SPEAKER_2: Wake up, wake up.
SPEAKER_3: What?
SPEAKER_1: It's been two weeks again.
SPEAKER_3: Again?
SPEAKER_1: Merry Christmas.
SPEAKER_2: What?
SPEAKER_3: What?
SPEAKER_3: What do you mean, Merry Christmas?
SPEAKER_1: Well, it's after Halloween, so it's Christmas now.
SPEAKER_1: Oh.
SPEAKER_1: That's how it works, I'm pretty sure.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, happy Christmas.
SPEAKER_1: Happy Christmas.
SPEAKER_3: Merry New Year.
SPEAKER_1: Merry Nasmus.
SPEAKER_3: Nerman, Nerman.
SPEAKER_1: Happy Nerman's Day.
SPEAKER_3: Happy Nerman's Day.
SPEAKER_3: Wow, I can't believe it's already Christmas.
SPEAKER_3: You'd think that there was like a month in between Halloween time and Christmas time.
SPEAKER_1: So the wildest thing happened is actually all governments of the world agreed that November was serving no purpose, so therefore we just axed it.
SPEAKER_3: Honestly, this is great news.
SPEAKER_3: As I've said before, November is my least favorite month.
SPEAKER_3: And I'm quite frankly glad that it's gone.
SPEAKER_1: Well, we have like 11 months of the year now.
SPEAKER_1: What are you gonna do with your like void month?
SPEAKER_1: That's left over.
SPEAKER_3: I think in the void month, I might just phase out of existence for a bit.
SPEAKER_1: Okay.
SPEAKER_3: You know, I love existing in the world, but also I hate existing in the world.
SPEAKER_3: So like, what if just for a month of the year, I just wasn't here?
SPEAKER_1: Where would you be?
SPEAKER_3: I would be in the void.
SPEAKER_1: Okay.
SPEAKER_3: That's what the void month-
SPEAKER_1: You have like a void share?
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, yeah, basically-
SPEAKER_1: You like rent it with other people once a year?
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, and it's just sort of like you kind of become dispersed into the void.
SPEAKER_1: What's the view in the void share?
SPEAKER_3: Everyone else in the void share, as well as you, yourself, you can see into yourself.
SPEAKER_3: Because you are fully dispersed into the void.
SPEAKER_3: It is the void itself, which if you stare into the void, the void will stare back, which is why you are a part of the void, and also everyone else is a part of the void, and you're all connected together.
SPEAKER_1: This is why I couldn't get into the void share?
SPEAKER_1: Like, besides the like exorbitant rent, it's just like, I can't make eye contact.
SPEAKER_1: So when I look into the void and the void looks back, I just look away.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, and that's not what you want to do with the void, because if you do that, then the void wins, and the void takes you for its own.
SPEAKER_1: And you'll never hear the end of it.
SPEAKER_1: The void will taunt you forever.
SPEAKER_3: The void will taunt you forever.
SPEAKER_1: Like, remember that one time, like three years ago, you looked away and I won?
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, and you can never get away from it, because it's the void.
SPEAKER_3: And it's always staring back at you.
SPEAKER_1: Welcome to Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_1: This is a comedy podcast where we solve cravings.
SPEAKER_1: My name is Clair.
SPEAKER_3: And my name is Brianna.
SPEAKER_3: It is the month formerly known as November.
SPEAKER_3: We're surviving it, loving it.
SPEAKER_3: Not sure that that second one is true.
SPEAKER_1: Frying it up, serving it hot.
SPEAKER_3: Serving it hot.
SPEAKER_3: How are you feeling in this November month?
SPEAKER_3: Sorry, formerly November.
SPEAKER_1: Formerly November, form number.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, yeah, form number.
SPEAKER_1: I'm doing great, I'm living, I'm alive.
SPEAKER_3: You're alive, you love to hear it.
SPEAKER_1: You love to hear it.
SPEAKER_1: I can hear things still, so that's good.
SPEAKER_3: That's a pro, I think, generally, though, you know, sometimes you just don't hear things, and that's the way that people are.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, we have like no Shave November, no Eating November.
SPEAKER_3: No Nut November.
SPEAKER_1: No Nut November, no Climbing Up Ladders November, but now we really need No No November, where we...
SPEAKER_3: No, no, November.
SPEAKER_1: Or as I like to say, Yes-Vember.
SPEAKER_1: Yes-Vember.
SPEAKER_1: Too much negativity in this month.
SPEAKER_3: Positivity November.
SPEAKER_3: Yes-Vember.
SPEAKER_3: Let's frame it positively, optimistically, with positive energy.
SPEAKER_1: But you can also see it as like a No November, where you take a No-No.
SPEAKER_3: You sure could see it that way.
SPEAKER_1: Could see it that way.
SPEAKER_1: It's really a month up to interpretation.
SPEAKER_3: It's an interpretive November.
SPEAKER_1: Do you want to give me a craving?
SPEAKER_3: I would love to.
SPEAKER_1: I'd love to interpret in this November your craving.
SPEAKER_3: Sure.
SPEAKER_3: Well, let me tell you about my first craving, which is a functional public transit system.
SPEAKER_1: Like one that lets its employees pee?
SPEAKER_3: Yes, this is exactly it.
SPEAKER_3: Currently, there is the beginnings of a strike happening here in Vancouver, where transit operators, like bus drivers and such, are not wearing the uniform, aren't working overtime, aren't working overtime, are taking bathroom breaks, are taking bathroom breaks, are doing stuff like that because the group that runs the transit system, Coast Mountain, has refused to allow them things like bathroom breaks and fair benefit.
SPEAKER_3: And that fucking sucks.
SPEAKER_3: And here's the thing.
SPEAKER_3: Vancouver apparently, from what I've heard, has one of the better transit systems out there, and it is still a transit system in which it doesn't let its drivers pee, which is pretty bad.
SPEAKER_3: And when you think about it, there's a lot of things about the transit system that are bad.
SPEAKER_3: I used to live out in the suburbia lands, and trust me, transit out there is pretty bad.
SPEAKER_1: I remember when I grew up in Mission and we had one bus.
SPEAKER_3: Yes.
