SPEAKER_2: Hey, everyone, welcome to Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: I'm Sonic.
SPEAKER_2: Hey, Pikachu, how are you doing today?
SPEAKER_2: So, what's it like having your movie beaten by mine?
SPEAKER_2: Yes, it's me, Sonic, from the popular film, Sonic the Hedgehog, which is blowing everyone's mind.
SPEAKER_2: And I'm here to give the intro to our two hosts today for this podcast here, both avid fans of me, Clair and Brianna.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, hey, thanks.
SPEAKER_2: Thanks, Sonic.
SPEAKER_1: I need to leave.
SPEAKER_2: What?
SPEAKER_2: You love Sonic?
SPEAKER_1: I need to leave.
SPEAKER_1: I couldn't, I couldn't.
SPEAKER_2: Hey, what's the problem, Clair?
SPEAKER_2: But I was a child in the movie.
SPEAKER_2: You can't say that to a child.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, first off, we don't even know that.
SPEAKER_2: I sure acted like a child.
SPEAKER_2: I acted like I was six.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: So, Sonic the Hedgehog came out.
SPEAKER_1: I waited so long.
SPEAKER_2: It's a pretty generic kids movie.
SPEAKER_1: But the thing is, it's...
SPEAKER_1: Can we just talk about Sonic this whole episode?
SPEAKER_1: Cause like spoilers for Sonic, can we?
SPEAKER_1: Can we spoilers for Sonic this episode?
SPEAKER_2: I am super happy to do spoilers for Sonic.
SPEAKER_2: I will put a timestamp in the description of when the spoilers start and when the spoilers end.
SPEAKER_1: If you don't wanna listen to Sonic's spoilers, check out the timestamp.
SPEAKER_1: We're talking about them now.
SPEAKER_2: Can we get Sonic out of the room?
SPEAKER_1: Okay, yeah, just go.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, cool, so like the first fucking thing they do is, so I bet you're wondering how I got here.
SPEAKER_3: And like, I fucking lost it.
SPEAKER_1: I just couldn't handle it.
SPEAKER_1: I was like, are they actually doing this?
SPEAKER_1: Like, they're not even, they're not even, they're not even trying.
SPEAKER_1: Like, I think that's it.
SPEAKER_1: That's all, like my whole review.
SPEAKER_1: I went into the, okay, so I went into Sonic being like, I don't wanna walk out of Sonic thinking about a critical analysis of Sonic.
SPEAKER_1: I just wanna have a good time.
SPEAKER_1: And I did it because it destroyed my brain cells and I'm no longer able to apply critical analysis to anything.
SPEAKER_3: I, on that, and also can we talk about the product placement for fucking Olive Garden.
SPEAKER_2: So yeah, the first thing is, there's so many things.
SPEAKER_2: The first thing that I think we can talk about is there was some product placement, including some product placement for Olive Garden.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, lots of Olive Garden, lots of some like-
SPEAKER_1: I don't even remember.
SPEAKER_1: There were so many things.
SPEAKER_1: The shoes, the shoes.
SPEAKER_1: There was some like app or whatever, probably.
SPEAKER_2: Shout out to Cops, who we love now.
SPEAKER_1: Oh my God.
SPEAKER_1: I watched the trailers.
SPEAKER_1: I knew it was gonna be a cop movie, but I didn't know it was gonna be like-
SPEAKER_2: A dude who wants to go to San Francisco so he can be a street cop.
SPEAKER_1: He's like, I'm not a cop enough.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, he was like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like.
SPEAKER_2: I'm kind of a small town, which means I don't get to, like, an okay person.
SPEAKER_2: fucking harass and abuse people.
SPEAKER_2: I'm gonna go to San Francisco where I can beat up gay people.
SPEAKER_2: It's awful.
SPEAKER_2: It's like, ugh.
SPEAKER_1: Like, he literally complains because it's like, oh, and I have to like go help my neighbors.
SPEAKER_1: And it's like, that's like amazing.
SPEAKER_2: What you should be doing.
SPEAKER_1: You get paid to like go help your neighbors.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, for real.
SPEAKER_2: Even just, even if we were to overlook that character, who, well, I'll have you know, he's not racist.
SPEAKER_2: He's married to a black woman.
SPEAKER_2: Which is my favorite way of showing that a cop is not racist.
SPEAKER_1: Her sister.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, the way they treat her sister is so racist and so shitty.
SPEAKER_2: It's really bad.
SPEAKER_2: Let's move past that.
SPEAKER_2: Let's just talk about Sonic.
SPEAKER_2: Let's just talk about this character who's not Sonic.
SPEAKER_2: And that's okay.
SPEAKER_2: Like, I will say, Ben Schwartz's voice acting, he does a fine Sonic.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, he's fine.
SPEAKER_1: He's Sonic.
SPEAKER_1: I've watched a few videos with him on YouTube.
SPEAKER_1: He has like kind of a chaotic energy.
SPEAKER_1: He has a chaotic, capitalist energy of like, I'm here to do business, and my business is being funny sort of energy.
SPEAKER_2: Exactly.
SPEAKER_2: He does a fine job with the voice.
SPEAKER_2: The voice is fine, but like everything else, it's like in the film, it's just like, Sonic can have little of personality as a treat.
SPEAKER_2: Instead, for most of the thing, he is just a child.
SPEAKER_2: He is just like a kid.
SPEAKER_2: It is just like a pretty generic, like alien from another world, like kid alien from another world type plot line, but not done particularly well.
SPEAKER_1: God, I can't believe Sonic the Hedgehog is Ben 10.
SPEAKER_2: It is, it is, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Like it's fucking, it's like in the tradition of ET.
SPEAKER_1: I can't wait for the Sonic the Werehog movie so that we can actually have the Ben 10 references of Transforming.
SPEAKER_1: Also, sorry, one more thing.
SPEAKER_2: No, we have so many more things to go.
SPEAKER_1: But another thing is the end of the movie, the after credits movie thing is Tails shows up.
SPEAKER_1: And he looks completely super normal.
SPEAKER_1: Can you imagine that with Sonic the Hedgehog looking all fucked up?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it would be wild.
SPEAKER_2: It would be so wild.
SPEAKER_2: My girlfriend and I went to see it.
SPEAKER_2: She was very excited when Tails showed up on screen.
SPEAKER_2: I'm like, I hope they make a Sonic, a second Sonic movie so that we can see Tails in action.
SPEAKER_1: Full disclosure, I want another Sonic.
SPEAKER_2: Like, yeah, no, like I genuinely, I hope it, I'm glad that it's like doing a little bit well.
SPEAKER_2: I like, I'm not-
SPEAKER_1: Apparently it's doing really well.
SPEAKER_2: Apparently it's doing really well.
SPEAKER_2: And-
SPEAKER_1: God, I hope they go, but also the fucking eight bit, like just the whole movie again, but in eight bit credits.
SPEAKER_1: Why didn't we just get that?
SPEAKER_1: Why didn't we just get an eight bit movie?
SPEAKER_2: That would be sick as hell.
SPEAKER_2: There's a couple of things that we need to talk about with Jim Carrey.
SPEAKER_1: Oh my God.
SPEAKER_2: First of all, this was just, this was not Eggman.
SPEAKER_2: This was Jim Carrey playing a Jim Carrey character, which is fine.
SPEAKER_2: The end, I will say, the end sequence with Eggman in the mushroom world, that's Eggman.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: That's the Eggman I can respect.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, with the mustache.
SPEAKER_2: Not even just the look, but like the vibe.
SPEAKER_1: The whole Mr.
SPEAKER_1: Stone character was there for that one fucking joke at the end.
SPEAKER_1: And I'll never not be mad about that.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, and I will say though, that like Mr.
SPEAKER_2: Stone, that's the, is that the-
SPEAKER_1: I mean, I only remember his name was Mr.
SPEAKER_1: Stone because at the end, there's a rock that he's carved Mr.
SPEAKER_1: Stone's face into it and be like, ha ha, get it, Mr.
SPEAKER_1: And like, he's like, I'm doing a pun.
SPEAKER_2: That the only joke in this movie that really worked for me was when he's like getting prepared to get angry at Mr.
