SPEAKER_2: Ah, welcome to Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: My name's Brianna.
SPEAKER_3: My name's Clair.
SPEAKER_2: And welcome to the life of luxury.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, I'm feeling so luxurious.
SPEAKER_2: Isn't it incredible, now that we've set up a Patreon.
SPEAKER_2: I have so much money.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, I'm just swimming in these bills, these-
SPEAKER_4: Dollar, dollar bills.
SPEAKER_4: Sorry, what faces are on US bills?
SPEAKER_4: I don't know anything about the US.
SPEAKER_4: Benjamins, Franklins?
SPEAKER_2: Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_4: Wilsons?
SPEAKER_4: Bushes?
SPEAKER_2: If there are bushes on US dollar bills, we are truly in a dystopia.
SPEAKER_2: There's Washington on one of them, for sure.
SPEAKER_4: Remember to wash your bills.
SPEAKER_2: Remember to wash your bills.
SPEAKER_2: That's what we're doing here at Rich Salt Cravings now, because we have so much money for our Patreon.
SPEAKER_4: Don't look at how much money is being joined in, Patreon.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, just take our word for it.
SPEAKER_4: Just take our word for it.
SPEAKER_2: We are making so, so much money.
SPEAKER_4: I'm so, so filthy now.
SPEAKER_2: I know.
SPEAKER_4: Filthy rich that is.
SPEAKER_2: And you know, you, and you know, if you want to join in and feel connected to the richness, the luxury.
SPEAKER_2: If you want to be the 1% of people don't need to donate, you can go do that at Patreon.
SPEAKER_2: Anyway, I wanted to do a promo at the top.
SPEAKER_4: And now it's all downhill from here, is what you're saying?
SPEAKER_1: Well, it is.
SPEAKER_4: Cause if we're at the top, we can only go down.
SPEAKER_2: We're at the top in terms of our income because we're so rich.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, I see.
SPEAKER_4: It started at the top and now we're going down.
SPEAKER_2: Now we're going down.
SPEAKER_2: But, hey, doesn't it feel good?
SPEAKER_4: I mean, it's easy.
SPEAKER_4: Gravity helps a lot when we go down.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Unfortunately, in addition to being rich, I am sick.
SPEAKER_4: So, Sick of money.
SPEAKER_2: Sick of all this money.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, there's just so much.
SPEAKER_2: It's an absurd amount of money, Clair.
SPEAKER_4: What are you gonna do with all your money?
SPEAKER_2: I think I might buy a super yacht.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, wow.
SPEAKER_4: Are you gonna get the super yacht with six bedrooms or eight?
SPEAKER_2: I was looking at the eight bedroom one with the golden toilet.
SPEAKER_4: Gold.
SPEAKER_4: That's so cold, though.
SPEAKER_4: Not titanium?
SPEAKER_2: Well, it's a heated gold toilet.
SPEAKER_4: Okay.
SPEAKER_4: But gold melts if it's heated too much.
SPEAKER_4: So remember to get like the diamond studs so that it-
SPEAKER_2: Yes, yes, yes.
SPEAKER_4: Properly.
SPEAKER_2: Of course, that goes without saying.
SPEAKER_2: We know how to do it in the life of Luxury.
SPEAKER_2: I guess we should keep doing our podcast, which makes us so much money now.
SPEAKER_4: It's so much money.
SPEAKER_4: I guess I can give you a craving.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, just, you know, let's keep doing it.
SPEAKER_2: It's all worth it.
SPEAKER_2: We've sold out now completely.
SPEAKER_2: So as a sellout, what are you craving?
SPEAKER_4: As a sellout, I thought since last time we sort of went into dystopia, I thought maybe I'd try to bring it into a utopia sort of realm because my first craving is the end of copyright.
SPEAKER_1: Hell yes, yes, yes.
SPEAKER_2: I want Mickey Mouse.
SPEAKER_4: I want Mickey Mouse's head on Donald Duck's body.
SPEAKER_2: I want Mickey Mouse's head on a plate.
SPEAKER_3: Deliver to me.
SPEAKER_4: This is definitely not a dystopia.
SPEAKER_2: Listen, I'm just saying, it would be great to be able to do whatever we want to do with those mice.
SPEAKER_4: No, no, you said it.
SPEAKER_4: It's there now.
SPEAKER_4: It's out there.
SPEAKER_2: Listen, I just want to clarify, I do not want to fuck Mickey Mouse.
SPEAKER_4: I'm sure that now that you have said these words exactly, people knew that you did not mean that.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, exactly, exactly, right?
SPEAKER_2: But I do like this a lot.
SPEAKER_2: I think that there's a lot of properties that should not be in copyright.
SPEAKER_4: I mean, I just think copyright in general is always going to cause trouble.
SPEAKER_4: And especially, I think I've talked about this before, in technology is where like, if I write a piece of code, or I mean, it's really anything that you create, if you write a book, etc, etc, it technically belongs to you.
SPEAKER_4: But then you use these websites like Facebook or Instagram or whatever, where when you use them, you're basically like giving them ownership.
SPEAKER_4: You're waiving your right to anything.
SPEAKER_4: And so copyright doesn't really exist on an individual if you want to use the platforms.
SPEAKER_4: So then, of course, when you work for a tech company, you usually sign a contract that says like, you're waiving your copyright to them.
SPEAKER_4: And this really stunts technological growth.
SPEAKER_4: Like, if copyright never existed, imagine the technologies we could build because we don't have to create word processing for the, I don't know, 10,000th time.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, no, for sure.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, if we're talking about creative endeavors, I can actually tell you what it's like in a world where copyright does not exist.
SPEAKER_2: Because for most of European and English literary history, there wasn't copyright.
SPEAKER_2: It was kind of a dick move to just straight up copy other people's stuff, but it wasn't illegal.
SPEAKER_2: You didn't have a right to your intellectual property.
SPEAKER_2: You could copy whatever you wanted.
SPEAKER_2: Shakespeare copied.
SPEAKER_2: Everyone copied, really.
SPEAKER_2: The shift towards copyright is tied up really strongly with individualism.
SPEAKER_2: And you can see that a lot of proponents of copyright are people who have a really individualistic, romantic era notion of the individual genius.
SPEAKER_2: And so you see people like William Wordsworth, who actually, in his life, ended up advocating for a forever copyright that never went away, which functionally people still advocate for.
SPEAKER_2: But his whole thing was, no, I should always have the copyright to everything that I create.
SPEAKER_4: I think another...
SPEAKER_4: I know you know everything about copyright because you're really good at this stuff.
SPEAKER_4: But I think the other thing that's really inspired me to bring this to the table today is, I don't know if you've seen this, but Disney's getting up in arms about photos of baby Yoda on the internet, and they basically want to make it like, so you can't post photos of baby Yoda, period, or GIFs or anything like that because copyright.
SPEAKER_2: And that's the reason.
SPEAKER_2: This is the way that Disney's done things for a while.
SPEAKER_2: They are some of the most ardent defenders of their copyright.
SPEAKER_4: And I'm not surprised.
SPEAKER_4: I'm not surprised that it is Disney doing this, but I'm blown away.
SPEAKER_4: It's like, yes, you cannot post these funny GIFs of baby Yoda.
SPEAKER_4: Fuck you.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: Which is free advertising.
SPEAKER_2: Of course, of course.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, the thing about copyright, sometimes copyright is really positive because it prevents certain people from just stealing random people's shit.
SPEAKER_2: But then other times, copyright ends up being a way to exploit people and a way to shut down creativity and like, you know, a way to stop creative endeavors.
SPEAKER_2: Because a lot of creative endeavors are based on previous creative endeavors.
SPEAKER_2: And fan fiction is the same thing as reinterpretation, et cetera, and so forth.
SPEAKER_4: But fan fiction isn't real, Brianna.
SPEAKER_3: It's not real literature.
SPEAKER_2: No one reads fan fiction.
SPEAKER_2: No one writes fan fiction.
SPEAKER_4: There's no website out there for fan fiction.
SPEAKER_2: There's definitely not several.
SPEAKER_4: There's definitely only one giant word document out there that has all fan fiction ever written, and it's never shared online.
