SPEAKER_2: And I'm Clair.
SPEAKER_1: Who's ready for summer?
SPEAKER_2: I'm a little too hot.
SPEAKER_1: It's like very hot.
SPEAKER_2: It's way too hot.
SPEAKER_1: It's like, I'm just like completely butt naked, and I'm still like super duper hot.
SPEAKER_2: I've decided to just become jello, because then I can melt in on myself.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, and it's like so incredibly hot.
SPEAKER_1: It's like basically the hottest it's ever been.
SPEAKER_2: 10, it's been 10 hot.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, the sun is on fire.
SPEAKER_1: It's that hot.
SPEAKER_1: Wow, what?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, the sun's on fire.
SPEAKER_2: Since when?
SPEAKER_1: Well, because it's so hot since this morning, because it's super hot today.
SPEAKER_2: God, what was the sun made out of before?
SPEAKER_2: I forgot.
SPEAKER_1: Sun stuff, star stuff.
SPEAKER_1: It was made of star stuff, just like you and me, Clair.
SPEAKER_2: Wow, so when are we gonna catch on fire?
SPEAKER_1: Well, you know, we'll see how long the podcast comes for.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, are you having fun with summer so far with the encroaching summer?
SPEAKER_1: It's not summer, but it's summer.
SPEAKER_1: You know how it's not summer, but it's summer?
SPEAKER_2: You know how it's not summer, but global warming makes everything hotter?
SPEAKER_2: We don't talk about it, it's not real.
SPEAKER_1: If we don't talk about it, it's not real.
SPEAKER_2: So this is a funny podcast where we don't talk about that.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, and instead we talk about cravings.
SPEAKER_1: How's your fun in the sun giving you any particular summer cravings?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I mean, it has, but not for the, well, maybe for the cravings today.
SPEAKER_2: It's more like, how can I avoid the sun at all costs?
SPEAKER_2: Because my first craving is, I really, really, really keep thinking about how badly I want to play PlayStation 4.
SPEAKER_2: My craving is just to play the PlayStation 4, because I haven't owned a PlayStation since the second one.
SPEAKER_2: It came out in many years ago.
SPEAKER_1: It did come out in many years ago.
SPEAKER_1: That is accurate.
SPEAKER_1: Is there, what is it about the PlayStation 4 that is particularly special?
SPEAKER_1: Because we've talked before about how much you enjoy playing your Nintendo Switch and the Switch rules.
SPEAKER_1: It does.
SPEAKER_1: It is an awesome console.
SPEAKER_1: You're right.
SPEAKER_1: And has very particular things.
SPEAKER_1: Is there anything special about the PlayStation 4 that makes you really want to get on that?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, two games.
SPEAKER_2: One, the game inspired by the Smash character, Joker, Persona 5.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, it feels like maybe the cause and effect that you've described there might be a little backwards.
SPEAKER_2: Explain.
SPEAKER_1: From my understanding, and now I'm no expert, Joker may have come from Persona 5 before being in Smash.
SPEAKER_2: I don't think that's correct.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_2: I would stake many, many time and money on that.
SPEAKER_2: A lot, in fact, as we've established as an amount.
SPEAKER_1: You would stake many, many time and money, a lot, in fact, on?
SPEAKER_2: On Smash coming before Persona 5.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I think a cursory Google search would tell you that Smash actually came out in the early 80s.
SPEAKER_1: Wow, you're totally right.
SPEAKER_1: Smash came out in 1979 and Persona 5 came out 2060.
SPEAKER_2: I'm so glad that we have Google, this optimized engine that really gives us the truth.
SPEAKER_1: So, yeah, always.
SPEAKER_1: So you want to play Persona 5.
SPEAKER_1: Is this a craving for wanting to play Persona 5 or what's the other game that makes you want to play?
SPEAKER_2: The other game is the Spyro Trilogy Remastered because I did play, I think it was Age of Dragons.
SPEAKER_2: I think it was the second one or whatever.
SPEAKER_2: Back on the PlayStation 1, but only at...
SPEAKER_2: I don't know if you had this memory.
SPEAKER_2: You ever go to like your friend's house and they have the console that you don't?
SPEAKER_2: So whenever you're over, you play their console?
SPEAKER_1: Yes.
SPEAKER_2: That was the PlayStation 1 for me.
SPEAKER_2: And so I always got to play Spyro, but I never got to own Spyro.
SPEAKER_2: And so my craving is to play the PlayStation.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, perhaps it is these specific two games and perhaps these are not AAA titles, like most PlayStation owners would care about.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: I guess God of War looked okay.
SPEAKER_1: Spider-Man seemed cool.
SPEAKER_2: Spider-Man also, honestly, yeah, Spider-Man did seem cool.
SPEAKER_1: These are good games.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, you just jump around, you just jump around.
SPEAKER_1: I love the Spider-Man game where you just hop.
SPEAKER_1: You just hop.
SPEAKER_2: Spider-Man's actually a bunny now.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I didn't know why they didn't call it Rabbit Man.
SPEAKER_2: Rabbit Boy.
SPEAKER_1: Rabbit Boy.
SPEAKER_2: Rabbit Boy jumps buildings in a single hop.
SPEAKER_2: Nope, that's two.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, no, no, it took three, four.
SPEAKER_2: No, that's too many hops.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, those are some good game choices, and it seems like a good console.
SPEAKER_1: I guess-
SPEAKER_2: How do I solve this craving?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I think I have an idea.
SPEAKER_2: We raid Sony's headquarters.
SPEAKER_2: We have similar ideas.
SPEAKER_1: How are we raiding Sony's headquarters?
SPEAKER_1: I was immediately ready to plan a heist, so I'm glad we're on the same-
SPEAKER_2: Heist episode, heist episode.
SPEAKER_2: All right.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, you know, it's been like 10 episodes since our last heist.
SPEAKER_1: So it's time for another heist.
SPEAKER_2: And we have new technology from our tech wizard that we keep in the basement of our heist facility.
SPEAKER_2: And we've come prepared with these new tools of ultimate heisting.
SPEAKER_1: Yes.
SPEAKER_2: What are these tools?
SPEAKER_2: What are these tools that we're going to use to break into Sony's headquarters?
SPEAKER_1: So the first is the detector.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, that's a really good name.
SPEAKER_2: It really tells you exactly what it is and what it does.
SPEAKER_1: So what it does is it detects things.
SPEAKER_1: And it will scan a place and detect what's in it.
SPEAKER_1: So it'll just sort of know.
SPEAKER_1: And it looks like something completely innocuous.
SPEAKER_2: In what way?
SPEAKER_1: Well, it looks like a robot.
SPEAKER_1: So no one would ever suspect that it is.
SPEAKER_2: I have one question.
SPEAKER_2: Sorry, how is it scanning?
SPEAKER_2: Is it scanning with a barcode?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, so like a laser.
SPEAKER_2: One.
SPEAKER_1: Right, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: So like a laser scanner comes out and goes up and down the building.
SPEAKER_1: And it sees through walls.
SPEAKER_2: Is it just a big printer?
SPEAKER_1: It might be a printer, but...
SPEAKER_1: Well, it started as a printer, but we've modified it.
SPEAKER_2: Given it life.
SPEAKER_1: Given it life.
SPEAKER_1: Given it some laser scanning potential.
SPEAKER_1: Also, X-ray capabilities.
SPEAKER_1: It sees through walls.
SPEAKER_1: Which is how it can detect all the things that are inside.
SPEAKER_2: Okay.
SPEAKER_1: And so it just sort of up and down.
