SPEAKER_1: Hey folks, just a heads up that I accidentally did not switch the mic settings from the laptop to the actual normal microphone, so this episode isn't going to sound good like this, but instead, it's going to sound a little patchy.
SPEAKER_1: I apologize, but hey, if you can suffer through it, there are jokes, and if you can't, then I'll see you in the next episode.
SPEAKER_1: I won't see you, nor will I hear you.
SPEAKER_1: I'll have no interaction with you.
SPEAKER_3: Hello, and welcome to the normal, super normal, not weird Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_3: My name is Clair.
SPEAKER_2: And my name is Brianna.
SPEAKER_2: It's so nice to be doing a normal podcast.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, you know the best part about a normal podcast is we've definitely done a normal thing before.
SPEAKER_3: And it's like repeating yourself is super normal.
SPEAKER_3: It happens.
SPEAKER_2: It's, we definitely have.
SPEAKER_2: This is, yeah, absolutely, we definitely have.
SPEAKER_3: Nothing's more normal than just, you know, comfort, familiarity.
SPEAKER_2: And I think there's something to be said for the fact that I think we are consistently normal.
SPEAKER_2: I think every episode of Salt Cravings has been pretty normal.
SPEAKER_3: Every episode of Salt Cravings?
SPEAKER_2: Every episode of Salt Cravings has been pretty normal.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, if you look at the last episode.
SPEAKER_3: No, no, we don't.
SPEAKER_3: If you don't look, close your eyes.
SPEAKER_2: Well, I meant episode, the last episode, episode one.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, I see.
SPEAKER_2: That was a pretty normal episode.
SPEAKER_3: The only other episode of Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_3: Welcome to Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_3: We talk about cravings and we solve them.
SPEAKER_3: I already introduced myself.
SPEAKER_3: You already introduced myself.
SPEAKER_3: Where's the checkbox?
SPEAKER_2: I introduced you introduce yourself, and then I introduced you.
SPEAKER_3: Wait, sorry, is there another person on this podcast besides me?
SPEAKER_3: This is just me talking to myself.
SPEAKER_2: Is this, wait, is that supposed to be me?
SPEAKER_2: It's me, of course, your co-host, Sonic.
SPEAKER_2: No.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, we've always known Sonic here.
SPEAKER_3: It doesn't have to be anywhere but our heart.
SPEAKER_2: He just sort of pops up sometimes.
SPEAKER_2: It's sort of like when you burp, but it's like Sonic.
SPEAKER_3: Sonic comes out when I burp.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, and he's gay and he came out, so good for him.
SPEAKER_3: Sonic belching, I'm gay.
SPEAKER_2: I didn't even know how to do that.
SPEAKER_2: I was going to try and do that impression.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know how Sonic burps, because Senga won't show us, you cowards.
SPEAKER_2: Well, we can leave all of that in the past.
SPEAKER_2: We have a normal podcast.
SPEAKER_3: We have a normal podcast where we find super normal solutions to super normal cravings.
SPEAKER_3: Brianna is going to give us the first craving, then I'm going to give a craving, then Brianna is going to give a craving, then I'm going to give a craving, then we're going to leave and you're going to feel sad.
SPEAKER_3: So Brianna, do you want to start us off by going...
SPEAKER_3: By now, I see you brought a little show and tell today.
SPEAKER_2: So, everybody on here, Star Wars is a perfect series.
SPEAKER_3: So I will say, I haven't seen Episode 9, so I also have not seen Episode 9.
SPEAKER_3: So Star Wars is a perfect series.
SPEAKER_3: When I was a youth.
SPEAKER_2: I got a gender neutral black career, we've done it everyone.
SPEAKER_2: When I was a youth who liked Star Wars a whole lot, one thing that I liked was there was a phone app, pretty sure there still is.
SPEAKER_3: There's only one.
SPEAKER_2: There's only one.
SPEAKER_3: It's called The Star Wars.
SPEAKER_3: You can download it on the App Center.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, the App Center.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, the App Center.
SPEAKER_3: It's the gender-neutral app store.
SPEAKER_2: This was an app that would let you use your phone as a lightsaber.
SPEAKER_3: Oh my God.
SPEAKER_3: There's just a series of apps where it's like the pouring water app and the bug swatter app.
SPEAKER_2: Exactly.
SPEAKER_3: And it was like, here's one thing it does, and it's entertaining for about 10 seconds, then that's the whole app.
SPEAKER_3: I remember when the app store came out on iPhone, Apple decided that they would add backgrounds and also the app store.
SPEAKER_3: People were like, hmm, what's the quickest thing I could make?
SPEAKER_3: Ah, lightsaber.
SPEAKER_2: Go with you.
SPEAKER_2: It was really cool feeling me to be like, oh, I'm swinging around this thing, and it feels, and it's like making sounds like a lightsaber, right?
SPEAKER_2: Because it would make noises as you swing it around.
SPEAKER_2: And that was cool, and I want to feel like I'm swinging a lightsaber again.
SPEAKER_3: Did you ever have, there was those toys in stores where there were lightsabers.
SPEAKER_2: So I do.
SPEAKER_3: Okay, cool, cool, cool.
SPEAKER_2: So I do, do you want me to get it?
SPEAKER_2: I go get it.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, go get it.
SPEAKER_1: I had a big lightsaber.
SPEAKER_3: Oh gosh.
SPEAKER_2: But it doesn't really feel.
SPEAKER_2: It doesn't work.
SPEAKER_2: So I swing it around.
SPEAKER_2: Droom, droom.
SPEAKER_2: It has this kind of low hum.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: When you turn it off, it goes.
SPEAKER_3: Okay.
SPEAKER_2: But it doesn't really.
SPEAKER_2: I'll post a picture in the description so y'all can see it.
SPEAKER_2: But it is a custom one that I made when we went to like.
SPEAKER_3: You made this?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, wow.
SPEAKER_2: Cause Disney World had the Star Wars stuff at Disney World when I went, had this option to make a custom lightsaber.
SPEAKER_2: So I made this one custom cause I thought it was cool.
SPEAKER_2: And you know what?
SPEAKER_2: I was right.
SPEAKER_2: It's extremely cool.
SPEAKER_2: It's an extremely cool lightsaber.
SPEAKER_2: But it doesn't, you know, it gives me a little bit of that vibe of like the turning on sound and the like...
SPEAKER_3: But you want the movement.
SPEAKER_2: I want the movement.
SPEAKER_2: I want to feel like I'm having a lightsaber fight.
SPEAKER_2: I want, I want like to feel that cool.
SPEAKER_3: Isn't it like the sound is the light cutting through, like it's the reaction between the air and whatever.
SPEAKER_2: And then I think there were things in the app where it was like you were simulating having some sort of lightsaber fight.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I can't remember exactly.
SPEAKER_2: That might be something else, but I want to feel like I'm swinging around a lightsaber that really truly works as a lightsaber.
SPEAKER_3: So you want like dense light.
SPEAKER_2: I would like a lightsaber, yes.
