SPEAKER_2: Welcome to the Salt Cravings Bar and Grill.
SPEAKER_2: My name is Brianna, I'll be your server tonight.
SPEAKER_2: How are you doing?
SPEAKER_1: Oh, do you have a table for three?
SPEAKER_2: Oh, yes, of course.
SPEAKER_2: Let me just, yeah, we have something.
SPEAKER_2: Let me just show you this way.
SPEAKER_2: So this is the table here.
SPEAKER_1: What's on special tonight?
SPEAKER_2: The salty surprise.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, what's in the salty surprise?
SPEAKER_2: So the salty surprise is a steak that has been triple salted.
SPEAKER_1: Oh.
SPEAKER_2: And with a mystery spice as well.
SPEAKER_1: I'm not allowed to know what the mystery spice is?
SPEAKER_2: No, it's very strict.
SPEAKER_2: We're not allowed to tell you what the mystery spice is.
SPEAKER_1: Can you explain the flavor of it?
SPEAKER_2: Sure, it's sort of herby and spicy.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_2: So it's sort of, it's balanced, but it's spicy.
SPEAKER_3: Spicy, mmm, dill, mmm, wheat, mmm.
SPEAKER_2: That's just sort of the way that we do things.
SPEAKER_2: The chef doesn't even tell us, so I can't, I don't know.
SPEAKER_2: But I, but-
SPEAKER_3: Who's the chef?
SPEAKER_4: Maybe I can go talk to the chef.
SPEAKER_2: He's extremely busy.
SPEAKER_2: You know, there's a lot of, as you can see, it's a full restaurant.
SPEAKER_2: You can hear all the restaurant sounds all around you.
SPEAKER_1: I just saw a flash of yellow with like a hat.
SPEAKER_1: Wait, is your chef SpongeBob?
SPEAKER_2: Do you have any other questions about the menu tonight?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, but do you have a drink special?
SPEAKER_2: Oh, right.
SPEAKER_2: So the drinks, water.
SPEAKER_1: But do you have a drink special?
SPEAKER_1: Like something that's cheaper tonight?
SPEAKER_2: Oh yeah, we have special water.
SPEAKER_1: Why is it special?
SPEAKER_2: Well, it is quadruple carbonated.
SPEAKER_1: I hate carbonated water.
SPEAKER_1: I'm gonna have to pass.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
SPEAKER_1: Is there even any water left in the quadruple carbonated water?
SPEAKER_2: It is mostly both.
SPEAKER_1: It's mostly air.
SPEAKER_2: It is mostly air.
SPEAKER_1: It's just humid air.
SPEAKER_2: Well, it's a very difficult process, but yes, there is still some water in there.
SPEAKER_2: There's a couple of droplets at the bottom.
SPEAKER_1: I think I'll just go with milk.
SPEAKER_2: Great, awesome.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, we definitely have milk.
SPEAKER_2: I'll just totally write that down.
SPEAKER_2: Milk.
SPEAKER_2: Awesome, I'll give you a couple of minutes with the menu.
SPEAKER_2: In the meantime, let's do a podcast.
SPEAKER_4: Is that a normal part of the dining experience?
SPEAKER_2: Yes, of course it is.
SPEAKER_2: The server stays with you and does the podcast.
SPEAKER_2: Great.
SPEAKER_2: What's your name?
SPEAKER_1: You can call me Clair.
SPEAKER_2: Excellent, it's so nice to meet you.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, it's not my real name, but you can call me Clair.
SPEAKER_1: What's your name?
SPEAKER_1: I can see it on your name tag.
SPEAKER_2: Brianna.
SPEAKER_1: That's not what it says on your name tag, but I'm not gonna like to say you're lying or anything.
SPEAKER_2: Let me just switch that for my new name tag.
SPEAKER_1: You just have two named tags on you at any given time.
SPEAKER_2: You never know what name you're gonna need to give.
SPEAKER_1: This seems like a very normal serving job.
SPEAKER_2: It's an extremely normal serving job.
SPEAKER_4: So what kind of podcast is this?
SPEAKER_4: I don't know anything about this.
SPEAKER_2: So the podcast is a comedy podcast, of course, where we talk about our-
SPEAKER_1: I'm not very funny, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_2: Well, you will learn to be.
SPEAKER_2: That is one of the guarantees of the Salt Cravings dining experience.
SPEAKER_2: Did you not read this on our website?
SPEAKER_1: I don't have internet.
SPEAKER_1: This is why I came here.
SPEAKER_2: I thought this was an internet cafe.
SPEAKER_2: We are going to post this on the internet.
SPEAKER_1: I guess I consent to that.
SPEAKER_2: Great, that's nice to hear.
SPEAKER_1: So do I do anything on this podcast?
SPEAKER_2: Do I like-
SPEAKER_2: The way that we typically do the podcast, you will tell me what you're craving.
SPEAKER_1: I was craving that salty surprise.
SPEAKER_2: Let me just get that done for you.
SPEAKER_2: It should be here by the end of the podcast.
SPEAKER_1: So it's like a quick 10-minute podcast?
SPEAKER_2: No.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_2: Clair, would you please tell me your first craving?
SPEAKER_1: Sure.
SPEAKER_1: I've been craving social gatherings with friends.
SPEAKER_2: Ah, I see.
SPEAKER_1: I know we're complete strangers, but you ever isolate yourself?
SPEAKER_4: Boy, do I.
SPEAKER_1: That's it, that's the craving.
SPEAKER_1: And that's the end of it, right?
SPEAKER_4: Now you tell-
SPEAKER_2: No, now we have to solve the craving.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, well, can we be friends?
SPEAKER_2: Yes, absolutely, we're friends.
SPEAKER_1: What time do you get off work?
SPEAKER_2: I, uh, hmm, I definitely get off work.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_2: We can absolutely be friends.
SPEAKER_2: Technically, this is a social gathering with friends.
SPEAKER_2: So it looks like we've solved that craving, but I think we need to get a little bit more absurd.
SPEAKER_1: Well, it seems pretty easy to make friends.
SPEAKER_1: What if we just make more friends?
SPEAKER_2: Oh, I like this.
SPEAKER_1: What if we make more friends?
SPEAKER_2: Excellent, so we'll get some robot bodies.
SPEAKER_1: No, robots aren't friends.
SPEAKER_1: Don't tell anyone a robot is your friend.
SPEAKER_4: They won't like you anymore.
SPEAKER_2: Anti-robot.
SPEAKER_1: You'll just look, I'm just being a friend.
SPEAKER_1: If you tell people you're friends with robots, they'll stop being your friends.
SPEAKER_1: That's just how friends work.
SPEAKER_2: That is not how friends work.
SPEAKER_1: The law of friendship.
SPEAKER_2: That is not how friends work.
SPEAKER_2: I am friends with many robots.
SPEAKER_1: Robots don't have friends.
SPEAKER_2: Robots absolutely have friends.
SPEAKER_2: Listen, why not robots?
SPEAKER_2: What's the problem with robots?
SPEAKER_1: I want my friends to be meat-based.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, meat-based friends.
SPEAKER_2: So like a steak?
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so you don't want us to put googly eyes on steaks.
SPEAKER_1: Is there like a halfway between a steak and a robot friend?
SPEAKER_2: A cow.
SPEAKER_4: You know what?
SPEAKER_4: Fine.