SPEAKER_1: And since then, apparently, Mission has gotten more buses, but I do remember that one bus, it was like, if you missed it, that was it for like two hours or something.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, right?
SPEAKER_3: It's a real shame, which is why we're going to fix it.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, great.
SPEAKER_3: We're going to design the solution, the perfect public transit system that actually respects its workers and is perfect for everyone.
SPEAKER_3: So, Clair.
SPEAKER_1: This is an easy feat.
SPEAKER_3: This is really easy.
SPEAKER_3: Remember, it has to be accessible.
SPEAKER_3: Remember, it has to consider all of the routes and the changing and growing city.
SPEAKER_3: It has to be constantly on the move, thinking about like what's coming next.
SPEAKER_1: I think I do know the answer to our problem.
SPEAKER_3: Okay, cool.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_3: Just like fix the whole thing for me.
SPEAKER_1: So, you know the acronym CCT?
SPEAKER_3: Yes, closed circuit television.
SPEAKER_1: No, no, no, no, that's not the right acronym.
SPEAKER_1: What I mean is clown car technology.
SPEAKER_1: So, the perfect thing about clown car technology is that you can fit so many people in such a small space.
SPEAKER_3: Uh-huh, I like this.
SPEAKER_4: I like this so far.
SPEAKER_1: You don't need a bus anymore.
SPEAKER_1: You can have a bus, but it looks like a car because there's so many people that get into it.
SPEAKER_3: It's sort of a TARDIS style thing.
SPEAKER_1: I, no, no, no, I cannot stress this enough.
SPEAKER_1: TARDISes are not real.
SPEAKER_1: Clown cars are real.
SPEAKER_1: Clowns are real, Brianna.
SPEAKER_1: I cannot stress this enough.
SPEAKER_3: Wait, wait, wait, wait, back up.
SPEAKER_3: Clowns are what?
SPEAKER_1: I know that the movie It created clowns, but it didn't.
SPEAKER_1: I know that this is a very popular belief that the first clown ever made was in the movie It.
SPEAKER_3: No, but they aren't real.
SPEAKER_1: They are real, unfortunately.
SPEAKER_1: And they do all live in the sewers.
SPEAKER_3: Then we should stop them.
SPEAKER_4: I mean, yeah, just stealing children away.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, that's a myth.
SPEAKER_1: They're vegetarians.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, well then, yeah, we should let them drive cars.
SPEAKER_3: We should let them drive cars and do that in terms of public transit system.
SPEAKER_1: So I think the perfect thing about the clown car technology is that it is fully accessible, because as you sort of, there is no maximum width of anything that can go in there.
SPEAKER_1: Are you carrying a piano?
SPEAKER_1: That's fine.
SPEAKER_1: It'll fit into the side of a clown car.
SPEAKER_1: You can fit anything into a clown car, if you believe.
SPEAKER_1: And that's the power of clown car technology, or CCT.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, I think that makes perfect sense.
SPEAKER_3: And I love this.
SPEAKER_3: It's a really good technological innovation.
SPEAKER_3: I have another technological innovation to add to that.
SPEAKER_3: Because I think, so you have all these clown cars, and they look, again, and I assume they look like, do they look like cars or like clown cars?
SPEAKER_1: Well, small cars, clown cars.
SPEAKER_1: There is a nose on the front, like the reindeer bus, but it is a car.
SPEAKER_3: And is it connected to the power lines the same way as like a lot of buses in Maccouver are connected to like those lines off the road?
SPEAKER_1: Only on the inside.
SPEAKER_3: Right, only on the inside.
SPEAKER_1: Yes.
SPEAKER_3: Can you explain?
SPEAKER_1: Like, you know, inside the car?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's connected in there.
SPEAKER_3: Are there cables or?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, in the inside of the car.
SPEAKER_3: Great, then those cables can carry the signal of the second part of this, which is we're replacing all of the, like, people who run TransLink, Gulf Coast Mountain Bus Company, we're replacing it with an AI.
SPEAKER_3: Our transit system is run by an AI now.
SPEAKER_3: A super advanced AI.
SPEAKER_1: I was gonna avoid AI.
SPEAKER_3: No, I think we're going, no, we're going full AI.
SPEAKER_3: We are, you know, like we're gonna fairly compensate people, of course, and the AI is gonna fairly compensate people, because an AI made by a corporation has never gone wrong, even once ever.
SPEAKER_3: So.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, this isn't one of the problems that TransLink is facing now.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Is there technology telling them to be on time or anything?
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_3: No, the AI is fully, is a benevolent understanding AI that fully understands human needs.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, as we all know, you can't spell train without AI.
SPEAKER_3: It's true.
SPEAKER_3: You can't spell train without AI, and it creates bus routes by seeing the future because AIs can do that.
SPEAKER_3: And so it sees what the future is gonna look like for the day and then plans out the bus routes.
SPEAKER_1: Perfect.
SPEAKER_1: In what aspect?
SPEAKER_1: Like it sees when people are gonna need a ride?
SPEAKER_3: Yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_3: It knows that.
SPEAKER_1: So it just like knows where you are.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, it's like, you know, like in something like person of interest for this machine.
SPEAKER_1: Are we just talking about Google?
SPEAKER_3: I mean, Google might be the best choice to reduce this AI.
SPEAKER_3: They have all the data on all of us.
SPEAKER_1: They do.
SPEAKER_3: So maybe Google should produce this AI.
SPEAKER_1: Ah, I mean, they do have self-driving cars.
SPEAKER_3: I mean, true.
SPEAKER_3: I mean, we could make it so-
SPEAKER_1: Why not self-driving clown cars?
SPEAKER_3: Self-driving clown cars.
SPEAKER_3: And, but we do still need to, you know, the bus operators, we just do still need to offer them fair, you know, compensation.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, if we're getting rid of TransLink, why don't we just get rid of the bus operators with AI?
SPEAKER_1: As you've said, AI has never gone wrong.
SPEAKER_3: That's a good point.
SPEAKER_1: If we just replace the jobs.
SPEAKER_3: If we replace the jobs, then-
SPEAKER_1: Then they have more time to strike.
SPEAKER_3: Then they have more-
SPEAKER_3: This is a great idea.
