SPEAKER_2: Hello, and welcome to Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: My name is Clair.
SPEAKER_1: And my name's Brianna.
SPEAKER_2: Normally, we do a fun little bit at the top, but I'm going to use this opportunity for a chance for you to help out with what's going on in both local and international news.
SPEAKER_2: If you've been paying attention to the bushfires happening in Australia, those are intense.
SPEAKER_2: There's been a lot of damage and harm done to communities and wildlife there.
SPEAKER_2: And there's going to be a link in the description if you want to help donate to fire relief for some of the First Nation communities there.
SPEAKER_2: The second thing is a little bit of a more local happening in what's colonially known as British Columbia.
SPEAKER_2: The Wet'suwet'en Nation has issued an eviction notice to Coastal Gaslink.
SPEAKER_2: And unfortunately, while they have left for now, they have openly said that they are going to return.
SPEAKER_1: And almost certainly with the support of police.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, the wild thing is that the UN itself has now issued a statement telling Trans Mountain, Site C, and LNG pipeline to stop.
SPEAKER_2: This is not the first time they've told Site C to stop.
SPEAKER_2: It is the first time for the other two.
SPEAKER_2: So I guess that's a little more international than not, but it still is very close.
SPEAKER_2: And if you can help out by taking supplies or whatever, that would be great.
SPEAKER_2: But again, there is going to be a donation to the Raven Trust to help the Wetsuan Nation out in terms of legal battles that are currently ensuing with the state.
SPEAKER_1: Things are messy in the world right now.
SPEAKER_2: There's a lot of bad things.
SPEAKER_2: So we appreciate you coming to our little corner, our little comedy corner, and listening to our little intro.
SPEAKER_2: Let's do some show.
SPEAKER_2: So Brianna, what's your craving?
SPEAKER_1: Well, so my first craving, we have not, something that we have not done in a while.
SPEAKER_2: Oh?
SPEAKER_1: Is just a straight up and down food craving.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so first you crave up and then you crave down?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, but only in a straight way.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_2: Sorry, do you crave food in like a not straight way?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Do you wanna fuck a turkey sandwich?
SPEAKER_1: Well, I'm not a turkey sandwich, so that would be, you know, that's not my gender.
SPEAKER_2: So if you were a turkey sandwich, it would be okay to fuck a turkey sandwich.
SPEAKER_1: Yes.
SPEAKER_2: How do you fuck a turkey sandwich as a turkey sandwich?
SPEAKER_2: Is it just you are half a slice of bread?
SPEAKER_1: You could probably like, I don't know, like how do lesbians have sex, you know?
SPEAKER_2: What?
SPEAKER_1: It's basically the same thing.
SPEAKER_2: Sorry, what is you craving?
SPEAKER_2: Please get us away.
SPEAKER_1: Cookie dough ice cream.
SPEAKER_2: Just like how lesbians have sex, cookie dough ice cream.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, just like how lesbians have sex, cookie dough ice cream.
SPEAKER_1: Listen, you know what the similarity between those two things are?
SPEAKER_1: Make me feel good.
SPEAKER_4: Anyway, let's talk about ice cream.
SPEAKER_1: I really like ice cream.
SPEAKER_1: And I think my favorite flavor of ice cream is cookie dough ice cream.
SPEAKER_1: I will have it all year round.
SPEAKER_1: I don't care that it is the middle of winter right now.
SPEAKER_1: I would have cookie dough ice cream this god damn minute.
SPEAKER_1: It's so tasty.
SPEAKER_1: It's so good.
SPEAKER_1: I love cookie dough ice cream and I crave it all the time.
SPEAKER_1: I don't have any right now because it's actually not, A, it's not the most common of flavors.
SPEAKER_1: It's up there, most common as one of those.
SPEAKER_2: I feel like it's risen in popularity.
SPEAKER_1: I think it has risen in popularity, though I think it kind of as a trend is kind of lessened.
SPEAKER_2: I'm curious when it first was invented, 1984.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, so like, it's pretty recent.
SPEAKER_1: Pretty recent, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I'm, listen, I'm glad that whoever invented it in 1984 did that, because it's so tasty.
SPEAKER_1: I really, really like cookie dough ice cream.
SPEAKER_1: I don't have any on me right now, because I'm trying to eat a little bit healthier.
SPEAKER_2: But I mean, look, ice cream, you got your dairy, cookie dough, you got your grains or whatever.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, yay, yay, yay.
SPEAKER_2: You're basically there.
SPEAKER_2: You're basically to like a turkey sandwich almost.
SPEAKER_2: All you got to do is add meat to your ice cream and you're good.
SPEAKER_2: Chicken cookie dough ice cream.
SPEAKER_2: It's the next stage.
SPEAKER_1: Yummy, I love that.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, but also like I've never been a fan of cookie dough ice cream, not for any good reason.
SPEAKER_2: I like it.
SPEAKER_2: I don't want to be like, it's a bad flavor.
SPEAKER_2: It's a good flavor.
SPEAKER_2: But having like a chef for a father, whenever he would be baking, he didn't eat cookie dough.
SPEAKER_2: Icing, sure.
SPEAKER_2: Right, that's okay.
SPEAKER_2: But if it has eggs in it, if it had eggs in it, no, absolutely not.
SPEAKER_2: Really?
SPEAKER_2: And he would tell me that, because he would hand me like the spatula or whatever to lick.
SPEAKER_2: But if he was making something with eggs in it, he'd be like, this has eggs in it, so you can't.
SPEAKER_2: And then he put it in the sink.
SPEAKER_2: So like, whenever I'm eating cookie dough ice cream, all I'm thinking is, I'm gonna fucking die of salmonella.
SPEAKER_2: Like, it's the only thing in my head.
SPEAKER_1: That's fair.
SPEAKER_1: I will say cookie dough ice cream traditionally not made with things that can kill you.
SPEAKER_2: So, we need a cookie dough ice cream that can, because that's more fun.
SPEAKER_2: This is not...
SPEAKER_1: I was gonna say, it's sort of like Russian roulette, but with cookie dough.
SPEAKER_2: Like, this is the...
SPEAKER_1: I mean, listen, if I wanted any food to take me out, it would be cookie dough ice cream.
SPEAKER_2: Exactly, death by cookie dough ice cream.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so what are we putting in the cookie dough ice cream?
SPEAKER_2: Cyanide.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, great, that's what I thought you were gonna say.
SPEAKER_2: It tastes like peanuts.
SPEAKER_1: We don't have to make a craving that kills people.
SPEAKER_1: We don't have to solve a craving with something that kills people.
SPEAKER_1: We don't have to.
SPEAKER_2: Only sometimes.
SPEAKER_1: Only sometimes.
SPEAKER_1: So, I wanted to ask, how are we gonna make the best cookie dough ice cream?
SPEAKER_1: Cause like, I've had some...
SPEAKER_2: What's the cookie?
SPEAKER_2: Like, what is the cookie that we're making?
SPEAKER_1: Right, cause I've had some other variations on cookie dough ice cream.
SPEAKER_1: I think I've had cookie dough and like peanut butter, like peanut butter chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.
SPEAKER_2: Chocolate ice cream with like peanut butter cookie dough?
SPEAKER_1: It was more like, you know, it was cookie dough with some peanut butter things in it and also some chocolate chips.
SPEAKER_2: Okay.
SPEAKER_1: It was very tasty.
SPEAKER_2: This sounds like a good candy.
SPEAKER_1: It was extremely good.