SPEAKER_2: I want to go make friends with cows, but let's make some cow friends.
SPEAKER_2: Cows are good, and I would absolutely make some friends with cows.
SPEAKER_2: What about farm animals in general?
SPEAKER_1: What, okay, all right, all right, all right.
SPEAKER_2: What farm animal would you most want to have a social gathering with?
SPEAKER_1: Bunnies.
SPEAKER_2: Do you know bunnies hold no nutritional value?
SPEAKER_1: Are you, I, I, um, what?
SPEAKER_2: It doesn't hold any nutritional value whatsoever.
SPEAKER_1: So don't eat my bunny friends.
SPEAKER_2: So we won't eat your bunny friends.
SPEAKER_2: There's no reason to eat bunnies.
SPEAKER_2: They're cute, they're wonderful, we love them.
SPEAKER_1: So this is sort of like a friend farm then, right?
SPEAKER_1: Also, what would be your farm animal friend, top pick?
SPEAKER_2: You know, I like pigs quite a bit.
SPEAKER_1: Pigs are good, they're round.
SPEAKER_2: They're really round, and they're big boys.
SPEAKER_2: They're bigger than people expect.
SPEAKER_1: So we wake up and feed our friends every morning, and then like, what else do we do on the friend farm?
SPEAKER_2: We have to have a friendship circle.
SPEAKER_1: So do we each have our own barn, or like, where do we stay on the friend farm?
SPEAKER_2: We live in a-
SPEAKER_1: Wait, who feeds us if we're on the friend farm?
SPEAKER_1: Is it like another person wakes up and like just comes over and like throws some like-
SPEAKER_2: Why can't we not feed ourselves?
SPEAKER_1: Well, cause on the friend farm, friends get fed.
SPEAKER_2: You're right.
SPEAKER_2: So the pigs and the bunnies feed us.
SPEAKER_2: They also have their own barn.
SPEAKER_1: Is it like a mini barn?
SPEAKER_1: Is it just like a dog house?
SPEAKER_1: But for every animal, it's just like a little complex of dog houses.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, but they have a kitchen.
SPEAKER_1: Like in the dog house or is it like a communal kitchen?
SPEAKER_2: We have a communal kitchen.
SPEAKER_1: So there's a communal barn with a kitchen, but no beds.
SPEAKER_1: And then we just have like dog houses lined up.
SPEAKER_1: What's the color of your dog house?
SPEAKER_1: Pink.
SPEAKER_1: I guess it's just like a completely different meaning when you're like, I'm sleeping in the dog house tonight, but it's just like, I sleep in the dog house every night.
SPEAKER_1: That's my house.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know why we all need to have our own singular dog houses.
SPEAKER_2: Maybe sometimes we just want to hang out and sleep with our friends, but not sleep with, like, you know, cuddle with our friends.
SPEAKER_2: Would you not cuddle a bunny?
SPEAKER_1: I presume we would be cuddling all the time.
SPEAKER_1: This is a friend farm.
SPEAKER_2: This is the friend farm.
SPEAKER_2: There's lots of cuddling, lots of friendship.
SPEAKER_1: What do we eat?
SPEAKER_1: Is it just corn?
SPEAKER_2: We're not gonna eat meat.
SPEAKER_2: Maybe corn primarily.
SPEAKER_2: And I'm gonna keep it real with you.
SPEAKER_2: I'm fine with that.
SPEAKER_2: I would absolutely eat corn for most meals.
SPEAKER_2: You can make corn bread.
SPEAKER_2: You can make tortillas.
SPEAKER_2: Corn on a cob.
SPEAKER_2: That's the raw corn, but not raw.
SPEAKER_2: You obviously cook it.
SPEAKER_1: Eat the whole cob.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, eat the whole cob.
SPEAKER_2: What else is corn?
SPEAKER_2: What else is made from corn?
SPEAKER_2: There's so much stuff that's made from corn and it's all gone from my brain, but I do know that I like corn.
SPEAKER_1: Welcome to the corner.
SPEAKER_1: I have a different question.
SPEAKER_1: We have all these friends.
SPEAKER_1: How do we make sure that we all have available schedules?
SPEAKER_1: Like, look, I know maybe like Edward the Pig seems free, but like, you know, you ask Edward to hang out and he goes, and it's like, no, no, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_4: Maybe a different day.
SPEAKER_2: Well, we all have a shared Google calendar.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, just no privacy anymore?
SPEAKER_1: We're all gonna just share our Google calendar?
SPEAKER_2: Of course, that's what friendship is.
SPEAKER_2: So I'm just gonna like-
SPEAKER_2: You can't have privacy if you have friends.
SPEAKER_2: It's like how you can't be friends with robots, apparently.
SPEAKER_1: I'm just gonna put like in your calendar that we're gonna hang out.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you could do that.
SPEAKER_2: And then you should probably also tell me.
SPEAKER_1: Well, the notification will tell you.
SPEAKER_2: Right.
SPEAKER_1: I don't have to communicate with you.
SPEAKER_1: You're my friend.
SPEAKER_2: Right, and then we can hang out and we can make more Google calendar appointments without talking.
SPEAKER_2: Is it just pigs and bunnies on our friendship farm?
SPEAKER_2: Do we have anyone else?
SPEAKER_2: Do we have human friends?
SPEAKER_1: Presumably.
SPEAKER_2: Clair, I think the thing that we are describing is Stardew Valley.
SPEAKER_1: But Stardew Valley, you run away from all your friends because you presumably don't have any and then you go make some.
SPEAKER_2: Is that not what we're doing?
SPEAKER_1: Is Emily and Maru a pig and a bunny?
SPEAKER_2: No.
SPEAKER_1: But what if they were?
SPEAKER_2: But what if they were?
SPEAKER_2: What if this is like Stardew Valley and that there's a nearby town from which we can make lots of friends?
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so this is a little different than what I want, but like I'm into it.
SPEAKER_1: Moving to a new city, making a whole crew of friends, like, oh, I know nobody and nobody really likes me and who's that asshole?
SPEAKER_1: Oh, it's Shane, but like.
SPEAKER_2: One of the things that I do like about Stardew Valley is that it has all these festivals and holidays and like events that are like you go into the town and you hang out with people.
SPEAKER_1: We just need a new festival to gather all our friends.
SPEAKER_2: A festival that everyone is on board with.
SPEAKER_2: As holidays go right now, I don't think there is a holiday, which everyone I know is like, I like and celebrate this holiday.
SPEAKER_2: And so we simply need the new festival that everyone's gonna be on board with.
SPEAKER_1: Water day.
SPEAKER_2: We all need water.
SPEAKER_1: We come together and we drink water.
SPEAKER_2: Is there any advocacy for water access on this day?
SPEAKER_1: Yes.
SPEAKER_1: So there's water advocacy.
SPEAKER_2: So there's water advocacy.
SPEAKER_2: Love that.
SPEAKER_2: We all drink water.
SPEAKER_2: We all talk about how great water is.
SPEAKER_2: We think about water.
SPEAKER_2: We create water.
SPEAKER_1: I think maybe the water can just be an excuse to get together.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, I-
SPEAKER_2: We all sit in a circle and drink water.
SPEAKER_2: And we're like, wow, I love this festival.
SPEAKER_2: But that's basically what the festival is.
SPEAKER_2: It's water day.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: It'll be a super stat in that no one is allowed to work anywhere.