SPEAKER_3: We should just replace, what if we replace the passengers with AI?
SPEAKER_1: You're right.
SPEAKER_1: This is a pure AI only transit system.
SPEAKER_3: That's what I'm thinking, right?
SPEAKER_1: How do the AI get from place to place, really?
SPEAKER_1: This hasn't been a thing that has been thought about yet.
SPEAKER_3: People don't think about the fact that AI need to get places.
SPEAKER_1: If I'm an AI, why would I trust a human bus driver?
SPEAKER_3: Exactly.
SPEAKER_3: And if I'm an AI bus driver, why would I trust a human passenger?
SPEAKER_3: You know?
SPEAKER_1: I mean, fair enough.
SPEAKER_1: They have like lungs and shit.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, you can't trust that.
SPEAKER_1: They'll breathe on you or something.
SPEAKER_3: It's just fucking organics.
SPEAKER_2: Oh.
SPEAKER_3: So it's AI clown cars.
SPEAKER_1: Made by...
SPEAKER_3: And everyone else will walk.
SPEAKER_1: And Brianna, I know, your favorite thing is walking.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, my favorite thing in the world is walking.
SPEAKER_1: I think this is a great solution, really.
SPEAKER_1: As we all know, walking, the thing that, I mean, what was transit made for if not for walking?
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, I think that the pretty obvious solution to giving bus drivers what they deserve in terms of just like basic humanity and basic benefits and stuff is just to completely abolish all notion of human transit and just make it all for AI, and everyone else has to walk now.
SPEAKER_1: Well, you know what the puss in boots is always known for saying?
SPEAKER_1: This bus was made for walking.
SPEAKER_3: Also, the bus have feet.
SPEAKER_4: So they're just like caterpillars?
SPEAKER_3: The clown cars have feet, yes.
SPEAKER_3: And they, funnily enough, look like human feet.
SPEAKER_1: It's like a tank.
SPEAKER_1: You know the wheels on a tank that's just sort of like go wide, but they're just like feet.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_3: It's like how, and they go so fast, so they look like the tank threads like Sonic does.
SPEAKER_1: The clown car, the CCT is in blue, Sonic blue.
SPEAKER_3: Sonic blue.
SPEAKER_1: So it can go fast.
SPEAKER_3: It's gotta go fast.
SPEAKER_1: That's their slogan.
SPEAKER_3: Also, there are no cars left.
SPEAKER_3: It's just these.
SPEAKER_3: That's why everyone has to walk.
SPEAKER_1: That's why everyone has to walk, is there's no cars.
SPEAKER_1: It's all for AI.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, it's all public.
SPEAKER_1: Roadways are just going to be electrocuted now, so if you're not an AI, you will immediately get zapped if you try to step on there.
SPEAKER_3: That's interesting, because the thing that I was thinking is, you could try and get on a bus for AI, but they're all going to snap their head towards you and stare at you.
SPEAKER_1: I don't think that would stop a lot of people.
SPEAKER_3: And then they start to threaten you, and it slowly goes up in intensity.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, this is the AI future that we want.
SPEAKER_1: This is fun.
SPEAKER_3: This is fun.
SPEAKER_3: I'm having fun.
SPEAKER_3: What a good idea.
SPEAKER_3: Does that feel like it makes a functional public transit system?
SPEAKER_1: I mean, it seems more functional than what we have now.
SPEAKER_3: For real though, support the strike that is going on, if you can.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: It's just real.
SPEAKER_1: Do it.
SPEAKER_1: Support TransLink workers, not TransLink.
SPEAKER_3: True, true, true.
SPEAKER_1: Do you have a craving?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: No, I actually left mine at home.
SPEAKER_1: Sorry.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, damn it.
SPEAKER_3: Well, I guess we got to stop the podcast.
SPEAKER_1: That's the end.
SPEAKER_3: Bye, everyone.
SPEAKER_3: Thank you for listening to Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_1: This has been Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_1: My name is Clair.
SPEAKER_3: My name is Brianna.
SPEAKER_3: We don't say our names.
SPEAKER_1: What's the outro?
SPEAKER_3: The outro, we usually say where, you know, they can find us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter.
SPEAKER_1: You can find us on the internet or under your bookcases.
SPEAKER_3: Under your bookcases.
SPEAKER_3: We'll be there.
SPEAKER_1: We'll be there.
SPEAKER_3: We'll also...
SPEAKER_1: In every one of your books.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: If you open the nearest book to you, it's now signed.
SPEAKER_1: It's invincible.
SPEAKER_1: Invisible, Inc.
SPEAKER_1: And invincible, Inc.
SPEAKER_3: It's invisible and invincible.
SPEAKER_3: Don't think you can erase it.
SPEAKER_3: You can't.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: We'll see it, but you can't erase it.
SPEAKER_1: I have this intense craving recently, where I really want to know everyone's allergies when I'm going to an event, so that I can make food that everybody can eat.
SPEAKER_1: And I have been thinking about what if there was an app where you had an event and everyone who was going...
SPEAKER_1: It's basically like, what if Facebook, but it's not Facebook, and it's like, oh, these people with these allergies.
SPEAKER_1: And then in the same app, it's like, oh, here's a list of recommended foods, or you can search for other foods based on who's going.
SPEAKER_1: Anyways, I really want to make this app because I want it to be real.
SPEAKER_1: But mostly it stems from wanting to know everybody's allergies and not having a bad enough memory where I forget them, and I have to be like, hey, you were allergic to nuts, right?
SPEAKER_1: Or was it yogurt?
SPEAKER_1: Or was it air?
SPEAKER_3: Or was it nut yogurt?
SPEAKER_1: Or was it nut yogurt air?
SPEAKER_1: You know when you nut yogurt into the air?
SPEAKER_3: And it pushed you backwards?
SPEAKER_3: This is a really good idea, because you can definitely try with Facebook events and events in general.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, usually you always have to make a post like, hey, what is everybody's allergies?
SPEAKER_3: And then of course nobody answers it, which is a problem, and which I do consider conceivable as possibly being a problem with this app.
SPEAKER_3: So here's the thing about this app is it sounds great, but everyone has to have it in order for you to know.
SPEAKER_1: Well, this is the thing.
