SPEAKER_1: Clair, Clair, wake up.
SPEAKER_1: Clair, no, you gotta get up, you gotta get up.
SPEAKER_1: We gotta record, we gotta record.
SPEAKER_1: It's been two months.
SPEAKER_2: What?
SPEAKER_1: We've been asleep for two months?
SPEAKER_2: No, that can't be true.
SPEAKER_1: Look, look at your phone, Clair.
SPEAKER_1: Look at the date.
SPEAKER_2: Oh my God.
SPEAKER_2: This phone is over two months old.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, it's true.
SPEAKER_1: We've been asleep for two whole months.
SPEAKER_2: Jeez.
SPEAKER_1: We've entered the normal state of September, October hibernation.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Is it the annual hibernation that happens every year for two months?
SPEAKER_1: Yes, the one that ends with Halloween.
SPEAKER_1: Where we now are in Halloween.
SPEAKER_2: And we come out of our sarcophaguses?
SPEAKER_1: Yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_2: Or sarcophagi?
SPEAKER_2: What's the-
SPEAKER_2: Sarcophagirls, actually.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: It used to be sarcophagi, but now it's sarcophagirls.
SPEAKER_1: You know, that's how it goes over time.
SPEAKER_1: That's equality.
SPEAKER_1: And-
SPEAKER_2: This is the future that feminists want.
SPEAKER_1: And now we are back from two months of just being asleep.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it's weird how that, we were just like asleep for two months.
SPEAKER_2: My name's sarcophagirl69.
SPEAKER_1: And my name is Spooky Brianna.
SPEAKER_1: It's past Halloween.
SPEAKER_2: How many A's is that?
SPEAKER_1: There's like a lot of A's.
SPEAKER_1: There's some H's at the end too.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it just makes it real confusing.
SPEAKER_1: We unfortunately have missed Halloween.
SPEAKER_2: Oh no.
SPEAKER_1: So no Halloween episode.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, look, we can be real.
SPEAKER_2: The time in which this is being recorded is before Halloween.
SPEAKER_2: So we haven't actually missed Halloween.
SPEAKER_1: But the time after this will be released will be after Halloween.
SPEAKER_2: But from what I've learned is the college kids are doing Halloween next weekend on the first or the third.
SPEAKER_2: And as we all know, it is the college parties that really dictate when Halloween is.
SPEAKER_1: Does this mean I have to scrap the cravings that I have and come up with some Halloween cravings?
SPEAKER_2: Absolutely not.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, great.
SPEAKER_2: This is Halloween, but this is our Halloween.
SPEAKER_1: Right, it's Halloween, but it's like-
SPEAKER_2: This is the craviest Halloween ever.
SPEAKER_1: The craviest Halloween ever.
SPEAKER_1: In that spirit of Halloween of cravings.
SPEAKER_1: Do you want to give me your first craving?
SPEAKER_2: I would love to give you my first craving.
SPEAKER_2: It's proportional representation voting.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, I want you to know this has been on my cravings list.
SPEAKER_2: I think it's quite relevant right now because Canada did just have our election.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, we do still have first past the post voting.
SPEAKER_1: And boy, it's bad.
SPEAKER_2: Boy, it is quite bad.
SPEAKER_1: So the thing about proportional representation is I would love it so much because I've literally, I've lived in several writings in my life.
SPEAKER_1: I have never lived in a writing where the person that I voted for on a federal level won.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I don't think I have either, but that doesn't stop me from voting for the person that I believe in.
SPEAKER_1: Of course, yeah, I still am gonna vote with my heart.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you got it.
SPEAKER_1: But I know that I'm never gonna win.
SPEAKER_2: With first past the post, it's just like, I don't know.
SPEAKER_2: There are arguments against that, which I mean, if you can argue against letting people vote for what they want, is that even a true democracy?
SPEAKER_2: Anyways, this is a comedy podcast.
SPEAKER_2: How can we fix this?
SPEAKER_1: So a while back in BC, there was a referendum of proportional representation, and the referendum was handled what one might call poorly.
SPEAKER_1: And because it was very confusing because they not only had you vote yes for proportional representation or against it, but then they had you also voting for different systems of proportional representation.
SPEAKER_2: Which funny enough was actually going to be chosen by a proportional representational way.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, yes, yes.
SPEAKER_2: I thought that was great.
SPEAKER_1: I thought that was great, but that many options confused a lot of people.
SPEAKER_1: A lot of people didn't understand what was going on.
SPEAKER_1: There was a lot of fear-mongering tactics from first past to post.
SPEAKER_2: There was a lot of fear-mongering tactics.
SPEAKER_1: There was tons.
SPEAKER_1: It was like the first past to post people were like, oh yeah, if we do proportional representations, Nazis will get in parliament, which is wild, because guess what Nazis like?
SPEAKER_1: First past to post, anyway.
SPEAKER_1: But here's the thing.
SPEAKER_1: To get this through federally, or provincially, or whatever, we just gotta make a choice of what system of proportional representation we're gonna do.
SPEAKER_1: And the fact that none of the systems got chosen for in a referendum in BC just means we need a new proportional representation system that you and I, as political experts, are going to develop.
SPEAKER_2: I have my poli sci degree ready.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, mine too, of course.
SPEAKER_2: We both graduated from, with a poli sci degree.
SPEAKER_1: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_1: So-
SPEAKER_2: Do you wanna start us off with your excellent poli sci knowledge?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, so, I mean, there's like stuff like mixed-member proportional, and there's ranked ballots, and-
SPEAKER_2: I mean, but for our new one.
SPEAKER_1: Right, I'm just saying, there's all these different options.
SPEAKER_2: Right.
SPEAKER_1: And I think what we should do is look at somewhat of a ranked ballot system.
SPEAKER_1: But I think the idea of having it just first choice, second choice, cause ranked ballot is essentially, you say, okay, here's who I want as a first choice, here's who I want as a second choice, third choice, fourth choice.
SPEAKER_1: What we need to do is have that, but first choice is just called the best choice.
SPEAKER_1: Second choice is called...
SPEAKER_1: You want me to spell it?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: E-A-U-U-E-A-A-A-E-E-E-I-I-I-U.
SPEAKER_2: And sometimes Y.
SPEAKER_2: So I have maybe a proposition.
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_2: So you know how you do things fairly in say like a Smash Brothers competition, where if I pick the stage, then you pick the character first, right?
SPEAKER_2: Or I believe it's the other way around, right?
SPEAKER_2: Like if you pick the stage, you have to go first.
SPEAKER_2: You have to end, I can counter pick you.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: So what if we play a Smash Brothers and decide who's in charge?
SPEAKER_2: Oh yeah, that's way better than my idea.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so proportionally, you vote for how much of a handicap the opponent gets.
SPEAKER_2: And is there like a layer of abstraction?
SPEAKER_2: Is like every representative is sort of like abstracted as a character, like, oh, if I want to vote for this candidate, I have to pick Lucario.
SPEAKER_1: Right, right, right.
SPEAKER_1: Who's the Lucario of the Canadian political system?
SPEAKER_1: I think it's Justin Trudeau, because the worse things get for him, the better he seems to do.
SPEAKER_1: And he's kind of boring, and I don't love playing with him.