SPEAKER_3: Cool.
SPEAKER_2: Now here's my concern with it.
SPEAKER_3: It kills?
SPEAKER_2: It does kill.
SPEAKER_2: And one of the things about lightsabers is if you aren't force sensitive, they're pretty hard to use.
SPEAKER_2: And you accidentally hurt yourself.
SPEAKER_2: And I'm not sure that I'm force sensitive because I don't know that the force is real.
SPEAKER_3: I feel like you're quite sensitive to being forced.
SPEAKER_3: There's so many uses for this, right?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: Like my first thought is construction.
SPEAKER_2: Because lightsabers are really good at cutting things.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: They cut through anything.
SPEAKER_3: Instead of like a saw.
SPEAKER_2: Lightsabers can melt steel beams.
SPEAKER_2: They can.
SPEAKER_2: So why use a saw when you can use a lightsaber?
SPEAKER_2: Hey, use it as a lighter.
SPEAKER_3: Just like, oh my God, tiny lightsabers that are just lighters that you flick open.
SPEAKER_2: And it's like, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: It's like this, but pitched up.
SPEAKER_3: What are good uses for a lightsaber?
SPEAKER_3: So like, what are the other shapes?
SPEAKER_3: Because I'm invested in the like lighter saber, which is just a little lighter that is a lightsaber.
SPEAKER_2: So you know how.
SPEAKER_3: Also, I was thinking like a bowl, and I'm not sure how that works.
SPEAKER_3: Or like a French fry cutter, where it's like you just drop the French fry in the French fry cutter and you get French fries.
SPEAKER_2: Or a waffle iron.
SPEAKER_3: Ooh.
SPEAKER_2: A waffle iron.
SPEAKER_2: It's shaped like a, it's shaped like a waffle.
SPEAKER_2: It uses waffles.
SPEAKER_2: That other instant thought was, do you ever need a bottle opener?
SPEAKER_2: You don't want a bottle opener on you.
SPEAKER_2: But you know how they can use a sword to open a bottle, and it's cool as hell?
SPEAKER_2: Right?
SPEAKER_2: It probably also sterilizes the tip because it's so fucking hot.
SPEAKER_3: Probably.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, it cauterizes-
SPEAKER_3: Oh, you can cauterize wounds.
SPEAKER_2: You could absolutely, yeah, you can cauterize wounds.
SPEAKER_2: Use it in medical usage.
SPEAKER_3: Do they do that in Star Wars?
SPEAKER_3: I feel like someone at some point must have gone, ah, I'm going to cauterize your wound with this lightsaber.
SPEAKER_2: Probably somewhere in the expanded universe.
SPEAKER_2: Because I don't think the Jedi have medical knowledge in general.
SPEAKER_2: They probably should.
SPEAKER_2: They should stop being weird murder Catholics and start being like nurses or something.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, God, the Jedi nurse is the story I want to read about.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, me too.
SPEAKER_2: But what about a pencil sharpener?
SPEAKER_3: Ooh, interesting.
SPEAKER_2: I know my girlfriend apparently, and artists, lots of artists do this, but I think it's wild, uses a knife to sharpen her pencils.
SPEAKER_2: So lightsaber knife to sharpen your pencils with.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, I thought it was like, you know the old school pencil sharpeners where they stick to the wall and you just sort of twist it a couple of times.
SPEAKER_2: Do you use a crank?
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, it's like a lightsaber inside that just sort of goes around in a cone shape.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that also works super duper well.
SPEAKER_2: What are some other usages of that?
SPEAKER_3: There's recycling.
SPEAKER_3: Like what if it's just like Sonic's ring, but in the middle, it's just like pure lightsaber energy and you just drop something in it and out comes like, I don't know, dust, vapor.
SPEAKER_3: What comes out the other side?
SPEAKER_3: When you, okay, all right.
SPEAKER_3: When you lightsaber something, what does it turn into?
SPEAKER_2: Who lightsaber is the verb, yes.
SPEAKER_2: What does it, it, so.
SPEAKER_3: What are you turning in it?
SPEAKER_3: Like, what is it?
SPEAKER_3: Is it consistent?
SPEAKER_3: Like if I lightsaber.
SPEAKER_2: Ash?
SPEAKER_3: Are you sure?
SPEAKER_3: Cause like, I don't know if that's true.
SPEAKER_3: It feels like it's nothing.
SPEAKER_3: It like, canonically, it always looks like you're cutting through it and then there's nothing.
SPEAKER_3: Is it just vaporizing it?
SPEAKER_3: What is the vapor made of?
SPEAKER_2: I will say, when they cut through a door, it does appear that the metal kind of twists.
SPEAKER_2: It does look like when you would heat metal.
SPEAKER_3: So I think it's just heat.
SPEAKER_2: It's just heat.
SPEAKER_3: How hot is it though, right?
SPEAKER_3: Cause it's like, it's pure light.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, I think we need to go to the Star Wars wiki.
SPEAKER_3: All right, we're bringing in the facts.
SPEAKER_3: This is the hard-hitting facts, folks.
SPEAKER_3: How much lightsaber can a lightsaber save if a lightsaber could save save?
SPEAKER_2: Well, I'm getting to the mechanics and specifications.
SPEAKER_2: Components, aesthetics, cutting power.
SPEAKER_3: Is it equivalent to if we just had a very long sun?
SPEAKER_2: Sorry?
SPEAKER_3: A very long sun.
SPEAKER_3: Like, like a star that was just, instead of an orb, it was like a bean-shaped, bean-shaped sun.
SPEAKER_2: It's not really saying a lot about how hot they are, which feels like the sort of nonsense information this thing should have.
SPEAKER_2: But what I can tell you is that there's a utility section, which says, on the aquatic planet of Moncala, the Jedi Kit Fisto, that's one of my favorite Jedi names, is Kit Fisto, Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano were all able to use their lightsabers underwater with no ill effects.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, like it doesn't even bubble the water.
SPEAKER_2: That's not heat them.
SPEAKER_3: That's light.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it's light.
SPEAKER_3: But it doesn't produce heat them.
SPEAKER_2: But it does, right?
SPEAKER_2: Because it cauterizes wounds.
SPEAKER_3: I guess so.
SPEAKER_3: Light is energy, and heat is energy in a different form.
SPEAKER_2: So I guess so.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, we know that it's kyber crystals.
SPEAKER_2: That's what the light part is made from.
SPEAKER_3: Kyber crystals.
SPEAKER_3: I'm super familiar with kyber crystals.
SPEAKER_2: We're all familiar with kyber crystals.
SPEAKER_2: We know that they're like the ancient gemstones that the Jedi used to make lightsabers, and they're very holy and very important.
SPEAKER_2: And they were also used in the creation of the Death Star as established in World 1.
SPEAKER_3: I'm pretty sure Yugi beat kyber in the first season.
SPEAKER_2: I will say in the utility page, it also says, while scenarios of low light, the glowing plasma blade could function as a convenient light source.