SPEAKER_1: I was thinking you connect your contacts to it, and then you just enter their allergies into their contacts, and then if they don't have it, you just assign that they're going for something.
SPEAKER_1: So it works whether they have it or not.
SPEAKER_1: If they have it, it's easier, but if they don't, then it's a little harder.
SPEAKER_3: This is a cool organization app.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, event apps exist, but I don't think that they take full consideration on all these things.
SPEAKER_3: Also, accessibility needs in general, being able to enter those in.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, in general, that would be a good addition, but definitely the start of this idea was, I want a recipe app that I can just enter everybody's allergies in.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's the same app.
SPEAKER_1: I want part of it to be the event organization thing, but really the main purpose is it gives you recipes that you can make.
SPEAKER_3: Yes, yes, okay.
SPEAKER_3: Where does it get the recipes from?
SPEAKER_1: Databases.
SPEAKER_1: There's all recipes and other things.
SPEAKER_1: Or you can start your own, heck.
SPEAKER_1: But I mean, as an actual computer scientist, if I was making this, I would just query other databases for now.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, that makes sense to me.
SPEAKER_3: What do we solve?
SPEAKER_1: Well, I need to figure out how I'm going to make this app and what are the problems.
SPEAKER_1: How do I know everybody's allergies?
SPEAKER_1: How do I make sure that we're getting there?
SPEAKER_1: How do I make sure I'm making these foods correctly?
SPEAKER_3: Well, I think to really be sure, because there's always the chance someone doesn't know what they're allergic to.
SPEAKER_3: I think, and this also needs to account for, you know, vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free, all that sort of stuff.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, those are allergies and whatnot.
SPEAKER_1: I guess those are not allergies.
SPEAKER_1: I meant dietary needs in general.
SPEAKER_3: But for allergies specifically, you need to have a way for the app to perform allergy tests on people.
SPEAKER_1: Didn't we have something that sort of stuck needles out of it when you opened it on your phone?
SPEAKER_1: You could do like in-phone allergy testing.
SPEAKER_3: Is this real?
SPEAKER_1: I think we made it a few episodes ago, or ten.
SPEAKER_3: We probably did make something.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, no, you know what we made?
SPEAKER_1: We made the game controller that sticks you with needles.
SPEAKER_3: Right, that was what we did.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, we're so fucking smart.
SPEAKER_1: So let's use that, right?
SPEAKER_1: Now it can attach to your phone.
SPEAKER_3: We could use that, but also the way that I, when I got an allergy testing done in the past, the way that they did it for me was they had little droplets of stuff that one could be allergic to.
SPEAKER_3: Like the essence of the thing, I guess.
SPEAKER_3: I don't know, it was very confusing.
SPEAKER_1: Essence of vomit.
SPEAKER_3: But they put drops of it on my back and have it notated.
SPEAKER_3: Okay, this is this one, this is this one.
SPEAKER_3: And then they'd figure out what had like little flare ups, because my thing was always I would get like hives and stuff.
SPEAKER_3: And so I think that that makes it pretty clear that we just have to have the app dispense droplets of different things one could be allergic to.
SPEAKER_1: How do we get the droplets in the app?
SPEAKER_3: A phone attachment probably.
SPEAKER_1: I guess so.
SPEAKER_3: Like this is the Nintendo way of thinking, right?
SPEAKER_3: It's just like just add an extra thing.
SPEAKER_3: You know, there was for the Game Boy, a thing that allowed you to have blood sugar test for diabetes.
SPEAKER_1: I think I remember this.
SPEAKER_3: These accessories existed.
SPEAKER_3: So you just need an accessory that performs an allergy test.
SPEAKER_1: You know those things that you plug into your phone, like swipe or whatever, and you can use your credit card on the phone?
SPEAKER_1: It's like that, but it dispenses lily and strawberries and all sorts of little droplets, micro doses of things.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_3: And so it's just like testing.
SPEAKER_3: I don't know how this works for things you're allergic to in terms of eating, but maybe it just...
SPEAKER_1: It force feeds you.
SPEAKER_3: It force feeds you.
SPEAKER_1: That's how we know.
SPEAKER_3: That's how we know.
SPEAKER_3: Okay, well this makes you sick.
SPEAKER_1: So you remember sort of back when the trial of witches was like, if they float, they're a witch.
SPEAKER_3: Oh yeah, I remember the same.
SPEAKER_3: I was there.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_4: Of course I remember that.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, so you remember that.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, we were both there.
SPEAKER_1: We were both there.
SPEAKER_1: Time traveled.
SPEAKER_1: And that's how we were witches.
SPEAKER_3: No, we're just immortal.
SPEAKER_1: Ah, right.
SPEAKER_1: And now we have a podcast.
SPEAKER_1: So back...
SPEAKER_3: You remember from the first episode, right?
SPEAKER_1: So sort of the same thing, right?
SPEAKER_1: If you survive the allergy testing, you're good.
SPEAKER_4: Except it wasn't the opposite of the Salem Witchcraft trials.
SPEAKER_3: If you float, you're a witch.
SPEAKER_1: You're a witch.
SPEAKER_3: And therefore you're bad.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: But if you sink, then you die.
SPEAKER_1: You're human.
SPEAKER_3: And you die.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, but you're human.
SPEAKER_3: So it's the same with the allergy test?
SPEAKER_1: Well, yeah, because if you survive, then you have no allergies.
SPEAKER_1: You're good.
SPEAKER_1: You're done.
SPEAKER_1: You don't need us anymore.
SPEAKER_1: And if you die, then you have allergies.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, we should probably run these tests on everybody just to make sure.
SPEAKER_3: Okay.
SPEAKER_1: We need like a user base of this app.
SPEAKER_3: We are slowly in this episode, putting together a dystopic technological version of the future.
SPEAKER_1: Welcome to Salt Cravings, the dystopic future podcast where we create the most wild technologies.
SPEAKER_3: Welcome to Salt Cyberpunks.
SPEAKER_1: Salterpunk.
SPEAKER_3: Salterpunk, the dystopian future.
SPEAKER_3: You didn't know you needed.
SPEAKER_1: And nobody really did need, but we did it anyways.
