SPEAKER_2: Hello, and welcome to Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: We exist in a perfectly normal world where nothing bad is happening because this is a comedy podcast.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, fuck it, dude.
SPEAKER_3: Hey, my name's Brianna.
SPEAKER_2: But you know, in the theoretical possibility that if you did live in a world that was bad, there probably would be links to donations that would maybe help the world in the theoretical comments of the podcast that theoretically exists in that world, which would be this podcast if you click the comments.
SPEAKER_3: And theoretically, if you were mad about a potential situation involving a children's author who has gone full mask off on turf and this, you should donate to black trans women and trans women of color.
SPEAKER_3: And those theoretically those links would be in the description.
SPEAKER_2: And if you theoretically lived in a world where prisons still existed, I think there could potentially also be sub literature in how to remove those institutions from your theoretical world.
SPEAKER_3: Thank God in our world, there's no prisons or children's authors.
SPEAKER_2: The new radical hot take that all leftists love is you just put all the children's authors in prison.
SPEAKER_1: Jesus.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, that's what we're saying.
SPEAKER_3: That's what we're saying here on Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: So this is a comedy podcast.
SPEAKER_2: We're gonna share some cravings.
SPEAKER_2: You're gonna sit back, have a good time.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know, eat some chips, lie and crave.
SPEAKER_3: Be bisexual.
SPEAKER_2: Be bisexual.
SPEAKER_2: If you're not bisexual, you get no hot chips and you cannot lie.
SPEAKER_4: Shit, I can't lie.
SPEAKER_3: And I cannot eat hot chips.
SPEAKER_2: Do you want to get this ball rolling down the hill that this world is?
SPEAKER_3: I'm so glad you mentioned hills, Clair, because I think...
SPEAKER_3: What a good segue.
SPEAKER_3: Because what if one were to jump up a hill or jump from a hill to another hill?
SPEAKER_3: And what if you were to do it in 3D?
SPEAKER_3: And what if you had a hat that could possess enemies?
SPEAKER_3: And what if you were playing Super Mario Odyssey?
SPEAKER_3: And what if you've played Super Mario Odyssey through twice, one time 100%ing it, and you just desperately need a new good 3D platformer?
SPEAKER_3: What if you just desperately needed another good 3D platformer, and no one's making 3D platformers anymore, and they're cowards?
SPEAKER_2: I mean, Yooka-Laylee exists, but you did say good 3D platformers.
SPEAKER_3: That's where I said good.
SPEAKER_3: I just, okay.
SPEAKER_3: Super Mario Odyssey is the first Switch game that I think I played, and I adored every...
SPEAKER_2: I remember that.
SPEAKER_2: Because I was like Breath of the Wild, and you were like Odyssey, and I was like Breath of the Wild!
SPEAKER_3: And then I played Breath of the Wild, and I really enjoyed it, but like platformers are like my total jam, and Super Mario Odyssey was my total jam.
SPEAKER_2: And Breath of the Wild was your peanut bugger.
SPEAKER_3: Absolutely.
SPEAKER_3: It was the two of them together.
SPEAKER_3: Good sandwich.
SPEAKER_3: But Super Mario Odyssey was maybe one of my favorite 3D platformers, or just generally one of my favorite platformers of all time.
SPEAKER_3: And I'm desperate for another game that can give me the feelings that it gave me of just like, ah yes, I love to platform.
SPEAKER_3: I love to platform in 3D.
SPEAKER_2: Have you played 3D World?
SPEAKER_3: I haven't.
SPEAKER_3: I'm going to.
SPEAKER_3: I don't have the console that one needs to play it currently on my person.
SPEAKER_2: You can technically run a Wii U on the computer.
SPEAKER_2: There is software for research purposes that will let you emulate how a Wii U works on your computer.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, I might have to research that a little bit.
SPEAKER_2: Do some research into, but I don't even remember what it's called.
SPEAKER_2: That's fine, because I'm pretty sure you can just Google Wii U emulator.
SPEAKER_3: That's a good idea.
SPEAKER_3: I like that.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, no, I totally am going to go back, and I know that there's all these rumors about them releasing a whole bunch of older 3D platformers.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_3: Can we talk about Sunshine?
SPEAKER_3: Galaxy.
SPEAKER_2: Also Galaxy.
SPEAKER_2: I'm so excited for Galaxy remake.
SPEAKER_3: I love Galaxy so much.
SPEAKER_3: I love Galaxy.
SPEAKER_3: I love Galaxy 2.
SPEAKER_3: I love 64.