SPEAKER_2: Of course, that is the way that it works.
SPEAKER_2: The point is that copyright can be very positive, but also the way that it's used is almost entirely negative, especially when we're looking at big corporations.
SPEAKER_4: And I mean, really, who's going to win out in the law battle of copyright, right?
SPEAKER_2: Oh, it's always people who have more money and power because it's even just a matter of, even if you were in the right, they can take you to court and beat you to death with lawyer fees.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_4: So I guess my question is, are we ending copyright?
SPEAKER_4: Can we do it?
SPEAKER_4: How do we do it?
SPEAKER_4: What does this look like?
SPEAKER_2: Do you want my honest answer on the idea of what would be a good way to determine a new system of copyright?
SPEAKER_2: Because if so, I'm going to have to write a paper, and it's going to be excessive, and there's going to be a whole lot of talk about like, well, what size should a thing, and after what period of time?
SPEAKER_1: I'm going to stop you.
SPEAKER_4: Brianna, I'm going to have to rein you in here.
SPEAKER_2: There's so many elements and layers.
SPEAKER_4: Brianna, I appreciate the enthusiasm of the topic that I brought today.
SPEAKER_4: I would love this essay.
SPEAKER_4: Please have it on my desk by Monday next week.
SPEAKER_4: But for now, maybe we can come up with some more instant solutions.
SPEAKER_2: All right.
SPEAKER_2: I have a good first step.
SPEAKER_2: We're going to nationalize Disney.
SPEAKER_4: And by nationalize, you mean like everyone owns Disney?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, we're splitting up their assets and completely abolishing the company as it exists because they are a tyrant on the media landscape.
SPEAKER_4: Can I have Disney Plus?
SPEAKER_4: I want Disney Plus.
SPEAKER_4: I know it's new, but I just I want my own streaming service.
SPEAKER_2: It's yours.
SPEAKER_1: It's yours, Clair.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, God, I always wanted it.
SPEAKER_4: But I think the thing you should go subscribe to now that I own Disney Plus, you should go to subscribe to Disney Plus.
SPEAKER_2: Wow, I'm going to go buy Disney Plus because Clair owns it now.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, it's mine now.
SPEAKER_2: But but like this is important because Disney is the one that keeps saying, oh, copyright should be longer.
SPEAKER_2: Copyright should be right.
SPEAKER_4: It's like, what, 120 years or something?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, and it's going to keep expanding for as long as Disney's a corporation.
SPEAKER_2: First, we need to destroy.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Coming up on.
SPEAKER_2: So we're going to see within the next few years, we're going to see copyright extended again, unless we abolish Disney.
SPEAKER_4: What if what if we make the mouse join our ranks?
SPEAKER_2: Yes, I because without copyright, he can.
SPEAKER_4: No, but like, what if what if we make the mouse lobby the lobbyists?
SPEAKER_4: What if we like, lay out some cheese?
SPEAKER_4: Oh, like some bad outdated references?
SPEAKER_1: That's some cheese.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_4: Do you want this magic hat that you can control brooms with?
SPEAKER_2: Absolutely.
SPEAKER_4: Do you want to get out of doing any work because you're?
SPEAKER_1: What was that?
SPEAKER_1: Yes, yes, yes, they keep working me.
SPEAKER_2: I need out.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_4: Help me.
SPEAKER_1: I'm Mickey Mouse and I need out.
SPEAKER_4: Does Mickey Mouse just like have this uncontrollable laughter that like, it just like is like hiccups.
SPEAKER_2: It's a cry for help.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, I see.
SPEAKER_4: I see.
SPEAKER_2: Yes.
SPEAKER_2: I think the mouse joining the ranks would be a good first step.
SPEAKER_2: Disney's greatest weapon of copyright is now our greatest weapon.
SPEAKER_4: Mickey Mouse is now a symbol of anti-copyright laws.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Mickey Mouse, the anarchist.
SPEAKER_4: So Mickey Mouse is going to go like throw a grenade into like the Marvel vault and blow up the Avengers.
SPEAKER_4: All right.
SPEAKER_3: So we're assembling the anti-Avengers.
SPEAKER_4: And Mickey Mouse is the Captain America of this team.
SPEAKER_2: Baby Yoda is there.
SPEAKER_3: Baby Yoda is there.
SPEAKER_4: We've turned their like greatest stars against them.
SPEAKER_4: Yes.
SPEAKER_4: But we need some other people to join the ranks because I think like not everyone in Disney is going to be like so easily turned against Disney.
SPEAKER_4: I think Mickey's like pretty tired.
SPEAKER_4: And I think Baby Yoda is like fresh faced and like a symbol of the resistance.
SPEAKER_4: A symbol of the resistance.
SPEAKER_4: The new resistance, you could say.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_2: The new resistance.
SPEAKER_4: Who else are we getting to join our ranks?
SPEAKER_2: Um, goodness.
SPEAKER_2: There's a, it's a good question.
SPEAKER_3: Master Chief?
SPEAKER_3: Can we get Master Chief to join the ranks?
SPEAKER_2: Master Chief is a copyrighted character.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, if we're just looking at copyrighted characters.
SPEAKER_4: Well, yeah, because we got to turn their greatest weapons against them, right?
SPEAKER_3: True.
SPEAKER_4: What are some un-copyrighted characters?
SPEAKER_2: Um, Sherlock Holmes.
SPEAKER_4: Okay, cool.
SPEAKER_4: Sherlock Holmes is there.
SPEAKER_2: I guess Frankenstein would be.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, damn, yeah.
SPEAKER_4: All right, Frankenstein and Sherlock Holmes are on the case.
SPEAKER_2: But this is like Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, which is like way cooler and way stronger than...
SPEAKER_4: And probably better at planning.
SPEAKER_2: Way better at planning.
SPEAKER_2: It speaks better than I do.
SPEAKER_2: It's like an incredible orator.
SPEAKER_2: And so that's a good asset for the team.
SPEAKER_4: So Mickey Mouse is riding on the back of Frankenstein.
SPEAKER_4: Frankenstein hates this because Mickey Mouse only knows the Disney version of Frankenstein and is like, we're gonna beat them up.
SPEAKER_4: And Frankenstein is like, please, please get off of me.
SPEAKER_4: I would like you very much to evacuate my shoulders.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, it's perfect.
SPEAKER_2: I think we need some superheroes just in general.
SPEAKER_4: Can I pull like a deep cut from the lead character from Strong Female Protagonist, a webcomic?
SPEAKER_2: Sure.
SPEAKER_4: Maybe, I don't know if that's not copyright, but that doesn't stop us so far.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, that's probably copyrighted.
SPEAKER_4: Cool.
SPEAKER_2: I think that that's a good call.
SPEAKER_2: I think we've got a really good anti-copyright crew.
SPEAKER_2: What's the plan?
SPEAKER_4: All right, so, you know in the Disney vault where they keep the laws, where they keep the Disney laws of copyright?
SPEAKER_4: So we're gonna break into the vault.
SPEAKER_2: Okay.
SPEAKER_4: And so-
SPEAKER_2: It's a heist.
SPEAKER_4: It's a heist.
SPEAKER_4: We're doing another heist.
SPEAKER_2: It's incredible how many cravings you can solve with a heist.
SPEAKER_4: It does seem to be the core of a craving, is if you can turn it into a heist, it's a good craving.
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh, absolutely.
SPEAKER_4: Welcome to Salt Cravings, a heist podcast.
SPEAKER_2: Honestly, sometimes it kind of is.
SPEAKER_4: Well, maybe we don't have to do a heist.
SPEAKER_4: Maybe we bring the heists to us.
SPEAKER_4: Maybe we lure them out.
SPEAKER_4: Maybe it's like, oh, you know, every ten decades, every couple decades, ten decades is too long.
SPEAKER_4: Every few decades, you have to update your copyright law, right?
SPEAKER_2: You do.
SPEAKER_2: It's actually way more frequent than every couple of decades.
SPEAKER_4: So every couple of sub-decades, as I like to call them, or mini-decades, if you could, you have to, out of the vault, you have to bring the copyright laws.
SPEAKER_4: Because you're right, this vault is impenetrable.