SPEAKER_2: Stone, he's just like pin yourself to the wall, which is so good.
SPEAKER_2: So it just like does it.
SPEAKER_2: Otherwise, he's just a weirdly homoerotic punching bag.
SPEAKER_2: The other thing that's wild about Eggman is that there is a scene near the beginning of the movie where they're talking about Dr.
SPEAKER_2: Eggman that implies that Dr.
SPEAKER_2: Eggman committed drone warfare in the Middle East.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, no, he like destroyed a country?
SPEAKER_2: He like, they say something along the lines of like, oh, did you ever hear about the coup in like this Middle Eastern country and this like overthrow of this place?
SPEAKER_2: And they're like, no.
SPEAKER_2: And he's like, exactly, that's what he did.
SPEAKER_2: And it's like, and you know that Dr.
SPEAKER_2: Eggman's whole thing is dealing with the drones.
SPEAKER_2: So there is a heavy implication that Dr.
SPEAKER_2: Eggman committed drone warfare in the Middle East.
SPEAKER_1: I didn't think about the specifically drone warfare, but like, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: But that's even bad enough is just like, wait, the Sonic villain overthrew, like literally committed war crimes for the United States of America?
SPEAKER_2: Are you fucking kidding me?
SPEAKER_1: It's a very like US production of Sonic the Hedgehog, and also kind of a little on the nose, but.
SPEAKER_2: And even with that, there is like this, this like, you know, at the end it's like, oh, the US military is totally fine, and is good actually, because they're like, they want to get rid of.
SPEAKER_1: Because they gave them an Olive Garden.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, because they gave them an Olive Garden.
SPEAKER_1: Here's $50 to Olive Garden.
SPEAKER_2: So it's fine actually.
SPEAKER_1: Really the breadsticks.
SPEAKER_1: That was like an actual line or something.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, whereas what would actually happen is that both of them would get shot in the head.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, like it didn't make sense.
SPEAKER_1: Thank you for not talking about this.
SPEAKER_1: Here's $50.
SPEAKER_1: That's the end.
SPEAKER_1: You're never gonna hear from us again.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, it's a kid's movie, right?
SPEAKER_2: Like it's a kid's movie.
SPEAKER_2: I get it, they have to tie up all the loose ends cleanly.
SPEAKER_2: And if they're gonna introduce the military, that means that anything that they do that isn't literally these two people get shot is going to be unrealistic.
SPEAKER_2: But still, that's a weird thing.
SPEAKER_1: They moved back into the house that the military knew they lived in.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: And then they adopted a child hedgehog.
SPEAKER_2: They adopted a kid hedgehog.
SPEAKER_1: And everyone's just okay with that.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, which like...
SPEAKER_1: The whole town is...
SPEAKER_2: Okay.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, listen, the problem is not that the movie is unrealistic.
SPEAKER_2: We knew it was gonna be unrealistic.
SPEAKER_2: No, that's fine.
SPEAKER_2: I'm totally fine with that.
SPEAKER_1: I don't care about that.
SPEAKER_2: The problem is that it isn't good.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, God, there were so many parts where I was cringing and I just couldn't look, not because of gore or anything, just because it physically hurt to consume the product that was the Sonic the Hedgehog movie.
SPEAKER_2: Here's some things I will say.
SPEAKER_2: The Sonic movie is for kids.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: I'm fine with that.
SPEAKER_1: Absolutely.
SPEAKER_2: The kids in the theater seem to really enjoy the movie.
SPEAKER_1: There were maybe five people in the theater.
SPEAKER_2: There were a bunch of kids when we went.
SPEAKER_2: We went on Valentine's Day, right?
SPEAKER_2: And third thing is kids deserve a better Sonic movie.
SPEAKER_1: True.
SPEAKER_2: Like, true.
SPEAKER_2: Like, yeah, like it's one thing to be like, oh, well it's for kids.
SPEAKER_2: And this is a take that I've seen.
SPEAKER_2: And I'm like, okay, I'm fine with it being for kids.
SPEAKER_2: And I don't need it to be like for gamers, for Sonic fans, whatever the fuck.
SPEAKER_2: But you can have a kids movie that's also a good movie.
SPEAKER_2: That's a thing that animation has figured out that I don't think live action kids movies have learned yet.
SPEAKER_1: I just want an animated Sonic movie.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, me too.
SPEAKER_2: I want Sonic X back.
SPEAKER_2: That's what I want.
SPEAKER_2: For the second Sonic movie, I want all of Sonic's friends there.
SPEAKER_2: I-
SPEAKER_1: Right?
SPEAKER_1: They animated Green Hills.
SPEAKER_1: Like the opening of the movie is like Green Hills.
SPEAKER_1: And then we just never visit that.
SPEAKER_2: Instead, we go to a town called Green Hills instead of the Green Hill Zone.
SPEAKER_1: Which is very funny, I will admit.
SPEAKER_1: But like they clearly could have just made a really good Sonic movie.
SPEAKER_2: And I want it to be, listen, next movie, make it about-
SPEAKER_1: Just send Sonic back.
SPEAKER_2: Send Sonic back, make it about the Chaos Emeralds.
SPEAKER_2: Like do that whole goddamn thing.
SPEAKER_1: Don't make it about the Chaos Emeralds.
SPEAKER_1: They're gonna-
SPEAKER_2: Please make it about the Chaos Emeralds.
SPEAKER_1: It's gonna be so bad if they make it about the Chaos Emeralds.
SPEAKER_2: Just make it an adventure movie.
SPEAKER_2: Like truly-
SPEAKER_1: All right, make it a seven movie franchise.
SPEAKER_1: Like the Harry Potter one per Emerald.
SPEAKER_1: And it's like we meet a new character every movie.
SPEAKER_2: Oh God.
SPEAKER_2: I just like want them all to be introduced to the same character because if we just get Tails, then that means it's gonna be Sonic 3 plus Knuckles, which would be fucked.
SPEAKER_1: Fuck yeah.
SPEAKER_1: And then Rouge.
SPEAKER_2: And then Shadow the Hedgehog.
SPEAKER_1: No, Shadow is the penultimate character because the finale is Sonic and Shadow kissing.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, oh yeah.
SPEAKER_1: So they have to be angry in the second last movie.
SPEAKER_1: And in the last movie, they're like, I understand I was angry at you because of my internalized homophobia.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_2: The Sonic cinematic universe.
SPEAKER_1: So this is a great segue.
SPEAKER_1: I was not gonna do this craving, but-
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, we're back from the spoiler zone now, everyone.
SPEAKER_1: We're done the spoiler zone and I wasn't gonna do this craving at all, but because we talked about Sonic the Hedgehog and because just the other day, the new Pokémon animated short got released on YouTube.
SPEAKER_2: The one with, is that the one with-
SPEAKER_1: With the gym leader.
SPEAKER_2: With the fighting type.
SPEAKER_1: Fighting gym leader.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, which was rad.
SPEAKER_1: Which was so good.
SPEAKER_1: The animation was so good.
SPEAKER_1: The storytelling was so good.
SPEAKER_1: And I can't fucking wait.
SPEAKER_1: I want Ash to fucking die.
SPEAKER_2: I crave Ash's death so hard.
SPEAKER_1: Jesus.
SPEAKER_1: I want an animated Pokémon series without Ash as a protagonist.
SPEAKER_1: We have had Ash for what, 15 years?
SPEAKER_1: And Pokémon has again and again proven that they can write good stories that are interesting with beautiful animation.
SPEAKER_1: And they give us like shorts or they give us, a few years ago, there was like the red animated, like the Pokémon.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, like there was a bunch of shorts.
SPEAKER_1: But it was like collectively like maybe an hour.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: And it was really good.
SPEAKER_1: And I just want a good adult, not adult Pokémon, not bad, but I want-
SPEAKER_2: Oh, you don't want the champ in there?
SPEAKER_1: I don't want pregnant Pikachu with Sonic's child.
SPEAKER_2: Please, you didn't have to bring that into the podcast.
SPEAKER_2: You didn't have to bring that into the podcast.
SPEAKER_2: You made, you sent me that post.