SPEAKER_2: And he got nerfed?
SPEAKER_2: Did he get nerfed?
SPEAKER_2: He did get nerfed, but did Justin Trudeau get nerfed?
SPEAKER_1: Yes, he went from a majority to a minority.
SPEAKER_1: That's basically getting nerfed.
SPEAKER_1: That's what getting nerfed is.
SPEAKER_2: Justin Trudeau, too, I think he's nerfed.
SPEAKER_1: But then you have this great system in which instead of campaigning, because what does campaigning even do?
SPEAKER_1: It's useless.
SPEAKER_1: It's just politicians practicing their smash skills.
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh, as we know, when you go to a political campaign, it is just a bunch of politicians sitting around playing games.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_1: That's how it works.
SPEAKER_2: Now, I don't want to pigeonhole ourselves into just smash.
SPEAKER_2: I want to open our horizons.
SPEAKER_1: Right, so do I, but I also need...
SPEAKER_2: This is an unfair bias, right?
SPEAKER_2: Politics can introduce biases.
SPEAKER_2: And so having only one game, of course, introduces a bias.
SPEAKER_1: It does introduce a bias.
SPEAKER_2: So Street Fighters?
SPEAKER_1: Street Fighter, also good, but consider Street Fighter a character from Smash, so it's the same game.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, it's true, it's the same game.
SPEAKER_1: But before we move on from the Smash Brothers, I have a very important question, which is of the leaders of the federal parties, who mains what?
SPEAKER_1: Oh.
SPEAKER_1: I assume they main top tiers, probably, because they're trying to win.
SPEAKER_2: I don't even know what the top tiers and ultimate are.
SPEAKER_2: I don't follow the leaderboards.
SPEAKER_1: Let's assume Melee.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, well, okay.
SPEAKER_2: Well, in that case, I feel like my first go-to is Andrew Sheer has to main Fox, but he does it very badly.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, of course.
SPEAKER_2: Because he's like, oh, I heard Fox is the best, but he never wins.
SPEAKER_1: Right, like Andrew Sheer does not know how to wave-dash.
SPEAKER_2: He's like, but Fox is the best.
SPEAKER_2: I don't understand.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, Justin Trudeau mains Falco because he's essentially the same, but he's just like tries to be a little bit more interesting and like a little bit more progressive, and people kind of want to fuck him, so that's like Falco.
SPEAKER_1: Great.
SPEAKER_1: And Jugmate Singh, I think, hmm, who does he main?
SPEAKER_2: I mean, I got to shout out Marth, because I think so, he'll give you the tipper.
SPEAKER_1: Jugmeet Singh does apparently tip at drag shows, so that's the same as Marth with the tipper.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that makes sense.
SPEAKER_2: Marth's tipper and Jugmeet Singh tipping is, I mean, an identical thing.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Elizabeth May probably plays a low tier, no disrespect to, well, a little bit of disrespect, you know.
SPEAKER_2: A little bit of salt on this podcast.
SPEAKER_1: A little, I'm just saying the green party, you know, they're doing their best out there.
SPEAKER_2: They recycle really good.
SPEAKER_2: They just have a lot of trash on board that they need to get rid of first.
SPEAKER_1: True, which is why they're probably playing Kirby.
SPEAKER_2: Ooh, just like everyone can get behind them, but only because they just don't know what else to do.
SPEAKER_1: Exactly, exactly.
SPEAKER_1: I don't really care about the other leaders.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah, no me too.
SPEAKER_2: There are no other leaders.
SPEAKER_2: This is a four-party system, as we all know.
SPEAKER_1: As we all know, it's a four-party system in which two of the parties got less seats than another party that we don't talk about.
SPEAKER_1: Anyway, it can't just be Smash.
SPEAKER_2: No, of course not.
SPEAKER_1: And this proportional representation system.
SPEAKER_1: I think it's gotta be sort of a tournament of many types of games.
SPEAKER_2: Ooh.
SPEAKER_1: Right, like it's gotta be the whole of election day.
SPEAKER_2: So like whoever wins at Smash, like then gets to compete whoever won at like Mario Kart.
SPEAKER_1: Well, I think there's that.
SPEAKER_1: And also they win like some seats.
SPEAKER_1: They just win some seats for winning at Smash.
SPEAKER_1: Like, okay.
SPEAKER_2: Is every video game an equal amount of seats?
SPEAKER_2: Like how many seats is Mario Kart versus Smash?
SPEAKER_1: I think they're all probably an equal amount.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_1: But it's just like, it depends on the area of the country, right?
SPEAKER_1: Like whoever wins at Smash, that's got Atlantic Canada.
SPEAKER_2: What about Overwatch?
SPEAKER_2: Like, is that still the same amount?
SPEAKER_2: Or like, because it's like a different console.
SPEAKER_2: Like, I guess it's the same, it can be the same console now.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, they can be the same console.
SPEAKER_1: They're all the same game.
SPEAKER_1: It's all sponsored by Nintendo, of course.
SPEAKER_2: Great.
SPEAKER_2: Canadian elections brought to you by the Nintendo of America, not Nintendo of Canada.
SPEAKER_1: Nope, absolutely not.
SPEAKER_2: You'd be surprised to learn.
SPEAKER_1: I think Overwatch gets you like a fair bit of seats in Ontario.
SPEAKER_2: What about Dota?
SPEAKER_1: They both start with O, so.
SPEAKER_1: Dota, I don't really like Dota, so Alberta.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, wow.
SPEAKER_2: Well, that was easy.
SPEAKER_2: All right, moving on.
SPEAKER_2: We're just gonna go right past that one.
SPEAKER_1: Listen, if Alberta wants me to like them, they shouldn't have voted for the Conservatives in such fucking droves.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I mean, there was what?
SPEAKER_2: One rioting, that was-
SPEAKER_1: That was NDP.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that was it.
SPEAKER_2: So is it just video games or can it be like traditional games, like Magic the Gathering or even just like checkers?
SPEAKER_1: Or consider Track and Field.
SPEAKER_1: Track and Field.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so we all had to do Track and Field in high school and now it's really time to like put it to the test.
SPEAKER_2: I guess all of us who like didn't have a sick note or whatever.
SPEAKER_1: We all did it.
SPEAKER_1: So it's really time to put it to the test.
SPEAKER_1: And this is great because it's gonna counter the fact that like politicians in general are like older and older.
SPEAKER_1: Like not anymore, not anymore.
SPEAKER_2: If you can't do that baton pass without like perfect precision, like do you even get to decide the future of a country?
SPEAKER_1: Exactly, like it makes perfect sense.
SPEAKER_1: And again, you get certain advantages based on how people vote.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, great.
SPEAKER_1: Like this is why it's still proportional representation.
SPEAKER_1: It's a system in which, you know, you get your how you do in the votes.
SPEAKER_2: It's sort of like in the US elections where even though you vote for, you vote for like the house person who then goes and cast their vote, just because you vote for someone, they just get an advantage at track and field.
SPEAKER_2: They don't necessarily win.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's much like first pass the post where your vote might not count.
SPEAKER_2: It's first pass the finish line.
SPEAKER_1: There's literally a post.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Well, here's what we'll do.
SPEAKER_1: It's first pass the post 2.0.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's first pass the post, it's the same system.