SPEAKER_1: Is it like the thing where like you're not allowed to turn light bulbs on because it's considered work?
SPEAKER_2: The core of what we're doing is we want everyone to be here to hang out with us.
SPEAKER_1: So we can turn the light bulb on.
SPEAKER_2: We can turn the light bulb on.
SPEAKER_2: You just have to like be able to get there.
SPEAKER_2: And if you're not able, then-
SPEAKER_1: You're still celebrating.
SPEAKER_2: You're still celebrating.
SPEAKER_1: Because you can drink water anywhere.
SPEAKER_2: You can drink water anywhere.
SPEAKER_1: Some people don't drink water.
SPEAKER_1: I'm just realizing that.
SPEAKER_2: What do you mean some people don't drink water?
SPEAKER_1: They'll drink like soda, and they'll get water via soda.
SPEAKER_2: That's drinking water.
SPEAKER_1: All right.
SPEAKER_2: Some people don't like to drink water on its own.
SPEAKER_2: That's correct.
SPEAKER_2: But that means we can have a premium water selection.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, we now like flavored water.
SPEAKER_2: You know, some flavored waters, we can have some like spring water.
SPEAKER_1: Ocean water.
SPEAKER_2: Fancy water.
SPEAKER_2: Ocean water, salt water for all your salty needs.
SPEAKER_1: If I drink more water, will I have more friends?
SPEAKER_2: Yes, that's how Water Day works.
SPEAKER_4: Clair is now chugging water.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, you don't have to drink it all right now.
SPEAKER_2: You don't have to drink it all right now.
SPEAKER_2: You can drink some.
SPEAKER_2: Oh my God, you're chugging.
SPEAKER_1: Do you want to give me a drink?
SPEAKER_2: I would love to.
SPEAKER_2: So I have been on a baking spree.
SPEAKER_2: I decided, because I am the way that I am, that for belated holiday stuff, I was going to make baked things for people.
SPEAKER_2: There was cookies, brownies, a loaf in there, there was scones, that sort of thing.
SPEAKER_2: I had a really good time with it.
SPEAKER_2: The problem, baking creates a lot of dishes.
SPEAKER_2: So my craving is for a better solution for dishes when baking.
SPEAKER_1: And we're not just gonna be like industrial dishwasher?
SPEAKER_2: We could, listen, we could say...
SPEAKER_1: What about the portable industrial dishwasher?
SPEAKER_2: Okay, tell me about the portable industrial dishwasher.
SPEAKER_3: So have you ever used an industrial dishwasher?
SPEAKER_2: I never have, no.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so basically for anyone who hasn't, if you line everything up in one rack, making sure that it can be hit, and then you sort of like pull, I don't know how to describe it other than like, it's a box and you just enclose the one layer and like it gets really, really hot.
SPEAKER_1: And then you like pull it back up after like 30 seconds or something and it's all clean.
SPEAKER_3: Wow.
SPEAKER_1: And, but it's like super hot.
SPEAKER_1: So you actually have to let it sit there for a second, unless you have kitchen hands and then you can grab it.
SPEAKER_1: But what if...
SPEAKER_2: Okay, how do we make that portable?
SPEAKER_1: So it's like one foot by one foot.
SPEAKER_1: So it's just like one dish at a time.
SPEAKER_2: That makes some sense.
SPEAKER_1: What are we calling it?
SPEAKER_1: It needs a catchy name.
SPEAKER_1: We're not gonna sell any of these without a catchy name.
SPEAKER_2: Industrish.
SPEAKER_1: What?
SPEAKER_2: Industrish.
SPEAKER_1: Is that just industrial dish?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: But it's not an, okay.
SPEAKER_2: Industrish.
SPEAKER_1: Industrish Industries presents their first product, Industrish.
SPEAKER_2: Industrish.
SPEAKER_2: I like this.
SPEAKER_1: It almost sounds like you're naming it.
SPEAKER_1: Like it's gonna talk to you.
SPEAKER_2: Like it's like, Oh, it probably will.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, cool.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, it's gonna have an AI in it.
SPEAKER_2: We know that.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, that's what it will do.
SPEAKER_3: I got hot in both.
SPEAKER_1: That's Toad's voice.
SPEAKER_4: The industrious.
SPEAKER_2: I like this.
SPEAKER_2: It does seem like a lot of effort to do one dish at a time.
SPEAKER_2: At that point, you may as well just be washing dishes by hand.
SPEAKER_2: I have a good addition to this.
SPEAKER_1: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_2: A great addition to this.
SPEAKER_2: You don't have to like plate, you know, it's like putting the dish in there and then turning it on and then taking the dish out and having to wait until it's like, Oh, it's so boring.
SPEAKER_2: It was more interesting.
SPEAKER_1: Conveyor belt?
SPEAKER_2: Well, I was gonna suggest you simply drop the dish into the thing.
SPEAKER_2: It catches it, cleans it, and then comes out the bottom.
SPEAKER_2: And then you just do that with every dish.
SPEAKER_1: What if I have an alternate solution, which is the same thing, but you just sort of throw it on the floor, but then it like pops out on the counter.
SPEAKER_2: That's super good too.
SPEAKER_1: It's just the other way.
SPEAKER_2: How do we ensure the dishes don't break?
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so like the thing about this is like, you don't have a real floor anymore.
SPEAKER_1: And I think you can wear like special boots whenever you're in your kitchen now, just so it like doesn't eat you.
SPEAKER_2: Let's make them slippers.
SPEAKER_2: Can we make them slippers?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, they're just like...
SPEAKER_2: This is exactly how I use my kitchen already.
SPEAKER_1: Cool, cool, cool.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, they come in a variety of like different...
SPEAKER_1: Like you can get like skin tight socks as well that make you feel like you're not wearing...
SPEAKER_1: This is for the weirdos who want to go bare feet in their own home.
SPEAKER_1: Anyways, I'm not judging you.
SPEAKER_1: You're weird.
SPEAKER_2: A real feety kitchen.
SPEAKER_1: You need to make sure the floor doesn't swallow you because the reason the dishes don't break is because the floor is sort of like padded where like it'll like get stuck, but then it'll look like quicksand where it just sort of melts into the floor.
SPEAKER_2: What sort of sound does it make when it does this?
SPEAKER_2: Is there also an AI involved in this where it's like...
SPEAKER_2: This is good because it provides an incentive to cook and bake because if you don't, it might eat you.
SPEAKER_1: Well not if you're wearing the shoes.
SPEAKER_1: That doesn't present a problem though if someone wanders into your kitchen without the shoes.
SPEAKER_2: You're hosting water day and someone's like, oh, you're like, okay, let me just grab you one from the kitchen.
SPEAKER_2: They're like, no, no, no, I can grab it.
SPEAKER_2: And they walk in.
SPEAKER_1: And they just get pooped out of the counter sparkly clean.
SPEAKER_1: Are they wearing clothes still?
SPEAKER_4: No.
SPEAKER_1: Oh no, it eats your clothes.
SPEAKER_2: The clothes also get popped out.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, they're like folded and clean.
SPEAKER_1: Wow, you can just throw your laundry on the floor.
SPEAKER_1: Wow, this is the best, we've made the best device.
SPEAKER_2: We've made, this is like, this is, the thing that we've made.
SPEAKER_1: You don't even have to take a shower.
SPEAKER_1: You just sort of fall on your floor.