SPEAKER_2: So that's another usage.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, it's a light bulb.
SPEAKER_2: It's a light bulb.
SPEAKER_2: That's it.
SPEAKER_2: We found the correct usage of the lightsaber to put on your wall.
SPEAKER_3: It's like infinite energy, right?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, created from the kyber crystal.
SPEAKER_2: I don't think a kyber crystal burns out.
SPEAKER_3: Like, does it?
SPEAKER_3: What's the lifespan of a kyber crystal?
SPEAKER_3: Welcome to Salt Cravings, a Wikipedia page reading podcast.
SPEAKER_2: I just think that we need to be accurate when we talk about Star Wars, because if we aren't, you know what's going to happen to us?
SPEAKER_3: We're going to be put on the Wikipedia page?
SPEAKER_2: We're going to be executed and then put on the Wikipedia page.
SPEAKER_2: There's a lot here.
SPEAKER_2: There's a lot to unpack with this sentence.
SPEAKER_2: As part of Jedi training, younglings, which are children, were sent to...
SPEAKER_2: No, that's just me for the audience.
SPEAKER_2: Younglings were sent to the crystal cave of the ice planet of Ilum to mine crystals that are to construct their own lightsabers.
SPEAKER_2: The crystals' mix of unique luster was called the Water of the Kyber by the Jedi.
SPEAKER_2: They're also larger rare crystals with great power.
SPEAKER_2: According to legends, they were used at the heart of ancient superweapons by the Sith.
SPEAKER_2: It doesn't say anything about them ever burning out, so I have to imagine they're an infinite source.
SPEAKER_3: I mean, cause like a kyber crystal, I guess, is like how the prism reflects light.
SPEAKER_3: You know when like you have a really nice rock that reflects white light into a rainbow?
SPEAKER_3: It's like a rainbow into white light.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: Which is also a thing you can do with normal rocks.
SPEAKER_2: And of course they're colored because kyber crystals, huh?
SPEAKER_3: Cause you're splitting off the light.
SPEAKER_2: Ah, of course.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, good point.
SPEAKER_3: Physics.
SPEAKER_2: So they're light bulbs.
SPEAKER_2: They're just light bulbs.
SPEAKER_3: They're just light bulbs that can fill you up.
SPEAKER_2: Let's send younglings to the crystal cave.
SPEAKER_3: Get them to mine some kyber crystals for us.
SPEAKER_3: We don't need to send children to make us light bulbs.
SPEAKER_2: But the Jedi did it.
SPEAKER_3: The Jedi are morally...
SPEAKER_2: Right, in every way...
SPEAKER_3: .
SPEAKER_3: immovable.
SPEAKER_2: They are correct.
SPEAKER_2: Obviously, we all know this.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, I guess I don't really need to use a lightsaber if I kind of constantly have them...
SPEAKER_3: All right.
SPEAKER_3: What if?
SPEAKER_3: So you know headlamps?
SPEAKER_3: What if headlamps, lightsaber, unicorn style?
SPEAKER_2: I'm gonna be honest.
SPEAKER_2: I feel like we're not that far from that type of thing in a Star Wars...
SPEAKER_2: We've had some pretty whack lightsaber designs.
SPEAKER_2: I feel like we're pretty close.
SPEAKER_3: I think it's just a lightsaber on your forehead, and you're a narwhal now, a unicorn.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_2: You're just...
SPEAKER_3: You could put them on your horse.
SPEAKER_2: This is the new weird Sith concept.
SPEAKER_2: The next Sith is just going to have a lightsaber horn, and they're just going to fight that way, and just try to headbutt.
SPEAKER_2: And the Jedi person is like, how can you fight in this way?
SPEAKER_2: How are you not getting disoriented?
SPEAKER_2: And they're like, because I'm strong with the Force, and I know exactly where you are, despite the fact that...
SPEAKER_2: I'm a horse.
SPEAKER_2: Because they're also all horse now.
SPEAKER_3: I'm excited for the light.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, there are horse furries in the Star Wars universe.
SPEAKER_3: Great, good.
SPEAKER_3: I'm excited for the cavalry scene in Star Wars, where it's like the horses against...
SPEAKER_2: Gandalf shows up, and he's leading an attack of space horses.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_3: Is Gandalf a Grey Jedi or like a Jedi?
SPEAKER_2: Well, Gandalf the Grey is probably a Grey Jedi, but Gandalf the White seems pretty...
SPEAKER_3: Saviouristic.
SPEAKER_2: Decidedly, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: He's sort of a Gandalf the White Saviour of sorts.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I think he's pretty solidly a Jedi.
SPEAKER_3: I can't imagine going from a Grey Jedi to a Jedi.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, he did die and get reincarnated, so that helps.
SPEAKER_2: I will say, I am shocked that Sir Ian McKellen did not play a Jedi.
SPEAKER_2: That feels like kind of a shoe-in.
SPEAKER_2: That feels like it should have just happened.
SPEAKER_2: But, you know, I didn't write Star Wars yet.
SPEAKER_2: Stay tuned for 101 Uses of Lightsabers, the new Star Wars book that I'm going to put out.
SPEAKER_2: And with that, I think we can close our lightsaber discussion.
SPEAKER_3: I'm so glad the lightsaber discourse is done forever.
SPEAKER_2: We killed Star Wars.
SPEAKER_3: With a lightsaber?
SPEAKER_2: And we cauterized the wound.
SPEAKER_2: There's nothing coming out of there.
SPEAKER_3: I'm so glad Episode 9 doesn't exist anymore.
SPEAKER_2: We're just chopping it off.
SPEAKER_2: We're just taking one episode at a time.
SPEAKER_2: Taking it from both sides.
SPEAKER_2: So nine's gone, next one, we're coming for you.
SPEAKER_3: So I have a craver.
SPEAKER_2: Well, I should hope that you do.
SPEAKER_3: Have you ever signed up on the internet for any sort of account?
SPEAKER_3: You like put in your name and your email and your password, and then you get to a screen and it's like, can you click the box?
SPEAKER_3: You agree, right?
SPEAKER_3: How many times have you read the...
SPEAKER_2: Never.
SPEAKER_2: Maybe once or a couple of times, probably.
SPEAKER_2: The whole thing?
SPEAKER_2: I think I've read maybe one that was fairly short, like once or twice.
SPEAKER_3: Okay, cool, cool, cool.
SPEAKER_2: But very rarely.
SPEAKER_3: Nobody reads them.
SPEAKER_3: Like, people should, you should be aware of what you are agreeing to, but legal language is dense.
SPEAKER_2: And bad.
SPEAKER_3: It's that way on purpose.
SPEAKER_2: It is that way on purpose.
SPEAKER_3: And what I'm craving is like terms and conditions that are easy to understand and read.
SPEAKER_3: Oowoo, we take your data, please.
SPEAKER_2: I have the solution instantly.
SPEAKER_2: So we're gonna make an app.
SPEAKER_2: It's gonna be called Lawyer to Human.