SPEAKER_1: Salterpunk, there's no more salt, you only have pepper.
SPEAKER_3: Damn, that's a metaphor, you know.
SPEAKER_1: You see, you put the salt between your teeth, but you don't get it.
SPEAKER_3: But you don't get the thing to do with killing, unless you're allergic, in which case you will die.
SPEAKER_3: I don't know that there's that many.
SPEAKER_3: I mean, there are those deathly allergies, like nuts and stuff.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: But do we want to restrict this just to food?
SPEAKER_1: What if we make like a nut army?
SPEAKER_1: What?
SPEAKER_3: We'll get back to the nut army in a sec.
SPEAKER_3: But first, like, do we need to restrict this just to food?
SPEAKER_3: Can we also test if we're allergic to bees?
SPEAKER_1: No, no, no.
SPEAKER_1: Like, there's lilies and whatnot.
SPEAKER_1: Like, you'd be allergic to flowers.
SPEAKER_3: We have a bee that comes out and stings you.
SPEAKER_3: Just to check.
SPEAKER_1: His name is Fred.
SPEAKER_3: His name is Fred.
SPEAKER_1: He's a volunteer.
SPEAKER_1: We don't pay him.
SPEAKER_1: It's a dystopia, remember?
SPEAKER_3: And he does pass away, as bees do, after they sting someone.
SPEAKER_3: But the next one is named Fred, too.
SPEAKER_1: Fred goes into a different room.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, right.
SPEAKER_1: And then Fred comes out from a different door, looking lively as ever.
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_1: Fred.
SPEAKER_3: Fred, right, it's all Fred.
SPEAKER_1: It's Fred.
SPEAKER_1: It's your friend, Fred.
SPEAKER_1: And that's how they introduce themselves each time.
SPEAKER_3: Now, let's talk about the nut army.
SPEAKER_3: So, what's the purpose of the nut army?
SPEAKER_1: So, a nut army can more easily be distributed to everybody's houses to check whether you're actually allergic to nuts, because then we can simultaneously check who has a nut allergy and who doesn't.
SPEAKER_1: And the great thing about this dystopic future is if you do have a nut allergy and the nut comes into your home, you probably don't have a nut allergy anymore because now you're dead.
SPEAKER_3: My other thing here...
SPEAKER_1: This is how you cure allergies.
SPEAKER_1: Good.
SPEAKER_3: This sure is dystopian.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: This is like Edelgard's army from Three Houses.
SPEAKER_1: We're gonna bring a better world by getting rid of allergies.
SPEAKER_1: I mean allergies.
SPEAKER_3: That doesn't sound good.
SPEAKER_3: But I think while the nut army is there, they may as well just make sure you're not hiding any delicious material or anything.
SPEAKER_1: So they steal all your nut-based food?
SPEAKER_4: Wait, are we pro nut or anti nut?
SPEAKER_3: I can't tell anymore.
SPEAKER_1: Well, see, the nut army don't like you eating their nut children.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, I see.
SPEAKER_1: So we're very pro nut.
SPEAKER_1: We're pro nut to the point of you shouldn't consume the nut.
SPEAKER_3: We're nut fanatics.
SPEAKER_1: Don't nut.
SPEAKER_3: This is what they say.
SPEAKER_1: No nut November.
SPEAKER_3: This is yes nut November.
SPEAKER_3: This is only nut November.
SPEAKER_1: Only nut shall survive.
SPEAKER_3: How is this going to help our parties?
SPEAKER_1: Only nut parties.
SPEAKER_3: And that's who's in charge.
SPEAKER_3: The only nut party.
SPEAKER_1: The only nut party where the only foods are nut because there are no more nut allergies.
SPEAKER_1: And that's how you know nobody's allergic to your nut food based food.
SPEAKER_3: Great.
SPEAKER_3: I'm glad we created nut eugenics.
SPEAKER_1: Nutgenics?
SPEAKER_1: Eugen nuts.
SPEAKER_2: No, no, no.
SPEAKER_3: Great.
SPEAKER_3: Good.
SPEAKER_3: Super good.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, and AI only transit is good too.
SPEAKER_3: Don't worry, the AIs and the nuts get along.
SPEAKER_3: There's only two parties.
SPEAKER_3: The AI transit party and the only nut party.
SPEAKER_1: Hmm, this is a two-party system.
SPEAKER_3: This is a two-party system.
SPEAKER_3: If you don't like it, you can just throw your vote away.
SPEAKER_1: That would be so nutty.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, I'm glad that we've taken this to a really reasonable and logical extreme.
SPEAKER_1: I only ever do logical and nut-based extremes.
SPEAKER_1: You want to give me a credit?
SPEAKER_3: I do, but we've got kind of a theme going.
SPEAKER_3: And I don't know that I want to disrupt the theme.
SPEAKER_1: Sorry, you don't want to disrupt this theme?
SPEAKER_1: This theme is about disruption.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, this theme is...
SPEAKER_3: Hey, okay, Clair.
SPEAKER_3: I'm going to step just for a moment out of the bit.
SPEAKER_3: And just going to say that this theme is a little bit uncomfortable and not great.
SPEAKER_3: So do you mind if I just disrupt the theme?
SPEAKER_1: It's all about disruption.
SPEAKER_3: What is?
SPEAKER_1: The theme.
SPEAKER_3: Well, I'm going to disrupt the disruption theme.
SPEAKER_1: Well, maybe you're staying in the theme by disrupting the theme.
SPEAKER_3: But I'm not, I'm going to talk about something that's good.
SPEAKER_1: Okay.
SPEAKER_3: That, or at least that could be good.
SPEAKER_3: We're going to create something, hey, Clair, for once, we're going to create something that's good.
SPEAKER_1: Oh.
SPEAKER_3: Because the thing about Breath of the Wild is that it's a dress up game.
SPEAKER_1: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_3: So one of the, one of the fun like things that they added to Breath of the Wild that wasn't in previous Legend of Zelda games is you get to see Link in all of these different really cute outfits.
SPEAKER_4: He looks so cute in all of the outfits.
SPEAKER_4: All of the outfits?
SPEAKER_3: Well, a lot of the outfits.