SPEAKER_2: The thing that we've did, the thing that we've made is the modern equivalent of what housewives thought new technology was going to be in the 50s.
SPEAKER_2: It was like what everyone advertised.
SPEAKER_2: Why this thing's going to be so incredible that you're going to be able to do whatever with it, you know?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, you don't even have to care anymore.
SPEAKER_2: You don't have to care anymore.
SPEAKER_2: Your husband's clothes will get cleaned immediately.
SPEAKER_2: Now, this is what we're advertising, basically, is something that's like a magic product.
SPEAKER_2: It showers you.
SPEAKER_2: A magic, domestic product.
SPEAKER_1: It showers you, cleans and folds your laundry, and does your dishes.
SPEAKER_1: This is amazing.
SPEAKER_2: This is incredible.
SPEAKER_2: It's just the squeaky clean.
SPEAKER_2: That's what it's called, the squeaky clean.
SPEAKER_2: You just have to ignore the loud...
SPEAKER_1: And also, apparently, the moaning it does when you're trying to watch a movie at night and you haven't cooked in a while.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you try to turn it off and it's like, I'm sorry, Clair.
SPEAKER_2: I can't let you do that.
SPEAKER_1: I can only be turned on, not off.
SPEAKER_2: It's like one of those like, ooh, technology's scary, old things they show you in class.
SPEAKER_2: Do you remember these things?
SPEAKER_2: There's that one, the kids are like obsessed with that reality simulator, and then the parents are like, no, we should turn off the house and leave, and then they get eaten by tigers.
SPEAKER_4: What?
SPEAKER_4: I thought it was gonna get eaten by the house.
SPEAKER_2: Well, the house created a virtual reality with tigers in it, and then the tigers ate them.
SPEAKER_4: What?
SPEAKER_1: I know the Simpsons episode from season one, where like-
SPEAKER_2: That might be based on this.
SPEAKER_2: It's like an old short story.
SPEAKER_2: This was a thing that we were shown in school.
SPEAKER_2: I was very normal.
SPEAKER_2: I had a very normal experience in school, but we're making it real, and it's super convenient and great.
SPEAKER_1: And also a little annoying, apparently.
SPEAKER_2: It's not, yeah, it's not like threatening.
SPEAKER_1: It just moans at you.
SPEAKER_2: Anytime that you're gonna watch something, you just have to get some of your laundry and just throw it in there.
SPEAKER_1: Um, I had a bad addition.
SPEAKER_1: What if there's a bathroom version of this?
SPEAKER_1: Because it already said it towers you.
SPEAKER_1: But you know what else?
SPEAKER_4: I want poop, feed me poop, feed me poop.
SPEAKER_3: No, this is a bad, this is bad.
SPEAKER_2: You suggested it, this is your fault.
SPEAKER_2: This is your fault.
SPEAKER_2: This is all your fault.
SPEAKER_2: But I love this invention, the squeaky clean.
SPEAKER_1: I think it's the moany clean.
SPEAKER_2: Is it?
SPEAKER_1: One moan for clean, two moans for dirty.
SPEAKER_2: There is one other concern that I have.
SPEAKER_1: Oh.
SPEAKER_2: Which is, say you live in an apartment complex, where everyone has this.
SPEAKER_2: It's gonna be loud as fuck.
SPEAKER_2: You're gonna be like, going through your day, you're just gonna hear from upstairs.
SPEAKER_1: So wait, can you hear the upstairs one?
SPEAKER_2: Oh, it's loud.
SPEAKER_2: Remember, it's the floor, it's literally.
SPEAKER_1: It's out for walls and floors.
SPEAKER_2: Can you?
SPEAKER_1: You can, actually.
SPEAKER_2: With this guy?
SPEAKER_1: I mean, how loud are we talking?
SPEAKER_1: Can you give it like different accents?
SPEAKER_1: Can you make it British?
SPEAKER_3: Shhhhhh.
SPEAKER_2: Feed me, Clair, I want your clothes.
SPEAKER_3: I want to shower you, Clair.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, my cocaine, please feed me.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, my cocaine, I haven't eaten in five.
SPEAKER_3: Please feed me your body.
SPEAKER_2: In five, I've not eaten in five.
SPEAKER_4: I want to eat your body.
SPEAKER_2: I want to eat your dishes.
SPEAKER_2: Dishes, so all British people sound.
SPEAKER_2: Just like in Pokemon Sword and Shield.
SPEAKER_2: I think this is a perfect solution to my problem.
SPEAKER_1: Great.
SPEAKER_2: I would like to say it probably also encourages you while you're doing stuff in the kitchen.
SPEAKER_1: Is it nice encouragement, or is it like, do you always want this encouragement, or are you kind of tired?
SPEAKER_1: Is it like original encouragement?
SPEAKER_2: It does the best that it can, but sometimes you're like, yes, I fucking get it, okay?
SPEAKER_1: Make those cookies.
SPEAKER_2: I'm like, yes, I'm making them.
SPEAKER_1: Make those cookies good.
SPEAKER_2: Don't forget the baking soda.
SPEAKER_2: And you're like, put the baking soda in already.
SPEAKER_1: What if it would, what if you just poured all the food into the bowl, and it's just made cookies?
SPEAKER_1: And they were like really clean cookies.
SPEAKER_2: The thing that you suggested is a mixed success.
SPEAKER_2: It does do it, but you can't put it in the floor directly, you gotta put it in the oven.
SPEAKER_2: And when the oven opens up, it goes, like a mess.
SPEAKER_1: I thought the oven was just gonna disappear into the floor and then just pop back up.
SPEAKER_2: It can also do that.
SPEAKER_2: You'd be like, oven, please, oven arriving.
SPEAKER_2: God, the audio for this episode is awful.
SPEAKER_2: Oh my God, we're monsters.
SPEAKER_2: But then the oven appears and it opens up like, and then you have to put the food in the oven and then it, ding.
SPEAKER_2: This is our worst episode.
SPEAKER_2: Let's save it.
SPEAKER_2: And I know how we're gonna save it because we have a craving for a fan.
SPEAKER_2: So-
SPEAKER_1: Do you ever do an intro when we have craving for a fan?
SPEAKER_2: Craving, it's a craving.
SPEAKER_2: Fan craving, it's a craving.
SPEAKER_2: That's the intro that I've done every time.
SPEAKER_3: I forgot it was that bad.
SPEAKER_2: It's not great.
SPEAKER_2: You're the one who wanted it.
SPEAKER_4: I thought it was good.
SPEAKER_2: Craving, it's craving.
SPEAKER_3: Why is that?
SPEAKER_4: Don't just do it again.
SPEAKER_3: Craving, it's craving.
SPEAKER_2: Anyway, this one comes to us from Heather.
SPEAKER_2: Thank you, Heather.
SPEAKER_2: Heather says, I would like to submit the craving to be able to type well with long nails.
SPEAKER_2: This is a good craving and one that whenever I can manage to get my nails long or get my nails done for something, I do find it is a little difficult to type.
SPEAKER_1: I've never actually gotten like acrylics or gels or anything like that.
SPEAKER_1: I want them.
SPEAKER_2: They're good.
SPEAKER_2: They're a fun time.
SPEAKER_1: I never actually thought about, cause like I have a mechanical keyboard, which I feel like might be easier than a mechanical keyboard with nails, cause you can put like very little pressure on the keys.