SPEAKER_3: We're just gonna like make a new language in Google Translate called Lawyer.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_2: And it's gonna translate legal to human.
SPEAKER_2: Maybe it should be legally human because Lawyer to Human implies that lawyers are human.
SPEAKER_3: Wait, there's sharks.
SPEAKER_2: I don't think that all lawyers are sharks.
SPEAKER_2: Some lawyers are good.
SPEAKER_2: Shout out to the lawyers who are helping people with the wet switch and protests and stuff.
SPEAKER_2: All other lawyers are bad.
SPEAKER_2: Legal to Human, it's an app.
SPEAKER_2: It translates it instantly.
SPEAKER_2: And we'll have the lawyers work on it.
SPEAKER_3: I don't know if you've ever read or signed a non-disclosure agreement with a company.
SPEAKER_3: Or at all.
SPEAKER_2: No, I don't think that I have, actually.
SPEAKER_2: I know lots of people who have.
SPEAKER_2: I know lots of people who work in animation.
SPEAKER_3: They're dense.
SPEAKER_3: They're hard to read.
SPEAKER_3: And it's boring.
SPEAKER_3: And it is that way on purpose because you, as an individual, are not supposed to be able to take this and do something with it.
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_3: And I want to do something.
SPEAKER_3: I want to be able to be like, yeah, I'll sign this because I perfectly understand what is happening.
SPEAKER_2: So maybe we need to go even further because the problem with the app, and again, it's a perfect idea, super easy to make.
SPEAKER_2: The thing about it is you would have to put this agreement into the app.
SPEAKER_2: You can't always do that.
SPEAKER_2: If you're in someone's office and they're having you sign something and you have to be like, oh god, I have to do it right now.
SPEAKER_2: So what's our solution there, Clair?
SPEAKER_3: Oh, I know.
SPEAKER_3: So I think we need to ban the words hence and therefore.
SPEAKER_3: And that's it.
SPEAKER_3: That's the whole solution.
SPEAKER_3: I think everything else just falls into place.
SPEAKER_2: So you're saying that we will ban those words therefore we will...
SPEAKER_3: Dad.
SPEAKER_2: I'm going to prison now.
SPEAKER_2: You're going to legal prison.
SPEAKER_2: What?
SPEAKER_3: You're going to legal prison.
SPEAKER_2: I'm going to legal prison.
SPEAKER_2: I think that's called a prison.
SPEAKER_3: I think that's called prison.
SPEAKER_3: Legal prison is a smaller prison inside of a prison where you're just forced to read legal documents all day.
SPEAKER_2: I hate it.
SPEAKER_2: Wow.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Isn't that called law school?
SPEAKER_3: Okay, but actually, like, there are some examples of, like, good terms and conditions.
SPEAKER_3: Google, for all its...
SPEAKER_2: Evil.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: They are trying to make their terms and conditions more readable in all of their products.
SPEAKER_3: And they're not the first.
SPEAKER_3: They're just one of the loudest more recently.
SPEAKER_3: I've read good terms and conditions.
SPEAKER_3: Good terms and conditions will tell you exactly what data they are saving.
SPEAKER_3: And they will tell you exactly what data they will sell.
SPEAKER_3: And I have feelings about that.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, which is better than nothing.
SPEAKER_2: My real genuine answer here is that, like, I think that we need government policy to, like, pass.
SPEAKER_2: Regulations, yes.
SPEAKER_2: We need regulation in order to force companies to actually be clear and transparent about what their terms and conditions are saying.
SPEAKER_3: And also what constitutes the ability to sell data.
SPEAKER_2: Exactly, right?
SPEAKER_2: Consumer protections are not a thing that are unheard of.
SPEAKER_2: It's just a thing that has been heavily weakened by decades upon decades of conservative policy.
SPEAKER_3: And also the combination that data traveling as fast as it does now is a new thing.
SPEAKER_2: It's absolutely a new thing and a lot of government has never been prepared for it.
SPEAKER_2: And certainly is not prepared for it.
SPEAKER_2: And often doesn't care because they are being lobbied or bought or whatever.
SPEAKER_2: But in a perfect world, I mean in a perfect world, they are selling our data.
SPEAKER_2: In a better world, we could absolutely, I think, institute policy solutions that would help a lot here, clarify things to put restrictions on what sort of data you're allowed to sell, and when you're allowed to sell it, and having opt-outs and stuff like that.
SPEAKER_2: So overthrow the government?
SPEAKER_2: That's my solution.
SPEAKER_3: Alright, cool.
SPEAKER_2: If we want to set the terms and conditions, we simply overthrow the government.
SPEAKER_3: We will provide the government with a legal document that if they do not meet the exact requirements of the government, they are ours now.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, how do we get them to sign it?
SPEAKER_2: What's in it for them?
SPEAKER_3: You see, there's a term in it where if they don't sign it, then they agree to it.
SPEAKER_3: And if they do sign it, then they have to follow a ritual.
SPEAKER_3: What if we do rituals instead?
SPEAKER_2: Ooh, rituals.
SPEAKER_2: That's sort of like...
SPEAKER_3: Come into rituals.
SPEAKER_2: That's sort of like law, but it's a lot more realistic.
SPEAKER_3: Blood law.
SPEAKER_2: It's like blood law.
SPEAKER_2: It's like you sign a contract.
SPEAKER_3: But now we are blood buddies.
SPEAKER_3: And now we will not sell your data.
SPEAKER_2: And that's what they say.
SPEAKER_2: They say that's when people do rituals, they're like, no, we are blood buddies.
SPEAKER_2: It's a very friendly sort of ritual.
SPEAKER_2: We only do friendly witchcraft.
SPEAKER_1: Everybody put a little bit of their blood in the chalice, and we're all going to drink from it.
SPEAKER_3: Now we are bound by the laws of the government.
SPEAKER_2: I feel like that's kind of just how our society operates.
SPEAKER_2: You know, I think we live in a society, Clair.
SPEAKER_3: It's kind of like how a deal isn't closed until you shake on it.
SPEAKER_2: Right, that's legally binding.
SPEAKER_3: So what if instead of handshaking, it's like blood buddies?
SPEAKER_2: So what if instead of terms and conditions, it's like blood buddies?
SPEAKER_2: Give a little bit of your blood, the company gives a little bit of their blood.
SPEAKER_3: Look, it's not terms and conditions, it's blood and blood.
SPEAKER_2: It's blood and blood.
SPEAKER_2: This is what people mean when they talk about blood, sweat and tears.
SPEAKER_3: All right, you put your blood, your sweat and your tears in a chalice and you drink from it.
SPEAKER_2: And now they sell your data, and you get to use your email.
SPEAKER_3: You can't become a CEO until you at least contribute a little bit of your blood, sweat and tears to each of your employees.
SPEAKER_2: Every time you hire a new employee, you just prick your finger, and they prick their finger, and you shake hands, and there you go.
SPEAKER_2: You know, we could have lived in a different world where that is actually the case.
SPEAKER_2: We could have lived in a world where that is just genuinely part of our tradition.
