
SPEAKER_1: Because hugging in a speedo is the ideal way to hug, right?
SPEAKER_1: This is like going weirdly into...
SPEAKER_1: This is going into a weird realm of something that, you know, I'm not sure how legal this would be.
SPEAKER_2: You call them the hug banker.
SPEAKER_2: They catch your hugs.
SPEAKER_2: They'll return your hugs to you later.
SPEAKER_2: You can cash your hug dollars.
SPEAKER_1: God, it's like a really weird token system at an arcade.
SPEAKER_1: Except his hug dollars.
SPEAKER_1: This you can buy for 50 regular dollars or for two hug dollars.
SPEAKER_2: Every store has to have an implemented hug cashier.
SPEAKER_2: And I hate this.
SPEAKER_2: You have to spend so long in school learning how to be a hug cashier because you have to be a true neutral hug party.
SPEAKER_1: I'm not saying this is an extended metaphor for emotional labor, but, Clair, I think you created an extended metaphor for emotional labor.
SPEAKER_1: Welcome to the service industry.
SPEAKER_2: Would you like a hug with that?
SPEAKER_1: Oh, God, this is the worst version of our current society.
SPEAKER_1: It's like, what if capitalism was capitalism, except you also had to physically touch people?
SPEAKER_1: Like, as a part of your job description, no matter what job you were in?
SPEAKER_2: So, whenever they get...
SPEAKER_2: So, our monthly special is when you do buy two pounds of peas, you do get two hugs.
SPEAKER_1: God, I don't want to be that cashier.
SPEAKER_1: I really don't.
SPEAKER_1: Clair, I work at a box office selling tickets.
SPEAKER_1: I really don't want to be like, all right, do you want your change or a hug?
SPEAKER_2: That's why no one wants to work on hump day.
SPEAKER_1: Doesn't even make sense.
SPEAKER_1: Hump day is the day that everyone works.
SPEAKER_2: But nobody wants to.
SPEAKER_1: All right, good point, good point, good point.
SPEAKER_2: Do you want me to give you another craving?
SPEAKER_1: Yes, I would like to go as far away from what we've just been coming up with as humanly possible.
SPEAKER_1: So please give me a craving and please make it just as far as possible away from the nonsense that we've said so far.
SPEAKER_2: So my next craving is parody commercials.
SPEAKER_1: Great one!
SPEAKER_2: So we did talk about a thing that did inspire this, and it was Friends at the Table themed, where it is just Thrawn Deer from Friends at the Table in one of those iTunes commercials, where it's just a silhouette on a solid colored background, dancing with it like an iPod.
SPEAKER_2: You remember those commercials, right?
SPEAKER_1: Oh, I remember those commercials.
SPEAKER_1: I think everyone remembers those commercials.
SPEAKER_1: It was etched into your brain by Apple scientists.
SPEAKER_2: I'm pretty sure there were parody commercials of those.
SPEAKER_1: There were absolutely those meme images online and stuff like that.
SPEAKER_1: It was a meme for a bit, which is terrifying, corporate memes.
SPEAKER_2: As someone who doesn't own cable television, I've sort of been out of touch with commercials recently.
SPEAKER_1: Uh-huh, me too.
SPEAKER_1: I don't own cable television either, so I don't really know what's out there.
SPEAKER_2: So, can we come up with our own parody commercial?
SPEAKER_1: Absolutely we can.
SPEAKER_1: Does it have to parody an existing commercial?
SPEAKER_2: I'm pretty sure that's what a parody is.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, like, Clair, is it a bad idea for me to recommend another podcast?
SPEAKER_2: You can recommend things.
SPEAKER_2: This is our show.
SPEAKER_2: We can do whatever the fuck we want.
SPEAKER_1: That's a good point.
SPEAKER_1: I don't even know if I'd recommend it, because it's something I really enjoy, but it's definitely not gonna be up everyone's alley.
SPEAKER_1: But it's a show called A Woman's Smile.
SPEAKER_2: No, I've never even heard about this.
SPEAKER_2: You've never talked to me about this.
SPEAKER_1: I listened to it recently.
SPEAKER_1: It's incredibly funny.
SPEAKER_1: Content warnings for everything, because it is a satire slash parody of white feminist podcasting.