SPEAKER_2: Alright, so when you say it detects things, what are the limits to this?
SPEAKER_2: What can it not detect?
SPEAKER_2: Is there like a lead to Superman's vision sort of thing?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it can detect anything that isn't metal.
SPEAKER_2: Aren't most buildings metal?
SPEAKER_2: Wait, I'm pretty sure Sony has a lot of metal.
SPEAKER_2: This is not gonna help us.
SPEAKER_1: Well, no, see, this is where you're thinking short-sighted because it detects the things that aren't metal, and therefore you know what is metal.
SPEAKER_1: And you can see the outlines of the metal things because they won't show up on the scan.
SPEAKER_1: And also it shows you where all the people are, unless, again, unless the people are robots.
SPEAKER_2: What if the building has metal girders?
SPEAKER_1: Well, that's not a problem because it sees through walls.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, okay, even if they're metal.
SPEAKER_1: It wouldn't see those.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, okay, so metal walls don't...
SPEAKER_1: No, it's not like the metal...
SPEAKER_1: It's like an exception.
SPEAKER_1: It's not the metal blocks it, it's that it can't see metal.
SPEAKER_1: When it would look like...
SPEAKER_2: It's not that it's opaque, it's that it's transparent.
SPEAKER_1: It's completely transparent.
SPEAKER_1: It would look like Sony's headquarters are in the middle of a park, essentially.
SPEAKER_1: No, it'd be just them floating in a void, especially if the floor is like metal and the walls are metal.
SPEAKER_1: It's just, wow, this is a weird void Sony.
SPEAKER_1: But, you know, that's only one part of our plan.
SPEAKER_2: That's just one of...
SPEAKER_2: That's just one tool.
SPEAKER_1: That's just one tool in our arsenal.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: What's another tool that's right up our arsenal?
SPEAKER_2: So it's the Frappling Hook, which it's a grappling hook, but it looks like a Frappuccino.
SPEAKER_2: So you can just carry it around, and you can even drink it.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: But the more you drink it, the shorter the line gets.
SPEAKER_1: So if you drink it too much, your grappling hook's really short.
SPEAKER_1: So my...
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so my first question is like, how does that work in terms of the tech?
SPEAKER_1: Because, you know, we have our tech wizard locked in the basement.
SPEAKER_1: He can never leave, ever.
SPEAKER_1: But we usually do try to get him to explain how the tech works.
SPEAKER_1: So is the grappling hook the liquid?
SPEAKER_2: Well, yeah, you see, the real technology behind this is the coffee to string converter.
SPEAKER_1: Is it slime?
SPEAKER_2: The coffee?
SPEAKER_2: No, it's coffee.
SPEAKER_1: And it converts coffee into string.
SPEAKER_1: Not just regular string?
SPEAKER_2: Strong string.
SPEAKER_1: Trademark, strong string.
SPEAKER_1: I believe that's just called strong.
SPEAKER_1: Strong string.
SPEAKER_2: So you know what?
SPEAKER_2: There probably is.
SPEAKER_2: Like, if you catch it at a bad moment, like if it gets interrupted or something, it's probably just going to become slime.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that makes sense.
SPEAKER_2: And then you can't convert it either way because your converter, I mean, it's stuck.
SPEAKER_2: It's not strong string or strong.
SPEAKER_2: It's not coffee.
SPEAKER_1: So you have to be careful when you use it.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you have to whisper to it for five seconds to complete the transformation.
SPEAKER_1: What do you whisper to it?
SPEAKER_2: Well, it depends which way you're going.
SPEAKER_1: Which way you're going?
SPEAKER_2: Are you turning into coffee or are you turning into string?
SPEAKER_1: Let's say you're turning into string.
SPEAKER_1: What is something you'd whisper to it?
SPEAKER_2: You'd have to whisper like, strong string, strong string, strong string, strong string.
SPEAKER_2: And then if you go to the coffee, it's just yum.
SPEAKER_1: So it's very, it's very much a chant, it sounds like.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it's magic.
SPEAKER_2: It's tech magic.
SPEAKER_1: It's tech magic.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, that's how I, I'm not the tech wizard locked in the basement, so I'm describing it as tech magic.
SPEAKER_2: I assure you it is science.
SPEAKER_2: Well, I don't assure you it's the tech boy that we have.
SPEAKER_1: The tech boy in the distance.
SPEAKER_1: Tech boy, the tech wizard.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: It's weird.
SPEAKER_1: It's like he doesn't want to leave.
SPEAKER_2: Do you want to like tell me how you would use the Frappling Hook?
SPEAKER_1: Yes, absolutely.
SPEAKER_2: So how can we use this?
SPEAKER_1: So I think what we'll find.
SPEAKER_1: So when we use, let's use the detector.
SPEAKER_1: And the detector says that all the PlayStation 4s are kept on the third level of the Sony building.
SPEAKER_2: How many levels are there?
SPEAKER_1: There's like 12.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, cool.
SPEAKER_2: Great.
SPEAKER_2: So it's not that.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, so it's a quarter of the way up.
SPEAKER_1: And so basically, the plan is you take your Grappling Hook.
SPEAKER_1: You take your Frappling Hook.
SPEAKER_1: Apologies, sorry.
SPEAKER_2: Very important.
SPEAKER_1: Frappling Hook TM.
SPEAKER_1: And you go string, string.
SPEAKER_1: Get some string.
SPEAKER_1: Grapple right up to that third floor.
SPEAKER_1: Because there's a ledge there.
SPEAKER_1: There's a little ledge there.
SPEAKER_1: The detector showed us that.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, great.
SPEAKER_2: This is great because once we're on that edge, we can just whisper yummy, yummy, yummy, yum, yum, yum.
SPEAKER_2: And like no one knows how we got up there, so it couldn't have been us.
SPEAKER_1: Exactly, exactly.
SPEAKER_1: And then we use what I'm calling the unglasses.
SPEAKER_2: Did we get a name and you just renamed it?
SPEAKER_2: Or like, is that what they were called?
SPEAKER_1: We got a name, it was pretty stupid.
SPEAKER_1: It was something like technology...
SPEAKER_2: Ocular modification unit.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, technology ocular modification unit.
SPEAKER_1: And that was very wordy.
SPEAKER_2: We wanted to call it the tomu.
SPEAKER_2: And like, I think the unglasses really fits.
SPEAKER_1: The unglasses really fits.
SPEAKER_1: But what it does is exactly what it sounds like.
SPEAKER_1: It modifies technology.
SPEAKER_2: Is that what it sounds like?
SPEAKER_1: Well, it's a technology modifier.
SPEAKER_2: The unglasses?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, the unglasses.
SPEAKER_1: Well, you know, its original technical name is what it sounds like.
SPEAKER_1: The unglasses, much better for selling, much better for marketing.
SPEAKER_1: You know, we're all about marketing here at Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_1: Marketing, marketing, marketing.
SPEAKER_1: Capitalism is good.
SPEAKER_2: Sponsored by unglasses?
SPEAKER_1: The unglasses can just modify technology.
SPEAKER_1: So we'll use it to open up the windows.
SPEAKER_1: Because the windows at Sony are tech windows.
SPEAKER_2: That's true.
SPEAKER_1: They have tech shutters.
SPEAKER_1: So we just open up the tech shutters and unlock the tech windows.
SPEAKER_2: Great.
SPEAKER_2: So once we're now in the third floor of Sony, this is great.
SPEAKER_2: We're almost there.
SPEAKER_2: It's home free.
SPEAKER_2: Like we're so close, but there's a security guard coming.