SPEAKER_1: We're just, you know, like it's reformed.
SPEAKER_1: We haven't completely changed the system.
SPEAKER_1: It's still first pass the post.
SPEAKER_1: See, we got the post right there.
SPEAKER_1: Now run, now run Chudmeet, run.
SPEAKER_2: It's first pass the post, but the post is in quotation marks.
SPEAKER_2: Is it really a post?
SPEAKER_2: It doesn't have to be.
SPEAKER_2: It's more of the idea of a post that matters.
SPEAKER_1: It's a theoretical post.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, except it's real.
SPEAKER_2: It's a literal theoretical post.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, it's a literal theoretical post that is real, but also an idea.
SPEAKER_1: I think this is a good system.
SPEAKER_1: I would love to see these politicians play Magic the Gathering.
SPEAKER_1: Like I know we, you know, but that was just so good.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, I know we already did their mains, but what colors do they play?
SPEAKER_1: I don't know magic enough.
SPEAKER_2: All right, so Andrew Scheer, please black.
SPEAKER_1: Because it sucks.
SPEAKER_2: Because it's undead.
SPEAKER_1: Right.
SPEAKER_2: Anyways.
SPEAKER_2: Zombie.
SPEAKER_2: He's a zombie.
SPEAKER_1: Andrew Scheer is a zombie.
SPEAKER_1: You heard it here first.
SPEAKER_2: conspiracytheories.com.
SPEAKER_2: Forward slash fear.
SPEAKER_1: What is Trudeau?
SPEAKER_1: I mean, we could, it could just be the colors of their political parties.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: I love playing orange and magic.
SPEAKER_1: That's a normal thing in magic, right?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: The five colors, orange, blue, red, green, and that's it.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Thanks.
SPEAKER_1: Is there anything else that needs?
SPEAKER_2: No, I think we solved it.
SPEAKER_1: I think we got it.
SPEAKER_2: First, they play smash, then they have to run real good.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: It's the perfect system.
SPEAKER_1: And they have to play magic somewhere in there.
SPEAKER_2: Somewhere.
SPEAKER_2: Who knows?
SPEAKER_2: We'll figure it out in post.
SPEAKER_1: First, pass the post.
SPEAKER_2: There we go.
SPEAKER_1: We got there.
SPEAKER_2: Do you wanna give me a craving?
SPEAKER_1: I would love to.
SPEAKER_1: So, okay.
SPEAKER_1: Here's the thing.
SPEAKER_2: You gotta give me a craving, Brianna.
SPEAKER_1: It is a craving.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, all right.
SPEAKER_2: That makes me feel better.
SPEAKER_2: But also, just to be clear, whenever you have to qualify that something is what it is supposed to be, it always worries me.
SPEAKER_1: My craving, okay.
SPEAKER_1: My craving is for the definition of Bigfoot in the Marion Webster Dictionary, online dictionary.
SPEAKER_2: What is the, it's, okay.
SPEAKER_1: The thing-
SPEAKER_2: Can you read it?
SPEAKER_2: What is the current definition?
SPEAKER_1: The thing about the definition of the word Bigfoot in the Marion Webster Online Dictionary.
SPEAKER_2: Is it a fetish?
SPEAKER_1: It's not a fetish.
SPEAKER_1: But it is sort of like a couple of just wax in the face of like confusion and joy.
SPEAKER_1: Here's the, so Bigfoot, noun, often capitalized.
SPEAKER_1: We're all good there.
SPEAKER_1: Everything's normal.
SPEAKER_1: Has the pronunciation, Bigfoot.
SPEAKER_1: And then it tells you the plurals of Bigfoot.
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, wait, I thought there was only one.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that's what you think.
SPEAKER_1: But one is, of course, Bigfoot.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, darn.
SPEAKER_1: And the other is Bigfeet.
SPEAKER_1: Fuck yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Marion Webster tells you that you can either pluralize it as Bigfeet or Bigfoot.
SPEAKER_2: Bigfeet, obviously.
SPEAKER_1: And that's great.
SPEAKER_1: That's like a little-
SPEAKER_1: Bigfoot or geese.
SPEAKER_1: And so that's a fun little like punch in the gut of joy.
SPEAKER_2: Right?
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: But then it gets better.
SPEAKER_1: Because there are two definitions of Bigfoot.
SPEAKER_1: One is, from the size of the footprint subscribed to it, a Sasquatch.
SPEAKER_1: That's-
SPEAKER_1: We know that.
SPEAKER_1: The other is Big Shot.
SPEAKER_2: What?
SPEAKER_1: No, no, no.
SPEAKER_1: No, that's good.
SPEAKER_1: We love that Bigfoot is apparently like means Big Shot.
SPEAKER_2: One of those Bigfoot business people, you know?
SPEAKER_1: And here's the thing, because Marion Webster also lists a set of synonyms and antonyms for Bigfoot.
SPEAKER_2: Great.
SPEAKER_1: And I would like to read those to you because it is the experience of getting slapped in the face repeatedly.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, cool.
SPEAKER_1: Here's some synonyms.
SPEAKER_1: Big, Big Boy, Big Cheese, Big Gun, Big Gun, Big Leaguer, Big Shot, Big Wheel, Big Timer, Biggie, Big Wig, Fat Cat, Heavy, Heavy Hitter, Heavy Weight, High Muck-a-Muck or High Muckety-Muck, Poncho, Kahuna, King Fish, King Pin, Major Leaguer, Muckety-Muck, also Muck-a-Muck, Nabob.
SPEAKER_2: Wait, sorry, there's mucka muck and also big mucka muck.
SPEAKER_1: Listen, I gotta keep going.
SPEAKER_1: Poobah, also Poobah with no H.
SPEAKER_1: And Wheel is also a synonym for Bigfoot, it's Wheel.
SPEAKER_2: Sorry, Wheel.
SPEAKER_1: Wheel.
SPEAKER_2: The round thing.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, the round thing.
SPEAKER_2: Okay.
SPEAKER_1: So those are some synonyms for Bigfoot.
SPEAKER_1: Here's some antonyms.
SPEAKER_1: Lightweight, nobody, non-entity, nothing, Shrimp, Twerp, Whippersnapper, Zero and Zilch.
SPEAKER_1: So-
SPEAKER_2: Good to know that-
SPEAKER_1: It's Bigfoot or nothing.
SPEAKER_2: Bigfoot isn't a nobody, and that's what we, that's like what matters.
SPEAKER_2: Bigfoot matters.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, so I know that that's a whole lot to process.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Can I see the list?
SPEAKER_1: I will show you the list right now.
SPEAKER_2: Cool.
SPEAKER_2: I just, okay, so there is a few, and I really, I just wanna, Hi Mucka Muck and then Muckety Muck are my two favorite because they are so far away from each other.
SPEAKER_2: I'm just gonna click Hi Mucka Muck, and I just need to, I just need to read this.
SPEAKER_2: Definition of Hi Mucka Muck, Muckety Muck, and then I just clicked Muckety Muck.
SPEAKER_2: An important and often arrogant person.
SPEAKER_2: Well, that is a little mean.
SPEAKER_1: Bigfoot could be a little full of himself, but I don't know that it's fair to call him arrogant.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, okay, so going beyond the fact that we have some big feet out there, like there are plural apparently, what if you are the most arrogant Bigfoot, then what?