SPEAKER_1: A lot of the outfits?
SPEAKER_1: Or are you just thinking of like three specific outfits?
SPEAKER_3: I'm thinking of, of, no, Link looks cute in a lot of outfits.
SPEAKER_3: Do you want, here's the top, okay, what are the top three outfits of Link in Breath of the Wild?
SPEAKER_3: Listen, we cannot, the Guerrero outfit, I knew it, that's it, that's it, you're done.
SPEAKER_3: But also so is the, what's the bird people called?
SPEAKER_1: I was gonna say Avans, but those are the bird people in my world.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, I was gonna say the Mistral, but that's the, the Mistral are in Friends at the Table.
SPEAKER_3: I can't remember what they're called, but the bird people outfit, the outfit that you get from the bird people, I made it pink in the game because you can dye your clothes.
SPEAKER_1: I didn't actually dye it anything.
SPEAKER_3: I dyed that one pink and it looks great.
SPEAKER_3: And also some of the other outfits, I really like the Sheikah outfit, like, like with his little ninja look going on.
SPEAKER_3: And the point is that there's a lot of very cute outfits in that game.
SPEAKER_3: And it made me think dress up games could be extremely good.
SPEAKER_1: You know what would make dress up games really good?
SPEAKER_3: Is if it had an adventure and a whole story and a whole thing going on that wasn't just the dress up portion.
SPEAKER_3: But that's, that's what you were to say, right?
SPEAKER_1: I was going to say Pokemon, but yeah.
SPEAKER_1: It's so weird how Pokemon actually is a dress up game too now.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, I mean, this is the thing is, I think the one thing that made me not well, okay, not the one thing.
SPEAKER_3: There were a lot of things that made child me not feel comfortable being interested in dress up games.
SPEAKER_3: And one of those was the whole trans thing.
SPEAKER_3: But the, but another thing was like, okay, you dress them up and then what?
SPEAKER_3: I like games where you can dress up your character and then send them out on an adventure.
SPEAKER_1: So one of the things that just got dropped for Fire Emblem Three Houses is now more outfits.
SPEAKER_1: Honestly, all their DLC are just outfits.
SPEAKER_3: Great, great.
SPEAKER_3: This is the thing, everyone loves to dress up a character.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, and so it is like maid and butler outfits, but also you can now like change when they're in battle, you can now have them be in the outfit that they would normally be.
SPEAKER_1: So now you can make them battle in like a butler outfit, which Ferdinand is immediately a butler in my game.
SPEAKER_3: I love that.
SPEAKER_1: Ferdinand starts out as kind of a dick.
SPEAKER_1: He doesn't grow, honestly, he's a good character, but he's a dick.
SPEAKER_3: Fire Emblem Three Houses seems like it has some good characters.
SPEAKER_1: There's a lot of good kids in that game.
SPEAKER_1: And also, they are all teenagers.
SPEAKER_1: And then there's Edelgard, who I love immensely, but she sucks.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Sort of like, you know how Catra sucks?
SPEAKER_1: Edelgard sucks too.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: That sounds about right, from what I've heard.
SPEAKER_3: What's a new game or an old game?
SPEAKER_1: Pokemon.
SPEAKER_3: Well, Sword and Shield is kind of giving us some dress up elements.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: I watched a video, it'll be out by the time this releases, and there will be so many outfits to pick.
SPEAKER_3: If we're going to go dress up game Pokemon.
SPEAKER_3: Like how?
SPEAKER_1: It doesn't have to be Pokemon, but...
SPEAKER_3: My question was, what game are we going to turn into a dress up game while also keeping the ability?
SPEAKER_3: Because I don't want it to just be you dress up the character.
SPEAKER_3: I want it to be you dress up the character and then you see the badass outfit that they have out in the world, out in the wild, and just wreck and shit.
SPEAKER_1: Okay.
SPEAKER_1: So I keep trying to think of a game, but my mind keeps coming back to Undertale because I just kind of want to see Undyne and Alfie in matching outfits.
SPEAKER_3: Holy shit.
SPEAKER_3: Okay.
SPEAKER_3: Let's talk.
SPEAKER_3: Oh shit.
SPEAKER_3: Let's talk about the possibilities.
SPEAKER_1: Brianna's fixing everything about her positioning as soon as I said Undertale.
SPEAKER_1: All right.
SPEAKER_3: Let's do it.
SPEAKER_3: I was literally talking with my roommate the other night until 2 a.m.
SPEAKER_3: at least partially about how much, how good Undertale is.
SPEAKER_3: But the thing about Undertale is, what if A, you could play as several of the characters of Undertale, and B, you could dress them up in cool outfits?
SPEAKER_1: That would be good.
SPEAKER_2: Great.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know what to say other than Alfie's and Undyne are like, should be in a couple's costume.
SPEAKER_3: They should, what's their couple's outfit look like?
SPEAKER_1: I think, what if they just swap outfits?
SPEAKER_1: But also, what if they go both as like, they dress up as Sans and Papyrus?
SPEAKER_3: It's a little weird, because the Sans and Papyrus are brothers?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: But fair, you know?
SPEAKER_3: Sure.
SPEAKER_1: They're all friends.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, I don't know that that makes it less weird.
SPEAKER_2: How would, how, I-
SPEAKER_1: Next year, I'm gonna dress up as Brianna.
SPEAKER_3: I think you're missing the point of why this is a little weird.
SPEAKER_3: Which is, Alphys and Undyne, a couple going as brothers.
SPEAKER_3: That's a little weird.
SPEAKER_1: Brothers fuck.
SPEAKER_3: No, no, they, no, they don't.
SPEAKER_1: How about Florida?
SPEAKER_3: That's a weird, specific poll.
SPEAKER_3: I didn't know there was a lot of brother fucking going on in Florida.
SPEAKER_3: And listen, I know there's a lot of brother fucking going on in Undertale, Fick, but we didn't need to go there.
SPEAKER_1: Well, there you go.
SPEAKER_3: We didn't need to go there, Clair.
SPEAKER_3: I just want to dress them all up in cool outfits.
SPEAKER_3: I think Toriel should have a badass armor outfit, which would be very funny, because she's soft.
SPEAKER_3: She's soft.