SPEAKER_1: You just type in with your nails.
SPEAKER_2: The absolute worst thing is trying to type on a touchstone.
SPEAKER_2: A touchstone.
SPEAKER_2: A touch screen.
SPEAKER_1: So you have your little stone that you're trying to type on.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you're trying to type on the stone.
SPEAKER_1: You know when you're trying to inscribe stones, but you have your acrylics done.
SPEAKER_2: I know, I know.
SPEAKER_1: I can't make the 11th Amendment if I've just got my nails done.
SPEAKER_2: It's like, I may as well be trying to like carve on a slate, you know?
SPEAKER_1: I mean, what if it was like jelly?
SPEAKER_1: What if keyboards were jelly?
SPEAKER_2: I was wondering if you were going to say the nails or the keyboard.
SPEAKER_1: No, well, no, because you got your nails done.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, yeah, there's two, there's two solutions I see here.
SPEAKER_1: Soft nails?
SPEAKER_2: No, soft nails are interesting.
SPEAKER_2: Retractable nails.
SPEAKER_2: Nails that are like sort of Wolverine style.
SPEAKER_1: And they come out of your skin?
SPEAKER_2: They don't come out of your skin, but they do just sort of extend.
SPEAKER_2: They come out of your cuticles?
SPEAKER_2: Well, I guess they would have to come out of your, yeah, they come out of your cuticles.
SPEAKER_2: It doesn't hurt, it's fine.
SPEAKER_2: I've decided it doesn't hurt.
SPEAKER_2: The way that I'm going to make them, they just sort of, their long nails again, and then you're like.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, retractable is good.
SPEAKER_1: What if your keyboard was just slime?
SPEAKER_2: I like this.
SPEAKER_1: What if it was like, you know how you can sort of stick your fingers into slime and it makes the noises and whatnot?
SPEAKER_1: What if you did that and words appeared on a computer?
SPEAKER_2: I like that.
SPEAKER_2: How would it register?
SPEAKER_1: It's like a normal, it's like shaped like a keyboard, but like you stick your nail into it.
SPEAKER_1: So like you can type on it.
SPEAKER_2: Are you typing very slowly?
SPEAKER_2: Cause it's like, is that how slow it has to be?
SPEAKER_1: Maybe it's like water consistency where you can like move your fingers around in it and like you're typing like that.
SPEAKER_1: So you stick your finger in and it's like, you know, slide to text.
SPEAKER_1: It's like that, but like immerse your hand in jelly.
SPEAKER_2: I like this, what would work equally as well and has less slime involved.
SPEAKER_2: And listen, I don't wanna say that the slime is a bad thing.
SPEAKER_2: I'm in on the slime, but we could just do hologram.
SPEAKER_2: You know?
SPEAKER_1: Hologram nails?
SPEAKER_2: No, hologram keyboard.
SPEAKER_2: Oh.
SPEAKER_2: You know how in, so the Marvel movies are bad.
SPEAKER_2: But one of the coolest things about whole Iron Man shit is he has all of the holograms where he like moves shit with his fingers.
SPEAKER_2: And like, you know, he can move a hologram around and like expand and shit like that with you.
SPEAKER_1: So like that, but super not cool.
SPEAKER_1: And it's just a hologram keyboard.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_2: It's a hologram keyboard.
SPEAKER_2: And like, you could go through it and that's fine.
SPEAKER_2: Your nails can go through it and that's totally fine.
SPEAKER_1: But it doesn't go through your skin.
SPEAKER_1: So like, does keratin just like not go through it or gel?
SPEAKER_1: I guess fake nails aren't keratin.
SPEAKER_2: But even if they're real nails, right?
SPEAKER_2: I think it just goes, I think it just registers whatever skin is.
SPEAKER_1: What is skin?
SPEAKER_2: But then it's not accessible because some people don't have fingers.
SPEAKER_1: Don't have skin?
SPEAKER_2: Like that are like prosthetic and shit.
SPEAKER_1: True, true.
SPEAKER_2: So it just has to be, it just registers.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, skin glove.
SPEAKER_2: Skin glove.
SPEAKER_2: There we go, we nailed it.
SPEAKER_2: We nailed it, everyone.
SPEAKER_2: You just need a skin glove if you don't have skin on your.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, and that's perfect too, because then you can just put, if you have nails, you put the skin glove over your hand and it's just like typing with a bigger hand.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, just get the sized up hand, Mickey Mouse looking motherfucker out here with the big skin gloves.
SPEAKER_1: Introducing prosthetic yaoi hands.
SPEAKER_2: The solution to your nail problems is yaoi hands.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, we didn't, we arrived at it.
SPEAKER_1: It took us, we were roundabout, but it's prosthetic yaoi hands.
SPEAKER_2: I still think we can tuck the slime away for a future craving.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I mean, maybe-
SPEAKER_2: Listen, we bottled the slime already.
SPEAKER_2: We may as well use it for something.
SPEAKER_2: If anyone has suggestions for what we could do with the slime, let us know.
SPEAKER_1: We have so much slime now.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, we have a lot of slime.
SPEAKER_2: We were planning to mass produce these keyboards, and it's just too old.
SPEAKER_2: It's all right, now we have skin.
SPEAKER_2: Skin gloves!
SPEAKER_1: Skloves.
SPEAKER_2: Do you have a craving?
SPEAKER_1: Skloves.
SPEAKER_1: I won't, I just wanna, I'm just gonna be craving skloves for the rest of this episode.
SPEAKER_2: Fair.
SPEAKER_1: I've been really craving in sweet laundry.
SPEAKER_2: Well, I have some great news for you.
SPEAKER_1: Steal the laundry machine?
SPEAKER_2: No, I have great news for you, which is we already solved this craving where you put your laundry in the floor and it cleans it.
SPEAKER_1: We did, oh no.
SPEAKER_2: But say that you don't have the permits to install the squeaky clean.
SPEAKER_1: If I can't just rip out all of the floors in my apartment.
SPEAKER_2: The floors install squeaky clean.
SPEAKER_2: Like, landlord should let you do that.
SPEAKER_2: That should just be like freebie.
SPEAKER_2: But if you can't, let's talk about in sweet laundry.
SPEAKER_2: You have laundry in the building, just not in your suite.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it costs like very specifically two loonies for both a wash and then two loonies for a dry.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: So I need loonies at all time.
SPEAKER_1: And that's really the only thing that sucks.
SPEAKER_1: If I could pay with a card, I wouldn't care as much.
SPEAKER_1: Well, maybe it's just loonie collecting.
SPEAKER_2: Well, what if?
SPEAKER_1: Maybe I need like a loonie finder.
SPEAKER_2: I have a better idea.
SPEAKER_2: I'm just actually about to recommend a thing that people do with laundry machines, which is trick it into thinking that it's taken the money.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, the like, the coin finger.
SPEAKER_2: The coin finger or like, yeah, on a string, I think.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, on a string.
SPEAKER_1: I'm gonna try that.
SPEAKER_2: But the actual thing that I was gonna suggest, just a teleporting coin.
SPEAKER_2: Oh.
SPEAKER_2: So you put the loonies in.
SPEAKER_1: Like Percy Jackson?
SPEAKER_2: Yes.
SPEAKER_1: Or I guess not Percy Jackson.
SPEAKER_2: It is Percy Jackson.
SPEAKER_1: No, what's his name?