SPEAKER_2: You sent me that comic.
SPEAKER_2: You didn't have to bring it into the podcast.
SPEAKER_1: But I did.
SPEAKER_2: Thanks.
SPEAKER_2: I get what you mean.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, like I want to enjoy watching Pokémon.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, there's a lot of really interesting stories that even just that you could explore that are not centered around Ash.
SPEAKER_1: Like we can talk about the history of like, presumably Leon, what the short is about is Leon defeating the fighting gym leader who was like the previous champion and she's just traumatized now.
SPEAKER_1: Ah, I want to explore that.
SPEAKER_1: I want to return to her or I want to like...
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, she seems like a really interesting character.
SPEAKER_2: A lot of the gym leaders, especially in Sword and Shield, I think were really, really good.
SPEAKER_2: And every generation, right?
SPEAKER_2: The gym leaders, the elite four members, those characters are really fun and cool and interesting.
SPEAKER_1: They're good because they're the story.
SPEAKER_1: I want the animated shorts and shows to recognize that more.
SPEAKER_1: And I mean, just disclaimer, they do in Alola, like Alola basically has half the gym leaders, I guess not gym, trial masters, all as friends, and they are Ash's friends.
SPEAKER_1: And like, cool, okay, flesh them out.
SPEAKER_1: I want to pay respect to what they're doing, right?
SPEAKER_2: Let's fair.
SPEAKER_2: I've not seen Pokémon in quite some time.
SPEAKER_2: I don't think I've watched the show consistently since like probably gen three.
SPEAKER_1: People shit on the Alolan animation because it looks quote unquote more childish, but like, so I read an article one time that like the reason they changed the animation style was because it's more dynamic now.
SPEAKER_1: And so AKA basically they can do more anime shit where like the Pokémon battles are now more fluid and dynamic, and it really shows in the show.
SPEAKER_1: Do you remember like the old shows where like Charizard use flamethrower and then Charizard's jaw unhinges and fire comes out and nothing else changes in the scene?
SPEAKER_2: I know what to do.
SPEAKER_2: The shorts have told us a little bit about Leon's rise, but I would be interested in knowing about Leon and Sonya's adventures.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, they were friends, weren't they?
SPEAKER_2: They were like rivals.
SPEAKER_2: They were the rivals.
SPEAKER_1: Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_2: And like, first of all, dual protagonist is great for a series that have two games come out every gen.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, why don't they do that?
SPEAKER_1: Why don't they make like two versions and then like do two protagonists and then like each game gets one of them?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_1: That would be sick.
SPEAKER_2: But I like the idea of this show kind of following both of them, sort of in the style of like, sort of in the style of something like Avatar or She-Ra.
SPEAKER_2: Where it's like you're cutting between this crew and this crew.
SPEAKER_2: And so you're cutting between like Leon and whoever and then like Sonya and whoever as you're telling kind of the story of how they rose to whatever level that they got to.
SPEAKER_2: Because you know a little bit about their story and the fact that they were like rivals and stuff and like Leon ultimately goes on to be the champion and Sonya decides to...
SPEAKER_1: A-U Sonya champion.
SPEAKER_2: I love that, love that idea.
SPEAKER_1: I just want that.
SPEAKER_1: I think what I've learned from the games and from the animated shorts is that Leon is a giant dick bag and I hate Leon.
SPEAKER_2: What I know about Leon, I want to propose to you an alternative model of understanding Leon.
SPEAKER_2: He's a himbo.
SPEAKER_1: We can be both.
SPEAKER_2: Fair.
SPEAKER_2: Leon has big ADHD energy.
SPEAKER_1: He's like the airhead.
SPEAKER_2: Which helps me like him a little more.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, fine.
SPEAKER_2: But he's still kind of a hunk.
SPEAKER_1: He's just so thoughtless.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, literally that is his character is he like is thoughtless.
SPEAKER_1: He like is like, I don't really know what's going on.
SPEAKER_1: I just keep succeeding upwards.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_2: Then who cares about Leon?
SPEAKER_2: Let's just follow Sonya.
SPEAKER_2: Cause I like her.
SPEAKER_2: I think Sonya is neat.
SPEAKER_1: The march stops in me.
SPEAKER_1: Holding Sonya.
SPEAKER_2: I want to know why she.
SPEAKER_1: Why she becomes a professor.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, why she becomes a professor.
SPEAKER_1: Can we talk about Grand Oak?
SPEAKER_1: Have you heard about Grand Oak?
SPEAKER_2: No.
SPEAKER_1: So he's like the evolution of Oak.
SPEAKER_1: So, Pokémon in its infinite wisdom has decided that Oak, the original professor, is going to just like be a ditto, I guess, or a clone.
SPEAKER_1: There's an Oak Factory somewhere because we have Oak's cousin, Alolan cousin, and now we have Grand Oak, which kind of just looks like if Oak got younger and older at the same time and also fused with a Rockstar and also a sci-fi punk.
SPEAKER_2: What are the things that you're saying to me?
SPEAKER_1: Please just look up an image of Grand Oak.
SPEAKER_2: I'm Googling an image of Grand Oak.
SPEAKER_2: I am the great Pokémon researcher, Grand Oak, and he's pointing his thumb at himself.
SPEAKER_1: Uh-huh, can I see again?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that's Grand Oak.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: I'm gonna attempt to describe Grand Oak for the viewers.
SPEAKER_1: He's simultaneously younger and older, and he looks like he got fused with a rock star and a sci-fi punk.
SPEAKER_2: So, yes.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know what else you need.
SPEAKER_2: So, he's Professor Oak.
SPEAKER_2: So, start, the template starts with Professor Oak.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, I'm just gonna let you, all right, I'm just gonna let you do this.
SPEAKER_2: And then instead of having a normal lab coat and stuff, I think he's just wearing a white shirt.
SPEAKER_2: Oh no, he's wearing a lab coat over a white shirt.
SPEAKER_2: What he does have is a little tiny bit of beard on his chin, just a little chin beard that's like-
SPEAKER_1: A goatee, if you will.
SPEAKER_2: A goatee, if you will.
SPEAKER_2: And his hair is the exact same as it is in the top normally, except it also comes down in big, huge, like wavy, like he has long hair, but at the top it still looks the same.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know exactly what his face looks like, because you see a significant amount of it is covered by his glasses, which look like two arrows going opposite directions.
SPEAKER_2: It's a weird kind of triangular shape with two arrows coming out on either side.
SPEAKER_2: And he is pointing his thumb at himself and like grinning.
SPEAKER_2: And it says, I am the great Pokémon researcher, Grand Oak.
SPEAKER_1: I just want different-
SPEAKER_2: Oh, so he's wearing an Apple watch.
SPEAKER_1: Is he?
SPEAKER_2: Of course he is.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: So what's the next Oak we're gonna get?
SPEAKER_1: Kid Oak.
SPEAKER_1: It's like, so it's the same sort of thing where he still looks like Oak, where he's still old, but now he's like a five-year-old.
SPEAKER_1: So it's Sonic the Hedgehog, the Oak.
SPEAKER_4: It's Sonic the Oak.
SPEAKER_2: I think this has every episode, you meet a different Oak.
SPEAKER_4: Ah.
SPEAKER_2: There's Kid Oak, there's Sonic Oak, which is just a fusion of Sonic the Hedgehog and Oak.
SPEAKER_2: There is, and that's a really fun Nintendo Sega crossover.
SPEAKER_1: There's Pikachu Oak.
SPEAKER_2: And there's Pikachu Oak, there's an Oak tree.
SPEAKER_1: Is it like a living Oak tree?
SPEAKER_4: It's like an ant.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, great.
SPEAKER_1: And it just has like Oak's face on it.
SPEAKER_1: Yes.
SPEAKER_1: Good, normal.
SPEAKER_2: That's just Oak, that's just tree Oak.
SPEAKER_1: That's just Oak, not Professor Oak.
SPEAKER_2: There's also, of course, OAK, which is...
SPEAKER_1: You mean O for a K?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah, either, I mean both.
SPEAKER_2: They're robots, they're robot Oaks.
SPEAKER_1: They're twin robot Oaks.