SPEAKER_1: In order to create the best cookie dough ice cream, we need to decide what the best cookie is.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, well, I just wanna like throw this into the ring, just as a contender.
SPEAKER_2: So like my favorite like Neapolitan flavor, if we're going for like the classic three is strawberry.
SPEAKER_2: What if like a strawberry ice cream with a shortbread cookie dough?
SPEAKER_1: Huh, but is that cookie dough?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Shortbread?
SPEAKER_1: Ah, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: It's a cookie.
SPEAKER_2: It is a cookie.
SPEAKER_2: Are you arguing that shortbread's not a cookie?
SPEAKER_1: No.
SPEAKER_2: Then there we go.
SPEAKER_1: It's just called shortbread and that throws me off a little bit, but I do, I have shortbread cookies in my house right now.
SPEAKER_2: Look, we have longbread and then we have shortbread.
SPEAKER_2: If the bread, at a certain point, the bread becomes a cookie.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, the shorter the bread, the more cookie it is.
SPEAKER_2: You have like a graph, the X, Y coordinate.
SPEAKER_2: It's like cookie bread instead of X and Y.
SPEAKER_2: And we just, it's like a linear line.
SPEAKER_1: A linear line, as opposed to a non-linear line.
SPEAKER_2: Well, yeah, like a quadratic line.
SPEAKER_2: Or like a logarithmic line.
SPEAKER_1: It's weird that linear.
SPEAKER_1: It's weird that linear has line in it when not all lines are linear.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, if you take the derivative.
SPEAKER_1: But if you think about it, it's kind of fucked up, right?
SPEAKER_1: What?
SPEAKER_1: It's kind of fucked up that like linear has line in it, even though not all lines are linear.
SPEAKER_2: Linear doesn't have line in it.
SPEAKER_1: It does.
SPEAKER_1: L-I-N-E-A-R.
SPEAKER_1: I know what I'm talking about.
SPEAKER_2: I can't spell.
SPEAKER_1: That's fine.
SPEAKER_1: This is really showing our two different skills.
SPEAKER_2: You are both the spelling expert and the math expert.
SPEAKER_1: You're the funny expert.
SPEAKER_2: And apparently the non-linear line expert.
SPEAKER_1: Definitely you are.
SPEAKER_2: So we have like the shortest bread ever, right?
SPEAKER_2: It's the most cookie we can go.
SPEAKER_2: It's microscopic at this point.
SPEAKER_2: So like, is it just ice cream with a hint of cookie?
SPEAKER_2: Cause it's the smallest cookie you can get.
SPEAKER_2: It has all the flavor of a normal cookie, but it's like the size of a pin drop.
SPEAKER_1: Is this like one of your bites?
SPEAKER_2: Cookies for concentrate.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, right?
SPEAKER_1: Like one of your bites is all cookie.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Every other bite is just ice cream.
SPEAKER_2: You know when you buy ramen and the ramen packs come with like flavoring?
SPEAKER_2: It's like that.
SPEAKER_2: You get the ice cream, but on top is just this tiny cookie part where you have to shake it up.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, you shake it up.
SPEAKER_2: And sort of crumble it on top.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Actually, hey, some like cookie crumbs on a cookie dough ice cream, that'd be sick.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that'd be really good.
SPEAKER_1: The reason why the shortbread threw me off is cause you were combining it with strawberry, and I was like, that's strawberry shortcake.
SPEAKER_2: Exactly!
SPEAKER_5: But that's not a cookie.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, but like, what is cookie dough ice cream?
SPEAKER_2: Right?
SPEAKER_2: It's just ice cream with cookie dough in it.
SPEAKER_2: It's not itself a cookie.
SPEAKER_1: Right, but a shortcake is not a cookie.
SPEAKER_2: Shortbread in an ice cream?
SPEAKER_1: But what is strawberry and shortbread?
SPEAKER_1: Those two don't mix.
SPEAKER_1: You're just using the word short twice.
SPEAKER_2: It's double short.
SPEAKER_1: It's double short.
SPEAKER_2: It's my double shortcake.
SPEAKER_1: It's your double shortcake cookie.
SPEAKER_1: Let's go through a list of cookies and decide whether or not they would be good as cookie dough ice cream.
SPEAKER_1: The answer's probably gonna be yes for all of them.
SPEAKER_2: Mint chocolate.
SPEAKER_4: No.
SPEAKER_2: Okay.
SPEAKER_4: I'm anti-mint.
SPEAKER_2: Wow, okay, well.
SPEAKER_1: I'm the mint hater.
SPEAKER_2: Like those like girl guide cookies though that are like, or after it.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, they're fine.
SPEAKER_2: After it, they're mint and chocolate.
SPEAKER_1: They're fine.
SPEAKER_2: They're like, you know, you bite it.
SPEAKER_1: Chocolate and mint being together is the only way to make mint tolerable, and even then, it's only tolerable.
SPEAKER_2: Well, I want mint chocolate chip cookie ice cream.
SPEAKER_1: I'll let you have that one.
SPEAKER_2: That's the one I get.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that's yours.
SPEAKER_2: What's yours?
SPEAKER_1: I love me that classic chocolate chip cookie dough.
SPEAKER_2: We had endless possibilities.
SPEAKER_2: And you chose the normie one.
SPEAKER_1: I couldn't think of a good one.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, no, I super can think of a good one, which is like double chocolate chip.
SPEAKER_4: That's just the same thing, but like more.
SPEAKER_1: It's like full on chocolate.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, okay, so it's like chocolate ice cream.
SPEAKER_1: Chocolate dough with chocolate chips and chocolate chunks and all that.
SPEAKER_1: It's good.
SPEAKER_1: Since we're in the post holiday, my mind is still on some Christmas baking and cookies.
SPEAKER_1: So like, what about a ginger snap cookie dough ice cream?
SPEAKER_2: Or like cinnamon ice cream with like cinnamon cookies.
SPEAKER_2: I guess we're just pairing them up at this point.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that's all right.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, but like, I'm still caught up on the shortbread.
SPEAKER_2: I just think shortbread has a good texture.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, I'm gonna admit something to you, Clair.
SPEAKER_1: I don't really like shortbread all that much.
SPEAKER_5: Wow, wow.
SPEAKER_1: The texture is not great.
SPEAKER_2: You hate, I can't believe you hate all the foods that I am suggesting.
SPEAKER_1: We just have such different food tastes.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, the thing is like, I'm not a big fan of chocolate ice cream or like chocolate in general.
SPEAKER_1: I love chocolate.
SPEAKER_2: But like mint, if you introduce mint to the chocolate, it's fine.
SPEAKER_1: It like ruins the chocolate.
SPEAKER_1: It like makes the chocolate worse.
SPEAKER_1: It's just bringing down the chocolate because you put a sinful thing in there.
SPEAKER_2: I really like mint.
SPEAKER_1: That's fair, I don't.
SPEAKER_2: Lemon.
SPEAKER_1: Ooh, lemon cookies.
SPEAKER_2: Like, is it lemon ice cream?
SPEAKER_2: And like what are the combos?
SPEAKER_2: Like maybe we have like a cinnamon cookie and a lemon ice cream.
SPEAKER_1: Right.
SPEAKER_2: Or here we go, turkey ice cream cookie.
SPEAKER_2: Or turkey ice cream like sandwich.
SPEAKER_2: Turkey ice cream sandwich.
SPEAKER_2: How does a turkey ice cream sandwich fuck?