SPEAKER_1: What are you going to do about that, Clair?
SPEAKER_2: Well, I'm going to take out my podcast gun.
SPEAKER_1: Your podcast gun?
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_2: I'm going to shoot podcasts.
SPEAKER_1: So what is a podcast gun, and how do you shoot podcasts, and what does it do?
SPEAKER_2: Well, I'll answer that in order.
SPEAKER_2: A podcast gun is a gun that shoots podcasts.
SPEAKER_2: A podcast gun shoots podcasts, and you have to shoot it in order to get the podcasts out.
SPEAKER_2: I think I answered all of those correctly.
SPEAKER_1: How does this help with the security guard?
SPEAKER_2: Well, I mean, once he's going to be too busy listening to those podcasts.
SPEAKER_2: So, like, once he's distracted, once we've gotten past this guard, then it's home free.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, but the door.
SPEAKER_1: The door, and it's not a tech door.
SPEAKER_1: Unfortunately, because, like, otherwise we can just use the technology modifier.
SPEAKER_2: It's made of wood.
SPEAKER_1: Which also I'm using to deactivate the cameras, of course.
SPEAKER_1: Of course, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: I don't even need to reset.
SPEAKER_1: But it's a wooden door.
SPEAKER_2: And we all know from video games that you can't use technology on wood.
SPEAKER_1: It's true.
SPEAKER_1: And so I think the only thing left to do, of course, is to genetically modify the wood.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, great.
SPEAKER_2: How are we doing that?
SPEAKER_2: What are we using?
SPEAKER_1: Well, we're using this thing called Genetic Modification Unit of Genetic Modification.
SPEAKER_1: You know, the, uh, gngn.
SPEAKER_2: This really rolls off the tongue.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I know.
SPEAKER_2: This sounds great.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, like...
SPEAKER_1: And so what it does...
SPEAKER_2: Just opens a big hole in it?
SPEAKER_1: Well, it turns the door into something else.
SPEAKER_2: Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_1: And then you roll your dice.
SPEAKER_2: And you pick from the chart.
SPEAKER_1: You pick from the chart of what it turns it into.
SPEAKER_1: It is a dice.
SPEAKER_1: It is random of what it changes it into.
SPEAKER_1: Let's roll it and let's see what it comes out with.
SPEAKER_1: Fire.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, the door is fire now.
SPEAKER_1: The door is fire, and that means it's, you know, gonna fall and we can just step over the fire.
SPEAKER_2: And here we are at the PlayStation 4.
SPEAKER_2: I am home free.
SPEAKER_2: We escape, obviously.
SPEAKER_1: And the building burns down because of the fire door.
SPEAKER_2: We have the last PlayStation 4.
SPEAKER_2: Well, we grabbed two.
SPEAKER_2: We sell one on eBay for like $10 million because it's the last PlayStation 4.
SPEAKER_2: And then we play Spyro in Persona 5.
SPEAKER_2: This is great.
SPEAKER_2: Thank you for helping me solve my craving.
SPEAKER_2: Do you want to give me a craving?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, can I just say that was a very weird sequel to Ocean's 8.
SPEAKER_2: I believe that's called Ocean's 11.
SPEAKER_1: No, it's Ocean's 9 actually.
SPEAKER_2: Nine and three quarters.
SPEAKER_1: So you got your PlayStation 4.
SPEAKER_1: Everything's good.
SPEAKER_1: All that remains is to have some fun activities in the sun.
SPEAKER_1: This is not one that I do exclusively in the sun, but it is one that I tend to do in the sun, and it is swimming.
SPEAKER_1: Wow.
SPEAKER_1: Because I have chronic pain, one of the few ways that I'm able to exercise is by swimming, and it's a really, really fun time.
SPEAKER_2: Get that good liquid all over you.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I love when I get the liquid all over me, and it's just like all over me, and I'm just in the liquid.
SPEAKER_1: It's like really fun to be just like in the liquid.
SPEAKER_1: It's like very sportsy and splashy.
SPEAKER_2: You know what we say on Salt Cravings, get in that liquid.
SPEAKER_1: Get in that liquid and sports and splash.
SPEAKER_1: The main issue with swimming, though, is it is an imperfect way to exercise regularly, and it is imperfect for how much work it takes.
SPEAKER_1: Because here's a list of problems with swimming, and what I'm hoping we can do here is make swimming better and go through this list of issues.
SPEAKER_2: Well, what if we just go one by one?
SPEAKER_2: Just like, what's the first issue?
SPEAKER_1: So the first issue is getting there and getting changed and all of that, because we're trans, and it's the most stressful experience in the entire world to get changed in a change room, so you always have to go into the bathroom, it takes more time.
SPEAKER_1: Anyway, the first issue is having to change out of your day clothes where you exist in the world and your swim clothes where you exist in the sea.
SPEAKER_2: I think I have a solution.
SPEAKER_1: What's the solution?
SPEAKER_2: It is inspired by Radiology Labs.
SPEAKER_1: I don't like where this is going.
SPEAKER_2: So when you enter a Radiology Lab, you have to walk through a big scanner.
SPEAKER_2: Now, what if instead of buying a swimsuit, you walk through a big room, and as you're walking through the room, it takes your clothes, and you are now wearing a swimsuit.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, no changing required.
SPEAKER_2: This is the swimsuit room.
SPEAKER_1: This is great.
SPEAKER_1: My main question, you said it's, you know, inspired by radio...
SPEAKER_2: Radiology.
SPEAKER_1: Radiology, yep.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I got one.
SPEAKER_1: How much radiation exposure are we talking about here?
SPEAKER_2: It depends on the number of times you go through it.
SPEAKER_1: So let's say, theoretically, because if I want to exercise, you know, maybe I want to do it daily.
SPEAKER_1: What if I'm looking at doing it daily?
SPEAKER_2: I know units of radiation, and I would say that it gives you five.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, five units of radiation.
SPEAKER_2: It gives you five.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, it gives you five.
SPEAKER_1: How many days before I risk radiation poisoning?
SPEAKER_2: I'm gonna be honest, and I don't say this a lot on Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know.
SPEAKER_2: That information is behind a paywall.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so what you're saying here is, like, you can't technically access this technology because it's behind a paywall.
SPEAKER_1: It still sounds like a pretty good idea to me.
SPEAKER_2: It does sound like a good idea.
SPEAKER_2: I think it's perfect.
SPEAKER_1: I think it's a good solution.
SPEAKER_2: This is a great solution.
SPEAKER_1: That's step one.
SPEAKER_2: What's the next problem with swimming?
SPEAKER_1: So the next problem with swimming, you know, it is fun to splash about in the water, and swimming is very fun if you do it with a friend.
SPEAKER_1: But I get swimming free because I'm on disability, and some of my friends don't get that, and therefore, they end up having to pay again and again and again.
SPEAKER_1: And so they don't...
SPEAKER_1: I don't always want to put them through that and make them experience, you know, having to pay again and again and again and again.
SPEAKER_1: Which is to say, how can I make swimming fun on my own so I don't have to like take someone with me and do that whole thing?
SPEAKER_1: Because right now, it's boring.
SPEAKER_1: I can't exactly listen to a podcast in the pool.
SPEAKER_2: Okay.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, a pool cast.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, there's like, I mean, buy waterproof headphones or bring a sex doll.
SPEAKER_2: And now you have your friend.
SPEAKER_2: And the sex doll will float.
SPEAKER_1: No, I see.