SPEAKER_2: Are you the muckety-est Bigfoot?
SPEAKER_1: You're the high muckety muck.
SPEAKER_2: Okay.
SPEAKER_1: There's the muckety mucks and there's the high muckety muck who's the most arrogant of them all.
SPEAKER_2: What if you're not that arrogant?
SPEAKER_2: What if you're a Bigfoot and you aren't that arrogant?
SPEAKER_2: Are you really a muckety muck?
SPEAKER_1: It's impossible to know.
SPEAKER_1: Maybe you are instead of being a muckety muck in that case, you're a pooba or a big wheel.
SPEAKER_2: Can we go to pooba?
SPEAKER_1: Sure, let me give a look at pooba.
SPEAKER_1: A person holding many public or private offices.
SPEAKER_1: Or a person in high position or of great influx.
SPEAKER_2: It's the first one.
SPEAKER_2: Welcome Senator Bigfoot.
SPEAKER_2: Our big muck.
SPEAKER_1: Senator Bigfoot.
SPEAKER_2: I'd just like to ask a few questions.
SPEAKER_2: How do you feel about being called a muckity muck?
SPEAKER_2: What about a high muckity muck?
SPEAKER_2: Thank you for your time today.
SPEAKER_2: That's all the questions I had.
SPEAKER_1: I guess the thing about this craving is I love this definition so much.
SPEAKER_2: So what are you craving?
SPEAKER_2: You just like...
SPEAKER_1: What I'm craving is what other cryptid are we gonna give this treatment to?
SPEAKER_1: Because there is no reason, and from what I can tell, no evidence to support the idea that a Bigfoot means a big shot.
SPEAKER_1: And so my question is, let's take a cryptid name and give them a second meaning.
SPEAKER_2: What if someone out there, just like on New York Wall Street was like, you know what, I'm Bigfoot, that's me, you can call me Bigfoot, because I'm so goddamn successful.
SPEAKER_2: I got those Bigfeet, because I'm plural.
SPEAKER_1: I got them Bigfeet, I'm Bigfoot.
SPEAKER_1: What if Bigfoot only has one Bigfoot and the other one's small?
SPEAKER_2: Well, then it's accurate.
SPEAKER_2: Then it's not Bigfeet.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, then it's just Bigfoot.
SPEAKER_2: What if Bigfoot stood on all fours and then all four were Bigfeet?
SPEAKER_2: Is that two Bigfeet or is that four Bigfeet?
SPEAKER_1: That's OK.
SPEAKER_1: That is one entity Bigfoot.
SPEAKER_1: That is four Bigfeet.
SPEAKER_2: OK, cool.
SPEAKER_1: What Cryptid is getting a second meaning?
SPEAKER_2: I mean, my immediate response is like, I want the Loch Ness monster, right?
SPEAKER_2: Like Nessie.
SPEAKER_2: OK, so Nessie, what is Nessled, um, cocooned?
SPEAKER_1: OK, so cocooned.
SPEAKER_1: This makes too much sense.
SPEAKER_1: OK, I guess it does it.
SPEAKER_2: Sorry.
SPEAKER_2: Explain to me.
SPEAKER_2: Loch Ness monster, nestled, cocooned.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, these are all the same words.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, they're basically the same thing.
SPEAKER_1: But I suppose Bigfoot and Bigshot aren't that far away from each other in terms of words.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, are we?
SPEAKER_1: Nessie and Nessie, I'm saying it's a good idea.
SPEAKER_2: I'm saying, you know what, if we're going off of this pattern, you know what else?
SPEAKER_2: Lock, Nest, Monster, Lock, Front, Door, they both start with lock.
SPEAKER_1: I can't argue with that.
SPEAKER_2: Exactly.
SPEAKER_2: But like home security, Lock, Nest, Monster, home security, it's the same thing.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, and then you're nestled inside your home security system.
SPEAKER_1: You're locked and nestled.
SPEAKER_2: They're all synonyms.
SPEAKER_1: You're locked and nestled.
SPEAKER_1: And so a Nessie means someone who stays inside their house and...
SPEAKER_2: So we also got hermit.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that's essentially means hermit.
SPEAKER_2: Same words.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, pretty much.
SPEAKER_2: And so like, I've been quite the lock nest monster recently.
SPEAKER_1: I'm gonna look up some synonyms for hermit.
SPEAKER_1: To really give us an idea of what this is gonna mean at this point.
SPEAKER_1: So now we know that a Nessie means one that retires from society and lives in solitude, especially for religious reasons.
SPEAKER_1: Yes.
SPEAKER_2: What's Nessie's religion?
SPEAKER_1: Nessie doesn't like to define her religion.
SPEAKER_1: She thinks herself spiritual.
SPEAKER_1: She's spiritual, but not religious.
SPEAKER_2: She really likes Burning Man.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, organized religion is like the opiate of the masses and stuff.
SPEAKER_1: So she's spiritual.
SPEAKER_2: See, the beautiful thing about Nessie is it is both a definition for someone who never leaves the house, but also someone who goes to Burning Man.
SPEAKER_1: They never leave the house except to go to Burning Man, and that's a Nessie.
SPEAKER_1: Another synonym for Nessie might be Anchorite, Aramite, Isolate, Recluse, or Solitary.
SPEAKER_2: Solitude.
SPEAKER_2: Or Solitaire.
SPEAKER_1: They're a Solitaire.
SPEAKER_1: Back to Solitaire.
SPEAKER_1: Words related to Nessie would be homebody or shut-in, and near antonyms of Nessie would be socialite or socializer.
SPEAKER_2: Or like unlocked.
SPEAKER_1: It's gotta be with the L-O-C-H.
SPEAKER_1: Unlocked.
SPEAKER_1: Anchorite is a person who lives in seclusion usually for religious reasons.
SPEAKER_1: Aramite, a religious recluse.
SPEAKER_1: Wow, there's a lot of focus on the religious aspect of Hermes, which is something that I wasn't aware was associated with Hermes.
SPEAKER_2: So does that mean the antonym of the Loch Ness Monster is an atheist?
SPEAKER_1: They don't want to believe.
SPEAKER_2: They don't want to believe.
SPEAKER_1: They don't want to believe in Nessie?
SPEAKER_1: Or Nessie?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: It's a little messy.
SPEAKER_1: I think we need to sleep for like a couple more months.
SPEAKER_1: Yep.
SPEAKER_1: That's it.
SPEAKER_1: Is it?
SPEAKER_1: That's a pretty good definition for Nessie.
SPEAKER_2: I'm glad we got our nestled up in Nessie.
SPEAKER_1: So we now know what it is.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, this does kind of give me a good segue into my next craving.
SPEAKER_1: Segue it up.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: My last craving is big cozy sweaters.
SPEAKER_2: I love to be Loch Ness Monster in my big cozy sweater.
SPEAKER_1: We're both wearing big cozy sweaters right now.
SPEAKER_2: Well, my current sweater is bordering on cozy, but it's not big enough.
SPEAKER_2: It's not poofy enough.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, there's sweaters and it is sweater weather, and oh my God, that's my craving, right?