SPEAKER_1: Where a lot of intense things...
SPEAKER_1: It's very much a show where it can go from ha ha funny cute joke to listening to an example of harassment that just goes in weird directions that are horrifying.
SPEAKER_1: It's a really interesting show, and I think it's doing some really interesting things.
SPEAKER_1: I wouldn't necessarily recommend it for everyone, but one thing that it does super well that literally just has me cracking up on the bus whenever they do it is they do parody adverts.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, good.
SPEAKER_1: They do satirical adverts of the sort of things that you'd be recommended on a podcast, but it's just basically dystopian.
SPEAKER_1: They do some extremely funny ones.
SPEAKER_2: That reminds me, I just watched the first episode of the show that's by the same creators as BoJack Horseman.
SPEAKER_2: It's about a toucan and another animal person.
SPEAKER_2: And in the first episode, one of them's like listening to a podcast, and they have a parody of Squarespace.
SPEAKER_1: Of course they do, of course they do.
SPEAKER_1: Well, hang on.
SPEAKER_1: Here's a good avenue for us to use that.
SPEAKER_1: So, we don't have any sponsors, and as far as I am aware, probably never will.
SPEAKER_1: That means that we can parody whatever podcast sponsors we want.
SPEAKER_2: You know my favorite brand of underwear?
SPEAKER_1: What's your favorite brand of underwear, Clair?
SPEAKER_2: It's Mindy's.
SPEAKER_1: Really?
SPEAKER_1: Cause mine's You Undies.
SPEAKER_2: Tell me about You Undies.
SPEAKER_1: You Undies is a underwear-
SPEAKER_1: It's an underwear that you share with your friends.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's an underwear company in which you buy underwear for other people in your life.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: And it's very high quality, except if you don't want it to be.
SPEAKER_1: See, it can be used as a threat tactic too.
SPEAKER_2: So, on You Undies, you can choose between a micromodal or sandpaper.
SPEAKER_1: And it's gonna not be immediately clear, which it is, right?
SPEAKER_1: That's part of a You Undies guarantee.
SPEAKER_2: It's a perfect blend.
SPEAKER_1: It's a perfect blend, and they'll never know until they put it on, and they start to be like, God, everything hurts and it's super itchy.
SPEAKER_1: And if you really want, you can go for the Poison Ivy.
SPEAKER_2: Those are for moral enemies only.
SPEAKER_1: Moral enemies only.
SPEAKER_2: You have to have member access to get the Poison Ivy.
SPEAKER_1: But yeah, for most, it's whether you're trying to give a great gift or you're trying to-
SPEAKER_2: Impress your enemies.
SPEAKER_1: Impress your enemies.
SPEAKER_1: Or if you're trying to physically harm your enemies with the use of undergarments.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, oh, and right now, you can actually get two for one if you go to youundies.com forward slash salty.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, now the other, the important thing about this deal is one of them does have to be a good pair and the other one does have to be a bad pair.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, and if you do try to order one for yourself, they'll know and-
SPEAKER_2: Well, I mean, you can order one for yourself, but what happens is they send a push notification to a stranger and they get to decide the quality that you get.
SPEAKER_2: So you really are taking your hands, your life into your hands.
SPEAKER_1: You really, really are.
SPEAKER_1: And you know, that's your call, really.
SPEAKER_1: But that's a really good one.
SPEAKER_1: What is mine undies, though?
SPEAKER_2: They went under, youundies bought them.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, okay, that makes sense.
SPEAKER_1: But you know, Clair, I've been thinking that I would really like a box of things delivered to me on...
SPEAKER_2: What kind of box of things?
SPEAKER_1: Like maybe food?
SPEAKER_1: But what if...
SPEAKER_2: What if it was rotten food?
SPEAKER_1: Oh, now this is interesting.
SPEAKER_2: So rotten coat has rotten us...
SPEAKER_2: Has rotten us this new ever thoughtful idea of, I mean, what are you gonna do with rotten food, right?
SPEAKER_2: You're just gonna toss it out.
SPEAKER_2: But think about what you could do with that.
SPEAKER_2: You put in a box, you write a random address on it, and you just send it.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, you just send it.
SPEAKER_1: Like it's a really good...
SPEAKER_1: You're really getting the most rotten meat available.