SPEAKER_2: They look like Oak, but they're robots.
SPEAKER_1: This is worse than Bill being cloned in the first Pokémon game.
SPEAKER_2: Well, he wasn't cloned, he was combined with a Clefairy.
SPEAKER_1: But like, right, so he has to destroy his body and then reconfigure it, so it's not really his original body, it's a clone.
SPEAKER_1: Bill?
SPEAKER_2: Pokémon different rules.
SPEAKER_2: Pokémon has literal goddamn magic in the form of psychic Pokémon and shit.
SPEAKER_1: That's not magic, that's psychic.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, you're right, Telekinesis isn't magic.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, you're so right.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so you're saying that psychic Pokémon are real.
SPEAKER_2: Jirachi is magic.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, thank you, there we go.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, no, there's literal magic and stuff in Pokémon, so it could really be anything.
SPEAKER_2: He doesn't have to destroy his original body, stop being weird about it.
SPEAKER_2: I feel like the Oaks are just foreshadowing Sonya's fate.
SPEAKER_2: What?
SPEAKER_3: Does every professor turn into an Oak?
SPEAKER_1: Is this where the Oaks come from?
SPEAKER_1: It's not like, yeah, Professor Birch was young, but wait until he gets older.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, instead of like Team Rocket and stuff, you're finding out there's a nefarious-
SPEAKER_3: Team Oak.
SPEAKER_2: There's the nefarious Team Oak, which is a bunch of Oak creators.
SPEAKER_1: Giovanna Oak.
SPEAKER_2: And they're nefariously creating Oak.
SPEAKER_1: Jess Oak and Jill.
SPEAKER_2: And the Oak.
SPEAKER_3: And wah, the folk.
SPEAKER_1: We gotta end this.
SPEAKER_2: Please.
SPEAKER_1: Your turn.
SPEAKER_2: Please go.
SPEAKER_1: End of craving.
SPEAKER_2: Anyway.
SPEAKER_2: It's satisfied.
SPEAKER_1: This is the perfect anime.
SPEAKER_2: It is the perfect anime.
SPEAKER_2: Speaking of perfect pieces of media, I recently saw...
SPEAKER_2: I recently saw Portrait of a Lady on Fire.
SPEAKER_1: I want you to know that I cut about 10 minutes of me talking about Portrait of Lady on Fire out of the last episode.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know why you did.
SPEAKER_1: Because it wasn't relevant and it made the best part come quicker.
SPEAKER_1: But this is all going in now.
SPEAKER_2: Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_2: The thing that there is to say is I adored this movie.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, is that it?
SPEAKER_2: It made me cry.
SPEAKER_2: It is beautiful.
SPEAKER_2: This is not the specific craving, there's a more specific craving.
SPEAKER_1: It's such a good movie, please go watch it.
SPEAKER_2: It's an incredible movie.
SPEAKER_2: If you get the chance to see it somehow, go see it.
SPEAKER_2: You know, when the blu-ray comes out, get that shit.
SPEAKER_2: It's gorgeous.
SPEAKER_2: It's wonderful.
SPEAKER_2: There is a specific scene in it.
SPEAKER_1: There's so many scenes.
SPEAKER_2: There's so many specific scenes, but there's like a specific moment in it, which has a mirror balanced on one of their crotches and the other person can see their face in it.
SPEAKER_2: This is super interesting to me because I've seen this used twice before.
SPEAKER_2: And as far as I can tell, it seems to be a reference to a specific photograph from the 1980s.
SPEAKER_2: But as far as I know, the three pieces of media that have used this device are A Fantastic Woman, another incredible movie.
SPEAKER_1: I don't remember that in that movie.
SPEAKER_2: So there is a scene where Marina, who is the main character, is looking down at her crotch where there is a mirror covering up whatever.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_2: Covering her crotch.
SPEAKER_1: I can't remember that.
SPEAKER_2: The exact same shot is used in Dirty Computer, Janelle Monae's album in the music video for Django Jane.
SPEAKER_2: This is used in those two, and then it's used in Portrait of a Lady on Fire.
SPEAKER_2: And there's also some-
SPEAKER_1: And probably a bunch of other media we are not familiar with.
SPEAKER_2: I was Googling around, actually.
SPEAKER_2: I was Googling around, and as far as I can tell, these seem to be three of the few pieces of media that like-
SPEAKER_1: What were your Google searches?
SPEAKER_1: Crotch mirror.
SPEAKER_1: Yes!
SPEAKER_2: It's like mirror crotch shot.
SPEAKER_2: Nope.
SPEAKER_2: Um, let me, let me, um, can I just look at my history?
SPEAKER_2: Here's my Google searches.
SPEAKER_2: Mirror over vagina shot.
SPEAKER_2: Mirror over crotch, mirror over crotch movie, mirror over crotch movies.
SPEAKER_2: Anyway, the point is you've proven that you did your, you did a little bit of research and I'm craving understanding of the meaning.
SPEAKER_2: Like not even just the meaning, I mean, are they all referencing?
SPEAKER_2: Like, is there a chain of references here?
SPEAKER_2: Do they all come to these independently?
SPEAKER_2: Is this like people seeing each other's movies?
SPEAKER_2: Is it like, is this a trend now?
SPEAKER_2: Are we going to see more of this?
SPEAKER_2: This shot, for whatever reason, it delights me a lot.
SPEAKER_1: I'm unfamiliar with the Janelle Monae one, but I feel like the Fantastic Woman and Portrait of a Lady on Fire shots are super different.
SPEAKER_2: They're extremely different.
SPEAKER_1: In the fact that the Fantastic Woman shot is, it feels like it's about relating to your genitals, but like you see yourself in them, but you at the same time want to distance yourself.
SPEAKER_2: And there's also this specific meaning in that one.
SPEAKER_2: That's the only time that you see her naked in any way.
SPEAKER_2: Like you don't see, at no point in Fantastic Woman do you see what genitals that character has, which is great.
SPEAKER_1: I think in Portrait of a Lady on Fire, I don't know if it's any deeper than it's gay because like her face is in her, like how do you more explicitly make a sapphic movie than yeah, her face is in her crotch.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, the Genome One I will say comes in Jane or Jane, which is a fine song.
SPEAKER_2: There's a lot of vaginal imagery in that song and a lot of like talk about vaginas in that song.
SPEAKER_2: So it's almost certainly more to do with like power of the vagina and like stuff like that.
SPEAKER_2: But this is my question is like how does this thing that as far as I can tell only comes from like a 1981 self-portrait like photo by this obscure artist who does not have a Wikipedia page?
SPEAKER_2: Like that's the level of obscure and like how does that become?
SPEAKER_2: Is that the reference there?
SPEAKER_2: All three of these most recent references are within the queer sphere in three very different pieces of media that are using that shot for very different meanings.
SPEAKER_2: And I just need to know what it means, Clair.
SPEAKER_1: No, like this is what I mean when there's like multiple different meanings.
SPEAKER_1: I don't think there's one meaning.
SPEAKER_1: So I think we can attribute a meaning to it.
SPEAKER_2: Okay.
SPEAKER_2: What is the meaning?
SPEAKER_2: Are they related?
SPEAKER_1: We can tie them together with our meaning.
SPEAKER_2: You're right.
SPEAKER_1: I think the meaning.
SPEAKER_2: What's the meaning?
SPEAKER_1: Is that there's a whole world inside of your genitals.
SPEAKER_3: Of course.
SPEAKER_1: Your genitals have a world inside of them.
SPEAKER_3: If you look inside your genitals, there's a smaller civilization.
SPEAKER_2: It's sort of like, have you ever...
SPEAKER_3: This podcast is degraded.
SPEAKER_2: Have you ever read Horton Here's a Who?
SPEAKER_1: Jesus fucking Christ.
SPEAKER_2: It's sort of like that, but with genitals.
SPEAKER_2: There's an entire civilization.
SPEAKER_3: So you know the Grinch.
SPEAKER_3: You know how the whole world of the Grinch...
SPEAKER_4: The whole world is on a snowflake.
SPEAKER_3: But imagine if the whole world was in your genitals.