SPEAKER_2: Like it is those big poofy sweaters, because now we're entering sweater weather, but it has to be the poofiest.
SPEAKER_2: I'm not just talking about your average everyday sweater.
SPEAKER_2: I'm talking about your big cozy grandma sweater that you got way too early in the season and you finally have a reason to wear it.
SPEAKER_1: This is like a pride thing of needing to have the coziest, biggest, poofiest sweater.
SPEAKER_2: Yes.
SPEAKER_2: That's fair.
SPEAKER_2: And you just got to show it off to your friends too.
SPEAKER_2: Like, I will just sleep in this and I will be nestled up in my own skin cloths.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_1: Exactly.
SPEAKER_1: Do you not have a sweater that is poofy enough?
SPEAKER_2: I do.
SPEAKER_2: I haven't worn it today because this one has cute animals on it.
SPEAKER_1: They're very cute animals.
SPEAKER_1: They are...
SPEAKER_2: This is my favorite game.
SPEAKER_2: What animal is on my sweater, Brianna?
SPEAKER_2: That's a possibility.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: See, the answer is I don't know.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_2: There is no right answer.
SPEAKER_2: There are selective arguments.
SPEAKER_1: Or there are many right answers.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, that's an optimistic viewpoint.
SPEAKER_1: Listen, we're all about optimism here at Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: So how do we make the best sweater?
SPEAKER_2: What's the material that we use?
SPEAKER_2: What is the optimal material?
SPEAKER_1: I recently saw a video of someone knitting with very, very big strands of wool and very big knitting needles.
SPEAKER_1: They were knitting a blanket, but the huge strands of wool that were...
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I know what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_2: They're those thick ones.
SPEAKER_1: Really, really thick.
SPEAKER_1: And so the thicker we go, the better it is.
SPEAKER_2: Now, the problem with those that I have encounter, some of them are a little scratchy.
SPEAKER_2: So can we combine them with anything to make it super soft?
SPEAKER_2: But also warm.
SPEAKER_2: I don't want that poofy shit that lets air in.
SPEAKER_2: I want tight, knit, warm, poofy.
SPEAKER_1: No, it's gotta be tight knit.
SPEAKER_2: And what are the patterns?
SPEAKER_2: What are the colors?
SPEAKER_2: How do we optimize this sweater?
SPEAKER_1: I mean, this is a good question.
SPEAKER_1: I think we gotta make a new material in order to really prove that we're the best.
SPEAKER_1: We gotta make something that's better than wool or cotton or whatever.
SPEAKER_1: I think we need to make Wool 2, the sequel to Wool.
SPEAKER_2: Alright, where are we getting Wool 2?
SPEAKER_1: Well, so first, you gotta find...
SPEAKER_2: Is it like a new technique of harvesting Wool?
SPEAKER_2: The shit.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_2: The shit.
SPEAKER_2: Is this a new animal or is it just...
SPEAKER_1: Is it like a Nessie that has fur?
SPEAKER_2: A furry Nessie.
SPEAKER_1: A furry Nessie is possibly, but here's my thinking of how we create the shit.
SPEAKER_1: So in Minecraft, when a pig gets struck by lightning, they turn into a zombie pigman.
SPEAKER_1: I think the same principle would apply to sheep, and if a sheep gets struck by lightning, they're gonna turn into a sheep.
SPEAKER_1: And that sheep is going to produce an even better, only slightly cursed wool.
SPEAKER_2: Same curse, various curses.
SPEAKER_1: I think the curses are related.
SPEAKER_2: Can you sort of pick and choose your curse?
SPEAKER_2: Like, this one turns my skin green for a day.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, right?
SPEAKER_1: I don't think they're big deal curses, right?
SPEAKER_1: I think probably you don't harvest the wool of the sheep that has the like, you will die curse.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: That would be probably not very...
SPEAKER_1: Cozy.
SPEAKER_2: Well, I was gonna say profitable, but yeah, definitely that one.
SPEAKER_1: Definitely wouldn't be cozy.
SPEAKER_1: Maybe it's the one that's just like...
SPEAKER_2: Maybe it is the coziest though.
SPEAKER_2: Maybe it's like, it's the only comfort you can feel before death.
SPEAKER_1: Right.
SPEAKER_2: Right?
SPEAKER_2: Like the higher...
SPEAKER_2: It's the risk rewards with a factor.
SPEAKER_2: How comfy.
SPEAKER_2: Like it's so comfy.
SPEAKER_1: I think they would be selectively bred to give the best curse as possible.
SPEAKER_1: And I'm talking like, you know when you get...
SPEAKER_2: This is a terrifying thought.
SPEAKER_2: I'm just thinking about like, you know, a Tesla machine, a giant Tesla coil, but like, you just electrify sheep?
SPEAKER_2: And this is selective breeding.
SPEAKER_1: But I think like, you know how in a video game, sometimes you'll get like a curse artifact, but it'll actually benefit you because of the build that you have, like in dead cells or something?
SPEAKER_1: Probably there's some curses like that.
SPEAKER_1: Like there might be a curse that's like, every time you get sick, you'll be sick for three days.
SPEAKER_1: And I'm like, damn, that's less than I'm usually sick.
SPEAKER_1: Great, that's a benefit, actually.
SPEAKER_1: So you've got to get the best curses.
SPEAKER_1: So we're getting this cursed super, again, it is so soft and so warm.
SPEAKER_1: And then it's got to be knit very tightly by expert, expert knitters.
SPEAKER_2: So spiders.
SPEAKER_1: We don't, this is the second time in recent memory, you have gone to spiders when it comes to creating a piece of clothing.
SPEAKER_2: They're just the best knitters.
SPEAKER_1: That's not what knitting is.
SPEAKER_2: Have you ever thought about how a spider feels about its knitting ability?
SPEAKER_1: It's not.
SPEAKER_1: When has, when have you seen a spider knit?
SPEAKER_1: Name one time.
SPEAKER_2: Undertale.
SPEAKER_1: I forgot that Undertale is a documentary.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so we're gonna get, what's her name?
SPEAKER_1: Oh, Muffin.
SPEAKER_2: Muffin.
SPEAKER_1: Muffet.
SPEAKER_2: Muffin.
SPEAKER_2: I don't mean to muffin you.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, I'm laughing at how much you're laughing at your own stupid joke.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so Muffet, the Muffin, Muffet Muffin, the spider from Undertale is knitting this sweater out of the curse wool.
SPEAKER_1: What's the curse on the sweater?
SPEAKER_1: Remember, it doesn't have to be a bad curse.
SPEAKER_2: You have to brush your teeth every hour.
SPEAKER_1: That's pretty bad.
SPEAKER_2: It's pretty great because your breath is always going to be good.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, fair.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you didn't think about that, did you?
SPEAKER_1: What happens if you don't brush your teeth every hour?
SPEAKER_1: Do you just feel like an overwhelming need to do it?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I feel like those diseases that will be like, oh, I overwhelmingly want to go swimming because there's this disease that makes me reproduces in water, that kind of thing.
SPEAKER_2: It's like you feel like you got to take your toothbrush with you.
SPEAKER_2: And I realize as I'm saying this, that's just a very normal compulsion that people have.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, but it's like, you know, but you get to where it comes.
SPEAKER_2: It's only every hour, which might be less than some people need to.