SPEAKER_1: It's not Percy Jackson.
SPEAKER_1: It's Jason.
SPEAKER_2: Jason has the-
SPEAKER_1: Jason has the coin.
SPEAKER_2: Right, Jason has the coin.
SPEAKER_2: So what you do, oh man, I hadn't considered how useful that would be.
SPEAKER_1: Oh damn.
SPEAKER_1: Not only like, does it teleport back to you.
SPEAKER_1: So like Jason's in Heroes of Olympus was a teen fiction written by-
SPEAKER_1: The author of the Percy Jackson series.
SPEAKER_1: Jason has like a coin that if you flip it on one side, it's a sword and the other side is a spear.
SPEAKER_1: Anyways, what if you flipped it and like one side teleported back to you?
SPEAKER_2: That's so fucking sick.
SPEAKER_1: It's such a good-
SPEAKER_1: It's so good.
SPEAKER_1: What if like it teleported back to you, but also like if you flipped it, it could turn into like laundry detergent.
SPEAKER_1: And then on the other side, it turned into like laundry sheet.
SPEAKER_2: Love it.
SPEAKER_1: This is the laundry coin.
SPEAKER_2: Love it.
SPEAKER_1: Is there like a clicky thing that like, what do I get?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it clicks.
SPEAKER_1: Like, but how do I activate the teleportation?
SPEAKER_1: How do I make sure that-
SPEAKER_2: You snap.
SPEAKER_1: But okay.
SPEAKER_1: But what if I'm like at like a concert or I go to poetry and I'm like, oh, that's some like really good poetry.
SPEAKER_1: And I like snap.
SPEAKER_1: And then suddenly I have my laundry coin on me.
SPEAKER_2: What are you gonna do?
SPEAKER_2: Lose it?
SPEAKER_1: Maybe.
SPEAKER_2: You can teleport it back to you.
SPEAKER_1: Wait, so, but what if somebody, like, what if I, let's say I lose it, right?
SPEAKER_1: Cause honestly-
SPEAKER_2: It's soul bonded.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, great.
SPEAKER_1: It's soul bonded to you.
SPEAKER_1: The landlord, like, finds it.
SPEAKER_2: Like, it's soul bonded to you cause you're a demigod, Clair, in this scenario.
SPEAKER_2: And by this scenario, I mean real.
SPEAKER_2: Who do you think, okay, this is always a fun thing to do.
SPEAKER_2: Who's my godly parent?
SPEAKER_2: Who's your godly parent?
SPEAKER_2: That's a question I wanna know.
SPEAKER_1: Roman or Greek?
SPEAKER_1: If we're going off of the Heroes of Olympus franchise.
SPEAKER_2: I feel like mine would distinctly be Greek because of just, like, that was the one that really got me.
SPEAKER_2: I still have not finished Heroes of Olympus.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know enough history, but I also haven't finished Heroes of Olympus, and I was obsessed with Greek mythology as a child, so I'm gonna go with Greek.
SPEAKER_2: Which one fits for you?
SPEAKER_1: But it's not realistic because I've always wanted my godly parent to be Artemis, but Artemis doesn't have children.
SPEAKER_2: I know.
SPEAKER_2: You can still be part of Artemis' crew, but that doesn't determine your godly parent.
SPEAKER_1: My favorite thing about reading Percy Jackson was always daydreaming about being part of Artemis' hunters, which was a big trans mood because only women could join.
SPEAKER_2: My big trans mood was I just wanted to be Annabeth.
SPEAKER_2: I just wanted to be Annabeth.
SPEAKER_2: My answer when I was a child was definitely Athena.
SPEAKER_2: It was definitely my godly parent is Athena.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know if that's accurate at this point.
SPEAKER_4: I mean, knowing who you are.
SPEAKER_1: You are like the bookworm.
SPEAKER_2: I am, I am that vibe.
SPEAKER_1: You are the Athena child.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: I think my godly parent is Hephaestus, if I'm being real.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, that's interesting.
SPEAKER_2: And that makes sense.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, unfortunately, I don't like Hephaestus.
SPEAKER_4: Okay, but Hephaestus' children are cool.
SPEAKER_1: I was gonna be like not a lot of Hephaestus' children like Hephaestus, so like.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that seems about right.
SPEAKER_2: Is it, is Leo his kid?
SPEAKER_1: Leo is the child of Hephaestus.
SPEAKER_2: Leo was rad.
SPEAKER_2: Anyway, the other thing about having in sweet laundry is that it's a lot more convenient to just be able to just like.
SPEAKER_2: Like one of the things with moving from having it like when I was living with you, right, and having to go down.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you have to go do it.
SPEAKER_1: You can't just let it sit there for like an extra 10 minutes.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, now I have laundry like literally right outside my door.
SPEAKER_2: So, we simply need to find a way to get you some laundry machines into your apartment.
SPEAKER_1: What if I just stole the laundry machines?
SPEAKER_1: I would still have to pay for them.
SPEAKER_1: What if we build laundry machines?
SPEAKER_2: What?
SPEAKER_1: What if we build them?
SPEAKER_4: We could have built them to look like anything, but we make them look like laundry machines.
SPEAKER_3: So, I want a divine laundry machine.
SPEAKER_2: The divine laundry.
SPEAKER_1: I launder the divine.
SPEAKER_3: God, this is such a niche show.
SPEAKER_4: I know.
SPEAKER_2: We need to get off.
SPEAKER_2: We need to stop referencing Friends at the Table in every podcast.
SPEAKER_2: But we could have some AI laundry machines.
SPEAKER_1: No, I don't want to talk to my laundry.
SPEAKER_2: Why not?
SPEAKER_1: That's my least favorite part of laundry when I'm doing laundry and someone is there and I have to try to talk to them.
SPEAKER_1: I don't want anyone to talk to me while I'm doing laundry.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so the laundry machine doesn't talk, but it does know.
SPEAKER_1: It knows.
SPEAKER_4: It knows.
SPEAKER_2: And you feel like it's judging you sometimes.
SPEAKER_1: But it's been like a month since you did laundry.
SPEAKER_1: Really?
SPEAKER_4: It doesn't say that, but you kinda get that vibe.
SPEAKER_2: It's just sort of like...
SPEAKER_1: It doesn't have eyes.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, it has eyes and eyebrows.
SPEAKER_1: No, no, it doesn't have eyes, only eyebrows.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, it's perfect.
SPEAKER_2: It has eyebrows.
SPEAKER_2: And it's just like...
SPEAKER_1: One of them just raises.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, sometimes you like put in underwear and the eyebrows like go up and like, oh no, surprise.
SPEAKER_2: That's an exceptionally salty snack right there.
SPEAKER_2: We'll just make them with like a 3D printer, right?
SPEAKER_2: We can just 3D print some laundry machines, right?
SPEAKER_2: That's normal.
SPEAKER_1: You can 3D print anything.
SPEAKER_2: You can 3D print anything.
SPEAKER_2: Or is this more like a build a PC type deal?
SPEAKER_1: What do we really need?
SPEAKER_1: We need like a colander.
SPEAKER_1: We need like maybe a spiral.
SPEAKER_2: I totally know how laundry machines work.
SPEAKER_2: You need a place for the soap, which could be just in the laundry.
SPEAKER_1: Right, right, right.
SPEAKER_3: That's just a bucket.