SPEAKER_2: And you're no longer alone.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, well, I see where you've gotten confused about what the purpose of having a friend there serves for me.
SPEAKER_2: Well, the sex doll is just because I don't really know many other blow up dolls that are full size.
SPEAKER_1: What I mean is, it's fun because it's social, and it's social experience.
SPEAKER_1: You get to talk with them.
SPEAKER_2: You can name your...
SPEAKER_1: No, well, you can...
SPEAKER_1: can the sex doll respond?
SPEAKER_2: We could put a speaker in it.
SPEAKER_1: No, well, no.
SPEAKER_2: Wait, wait.
SPEAKER_2: What if we hooked it up to Skype?
SPEAKER_1: No, well, okay.
SPEAKER_1: What if we hooked it up to Skype?
SPEAKER_2: And then...
SPEAKER_2: and then your friend could talk to you, and it looked like you weren't alone.
SPEAKER_1: These damn kids replacing real human connection with Skypedian voices connected to sex dolls in the pool, in the public pool.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah, I think that would work.
SPEAKER_2: Tell me why that wouldn't work.
SPEAKER_1: I cannot think of a reason except for all of them.
SPEAKER_1: So I cannot think of a specific reason.
SPEAKER_1: It is a bad idea.
SPEAKER_1: I do want to put that out.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, well, there's one.
SPEAKER_1: So the main one of my concerns is having a sex doll in a public pool with children around.
SPEAKER_1: A little questionable.
SPEAKER_2: It's like a blow up.
SPEAKER_2: You can put a shirt on it.
SPEAKER_2: If you're really that against nudity at a goddamn pool.
SPEAKER_2: Like, all right then.
SPEAKER_2: Sorry that this like plastic nudity is worse than your normal nudity.
SPEAKER_1: No, Clair, Clair, how often do you think people are new to the public pool?
SPEAKER_2: Way too often.
SPEAKER_2: Way, way, way too often.
SPEAKER_1: Are you sure you've been going to public pools and not to some other type of area?
SPEAKER_2: I am unfortunately positive that there are almost certainly always at least one naked person when I go to the pool.
SPEAKER_1: Is that in the change room?
SPEAKER_2: They start in the change room.
SPEAKER_2: If you ever see a blow up sex doll that is naked, it might be me with that sex doll at the pool.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, I guess it's a fine...
SPEAKER_2: Now, I'll have my friend, and you'll be alone, and I'll have my podcast headphones that are waterproof.
SPEAKER_2: We'll both be listening.
SPEAKER_1: The sex doll will be listening?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, the sex doll also has headphones.
SPEAKER_1: Is the person who's Skyping in listening, or is it just the sex doll?
SPEAKER_2: Depends if it's a good podcast or not.
SPEAKER_2: I think they can mute it.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so they might want to mute this one.
SPEAKER_1: Sure, that's another good solution.
SPEAKER_1: And then the third, now the third problem.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, is this the final one?
SPEAKER_1: This is the final one.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, it's gotta be a doozer then.
SPEAKER_1: It's basically the biggest, most unsolvable problem in the world.
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_1: When you get out of pool, you try to dry off, but does it work?
SPEAKER_1: Wet.
SPEAKER_1: So, I think we can all understand exactly what I mean there.
SPEAKER_1: It's like when you come out of pool, wet.
SPEAKER_1: Try to dry?
SPEAKER_1: Wet.
SPEAKER_1: Still wet?
SPEAKER_1: Wet.
SPEAKER_1: Hair?
SPEAKER_1: Wet.
SPEAKER_1: Face?
SPEAKER_1: Wet.
SPEAKER_2: Can I recommend something?
SPEAKER_1: Sure.
SPEAKER_2: Have you tried a towel?
SPEAKER_1: Still wet.
SPEAKER_1: See, here's the thing, Clair.
SPEAKER_1: Here's the main issue.
SPEAKER_1: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_1: Here's the main issue.
SPEAKER_1: I have fairly thick hair, and the issue with thick hair is it kind of absorbs water like a sponge, and no matter how much you try to dry it out with a towel, it remains damp.
SPEAKER_2: I got it.
SPEAKER_2: The spongier towel.
SPEAKER_2: It's spongier than your hair, and it is a towel, so it is a big floppy sponge that you can just absorb.
SPEAKER_2: And you got to be careful because it's really absorbent, and if you're not too careful, it is just going to start absorbing your body liquids.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so it'll absorb the liquid in your hair?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_2: It'll dry out your hair completely.
SPEAKER_2: If you ever drop it in a pool, the pool will be gone.
SPEAKER_2: Not only the water, it'll evaporate so fast that the pool will disappear.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, wow.
SPEAKER_1: That's a very absorbent sponge.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you know like when a star collapses in on itself so fast that it can create a black hole?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, if you drop this sponge in like just a pool of water, it's gonna react like cesium, but also this...
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: You perfectly nailed it.
SPEAKER_2: Great.
SPEAKER_2: So I'm glad you got it.
SPEAKER_2: So like...
SPEAKER_2: What is this?
SPEAKER_2: What's happening?
SPEAKER_1: The droplets of water coming out of the sponge.
SPEAKER_2: I don't...
SPEAKER_2: Real...
SPEAKER_2: This is great.
SPEAKER_2: So when you wring it out...
SPEAKER_2: If you wring it out over your head, it's just like a really quick shower.
SPEAKER_1: It seems like it might be more than a quick shower.
SPEAKER_2: It's like a salty or chlorinated shower.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, chlorinated shower is exactly what I like to take.
SPEAKER_2: It's illegal to take these to beaches because of the water.
SPEAKER_1: First of all, chlorine shower, not a great idea.
SPEAKER_1: Gonna keep it real.
SPEAKER_1: Not the best idea, but you don't have to use it for that.
SPEAKER_1: So I guess it's fine.
SPEAKER_1: Second concern, it is gonna dry out your body.
SPEAKER_2: You use it with tongs.
SPEAKER_1: That doesn't seem like it helps.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, no more wet.
SPEAKER_2: Your hair, not wet.
SPEAKER_2: Your body, not wet.
SPEAKER_2: No more wet, unwet.
SPEAKER_1: Well, your body is 70% water.
SPEAKER_2: But your hair is less probably.
SPEAKER_1: Right, but my concern is it might soak up all that water and dry you out completely.
SPEAKER_2: This is what the tongs are for, so then you pat yourself with it.
SPEAKER_1: And it doesn't activate so fast that it sucks.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: It's like when you...
SPEAKER_1: It's like...
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_2: Got it.
SPEAKER_1: What if it sucks all the water out of the tongs?
SPEAKER_2: What, the water tongs?
SPEAKER_1: Well, no, just, you know, tongs probably have liquid in them.
SPEAKER_2: Really?
SPEAKER_1: What if it thinks that the metal is liquid?
SPEAKER_2: What if it thinks the metal is liquid?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, because you know how, like, metal is liquid when it heats up enough?
SPEAKER_1: What if it tries to heat up the tongs so it can take the liquid?
SPEAKER_2: You know everything can become a liquid, right?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that's my main concern.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_1: What if it tries to make everything liquid, Clair?
SPEAKER_2: Oh, it's the liquefier.
SPEAKER_1: It cannot be satisfied.
SPEAKER_1: It hungers for liquid, and it will liquefy everything in its quest for more liquid.
SPEAKER_1: That's my main concern.
SPEAKER_2: And that's the last tool that we took on our espionage run.
SPEAKER_2: It's the liquefier.
SPEAKER_1: What did it do?
SPEAKER_2: It just turned Sony into liquid after it turned on fire.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, so we put out the fire?