SPEAKER_2: I want to say the Grinch, if it weren't the thing that it is, would be an awful term for a vagina.
SPEAKER_2: Hey, what's your...
SPEAKER_4: So the new Grinch movie...
SPEAKER_2: Oh yeah, you never get your Grinchy?
SPEAKER_1: Just happens to take place in someone's genitals.
SPEAKER_1: And the main character's name is Grinch, because they're all named Grinch.
SPEAKER_4: And it's also sapphic.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, this is the thing.
SPEAKER_2: If straight people try to use this shot, I'll kill them.
SPEAKER_2: It's not for you.
SPEAKER_2: It's for the gays and the trans.
SPEAKER_2: And that's it.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it's absolutely...
SPEAKER_2: There's another whole world.
SPEAKER_2: And also you are replicated in that world, because it's a mirror, right?
SPEAKER_2: Of course, as we know, right?
SPEAKER_2: There is a smaller version of you inside your genitals.
SPEAKER_1: Oh no, I don't wanna go down that road.
SPEAKER_2: Really?
SPEAKER_2: There's a road in this conversation that you don't wanna go down?
SPEAKER_1: I feel like...
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, there's a lot of roads in this conversation that I don't wanna go down.
SPEAKER_1: There's a whole bunch of hiking paths before us, and they all have awful signs that...
SPEAKER_2: They all just say like, danger, do not...
SPEAKER_1: Danger, caution, cliff ahead, immediately in front of you.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, that's my meaning.
SPEAKER_1: There's a whole other world in your genitals, and your meaning, there's just a smaller version of yourself in your genitals.
SPEAKER_1: Which I think we can then combine using transitive properties to find the true meaning.
SPEAKER_4: There's a smaller version of yourself in another world.
SPEAKER_3: I just...
SPEAKER_2: Hang on, I've just been forced to consider the possibility.
SPEAKER_2: Now, I'm with you.
SPEAKER_2: I also...
SPEAKER_3: Imagine a whole other universe where everything is just 90% of the size.
SPEAKER_3: It's no different.
SPEAKER_3: Would they even know?
SPEAKER_3: Are we the 90% of the size?
SPEAKER_1: Maybe there's someone who's like bigger, but it's exactly the same.
SPEAKER_1: There's a bigger Salt Cravings out there.
SPEAKER_4: I just want you to know that.
SPEAKER_3: Great.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, my question then becomes...
SPEAKER_2: Do I want to go down this road?
SPEAKER_2: The thing that I want to...
SPEAKER_3: Cliff.
SPEAKER_2: The thing that I will say is, in Portrait of a Lady on Fire, it's not her seeing her own face in her journals.
SPEAKER_1: Oh my God.
SPEAKER_2: That's the thing that I'm gonna say?
SPEAKER_2: And I'm not saying there's anyone...
SPEAKER_4: There's a smaller version of your lover in your journals.
SPEAKER_2: Which I think is probably why Christians are so concerned with virginity.
SPEAKER_2: They're like, you don't want another person running around in a side view?
SPEAKER_2: So many people there already.
SPEAKER_3: I can't afford...
SPEAKER_1: Look, rent's going up every year.
SPEAKER_2: Are you fucking telling me that inside my genitals, there is capitalism?
SPEAKER_2: Are you telling me there is genital capitalism?
SPEAKER_1: I'm so sorry to tell you this.
SPEAKER_2: I cannot believe this.
SPEAKER_2: We literally can't go anywhere else with this, or we're going to get into even weirder territory than we're already in.
SPEAKER_2: So give me a craving.
SPEAKER_2: I need...
SPEAKER_2: I mean, do you have a last word on that one?
SPEAKER_2: Any last words about genital cells?
SPEAKER_1: You can be kin with your genital cells.
SPEAKER_3: I'm gonna kin...
SPEAKER_1: I'm gonna kin with your genitals.
SPEAKER_2: I'm gonna kin myself.
SPEAKER_3: I dress as my genital cell for this convention because this is my kin.
SPEAKER_3: What's your Halloween costume?
SPEAKER_3: Oh, this is my genital cell.
SPEAKER_2: Fucking yourself, also known as kidding yourself.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that's it.
SPEAKER_1: Those were the last words.
SPEAKER_2: Give me a craving, please.
SPEAKER_2: Get us out of here.
SPEAKER_2: Please let us leave.
SPEAKER_1: Since the first craving was not a craving I expected to do, I'm gonna do another craving I wasn't expecting to do.
SPEAKER_1: I have the craving sometimes.
SPEAKER_1: I crave like the super power to detect lies.
SPEAKER_2: Telling lies?
SPEAKER_1: No, Papa.
SPEAKER_1: No.
SPEAKER_1: Your genital cell can't lie.
SPEAKER_3: There's only truth in your genitals.
SPEAKER_2: Not always true.
SPEAKER_2: Is this just a simple like is this true or is this not true?
SPEAKER_1: Or is this like a sliding scale?
SPEAKER_2: Is this or is this like specifically like this is sarcasm versus this is an outright fucking lie?
SPEAKER_1: Like I think sarcasm is fine.
SPEAKER_1: I can always laugh about it later if I take it seriously.
SPEAKER_1: And then people like, I was just like just out.
SPEAKER_1: That was not being serious.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: I'm like, oh, haha, egg on my face.
SPEAKER_1: Move past that.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: If someone's lying to me, like that's hard.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know how to move forward with that.
SPEAKER_1: Imagine if someone just came up to you.
SPEAKER_1: I can't even think of a lie right now.
SPEAKER_1: Imagine if someone told you that you can't just dress as your genital self to a con.
SPEAKER_1: You have to actually come up with a real cosplay.
SPEAKER_4: Get some fucking creativity from your life.
SPEAKER_2: That's a lie because they don't force you to cosplay at conventions.
SPEAKER_2: There are two things that immediately came to my mind when discussing lying.
SPEAKER_1: First, are you going to take me into the philosophy zone?
SPEAKER_2: No, I'm taking you into the politics zone.
SPEAKER_2: I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_2: There's a group called PolitiFact.
SPEAKER_2: I have some qualms with them about what they consider to be lies and not lies sometimes, but they have a really interesting type of sliding scale on lies, which is true, mostly true, half true, mostly false, false, and then pants on fire, which is like the most false.
SPEAKER_2: Great.
SPEAKER_1: I like how there's something more false than false.
SPEAKER_2: That's politics, baby.
SPEAKER_2: I hate this.
SPEAKER_1: I want to leave this zone as quickly as possible.
SPEAKER_2: Anyway, my point is like-
SPEAKER_1: I'm getting in the car, please drive.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, they will use these on like different politicians' statements.
SPEAKER_2: I'm not endorsing them.
SPEAKER_2: What I'm saying is their system of telling what is a truth versus a lie seems really useful for the thing that we're gonna make.
SPEAKER_1: Are we there yet?
SPEAKER_2: We are there, we're out of there because now we're into the tabletop game zone, which is I'm just, we're just pulling up.
SPEAKER_2: It's a drive-through.
SPEAKER_2: We're just looking at Forged in the Dark games about the one skill in them that a specific class can have, which is you always know when someone is lying to you, which is what you're describing is what you want.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: You want to be a Blaze in the Dark character is what you're saying to me right now.
SPEAKER_2: Or a Skemin villainy character or a beam saber character.
SPEAKER_2: Or some other Forged in the Dark.
SPEAKER_3: I am the type of person I am.
SPEAKER_3: I simply want to-
SPEAKER_1: No, I can't, I can't.
SPEAKER_2: We can't.
SPEAKER_2: You know there's a slur that you can reclaim that we would be able to reclaim.
SPEAKER_1: Accidentally, but also funny because I am.
SPEAKER_1: Anyways, the joke was I want to merely be a fragment of somebody's imagination.
SPEAKER_1: And then I could start knowing if people are lying to me.
SPEAKER_2: So you mean like a figment?
SPEAKER_1: Figment.
SPEAKER_1: That was definitely the word I meant to say.
SPEAKER_1: There were a lot of words that definitely were said.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_2: This is, can I just say this podcast is a fucking mess.
SPEAKER_2: I am having so much fun.