SPEAKER_1: There you go.
SPEAKER_2: And it's just like the sick thing.
SPEAKER_2: It's exactly the same.
SPEAKER_1: Pretty much exactly the same.
SPEAKER_2: Pretty much the same thing.
SPEAKER_1: So you got that.
SPEAKER_1: So we know who's being knit by.
SPEAKER_1: How big are we talking?
SPEAKER_2: A custom fit, obviously.
SPEAKER_2: The best sweater is a custom fit.
SPEAKER_2: It's gotta be like snug, but also like it's a whisper.
SPEAKER_2: Snug like a whisper.
SPEAKER_1: Right.
SPEAKER_1: I guess what my question is, is how thick is this sweater?
SPEAKER_1: How many layers?
SPEAKER_2: How many layers is this one layer?
SPEAKER_2: At least three.
SPEAKER_2: Like you don't need those three layers.
SPEAKER_2: You just throw on this sweater and you're good.
SPEAKER_1: It's big.
SPEAKER_1: It's just gonna swallow you up.
SPEAKER_2: And you can get it go down to your knees, or to your ankles if you want.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I have a really cute sweater dress that I really like.
SPEAKER_1: And sweater dresses are truly underappreciated.
SPEAKER_1: And this is now a sweater dress.
SPEAKER_1: Goes down to your ankles, of course.
SPEAKER_1: That's what you want.
SPEAKER_2: It is my big cocoon.
SPEAKER_1: Your big cocoon, where you nessie yourself.
SPEAKER_1: Now, what's it look like?
SPEAKER_1: What color?
SPEAKER_2: Right, what colors?
SPEAKER_2: What's the pattern?
SPEAKER_2: Now, my favorite thing about Meandis.
SPEAKER_1: We're not sponsored by Meandis.
SPEAKER_2: Is that they have so many patterns.
SPEAKER_1: We're not sponsored by them.
SPEAKER_1: Don't give them advertising.
SPEAKER_2: And the best part about Meandis.
SPEAKER_1: Make them pay us.
SPEAKER_1: Don't advertise for them.
SPEAKER_1: Make them pay us.
SPEAKER_2: Is that right now I'm wearing like spider web pattern Meandis?
SPEAKER_1: You don't need to talk about your underwear unless they're paying us.
SPEAKER_2: So I do want a spider web patterned like.
SPEAKER_1: What if it's Spider Man pattern?
SPEAKER_2: No, that's worse.
SPEAKER_1: Okay.
SPEAKER_2: Unless it's Spider Gwen.
SPEAKER_1: Spider Gwen, it's Spider Gwen.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, it has the hood.
SPEAKER_2: It has the Spider Gwen hood.
SPEAKER_1: It has the Spider Gwen hood.
SPEAKER_2: It has the Spider Gwen hoodie, but big and soft.
SPEAKER_1: And a sweater.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: And.
SPEAKER_2: Spider Gwen hood-er.
SPEAKER_1: Maybe it has Muffets on it.
SPEAKER_2: Sweaty?
SPEAKER_1: If Muffet's making it.
SPEAKER_2: It's a sweater.
SPEAKER_1: It's a sweaty.
SPEAKER_1: It's a sweater, it's a sweaty.
SPEAKER_2: It's a sweaty, but with a D, sweaty.
SPEAKER_1: It's a sweaty.
SPEAKER_2: Where's your Spider Gwen sweaty, sweetie?
SPEAKER_1: I think maybe if Muffet's making it, then it'll have really good spider web patterns.
SPEAKER_1: She's a spider.
SPEAKER_1: She knows what spider webs look like.
SPEAKER_2: She knows what she's doing.
SPEAKER_2: This is why I originally wanted the spider web pattern.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, what if it's got Muffet's on it too?
SPEAKER_2: Oh, that's cute.
SPEAKER_1: She's knits herself into the sweater.
SPEAKER_2: Even if you don't ask for it, there is always one Muffet.
SPEAKER_1: There's one Muffet, and you gotta find it.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you gotta find it.
SPEAKER_1: It's gonna take you a bit.
SPEAKER_1: But it's there.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, it's there.
SPEAKER_2: And it will find you.
SPEAKER_2: When you least expect it.
SPEAKER_1: And will make you play her fight from Undertale.
SPEAKER_1: Oh.
SPEAKER_1: In real life.
SPEAKER_2: Terrifying.
SPEAKER_1: You know, it's the sacrifices you gotta make for a big cause.
SPEAKER_1: What color is it like?
SPEAKER_2: Purple.
SPEAKER_1: Purple?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, gotta be purple.
SPEAKER_1: Gotta be purple.
SPEAKER_1: Are the spiderwebs purple, or is the sweater itself purple?
SPEAKER_2: I do like a silver spiderweb on purple sort of look.
SPEAKER_1: Love that.
SPEAKER_2: Unless it's spiderweb, then obviously it's spiderweb color.
SPEAKER_1: Of course, of course.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: I like this, I like this.
SPEAKER_1: We can have a whole line of them.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, only $9.99 plus shipping, which is $30.
SPEAKER_1: If you wanna choose your curse, it's a little bit of an extra fee.
SPEAKER_2: Yep, it's double the price.
SPEAKER_1: It's double the price, but you get to choose what curse you end up with.
SPEAKER_2: It helps a lot, trust me.
SPEAKER_2: You're gonna want that toothbrush and curse.
SPEAKER_1: Listen, you're gonna wanna choose what curse it is.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Anyway, does that feel like it solved your craving?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I got my sweater.
SPEAKER_1: Great, so there has been a very good show out there.
SPEAKER_1: There's at least one.
SPEAKER_1: There's at least one good show on TV.
SPEAKER_1: And by on TV, I mean on Netflix.
SPEAKER_1: It's called She-Ra and the Princesses of Power.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that's a good show.
SPEAKER_1: It's a good show.
SPEAKER_1: Season four is on the way.
SPEAKER_1: If depending on when this is released, it might already be out.
SPEAKER_1: But here's the thing about She-Ra that's so great.
SPEAKER_1: It's very gay.
SPEAKER_2: And is it really that gay?
SPEAKER_1: It's made by gays.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it's true.
SPEAKER_1: They're queer characters.
SPEAKER_1: There's a lot of gay.
SPEAKER_2: Is there a lot of gay?
SPEAKER_2: Listen.
SPEAKER_2: Or is there like four gay characters?
SPEAKER_1: I don't know how every character in that show isn't, like every character in that show is kind of readable as gay.
SPEAKER_2: This is the queer baiting versus actually queer thing.
SPEAKER_1: Is it queer baiting if it's made by queer people?
SPEAKER_2: It can be.
SPEAKER_1: The point is-
SPEAKER_2: The point is it's really good.
SPEAKER_1: The point is it's really good, and it has some really good characters who are gay.
SPEAKER_1: And one of the things that it does that's really fun is it follows the villains in, at least some of the time, in this classic kind of avatar type storyline where it's like, oh yes, you get to see what Zuko, or in She-Ra's case, Catra and her crew are up to.
SPEAKER_2: Who's your favorite She-Ra character?
SPEAKER_1: This is the thing is it's a very hard question.
SPEAKER_2: I got asked it on Instagram the other day, so now I have to ask you.