SPEAKER_1: I don't want to know.
SPEAKER_1: And I think we're done here.
SPEAKER_1: You've ruined cookie dough ice cream for me.
SPEAKER_2: After they give you the cold shoulder.
SPEAKER_1: I think we're done here.
SPEAKER_1: I think you've ruined cookie dough ice cream for me.
SPEAKER_1: I no longer am craving it because you brought turkey into it.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, look, that's fair.
SPEAKER_1: This is why we don't do food cravings.
SPEAKER_1: It's because we have such different food tastes that the only direction we can go is absurdity.
SPEAKER_2: Maybe I'll bring onions next time.
SPEAKER_1: You want to start a fight?
SPEAKER_2: Onion ice cream.
SPEAKER_1: You want to start a fight, Clair?
SPEAKER_2: It's just a raw.
SPEAKER_2: It's a raw onion in just some ice cream.
SPEAKER_2: Just like, you know how you like have balls of ice cream, right?
SPEAKER_5: It's just two onions, stacked on top of each other in an ice cream cone.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, congrats, Clair.
SPEAKER_1: You've made a food I hate the most.
SPEAKER_1: You want to sprinkle some mushrooms on there too?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, but you crumble up the mushrooms in the onion ice cream, the onion flavored ice cream.
SPEAKER_1: Listen, if you crumble up the mushrooms, I actually may be fine with it, because it's the texture that bothers me.
SPEAKER_2: Crunchy mushrooms, dried mushrooms.
SPEAKER_1: I'd try it.
SPEAKER_1: Do you want to give me a craving since mine's gone now and I never want to eat again?
SPEAKER_1: No, no, it's fine.
SPEAKER_4: No, we can make it great.
SPEAKER_1: Can we?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I'll get the turkey.
SPEAKER_2: I'll go to the store real quick.
SPEAKER_1: Give me your fucking craving.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, this kind of relates to the intro.
SPEAKER_2: I've been craving rain, which is weird, because I live in Vancouver, where it rains a lot.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it was raining the other night, very much.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I know.
SPEAKER_1: I had to go out and collect wet...
SPEAKER_1: Okay, I'm sorry to interrupt your craving.
SPEAKER_1: I need to complain about Kitsilano for a second.
SPEAKER_1: So the whole thing about Vancouver is you have little bags for your recycling, or at least in my area of Vancouver, right?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you have blue bags or bins?
SPEAKER_1: You have bins for your compost and garbage, and then you have little bags and a bin for various types of recycling.
SPEAKER_1: We have a small bin and then two bags for cardboard, and then another bin for glass and stuff.
SPEAKER_1: The cardboard bags, or really any of it, if it's overfilled, they just won't take it.
SPEAKER_1: They just won't take the things from in it.
SPEAKER_1: And we, because it was post-Christmas, had a lot of cardboard, so it was pretty much full, right?
SPEAKER_1: But not overfull.
SPEAKER_1: We put it out and they didn't take it because some motherfuckers in Kitsilano came by and stacked their cardboard on top of our bags because they wanted to get rid of it and therefore none of it got taken away.
SPEAKER_1: So we had to go collect all of the wet days old cardboard and bring it out from where it was because if we didn't, they wouldn't take it.
SPEAKER_2: It just sounds like they shouldn't be too picky about it.
SPEAKER_2: Like you're giving them a gift, right?
SPEAKER_2: Like here's a little box, here's a tiny little box of cardboard.
SPEAKER_2: Here's some extra cardboard.
SPEAKER_5: Take it.
SPEAKER_2: Take it, take it, take it.
SPEAKER_5: It's for you.
SPEAKER_1: Sorry for interrupting.
SPEAKER_1: I've just been very mad about this.
SPEAKER_2: So I really want globally more rain because like, and I often want rain in the summer.
SPEAKER_2: So maybe I'm just getting this out of the way.
SPEAKER_2: I just want more rain to happen.
SPEAKER_2: I've been craving rain, but like good rain.
SPEAKER_1: I agree.
SPEAKER_1: I don't actually want more rain.
SPEAKER_1: I want rain more evenly spaced throughout the year.
SPEAKER_2: Exactly, exactly.
SPEAKER_1: Because when you're in the winter, you're like, man, fuck rain.
SPEAKER_1: This sucks.
SPEAKER_2: Unless you're anywhere else besides Vancouver, in which case...
SPEAKER_1: When you're in Vancouver, you're like, man, this rain is terrible.
SPEAKER_1: It's all the time.
SPEAKER_1: It is constant.
SPEAKER_1: It's hard to get around.
SPEAKER_1: Everything sucks.
SPEAKER_1: But when you're in the summer and everything is on fire, you kind of want some rain.
SPEAKER_1: You want rain.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, so like, it'd be nice to have rain.
SPEAKER_2: How are we getting rain?
SPEAKER_1: So we simply have to take the rain from the winter and move it to the summer.
SPEAKER_1: Now, we've done some weather fuckery before, so I want to look at some time fuckery.
SPEAKER_2: What if?
SPEAKER_2: So you get as many people as you can to just sort of open their mouths, lean back, open their mouths, and then just like hold the rain until the summer.
SPEAKER_2: And so like, if you transplant enough rain, right?
SPEAKER_1: Why can't we use buckets?
SPEAKER_2: Okay, because buckets will evaporate, right?
SPEAKER_2: So like, if you use a bucket, the water will just evaporate from the bucket.
SPEAKER_2: But if you use the human body...
SPEAKER_2: What?
SPEAKER_1: Cover lid?
SPEAKER_2: Okay, but that's the thing, is the human body is its own cover lid.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, if you just really want labor in here, okay, I see.
SPEAKER_2: Look, we can all do with more water.
SPEAKER_2: Go drink water.
SPEAKER_2: You, listening, go fucking drink some water.
SPEAKER_2: Everyone water break.
SPEAKER_2: It's fucking water break.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, love that ASMR.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, yeah, you love to hear it.
SPEAKER_1: Ah, that was so good.
SPEAKER_2: So you're gonna take some water into your body, and then you're just gonna hold it there until summer.
SPEAKER_2: And then you're gonna release it all at once.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, I have an alternative proposal.
SPEAKER_2: It's the new rain dance.
SPEAKER_2: It's called the rain spinning.
SPEAKER_2: You just spin it all up at once.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, let's keep that option in our in our minds.
SPEAKER_2: In our wheelhouse.
SPEAKER_1: In our water wheelhouse.
SPEAKER_1: We'll just put it on the shelf for now.
SPEAKER_1: We'll come back to it when we need it.
SPEAKER_1: Because I think, what if we simply open up time portals?
SPEAKER_2: So like we're opening it under a cloud?
SPEAKER_1: Are we transporting the clouds?
SPEAKER_1: So you just have to open up a time portal and the cloud will move into the time portal.
SPEAKER_2: Are we accounting for like wind?
SPEAKER_2: Like what if the wind on the other side is stronger?
SPEAKER_2: Because heat technically flows from hotter to colder.
SPEAKER_2: So if we're opening a portal from summer to winter, then we're actually gonna get the summer.
SPEAKER_2: So we're gonna just accidentally warm up winter more.
SPEAKER_1: Here's the thing, we can simply switch.
SPEAKER_5: What?
SPEAKER_5: What are we switching?
SPEAKER_1: We switch the hot clouds for the cold, through the time portal.
SPEAKER_1: We make the wind ourselves.
SPEAKER_2: It's like alchemy rather than magic.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's alchemy rather than magic.