SPEAKER_1: And so like, you know what you strain like pasta out of?
SPEAKER_1: That's like where you put the clothes, right?
SPEAKER_3: But that's like the same deal.
SPEAKER_3: It has holes in it.
SPEAKER_1: It's round.
SPEAKER_4: We need some tubes.
SPEAKER_1: Some tubes, straws.
SPEAKER_4: Yeah, straws.
SPEAKER_1: I got some straws.
SPEAKER_4: For water.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: It needs to rattle.
SPEAKER_2: That's crucial to laundry machines.
SPEAKER_2: I know that.
SPEAKER_1: Cat toys.
SPEAKER_1: I got cat toys.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, perfect.
SPEAKER_1: Buttons?
SPEAKER_2: And then just a box around it.
SPEAKER_2: And then we need some dials.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know what they do, but we need them.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, I could get a rotary phone.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, perfect.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, take the dials off of that.
SPEAKER_2: I've seen like a laundry machine in me.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I don't.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I mean, I'm not an engineer.
SPEAKER_1: If we just like tape together a bunch of hair dryers, is that enough?
SPEAKER_1: What if we tape them in a circle and they're just all blowing at once?
SPEAKER_2: That seems like it would work.
SPEAKER_1: What if we convert an oven?
SPEAKER_1: Hey, what if we just get a new oven and then we convert the old oven into like a dryer?
SPEAKER_3: Perfect.
SPEAKER_1: How is a dryer different from an oven?
SPEAKER_2: Less heat.
SPEAKER_1: Then you can just put the oven on low.
SPEAKER_2: That's how dryers work, as far as I'm aware.
SPEAKER_2: I think they also rattle.
SPEAKER_1: I was just throwing more cat toys, and it's fine.
SPEAKER_2: We built laundry machines.
SPEAKER_2: And oh, the eyebrows are important.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, well, I'll shave mine off.
SPEAKER_3: That's how I know when it's judging me, because it has an essence of myself.
SPEAKER_2: It's you judging yourself.
SPEAKER_4: You were the laundry divine all along.
SPEAKER_1: Excuse my like divergence back to Friends at the Table.
SPEAKER_2: What does the Laundry's...
SPEAKER_2: If you don't care about Friends at the Table, just like skip forward like a couple of minutes.
SPEAKER_1: What is the Laundry's pilot's name?
SPEAKER_2: Your name is...
SPEAKER_2: I'm just looking randomly through my list of names.
SPEAKER_2: Tomato Bisque.
SPEAKER_1: So my name is Tomato Bisque, and my excerpt name is...
SPEAKER_1: I spilled Tomato Bisque on my shirt, and now I must clean it, for otherwise my enemies will not take me seriously.
SPEAKER_3: And this is why I am the excerpt of Fonder.
SPEAKER_2: They mark scars of light in Tomato Bisque.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_1: What's your craving?
SPEAKER_2: Well, my other craving.
SPEAKER_2: I would like to know what I need to know about adulting.
SPEAKER_2: I simply want to know things.
SPEAKER_2: I want to know what I need to know, because there's a lot of very confusing things in the world.
SPEAKER_2: For example, taxes.
SPEAKER_2: How do those work?
SPEAKER_2: What do I need to know about taxes?
SPEAKER_2: What documents should I be saving?
SPEAKER_2: It's impossible.
SPEAKER_2: But my genuine thing is like, it feels very often like as I've started living on my own, which I have been living on my own for some time now, I find out more and more about things that I probably should have known sooner because I've been doing things like a way that has caused problems for me, but I didn't realize it was causing problems for me.
SPEAKER_2: You know when you're like several months into and you're like, oh, I could have just been doing this this way.
SPEAKER_2: This would have been easier.
SPEAKER_2: I've been having that a whole lot of times.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, if it makes you feel better, whenever I used to wash my hands, I'd stick both my hands under the water first before getting soap, and then I would drip water under the soap.
SPEAKER_2: So like...
SPEAKER_2: Oh, wait, that's smart.
SPEAKER_4: This is what I mean.
SPEAKER_2: I do that where I get water on my hands first, and I never thought to just soap them up first.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, that makes a lot of sense, but I didn't know that I would even be a thing that would make my life better.
SPEAKER_2: And there's lots of things that are like this for me where I'm like, oh, I could have just been doing this.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: That's my main thing at this point is like, there's so much that I just don't know that I don't know.
SPEAKER_2: You know?
SPEAKER_2: I don't know that I didn't know that there's a better way to wash your hands.
SPEAKER_2: How do I find this information?
SPEAKER_2: Because I can Google a thing if I know that I don't know it.
SPEAKER_2: I can Google, okay, what do the laundry things mean, the like little symbols.
SPEAKER_2: But if I don't know that there's a better way to wash my hands, I'm not going to Google what's the best way to wash your hands.
SPEAKER_2: This is genuinely the way that my brain works very often is like, well, this thing is annoying.
SPEAKER_2: I guess that's just a thing I have to live with.
SPEAKER_2: There's no possible solution to this thing.
SPEAKER_1: Maybe you just need to forget how to do everything and relearn it.
SPEAKER_2: But how will I make sure I relearn them right this time?
SPEAKER_1: Well, if you learn it the same way, we'll just make you forget again.
SPEAKER_1: Until you finally get it right.
SPEAKER_2: This is sort of trial and error thing.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Cool.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, I remember what my example was.
SPEAKER_2: This is the laundry episode of Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: My whole thing was I was always separating my darks and my lights.
SPEAKER_1: But you don't have to if you do it in cold water.
SPEAKER_2: You don't have to if you do it in cold water.
SPEAKER_2: That was always the way that I had done it, because that was the way that my parents taught me to do it.
SPEAKER_2: That was the way that I was like super certain.
SPEAKER_2: This is the way that you do it.
SPEAKER_2: That's not a thing I didn't know I didn't know.
SPEAKER_2: So how would I have found that out otherwise?
SPEAKER_2: What other things don't I know?
SPEAKER_2: So I just have to forget everything.
SPEAKER_2: You're right.
SPEAKER_2: What am I going to do as I have to relearn everything?
SPEAKER_2: What am I going to do with my life?
SPEAKER_2: Because there's a lot of things.
SPEAKER_2: That's going to take a long time for me to relearn things.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know how I'm going to live on my own.
SPEAKER_2: Also, where am I relearning this from?
SPEAKER_1: I think just life experience.
SPEAKER_1: Like you're just going to get things wrong for a while.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, great.
SPEAKER_1: I think that's okay.
SPEAKER_1: Maybe.
SPEAKER_2: What if not knowing anything, what if it makes me do really bad things?
SPEAKER_2: Like not realizing, oh, I need to turn off the oven.
SPEAKER_2: So I leave the oven on and then I burn down my house.
SPEAKER_1: Couldn't leave an oven on for a really long time.
SPEAKER_1: Speaking as someone who's definitely forgotten to turn the oven off.
SPEAKER_2: So I just have to forget and relearn everything.
SPEAKER_2: Is there a way we can expedite this process?
SPEAKER_2: Make it faster.
SPEAKER_1: So recently, apparently, there's like research going into like being able to make someone experience a thousand years in eight hours.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I saw that.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: So what if we just did that, but pretty fun things?
SPEAKER_2: God.
SPEAKER_1: So like you get a thousand years to just like perfect the art of laundry.