SPEAKER_1: When supermarkets throw their food away, it's often still good, and that's a big, huge problem with capitalism.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, no, they don't want any of that.
SPEAKER_1: They don't want any of that.
SPEAKER_1: They want the stuff that has been sitting in a dumpster for a very, very long time, rotting very clear, that they go into compost bins around whatever city you're in.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, hell, if you pay a premium price, you just get, they'll just let you rummage around.
SPEAKER_2: They'll just give you a whole bin.
SPEAKER_1: That's called the raccoon deal.
SPEAKER_1: And it's a really, really good, really good offer.
SPEAKER_1: There's all sorts of different options.
SPEAKER_1: You can go online and see the different recipes that again are all rotten food, completely inedible.
SPEAKER_1: If you eat it, you might die.
SPEAKER_1: But the point is not to eat it.
SPEAKER_1: The point-
SPEAKER_2: It's a great deal.
SPEAKER_2: The point is it's a great deal.
SPEAKER_2: And you should just sign up.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it doesn't have to meaningfully benefit you in any way and can actually be a detriment on your life.
SPEAKER_2: There's this weird thing-
SPEAKER_1: But it's a really good deal.
SPEAKER_2: There's this weird thing in consumer capitalism where you do spend money to better yourself, but what if you spent money for bad things?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that like makes your life worse.
SPEAKER_2: What if you spend money to make your life worse?
SPEAKER_1: It's sort of like video games, but with food, really.
SPEAKER_1: So if you want, you can go to rottencoat.com.
SPEAKER_2: Forward slash good idea salt.
SPEAKER_1: Get a solid 10% off your first box of rotten food.
SPEAKER_2: Remember, it's the rotten way you eat.
SPEAKER_2: So I do have one more advertisement.
SPEAKER_1: Wow, we're doing a lot of advertisements, which is totally fair.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, we need to make money.
SPEAKER_2: We use this one a lot.
SPEAKER_2: So it is CircleRoom, it's a website provider.
SPEAKER_2: They give you, they...
SPEAKER_2: So there is one website and you just sort of, you go on CircleRoom and you sign up and they just give you your website.
SPEAKER_2: You don't get to choose anything.
SPEAKER_1: It will, now, Clair, I'm really wondering, is it gonna be just a random assortment of like letters or is it gonna be like existing words?
SPEAKER_2: There's nothing random about it.
SPEAKER_1: Right, they have...
SPEAKER_2: You just get their one website.
SPEAKER_2: They only have one.
SPEAKER_1: They only...
SPEAKER_2: It's all the thought has taken out of it.
SPEAKER_2: It's like when you go to a French restaurant and the menu's already thought out for you.
SPEAKER_2: You just, you don't get a choice.
SPEAKER_2: You get your seven course meal.
SPEAKER_2: You know, it's perfect.
SPEAKER_2: It's exactly what you want.
SPEAKER_1: Here's my question.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Is it the same website that everyone else also has?
SPEAKER_2: Well, well, yeah, but not everyone else.
SPEAKER_1: Right.
SPEAKER_1: Only people sign up with CircleRoom.
SPEAKER_2: Exactly.
SPEAKER_2: You're in a network.
SPEAKER_2: You are one with everyone else.
SPEAKER_1: So it's circleroom.com.
SPEAKER_1: And then is there like a forward slash for what you're?
SPEAKER_2: No, it's all circleroom.com.
SPEAKER_1: No, it's all circleroom.
SPEAKER_2: No, everyone gets circleroom.com.
SPEAKER_1: Right, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: I was wondering if there was like a way to section it up.
SPEAKER_1: If there were like different grades.
SPEAKER_2: No, it's just circleroom.com.
SPEAKER_2: Awesome, awesome.
SPEAKER_2: It's one page.
SPEAKER_2: Everyone gets that page.
SPEAKER_2: It's $20 a month, and you get to go to circleroom.com.
SPEAKER_2: You get to tell people about circleroom.com.
SPEAKER_1: The thing that's really interesting about this is it's very economical, right?
SPEAKER_1: Like the internet is full of all these different websites that don't matter, like saltcravings.com.
SPEAKER_2: It's cluttered.
SPEAKER_1: Like it's completely cluttered.
SPEAKER_1: It's wasteful, really.