SPEAKER_4: We're never gonna get in there.
SPEAKER_4: So what we have to do is we have to strike them when they're bringing this contract to get re-signed and updated.
SPEAKER_4: So we gotta strike them when they're weak.
SPEAKER_4: You know that car, the Disney car, where they make it bulletproof, where they put the contract in?
SPEAKER_2: Yes.
SPEAKER_4: We gotta steal that car.
SPEAKER_2: We gotta steal that car, all right.
SPEAKER_4: Or we just gotta stop that car, take the paper, and then be like, all right, so how are we, what's the distraction?
SPEAKER_4: What is the diversion that we're setting up?
SPEAKER_4: The car is going along, and it's like, what, is it construction?
SPEAKER_4: Who's there?
SPEAKER_4: Is it Mickey Mouse in a construction hat?
SPEAKER_3: Right, this is my thing.
SPEAKER_2: It's just like, imagine the absolute distraction of Disney seeing Mickey Mouse interrupting them, just being like, did you put him there?
SPEAKER_2: I didn't put him there.
SPEAKER_2: Someone should go talk to him.
SPEAKER_4: Can someone call the animators?
SPEAKER_3: Who put Mickey in the middle of Wall Street?
SPEAKER_2: And it's just like Mickey Mouse in full Kingdom Hearts outfit of the most badass Mickey Mouse has ever been, just staring them down and glaring.
SPEAKER_4: Okay, so I've never played Kingdom Hearts.
SPEAKER_4: Does Mickey Mouse use like, because I know it's Final Fantasy, does Mickey Mouse use magic, like Thundera or like?
SPEAKER_2: I think so.
SPEAKER_4: Okay, cool.
SPEAKER_4: So there's a key or whatever in this game.
SPEAKER_2: Mickey Mouse is clearly magical.
SPEAKER_4: Mickey Mouse is clearly a mage.
SPEAKER_4: And so Mickey Mouse raises this key sword and like thunder shoots down and then just points the key sword at the car and thunder shoots at the car.
SPEAKER_4: And they're like, Mickey, rude.
SPEAKER_4: And Mickey is like, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_2: I love it, I love it.
SPEAKER_2: And this is a really good distraction because they're all going to come out and we're just going to get all the Disney soldiers coming out because they've hired a private military corporation.
SPEAKER_4: The Avengers.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it's the Avengers.
SPEAKER_2: And it's the Avengers versus Mickey Mouse.
SPEAKER_2: But they can't hit him because he just keeps teleporting or something, I don't know.
SPEAKER_4: He's Mickey Mouse, you can't.
SPEAKER_2: He's got so much years behind him as a mage.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, have you seen how many times Mickey Mouse has been beaten up in cartoons and it never really hurts him?
SPEAKER_2: It's like the fact that SpongeBob's functionally immortal.
SPEAKER_4: SpongeBob is part of the anti-imikapi, right?
SPEAKER_2: Absolutely.
SPEAKER_4: So SpongeBob is going to come out of the sewer.
SPEAKER_2: SpongeBob is a particularly potent choice right now after the fact that the creator of SpongeBob passed away was specifically like, I don't want any spinoffs, and now he's passed away and now they're making a spinoff.
SPEAKER_2: Anyway, SpongeBob's in this fucking crew and he's gonna wreck some shit.
SPEAKER_4: So he comes out, so the car is stopped over a sewer grate and SpongeBob comes out from the sewer grate and squeezes through the whatever, like corners of this car into-
SPEAKER_2: Cartoon logic, yes.
SPEAKER_4: Cartoon, listen, don't bring it here.
SPEAKER_2: He's a cartoon character, cartoon logic works.
SPEAKER_4: It's fine, it's fine, okay.
SPEAKER_4: All right, so SpongeBob comes into the car.
SPEAKER_4: Are people guarding this piece of paper in the car?
SPEAKER_4: Does SpongeBob have to do kung fu?
SPEAKER_2: Yes, probably.
SPEAKER_2: SpongeBob has to do kung fu, but it's mostly to lure them a little farther out of the car so that we can get the main crew in there.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, who's the main crew?
SPEAKER_2: I mean, the main crew is everyone else, as we've said.
SPEAKER_4: Okay, who did we say?
SPEAKER_2: We said Frankenstein, we said Sherlock Holmes.
SPEAKER_2: We said that one character from Strong Female Protagonist.
SPEAKER_4: Cool.
SPEAKER_4: I think we had one more.
SPEAKER_4: I don't remember.
SPEAKER_2: I don't remember either.
SPEAKER_4: So Frankenstein and Sherlock Holmes.
SPEAKER_4: Frankenstein dressed as Sherlock Holmes.
SPEAKER_4: Let me just be clear, Frankenstein-
SPEAKER_1: Sherlock Holmes also dressed as Sherlock Holmes.
SPEAKER_4: So Frankenstein is Sherlock Holmes, and Sherlock Holmes is Watson.
SPEAKER_4: Um, because let's be real, who the real intelligence is here.
SPEAKER_4: Um, just like come on either side, and they're like dressed up like investigators, and they're like, oh, this is like an inspection.
SPEAKER_4: You were gonna have to like check your car for drugs or whatever.
SPEAKER_4: And so they go in and like one of them's like distracting them, and the other one grabs the copyright law paper, and then you just like erase.
SPEAKER_4: So it says 120, and I think you just erased the one and the two, and it just says zero, and then you sign it and you put it back.
SPEAKER_2: And there you go.
SPEAKER_2: They'll never know.
SPEAKER_3: And it's the perfect crime.
SPEAKER_2: They'll never know.
SPEAKER_4: Zero years of copyright.
SPEAKER_2: They'll take it to the judge, or the judge will be like, the judge will be like, all right, oh, so zero years of copyright?
SPEAKER_2: And they're like, no!
SPEAKER_2: But it's too late, he's already signed it.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, and that's it forever.
SPEAKER_2: And we just abolished copyright.
SPEAKER_4: Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Now everyone can steal everything.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, wanna make a Mickey Mouse fan fiction?
SPEAKER_4: Wanna make Frankenstein fuck Mickey Mouse?
SPEAKER_4: Now you can.
SPEAKER_2: Wanna steal Salt Cravings?
SPEAKER_2: You can do that too.
SPEAKER_4: I mean, do it anyways.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, fuck it.
SPEAKER_3: It's a podcast, who cares?
SPEAKER_4: Make content, it's cool.
SPEAKER_2: Make content, it's cool.
SPEAKER_2: Welcome to Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_4: I'm copyrighting that slogan.
SPEAKER_4: Do you wanna give me the next craving to solve?
SPEAKER_2: I would love to.
SPEAKER_4: You sound so genuine, wow.
SPEAKER_2: I am very genuine about this craving, because the thing about Star Wars, and baby Yoda, and baby, well, exactly.
SPEAKER_2: The thing about Star Wars is that Star Wars has an incredible system of canon.
SPEAKER_4: This is separate, sorry, sorry, pre-canon that is all now non-canon or new canon?
SPEAKER_2: The pre-canon that is now all non-canon.
SPEAKER_2: This is a very Disney episode, in which I am saying, what if Disney never came in and made all the old shit not a thing anymore?
SPEAKER_2: And the answer to that is, you would still have people obsessed with Yoda's toes.
SPEAKER_2: I would like to leave you something that you've already heard before, Clair.
SPEAKER_2: But that the people need to hear.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Which is that there's a lot of people who are very obsessed with every possible aspect of Star Wars.
SPEAKER_2: You don't say.
SPEAKER_2: And the talk of baby Yoda has brought up some thoughts about the fact that there is no name for Yoda species.
SPEAKER_2: And there's a lot of details about Yoda species that we don't know.
SPEAKER_2: On Wookiepedia, there's a subheading on the Yoda species page called Number of Toes.
SPEAKER_2: I would like to read you something from this page.
SPEAKER_2: People want to find it.
SPEAKER_2: It is the one that is marked legends rather than the one that is not marked legends because Wookiepedia has ones for the new canon and old canon.
SPEAKER_2: This is the old canon one.