SPEAKER_2: We just think it's weird because we think blood is weird.
SPEAKER_1: I think blood is cool.
SPEAKER_2: I also think blood is cool, but we, as a society, we live in a blood irony.
SPEAKER_2: We live blood...
SPEAKER_2: Blood city.
SPEAKER_2: Welcome to blood city.
SPEAKER_2: It's super normal here, actually.
SPEAKER_2: We just have a weird ass name.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know why we called it blood city, but uh...
SPEAKER_3: It's just because they really like the color red.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, they actually just really like...
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, it's like a super nice place.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah, you like go in, you're like, blood city, and it's like a blood red, like all of the buildings, there's this blood red tint to the whole city, and all of the buildings are really like tall and menacing, and everyone meets like, hey, how you doing?
SPEAKER_1: Hey, welcome to blood city, how can I help you?
SPEAKER_2: Can I get you anything?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, what do you need?
SPEAKER_2: Like, is this some sort of trap?
SPEAKER_2: What do you mean?
SPEAKER_3: Blood city, we strive to be as transparent as possible.
SPEAKER_2: Absolutely, no terms and conditions here.
SPEAKER_1: Look, blood may be opaque, but we're transparent.
SPEAKER_2: We're sort of more like saliva in that way.
SPEAKER_3: Slime-a-town, outskirts of blood city.
SPEAKER_2: Now that's a place you don't want to go.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, God, they kiss to close every deal.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, we can't even get started on semenville.
SPEAKER_2: That's the one inside you, Jeno.
SPEAKER_3: What happens when someone from saliva-town and semenville make a demon?
SPEAKER_2: I was making an offhand joke.
SPEAKER_2: We don't need to explore it.
SPEAKER_2: How did they make a deal?
SPEAKER_3: They don't call me the cum gobbler because I'm not good at closing deals.
SPEAKER_3: I got that name by Blood, Sweat, Cum and Tears.
SPEAKER_2: You know, Bloodsucker has a very different connotation here.
SPEAKER_2: You know, I sort of have a Legally themed craving as well.
SPEAKER_3: Okay.
SPEAKER_2: The other night, I, for the first time, watched Legally Blonde.
SPEAKER_3: Oh my god.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, not the musical.
SPEAKER_2: I still need to watch the musical.
SPEAKER_2: I don't understand why it's hailed as a feminist classic.
SPEAKER_3: Because it came out in the early 2000s.
SPEAKER_3: There, it doesn't exist in the early 2000s.
SPEAKER_2: You're right.
SPEAKER_2: It was super duper...
SPEAKER_2: There's a lot in that movie where I'm just like, is the moral of the story that some women are good and some women are bad?
SPEAKER_3: And that's feminism.
SPEAKER_2: And that's feminism.
SPEAKER_2: And also, you should defend the woman who does a weight loss thing and not tell anyone to her alibi is that she's getting liposuction because her weight thing is a scam.
SPEAKER_2: That is a thing that happened to Legally Blonde.
SPEAKER_3: Maybe the play is better.
SPEAKER_2: I think the play might be better because that bit in the movie is so pretty.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, I don't remember that.
SPEAKER_3: Cause I've seen the most recently I've seen the play and I've seen it a couple of times.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: And the music is great.
SPEAKER_2: I should probably watch the musical.
SPEAKER_2: I probably would really enjoy it.
SPEAKER_3: Is the movie a musical?
SPEAKER_3: Oh, I had assumed that the movie was a musical.
SPEAKER_2: No, I had also assumed.
SPEAKER_2: Here's the thing about Legally Blonde.
SPEAKER_2: I didn't like a lot.
SPEAKER_2: There's a lot in there that I do not like, but one thing I really like is the aesthetic of Legally Blonde.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, absolutely.
SPEAKER_2: And the vibes and the femininity and all of that.
SPEAKER_2: I had deeply this craving of like, damn, what if that was me?
SPEAKER_2: That was just the vibe and the craving.
SPEAKER_3: You wanna go to law school?
SPEAKER_2: More I want the aesthetic that Elle Woods has when going to law school or just in general.
SPEAKER_2: That's the vibe.
SPEAKER_2: She has this full pink suit look, and it's just incredible.
SPEAKER_3: In the movie, because in the play, she gets the pink suit in the penultimate scene.
SPEAKER_3: Does she wear that earlier in the movie?
SPEAKER_2: No, that's in the penultimate scene.
SPEAKER_2: That's in the penultimate scene.
SPEAKER_3: It's a really good outfit.
SPEAKER_2: It's an extremely good outfit.
SPEAKER_2: And she's just wearing extremely good outfits throughout the whole movie.
SPEAKER_2: The opening of the movie is just her having a great time and all of her sorority sisters are also really nice.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: It's just a lot of femininity, and it's very good and cool and cute.
SPEAKER_2: I'm just like, this is a good vibe.
SPEAKER_3: And there's the shit bag.
SPEAKER_2: And there's the shit bag, and he sucks, but don't worry, there are also good men out there.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, like, God, I've forgotten all of the characters' names.
SPEAKER_2: So have I, except for Elle Woods.
SPEAKER_3: Elle Woods, and oh, what was the professor's name?
SPEAKER_2: Callahan?
SPEAKER_3: Callahan.
SPEAKER_3: Callahan is a wild character.
SPEAKER_2: The worst done character in that movie is the other girl, is the shitbag's new fiance.
SPEAKER_3: I love her in the play.
SPEAKER_2: In the movie, she's like kind of really poorly handled.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, in the play, she's an asshole, and I guess, spoiler's really good.
SPEAKER_3: Spoiler's really good.
SPEAKER_3: In the play, she's like an asshole at first, and then she realizes the boy's kind of meh, and then they become friends.
SPEAKER_2: And that's sort of what happens in the play, in the movie, but then she sees Callahan sexually harassing Elle, and instead of helping Elle, she assumes that Elle is trying to sue the Callahan.
SPEAKER_3: Oh my God, that's literally opposite of what happens in the play.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, for real?
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, she's like, fuck Callahan, you do this.
SPEAKER_3: You're so much better at this.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, no, that is not what happened in the movie.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, see, this is why it's like a feminist thing, is it's like Callahan does that, and then it's like, okay, fuck these men, we're just gonna like take over this shit.
SPEAKER_2: In the movie version, it's like she says that, and then they're talking, and then she and the good dude are talking at one point, and he's like, no, he was like-
SPEAKER_3: The one who loves books so much.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: There's a whole song about it.
SPEAKER_2: That is not a thing in the movie.
SPEAKER_2: But he basically is like, well, no, actually, the professor was sexually harassing her, and she's like, oh, no, I've made a huge mistake.
SPEAKER_2: And then nothing follows after that with her at all.
SPEAKER_2: The person who tells Elle that she's good actually, and that she should do it is a female professor.
SPEAKER_2: Who has one scene kind of at the beginning of the movie.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, is not a character in the play, I don't know.