SPEAKER_2: There's just too many websites.
SPEAKER_1: This is a much greener option.
SPEAKER_1: This is what's going to save the planet.
SPEAKER_2: Recycle your websites.
SPEAKER_1: Recycle your websites, use one website.
SPEAKER_1: Don't use it for your own purposes.
SPEAKER_1: You just are able to visit it.
SPEAKER_1: Again, this is an important part of the deal.
SPEAKER_2: Circle Room.
SPEAKER_2: Do your part in environmental eco-friendliness.
SPEAKER_1: They've got a really good slogan.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it really rolls off the tongue.
SPEAKER_1: We forgot to say our special link.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, there isn't one, right?
SPEAKER_2: I know, it's just circleroom.com.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, there's a link.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, we don't really have a discount for you on this one because they don't give discounts.
SPEAKER_2: Everyone gets the same treatment.
SPEAKER_1: Everyone gets the same.
SPEAKER_1: It's a really equalizing opportunity.
SPEAKER_1: So there's this really interesting new product.
SPEAKER_1: Now, we've never talked about this on the show before, but I do want to share this new product.
SPEAKER_1: It's called Whip.
SPEAKER_1: And...
SPEAKER_2: It's just a whip.
SPEAKER_1: So it's a tooth cleaning product.
SPEAKER_1: But it is a whip.
SPEAKER_1: It's sort of...
SPEAKER_1: No one really flosses these days, right?
SPEAKER_1: No one really flosses.
SPEAKER_1: No one has ever flossed.
SPEAKER_1: No one's ever flossed.
SPEAKER_1: You don't floss.
SPEAKER_1: Hey, for the ad sake, for the ad sake, you're not allowed to say that you floss because this is how we're doing this for the ad.
SPEAKER_1: Okay.
SPEAKER_1: Now, why do the listeners, why do the listeners say that you love this product?
SPEAKER_2: I love this product so much.
SPEAKER_1: And whip is a product in which you whip your teeth with this special whip and with just, you know, whatever toothpaste.
SPEAKER_2: Is it like a tiny whip?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's a really tiny whip.
SPEAKER_1: It is incredibly like, it's painful, right?
SPEAKER_1: Like, you know, there's no two ways about it.
SPEAKER_1: It is a whip, right?
SPEAKER_1: It's gonna be painful, but it is about whipping your teeth and just getting all the dirt and gunk and everything that's in there since we've been eating so much dirt and rotten food.
SPEAKER_1: But you whip your teeth and it just all comes out, and it only takes an hour a day.
SPEAKER_2: And what about the training sessions?
SPEAKER_2: They do three for five training sessions now.
SPEAKER_1: They do three for five training sessions.
SPEAKER_2: You pay for five and you get three.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, and what they do is they will come over to your house, and how convenient is that, right?
SPEAKER_1: How convenient is it that they come over to your house?
SPEAKER_1: So you have to give them a key.
SPEAKER_1: This won't be when...
SPEAKER_2: They do take the key.
SPEAKER_1: They do.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: They take the key.
SPEAKER_2: It's when you haven't been whipping correctly.
SPEAKER_2: They'll come help you.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, so what they do is they'll come in, and if you're not home, they'll wait for you.
SPEAKER_1: It's very convenient.
SPEAKER_1: But if you are home, they'll come in, come up to you, won't say anything, right?
SPEAKER_1: It's not awkward.
SPEAKER_1: You don't have to have any awkward small talk.
SPEAKER_1: They'll just come with the whip and just whip your teeth.
SPEAKER_1: Isn't that what we all need in our busy day-to-day lives is just new options for brushing our teeth.
SPEAKER_1: It makes brushing your teeth more fun.
SPEAKER_1: It makes it an experience, right?
SPEAKER_1: It's challenging.
SPEAKER_2: Are your gums bleeding?
SPEAKER_2: They will be after this.
SPEAKER_1: So if you want, you can go to whip.gov forward slash, we are not in charge of our advertisements.
SPEAKER_1: Someone is making us do this.
SPEAKER_1: Please help us.
SPEAKER_1: And you can get-
SPEAKER_1: It's all one word.
SPEAKER_1: You can get the full deal today with, this is gonna hurt.
SPEAKER_2: Great.