SPEAKER_1: She's mom.
SPEAKER_3: She's mom, but what if she was mom dressed up looking like fucking Sauron?
SPEAKER_1: So what if the Harry Potter games would dress up?
SPEAKER_1: I want Voldemort in a nice hat, with a nice hat.
SPEAKER_1: I get it, you can be bald, but what if you had a nice hat, like a sun hat?
SPEAKER_3: Voldemort just has a nice hat, and he's wearing overalls.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Voldemort with a nice sun hat and overalls.
SPEAKER_3: I think this is the best version.
SPEAKER_1: Voldemort, but it's a farming game.
SPEAKER_1: It's Voldemort reformed, reformed-mort.
SPEAKER_1: Welcome to the Stardew Valley, I'm Voldemort.
SPEAKER_3: Stardew Valdi, Stardew Valdi.
SPEAKER_3: I like this idea where we're just going around a different series and coming up with different outfits for them to wear.
SPEAKER_3: I imagine this as sort of an over-the-top version of Smash, where it's just like-
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, Smash with different outfits.
SPEAKER_3: Smash with different outfits, but we're going wild with different outfits.
SPEAKER_3: It's not just different colors.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: It's like-
SPEAKER_1: Samus, but the new Metroid Prime will have different, like not only armor, but you can be in like, you can look like Ridley.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, you can look like-
SPEAKER_3: You can have claws.
SPEAKER_3: Also, you can do car wash Samus, where it's just a very clean version of Samus the Suit, and there's a Christmas tree.
SPEAKER_4: And it just sparkles?
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, it just sparkles, because it's super clean.
SPEAKER_3: And also from the hood, a car air freshener.
SPEAKER_1: Or there's one outfit that's just Christmas lights.
SPEAKER_1: Yes.
SPEAKER_1: Instead of armor, it's just being wrapped.
SPEAKER_1: Like a mummy.
SPEAKER_1: So you know how mummies are wrapped in paper towel or toilet paper?
SPEAKER_1: What if mummies but Christmas lights?
SPEAKER_1: Or Halloween decorations?
SPEAKER_1: Like mummies but with caution tape.
SPEAKER_3: That's very cute.
SPEAKER_3: I like that idea a lot.
SPEAKER_1: This is my Halloween-themed dress-up game.
SPEAKER_3: I don't know where the game portion comes in.
SPEAKER_3: Are we just giving people the opportunity to dress up all these characters?
SPEAKER_3: Is this just an open-source dress-up game?
SPEAKER_1: No, because you have to do more.
SPEAKER_1: Like you said, obviously, there has to be an adventure.
SPEAKER_3: So what's the adventure?
SPEAKER_1: Well, they're gonna go and save Christmas.
SPEAKER_3: Okay, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: From itself.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, sure.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, from itself.
SPEAKER_3: I mean, Santa's gone bad.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, the call is coming from the inside the Kringle.
SPEAKER_3: Yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, Santa Claus has gone bad.
SPEAKER_3: He's been corrupted with demon essence.
SPEAKER_3: And now you have to dress up to turn him back to the way of good Christmas.
SPEAKER_3: And I don't know where the dress up component comes from.
SPEAKER_1: So the thing is, I don't know how it's quite relevant.
SPEAKER_1: As you buy more outfits, you are spending money, right?
SPEAKER_1: And so what is the evil thing about Christmas?
SPEAKER_1: It's capitalism, duh, so we have to purge capitalism from Christmas.
SPEAKER_1: However, Santa has been infused with capitalism.
SPEAKER_1: And so as you spend money, as you dress up your character, you are making capitalism stronger.
SPEAKER_1: However, you get more bonus points by dressing up.
SPEAKER_1: So really it's a trade off, right?
SPEAKER_1: You have to really like figure out like, oh, do I get this outfit?
SPEAKER_1: Like in the final boss fight, right?
SPEAKER_1: Like it's gonna have an extra attack if I do this, but like I gotta get that sombrero.
SPEAKER_3: Right, but then if you do all of that, then you get the worst ending, and all the public transit is AI, and there's nut armies walking around, and it's all very dystopian.
SPEAKER_3: But also you're dressed up in really cute outfits.
SPEAKER_3: Also Donkey Kong is in a maid outfit.
SPEAKER_1: Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, Mane, or.
SPEAKER_1: Like something about them is like, this isn't Ash's Pikachu.
SPEAKER_1: This is a different Pikachu.
SPEAKER_1: And for some reason, Ash's Pikachu is the only one that looks like the Pikachu that like is in every video game.
SPEAKER_3: That makes sense.
SPEAKER_1: So yeah, that one.
SPEAKER_3: Okay.
SPEAKER_1: That Pikachu is gonna have plot armor.
SPEAKER_3: Okay, so that Pikachu has plot armor.
SPEAKER_3: I like that.
SPEAKER_3: I think that's good.
SPEAKER_1: Who else has a plot armor?
SPEAKER_3: Who else has plot armor?
SPEAKER_3: God, there's so many characters.
SPEAKER_1: What if we gave Catra plot armor?
SPEAKER_3: No.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so Catra has plot armor.
SPEAKER_3: I wanna give Scorpia plot armor.
SPEAKER_1: Scorpia has plot armor.
SPEAKER_3: Is she fucking better?
SPEAKER_3: I love that Scorpion woman.
SPEAKER_1: I haven't finished She-Ra yet.
SPEAKER_3: I haven't finished She-Ra either.
SPEAKER_1: What episode do you get to?
SPEAKER_3: I think nine.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, I'm ahead of you on morning.
SPEAKER_1: I win this consumer apples and steaks.
SPEAKER_3: After watching it, and then we ended up watching a shark tail for some reason.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, damn, I thought you meant like, remember where there's that sexy fish movie?
SPEAKER_3: That's that shark tail.
SPEAKER_1: Is that?
SPEAKER_1: No, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_1: I'm pretty sure there was like a different sexy fish movie.
SPEAKER_3: The sexy fish movie with the Angelina Jolie fish?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: That's the one that we watched.
SPEAKER_1: Is that shark tail?
SPEAKER_3: I think it's shark tail.
SPEAKER_3: I believe that it's shark tail.