SPEAKER_1: It's like eight hours later and you're like, ah, you can call me the laundry god.
SPEAKER_2: Do you know about time prison?
SPEAKER_2: I've heard of it.
SPEAKER_2: God.
SPEAKER_2: The one that I know is from the meme where Shadow the Hedgehog is talking about his time in time prison.
SPEAKER_2: Have you seen this?
SPEAKER_1: No.
SPEAKER_2: I need to see if I can find this.
SPEAKER_2: Oh my God.
SPEAKER_2: It's very good.
SPEAKER_2: Do you want me to read this?
SPEAKER_1: Sure.
SPEAKER_2: The Hedgehog's bunny says, Sorry it took us so long to save you from time prison, Shadow.
SPEAKER_2: So what did you do in time prison, Shadow?
SPEAKER_2: Well, after 50 years, I started to feel like I was losing my sanity.
SPEAKER_2: So I started to break my fingers and I would just...
SPEAKER_2: Okay, content warning for body horror.
SPEAKER_2: After 50 years, I started to feel like I was losing my sanity.
SPEAKER_2: So I started to break my fingers and I would just break my fingers and set them again.
SPEAKER_2: I started breaking all my bones.
SPEAKER_4: I broke every bone in my hands.
SPEAKER_2: I broke my arms separately.
SPEAKER_2: Then I started to break my own ribs.
SPEAKER_2: I broke my femurs.
SPEAKER_2: It took a while.
SPEAKER_2: And then I healed and broke them again.
SPEAKER_2: After 5000 years, my bones were all scar tissue.
SPEAKER_2: They had all grown so solidly back together that I was unable to move.
SPEAKER_2: After another 5000 years of furious, infinitesimal movement, I built up enough muscle mass to spontaneously break any bone in my body and then I could move again.
SPEAKER_2: My body had done so much healing that I healed almost instantly.
SPEAKER_2: This is all I do now.
SPEAKER_2: Every time I move my body, my bones shatter and heal back into my next shape.
SPEAKER_2: And I take a single step, every bone in my leg splinters and then reforms.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know what pain is because I haven't been alive for 10 million years.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, Shadow, Sonic says, okay, Shadow, but it looks like you're just walking normal.
SPEAKER_2: I know.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, well, that's stupid.
SPEAKER_4: What?
SPEAKER_2: So what you're suggesting is time prison.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: But for laundry.
SPEAKER_1: You just do laundry for 10 million years and then you come out of it.
SPEAKER_4: I am the divine laundry.
SPEAKER_2: Time prison is a solution, possibly.
SPEAKER_2: What if I just had someone to teach me things that I should know?
SPEAKER_3: Why do you always go to AI?
SPEAKER_2: It doesn't have to be an AI.
SPEAKER_2: It could be a person, but it seems better on the labor front to have it be an AI.
SPEAKER_2: Do you care about labor, Clair?
SPEAKER_2: Then everything has to be robots.
SPEAKER_2: Because otherwise, the only other option is that I have a person following me around, and I can't afford to pay them very well.
SPEAKER_1: What if one of your friends helps you?
SPEAKER_1: Hey, what if you learn things from your friends?
SPEAKER_2: Friendship?
SPEAKER_2: What is this, the friendship farm?
SPEAKER_4: Yeah.
SPEAKER_4: Oh.
SPEAKER_1: Like how I just taught you that you can wash your hands in a different way.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah!
SPEAKER_1: You can do laundry with your friends.
SPEAKER_2: Clair, this whole time, I was so focused on time prison, or AI, to teach me things.
SPEAKER_2: I had forgotten about the power of friendship.
SPEAKER_2: I think that's the podcast.
SPEAKER_2: Because here's your salty surprise.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, wait.
SPEAKER_2: Why is it shaped like a horse?
SPEAKER_2: Oh, well, that's part of the surprise.
SPEAKER_2: It's always shaped like a different animal.
SPEAKER_1: Was there, I mean, okay.
SPEAKER_2: It wasn't made from horse, but that's what you're asking.
SPEAKER_2: It wasn't, it definitely wasn't.
SPEAKER_1: Cool.
SPEAKER_1: Can I get some utensils?
SPEAKER_2: Um, hmm.
SPEAKER_2: We don't really do those here.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, is it okay if I just pick it up then?
SPEAKER_2: Of course, yeah, that's what we expect.
SPEAKER_3: Why is the plate sticking to it?
SPEAKER_1: This is like really stuck.
SPEAKER_2: Well, the plate is for all the drippings to go on when you eat it, so you pick up the plate.
SPEAKER_2: That's what you use your hands for.
SPEAKER_2: You weren't touching the actual horse, were you?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you pick it up by the plate.
SPEAKER_2: You know how a bar and grill works?
SPEAKER_1: So I just sort of like lick it?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah, so you lick it, then you bite it.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, you could bite it.
SPEAKER_2: You don't have to lick it.
SPEAKER_2: You could just bite it.
SPEAKER_2: You really want the spice and the herbs.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know if I'm hungry anymore.
SPEAKER_2: Well, if you don't like it, you can just say so.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, I don't know if I want to try it.
SPEAKER_2: Well, I mean, that is kind of disrespectful to the chef.
SPEAKER_1: It doesn't look that good.
SPEAKER_2: It is kind of disrespectful to the chef.
SPEAKER_2: You know, I just work here, so it's not my problem.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I mean, I'm glad you understand.
SPEAKER_1: I think I'm just gonna go.
SPEAKER_1: Like, I don't really want this anymore.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, well, we do have to tell everyone where they can find our podcast.
SPEAKER_1: Where can I find it?
SPEAKER_2: Wait, what if I want to flag this as inappropriate?
SPEAKER_2: Right, so if you want to flag this as inappropriate, which I don't know why you would.
SPEAKER_2: This was clearly a very appropriate episode.
SPEAKER_2: There was no discussion of time prison.
SPEAKER_2: We're floor swallowing.
SPEAKER_2: You can find us on social media at Salt Cravings on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
SPEAKER_2: You can find our Patreon, patreon.com, saltcravings.
SPEAKER_2: Give us a dollar there if you want to hear us keep doing this.
SPEAKER_1: I can't believe this bar and grill got the name Salt Cravings on social media.
SPEAKER_1: That's so amazing.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I can't believe we did that.
SPEAKER_2: It's really incredible.
SPEAKER_2: I'm really proud of this bar and grill.
SPEAKER_2: And if you like this show, you could give us a rating.
SPEAKER_2: If you don't like this show, don't.
SPEAKER_2: If you like this show, give us a rating.
SPEAKER_3: What if I feel lukewarm about this show?
SPEAKER_2: Give us a five-star rating.
SPEAKER_2: iTunes, Stitcher, really a podcast thing that supports.
SPEAKER_2: Reviews, give us a review.
SPEAKER_2: Give us a rating.
SPEAKER_2: We really appreciate it.
SPEAKER_2: You can also submit Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: It's what Heather did.
SPEAKER_2: You can submit Cravings, and we'll talk about them and solve them for you, like with slimy keyboards or hologram keyboards.
SPEAKER_2: You can do that at submissions.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, or the S'glove.
SPEAKER_1: The S'glove is the best invention.
SPEAKER_2: You can go to submissions at saltcravings.com for that.
SPEAKER_2: Is there anything else?
SPEAKER_1: For respect and digital sovereignty, stand with what's your nation.