SPEAKER_2: So now that we're done with ads, do you wanna give me a final craving?
SPEAKER_1: I would love to.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: So, you know, this is something that someone really knows does need to create a device for.
SPEAKER_1: And I'm not sure exactly what form it's gonna take, but, Clair, my dreams are bad.
SPEAKER_1: And I would really love for my dreams to not be so bad.
SPEAKER_2: Craving no more nightmares.
SPEAKER_1: I'm craving dream control.
SPEAKER_1: I'm craving the ability to control what dreams I have, because I think dreams are a really unexplored area for getting stuff done.
SPEAKER_2: So you want lucid dreaming.
SPEAKER_2: You crave to lucid dream.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, every single time.
SPEAKER_1: Like, I really want to lucid dream every single time, because I have a lot of nightmares.
SPEAKER_1: This is not, none of this is funny.
SPEAKER_1: This is just like, pretty much every time I dream, it is a nightmare or it is something deeply disturbing at the very least, right?
SPEAKER_1: Like it'll be anxiety-filled.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, shit like that.
SPEAKER_1: That's a stupid joke.
SPEAKER_1: It's a great joke.
SPEAKER_1: We're not doing this.
SPEAKER_1: I'm not giving you a laugh for that one.
SPEAKER_2: A little laced lucid for it.
SPEAKER_1: I'm not giving you a laugh for that one.
SPEAKER_1: It's not a good joke.
SPEAKER_2: It's a very good joke.
SPEAKER_2: No one appreciates my art.
SPEAKER_1: I would like to get art done in my dreams.
SPEAKER_1: That'd be cool if I could just like work through some stuff in my dreams instead of having nightmares that are just anxiety-filled dreams of whatever make.
SPEAKER_1: I like keep now a journal of my dreams.
SPEAKER_1: And sometimes my dreams come up with extremely good and funny things.
SPEAKER_1: One I was talking about on Twitter recently was when you and I actually went on a trip to New Connecticut, which is visible from Florida.
SPEAKER_2: Wait, in what direction?
SPEAKER_1: How is it visible?
SPEAKER_1: In the dream, we were first in New Connecticut, and then we went to Orlando.
SPEAKER_1: And when you looked at, and I was really worried because I had to go back to New Connecticut for some reason.
SPEAKER_1: And when we were in Florida, I would be looking out across the desert that is Florida, and would look out across the desert and in the distance would be a giant bustling city called New Connecticut.
SPEAKER_1: This sounds like some bullshit joke I made up.
SPEAKER_1: This was an actual dream I had, and you were in this dream.
SPEAKER_2: I just want, when you say it was visible from Florida, do you mean like...
SPEAKER_1: Like on the horizon, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: No, I get that this doesn't make any meaningful sense.
SPEAKER_2: Why don't your dreams make sense, Brianna?
SPEAKER_1: That's just exactly what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_1: But it comes up, that's gold.
SPEAKER_1: There's some gold in my dreams that I need to pan for.
SPEAKER_1: And I would like to be able to just control how, when, what type of dreams to have, use some creative urges out there that doesn't, again, give me severe anxiety and leave me waking up with my heart pounding and breathing heavily, which happens many times.
SPEAKER_2: Wear a thing that helps you lucid dream, solved that part.
SPEAKER_2: So what are you gonna, so what you lucid dream about, what you dream about is absolutely controlled about by what you think about.
SPEAKER_2: So tell me what you wanna dream about and then maybe it'll come true, cause we talked about it.
SPEAKER_1: What do I wanna dream about?
SPEAKER_1: I would like to dream solutions to hard problems.
SPEAKER_1: I would like to just use my unconscious mind to just be constantly working on like the problem of, like the problems of my life in the world.
SPEAKER_2: Now I do.
SPEAKER_1: It's like how, okay, where am I gonna be living in September?
SPEAKER_1: And I'm just let the dream figure that one out.
SPEAKER_2: I do wanna ask, you did say you want your dreams to stop being anxiety filled.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, but this is the crucial thing, right?
SPEAKER_1: Is like if it's just, you know, using my brain, right?
SPEAKER_1: It doesn't necessarily have to be anxiety filled.
SPEAKER_1: It can be about things that I have anxiety about, but rather than being situations that make me anxious, like being blown up or falling off cliffs, I die in a lot of my dreams.