SPEAKER_1: I fucking love Catra.
SPEAKER_2: Me too, that's my answer.
SPEAKER_2: She sucks so much and I love her.
SPEAKER_1: But this is my craving is I really appreciate that She-Ra is willing to have some just great, badass women who sucks so fucking bad and are just evil and it's rad.
SPEAKER_1: And what I want is more queer lady villains.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, let's say explicitly Catra should be like explicitly a lesbian.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, absolutely.
SPEAKER_2: Like I really don't want them to give Catra a redemption arc at this point.
SPEAKER_1: No, me neither.
SPEAKER_2: She's gone, like she's, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: But also Scorpia, she needs a redemption.
SPEAKER_2: Like I would even argue she's had a redemption arc.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, Scorpia, I mean, Scorpia is also like crushing on Catra, which is a whole complicated thing.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I want the conclusion where Scorpia realizes how toxic Catra is.
SPEAKER_1: And can like get a better life, because it like goes against Catra for once.
SPEAKER_1: That'd be super, super good.
SPEAKER_2: That would be a lot.
SPEAKER_2: Anyway, I'm gonna cry at that episode, because it has to happen.
SPEAKER_1: It has to happen.
SPEAKER_1: I want good things for Scorpia, and I want Catra to continue being shitty, because season three had Catra, like basically in a new environment.
SPEAKER_1: I'm not gonna spoil, but Catra in a new environment where she didn't have to be evil.
SPEAKER_1: And she still chose-
SPEAKER_2: She still was evil.
SPEAKER_1: To like beat the shit out of people.
SPEAKER_1: And it was the best.
SPEAKER_1: That series of episodes is just awesome.
SPEAKER_2: I'm pretty sure I'm thinking of the same series of episodes that you are.
SPEAKER_2: And like that really solidified in my mind, like where I think they're taking Catra.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, and where I want them to be taking Catra.
SPEAKER_2: I was really worried in season two.
SPEAKER_2: Also wasn't a huge fan of season two.
SPEAKER_1: Fair.
SPEAKER_2: Felt a little disappointed after season one, but then they picked it up with season three and won me back.
SPEAKER_1: I'm super excited for season four too.
SPEAKER_1: They are introducing a new canon.
SPEAKER_2: A new canon non-binary character.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, you did.
SPEAKER_1: I want more media where there's gays who are good and gays who are just unabashedly evil.
SPEAKER_1: And so who's our new lesbian villain?
SPEAKER_2: God, Zelda?
SPEAKER_1: Oh, we're taking established characters.
SPEAKER_2: Sorry.
SPEAKER_2: Let me back up again.
SPEAKER_2: I guess this is my evil lesbian character, Hilda.
SPEAKER_2: That's also just a Zelda thing.
SPEAKER_1: Nope, not a Zelda thing.
SPEAKER_2: Different Hilda.
SPEAKER_2: Listen, names are all used up.
SPEAKER_2: I only have so many names to choose from.
SPEAKER_2: What did you think I was gonna pick?
SPEAKER_2: Like Hintree?
SPEAKER_2: This is my OC Hintree.
SPEAKER_2: She's an evil lesbian.
SPEAKER_2: Let's talk about her.
SPEAKER_1: No, let's talk about Zelda.
SPEAKER_1: Let's talk about evil Zelda.
SPEAKER_1: Sorry?
SPEAKER_1: Hilda.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, Hilda.
SPEAKER_1: No, but I am very interested in the idea of Zelda as the villain we've always needed.
SPEAKER_1: And she's always been a lesbian.
SPEAKER_1: We all know this.
SPEAKER_2: So imagine Zelda gets her hand on accidentally or whatever, whatever the motive, the Triforce of Power.
SPEAKER_1: Yes!
SPEAKER_1: Yes, because that's always the thing, right?
SPEAKER_1: Is everyone is like, okay, they're the same ones.
SPEAKER_1: I want the one where, okay, let's fully mix this shit up.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so you've heard of like Bowsette.
SPEAKER_2: What about Ghandet?
SPEAKER_1: No?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you can.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know that I want to go down that route because it feels like just a gender swap at this point.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I mean, that was the joke.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: No, no, it's Zelda.
SPEAKER_1: It's Zelda.
SPEAKER_1: I'm talking Zelda with the Triforce of Power.
SPEAKER_1: I'm talking Link with the Triforce of Wisdom.
SPEAKER_1: I'm talking Ganondorf with the Triforce of Courage.
SPEAKER_2: Evil Zelda with two Triforces, and that's the hardest thing.
SPEAKER_2: This is why she's so cool.
SPEAKER_1: Ooh, she got power, she got wisdom.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, can you imagine that boss fight?
SPEAKER_1: Oh, that'd be so rad.
SPEAKER_2: Like she's switching back and forth between like, I don't know, mind manipulation with like wisdom.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, she's using magic and shit, and then she's just like swiping down with a sword, give Zelda a sword, 2019.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, she's gonna have it in the new Breath of the Wild 2, right?
SPEAKER_1: She's gonna.
SPEAKER_1: Still a playable character with a sword in Breath of the Wild 2, 2020.
SPEAKER_1: No, I wanna believe, I wanna believe, but I don't.
SPEAKER_1: I wanna believe, but I don't.
SPEAKER_2: It's gonna happen.
SPEAKER_1: It's not gonna happen.
SPEAKER_2: It's gonna happen.
SPEAKER_1: Zelda is Peach.
SPEAKER_2: Don't break my heart like this.
SPEAKER_1: Zelda is Peach.
SPEAKER_2: No.
SPEAKER_1: Zelda is Peach.
SPEAKER_2: They gave Super Princess Peach a game.
SPEAKER_1: True.
SPEAKER_2: It happened.
SPEAKER_1: But like, they also already had Tetra, and that's as far as I think they're gonna go.
SPEAKER_1: I don't even remember Tetra.
SPEAKER_1: Wind Waker.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I never played past the first two temples of that.
SPEAKER_2: Fair.
SPEAKER_1: So, okay, we got Zelda as just this villainous, like has the Triforce of Power, has the Triforce of Wisdom, is like, I'm going to take control.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, and I think she knows that Link still trusts her or like wants to save her, right?
SPEAKER_2: And this is the whole Catra thing of like, oh, like I know how you feel.
SPEAKER_2: Like I understand how you feel.
SPEAKER_2: I'm just gonna be a shitty person about it.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, yeah, like, no, I understand.
SPEAKER_2: And so I really want these like points in the game where you do meet her again, and she's just there, she's chilling.
SPEAKER_2: Like you could like start the boss battle then, but like you don't have to, right?
SPEAKER_2: And it will make you think like you shouldn't.
SPEAKER_1: And then she goes out and like wreaks havoc because you made a choice.
SPEAKER_1: And we're going dark with this Zelda.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, we're going dark.
SPEAKER_2: You mean like Breath of Wild 2, where Zelda's playable character with a sword?
SPEAKER_1: Oh, I want to believe you.
SPEAKER_1: But I don't.
SPEAKER_2: It's going to be such a dark game, they gotta.
SPEAKER_1: I guess.
SPEAKER_1: I suppose.
SPEAKER_1: Well, no, they don't have to.
SPEAKER_1: They don't have to.