SPEAKER_2: We put the fire into liquid.
SPEAKER_2: We made liquid fire.
SPEAKER_2: Then we sold that on eBay too.
SPEAKER_1: We're very rich.
SPEAKER_1: You know, all this is nitpicking.
SPEAKER_1: Really, it seems like we've developed a better swimming experience with the only possible side effects of radiation poisoning, sex doll in a public pool, and murdering everyone.
SPEAKER_1: And murdering everyone in sucking the liquid out of absolutely everything.
SPEAKER_2: Sounds better.
SPEAKER_1: Minor concerns.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, overall positive experience.
SPEAKER_1: Overall fairly positive.
SPEAKER_2: Yelp says 3.5.
SPEAKER_1: Is Yelp reviewing our craving solutions now?
SPEAKER_2: Yep.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, we have to give Yelp...
SPEAKER_2: Yelp certified cravings.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, we have to give Yelp ratings to all of our craving solutions.
SPEAKER_1: How would you rate our heist solution?
SPEAKER_2: It's like PS4 out of 5.
SPEAKER_1: Fucking...
SPEAKER_1: Tell me your next craving.
SPEAKER_1: I'm mad at you.
SPEAKER_1: Tell me your next craving.
SPEAKER_1: Tell me your next craving so I can just forget.
SPEAKER_1: Forget about the words you just said.
SPEAKER_2: So I just want to read my next craving verbatim.
SPEAKER_2: It says, me games, but good.
SPEAKER_2: And then in bracket, was me tomo good?
SPEAKER_2: And I did look this up before we started recording, and me tomo got shut down.
SPEAKER_2: So I think the answer is no.
SPEAKER_1: Tell me a little bit more about me games, but good.
SPEAKER_2: So do you remember like the find me and the puzzle games from like the DS or whatnot?
SPEAKER_2: You'd like have your me, and then you'd pass someone with your DS.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's like me pass or whatever.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, your me pass.
SPEAKER_1: Me plaza, whatever.
SPEAKER_2: So you'd like bring your 3DS with you or whatever, or DS.
SPEAKER_2: I don't even remember how old the me games were.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Your 1DS or your, I think it was your 3DS.
SPEAKER_2: Your 3DS.
SPEAKER_1: Or your 2DS.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you bring those.
SPEAKER_1: Not your 1DS.
SPEAKER_2: You bring those with you, and if you pass someone, you had street pass, and so they would come into your game and you could use them in mini games.
SPEAKER_2: They all fucking sucked.
SPEAKER_1: They did.
SPEAKER_2: Except the find me, which was okay.
SPEAKER_1: Find me was okay, but it could have been better.
SPEAKER_2: They did make a second one.
SPEAKER_1: I will say the last game that I remember having a lot of fun with that had me's prominently features would have been Wii Sports Resort.
SPEAKER_1: And the Wii Sports in general, those games were really fun.
SPEAKER_1: Wii Sports Resort was a whole lot of fun.
SPEAKER_1: I played the sword fighting mini game so goddamn much.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Was it like, was that a me game though?
SPEAKER_1: It had me's prominently featured.
SPEAKER_1: It was like about.
SPEAKER_1: It was me's on the island.
SPEAKER_1: It was me's everywhere.
SPEAKER_1: It was a swarm of me's.
SPEAKER_2: Not the me's.
SPEAKER_1: Don't let your me's be dreams.
SPEAKER_2: So I wanted a good me game.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so we're building this game.
SPEAKER_2: What's the good me game?
SPEAKER_2: What is the premise?
SPEAKER_1: Well, so what?
SPEAKER_2: I want this to be a game where if you took the me's out of it, you just don't have a game.
SPEAKER_2: I want it to be fundamentally built on the fact that these are me's, but also good.
SPEAKER_1: So you know how the me channel is great and making me's is fun?
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_1: What if?
SPEAKER_1: What if it was a game about making me's, but it had more to it than the me channel, which it's like, oh, me channels was like, oh yeah, make these me's, whatever.
SPEAKER_2: Crank them out.
SPEAKER_1: What if the making the me's was the game?
SPEAKER_2: Like me factory.
SPEAKER_1: Me factory.
SPEAKER_2: Welcome to me factory.
SPEAKER_1: Welcome.
SPEAKER_2: A game about me.
SPEAKER_1: Welcome to, welcome to me factory.
SPEAKER_1: This is the voice that the main person takes.
SPEAKER_2: What do you do with the me's?
SPEAKER_2: Like you make them, and then what do you do with them?
SPEAKER_1: Is it like a building?
SPEAKER_2: In what way?
SPEAKER_1: What way do you think would be best?
SPEAKER_1: Let's build this together, Clair.
SPEAKER_2: Okay.
SPEAKER_1: What would you do with the me's that requires you to build them in particular ways?
SPEAKER_2: What if it was like a city builder, and you could assign every me an individual scale, so it's kind of like Sims, but better, because they're me's.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's me Sims.
SPEAKER_1: But not Sims.
SPEAKER_2: It's me factory, yeah, but not Sims, because Sims is bad, and me is good.
SPEAKER_1: Sims is bad and terrible, and everyone who likes the Sims is wrong and bad.
SPEAKER_2: You heard it here first.
SPEAKER_1: We both agree with this opinion.
SPEAKER_1: But I think you're on to something.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, so I really want to make these me's individualized.
SPEAKER_1: Sure, and I think like it makes you make different me's every time.
SPEAKER_1: And if you're gonna make more than one of the same, then they have to be twins.
SPEAKER_2: Now, here's an idea.
SPEAKER_2: What if you don't build the city?
SPEAKER_2: What if the me's build the city?
SPEAKER_2: And it depends on what me's you build on what city you get.
SPEAKER_1: I like that.
SPEAKER_2: It's like a city planner, but you only plan the citizens.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, you plan the citizens, which I think just means like you make them look a certain way, and then you give them a set of stats.
SPEAKER_1: Oh.
SPEAKER_1: I think you give them a set of stats.
SPEAKER_2: Can we like tweak their IVs and their hidden defense?
SPEAKER_1: Yes, absolutely.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, of course, give them hidden abilities.
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_1: That whole thing.
SPEAKER_2: This one shoots spikes out of their nostrils.
SPEAKER_1: This one has vines out of its butt.
SPEAKER_2: I love Poison Ivy.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that's the Poison Ivy me.
SPEAKER_1: There's definitely tie-ins with existing franchises.
SPEAKER_2: Well, this is the best part about me is they're everybody.
SPEAKER_1: They're everybody.
SPEAKER_2: There is no IP that's safe.
SPEAKER_2: That's the slogan.
SPEAKER_1: That's the slogan, no IP is safe.
SPEAKER_1: How do you determine specifically what the me's are going to build?
SPEAKER_1: Like if you need a hospital...
SPEAKER_2: You don't.
SPEAKER_2: You just have to build enough me's that care about making medicine.
SPEAKER_1: How do you make me's care?
SPEAKER_2: You give them the attribute...
SPEAKER_2: Yes.
SPEAKER_1: You give them the attribute sick, because sick people do want to get better in general.
SPEAKER_1: And this definitely has no reflection on disability politics, and we don't have to consider disability politics.
SPEAKER_2: Me Factory is the perfect me-topia.
SPEAKER_1: Do you remember how Ubisoft was talking a lot of game about how all their games are non-political?
SPEAKER_2: What?
SPEAKER_2: Sorry, I want to go into this.
SPEAKER_1: So Ubisoft...