SPEAKER_2: So what you're saying is-
SPEAKER_1: Coming back to the real, the real problem.
SPEAKER_2: So do you want like-
SPEAKER_1: I don't want, okay.
SPEAKER_2: Do you want to be a figment of someone's imagination or do you want to be like-
SPEAKER_2: I just want to know.
SPEAKER_2: Do you want a direct line into their brain?
SPEAKER_1: No, I don't want to read their thoughts.
SPEAKER_1: That sounds hard.
SPEAKER_2: And also kind of invasive.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that's how, like I don't want this to be invasive.
SPEAKER_1: I know what I want.
SPEAKER_1: Do you remember those like staples buttons where you hit it and it's like, that was easy?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I remember those.
SPEAKER_1: I want one that when someone lies to me, it's just like, that's a lie.
SPEAKER_1: Or, oh, have you read Saga?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I've read Saga.
SPEAKER_1: With lying cat?
SPEAKER_2: Lying cat.
SPEAKER_1: I want lying cat.
SPEAKER_2: Let's just make a lying cat.
SPEAKER_1: I just want a lying cat.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so we're gonna have to take May in from some experimental.
SPEAKER_1: Done, no.
SPEAKER_1: What can we improve on with lying cat?
SPEAKER_1: Lying cat is a cat that says lying every time somebody lies, just for context.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it's a character in Saga, a super duper great cat.
SPEAKER_2: I think it has to be able to say, as I said with what PolitiFact does, the degree of lying.
SPEAKER_1: God, I can't believe we got past, I got in the car.
SPEAKER_1: You promised me we'd get the happy meal and leave.
SPEAKER_2: This is the happy meal.
SPEAKER_2: The happy meal is the spectrum.
SPEAKER_2: The spectrum meal.
SPEAKER_2: In this spectrum meal, it's a spectrum about lying.
SPEAKER_2: And so it can just break down more detailed.
SPEAKER_2: Not only will it tell you what the lie is, but it'll also tell you what the truth is.
SPEAKER_2: If someone lies to you.
SPEAKER_1: I don't wanna lie.
SPEAKER_1: If someone's not ready to tell me the truth, I don't want to force them to tell me the truth.
SPEAKER_1: I just wanna know if they're lying so that I can be like, cool, when you're ready to tell me the truth, I'll be here, friend.
SPEAKER_2: That's fair.
SPEAKER_2: Cause there are definitely situations in which it is ethical or okay to lie.
SPEAKER_2: Yes.
SPEAKER_2: So then simply-
SPEAKER_1: Now the problem with this is I could never-
SPEAKER_2: We need a cat that has nuance.
SPEAKER_1: I couldn't take it into work.
SPEAKER_1: The thing about bosses is that they're always lying.
SPEAKER_2: Maybe you need-
SPEAKER_1: It's this weird canning.
SPEAKER_1: When your boss can, you automatically start lying all the time.
SPEAKER_4: Shut up about kidding.
SPEAKER_2: Shut up about kidding.
SPEAKER_2: I think like what you need to have is a pin, right?
SPEAKER_2: Cause a pin is something you can take on and off.
SPEAKER_2: And it has that button on it.
SPEAKER_2: It's a pin with a button on it.
SPEAKER_2: And it-
SPEAKER_2: Oh my God.
SPEAKER_1: Why aren't button pins a thing?
SPEAKER_2: They should be.
SPEAKER_2: They're literally called buttons sometimes.
SPEAKER_1: Oh my God.
SPEAKER_1: Wow.
SPEAKER_2: Also, why does it need to be a button?
SPEAKER_2: Are you pressing it?
SPEAKER_2: Isn't it just saying it when there's a lie?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: But now I just want to think about stimming pins.
SPEAKER_2: Stim, stims.
SPEAKER_2: Stims.
SPEAKER_1: Stims.
SPEAKER_2: That's cute and good and extremely, I love that.
SPEAKER_2: I'll take, I'll take 10.
SPEAKER_1: I'll take 10 stims.
SPEAKER_1: Yep.
SPEAKER_1: I'm stinking.
SPEAKER_2: What did I just say about Kim?
SPEAKER_2: A pin's a good idea.
SPEAKER_2: Something, maybe like a little thing you put in your ear.
SPEAKER_2: So it's just for you.
SPEAKER_1: Oh yeah, headphones.
SPEAKER_1: So the biggest thing that I don't like about Lion Cat is Lion Cat just says lying every time someone lies.
SPEAKER_1: I want something more subtle.
SPEAKER_1: Imagine like a bird just starts tripping every time someone lies.
SPEAKER_2: There's like a specific tell that you can recognize.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Cause like people have tells when they lie.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: This is you being like, well, I can't always tell.
SPEAKER_1: Everyone's tell is now the same.
SPEAKER_2: Everyone's tell is now the same, and they're only knowable to you.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, I know.
SPEAKER_2: What?
SPEAKER_1: We just gotta, if you ever lie, just wink with only your right eye three times.
SPEAKER_2: Great.
SPEAKER_2: What if people can't wink with their right eye?
SPEAKER_2: Then they can never lie.
SPEAKER_1: We can-
SPEAKER_2: Of course.
SPEAKER_1: We can invent a thing.
SPEAKER_1: It's like glasses, but what it does is just manually winks for you.
SPEAKER_1: No, no, they're not glasses.
SPEAKER_1: It's like bringing back the monocle.
SPEAKER_2: Love it.
SPEAKER_1: But it's the Winkocle, monwinkle, monwinkle.
SPEAKER_2: So like people have to wear this in order for you to tell that they're lying.
SPEAKER_1: Only if they can't wink.
SPEAKER_1: They don't have to, unless they can't wink.
SPEAKER_2: So wait, people are legally required to wink when they're lying?
SPEAKER_2: Is this the thing?
SPEAKER_1: Again, I don't wanna go into, I just want people to be like, yeah, I'm up for it.
SPEAKER_2: Let's externalize, okay?
SPEAKER_2: Wait, you can't just be like, I just want everyone to agree to it by force, but not forcefully.
SPEAKER_3: No, not by force.
SPEAKER_3: Can we all just agree?
SPEAKER_2: I just, everyone just has to agree.
SPEAKER_3: Look, look, if we're just going, it's not by force.
SPEAKER_2: Clair is winking three times.
SPEAKER_1: With my left eye, not with my right.
SPEAKER_1: You'd know this if you agreed with me.
SPEAKER_2: So, everyone will agree to it, not by force.
SPEAKER_1: No, not by force.
SPEAKER_1: Please, please.
SPEAKER_2: But they'll just agree to it.
SPEAKER_2: Alternatively, we could just have an external tell of some kind, like the bird chirping, especially because if everyone now has their own personal chirping bird, as soon as someone lies, ten birds start chirping.
SPEAKER_1: What an, I just want an actual bird now that just chirps when someone's lying.
SPEAKER_2: This sounds like some like-
SPEAKER_1: And it just sits on your shoulder.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that's like some fantasy-
SPEAKER_1: Pirate.
SPEAKER_2: Fantasy pirate shit or some like-
SPEAKER_2: That's actually just a familiar-
SPEAKER_2: That's a familiar.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that's just a good character for that like Blades of the Dark character where you always know why someone's lying.
SPEAKER_2: That's really good.
SPEAKER_1: There's always just a bird on your shoulder.
SPEAKER_2: Hey, we need to write that down for future campaign or for a character-
SPEAKER_2: For a character of one of the four campaigns we're in together.
SPEAKER_1: I've written it down in this podcast and it's going to be immortalized.
SPEAKER_2: Great, love it, perfect.
SPEAKER_2: There you go, just get you a bird.
SPEAKER_2: What's your bird's name?
SPEAKER_1: Kin.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, tell me other things about your bird.
SPEAKER_1: My bird is Genital Kin and also...
SPEAKER_3: Please, please, why are you doing this?
SPEAKER_1: My bird has a mirror on its crotch at all times.
SPEAKER_1: I've glued a mirror to my bird's crotch.
SPEAKER_3: I think that's animal abuse.
SPEAKER_1: The bird likes it.
SPEAKER_2: It's my fantasy bird.