SPEAKER_1: Alchemy being much more real than magic.
SPEAKER_2: Alchemy is like equal like give and take, right?
SPEAKER_1: Yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_2: I've seen Fullmetal Alchemist.
SPEAKER_2: I know how this works.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: It's exactly that.
SPEAKER_1: So it's just, it's moving one to the other and one to the other.
SPEAKER_2: So like a cloud for a cloud, but a hot cloud for a cold cloud.
SPEAKER_2: And it's perfect, right?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Because like, wow, clouds have more water in the winter.
SPEAKER_2: Probably.
SPEAKER_1: That sounds right.
SPEAKER_2: I'm not a meteorologist.
SPEAKER_1: You are now.
SPEAKER_2: I guess I'm thinking like if you're transferring, is it like, is the heat from the summer an equal trade for the wetness of the winter?
SPEAKER_2: How equal can we make this trade, right?
SPEAKER_1: What I'm hearing you say is, no more seasons.
SPEAKER_1: All one season.
SPEAKER_1: It's always, there's no super hot days, there's no super cold days.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, if we wanna get rid of-
SPEAKER_1: There's rain every so often.
SPEAKER_2: Look, if we wanna get rid of seasons, I have a solution.
SPEAKER_2: We're gonna blow up the sun.
SPEAKER_1: What are we replacing the sun with?
SPEAKER_2: No, no, no, if you replace the sun with anything, you get seasons.
SPEAKER_1: You misunderstand what I mean.
SPEAKER_1: What I mean is we need to have a more stable sun, a sun that doesn't move up and down because that's how seasons work.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, we just need to fix the axis of rotation of the earth.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, this is easy.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, this makes so much sense, Clair.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so if we simply fix the rotation of the axis of the earth.
SPEAKER_2: The axis of rotation.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, the axis of rotation.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that's what I said.
SPEAKER_1: Then we no longer have seasons and it's just all year round, it's just sort of like...
SPEAKER_2: Well, I mean, it depends what your latitude is at that point because if you're at the equator, it's always gonna be a desert.
SPEAKER_2: Like it's always gonna be a desert.
SPEAKER_2: And then like the...
SPEAKER_1: That sucks for people to live at the equator.
SPEAKER_2: It's always going to be the same.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, but I think that that's probably a sacrifice that's just gonna have to be made.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, because it'll dry out more and more and more.
SPEAKER_2: And it won't change because there are no seasons.
SPEAKER_2: It's kind of honestly the same that it is now, but like more intense.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, yeah, but you know, that's sacrifice.
SPEAKER_2: But the thing is...
SPEAKER_1: We all gotta make sacrifices.
SPEAKER_2: Then it's gonna be like colder up here, right?
SPEAKER_2: Like we're gonna...
SPEAKER_2: I don't actually know how far up we are in terms of if you change the axis of rotation, but like there's gonna be a certain point where it's the perfect temperature, but then it starts to get colder even more.
SPEAKER_2: But the thing is, wind will probably only go north in the Northern Hemisphere until it gets to the ice caps, and then it'll probably melt those, and then it'll probably be very tempered.
SPEAKER_2: So I think this will work.
SPEAKER_2: We just gotta melt the ice caps.
SPEAKER_1: I am starting to think of some possible problems that may be in the climate change area.
SPEAKER_2: Look, what you're asking is to change the climate.
SPEAKER_2: You're asking to change the climate globally.
SPEAKER_2: In one swell swoop.
SPEAKER_1: In fairness, so are you.
SPEAKER_2: Well...
SPEAKER_1: You said more rain.
SPEAKER_2: I want more rain.
SPEAKER_1: That's a change to the climate, my friend.
SPEAKER_2: It's not necessarily...
SPEAKER_2: Look, you could ask for weather without asking for a change to the climate.
SPEAKER_2: But we did want to spread rain out more, which is the definition of changing the climate.
SPEAKER_2: What if we just steal water from other planets?
SPEAKER_2: What if we get wetter?
SPEAKER_1: Okay.
SPEAKER_2: What if we make Earth wetter?
SPEAKER_1: We're doing...
SPEAKER_1: We've immediately moved into space colonialism.
SPEAKER_1: That's good.
SPEAKER_1: I guess space imperialism, more than space colonialism.
SPEAKER_2: Look, is Europa really using all that water?
SPEAKER_2: How do we know that there's life on that planet?
SPEAKER_2: We haven't checked, so let's go take their water.
SPEAKER_1: Great.
SPEAKER_1: Alternatively, what we're ignoring here is that there is already a huge climate-changing emergency.
SPEAKER_1: Why not simply harness climate change?
SPEAKER_2: We turn climate change for the good.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_1: You just sort of take the climate change energy and we harness it.
SPEAKER_1: And then we can do whatever we want with it.
SPEAKER_2: So like the Avatar but for climate?
SPEAKER_1: Yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_1: We need to make the Avatar the last climate.
SPEAKER_1: The last climate bender.
SPEAKER_1: They can bend the climate and we can just solve all the problems.
SPEAKER_1: And no billionaires have to lose even a little bit of their money.
SPEAKER_5: What a good solution this is.
SPEAKER_2: You know, this is unrelated, it's kind of related.
SPEAKER_2: You know, the reason why I know the new Pokemon game like story, spoilers for the Pokemon games.
SPEAKER_2: The reason you know it's not real is because the billionaire goes to jail.
SPEAKER_1: Listen, the Pokemon world is a better world than ours.
SPEAKER_1: They also have Pokemon that are actively trying to combat climate change on a large scale.
SPEAKER_2: Like I thought smokestack McGee was like contributing to it.
SPEAKER_2: Nah.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_5: Smokestack McGee.
SPEAKER_2: So that's going to be more rain, right?
SPEAKER_2: Like we can get more rain out of this, right?
SPEAKER_1: Oh yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_2: That's not in the question, right?
SPEAKER_1: No, yeah, we could absolutely do that.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, you don't know the limits of the Avatar climate bender's power.
SPEAKER_2: What if we just move civilization into the ocean and it's always wet?
SPEAKER_1: No more fires.
SPEAKER_2: No more fires.
SPEAKER_2: Well, unless you, if I learned anything from Spongebob logic, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Because Spongebob logic goes, if you point it out, then you can't have fire.
SPEAKER_2: So ignorance is fire is how the saying goes.
SPEAKER_2: Oh my god, if we start believing in fire, that means there's gonna be less fire.
SPEAKER_1: Which means there's gonna be more water.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: There are fires.
SPEAKER_2: Fire is real.
SPEAKER_1: Fire is real.
SPEAKER_2: Fire was handed to us by the gods and it is real.
SPEAKER_1: Yes.
SPEAKER_1: And it is real.
SPEAKER_1: It is real and it exists.
SPEAKER_1: And that's how it works.
SPEAKER_2: Thank your local god for the fire.
SPEAKER_1: Thank your local god.
SPEAKER_1: Well, wasn't it?
SPEAKER_1: There was just one dude, actually, who stole fire from the gods.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: We're talking about Greek mythology.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Greek mythology.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know which mythology we were going for.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know.
SPEAKER_2: At least Greek.
SPEAKER_1: At least Greek.
SPEAKER_2: Bare minimum Greek.
SPEAKER_1: Bare minimum Greek.
SPEAKER_1: Welcome to Western thought for the past several hundred years.
SPEAKER_2: Rain is good.
SPEAKER_2: Want to give me a craving?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: We feel like we've solved rain.