SPEAKER_2: So where are you gonna live in September?
SPEAKER_2: What if your dream's just like Bikini Bottom?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Then I have to go into the sea.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I mean.
SPEAKER_1: Which is fine.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Cause I can breathe underwater.
SPEAKER_2: Exactly.
SPEAKER_1: So yeah, that sounds great.
SPEAKER_2: It's weird cause Squidward died, so you do live in there most of vacancy.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so Squidward dies.
SPEAKER_2: Your new neighbors are Patrick and Spongebob.
SPEAKER_1: Sounds great.
SPEAKER_1: We can all be gay together.
SPEAKER_2: What?
SPEAKER_1: I think it's pretty clear.
SPEAKER_1: One something that I know, and I'm not sure if other people know this, is there was once a conspiracy theories about how Spongebob was homosexual propaganda.
SPEAKER_1: Oh.
SPEAKER_1: Because he was effeminate and flamboyant, and also he and Patrick had a slightly undefined relationship that sometimes mirrored couples.
SPEAKER_1: I would like to reclaim that and state that Spongebob and Patrick are gay and are very happy together.
SPEAKER_2: No more hiding under a rock.
SPEAKER_1: I mean-
SPEAKER_2: Patrick is out and proud.
SPEAKER_1: In Bikini Bottom, they call it coming out of the rock.
SPEAKER_2: Uh, we're coming out of the rock and we're doing just fine.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_2: So where are you gonna work when you live in Bikini Bottom?
SPEAKER_1: Well, it seems like it's kind of a capitalist hellscape down there.
SPEAKER_1: Everywhere kind of feels like the worst.
SPEAKER_1: I think the best option that I have is essentially to go to the Chum Bucket, just ignore Plankton completely.
SPEAKER_1: Go to Karen-
SPEAKER_1: Go to Karen, be like, hey, do you want to start a business?
SPEAKER_2: Oh, what if she says no?
SPEAKER_1: She wouldn't.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_2: All right, what's the business you're gonna start?
SPEAKER_1: Well, it's gonna be an exotic things business.
SPEAKER_1: AKA, I go back up to the surface, get things and bring them down.
SPEAKER_1: Do you see how much they freak out any time anything like from the surface comes down?
SPEAKER_1: What if they just had that all the time of just a place, hello, welcome, I have wares from the surface?
SPEAKER_2: You're gonna be in charge of like a museum.
SPEAKER_2: You're gonna go steal things and like be like, look at my gifts.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I'm gonna be in underwater Indiana Jones and Bikini Bottom, absolutely, absolutely, without a doubt, except like less colonial Indiana Jones, less colonialist Indiana Jones, you know?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's really, it's just taking things and bringing them to the bottom of the sea.
SPEAKER_2: That still kind of sounds like Indiana Jones.
SPEAKER_1: It does sound like Indiana Jones, but the crucial distinction is, I'm bringing mundane things down.
SPEAKER_1: Like I'm not here to bring down like, you know, golden idols or whatever.
SPEAKER_1: That feels like that is a use somewhere and someone can do something with that.
SPEAKER_1: I'm talking paperclips.
SPEAKER_1: I'm talking rice cookers.
SPEAKER_1: I'm talking, yeah, they probably don't have paperclips.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, how would they make paperclips?
SPEAKER_1: Anything that's metal, I think they can't really forge.
SPEAKER_1: Like how would they forge something?
SPEAKER_2: They have fire down there.
SPEAKER_1: No, they don't.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Canonically, they only have fire until they realize that they're underwater.
SPEAKER_2: Just don't tell them that they're underwater.
SPEAKER_1: Don't challenge me on the SpongeBob cannon.
SPEAKER_1: Anyway, this would be a really good dream to have.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, really, there's all sorts of dreams I'd like to have, right?
SPEAKER_1: I think Bikini Bottom is a good solution, though, for that specific fear.
SPEAKER_1: What did you, you said earlier about, oh, you just get a thing to make yourself lucid dream.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Can you elaborate a little more on exactly what that thing is and how that works?
SPEAKER_2: If you have a red light that comes on on a certain time of the night, and then you use it in your dream to remind yourself that you're sleeping, you can...
SPEAKER_2: I don't know why I learned this so long ago.