SPEAKER_3: I'm allowed, it's my fantasy bird, Brianna.
SPEAKER_4: It isn't real.
SPEAKER_1: This bird is just made of mirrors.
SPEAKER_1: It's a mirror bird.
SPEAKER_3: What's your craving?
SPEAKER_2: Well, that was a mighty fine invention.
SPEAKER_2: And the thing is about inventions, it sounds like you had this line up.
SPEAKER_2: It didn't matter what we like said.
SPEAKER_2: That was a mighty fine invention.
SPEAKER_1: What did we invent?
SPEAKER_1: We talked about birds made of mirrors and like genital canning.
SPEAKER_2: Let's talk.
SPEAKER_1: What is your invention?
SPEAKER_1: What are you craving?
SPEAKER_2: So back in olden times, it was a lot easier to invent stuff.
SPEAKER_2: Now it's really hard to invent stuff.
SPEAKER_2: And most people who invent stuff just invent it for capitalist reasons.
SPEAKER_2: And they're like, oh, I'm going to invent a new app where we make people like get paid shitty wages to do like basic work.
SPEAKER_2: It was way easier to invent things back in the day when things weren't invented yet.
SPEAKER_2: Now a lot of things have been invented and it's a lot harder to have things to your name that you invented, right?
SPEAKER_2: Like everyone's got a call.
SPEAKER_2: It's a good like thing that is named after the person who invented it.
SPEAKER_1: Kleenex.
SPEAKER_2: Is it?
SPEAKER_4: Dr.
SPEAKER_4: Kleenex.
SPEAKER_2: I don't think that that's true.
SPEAKER_1: Dr.
SPEAKER_1: Kleenex.
SPEAKER_1: I was always, like always had a cold.
SPEAKER_2: Sure.
SPEAKER_2: The fact that the company Bell is named Bell.
SPEAKER_2: Alexander Graham Bell.
SPEAKER_1: Oh my God.
SPEAKER_2: I assume that's the etymology of that.
SPEAKER_1: I guess so.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it sucks.
SPEAKER_2: But it would be cool to have something named after me that I invented because I invented it.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, all of Capitalism named their wage after you, price.
SPEAKER_2: Sure did.
SPEAKER_2: I want to be remembered for better things.
SPEAKER_1: Well, that's the price of living.
SPEAKER_2: Ross, your last name is Ross.
SPEAKER_2: Do you get the joke, Clair?
SPEAKER_2: It's your last name.
SPEAKER_2: So your last name is Ross.
SPEAKER_2: And that's a word.
SPEAKER_2: It's a name.
SPEAKER_1: This joke is making me cross.
SPEAKER_2: They named that one dude from Friends After You.
SPEAKER_2: Ross, they named Ross after you.
SPEAKER_2: Ross after you, fuck you.
SPEAKER_2: Those are some good price jokes, thank you.
SPEAKER_2: It's the price of doing business with me.
SPEAKER_2: It's the price of getting-
SPEAKER_1: It's easy when you just have to make one pun over and over again.
SPEAKER_2: Can we just invent some things and name them after us?
SPEAKER_2: And like make them cool things?
SPEAKER_2: Cause I don't wanna like-
SPEAKER_1: Well, that's a restriction.
SPEAKER_2: You're right, like I don't wanna invent an app.
SPEAKER_2: I don't want them to make a new Uber.
SPEAKER_1: What if we invent a new kind of air?
SPEAKER_2: Okay, I'm in.
SPEAKER_2: Tell me about Price Ross Air.
SPEAKER_1: So I think it's just like a lot of carbon, but like gaseous carbon?
SPEAKER_2: Isn't that just, is that just carbon gas?
SPEAKER_1: But we're marketing it.
SPEAKER_2: Why do we have to market the invention?
SPEAKER_3: You know people-
SPEAKER_1: That's how inventions are made under capitalism.
SPEAKER_3: It doesn't have to, you're not listening to me.
SPEAKER_2: I just want to invent cool things.
SPEAKER_2: We don't have to sell them.
SPEAKER_1: Can we reinvent something?
SPEAKER_2: Great.
SPEAKER_2: Let's make the wheel too.
SPEAKER_2: The Price Wheel, the Ross Wheel, the Price Ross Wheel.
SPEAKER_1: What's the Price Wheel?
SPEAKER_2: Price Wheel.
SPEAKER_1: Is it the wheel they use on prices, right?
SPEAKER_2: No.
SPEAKER_2: Shut up.
SPEAKER_2: What I'm thinking, circles are cool and all.
SPEAKER_1: Circles are cool, but what if?
SPEAKER_2: But don't you think they're a little bit boring?
SPEAKER_2: What if you had a better circle?
SPEAKER_1: What is a better circle?
SPEAKER_2: So a better circle is actually a super dupe.
SPEAKER_2: Like it's, it's.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, go on.
SPEAKER_2: What?
SPEAKER_2: I'm trying to think of how to describe this shape.
SPEAKER_2: It's some sort of gone.
SPEAKER_1: Is it a sphere?
SPEAKER_2: It's some sort of gone.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, how many sides does it have?
SPEAKER_2: That's the problem, the problem is I think it might have something like 300 sides.
SPEAKER_2: They're like, they're all distinctive sides, but they're so small.
SPEAKER_1: So it's approaching a circle, but it's not a circle.
SPEAKER_2: It's approaching a circle.
SPEAKER_2: It works great as a wheel, right?
SPEAKER_2: Breaks better, cause it's flat.
SPEAKER_2: Okay.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know that it does, but it does.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, it would probably break better.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: It would get, it would break.
SPEAKER_1: It would stop quicker.
SPEAKER_1: It would take less force to make that stop turning.
SPEAKER_1: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_2: So it's better.
SPEAKER_2: And Trentagon or something like that.
SPEAKER_1: Probably.
SPEAKER_2: Trincentagon, I don't know.
SPEAKER_1: I like it.
SPEAKER_1: There is almost certainly a name for it already, but it's called a Trincentagon now.
SPEAKER_2: It's a Trincentagon, a Trincentagon, and it's the price wheel.
SPEAKER_1: Trincentagon price.
SPEAKER_2: Trincentagon price.
SPEAKER_2: That's my name.
SPEAKER_1: Hi, my name's Clair, and my name's Trincentagon, and today on Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: Tell me about the Ross Wheel.
SPEAKER_1: I think it's just one side.
SPEAKER_2: Explain a little, can you explain a little more about your one?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, so you know how the Trincentagon price wheel has 30 sides and circles have infinite sides?
SPEAKER_1: The Ross Wheel has one side.
SPEAKER_3: Okay, how does that work?
SPEAKER_1: Well, you just remove the sides until they're only one side.
SPEAKER_2: You'll always have two sides.
SPEAKER_2: Actually, you'll always have like four.
SPEAKER_1: Not with the Ross Wheel, you'll only have one.
SPEAKER_1: It's like, look, it's four sides for the price of one.
SPEAKER_2: Two sides, you just have two sides.
SPEAKER_1: No, it's one side.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, how are you ensuring that it only has a one side?
SPEAKER_1: Have you ever played a video game, have you ever played a video game where the shader on something is only in one direction, which is most video games, because that's how shaders work.
SPEAKER_1: Where if you like look above and you look down at water, there is water.
SPEAKER_1: But if you go below the water and look up, there is nothing.
SPEAKER_1: Zelda Breath of the Wild has this, most things in video games are only like rendered on one side.
SPEAKER_1: It's like that, where if you go to the other side of the wheel, it just doesn't exist.
SPEAKER_1: You can't see it.
SPEAKER_1: So I'm bringing that into real life.
SPEAKER_2: It's sort of like-
SPEAKER_3: Have you ever wanted something to not exist on one side?
SPEAKER_2: Now, here's maybe a more apt comparison that more people will understand.
SPEAKER_2: It's sort of like how a double-sided mirror works.
SPEAKER_1: Well, a double-sided mirror has two sides.
SPEAKER_2: But it does have two sides.
SPEAKER_1: But what if it just didn't exist on one side?
SPEAKER_2: It's like a two-sided mirror, but instead of you see a mirror on one of the sides, you just don't see anything on one of the sides.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's just there's nothing there.