SPEAKER_1: The people in charge of Ubisoft made claims in recent...
SPEAKER_1: I think it was a recent interview in an article or something where they said all of their games are non-political because they are trying to ask questions, not trying to propose solutions.
SPEAKER_1: This includes, yes, the one we saw at E3, in which Watch Dogs 3 is a game about building a resistance movement in an authoritarian government, a version of London, in which people are trapped in cages and things are really, really bad in general, and you're trying to build a populist resistance movement, totally non-political.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: So...
SPEAKER_2: Sorry, I'm just also thinking, didn't they also do Assassin's Creed?
SPEAKER_1: They did.
SPEAKER_2: The one that explores, like, all of history?
SPEAKER_1: Non-politically.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: You know, like, the wars of art history, like, many different wars.
SPEAKER_1: Yep.
SPEAKER_2: The apolitical wars, as they're known.
SPEAKER_1: The apolitical...
SPEAKER_2: The wars that had no impact on politics.
SPEAKER_1: The wars of apolitics, yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_1: I will say the person who's in charge of Watch Dogs 3 has come up and said, like, yeah, no, this game is political.
SPEAKER_1: But the people in charge of Ubisoft are really wanting to claim that their games are apolitical, which is wild, but I think we have a great opportunity here to build an apolitical city builder game.
SPEAKER_1: Because no one wants politics, no one wants anything to do with that.
SPEAKER_2: So we're putting the resistance in, and that's apolitical.
SPEAKER_1: I actually had a concept for a game a while back that might fit here.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, insert it in the factory.
SPEAKER_1: My concept for the game was essentially the first half of the game is this kind of resistance building game, it's like a war type game.
SPEAKER_1: And the first half of the game is your people trying to cause this revolution and like, topple the existing authority and install your own government.
SPEAKER_1: The second half of the game is you doing that government and trying to govern your city into a grand new future.
SPEAKER_1: No one, everyone focuses on the revolution part, no one focuses on the building a new society part.
SPEAKER_2: So this is great, because I've suddenly realized how to make this like co-op and friends introduce like, okay, so here's how you make a new save file of MeFactory.
SPEAKER_2: You start by building your MeFactory army, and you need to take a city.
SPEAKER_2: What city?
SPEAKER_2: The city your friends built.
SPEAKER_2: And once you take their city, you build a new city.
SPEAKER_2: And guess who's gonna try and take your city?
SPEAKER_2: It's your friends.
SPEAKER_1: So is there a single player mode?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, there's probably generated cities off of like, you know, the internet.
SPEAKER_1: But this is like a constant thing where you have to hold the city against a rebellion.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I mean, that'd be an, it's like Clash of Clans, but what if Mies?
SPEAKER_1: Clash of Mies, okay.
SPEAKER_2: Clash of Mies.
SPEAKER_1: I would like to also say though, what if you focus on the political aspect and you get that political intrigue, you get that decision making about what way your society is gonna go, get like the, you know, what do you build out of the ashes, right?
SPEAKER_1: And you're not constantly worried about like, what if this was not a game that is necessarily focused on a constant rotating militarism?
SPEAKER_2: I mean, I was thinking, you take the city, but then, you know, that city that your save file isn't being taken, it's just a version of that gets sent to your friends, so they can take your most updated city on their save file if they want.
SPEAKER_1: I thought it was more along the lines of you're constantly having to look out for your friends.
SPEAKER_2: I did say Clash of Clans.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, because your friends are trying to...
SPEAKER_2: I didn't want Clash of Clans, but it was headed that direction.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: My original idea was, where do you get these cities that you take from, right?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_2: Well, they're probably your friends.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that makes sense.
SPEAKER_2: Who previously made cities.
SPEAKER_2: And the best part is, when you make your me's, you can be like, okay, so this me had three years of polysci and one year of physics.
SPEAKER_2: This me dropped out after two years of mathematics, and this me got a GED, realized that university was a crack job and just like led the revolution.
SPEAKER_1: I like this a lot.
SPEAKER_2: In the second half.
SPEAKER_1: So the second half.
SPEAKER_2: Do you still, do you like now, do you contribute me's?
SPEAKER_2: Like, do you get a whole new set, like way to create your me's?
SPEAKER_2: Like, what are the new aspects?
SPEAKER_2: What are the things that you can give your me's now?
SPEAKER_2: You couldn't previously give your me's.
SPEAKER_1: Well, I think, I think then it becomes more, the Sims like in that you're raising me's.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_1: Because like Tomagotchi.
SPEAKER_1: I think like, I think the first section of the game is you're building me's to be part of this revolution.
SPEAKER_1: You're recruiting them, stuff like that.
SPEAKER_1: The second part is I think you, they fuck now.
SPEAKER_1: Now the me's fuck because they did the revolution.
SPEAKER_2: Batman and Spider-Man have sex.
SPEAKER_1: Yes.
SPEAKER_1: So first, all right, so first you do your revolution.
SPEAKER_1: Then you do your fucking.
SPEAKER_1: Then you make utopia.
SPEAKER_1: I think also there's like immigration.
SPEAKER_1: There's me immigration.
SPEAKER_1: There's me migration.
SPEAKER_1: There's me immigration.
SPEAKER_1: And like maybe that's like me's from your friend's cities.
SPEAKER_1: Your friends create me's and then they immigrate to your cities.
SPEAKER_2: That's fun.
SPEAKER_1: A lot of me's are like, you know, you're raising them.
SPEAKER_1: You have to think of the children.
SPEAKER_1: You have to build schools.
SPEAKER_2: So is it like Pokemon when you make one of your me's hold an ever stone, the children also gets one of the attributes of your me's?
SPEAKER_1: That was a weird thing because that's like a Pokemon fact that most people don't know about Pokemon.
SPEAKER_1: Really?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that's that's like a thing that I only think I learned like a couple of months ago because I was never that concerned about like competitive Pokemon.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, my...
SPEAKER_1: So, but I think that that's true.
SPEAKER_1: I think that like, I think you can control that in that way.
SPEAKER_1: No, you can't.
SPEAKER_2: No.
SPEAKER_1: Sorry.
SPEAKER_1: The reason that you can't is because we're getting way too close to choosing like having a eugenics way to control birth.
SPEAKER_2: But you can make a me that wants to do that.
SPEAKER_2: They don't have to be good.
SPEAKER_2: Your me's don't have to be good people.
SPEAKER_1: You're right.
SPEAKER_1: I guess you could make a hell city in which people support eugenics.
SPEAKER_2: Welcome to my city.
SPEAKER_2: It's hell.
SPEAKER_1: Welcome to my city.
SPEAKER_1: It's hell.
SPEAKER_2: I guess now this is the best part because when I make hell, you get to take hell.
SPEAKER_2: You get to knock hell down.
SPEAKER_2: Now you get to break the gates of hell down.
SPEAKER_2: And this is when you can transfer all your me's to the Pokemon bank, then transfer them into Pokemon.
SPEAKER_2: Do you want to give me your last craving?
SPEAKER_1: No, I want to talk about that like a little bit more.
SPEAKER_1: Me's are in Pokemon now.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you can transfer your me's over to your new games.
SPEAKER_2: So the best part about me's is they're in every game now.
SPEAKER_2: You flood the world with me's.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, it's like how in Smash me's are in Smash now.
SPEAKER_1: So now they're in every game.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Me flood the world.
SPEAKER_2: Me flood the world.
SPEAKER_1: Me flood the world.
SPEAKER_2: Please give me your last craving.
SPEAKER_1: So my last craving is one about being out and about.