SPEAKER_1: We feel like we solved climate.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, we got more rain, right?
SPEAKER_2: We're gonna get more rain.
SPEAKER_2: We just got to wait a few months to see.
SPEAKER_1: Cool.
SPEAKER_1: That means we can move on to art.
SPEAKER_2: Art?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: So the thing is, I saw cats.
SPEAKER_1: And I haven't seen cats, I have seen cats and it's art.
SPEAKER_1: It's bad art, but it's art.
SPEAKER_2: And this is like the banana, right?
SPEAKER_1: It's actually the opposite of the banana.
SPEAKER_2: Okay.
SPEAKER_1: It is the inverse, not the opposite.
SPEAKER_5: It's an inverted banana.
SPEAKER_4: It's an inverted banana.
SPEAKER_1: The peel is on the inside.
SPEAKER_1: For what we're referring to by with the banana, by the way, is that banana duct taped to a wall art piece that 50,000, 10,000, some money.
SPEAKER_2: It's money.
SPEAKER_1: It's a money laundering thing.
SPEAKER_1: And that's the core of why this is different because Cats has lost a lot of money.
SPEAKER_2: You see, it was the Cats themselves who were doing money laundering.
SPEAKER_1: But the thing about Cats is it's a film that takes risks and fails completely.
SPEAKER_1: And I really admire risk taking in art and media.
SPEAKER_1: What I'm craving is more media that's willing to take risks.
SPEAKER_1: I had more fun watching Cats than I've had watching any Marvel movies since, like, probably Black Panther.
SPEAKER_1: I had more fun watching Cats probably than I had watching a Star Wars movie in recent memory.
SPEAKER_1: Anything that Disney has owned, none of it is willing to take risks.
SPEAKER_1: And a lot of that is like a social justice-y way which Cats is also not willing to take risks on.
SPEAKER_1: There's actually lots of people talking about the fact that the film is a lot more hetero than the original play.
SPEAKER_1: Which is wild because it's made by Andrew Lloyd Webber, which means it should be the most hetero the whole time.
SPEAKER_1: I admire that they did the stupidest thing imaginable and really tried to make a whole big budget film where they're CGI-ing everyone into Cats.
SPEAKER_1: It is so horrendous to look at.
SPEAKER_2: I'm so excited for us to see this movie.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, there are moments where it's like, okay, that's fine.
SPEAKER_1: But then there's moments where it's like her forehead just expanded.
SPEAKER_1: And there's moments where it's like Indris Elba's body does not look right.
SPEAKER_1: Which is wild, because Indris Elba has a great body.
SPEAKER_1: This is the thing that is so good about Cats that it just is a complete mess with such a huge budget.
SPEAKER_1: And I love that.
SPEAKER_1: I love when movies take risks.
SPEAKER_1: I love when media takes risks.
SPEAKER_2: The risk is that it was bad?
SPEAKER_2: The risk is that it looked bad?
SPEAKER_1: The risk is that they tried to do something way too ambitious that they were not prepared to do, that it turned out looking weird and alien in a way that I've not seen in a movie before.
SPEAKER_1: I can really genuinely say I've never seen a movie like Cats before.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know how many movies I can say that about at this point.
SPEAKER_5: I'm so excited to see Cats.
SPEAKER_1: I'm excited for you to see it.
SPEAKER_1: And so what I'm craving is more media that is willing to take risks and do new things.
SPEAKER_1: The sequel to Cats, Dogs.
SPEAKER_1: Not doing them before.
SPEAKER_1: No, no, that's the problem.
SPEAKER_1: If they do the same thing they did for Cats again, then it's different than what I want.
SPEAKER_2: Birds.
SPEAKER_1: No, you're not understanding me, Clair.
SPEAKER_2: The thing is, all they do is attack each other this time.
SPEAKER_2: That's actually, I've never seen Cats, but that's probably what Cats is about.
SPEAKER_1: You know, you're not as wrong as I wish you were.
SPEAKER_1: Are we making dogs?
SPEAKER_2: No, okay, no, because we gotta make new media.
SPEAKER_4: A media that's taking risks.
SPEAKER_1: They've already tried to do this weird CGI shit.
SPEAKER_2: I know what we're gonna do.
SPEAKER_1: What are we doing?
SPEAKER_2: We're gonna get the biggest grant from Hollywood.
SPEAKER_2: We're gonna get the most money.
SPEAKER_2: And then we're gonna make like a whole feature length film with only plushies, no real people.
SPEAKER_2: Actually, no, fuck it, real people too.
SPEAKER_2: It's like, it's the Muppets movie, but none of them are Muppets, they're just plushies.
SPEAKER_1: How big are the people compared to the plushies?
SPEAKER_2: Some of them are bigger and so this is the thing, right?
SPEAKER_2: It's not the plushies that are inconsistent sizes, it's the people that are inconsistent sizes.
SPEAKER_2: The plushies are all the same size.
SPEAKER_2: Even if they're different size plushies, they're CGI'd up and down to be the same size.
SPEAKER_1: And what size is that generally?
SPEAKER_2: Probably average human size, but then the humans are different plushie size.
SPEAKER_2: It's a world about what if humans were the plushies?
SPEAKER_2: And it's called plushed.
SPEAKER_1: And it's not a world where like that's the, that's the core problem, right?
SPEAKER_2: Oh, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_1: That's not the core.
SPEAKER_4: The new human is coming up.
SPEAKER_4: World building.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Look, the story is about like, it's about consumer capitalism and it's about like, the new human is coming out this year and everyone has to have their new human.
SPEAKER_2: It's the softest human ever.
SPEAKER_1: I have a question.
SPEAKER_2: Actually, it's the skinnest human ever.
SPEAKER_2: I was gonna say skinniest as in having the most skin, but that's not what that means.
SPEAKER_2: So there's a new adjective that I've just made.
SPEAKER_2: It's the skinnest and it means having the most skin.
SPEAKER_1: I'm making a new adjective to describe a nonsense thing.
SPEAKER_1: Here's my question.
SPEAKER_1: Are the humans sentient, sapient, moving, thinking, creatures, are they static?
SPEAKER_5: Are plushies moving sentient creatures?
SPEAKER_2: Because some people would argue yes.
SPEAKER_2: You give them feelings, right?
SPEAKER_2: Like you name them, you give them personalities, and those are alive beings.
SPEAKER_2: So humans are too in this film, just like that.
SPEAKER_2: You name your human.
SPEAKER_1: So humans are the whole, okay, I see, I see here.
SPEAKER_1: Great.
SPEAKER_2: This human's stretchy.
SPEAKER_2: This human folds up into five different configurations.
SPEAKER_1: Great.
SPEAKER_1: The other risk that Cats takes is that it isn't coherent.
SPEAKER_1: Well, it has a story.
SPEAKER_1: It just feels a little incoherent.
SPEAKER_2: Right, so did you ever watch Next Gen?
SPEAKER_1: I did not.
SPEAKER_2: So Next Gen is basically like, what if Steve Jobs was evil more?
SPEAKER_2: What if Steve Jobs was, spoilers for Next Gen, what if Steve Jobs was actually replaced by an AI and then made more AIs, and then instead of iPhones, people just got the Next Gen of AI?
SPEAKER_1: Cool.
SPEAKER_2: That's the whole thing.
SPEAKER_2: It's very thinly veiled, Steve Jobs.
SPEAKER_2: What if it's that, but like there's no really coherent story.