SPEAKER_1: Nintendo doesn't have to do anything.
SPEAKER_1: But what we have to do is decide, okay, so in this case, where's Ganondorf?
SPEAKER_1: Because like we could do the Breath of Wild thing, there's no Ganondorf, it's just Ganon, but it's much more interesting if Ganondorf like...
SPEAKER_2: So, what if Ganon is like a pig or a person powered up by some...
SPEAKER_2: I never actually finished Skyward Sword, so I don't know like the legend.
SPEAKER_2: But isn't there like a Ganon without the Triforce?
SPEAKER_1: Is there?
SPEAKER_2: I thought there was.
SPEAKER_2: What if Ganon like is like actually helpful?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I like the idea of a Ganon who is just like...
SPEAKER_1: Useless, but helpful.
SPEAKER_1: He's just like an old man.
SPEAKER_1: Like, yeah, who like you come across at one point and he's like, it's been a long time.
SPEAKER_2: He's the one who gives you the sword and says you're gonna need this.
SPEAKER_2: Take this guy.
SPEAKER_2: And it's the Ganon sword.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, that's rad because Zelda stole your sword.
SPEAKER_2: But you have to like the Master Sword.
SPEAKER_1: Right.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, but that's also good because it's like, I think you have to convince him first because he's like, I'm not getting involved anymore.
SPEAKER_1: You know, like I was defeated once by by this by this woman and...
SPEAKER_2: And by this power.
SPEAKER_2: By this power.
SPEAKER_1: Exactly.
SPEAKER_1: I was defeated once.
SPEAKER_1: Like I can't do this again.
SPEAKER_1: And so you have to convince him to like, A, help you and B, like go up against Zelda again.
SPEAKER_1: I don't want Zelda to lose is the thing that we've constructed.
SPEAKER_1: I want Zelda to win.
SPEAKER_2: Listen, I understand.
SPEAKER_2: I also want Zelda to win.
SPEAKER_2: But do you want Catra to win?
SPEAKER_2: Yes, too.
SPEAKER_2: But also she can't.
SPEAKER_1: No, I don't want Catra to win because the horde is bad.
SPEAKER_1: I also want Catra.
SPEAKER_2: I want to see Catra succeed, but also fuck Catra.
SPEAKER_1: This is why the Crimson Crusaders.
SPEAKER_1: This is why the season three stuff was so good, because Catra wasn't really doing horde shit, but she was succeeding and I was like, great, this is exactly what I want.
SPEAKER_1: And so I want Zelda to be a badass, but like we have to build up what is Zelda doing that's bad?
SPEAKER_1: What is she actually doing that is like as bad as what the horde does?
SPEAKER_2: So we've never actually had a Zelda game with political intrigue, like even like there's a fall of a kingdom at the beginning and like canon takes over.
SPEAKER_2: That's usually the thing.
SPEAKER_2: But what if Zelda remains in power and so like uses, you know, fake news and like the populace in order to like turn people's opinions against link.
SPEAKER_2: So like, you can't just wander into a town because there are wanted posters.
SPEAKER_1: That's rad.
SPEAKER_1: Link is wanted.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, I like the I like this idea.
SPEAKER_1: I think it's also probably like Breath of the Wild already kind of starts to imply that like, hey, actually, the kingdom of Hyrule isn't that great.
SPEAKER_1: Like the fact that like, they kind of it kind of is like, in inherently connected to the evil of Ganon.
SPEAKER_1: Right?
SPEAKER_1: Like, that's the whole thing that Breath of the Wild starts to get at is like, these two things are always going to exist in tandem.
SPEAKER_1: And so I wonder if it's like, Zelda being like, recognizing and knowing that this power and this evil is connected to and she's not as corrupted as we think she is, but she is like, a monarch, right?
SPEAKER_1: She can't give up her power exactly.
SPEAKER_1: She's like, I understand that as long as the kingdom of Hyrule continues to exist and continues to spread, like, evil will continue to exist and spread, and demons and all of these creatures will keep existing, and I still want to continue to push forward because this is my kingdom and I'm gonna do right by it because I have the power and the wisdom to know what is right.
SPEAKER_1: And see, the problem is she lacks the courage to give up what she has.
SPEAKER_2: I love this storyline.
SPEAKER_1: I think we just made a better Legend of Zelda game than Nintendo could make.
SPEAKER_2: So, what's the joke?
SPEAKER_1: The joke is, well, there's lots of jokes in the storyline because Zelda is a funny game.
SPEAKER_1: There's funny jokes.
SPEAKER_1: People are horny for Link in Breath of the Wild, haha, funny.
SPEAKER_1: A lot of times, the people are horny for Link in Breath of the Wild.
SPEAKER_2: Like, almost every character, right?
SPEAKER_1: Like, this happens often.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, there's legit, like, a canon, like, relationship that isn't Zelda.
SPEAKER_1: No, yeah, that's the weird thing.
SPEAKER_1: And people...
SPEAKER_2: But then also, like, Ravioli the Bird is, like, also kind of...
SPEAKER_2: Ravalli.
SPEAKER_2: That's what I said.
SPEAKER_2: Ravioli the Bird is really horny.
SPEAKER_2: He ought to get his pasta all over Link.
SPEAKER_1: The Bird people are, like, kind of generally a little bit horny.
SPEAKER_1: In their design?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, they are avians, you know.
SPEAKER_2: Gotta get some fuck.
SPEAKER_1: Gotta get some fuck.
SPEAKER_1: Welcome to Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_1: Gotta get some fuck.
SPEAKER_1: I think, you know what, maybe we need to sleep more.
SPEAKER_2: How long?
SPEAKER_1: Uh, I don't know, maybe, like, at least two weeks.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_1: Let's give it two weeks, maybe ten years, who knows?
SPEAKER_1: They're basically the same thing.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, I feel like the last two weeks of my life went by like ten years.
SPEAKER_1: Ha ha ha ha ha, same.
SPEAKER_1: Same here.
SPEAKER_1: Jokes.
SPEAKER_1: Love to make comedics on this comedy podcast.
SPEAKER_1: Um, what's our fucking outro?
SPEAKER_1: Good lord, it's been two months.
SPEAKER_2: Thank you for listening to Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_1: Yes.
SPEAKER_2: Uh, if you want to send us your cravings, since we haven't been doing those for a while, I'm sure those cravings have been really loading up and you just want to let us help you release those cravings onto us.
SPEAKER_2: Uh, by sending them to submissions at saltcravings.com.
SPEAKER_2: You can email those there.
SPEAKER_1: Release them onto us.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, or you can message them to us on at saltcravings on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter.
SPEAKER_2: And go give us a review on iTunes or Stitcher or whatever that other one Brianna brought up two months ago was.
SPEAKER_1: Was it Castbox?
SPEAKER_1: Probably.
SPEAKER_1: Because that's the one I use.
SPEAKER_2: I think so.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, yeah, give us a review wherever, wherever you can.
SPEAKER_2: In your podcatcher.
SPEAKER_1: In your podcast app of choice.
SPEAKER_2: We got to go make the Zelda game, right?
SPEAKER_2: It's open source, right?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Zorlda and the political intrigue.
SPEAKER_1: Zorlda, the legend of Zorlda.