SPEAKER_2: And under Number of Toes, it says, the number of toes that members of this species, aka Yoda species, possess has been inconsistently portrayed over the course of the Star Wars franchise, including in the films.
SPEAKER_2: A Tridactyl foot would only have three toes, but this version has only appeared once in the Phantom Menace, whereas the puppet used in the Empire Strikes Back in Return of the Jedi, as well as the digital model from Revenge of the Sith, all have four toes.
SPEAKER_2: In the Empire Strikes Back shot of Yoda rummaging through Luke's supplies, Yoda's souls are visible.
SPEAKER_2: Although there are definitely three forward facing toes, an additional digit protruding in the opposite direction is ambiguously either a fourth toe or a prehensile heel of some kind if such a thing is anatomically possible.
SPEAKER_2: The clear presence or absence of a fourth toenail would settle the matter, but the angle of the shot makes it impossible to see whether one is there.
SPEAKER_2: If the fourth rear facing digit is a toe, then Yoda's species have anisodactyl feet.
SPEAKER_2: In The Phantom Menace, the puppets of both Yoda and Yaddle, which is a female member of Yoda's species, feature three forward facing toes and a blunted human-like heel instead of the original puppet's anisodactyl arrangement, thus having truly tri-dactyl feet.
SPEAKER_2: Attack of the Clones has a fully digital Yoda, but contains no closeups adequate to discern the toe arrangement.
SPEAKER_2: The digital Yoda in Revenge of the Sith returns to the original trilogy puppet's anisodactyl design as scene shots of Yoda plummeting to the Senate Rotunda floor at the conclusion of his battle with Darth Sidious.
SPEAKER_2: And when jumping down into Bail Organa's feet or shortly afterwards, one earlier shot of the Odin lying momentarily stunned on a Senate pod during the battle also seems to display a rearward fourth toe nail, indicating the fourth digit is indeed a toe, but the shot is not adequately clear at DVD resolution.
SPEAKER_2: Likely, as are some...
SPEAKER_2: I'll stop there.
SPEAKER_2: This goes on for like four more paragraphs.
SPEAKER_4: Oh my God, I can't believe you went on for that many paragraphs.
SPEAKER_2: It is so good.
SPEAKER_2: It is incredible.
SPEAKER_4: I feel like I got lost halfway through that, but I pointed this out last time you read it to me, and I'm gonna point it out this time.
SPEAKER_4: I'm just angry at the phrase, if it is anatomically possible...
SPEAKER_2: I know, it's so good.
SPEAKER_3: In a sci-fi world, of course it's anatomically possible.
SPEAKER_3: You literally...
SPEAKER_3: There's a word for it, the anitridactyl, whatever the...
SPEAKER_3: Of course there are birds that have it.
SPEAKER_2: Tridactyl feet and anisodactyl feet.
SPEAKER_4: Thank you.
SPEAKER_3: Those are the first...
SPEAKER_3: Sure, yeah, there are words.
SPEAKER_3: So of course, I'm just angry.
SPEAKER_2: It's so good.
SPEAKER_4: Is it anatomically possible?
SPEAKER_3: Yes.
SPEAKER_2: And this is the thing, is that all of Star Wars canon is like this, to the extent that they're actually in the old canon, levels of canon, where the highest level is George Lucas canon, and then it's the TV shows, and then it's the books and stuff, where it's like if thing that is higher tier than another thing contradict each other, the higher tier thing is the correct thing, but also Star Wars considers itself a whole mythos.
SPEAKER_2: The point is, Star Wars fans are fucking nuts about canon, and it's the best thing in the entire world.
SPEAKER_2: And I want us to develop a new system of canon to be used in general for a piece of media.
SPEAKER_2: I will say that the Star Wars canon is really, really specific in terms of first and foremost is like anything that is in the films.
SPEAKER_4: Okay, so I think the biggest flaw in what we saw for how canon works was that a company came along, Disney, and was just like, none of this is real anymore, and basically just wiped out what canon was.
SPEAKER_4: Now, I think the idea of having a stable, one-off canon is where they went wrong.
SPEAKER_4: I think what we need is we need an ever-changing canon.
SPEAKER_4: So what if every week, we pick a new canon, and then we just throw a bunch of darts at a dartboard, and then we just have every single piece of media on this dartboard, and just whatever the darts hit, that's what's canon this week.
SPEAKER_2: In life?
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, and everything.
SPEAKER_2: And, okay, so-
SPEAKER_4: So we pick our laws of physics, and we put them on a dartboard.
SPEAKER_3: Is there gravity this week?
SPEAKER_4: Who knows?
SPEAKER_2: We could-
SPEAKER_4: Check the dartboard.
SPEAKER_2: Just apply this to pieces of media.
SPEAKER_2: We don't have to apply this to the whole world as it exists.
SPEAKER_4: Okay, I guess.
SPEAKER_4: All right, fine.
SPEAKER_4: Let's apply it to only media.
SPEAKER_4: Whatever.
SPEAKER_4: Boring.
SPEAKER_4: So we are gonna have gravity.
SPEAKER_4: Brianna's convinced me we're gonna keep gravity.
SPEAKER_4: Gravity is-
SPEAKER_2: For now, at least, we'll see what future cravings bring.
SPEAKER_2: I don't think it's out of the question that gravity may be abolished at some point.
SPEAKER_4: Gravity might have served its purpose eventually.
SPEAKER_4: For now, we're keeping it.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_4: So let's really focus in now, right?
SPEAKER_4: We're already on the topic of Star Wars.
SPEAKER_4: Let's apply this to Star Wars.
SPEAKER_2: We've already talked to Star Wars to death.
SPEAKER_2: Let's make a new canon for Star Wars.
SPEAKER_4: Right.
SPEAKER_4: One of the things, and maybe there's like five pieces of media that are always true, right?
SPEAKER_4: You have your core axiom media, and those states-
SPEAKER_2: And it's not the movies.
SPEAKER_4: No, no, absolutely not.
SPEAKER_4: Hell no.
SPEAKER_4: Like maybe at most one movie is canon at a time.
SPEAKER_2: I think that that's one of the ones that changes is every week-
SPEAKER_4: It's the next movie, and then it just-
SPEAKER_2: No, it's a random movie.
SPEAKER_2: It's like, all right, and this week, New Hope is canon, but none of the others are.
SPEAKER_2: So as far as we know, Luke and Leia aren't siblings.
SPEAKER_4: So like-
SPEAKER_2: Because this is what it gets down to, is then none of the stuff in later movies is real.
SPEAKER_4: Right.
SPEAKER_4: The perfect part about this, because it's random and there's no order, like maybe like probabilistically, like eventually down the road, there's just an entire year where only like two movies are canon.
SPEAKER_4: Back and forth.
SPEAKER_2: It's just like, it's just, all right, this was the year where the only canon movies were The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, that's two and three, right?
SPEAKER_2: That's one and two.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, okay, good.
SPEAKER_4: The good ones is what you mean.
SPEAKER_4: But the best ones.
SPEAKER_2: The best, I love, you know what I love about those movies so much?
SPEAKER_2: I love the racist caricature in those movies.
SPEAKER_4: What racist caricature?
SPEAKER_4: That's not a real character and doesn't exist.
SPEAKER_4: Anyways, so one and two is, that character doesn't exist.
SPEAKER_4: I thought we all voted, we never talked about that character.
SPEAKER_2: Because, oh, then you get deep into it, and you can just say specific scenes are canon and other scenes are not canon.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, shit, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: So none of those scenes.
SPEAKER_2: It's just like act three of The Phantom Menace is canon, but nothing else is canon until act two of The Last Jedi.
SPEAKER_4: And I just want to be clear, BF, the short name of the character who will not be named, never canon, no matter what, is never canon even if they're in-
SPEAKER_2: Which, BF?
SPEAKER_4: BF, no, not Boba Fett.
SPEAKER_4: Boba Fett is the best character.
SPEAKER_2: I was about to say, that's not one of the racist caricatures, as far as I'm aware.
SPEAKER_4: No, Boba Fett just dies.
SPEAKER_4: Ah, JJF, JJRT.
SPEAKER_2: JJ Abrams.