SPEAKER_1: I thought there was a different movie where there was a sexy pink fish.
SPEAKER_3: Hey, the thing about heterosexual movies is that there's probably more than one movie that has a sexy pink fish in it.
SPEAKER_3: Shark tail is one such movie.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, if you just Google sexy pink fish, what happens?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, okay Google, show me a sexy pink fish.
SPEAKER_1: So I Googled sexy pink fish, and the things that came up were fishnets or just like normal pictures of pink fish.
SPEAKER_1: So I love this sort of this mixture.
SPEAKER_1: This is amazing.
SPEAKER_1: This is technology.
SPEAKER_3: Actually, the sexy fish from Shark Tail is red, is more red than pink.
SPEAKER_3: It's reddish pink.
SPEAKER_1: Okay.
SPEAKER_3: So this is the cast of Shark Tail.
SPEAKER_1: No, I'm thinking of a different sexy pink fish.
SPEAKER_3: You're thinking of a different sexy pink fish?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: There's more than one sexy pink fish.
SPEAKER_1: I'm pretty sure there's a fish that was played by Will Smith.
SPEAKER_3: That's from Shark Tail.
SPEAKER_1: No, it is Shark Tail, damn.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, no, I'm right.
SPEAKER_3: I'm right.
SPEAKER_3: I watched this movie literally the other night, and I don't want any of those characters to have plot armor.
SPEAKER_3: No, that's not true.
SPEAKER_3: I want Lenny from Shark Tail to have plot armor.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I definitely know who Lenny is.
SPEAKER_1: So let's give Lenny...
SPEAKER_3: He's the good shark.
SPEAKER_3: Also, we were googling that movie, and apparently they're Christian groups that have boycotted it because Lenny's plot line, because he's a vegetarian shark, they believe that Lenny's plot line is a metaphor for homosexuality.
SPEAKER_1: Who boycotted it?
SPEAKER_3: Christian groups.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, okay, cool.
SPEAKER_3: Some Christian groups.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, I know I'm a vegetarian because I'm gay.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, but then you watch that movie, and it is super a metaphor for homosexuality.
SPEAKER_3: Like, it is super...
SPEAKER_3: Like, there's literally like...
SPEAKER_3: The Will Smith fish at one point goes like, so your son likes to eat kelp, so he likes to dress like a dolphin, you know?
SPEAKER_3: Like, it's like, it's so like clearly obvious that at one point we were watching it, I was like, I'm like having feelings about it.
SPEAKER_3: Like, dad, spoilers for Shark Tale.
SPEAKER_3: At the end, the like, mom boss shark dad accepts his son as a vegetarian, and they live in harmony with the other fish.
SPEAKER_3: Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_3: Because gay rights.
SPEAKER_3: I want that shark.
SPEAKER_3: I would like for that shark to have claw armor.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_3: There's a lot of friends at the table, characters that would like to have-
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I was about to just say Benjamin.
SPEAKER_3: You can give Benjamin claw armor.
SPEAKER_1: I'll give Blue Jay claw armor.
SPEAKER_1: All right, we got it.
SPEAKER_3: We nailed it.
SPEAKER_3: We gave him claw armor.
SPEAKER_3: They're safe now.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, there's a lot of characters that would like to have claw armor.
SPEAKER_3: I think, here's the thing.
SPEAKER_3: I just want every character I like to have claw armor.
SPEAKER_1: Sometimes I want claw armor.
SPEAKER_4: I would like to have claw armor.
SPEAKER_3: Clair, how are we coming up with real life claw armor?
SPEAKER_1: I mean, we gotta find the author.
SPEAKER_1: Who is the author?
SPEAKER_3: I mean, if you ask some people...
SPEAKER_1: Rowling?
SPEAKER_3: Well...
SPEAKER_3: That's why she can't shut the fuck up.
SPEAKER_3: If you ask some people, the author is God, so we just have to find God.
SPEAKER_1: All right.
SPEAKER_1: God, give me plot armor.
SPEAKER_1: This is God giving me plot armor and taking you no longer a plot armor.
SPEAKER_1: That's the end.
SPEAKER_1: And that's how she died, folks.
SPEAKER_3: You're cutting that out, right?
SPEAKER_1: Who knows?
SPEAKER_1: God.
SPEAKER_1: Yep, that's who we need to find.
SPEAKER_4: Don't drink water, don't drink water.
SPEAKER_3: You won't have plot armor.
SPEAKER_3: So all we gotta do to have plot armor is no longer drink water.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, only drink non-water substances, substances with no water in them.
SPEAKER_1: Gasoline, air, penguins.
SPEAKER_3: Are those all things that have no water in them?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: All right, there it is then.
SPEAKER_3: That's what it is.
SPEAKER_1: I'm so glad.
SPEAKER_1: I think that solved my craving.
SPEAKER_3: Great.
SPEAKER_3: I'm really glad that we did get away from the dystopia there.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, instead, we can just drink our nice tall glass of penguin.
SPEAKER_3: Okay, maybe we didn't.
SPEAKER_3: Only nut and penguin.
SPEAKER_1: Nut, penguin, AI, party.
SPEAKER_1: It's the unified all three parties.
SPEAKER_1: There's only one party.
SPEAKER_1: You know who to vote for now.
SPEAKER_3: Maybe we need to keep sleeping until after Christmas.
SPEAKER_1: You better watch out.
SPEAKER_4: You better watch out.
SPEAKER_3: For Salt Cravings, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram at Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_1: And you can email us your submissions, submissions at saltcravings.com.
SPEAKER_3: We would love to hear your cravings so that we can talk about them.
SPEAKER_3: We promise we won't make them dystopias.
SPEAKER_1: Or we might.
SPEAKER_3: Maybe, we might not.
SPEAKER_1: We'll make them cool dystopias.
SPEAKER_3: We'll make them such cool dystopias.
SPEAKER_1: You'll want to analyze the shit out of that dystopia.
SPEAKER_3: Analyze.
SPEAKER_1: What does this dystopia really say about real life?
SPEAKER_3: What does art dystopia really say about real life?
SPEAKER_3: But it's all about nut and robots.
SPEAKER_1: Rub that.