SPEAKER_2: What if the whole film is waiting in line for your human?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, this is what I'm thinking is, there's this whole big plot.
SPEAKER_1: We don't give a shit about that.
SPEAKER_1: It's about like this person standing in line.
SPEAKER_1: It's like kind of waiting for Godot.
SPEAKER_2: And it's real time, right?
SPEAKER_1: And the new human is named Godot.
SPEAKER_4: So it is waiting for Godot.
SPEAKER_1: I don't even know this reference.
SPEAKER_1: It's a play that was made in the 50s.
SPEAKER_1: It's nihilist.
SPEAKER_1: It's the whole concept of the play is, nothing happens twice.
SPEAKER_2: Perfect.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so we're making Waiting for Godot, the movie about waiting in line for the new plush human, Godot, the stretchiest human.
SPEAKER_1: And it's just like the person in line waiting.
SPEAKER_1: And there's some conversations and things feel.
SPEAKER_2: There's a tent.
SPEAKER_2: They invite people into their tent, and it's different, like, oh, why did you bring a tent?
SPEAKER_2: Oh, I don't know.
SPEAKER_2: And then it's just silence for two minutes, and then they start smoking in the tent, and then someone comes along and is like, hey, we can smell that out here, can you stop?
SPEAKER_2: And they're like, no.
SPEAKER_2: And they're like, okay.
SPEAKER_2: And they kind of leave, and there's no conflict resolution or anything.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that doesn't come back.
SPEAKER_2: Like it doesn't come back, it's never relevant again.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, and there's a point where two characters seem to be flirting, but they're not.
SPEAKER_2: One of them gets a call and has to leave line.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_2: And it's like, oh, we never, again, we never see that character again.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: I think the biggest thing is the movie ends before, like the main character gets to the front of the line, and then the movie just ends.
SPEAKER_1: No, no, that's too coherent.
SPEAKER_1: The main character gets near the front of the line, and then the movie ends.
SPEAKER_1: And it's just like in the middle of a sentence, in the middle of it being like, gee, I think we're gonna, and then the movie ends.
SPEAKER_2: Right, and like they're running out, right?
SPEAKER_2: Like there's this whole plot, like no one knows if there's gonna be enough.
SPEAKER_2: And the thing is like they're nearing the front, and it's like, oh, we only have a few left, and then the movie ends.
SPEAKER_2: And we never find out.
SPEAKER_1: And then here's the thing.
SPEAKER_1: The whole thing about Waiting for Godot is nothing happens twice.
SPEAKER_1: So the movie starts again, the same things happen, and it's different actors.
SPEAKER_4: Wow, we're really taking...
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so it's like the first half of the movie is waiting for Godot.
SPEAKER_2: The second half of the movie is waiting for Godot.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, I love this.
SPEAKER_1: And the other thing about it is, of course, it's all plushies.
SPEAKER_1: So it's just the voices, right?
SPEAKER_2: Like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: The people, the people, in quotes, are plushies.
SPEAKER_1: They're people.
SPEAKER_1: They're just not humans.
SPEAKER_2: They're just plushies.
SPEAKER_1: And they're plushies.
SPEAKER_1: And so it's just the voice actor is slightly different.
SPEAKER_1: And you're listening, you're like, is that a different voice actor?
SPEAKER_2: And it's like, it's just, they picked whoever to do the voice acting for whoever.
SPEAKER_2: It was just like, which lines do you want?
SPEAKER_2: Well, I like this line and this line.
SPEAKER_2: Those aren't the same characters.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, go for it.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: And they just sort of, like, they didn't really give anyone a character.
SPEAKER_2: They gave them their favorite lines.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, I love this.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Or even you just pick lines out of a hat, and those are the lines.
SPEAKER_4: You roll a 2D6 and pick a line based on your result.
SPEAKER_2: God.
SPEAKER_4: On a 10 plus, you get a good line.
SPEAKER_4: On a seven to nine, you get an okay line.
SPEAKER_2: On a six minus, you get a sound effect.
SPEAKER_2: You sort of have to grunt.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: There's a lot of grunting in this movie for some reason.
SPEAKER_1: Well, it is people waiting in line, and like, they are like having conversations.
SPEAKER_1: It's just these conversations, like, these are the moments.
SPEAKER_1: These are the moments in between.
SPEAKER_1: And there's lots of cross talk, right?
SPEAKER_1: Like, it's like one person's talking, you're like, I think that's who I'm supposed to be listening to.
SPEAKER_2: There's like three people talking at once.
SPEAKER_1: It's like listening to a podcast.
SPEAKER_1: And the reason why people don't immediately walk out is, it's stunning.
SPEAKER_1: It's a beautiful looking film.
SPEAKER_1: This is the inverse of Cats, where it just looks gorgeous.
SPEAKER_1: The plushies are rendered in such detail, and it's like this futuristic sci-fi.
SPEAKER_2: There's like flying cars everywhere.
SPEAKER_2: There's like, you see like this beautiful transit system in the background.
SPEAKER_1: There are these long shots of like, the character will stop and say, wow, that's a beautiful sight.
SPEAKER_1: And then it will show you the beautiful sight that the character is seeing.
SPEAKER_2: From like the other side of the line.
SPEAKER_2: So we still have like the characters in shot.
SPEAKER_2: I think there's always, the line is always in the shot, right?
SPEAKER_1: Oh yeah, it always has to be in shot.
SPEAKER_2: But sometimes we see a wall, and I think that's like a lot of the movie, right?
SPEAKER_2: We're switching between two sides.
SPEAKER_2: It's half the time we see them in line and there's like a wall behind them.
SPEAKER_2: Maybe it's a glass wall or something.
SPEAKER_2: And then sometimes we're on the other side and we're looking out into the city and like, it's just these beautiful shots.
SPEAKER_1: I think that there are moments where you hear about larger plots, right?
SPEAKER_1: Like there's shit going on, right?
SPEAKER_2: Oh yeah, maybe there's like a whole revolution happening.
SPEAKER_1: Oh yeah, you hear like, oh, this person was assassinated today.
SPEAKER_1: I'm not gonna get into it.
SPEAKER_2: Commander Fuzzy Face, the cat plushie general of the army was assassinated today.
SPEAKER_1: And you just like hear that in line casually cause that's how you find things out sometimes.
SPEAKER_1: Like when I was at work the other night.
SPEAKER_2: Commander Fuzzy Face was assassinated.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, right?
SPEAKER_1: Like you just find that out and someone's like, oh wow, oh man, things are heating up.
SPEAKER_1: And then you don't get any like resolution on that.
SPEAKER_2: No, that's not what it's about.
SPEAKER_1: This movie is indicating in the direction of larger things, but you are a person going through your life, trying to like get this new human.
SPEAKER_1: And I don't even know that you get motivation for why these characters are in this line, right?
SPEAKER_1: Like some character probably says, oh yeah, my kid wants the new human, right?
SPEAKER_1: Like there's that, but like another character will not say why they're there.
SPEAKER_2: One person's like a absolute completionist, right?
SPEAKER_2: Like they have to have every, like this is their goal, right?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_1: You kind of get a little bit of that.
SPEAKER_1: It's like implied, right?
SPEAKER_1: Someone could watch this movie and then write a thread about, oh, here was this character's actual motivation, right?
SPEAKER_1: But we don't say it.
SPEAKER_2: No, absolutely not.
SPEAKER_1: Hey, this movie sounds like a movie I would watch.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know that I would watch.