SPEAKER_3: JJ Abrams, the racist character in Star Wars.
SPEAKER_2: Is no longer canon.
SPEAKER_4: Is no longer canon.
SPEAKER_4: JJ Abrams is no longer canon.
SPEAKER_2: This is really good.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know why this also needs to be just, cause when you think about it, sometimes, sometimes the best Star Wars things aren't even Star Wars.
SPEAKER_4: Like Star Trek.
SPEAKER_2: It's like Star Trek.
SPEAKER_2: Or things that are heavily like take heavy inspiration from Star Wars, but are not Star Wars.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, so you mean like the burlesque show, A Nude Hope?
SPEAKER_2: Yes, the burlesque show, A Nude Hope is canon now.
SPEAKER_4: Is canon.
SPEAKER_2: This week at least.
SPEAKER_2: We're just doing it for this week.
SPEAKER_4: It's just for this week, don't worry.
SPEAKER_2: I think there's lots of bad sci-fi movies that are just clearly like, man, we want to do Star Wars, but they don't really know how to do Star Wars.
SPEAKER_2: Is our canon now.
SPEAKER_4: Is Stranger Things canon in the Star Wars universe for this week?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, probably, honestly.
SPEAKER_2: Like, I could see it.
SPEAKER_2: Jupiter Sending's canon in Star Wars now.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, good.
SPEAKER_2: It's not even that close to Star Wars, but they're in space, so.
SPEAKER_4: Is She-Ra canon in Star Wars?
SPEAKER_2: She-Ra is, so my roommate and I actually were discussing, we were talking about Star Wars and how there's lots of stuff in She-Ra that if we were to apply it to Star Wars, we could make Star Wars better.
SPEAKER_2: So yes, She-Ra's canon in Star Wars now.
SPEAKER_4: I mean, you could generally apply a lot to Star Wars to make it better.
SPEAKER_4: Agreed.
SPEAKER_2: Listen, I got some thoughts on some characters in Star Wars and how to improve them.
SPEAKER_2: Step one, Raze and Trapta now.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, shit.
SPEAKER_2: Which is really good.
SPEAKER_2: Anyway, we've improved Star Wars by disseminating the idea of Star Wars.
SPEAKER_2: I think some of the Star Wars Extended Universe stuff is canon, for example.
SPEAKER_4: Can I throw one in?
SPEAKER_4: So like, I never actually finished this trilogy of books, but there was one trilogy of books, the Darth Bane series.
SPEAKER_2: I've heard really good things about Darth Bane.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, he's like, I read it a long time ago.
SPEAKER_4: I don't know if it stands up to the test of time, but he's like really messed up.
SPEAKER_4: And like, it's kind of just fun to read the point, like the strongest Sith in the universe sort of point of view.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_4: Because all we ever get in media is like, oh, the Jedi and the space Catholics have won again, yay.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it's boring.
SPEAKER_2: My personal favorite piece of Star Wars media is the 501st by Karen Travis, which is actually the fourth or fifth book in a series of stories about clone troopers.
SPEAKER_2: And after the Empire rises power, some become part of like Darth Vader's special crew and others desert and go to Mandalore and like try and figure out how to stop their like fast aging process.
SPEAKER_2: And it's a story about chosen family and clone troopers.
SPEAKER_2: And that makes my heart hurt when I think about it.
SPEAKER_2: And I love it a lot.
SPEAKER_4: I want to read that one.
SPEAKER_4: That's probably more wholesome than Darth Bane.
SPEAKER_2: It's a lot better than anything else that Star Wars has ever made.
SPEAKER_2: I realized a while back-
SPEAKER_4: So that one's always canon.
SPEAKER_2: That one's always canon, baby.
SPEAKER_4: And this is the new system we're making.
SPEAKER_2: Honestly, I just want anything in Star Wars where a woman made it to be canon because women are so much better at writing Star Wars.
SPEAKER_4: Rowling's gonna write all the new Star Wars movies.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know why my brain just instantly went to Star Wars.
SPEAKER_2: Do Star Wars raise a turf now?
SPEAKER_1: Rise of the turf.
SPEAKER_1: A new turf.
SPEAKER_1: The turf strikes back.
SPEAKER_2: Return of the turf.
SPEAKER_4: Oh.
SPEAKER_2: The Jedi would be turfs.
SPEAKER_4: Are Sith trans?
SPEAKER_2: Listen, everyone in Star Wars is transphobes, except the Grey Jedi.
SPEAKER_4: I've only read one thing about the Grey Jedi.
SPEAKER_2: They're rad.
SPEAKER_2: They're kind of like, hey, turns out you need to have feelings.
SPEAKER_4: Turns out you can't just say one method of morality and then just apply it to everything.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: The Grey Jedi are just like, turns out the Force does care about your feelings.
SPEAKER_4: Even sad.
SPEAKER_2: Even sad.
SPEAKER_2: You can feel sad.
SPEAKER_2: Wow, Jedi, you can fucking feel sad.
SPEAKER_2: Anyway, we need to stop talking about Star Wars because I will just go the fuck off.
SPEAKER_4: Well, in order to make sure Brianna doesn't go off, because that's not what she's been doing for the past while, is I'm going to...
SPEAKER_2: The past episode?
SPEAKER_2: The whole episode so far.
SPEAKER_2: We went from copyright into Star Wars.
SPEAKER_2: There is no hope.
SPEAKER_4: So I'm going to rein it in with, with my second craving, because my second craving is a little softer.
SPEAKER_4: It's recognizing that logic without empathy is impractical.
SPEAKER_2: Damn, just like in Star Wars.
SPEAKER_2: See, the problem with Jedi is that they are so obsessed with the idea of order and balance and like all these things, but they don't actually know what any of it means.
SPEAKER_2: And they just believe that like pushing your feelings down and repression is the right way of doing things, and that's what balance means.
SPEAKER_2: But that's not what balance means.
SPEAKER_2: Balance means recognizing all of your feelings, and sis, don't get that either.
SPEAKER_2: Logic without empathy is bad.
SPEAKER_4: I mean, you basically summed it up.
SPEAKER_4: The Jedi are basically the philosophy dude bros who will argue how like, oh, well, if you set an orphanage on fire, at least it's less mouths to feed.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it's, I mean, it's utilitarianism.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_4: Like the idea of utilitarianism, like I don't, I'm not like, I'm a mathematician, not a philosopher, which is like one step less hated.
SPEAKER_2: I'm a mathematician, not a philosopher.
SPEAKER_4: I don't know.
SPEAKER_4: The number of people I encounter who will make these arguments, which basically just be like, well, we have to ignore our feelings when we talk about logic.
SPEAKER_4: It's like, but if you ignore your feelings, you're going to end up with the logical conclusion that people don't matter.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, and the thing is, is like, well, okay, if we're not talking about feelings, then what are we talking about?
SPEAKER_2: Because the crucial nature of humanity is feelings.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, and like a lot of logical axioms stem from feelings.
SPEAKER_4: So if you try to remove feelings from like, from logic, you're basically removing your fundamental grounding of any logic.
SPEAKER_4: Unless, unless, like, like, for example, utilitarianism is like maximize happiness, right?
SPEAKER_4: Without feelings, the fuck are you maximizing?
SPEAKER_2: There's no happiness without feelings.
SPEAKER_4: Right, you have to like understand what causes happiness in order to like maximize it.
SPEAKER_2: And I mean, at the core of it is this prioritization of a specific sort of way of relating to the world.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, like if I can make an argument, quote unquote, without feelings, my argument is more valid.
SPEAKER_2: And also there is no argument without feelings.
SPEAKER_4: Exactly, but that's why I put them super, like maybe I should have put them in bigger quotes.
SPEAKER_4: Maybe I should have stretched the quotes out and just encompass the entire words with quotes, but that's what I mean.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, so I feel you so hard.
SPEAKER_4: You have some feelings?
SPEAKER_4: Can we make some conclusions with these feelings?
SPEAKER_2: I would love to make some conclusions.
SPEAKER_3: Let's conclude some solutions.
SPEAKER_2: Well, my solution is we simply need to fix society.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_2: So, Star Wars?
SPEAKER_2: I mean...