SPEAKER_1: And I think the thing is it also goes one way.
SPEAKER_1: This is the perfect solution to every filter and thing, you know, everything goes one way.
SPEAKER_1: You can't go out the other way, but everything will just fall right through.
SPEAKER_1: So you can walk through it one direction, but if you go, it does suck a lot if you stop halfway through and try to go backwards.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, no.
SPEAKER_1: You can have a whole building made out of this.
SPEAKER_1: You just walk through a building, but only one direction.
SPEAKER_2: How is it a wheel?
SPEAKER_1: Because there are two parts of it that we...
SPEAKER_2: No, there's one part.
SPEAKER_1: There's one side.
SPEAKER_2: Okay.
SPEAKER_1: But on that one side, there can be surface area.
SPEAKER_1: And then if you take any point on that surface, you can probably draw a line on it, and that line can be a circle.
SPEAKER_1: And that's a wheel.
SPEAKER_1: That's a one-sided wheel, baby.
SPEAKER_2: This doesn't sound right, but I don't know enough about math to dispute it.
SPEAKER_2: I love it.
SPEAKER_2: That's the Ross Wheel.
SPEAKER_2: There's the Price Wheel and the Ross Wheel.
SPEAKER_2: Now, let's think of some other things that we could reinvent.
SPEAKER_1: Cell phone.
SPEAKER_2: Cell phone.
SPEAKER_2: What's the Ross phone?
SPEAKER_1: It's a calculator.
SPEAKER_1: But like, it's a calculator with the intention of adding games to it.
SPEAKER_3: It's a calculator with games.
SPEAKER_2: I bet that that exists.
SPEAKER_2: I 100% bet that that exists.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, that's just what cell phones are.
SPEAKER_1: Because what is a cell phone now?
SPEAKER_1: It's a device with a cell phone app and then also a bunch of other apps.
SPEAKER_1: You could just as easily say a cell phone is actually just a calculator with a bunch of other apps.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I suppose.
SPEAKER_2: Also, calling and texting are some of those apps.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that's an app you can download on this calculator.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, great.
SPEAKER_1: You can download a calling app on this calculator.
SPEAKER_2: I love it.
SPEAKER_1: What's the price cell phone?
SPEAKER_2: One of the problems with phones is that the touchscreen is fragile.
SPEAKER_2: It can break really easy.
SPEAKER_2: What if instead of a touchscreen, you had a goo screen?
SPEAKER_1: We're just redoing the goo keyboard.
SPEAKER_2: You're right.
SPEAKER_1: I'm into it.
SPEAKER_2: It could be a flop screen.
SPEAKER_2: We can have a whole line of goo-tronics.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, so there's goo.
SPEAKER_2: There's a goo-ski.
SPEAKER_1: Gooski.
SPEAKER_2: Gooski.
SPEAKER_2: There's a goo screen.
SPEAKER_1: When it dies, you get the goo screen.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, there's a fluffy screen.
SPEAKER_3: Fluffy?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it's like fluff.
SPEAKER_1: Oh my God.
SPEAKER_2: It's like a pillow.
SPEAKER_2: You can sleep on it.
SPEAKER_1: I want to sleep on my cell phone.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, really get that alarm in the morning.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, it just vibrates your whole face.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you're like, what a pleasant way to wake up.
SPEAKER_2: I'm talking, there's a water screen.
SPEAKER_1: What if your pillow vibrated?
SPEAKER_2: As an alarm?
SPEAKER_1: Anything.
SPEAKER_2: Just generally?
SPEAKER_1: Just generally.
SPEAKER_2: What if your pillow vibrated?
SPEAKER_2: What if your pillow gave you a head massage?
SPEAKER_2: Some real good ASMR.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: This is what we're talking about.
SPEAKER_1: Now, this is an invention.
SPEAKER_2: Now, this is an invention.
SPEAKER_2: We're inventing it.
SPEAKER_2: Throw the cell phone.
SPEAKER_2: Hey, Jerry, throw out the cell phones.
SPEAKER_2: Jerry.
SPEAKER_2: He's my cell phone guy.
SPEAKER_2: Don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_2: We're very Harley Quinn there.
SPEAKER_2: We have this new line of pillows.
SPEAKER_1: Right.
SPEAKER_2: Some of them vibrate, some of them give you a head massage.
SPEAKER_1: There are body pillows that vibrate.
SPEAKER_2: There are.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: There are genital cells in them.
SPEAKER_1: You can get a genital kin body pillow that vibrates.
SPEAKER_2: At an anime convention near you.
SPEAKER_2: There's just a straight up ASMR pillow that does ASMR for you.
SPEAKER_1: What kind of ASMR?
SPEAKER_1: It's got settings.
SPEAKER_1: Is it more than just vibrating?
SPEAKER_2: It's got settings.
SPEAKER_3: Is it like the...
SPEAKER_2: Like sound.
SPEAKER_2: I'm changing the setting.
SPEAKER_3: Meeeee.
SPEAKER_2: Turning it off, turning it off.
SPEAKER_2: We need better ASMR sounds.
SPEAKER_2: Here's a classic Salt Craving one.
SPEAKER_2: Pillow teeth.
SPEAKER_2: Goo pillow.
SPEAKER_1: Kiss it.
SPEAKER_1: Kiss it better.
SPEAKER_3: It vibrates and kiss you.
SPEAKER_4: You can date your canning body pillow now.
SPEAKER_1: You can date yourself.
SPEAKER_4: You can date your canning body pillow with real teeth, and it vibrates.
SPEAKER_1: You don't need anything else.
SPEAKER_2: There's also a mic pillow for your pillow cast.
SPEAKER_2: A microphone.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, I thought you just meant like, this is a mic.
SPEAKER_1: This is a pillow of mic.
SPEAKER_2: No, none of the mics that I'm thinking of would be good.
SPEAKER_1: Think of any mic in your life that's a pillow now.
SPEAKER_2: Think of any mic who's a celebrity.
SPEAKER_1: Mike Wachowski, the green monster.
SPEAKER_2: That's somehow the best option.
SPEAKER_2: Because the other ones that came to my head were Mike Myers and Mike Bloomberg.
SPEAKER_1: I don't have visual images of them.
SPEAKER_2: You don't.
SPEAKER_2: So it's Mike Wachowski.
SPEAKER_2: You're thinking of the Wachowski sisters, which is a very trans thing of you to do.
SPEAKER_2: Mike Wachowski, the third sibling.
SPEAKER_4: The third sibling also just happens to be a green monster from Monsters, Inc.
SPEAKER_2: Don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_2: And you got a body pillow of him now.
SPEAKER_2: Great line of pillows.
SPEAKER_2: They'll sell a lot.
SPEAKER_2: Shit, it's capitalist.
SPEAKER_2: And they have teeth.
SPEAKER_2: Oh man.
SPEAKER_1: Big teeth.
SPEAKER_2: It became capitalist again.
SPEAKER_1: You can stick your whole hand in its mouth.
SPEAKER_2: I guess you could.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know why you would.
SPEAKER_1: You can stick your hand down its mouth and then it'll vibrate on you.
SPEAKER_1: I think we have to end this episode.
SPEAKER_2: Hey guys, you didn't tell me to come back in, so I wasn't sure when I should come back in.
SPEAKER_1: Nobody said to come back in.
SPEAKER_2: Well, I just figured, you know, it's been a while, and I'm supposed to be hosting the podcast, of course.
SPEAKER_2: So, where are we?
SPEAKER_2: Where are we in the episode?
SPEAKER_3: What?
SPEAKER_2: They ended the episode?
SPEAKER_2: Oh man.
SPEAKER_2: Well, did they do the bit where they say to please follow Salt Cravings on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram at Salt Cravings?
SPEAKER_3: Pika Pika.
SPEAKER_3: Pika submissions at saltcravings.com.
SPEAKER_3: Pika Pika Pika.
SPEAKER_2: What about how they should review the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher or whatever podcast app they use?
SPEAKER_3: Pika Pika.
SPEAKER_2: Okay.
SPEAKER_2: At least that part's done now.