SPEAKER_3: What about the hairdresser?
SPEAKER_2: The hairdresser is still there.
SPEAKER_3: Is she Irish?
SPEAKER_2: No, she's-
SPEAKER_2: Fuck, that's her character.
SPEAKER_2: No, she's not Irish, she's also just a blonde, kind of buffoonish lady.
SPEAKER_1: With the mailman who falls in love with her.
SPEAKER_2: That's cute, that's cute and good.
SPEAKER_3: That song is amazing.
SPEAKER_2: God, I can only imagine how much better this would be with music.
SPEAKER_3: And she does an Irish jig with the mailman at the penultimate song.
SPEAKER_2: That's cute and good.
SPEAKER_3: It's so good, the song is so good.
SPEAKER_2: I feel like what I want is probably the aesthetic and vibe that the musical has.
SPEAKER_2: Because I think the movie fumbles it pretty severely.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, it clearly does.
SPEAKER_2: So I want that vibe.
SPEAKER_2: Here's the thing, Legally Blonde and a lot of these types of movies could be a lot better if they weren't so fucking hip.
SPEAKER_2: It's just, the problem with the Legally Blonde movie is that they have to be like, oh, but there's this other man who's good and she gets with him.
SPEAKER_3: I mean, can you just imagine the play, but instead of the book boy, it's the girl who is dating the boyfriend.
SPEAKER_3: But like, they just don't talk about it for a while because the shitty ex-boyfriend, like, doesn't mention it because he's like that.
SPEAKER_3: Because I know lots of people like that where it's like, oh, you're friends with this person.
SPEAKER_3: Great.
SPEAKER_3: I'm not going to say anything.
SPEAKER_3: And so like, they grow their friendship.
SPEAKER_3: And then like, and then the penultimate scene happens with the shitty professor Callahan doing the shit.
SPEAKER_3: And then they work together.
SPEAKER_3: And it's like, no, we fucking got this together.
SPEAKER_3: And what?
SPEAKER_3: Like, I'm with you.
SPEAKER_3: And then they kiss afterwards.
SPEAKER_2: I like that.
SPEAKER_2: I like that a lot.
SPEAKER_3: Do they do the scene?
SPEAKER_3: There's a song in the play about the person couldn't have been the boyfriend because he's gay.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, that's a that's a thing and a bit that they do in the in the movie.
SPEAKER_3: Is it fun and whimsical like it is in the play?
SPEAKER_3: Or is it really homophobic?
SPEAKER_2: It's pretty homophobic.
SPEAKER_2: What is it?
SPEAKER_3: It's kind of homophobic in the play, but it's more whimsical.
SPEAKER_2: It's like in the movie, it's he makes some sort of bitchy comment about her last season Prada shoes and she's like, and she runs into the courtroom to how it is like, he must be gay because he wouldn't know what shoes are if he was straight.
SPEAKER_2: And then this is where it somehow gets worse.
SPEAKER_2: The book guy, I guess he's associated with books.
SPEAKER_2: He's not associated with books in the movie all that much.
SPEAKER_2: But he goes up and he's like cross-examining this witness and is like asking the dude a bunch of questions.
SPEAKER_2: And then he's like, it's a rapid fire question.
SPEAKER_2: And then his last one is, and your boyfriend's name is, and the dude's like, Carl.
SPEAKER_3: Carl?
SPEAKER_2: Or something like that.
SPEAKER_3: He does do that in the song, but it's very like, it's great and good.
SPEAKER_2: That's an all right moment.
SPEAKER_2: But then, and then he's like, actually, I thought you said friend, and then the boyfriend gets up from the audience, and he's like, oh, how dare you?
SPEAKER_2: You know, I thought we were, you know, more than that, and blah, blah, blah, and it's a whole mess.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, that happens in the play.
SPEAKER_2: It's just not especially whimsical.
SPEAKER_2: Right.
SPEAKER_2: So it's all like very fast.
SPEAKER_2: A, it feels like it would be better if it was part of a song, and B, it's not especially whimsical.
SPEAKER_2: It's more kind of just homophobic.
SPEAKER_2: Which, you know, that's about what I'm expecting from this.
SPEAKER_2: I think what I want is Legally Blonde, but better.
SPEAKER_3: The musical.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I think I want Legally Blonde, the musical.
SPEAKER_2: There's a sort of double craving here, which is I want Legally Blonde to be better.
SPEAKER_2: And also, I'm gonna work of that fucking hyperfemininity, like, good shit.
SPEAKER_3: Can you imagine, like, that final court scene where it's like, I know he's gay, not because of that whole thing, but because we went to, like, a queer party together on campus, and I saw him there.
SPEAKER_2: God, yeah.
SPEAKER_3: Like, I know who that is.
SPEAKER_3: I should listen to that musical again.
SPEAKER_2: I should maybe watch that musical.
SPEAKER_2: That sounds like a better version.
SPEAKER_3: Let's go see Legally Blonde.
SPEAKER_2: Let's just go see Legally Blonde.
SPEAKER_2: This was me going, like, hey, what the fuck is up with this movie?
SPEAKER_2: And finding out that actually musical is about 10 times better.
SPEAKER_3: I feel like it's better, not because the content is different, but because when it's a two and a half minute song, you understand why things move faster or recontextualize, versus when it's a movie and you're just saying the words of the song, it's like, oh, you're just saying shitty things instead of like summarizing via song.
SPEAKER_2: I will say the person who plays Elle Woods in the movie is excellent, does an excellent job.
SPEAKER_2: And also it happens to be a like was not at the time, but now is a disabled badass.
SPEAKER_3: Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_2: That's really cool.
SPEAKER_2: No, it's actually the person who plays, the one who I was thinking of as the person who plays Vivian in the movie is Selma Blair.
SPEAKER_3: Selma Blair.
SPEAKER_2: She's excellent.
SPEAKER_2: Elle Woods is actually just Reese Witherspoon, who does an excellent job as well.
SPEAKER_2: But she also played Selma Blair.
SPEAKER_3: Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Who's great.
SPEAKER_3: Let's go watch a musical.
SPEAKER_2: Let's go watch a musical.
SPEAKER_1: Do you wanna watch a musical?
SPEAKER_3: It doesn't have to be a movie.
SPEAKER_2: Also, I keep thinking about dyeing my hair blonde.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know that I'm actually gonna do it, but it could be fun.
SPEAKER_3: So I have a craving.
SPEAKER_2: Tell me your craving.
SPEAKER_3: I'll have a theme.
SPEAKER_3: So not only should we have terms and conditions that make sense.
SPEAKER_2: Legally blonde should be better.
SPEAKER_3: We should have legally blonde that makes sense.
SPEAKER_3: No, my craving is owning your data.
SPEAKER_3: I hate that when you sign up for a company, they own the data that you give them.
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_3: I don't think that's fair.
SPEAKER_3: Data is currency as far as I'm concerned.
SPEAKER_3: So I think you own, I have the craving where I want to see people own their data.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, work it.