SPEAKER_2: So we're gonna start a new resistance.
SPEAKER_2: The thing is, I want media that recognizes that feelings exist more, and that feelings are an impetus, are a core of human experience, and that there is no logic without feelings.
SPEAKER_4: I think we talk about the same five topics a lot, but Frankenstein is kind of an excellent example of this.
SPEAKER_2: Frankenstein is an excellent...
SPEAKER_2: I mean, I can go through the topics that we talk about, and I'm gonna have each of them are examples of this.
SPEAKER_2: Frankenstein is a story of like, oh, yes, science for science's sake, and the problems that that creates when you are not prepared to take responsibility for the things that you've done.
SPEAKER_2: It's the classic, like, you thought so hard about whether or not you could.
SPEAKER_2: You didn't stop to think about whether or not you were emotionally prepared to care for another human being that you are creating out of nothing, you piece of shit.
SPEAKER_2: Listen, Frankenstein, the creature in that, deserved better.
SPEAKER_2: That's a good example.
SPEAKER_2: And I think in general, this comes up so often with science.
SPEAKER_2: It's like people being like, oh, well, it's all just about science.
SPEAKER_2: Science doesn't matter about feelings.
SPEAKER_2: I'm like, feelings are chemicals.
SPEAKER_2: Feelings are science.
SPEAKER_2: Feelings are also our science.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, I mean, when I was in a lot of maths classes, the argument you'd always hear is like, it doesn't really matter how bad you want a good mark.
SPEAKER_4: You're gonna get the mark that you deserve because there's only right and wrong in mathematics, which is kind of wrong when you start to get down to the really nitty-gritty.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, you can do an integral wrong, but hey, let's start.
SPEAKER_4: And it does edge on, once you start to get into the philosophical mathematics...
SPEAKER_2: The philosophical mathematics is also the name of my favorite band.
SPEAKER_2: So all of this is true, and we know that feelings are important and that there's no logic without empathy.
SPEAKER_4: So we're going to have a feelings gun?
SPEAKER_2: So what's the...
SPEAKER_2: I was about to ask, what's the funny answer to this?
SPEAKER_2: Pew pew!
SPEAKER_4: You don't need to take your meds today.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, a feelings gun.
SPEAKER_2: Didn't we already create this?
SPEAKER_2: We created a feelings gun.
SPEAKER_4: All right, let's break it out of the vault.
SPEAKER_2: Break it out of the vault.
SPEAKER_4: Welcome to the Disney vault, where you can get your classics for only $19.99.
SPEAKER_4: Here on Salt Cravings, we like to open the Disney vault, where we keep all our archaic cravings.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, and here we have a feelings gun, and we're going to shoot it at these logic-obsessed assholes to make them feel things.
SPEAKER_4: So under utilitarianism, we're just going to set this happiness...
SPEAKER_4: We're going to set the feelings gun to happiness, and then we're just going to like sort of spray it up in the air.
SPEAKER_2: Okay.
SPEAKER_4: What if it's like a hose?
SPEAKER_4: What if we put happiness in the drinking water?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, this is the thing.
SPEAKER_4: What if we put happiness in the drinking water?
SPEAKER_2: Dude, a game came out with this pretty much fucking exact concept.
SPEAKER_2: We Happy Few.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, I don't know that one.
SPEAKER_2: It's a gearbox game.
SPEAKER_2: It came out a couple of years ago.
SPEAKER_4: Cool.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know that it always needs to be happiness, right?
SPEAKER_2: Because sometimes people need to feel other things.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, of course, but I was just going under utilitarianism.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know that...
SPEAKER_2: I give a shit about utilitarianism.
SPEAKER_4: Neither do I.
SPEAKER_3: Wow, finally someone said it.
SPEAKER_4: I can't believe no one else has said that ever until this exact point.
SPEAKER_2: God, exactly, right?
SPEAKER_2: If you really want to feel like, hey, fuck utilitarianism, watch The Good Place.
SPEAKER_2: But the thing is about this is we need to use the feelings gun strategically to make people's arguments about, oh yeah, logic, logic, logic.
SPEAKER_2: We need to make them break down.
SPEAKER_4: What if we make...
SPEAKER_2: So I'm talking like snipers with a feeling gun in the middle of like university talks where they're just like, and actually this shows that feelings don't matter.
SPEAKER_2: And just start crying in the middle of the presentation.
SPEAKER_2: And that's how we prove that feelings matter.
SPEAKER_4: UBC invites Megan Murphy to talk again back at their campus.
SPEAKER_4: And we set up the sniper in order to make Megan Murphy feel empathy.
SPEAKER_2: Wow, I wonder if she's ever felt that before.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I feel that that's a good use of this.
SPEAKER_2: But how do we convince the general everyday person that logic and feelings are really intertwined other than explaining this whole thing to them or shooting them with a feelings gun?
SPEAKER_4: What if we just draw a Venn diagram and there's just logic and feelings and it's just a circle?
SPEAKER_2: And it's a graph so people know that it's legit.
SPEAKER_4: If you animate it, that's how you know it's real.
SPEAKER_2: Can we make it infographic?
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, we're gonna make it infographic.
SPEAKER_2: If we make it infographic, everyone will put it on Facebook?
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, and you know it's real if it's on Facebook.
SPEAKER_2: And it's an infographic.
SPEAKER_4: Facebook never lets lies get spread.
SPEAKER_2: And certainly not in the form of infographics.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, definitely not in the form of infographics.
SPEAKER_2: This is brilliant.
SPEAKER_2: It's just like we should just launch an overall campaign.
SPEAKER_4: I think, okay, wait, wait, wait.
SPEAKER_2: On social media.
SPEAKER_4: I think I have some exposure in my closet.
SPEAKER_4: Which artist are we hiring?
SPEAKER_4: I think I can pay them some exposure.
SPEAKER_2: We can hire our friends to do it and pay them an exposure because we're bad friends.
SPEAKER_2: Or we can get Banksy to do it.
SPEAKER_2: People like Banksy.
SPEAKER_2: He does things for the exposure.
SPEAKER_4: Do we know who Banksy is?
SPEAKER_4: Did we ever figure it out?
SPEAKER_2: No one knows who Banksy is, but I bet we could find out.
SPEAKER_2: I bet if we were like, hey Banksy, do you want to make us an infocrat?
SPEAKER_4: We have some exposure.
SPEAKER_4: Your favorite thing.
SPEAKER_2: Do you want to make us an infographic about how logic and feelings are intertwined?
SPEAKER_4: What's the Banksy image of this?
SPEAKER_4: Is it just like a bear hugging like a tree or something?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, or it's like...
SPEAKER_4: It's a brain, and the brain is licking a popsicle.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, I know what it is.
SPEAKER_2: It's a brain, but a heart is exploding out of the brain.
SPEAKER_4: It's so deep.
SPEAKER_2: It's so deep, if you think about it.
SPEAKER_2: Logic and feelings are connected.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, Banksy has fucking done it again.
SPEAKER_4: Wow, $6.5 million on the auction.
SPEAKER_4: Art is resistance.
SPEAKER_4: I'm so glad that we've conveyed that logic and feelings are actually just the same thing.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, there's no such thing as logic without feelings.
SPEAKER_2: There's no such thing as feelings without logic, and therefore, they're always the same.
SPEAKER_2: They're completely indistinguishable.
SPEAKER_2: There's no meaning of either of the terms.
SPEAKER_2: Let's just call it brains with a Z.
SPEAKER_4: Logic, lilings.
SPEAKER_4: I'm all up in my lilings.
SPEAKER_2: I'm all up in my lilings in my brains.
SPEAKER_4: Do you want to take us out with the last one?
SPEAKER_2: Take us both out, please.
SPEAKER_4: End this.
SPEAKER_3: Please, get the sniper.
SPEAKER_2: That's a little...
SPEAKER_3: Please, I want to feel empathy, Brianna.
SPEAKER_3: It's been 10 billion years.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_2: You know what takes a lot of lilings?
SPEAKER_2: Is being able to do pointless things in video games.
SPEAKER_2: So, like, speedrunning exists, and speedrunning is cool, but then you find things, if you're me and you're going down speedrunning rabbit holes, you find things that go beyond speedruns.