SPEAKER_1: Really, it really is.
SPEAKER_2: In the summer.
SPEAKER_1: In the summer and all the time, really.
SPEAKER_1: Because you know what I crave constantly when I'm out and about?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: I crave the confidence of a fucking man on transit who is not aware of what is going on around him, does not give a shit about anyone else around him, is totally content to sit in the priority seating area and not think about or notice anything.
SPEAKER_1: Can you fathom being on public transit and not being aware of anything around you or really being in public in general and not being aware of everything around you and constantly like, oh god, what's going to happen?
SPEAKER_1: Oh god, I'm in public.
SPEAKER_1: Oh god, this is a problem.
SPEAKER_1: See, there's just men out there who don't think about this.
SPEAKER_1: And I know this because women are always the ones who get up for me when I want a seat on the bus.
SPEAKER_1: And basically my point is I want this confidence because I don't, I am constantly nervous.
SPEAKER_1: So how, how do this?
SPEAKER_2: It's great.
SPEAKER_1: It's great that you came.
SPEAKER_1: That was maybe a little bit intense.
SPEAKER_2: No, it's great because I do have the solution for you.
SPEAKER_2: And it's good that you came to me because I know how to have the confidence, but also like the awareness.
SPEAKER_1: What is it?
SPEAKER_2: So you do just drink a potion.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, well, sort of.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, well, potions aren't real.
SPEAKER_1: So what?
SPEAKER_2: That's rude.
SPEAKER_2: I can't believe you came to this podcast and you just you just shot it down.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, just like that.
SPEAKER_1: Fuck it.
SPEAKER_2: Potions aren't real.
SPEAKER_1: It's not a potion, Brianna.
SPEAKER_1: Listen, I just went with a real craving.
SPEAKER_1: That was being really genuine, and you came out here with potions.
SPEAKER_2: Because we've never come to the podcast with real cravings before.
SPEAKER_2: These are definitely all fake.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, okay, fine.
SPEAKER_1: Potions are real.
SPEAKER_2: No, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_1: Potions are fake.
SPEAKER_1: This is established now.
SPEAKER_2: Welcome to the fiction.
SPEAKER_2: This is how it goes.
SPEAKER_2: So it's not a goddamn potion.
SPEAKER_1: You know how in improv school, they always tell you to say no?
SPEAKER_1: No and no and fuck you.
SPEAKER_1: So potions aren't real.
SPEAKER_2: Potions aren't real, which is why you just need a breath mint.
SPEAKER_2: The secret is just a breath mint.
SPEAKER_2: There's nothing special.
SPEAKER_2: There's nothing special about this breath mint.
SPEAKER_2: Absolutely nothing.
SPEAKER_2: But if you take this breath mint and then you start blowing on the men who are in the priority seating, they'll probably move.
SPEAKER_2: And you know what?
SPEAKER_1: If you don't take the breath mint and you do this, they'll probably still move, but faster.
SPEAKER_1: I think you've misunderstood the part of this that I want.
SPEAKER_2: You want the seat.
SPEAKER_1: Well, yes, obviously.
SPEAKER_1: I think that's probably something that I deserve.
SPEAKER_1: But I want the confidence.
SPEAKER_1: Because I just can't...
SPEAKER_2: Well, this is what the breath mint gives you.
SPEAKER_2: You're confident that when you blow on this person, they're not going to be like, oh, God, that breath is horrible.
SPEAKER_2: They're like, oh, no, I'm being blown on out of...
SPEAKER_2: This is my fault.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, no.
SPEAKER_2: And then they shrink into nothingness, and you have won.
SPEAKER_2: You are the confidence now.
SPEAKER_1: The breath mint has become you.
SPEAKER_1: Wait, you've taken their confidence?
SPEAKER_2: You absorb their confidence by blowing on them.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, now I'm with it.
SPEAKER_1: See, I was going to say that maybe we should try to invent some potions, because the breath mint idea was a little...
SPEAKER_1: It was bad, too, Brianna.
SPEAKER_1: Potions aren't real, and my idea is bad.
SPEAKER_1: Well, now it's...
SPEAKER_1: It's a podcast where Clair is wrong.
SPEAKER_1: Well, now it's a good idea.
SPEAKER_1: Well, now it's a very good idea.
SPEAKER_1: Because I didn't realize that when you blow on someone, you take their strength...
SPEAKER_2: Their confidence, specifically.
SPEAKER_1: You take their confidence.
SPEAKER_1: Wow, I have their confidence now.
SPEAKER_2: And they become like jerky or whatever, and you put them in your pocket for later.
SPEAKER_2: Little snack.
SPEAKER_1: Is that murder?
SPEAKER_1: No, it's jerky.
SPEAKER_1: Because they were a jerk.
SPEAKER_2: There you go.
SPEAKER_1: You got it.
SPEAKER_1: But no, yeah, I think that this is a good idea, because I would like to absorb the confidence.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, so you just sort of absorb their confidence.
SPEAKER_1: What happens to them after that?
SPEAKER_2: I told you, jerky.
SPEAKER_2: You put them in your pocket.
SPEAKER_2: So they actually just become jerky.
SPEAKER_2: They're yours now.
SPEAKER_1: And this isn't murder?
SPEAKER_2: It's, like I said, it's jerky.
SPEAKER_1: Are you sure?
SPEAKER_1: Can they become a person again?
SPEAKER_2: I guess if you water them.
SPEAKER_2: So if you wring the big sponge blanket out over them, yes.
SPEAKER_1: They'll rehydrate.
SPEAKER_1: Will they have their confidence?
SPEAKER_2: They'll have water.
SPEAKER_2: They'll have chlorine.
SPEAKER_2: Their chlorine fills in where their confidence was.
SPEAKER_1: And if you blow on them again, do you take the chlorine?
SPEAKER_2: I think it's no, it's like...
SPEAKER_1: What I'm saying here is I really would like an infinite confidence generator.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, well, okay, but that's dangerous, because you know what they say about having too much confidence?
SPEAKER_2: What?
SPEAKER_2: You're gonna...
SPEAKER_2: you're gonna...
SPEAKER_2: rude.
SPEAKER_1: I love that famous saying.
SPEAKER_1: If you have too much confidence, you're gonna...
SPEAKER_1: rude.
SPEAKER_1: That's my favorite saying after you are something.
SPEAKER_1: Eat!
SPEAKER_1: Can we come up with some other sayings now?
SPEAKER_1: Or sorry, can we talk about some other sayings now?
SPEAKER_1: Because I think that they're really interesting.
SPEAKER_1: Like, maybe...
SPEAKER_2: You got too much jerky?
SPEAKER_2: Not with this sponge.
SPEAKER_1: You take your...
SPEAKER_1: thing.
SPEAKER_1: Towel.
SPEAKER_1: Big sponge.
SPEAKER_1: Towel.
SPEAKER_1: Where does it all go?
SPEAKER_2: When you nail it once, you nail it twice.
SPEAKER_1: Really thinks you make.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: That's the saying.
SPEAKER_2: It's just yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so what if I didn't want to turn anyone into jerky?
SPEAKER_2: Okay, why not?
SPEAKER_2: I just want to know.
SPEAKER_1: What's your hold up?
SPEAKER_1: I'm not thrilled with the murder aspect.
SPEAKER_1: It's not.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, for the third time, it's not murder.
SPEAKER_1: Right, but you're making a living person into jerky.
SPEAKER_1: No, the issue is the jerky, I don't think it counts as a person.
SPEAKER_2: That's rude.