SPEAKER_3: You choose who can use your information.
SPEAKER_3: And you can revoke that access at any time.
SPEAKER_2: I think people really need to own their data, really need to like-
SPEAKER_3: Really come into their data.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, like really work it with their data.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, data workouts.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_2: Work out your data.
SPEAKER_3: Hi, my name is Tawny Buck, and I am a data workout specialist.
SPEAKER_2: Exercise your data.
SPEAKER_3: Today, we're gonna spend 10 minutes warming up our data, and then we're gonna use our glutes to get our data to our top notch.
SPEAKER_2: So I think I know the best way to get people to own their data.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, is it a workout video?
SPEAKER_2: So, I mean, the workout video-
SPEAKER_3: It's a 1980s style workout video with the full on headband, arm bands and leg bands.
SPEAKER_2: Well, maybe that can be our way in, because I know how we're gonna get our data back, digitalized.
SPEAKER_2: We're gonna hack.
SPEAKER_3: We're gonna hack the mainframe.
SPEAKER_2: We're hacking the mainframe.
SPEAKER_2: We're hackers now.
SPEAKER_2: We're gonna go to Grand Central Station and plug in to the telephone booths there and do a hackathon where we hack the planet.
SPEAKER_2: Just like in the classic 90s movie, Hackers.
SPEAKER_2: And we're gonna get our data back.
SPEAKER_2: So, what are some of the obstacles that are set up for us?
SPEAKER_2: Because the first step to owning your data is getting all of the data back that has been taken from you.
SPEAKER_2: We'll figure out how to prevent any more of our data from getting taken after.
SPEAKER_2: But first, we gotta get our data back.
SPEAKER_3: Let's go down this road.
SPEAKER_3: But just to be clear, in my mind, it doesn't mean getting your data back.
SPEAKER_3: It means if you say, you can no longer use my data, they are legally not allowed to use your data in any capacity.
SPEAKER_3: Anyways, let's get our data back.
SPEAKER_2: You're absolutely right, and we will institute that, but first, we gotta get our data back.
SPEAKER_3: Okay, for whatever reason, we're gonna get our data back.
SPEAKER_2: It's a good drive.
SPEAKER_2: How do we get our data back?
SPEAKER_2: How do we hack into the mainframe and get our data?
SPEAKER_3: I have a computer science degree, so I can say with certainty that any hacker, you have to have really fast hands.
SPEAKER_3: So I think it's a lot of finger exercises.
SPEAKER_2: If NCIS taught me anything in the time I watched it, it is helpful to have two people typing on one keyboard.
SPEAKER_2: Which is a thing that happens.
SPEAKER_2: So in an episode of NCIS, a show I watched much longer than I would like to admit, there is an episode where they get hacked and are rapidly trying to stop the hack.
SPEAKER_2: And as a part of rapidly trying to stop the hack, two of them end up typing on the same keyboard at once.
SPEAKER_2: Wow.
SPEAKER_2: It's extremely good.
SPEAKER_2: And then the actual way they stop the hack is the big grumpy grump dude who doesn't know technology, just unplugs the computer.
SPEAKER_2: And that's how they stop the hack.
SPEAKER_2: NCIS is awful.
SPEAKER_2: It's extremely bad.
SPEAKER_2: That moment.
SPEAKER_2: But that is accurate to how hacking works, right?
SPEAKER_2: What if we simply unplug it?
SPEAKER_2: What if we just unplug the data?
SPEAKER_2: What if we go in and unplug the data, therefore eliminating the data?
SPEAKER_2: Then we can...
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, okay, actually.
SPEAKER_3: Okay, all right, all right.
SPEAKER_3: I got it.
SPEAKER_3: So I recently started working for a company that writes software for data centers.
SPEAKER_3: So I'm just gonna write a thing that turns off all the data centers.
SPEAKER_2: And instead replaces it with a workout video.
SPEAKER_3: Every piece of data is a workout video now.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_2: All the data centers just have a workout video instead.
SPEAKER_3: So like you open YouTube, it's like, ah, it's this new Breath of the Wild speed run.
SPEAKER_3: I'm really interested in this.
SPEAKER_3: It's six hours long.
SPEAKER_3: Great.
SPEAKER_3: I'm gonna click it.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, it's a workout video.
SPEAKER_2: What?
SPEAKER_2: What's happening?
SPEAKER_2: Is it some sort of bit?
SPEAKER_2: I don't understand.
SPEAKER_3: I guess this is just the intro.
SPEAKER_3: I guess I'll just...
SPEAKER_3: Oh, no, it's been ten minutes now.
SPEAKER_3: They're still going.
SPEAKER_2: It's actually a live workout.
SPEAKER_2: It's a live stream workout.
SPEAKER_3: All right.
SPEAKER_2: We are replacing all data with live streams.
SPEAKER_2: Welcome to Twitch, everyone.
SPEAKER_3: The actual science part of me is cringing, but I love this.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, this is all just the getting the data back section, right?
SPEAKER_3: That's okay.
SPEAKER_3: Are we getting it back by just deleting it?
SPEAKER_2: Do you need your data?
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, sure.
SPEAKER_3: Why not?
SPEAKER_2: You're right.
SPEAKER_2: We'll do a bait and switch.
SPEAKER_2: It's sort of like...
SPEAKER_3: They get the workout video, we get the data, and then like, how do you carry your data around?
SPEAKER_2: Is it a briefcase?
SPEAKER_3: Is it a wallet?
SPEAKER_3: Is it like a little chewing gum?
SPEAKER_3: Like, when you...
SPEAKER_3: When I give you a piece of chewing gum, it's like, here, you can have my data, and you eat the chewing gum, and now you have my data.
SPEAKER_2: I think that that makes sense.
SPEAKER_2: It's sort of like in the first Indiana Jones movie, when he replaces the thing that's on the way to thing with a sandbag.
SPEAKER_2: It doesn't work there, but it works here.
SPEAKER_2: And you just keep it in your bag.
SPEAKER_2: You just keep your data ravelling around in your bag.
SPEAKER_2: It's also sort of like, I'm just really pulling from different influences, but it's sort of like in Pokemon Sun and Moon, how Lily keeps the...
SPEAKER_2: Nebby in a bag.
SPEAKER_2: That's the sort of vibe, is that if you open the bag, there's just your data floating around in there.
SPEAKER_2: Because data, as we all know, is a liquid.
SPEAKER_3: Okay, liquid data.
SPEAKER_3: All right.
SPEAKER_3: Here's an idea.
SPEAKER_3: So you know how cars need oil changes?
SPEAKER_2: Yes.
SPEAKER_3: What if when you give your data out, it only lasts for so long, and you have to give them a new little vial of your data?
SPEAKER_2: I see.
SPEAKER_3: So they can have your data for some time.
SPEAKER_2: Sort of like a data prescription.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, you prescribe your data.
SPEAKER_2: Right, you prescribe your data.
SPEAKER_3: Instead of describe your data, you prescribe your data.
SPEAKER_2: Do you inject data in your bloodstream?