SPEAKER_2: Into just weird ways to complete games.
SPEAKER_2: The most famous one.
SPEAKER_2: I'm going to link this in the episode description because I need everyone who hasn't seen it to watch it.
SPEAKER_2: Half an A press.
SPEAKER_1: Watch for Rolling Rocks.
SPEAKER_1: Boom, it rules.
SPEAKER_2: It's so good.
SPEAKER_2: Now we have to talk about parallel universes.
SPEAKER_3: What?
SPEAKER_1: Have you seen it?
SPEAKER_3: What?
SPEAKER_3: No.
SPEAKER_2: At one point in the video, he's like, because first we have to talk about parallel universes.
SPEAKER_2: So the half an A press video is very good.
SPEAKER_2: It's not the only one like it, though.
SPEAKER_2: It's one of the best.
SPEAKER_2: I would highly, highly recommend checking it out.
SPEAKER_2: You will be like, okay, this is a 20-minute video.
SPEAKER_2: What the hell is this?
SPEAKER_2: And they'll be watching and be like, oh my God, this makes so much sense.
SPEAKER_2: But it's all pointless.
SPEAKER_2: But it's all so interesting.
SPEAKER_2: The other one that I really enjoy watching is I watch some YouTubers who do stuff like coinless runs of Super Mario games, where they try to get through a specific Mario game without ever collecting a coin.
SPEAKER_2: Some games it's possible, some games it's not.
SPEAKER_2: And it's always really interesting to me to try and beat games in ways that they are fully not intended to be beaten, to have these secondary conditions to beating a game.
SPEAKER_2: And the ways that people often do it are often quite creative, right?
SPEAKER_2: It's like using the way that the character moves in such a way that you're able to get around a specific thing that you're just supposed to pick up.
SPEAKER_2: How are we weirdly completing a game, Clair?
SPEAKER_2: And what game is it?
SPEAKER_4: So we've both picked up Pokemon recently.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, we found a way, we found a way!
SPEAKER_4: We found a way to work it in.
SPEAKER_4: So we both picked up Pokemon recently.
SPEAKER_2: Pokemon has a great example of an existing format for completing it in ways that it's not intended to be completed, which is the Nuzlocke.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, I mean, I totally forgot that Nuzlocke is definitely a way to complete something for people who don't know what a Nuzlocke is.
SPEAKER_4: If you've played Pokemon and don't know what a Nuzlocke is, if you faint in the game, you faint in real life.
SPEAKER_2: If you faint in the game, the Pokemon quote unquote dies, and you can't use it anymore.
SPEAKER_4: And you have to release it.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_4: And then also if your entire team faints, you lose, and you have to just delete the save file.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, and there's some other restrictions that make it harder.
SPEAKER_2: You can only catch one Pokemon in this area.
SPEAKER_4: So when we say completing Pokemon, are we saying do the eight gems and do the champion?
SPEAKER_4: Like, is that completing?
SPEAKER_2: Yes, it is.
SPEAKER_2: It's, at least by Nuzlocke rules, it is.
SPEAKER_2: And by generally, like, yes, we're talking about defeating the champion, getting through the Elite Four, et cetera.
SPEAKER_4: Cool.
SPEAKER_2: I have had a great idea.
SPEAKER_2: We just have to beat Pokemon without using any Pokemon.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_4: So, like, when you first start the game, and they're like, don't go in the tall grass.
SPEAKER_4: You don't.
SPEAKER_4: Because you don't have any Pokemon.
SPEAKER_4: You just know you don't ever go in the tall grass, and you just, like, punch everything with your bare hands.
SPEAKER_2: So it's you first have to clip past the tall grass.
SPEAKER_2: You're gonna have to clip past a lot of things.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, but every time...
SPEAKER_4: Oh, excuse me, behind you.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah, just go through the tall...
SPEAKER_2: I mean, it's even easier in the new Pokemon.
SPEAKER_2: It's even easier in Sword and Shield, because you can just never encounter a Pokemon.
SPEAKER_4: That's true.
SPEAKER_4: Because here's the thing, in the new Pokemon, the champion's just there.
SPEAKER_4: And so what you do is, like, the champion comes up to you, and it's like, here's your Pokemon, choose your starter Pokemon, and you go, I choose my fist, and you punch the champion, and you steal his cape, and then you're the champion.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a really good...
SPEAKER_4: And that's the end of the game.
SPEAKER_2: That's the end of the game.
SPEAKER_4: You did it.
SPEAKER_2: That's a really good speedruns, Travis.
SPEAKER_4: What's a different game?
SPEAKER_2: Um, yeah, what is a different game?
SPEAKER_2: There's lots of games.
SPEAKER_2: How would you create complete Sonic in a weird way?
SPEAKER_4: Okay, so this is the thing.
SPEAKER_4: I've never actually completed a Sonic game other than Sonic Adventures 2, which is not like your normal Sonic game.
SPEAKER_2: Let's talk Sonic Adventures 2.
SPEAKER_2: And by Sonic Adventures 2, of course, I mean Sonic Adventure 2, which is actually the name of it.
SPEAKER_4: Sonic Adventures 2 is a great game, and I love how much it bugs Brianna.
SPEAKER_4: I like Sonic Adventure 2.
SPEAKER_4: I love Sonic Adventures 2, too.
SPEAKER_4: You can hear it.
SPEAKER_4: It's great.
SPEAKER_4: It hurts.
SPEAKER_3: It hurts me.
SPEAKER_4: So I think in Sonic Adventures 2...
SPEAKER_4: So the rest of the podcast is me just saying this title over and over again, hurting Brianna.
SPEAKER_4: But you play as different characters.
SPEAKER_4: You play as Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Shadow, what is the bat's name?
SPEAKER_4: Rouge.
SPEAKER_2: Eggman?
SPEAKER_2: Don't you play as Eggman?
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, you do play as Eggman.
SPEAKER_2: In Dark Story.
SPEAKER_4: And the robot.
SPEAKER_4: You play as the robot as well, right?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, E-102.
SPEAKER_2: I think that's Omega.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, Omega.
SPEAKER_4: That was it.
SPEAKER_4: Where were those numbers?
SPEAKER_4: You just pulled numbers out of nowhere.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know that those are the right numbers.
SPEAKER_2: But it is like an E-10 something.
SPEAKER_2: Listen, I know a lot about Sonic.
SPEAKER_4: You know Sonic Adventures 2 and Sadden Out.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, Omega is a recurring character in the Sonic series.
SPEAKER_4: That's true.
SPEAKER_2: Anyway, point is, so you play as multiple characters.
SPEAKER_4: But what if you don't?
SPEAKER_2: What if you just play as one of them?
SPEAKER_4: What if you have to find the glitch that lets you play only as Tails?
SPEAKER_2: Ooh, I like this.
SPEAKER_2: Because see, people would think that you would just play as Sonic.
SPEAKER_2: That's too easy.
SPEAKER_4: Too easy.
SPEAKER_2: Too easy.
SPEAKER_2: You gotta play as Tails only.
SPEAKER_2: And Tails is like in a mech in this game, right?
SPEAKER_4: So you know all these games like Tails' Symphonia, Tails' Vesperia, none of them are actually like games that are about anything other than Tails from Sonic the Hedgehog.
SPEAKER_2: What if you could play as Tails in every game?
SPEAKER_4: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, this is a new run.
SPEAKER_4: It's like Mario, but you play as Tails.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, in every game, you play as Tails' Miles Prowler.
SPEAKER_4: Damn, you know all of his names.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, I know his name because his name is ridiculous because his full name is Miles Prowler, which is meant to be a pun on miles per hour.
SPEAKER_2: Tails Miles Prowler Fox.
SPEAKER_2: How fast is Tails Miles Prowler?
SPEAKER_2: 69 miles per hour.
SPEAKER_4: Nice.
SPEAKER_2: But yeah, you have to play as Tails in every game, and it can be Tails in different forms.
SPEAKER_2: You can have Tails in the mech that he's in in Sonic Adventure 2, or you could have Tails in the form that he's in in literally every other Sonic game because the only game where Tails is in a mech is Sonic Adventure 2, and they never repeat that for some reason.