SPEAKER_2: I would watch Cats.
SPEAKER_2: So what does that say about this movie?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, no, it's meaninglessness.
SPEAKER_2: And the thing is like, it's not even, there isn't even good characterization.
SPEAKER_2: I think like maybe the camera's just going faster than the line, right?
SPEAKER_1: Maybe we don't even follow a single character.
SPEAKER_2: It's just like the camera's slowly making its way up the line.
SPEAKER_1: And then maybe it just randomly kind of focuses in on many characters, right?
SPEAKER_1: Like it does the cat's thing where it's like, here's this character, here's this character, but not the cat's thing of here's this interesting character.
SPEAKER_1: It's just like, here's this character who's standing in line.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: And you follow them waiting for a bit, and then you follow another character who's waiting for a bit.
SPEAKER_2: Nothing happens five times.
SPEAKER_2: This is the new Godot.
SPEAKER_1: Nothing happens five times, twice.
SPEAKER_2: God, I can't believe we've mastered contemporary art.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, this feels so avant-garde or some shit.
SPEAKER_1: Like we've made something deeply modern.
SPEAKER_1: With that in mind, you want to take us out with one more craving?
SPEAKER_2: So I want snow.
SPEAKER_2: So I've been craving snow.
SPEAKER_1: You just talked about rain.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, but now we need to talk about snow.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, talk to me about snow.
SPEAKER_2: Cause like we've literally had no snow days.
SPEAKER_2: We haven't had snow.
SPEAKER_2: We didn't get snow this winter.
SPEAKER_1: There were people saying, oh, we're going to get snow this day.
SPEAKER_2: I know, people keep being like, oh yeah, we're going to get snow this weekend.
SPEAKER_2: Oh wow, I guess we better get ready for the snow.
SPEAKER_2: And then there's the snow.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Then there's the snow, where is it?
SPEAKER_2: Where is it?
SPEAKER_2: Where is the snow?
SPEAKER_2: Liars, fake snow, fake news, fake snow.
SPEAKER_1: Oh my God, please.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, no, no snow.
SPEAKER_4: Good, good, fucking good.
SPEAKER_2: I want the snow.
SPEAKER_4: I don't.
SPEAKER_2: I've been craving playing in snow.
SPEAKER_1: I have to walk with my cane out in the world.
SPEAKER_2: But like dry, compact snow.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, but we don't get that here.
SPEAKER_4: That's what I want.
SPEAKER_2: I've been craving that.
SPEAKER_2: Honestly, I've been craving it for years.
SPEAKER_1: We've already messed with the climate enough, Clair.
SPEAKER_2: So we just gotta go one step further.
SPEAKER_2: We just gotta crank it.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know that the avatar of climate bending can do this for us.
SPEAKER_1: We may need to find another snowy solution.
SPEAKER_1: Another solution.
SPEAKER_2: So what if we just open all the fridges and the freezers?
SPEAKER_2: Just everybody open your fridge and just leave it open.
SPEAKER_2: We're gonna make it happen.
SPEAKER_1: I think we need to supercharge them.
SPEAKER_1: Because otherwise they'll just get warm.
SPEAKER_1: That's how it works when you leave your fridge open.
SPEAKER_1: Trust me, we have a not great fridge.
SPEAKER_1: It has happened.
SPEAKER_2: So it's like an MRI machine is sort of like a superconductor, but we need a super refrigerator.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, we need a super refrigerator.
SPEAKER_2: Just like a big refrigerator.
SPEAKER_1: It's a snow machine of sorts, but it's a super snow machine.
SPEAKER_1: You're just putting in an extreme amount of power.
SPEAKER_1: Because the more power there is, the more cold you can make.
SPEAKER_1: Therefore, ergo, therefore.
SPEAKER_1: More power means more snow.
SPEAKER_1: So really you're asking, how do we get more snow?
SPEAKER_1: What you should be asking is how do we get more power?
SPEAKER_2: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_2: Everyone bicycles for 10 minutes a day on your assigned snow duty.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, whether you can or not.
SPEAKER_2: You can paddle with your arms.
SPEAKER_1: Whether you can or not.
SPEAKER_2: And if you can't do that, you blink really fast.
SPEAKER_1: I can do that.
SPEAKER_1: That's the one of those three things I could do.
SPEAKER_2: We just sort of clip clips to your eyelashes and then you blink really fast and it produces energy.
SPEAKER_1: Are those false eyelashes?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, so everyone just gets false eyelashes, right?
SPEAKER_2: And they just produce energy and then they send this energy to this big refrigerator.
SPEAKER_2: And so we don't even notice that you're generating this energy.
SPEAKER_1: And that's just super good because it'll look super cute when the shoe is on your eyelashes.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, everybody gets good eyelashes.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: You can pick your color.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, perfect.
SPEAKER_2: You can be like, I'm gonna do the purple eyelashes today.
SPEAKER_1: This is really good.
SPEAKER_1: That's a whole lot of power.
SPEAKER_1: Now, if we need even more power, we know-
SPEAKER_2: We'll call it Butterfly Kiss Generated Energy.
SPEAKER_1: B-K-G-E, B-K-G-E, B-K-G-E, B-K-G-E.
SPEAKER_3: B-K-G-E, B-K-G-E, B-K-G-E, B-K-G-E, B-K-G-E, B-K-G-E.
SPEAKER_1: Now, that's gonna give us a lot of power.
SPEAKER_1: If we need even more.
SPEAKER_2: What if we harness the amount that we talk?
SPEAKER_2: What if we, for every time we talk, we use power to generate words.
SPEAKER_2: And a lot of the words we say are pointless.
SPEAKER_1: Right, we could just have like a filter that collects, that goes over our mouth and collects.
SPEAKER_1: So you're talking like this and it's totally fine and everyone can hear us super duper well.
SPEAKER_2: This is a great podcast.
SPEAKER_1: So it's like that.
SPEAKER_1: Even more power can come from, of course.
SPEAKER_2: The oven.
SPEAKER_2: Well, you're like, do we just leave the oven open then?
SPEAKER_1: We can leave the oven open, but that'll create heat.
SPEAKER_2: But then we turn that heat into.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, you put a thing on top of your oven.
SPEAKER_2: You put a balloon over the oven.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it turns the heat into like a hot air machine.
SPEAKER_1: Now, how do we?
SPEAKER_1: Now, quick question.
SPEAKER_1: How do we heat the oven?
SPEAKER_2: You turn it on.
SPEAKER_2: Right.
SPEAKER_1: I have an electric.
SPEAKER_1: I think my oven is probably electric powered.
SPEAKER_2: Who knows how ovens work?
SPEAKER_1: I do.
SPEAKER_2: No one really knows how ovens work.
SPEAKER_2: No one's really sure how ovens came to be.
SPEAKER_4: All right.
SPEAKER_4: So we've got.
SPEAKER_2: Ovens aren't always, like you can't even prove that ovens are real.
SPEAKER_2: How are you supposed to prove how that even works?
SPEAKER_1: Fake ovens.
SPEAKER_1: So we've got eyelashes, words.
SPEAKER_1: We've got ovens.
SPEAKER_2: Our words.
SPEAKER_1: Our words.
SPEAKER_2: Our pointless words.
SPEAKER_1: Our pointless words.
SPEAKER_1: We've got ovens.
SPEAKER_1: And of course, we've got Nintendo.
SPEAKER_1: Because as we all know, now you're playing with power.
SPEAKER_1: See, the thing is, all the old ads.