SPEAKER_2: Now, that's rude.
SPEAKER_2: Why?
SPEAKER_1: Can it think?
SPEAKER_2: Wow, wow, I can't believe you just come out here.
SPEAKER_1: Can it think, Clair?
SPEAKER_1: You come out here.
SPEAKER_1: This is an interrogation.
SPEAKER_2: You come out here with your anti-jerky viewpoints.
SPEAKER_2: Of course, the jerky can think.
SPEAKER_2: Now, can it talk?
SPEAKER_1: That's another question.
SPEAKER_1: Listen, I'm just anti-SJW, social jerky warriors.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, but my main concern is, I don't necessarily want to take away someone's ability to speak.
SPEAKER_1: What if I support free speech?
SPEAKER_2: But you do want to take away their confidence.
SPEAKER_1: No, Clair, you want to take away their confidence.
SPEAKER_1: What I want is to have something resembling that confidence.
SPEAKER_1: I don't necessarily want to suck all of their confidence away from them.
SPEAKER_2: You seemed pretty ecstatic about that idea.
SPEAKER_1: You're right.
SPEAKER_1: I guess I got ahead of myself and was very, very quickly prepared to jerkify them.
SPEAKER_1: Is that the name of the process?
SPEAKER_2: Yep.
SPEAKER_1: Okay.
SPEAKER_2: You're just jerking them around?
SPEAKER_1: Nope.
SPEAKER_1: Would you say that when you turn them to jerky, it's jerking on, and when you make them no longer jerky, it's jerking off?
SPEAKER_2: You could say that.
SPEAKER_2: I think that's the same.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_2: Jerk on, jerk off.
SPEAKER_1: Well, I guess that's the only solution I need.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it really is.
SPEAKER_2: So you feeling confident now?
SPEAKER_1: I'm feeling something.
SPEAKER_2: That's the jerky.
SPEAKER_2: Great.
SPEAKER_1: It's me and the jerky.
SPEAKER_1: Love that foley.
SPEAKER_2: Describe the taste, please.
SPEAKER_1: Well, it tastes like thoughts.
SPEAKER_1: It tastes like the thoughts of the jerky.
SPEAKER_2: What are those?
SPEAKER_1: Oh God, I'm in pain.
SPEAKER_1: Oh God, oh God, oh God.
SPEAKER_1: This is horrible.
SPEAKER_1: This is terrible.
SPEAKER_1: This is murder.
SPEAKER_1: I'm just saying what the jerky is thinking.
SPEAKER_1: And it's thinking this is murder.
SPEAKER_1: It can be wrong, but it does feel a little bit, especially if you keep it jerky.
SPEAKER_2: Well, you know what?
SPEAKER_2: You know what, Brianna?
SPEAKER_2: Jerky is always wrong, and it's rude.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, yeah, I can't argue with that.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, no end.
SPEAKER_2: Do you want to give me an outro?
SPEAKER_1: Is that how we describe this now?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, let's let's cruise off into the yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Jerky stocks are rising as are the waves this summer.
SPEAKER_2: Right around the beginning of summer, in fact.
SPEAKER_1: Right around the beginning of summer, what if you want to beat the heat by staying inside linked to your computer or maybe your PS4 if you could access YouTube on it?
SPEAKER_1: So what we're doing, we mentioned this last week, we're gonna bring it up again.
SPEAKER_2: We have a date.
SPEAKER_1: We have a date now of the Salt Cravings one year anniversary live stream.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, God, please come.
SPEAKER_2: That's the name.
SPEAKER_1: That's what we're calling it.
SPEAKER_1: And it is June 29th at 1 p.m.
SPEAKER_1: There will be a link to our YouTube channel in the episode description.
SPEAKER_1: Please go check it out there.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, YouTube doesn't actually let us like name our YouTube channel, apparently.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Until we have a hundred subscribers.
SPEAKER_2: So, I mean, feel free if you want to.
SPEAKER_2: It's really just going to be live shows.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: You're not going to get spammed, we promise.
SPEAKER_1: We do promise, unless until we start our vlogs, you know.
SPEAKER_2: No, no.
SPEAKER_1: But we are doing this live stream, and we would love to have people come out and participate.
SPEAKER_1: And get to like...
SPEAKER_2: Normally, we're like, send in your cravings.
SPEAKER_2: Don't send in your cravings.
SPEAKER_2: Save them.
SPEAKER_2: And then come to the live cravings cast.
SPEAKER_1: And if you aren't going to be able to make it, I mean, it is a Saturday at 1 p.m., but everyone works when they work, right?
SPEAKER_2: We tried to make it as Saturday-y as possible.
SPEAKER_1: As Saturday-y as possible, but I work in a live theater, so I totally get it.
SPEAKER_2: Versus a dead theater.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, a dead theater.
SPEAKER_1: You know, a movie theater.
SPEAKER_2: Night of the Living Dead.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, Night of the Living Dead.
SPEAKER_1: If you can't make it, do send in your cravings ahead of time, and we will talk about them in the live episode.
SPEAKER_1: We will release the live episode into the feed, and we are really, really hoping it's going to turn out well.
SPEAKER_1: Please, please prove us right.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, if not, it sucks, but you'll get to listen to it after, and you'll get to tell us.
SPEAKER_1: Basically.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you can tell us how you feel about it on social media at Salt Cravings on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
SPEAKER_1: Where we will also be posting the links to our YouTube.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, those will also be there.
SPEAKER_2: And if you like us, you can...
SPEAKER_2: Or if you don't like us, but we...
SPEAKER_2: I mean, if you don't like us, why are you listening?
SPEAKER_2: You made it this far.
SPEAKER_1: This is episode 26.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, even if this is the first episode you're listening to, you made an entire episode.
SPEAKER_2: Like, wow, wow.
SPEAKER_2: Congratulations.
SPEAKER_1: You did so well.
SPEAKER_2: So well, so well.
SPEAKER_1: You listened to this.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, but you can go give us a review on iTunes and Google Play.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know if Google Play does reviews.
SPEAKER_1: We were looking into this.
SPEAKER_1: I'm not sure they do reviews and ratings.
SPEAKER_2: Well, go rate us on iTunes.
SPEAKER_1: Go rate us on iTunes.
SPEAKER_1: Tell your friends, hey, if you're in Google Play and you don't have access to iTunes, tell your friends, tell the people around you, you know.
SPEAKER_2: If you wanna, like, I mean, if you think we're good, if you're listening to us and you don't think we're good, why, like, seriously, like, go consume media.
SPEAKER_1: We cannot emphasize this enough.
SPEAKER_2: We cannot emphasize this enough.
SPEAKER_2: Like, go consume media that you enjoy.
SPEAKER_2: Like, don't listen to media just because it's media.
SPEAKER_1: But if you do enjoy our media, other people around you may also enjoy it.
SPEAKER_1: And so what we're asking is, you know, go talk to your friends about it.
SPEAKER_1: Recommend it to people.
SPEAKER_1: We would love to...
SPEAKER_2: We think we're funny somehow.
SPEAKER_1: We think we're funny somehow, and we would love to have everyone involved and, you know, get more people, particularly for the livestream.
SPEAKER_1: I cannot emphasize enough.
SPEAKER_1: I'm begging you, please come to our livestream.
SPEAKER_2: Please come, oh come.
SPEAKER_2: That's what it's called.
SPEAKER_1: Please come, oh come.
SPEAKER_1: Oh come.
SPEAKER_2: Oh come.
SPEAKER_1: Oh come.
SPEAKER_2: Oh come.