SPEAKER_2: Tails in a plane.
SPEAKER_2: They do have Tails in a plane sometimes.
SPEAKER_2: So you can play things like Pilotwings or whatever.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, damn.
SPEAKER_2: But your Tails.
SPEAKER_4: Tails should be in Smash.
SPEAKER_2: Tails should be in Smash, genuinely.
SPEAKER_2: Can you imagine a move set for Tails?
SPEAKER_2: What?
SPEAKER_4: But in the mech.
SPEAKER_4: Final Smash is the mech.
SPEAKER_2: Final Smash is the mech.
SPEAKER_2: That makes sense.
SPEAKER_2: I think that this is really good because then you get games like, you know, we talked about Master Chief earlier.
SPEAKER_2: Master Chief was the other one who was in our crew that we forgot about.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: He was off doing Master Chief things.
SPEAKER_4: He's never that reliable.
SPEAKER_4: He left the franchise for like an entire game.
SPEAKER_2: Which is why we don't need him anymore because we have Tails in Halo.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Tails has a gun now.
SPEAKER_4: Tails of Halo.
SPEAKER_4: The new...
SPEAKER_4: Why am I forgetting the company that makes Tails of Symphonia?
SPEAKER_4: It's like Ark.
SPEAKER_4: Arcus?
SPEAKER_2: Sure.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Arceus?
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, it's Arceus, the Pokemon.
SPEAKER_2: I can't wait for Tails to be in Pokemon.
SPEAKER_4: Not only did Arceus make all the Pokemon, Arceus made all the video games.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, that makes sense.
SPEAKER_2: Also, Tails is in Pokemon now, which is maybe a better way to complete the Pokemon.
SPEAKER_3: So is Tails the trainer or the Pokemon?
SPEAKER_2: Tails is both.
SPEAKER_2: Tails is like...
SPEAKER_3: Okay, so Tails is the trainer, and you have a team of all Tails, and this is how you complete Pokemon.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_4: And it's seven Tails going up to the champion and beating him up, taking his cape, and then sitting on the throne.
SPEAKER_2: And they're all just like, Hi, Sonic!
SPEAKER_1: Hi, Sonic!
SPEAKER_3: Hi, Sonic!
SPEAKER_1: Hi, Sonic!
SPEAKER_2: Any other really good games for Tails to be in?
SPEAKER_2: I mean, he's in all of them now.
SPEAKER_4: He's in all of the games.
SPEAKER_2: So, is there any others that you'd like to spotlight the Tails run for?
SPEAKER_4: So, maybe like what...
SPEAKER_4: You know in Sonic Adventures 2 where you would...
SPEAKER_4: Sonic Adventures 2, where you...
SPEAKER_1: I don't know why.
SPEAKER_1: It doesn't make sense.
SPEAKER_4: Because there's multiple adventures.
SPEAKER_3: They're all going on adventures.
SPEAKER_4: They're all going on fun adventures, and they're having friend time.
SPEAKER_3: There's many different adventures.
SPEAKER_2: They're missions in one adventure.
SPEAKER_2: It's a story about an adventure, but I will admit there is Sonic Adventure and also Sonic Adventure 2, so that is two adventures.
SPEAKER_3: There's two adventures, at the least.
SPEAKER_2: I understand, but that's also not how subtitles work.
SPEAKER_2: Anyway, point is...
SPEAKER_3: What were you saying?
SPEAKER_4: There's Chao Garden in Sonic Adventure 2, and so you can go in as Tails.
SPEAKER_4: So what if you speed run getting your perfect Chao?
SPEAKER_2: Right.
SPEAKER_2: That seems possible.
SPEAKER_4: Where you just, like, you feed it lion.
SPEAKER_4: There's, like, lion DNA you can feed in that game or whatever.
SPEAKER_3: I don't know.
SPEAKER_4: There's, like, elephant and leopard and demon and angel.
SPEAKER_2: Oh yeah, all the animals.
SPEAKER_2: Demon, elephant, leopard, bat, demon, angel, tiger.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, and I just...
SPEAKER_4: The reason I want Sonic Adventure 2 to come up, you're like, yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_4: The reason I want SA2 to, like...
SPEAKER_1: Okay, we found it.
SPEAKER_2: We found it.
SPEAKER_4: Sa-Satu.
SPEAKER_4: The reason I want Saatu's mechanics in other games is really just Chao Garden.
SPEAKER_2: Chao Garden is really, really good.
SPEAKER_4: Because it's, like, you can make them little angel elephants or demon elephants or angel leopards or whatever, but this has never returned.
SPEAKER_4: I want Chao Garden back, and I want it in every game.
SPEAKER_2: So what if Tails is just followed around by Chao in every game?
SPEAKER_2: He has the Chao crew.
SPEAKER_4: It's Chao time.
SPEAKER_2: It's Chao time for Tails.
SPEAKER_4: And then he eats the champion?
SPEAKER_2: Nah, he eats wonderful curry in the new game Pokemon Sword and Shield.
SPEAKER_4: Sour, precooked beef burger curry.
SPEAKER_2: Yep, Tails' favorite.
SPEAKER_4: It's my favorite curry.
SPEAKER_2: Are you Tails?
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, I'm Tails.
SPEAKER_2: Wow, Tails is in reality, too.
SPEAKER_2: You can now play as Tails, and if you're Clair.
SPEAKER_4: I play as Tails every day of my life.
SPEAKER_4: Do you want to end the life now?
SPEAKER_4: Like, end by life, I mean podcast?
SPEAKER_2: I was trying to find a segue into the end, but I'm too sick to do it.
SPEAKER_2: Blessed listeners, Clair has had to cut out so many coughs this entire podcast.
SPEAKER_2: You should send her messages.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, if she doesn't leave them all in, you should send her messages thanking her for cutting out all of the coughs.
SPEAKER_4: I'm just gonna leave in one cough.
SPEAKER_2: Just one?
SPEAKER_2: Just one.
SPEAKER_2: And you're gonna have to search for it.
SPEAKER_4: It's gonna be the softest cough.
SPEAKER_4: The soft.
SPEAKER_2: It's the cough right before I die from the consumption, which I assume is what I have right now, because it certainly feels that fucking way.
SPEAKER_4: It's the cough that infected you from Sonic Adventures 2.
SPEAKER_4: If you want to find us on the social medias, you can go and search us at Salt Cravings on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.
SPEAKER_2: You can also find our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash salt cravings.
SPEAKER_2: You can give us a dollar right now.
SPEAKER_4: I mean, you can give us any amount.
SPEAKER_2: Right now we have a dollar a month.
SPEAKER_4: Basically right now it's a thank you.
SPEAKER_2: Right now it's a thank you.
SPEAKER_2: At some point we will probably...
SPEAKER_4: We'll have more.
SPEAKER_2: We will look at setting up some actual levels for you to donate at.
SPEAKER_4: But until then, you can give us a rating on iTunes or Stitcher.
SPEAKER_2: And you can also submit your cravings to submissions at saltcravings.com.
SPEAKER_2: We would love to hear from you.
SPEAKER_2: We would love to get your cravings.
SPEAKER_2: Otherwise, I'll just keep going off about Star Wars.
SPEAKER_4: Listen, it's just going to be a Star Wars podcast from now unless you start setting in cravings.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, Clair, what if I just have a Star Wars podcast?
SPEAKER_4: Every single episode.
SPEAKER_2: What if this is just a Star Wars podcast?
SPEAKER_2: Salt Cravings, the Star Wars podcast.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, Clair, it can just be a podcast.
SPEAKER_4: This is the new universe.
SPEAKER_4: So the new canon is Boba Fett never died, and this is just a Boba Fett fan cast.
SPEAKER_2: Yay, it's all about Boba Fett.
SPEAKER_2: And in closing, I would like to say...
SPEAKER_4: Oh, God.
SPEAKER_2: The digital Yoda in Revenge of the Sith returns to the original trilogy's puppets and its adaptable design.
SPEAKER_2: As seen in shots of Yoda plummeting to the Senate, it's a fantastic work.