SPEAKER_2: So we burn all the Nintendo power magazines.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, I liked those.
SPEAKER_2: Look, they have to serve a greater purpose.
SPEAKER_1: You're right.
SPEAKER_1: But the thing about Nintendo is all their old ads, they're really, really old ads are like, now you're playing with power.
SPEAKER_1: And that was their whole slogan.
SPEAKER_1: That means they got some power somewhere.
SPEAKER_1: They're using some power.
SPEAKER_1: We need to find it.
SPEAKER_1: Maybe it's in the Nintendo vault where they're also keeping the Pokemon MMO.
SPEAKER_1: What else are they keeping in the Nintendo vault?
SPEAKER_2: Probably all the old issues of Nintendo power.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, probably also the-
SPEAKER_2: Maybe there's like a secret map in Nintendo power where if you follow it, you can get to the Nintendo vault.
SPEAKER_1: So we need to look through-
SPEAKER_2: Maybe they're keeping snow in the Nintendo vault.
SPEAKER_2: Maybe that's why they have all the power.
SPEAKER_2: Maybe they know the power of snow.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, this makes sense.
SPEAKER_1: We'll need to do that.
SPEAKER_2: Have we talked about how much power snow could produce?
SPEAKER_2: Imagine snow batteries.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so how would that work?
SPEAKER_2: Well, you take a bunch of snow and you make it really compact.
SPEAKER_1: Right.
SPEAKER_2: And like the energy, the energy, the energy.
SPEAKER_2: And then the snow melts and turns into water.
SPEAKER_2: And then you just drink the water.
SPEAKER_1: It's great.
SPEAKER_1: Okay.
SPEAKER_3: So like you take-
SPEAKER_4: Where'd the energy come from in that?
SPEAKER_2: The snow.
SPEAKER_4: Okay.
SPEAKER_2: Cause you know snow expands, snow is bigger water.
SPEAKER_4: So like-
SPEAKER_4: Snow is bigger water.
SPEAKER_2: So you like, you're creating a vacuum, right?
SPEAKER_2: And then you fill the vacuum and it's like, it's hydrothermal.
SPEAKER_2: It's like a dam.
SPEAKER_2: You move, things move.
SPEAKER_2: So therefore, energy made.
SPEAKER_1: Sure.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: That sounds right and scientific.
SPEAKER_1: You're the science one here.
SPEAKER_1: Now you're thinking with power.
SPEAKER_2: Now you're thinking with icicles.
SPEAKER_1: Now you're thinking with icicles.
SPEAKER_2: Icicle spear power source.
SPEAKER_1: How does that one work?
SPEAKER_2: You tie an icicle to the end of a stick.
SPEAKER_2: The end.
SPEAKER_1: Continue.
SPEAKER_2: The end.
SPEAKER_2: Look, if you can harness the power, you have the power of icicle spheres.
SPEAKER_1: I think we should use frozen lake power.
SPEAKER_1: So you step on the frozen lake, it makes power.
SPEAKER_2: Cause vibrations in the frozen lake.
SPEAKER_1: Yes.
SPEAKER_2: And it's holding you up.
SPEAKER_2: So like there's the gravity.
SPEAKER_2: So gravity is like a perfect source for power too.
SPEAKER_1: Why don't we just take the earth's gravity?
SPEAKER_1: Why isn't anyone turn the earth's gravity into power?
SPEAKER_2: Don't think about dams.
SPEAKER_2: Why isn't anyone turn the earth's gravity into a power generating machine?
SPEAKER_1: It sounds like a bronze age super villain.
SPEAKER_4: What if we just reverse gravity?
SPEAKER_4: To create power?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: If you can take all the gravity, there's gonna be no gravity left.
SPEAKER_4: Right.
SPEAKER_1: That's a good point.
SPEAKER_1: Then the gravity will be used up into power and then we can fly and we'll have a power source infinitely.
SPEAKER_1: That's a good idea.
SPEAKER_1: Did we forget about the snow part of this?
SPEAKER_2: No, all of this, we're gonna take, we're gonna just, okay, so we're gonna take all this power supply, all these ideas that we've come up with for different ways of producing power, we're gonna take them, we're gonna duct tape them together and then we're gonna produce like a bunch of snow, we're gonna play in it.
SPEAKER_2: It's gonna be dry snow, it's never gonna get wet.
SPEAKER_2: That's the thing about the snow.
SPEAKER_2: There's so much power in it.
SPEAKER_2: It's never gonna get wet.
SPEAKER_1: I have a question, is it going to melt at some point?
SPEAKER_2: No, it's never gonna get wet.
SPEAKER_2: Listen, Brianna, it's gonna be dry forever.
SPEAKER_1: So this is-
SPEAKER_2: It's dry snow.
SPEAKER_1: So when does it stop being cold?
SPEAKER_1: What?
SPEAKER_1: So when does it stop being winter?
SPEAKER_1: You've made snowpiercer.
SPEAKER_2: So we're gonna go train.
SPEAKER_2: This has been Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: Welcome to Salt Piercer.
SPEAKER_4: Welcome to Salt Piercer.
SPEAKER_1: Hey, is the snow just salt?
SPEAKER_1: You have to be honest with me.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just salt.
SPEAKER_2: Why did you think it never melts?
SPEAKER_1: We salt the earth.
SPEAKER_2: And then we make a train that goes through piles of salt.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I love it.
SPEAKER_1: I love it.
SPEAKER_1: That's this podcast.
SPEAKER_1: The podcast is a train.
SPEAKER_2: We just go forward no matter what.
SPEAKER_1: And we are on some rails.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know what rails they are, but they're on.
SPEAKER_2: They're the rails of social media.
SPEAKER_2: And those rails go to Facebook and Instagram and Twitter at Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_1: And those rails also go to submissions at Salt Cravings where you can send us some snow.
SPEAKER_1: Can send us some snow or cravings.
SPEAKER_2: Or cravings, but snow.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, if you want to send us snow over the internet, go ahead.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, or if you want to donate to us, don't forget to donate to Wet'suwet'en Legal Support.
SPEAKER_2: Raven is helping them and also the Bushfires.
SPEAKER_2: You can also donate to us, but also donate to them.
SPEAKER_1: If you have an extra dollar, we're not going to tell you what to do with it.
SPEAKER_1: After you do your donation, if you have an extra dollar.
SPEAKER_2: One dollar left, it's ours.
SPEAKER_1: It's ours, throw it our way.
SPEAKER_1: But yeah, please, please go support those important causes.
SPEAKER_2: Please.
SPEAKER_2: I will use the uwu voice the entirety of the next podcast.
SPEAKER_2: If you donate to them and then like email us the receipt.
SPEAKER_2: Five people have to do this.
SPEAKER_2: I will use the uwu voice the entire next episode.
SPEAKER_1: That feels like a disincentive.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, maybe we have different ideas of-
SPEAKER_1: No, no, we're doing it, five people donate and tell us that they've donated.
SPEAKER_2: And they want us to do this.
SPEAKER_1: And they want us to do this.
SPEAKER_1: We will do it.
SPEAKER_2: We'll do it.
SPEAKER_1: Both of us will.
SPEAKER_1: Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_2: You gotta donate to one of them.
SPEAKER_2: Cool.
SPEAKER_1: I guess the only thing left to say is, what are we doing?
SPEAKER_1: What's the joke?
SPEAKER_1: Thank you for listening.
SPEAKER_2: It was ice to have you here.