SPEAKER_2: You can control your lucid dreams.
SPEAKER_2: That's the thing I learned.
SPEAKER_1: That sounds like work.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Sounds like effort.
SPEAKER_1: Sounds stressful, really.
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: You don't wanna do that.
SPEAKER_2: So, what if there was just a little ear worm that you would eat?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, sort of like the babble fish from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
SPEAKER_2: Oh yeah, but it is like a gummy snack.
SPEAKER_1: It's a gummy.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, so you sort of just have some gummy snacks at the side of your bed, and then you pop one in your mouth right before you go to bed.
SPEAKER_1: This sounds like the fucking Matrix.
SPEAKER_2: It kind of just sounds like drugs.
SPEAKER_1: Also does sound like drugs.
SPEAKER_1: We're inventing drugs.
SPEAKER_1: What about magic?
SPEAKER_1: What about just some good old-fashioned magic?
SPEAKER_2: So it is gummies, and they're enchanted with magic.
SPEAKER_1: So it's not drugs, it's potions.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's not drugs, it's potions.
SPEAKER_1: Oh my God, dude, potion gummies.
SPEAKER_2: Potion gummies.
SPEAKER_1: Potion gummies.
SPEAKER_1: How has this not been done before in fantasy of just like urban fantasy things, it's just like, yeah, I got potions for you.
SPEAKER_1: Pack of gummies.
SPEAKER_1: That's really good.
SPEAKER_2: Do you want the bears or the worms?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: The worms will make you bigger, the bears will make you smaller.
SPEAKER_2: Oh wait, Alice in Wonderland already did this like 50 years ago.
SPEAKER_1: Is Alice in Wonderland a dream?
SPEAKER_2: Some people would say yes.
SPEAKER_1: Well, I think those people are wrong because the mad hatter is real and he, just we hang out on Sundays.
SPEAKER_2: What's he like?
SPEAKER_1: A little, a little mad.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: He has a lot of cool hats though, so.
SPEAKER_2: Real, I thought he just had one.
SPEAKER_1: Well, he's got a couple actually.
SPEAKER_1: They all look the same, but.
SPEAKER_2: How big are they?
SPEAKER_1: Pretty big.
SPEAKER_1: Oh.
SPEAKER_1: They're as big as the hat on the mad hatter.
SPEAKER_2: You know what they say about the hat on the mad hatter.
SPEAKER_1: There's multiple of them.
SPEAKER_1: This is your captain speaking, just letting you know that we are touching down in beautiful, new Connecticut.
SPEAKER_1: You shut up.
SPEAKER_1: We are touching down today.
SPEAKER_1: We hope you've enjoyed our flight.
SPEAKER_1: We hope you've enjoyed our flight today.
SPEAKER_1: Don't forget to, don't forget to follow us at Salt Cravings on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
SPEAKER_1: That's where I'm held.
SPEAKER_1: There's also, you can also submit your own cravings for us to have on the flight.
SPEAKER_1: I submit freedom.
SPEAKER_1: You can't submit that craving, but for the rest of you, you can absolutely submit the cravings at submissions at saltcravings.com.
SPEAKER_1: Or in addition to, you can leave us a rating review on Yelp.
SPEAKER_2: Tell them to free these.
SPEAKER_1: On Yelp, also known as iTunes or Google Play.
SPEAKER_1: They're of course now doing flight reviews, so that's very good.
SPEAKER_1: Sorry, what was that?
SPEAKER_1: Your name is what?
SPEAKER_1: Great.
SPEAKER_1: I thought we went to pilot school together.
SPEAKER_2: Why do you not know my name?
SPEAKER_1: Listen, it's hard to keep track of all these names, okay?
SPEAKER_1: I gotta remember all the names of all the flight attendants, all the passengers.
SPEAKER_1: I can't be expected to remember your name.
SPEAKER_2: I thought we went to school together.
SPEAKER_1: Did we?
SPEAKER_1: I thought you were a passenger I kidnapped.
SPEAKER_1: We're being very unclear about what exactly the relationship here is.
SPEAKER_1: But I think we can all agree that we want to thank you for flying with Salt Cravings today.
SPEAKER_1: And we hope you'll be joining us again soon.
SPEAKER_1: Oh no, we're crashing!