SPEAKER_2: I'm going to inject data into my bloodstream, become a cyborg.
SPEAKER_2: I'm going to know so much, Clair.
SPEAKER_2: I'm going to inject so much data into my bloodstream, I'm going to know so much.
SPEAKER_3: There's going to be people who are like, I just need more data.
SPEAKER_3: This is how robots become...
SPEAKER_3: It's like, look, I don't have enough data.
SPEAKER_3: I am a data hoarder.
SPEAKER_3: Welcome to my TV show, Data Hoarders.
SPEAKER_3: Today we're going to help this poor soul.
SPEAKER_3: They've been hoarding data for the past 50 years.
SPEAKER_3: They keep a collection of vials on their windowsill for data they don't want to use yet because it's their most precious data.
SPEAKER_2: You're also describing something that happened recently in part of them with Figure A.
SPEAKER_2: This is clearly something that we have established can happen to robots.
SPEAKER_2: My question is, how do we ensure that they can't steal any more of your data?
SPEAKER_2: Now, everyone has workout videos instead of the data.
SPEAKER_3: Well, I think that's the prescription, right?
SPEAKER_3: Like, even if they get their hands on your data, they only have it for so long.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, so you're sort of talking about inserting a depreservative into the liquid data to make sure that it expires after a certain amount of time.
SPEAKER_3: It's like when you have oil in your car, it gets used.
SPEAKER_3: You got to use your data to make sense of it.
SPEAKER_2: Right.
SPEAKER_3: But then you have less data.
SPEAKER_2: How do people use the data?
SPEAKER_3: They insert it.
SPEAKER_2: Where?
SPEAKER_3: Inject it into the computer.
SPEAKER_2: Into the computer, and then the computer knows the data, but only for so long.
SPEAKER_3: Only for so long, before the...
SPEAKER_2: It deteriorates slowly.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, it deteriorates.
SPEAKER_2: As it is used.
SPEAKER_3: It uses up the data.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense to me.
SPEAKER_3: It's just a big vat of data.
SPEAKER_3: A computer is just, look, a computer is just a giant vat of liquid that you pour a collection of different data into.
SPEAKER_3: This is my data vat.
SPEAKER_2: What do you think a spherina is?
SPEAKER_2: It's just the data, the glass part of the tank of data.
SPEAKER_3: You know fish tanks are actually just data.
SPEAKER_2: I'm gonna make the coolest, most knowledgeable fish in the whole world.
SPEAKER_2: He's gonna be swimming in data.
SPEAKER_3: This gives a whole different meaning to water-cooled computers.
SPEAKER_3: Where it's just instead of water, it's just data.
SPEAKER_3: Your computer is just filled with data.
SPEAKER_2: Your computer is just filled with data.
SPEAKER_3: Distilled data.
SPEAKER_3: Welcome to my company, distilled data.
SPEAKER_2: What is distilled data like as opposed to raw data?
SPEAKER_3: Now, just to make the comparison, I was going with distilled water, and just to be clear, raw water is a thing, but it's not the thing that I think you meant it to be.
SPEAKER_2: Well, it sort of is.
SPEAKER_2: Because raw water is actually pretty toxic for you and not great.
SPEAKER_2: And not great.
SPEAKER_2: You shouldn't drink it.
SPEAKER_2: Don't drink raw water.
SPEAKER_3: Unless you're a celebrity influencer who pays billions of dollars for a bottle of raw water like they did in California last year or something.
SPEAKER_2: So don't drink raw water, and also don't inject raw data.
SPEAKER_3: Also don't drink distilled water.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, also don't do that.
SPEAKER_2: Drink like normal.
SPEAKER_3: Just drink fucking water.
SPEAKER_3: You know, foily water, and then pour it on your face, and you're good.
SPEAKER_2: Immediately after boiling.
SPEAKER_2: I'm so glad we're not a water advice podcast.
SPEAKER_3: Welcome to a water tasting podcast.
SPEAKER_3: Today I'm going to describe the nuances of this water.
SPEAKER_3: Swish's water.
SPEAKER_2: This water is...
SPEAKER_2: I'm getting notes of getting oaky notes.
SPEAKER_2: I'm getting kind of...
SPEAKER_2: It's very buttery.
SPEAKER_3: I put butter in every glass of water.
SPEAKER_3: Look, you can have your raspberry flavoured water, but I want my butter water.
SPEAKER_2: Movie theatre butter in my water.
SPEAKER_2: I think it tastes like butter water.
SPEAKER_2: Are there data sommeliers?
SPEAKER_3: What is a sommelier?
SPEAKER_2: A sommelier is like a wine expert who...
SPEAKER_3: Oh yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_3: They're not data sommeliers.
SPEAKER_2: They just have their glass where they're just swirling...
SPEAKER_2: It's like...
SPEAKER_2: This smells...
SPEAKER_1: Oh, I'm getting a hint of John?
SPEAKER_2: There's something very...
SPEAKER_3: 1990...
SPEAKER_3: Oh, 1990.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, 84.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, interesting.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, this is a particularly interesting email that I'm tasting.
SPEAKER_3: Bloodsucker in cumvill.
SPEAKER_2: At Gmail.
SPEAKER_3: This has been Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: An extremely normal podcast.
SPEAKER_3: Extremely normal podcast.
SPEAKER_3: Find us in Blood City.
SPEAKER_2: At Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_3: At Salt Cravings on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.
SPEAKER_3: And Blood Book.
SPEAKER_2: Also, you can leave us a review, and that would be super duper rad, on iTunes or on Stitcher, anywhere.
SPEAKER_3: Write it down on a piece of paper, put it in the fire, we'll get it.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, we'll get it.
SPEAKER_2: It's sort of like, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: It's witchcraft.
SPEAKER_2: It's all witchcraft, including Patreon.
SPEAKER_2: You can give us a dollar on.
SPEAKER_3: Patreon is witchcraft.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, give us a dollar on Patreon.
SPEAKER_2: It's witchcraft.
SPEAKER_2: It's witchcraft, and we will, in fact, use that money for rituals.
SPEAKER_2: If you want that, we'll do it.
SPEAKER_2: We will.
SPEAKER_3: Want to submit a craving?
SPEAKER_3: Submissions at saltcraving.com.
SPEAKER_3: Go email that right now.
SPEAKER_2: You already know.
SPEAKER_3: You know what your craving is.
SPEAKER_3: Let's be real.
SPEAKER_3: Take like five seconds.
SPEAKER_2: Yes.
SPEAKER_3: What are you craving?
SPEAKER_2: Let's do five seconds of silence.
SPEAKER_2: People can think of their cravings.
SPEAKER_3: All right, go.
SPEAKER_2: Submission is all cravings.
SPEAKER_3: Right now.
SPEAKER_3: Right now, right now.
SPEAKER_3: All right, all right.
SPEAKER_3: This is it.
SPEAKER_3: That's the end.
SPEAKER_3: All right, we're going.
SPEAKER_3: We're done.