SPEAKER_3: I never played Sunshine, and I will when it gets re-released.
SPEAKER_2: Can I be honest?
SPEAKER_2: I never finished Sunshine or Galaxy because Sunshine came out where I was like super not into Mario.
SPEAKER_2: And like I had it and I played like maybe 10% of it and was like, OK, I don't understand what the point of Mario is because I like Pokemon and this has no story.
SPEAKER_3: That's what I, when I think of a platformer, my first thing that I want from it is story.
SPEAKER_2: It's story.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_2: And then Galaxy, I just was in the phase of like, I want to play co-op games and Galaxy was like, yeah, we have co-op and then second player is like, I get to point at the screen pew pew.
SPEAKER_2: And that's the whole Galaxy place.
SPEAKER_3: Galaxy, I think is just one of my favorite Mario games.
SPEAKER_3: It rules, I love that whole game.
SPEAKER_3: Shout out to Rosalina.
SPEAKER_3: But yeah, I never played Sunshine.
SPEAKER_3: It's just my GameCube time.
SPEAKER_3: There's so many good GameCube games that I just never needed more.
SPEAKER_3: And so I sort of didn't even know that Sunshine existed, to be honest.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, wow.
SPEAKER_2: Really?
SPEAKER_2: It was the game that like, quote unquote, showed off the GameCube's ability for light.
SPEAKER_2: That's why it was so bright and sunny, which honestly, I want more of those games.
SPEAKER_2: I want fun, bright games.
SPEAKER_2: I don't want grimdark Mario.
SPEAKER_2: Actually, wait.
SPEAKER_3: Okay, let's talk about grimdark Mario.
SPEAKER_2: I think grimdark Mario is just the new paper Mario where everyone's getting turned into like origami.
SPEAKER_3: That seems cool.
SPEAKER_3: That seems cool and good.
SPEAKER_3: And I hope it's a good game.
SPEAKER_2: I'm actually really excited for that.
SPEAKER_2: I really want to play Color Splash after learning about the origami game because I've just heard that Color Splash was highly underrated and it's actually pretty fun.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, this is what I've heard.
SPEAKER_2: The leveling system just is non-existent.
SPEAKER_2: So battle apparently feels a little not rewarding, but the story is apparently very good.
SPEAKER_2: And Brianna, what if your platformer had story?
SPEAKER_3: The first thing that I'm going to say is, I don't think the Paper Mario counts as a platformer.
SPEAKER_2: It's not.
SPEAKER_3: But the thing that I will say, what if a platformer had story?
SPEAKER_3: What if it followed the tale of a young girl climbing a mountain and it's a metaphor for depression, and you could combine both a really good and tight platforming with a complex and meaningful story about loving yourself, and then you could maybe call it Celeste, and it could be another of just my favorite games of all time.
SPEAKER_2: Also, the music is just so good.
SPEAKER_2: I listen to the music so much.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, same, same, same.
SPEAKER_3: I listen to the music so much.
SPEAKER_3: Shout out to Lena Raine, who did the music for that game.
SPEAKER_3: Did an incredible job.
SPEAKER_3: But let's talk about, okay, if we want to make a...
SPEAKER_2: I have an idea.
SPEAKER_2: What if you just become the platformer?
SPEAKER_2: What if you learn how to parkour, Brianna?
SPEAKER_3: Um, Clair, I have some things for you about my body.
SPEAKER_2: Create disability parkour.
SPEAKER_3: Disability parkour.
SPEAKER_3: I mean, disability parkour absolutely exists.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, actually, that sounds definitely like a thing.
SPEAKER_3: Well, disability parkour, I think, sometimes it's just the experience of trying to get around in places made for able-bodied people.
SPEAKER_2: God, okay, you know, that's true.
SPEAKER_3: But I could get into disability parkour, but here's the thing.
SPEAKER_3: Here's the thing, Clair.
SPEAKER_3: The way that my disability works, it would be very short spurts of parkour.
SPEAKER_3: It would be like, all right, we're going to do parkour for a minute.
SPEAKER_3: And that's about all I can handle.
SPEAKER_2: What if we gave you a robot suit?
SPEAKER_3: Okay, all right.
SPEAKER_3: Well, I'm never not going to, I'm never going to say no to robot suits.
SPEAKER_3: So is this like, is this a power suit or is this a mech?
SPEAKER_3: I was imagining a power suit.
SPEAKER_2: Imagine mech parkour.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, imagine 50 foot robots doing parkour on like an abandoned wasteland planet of like cities.
SPEAKER_2: But instead of like jumping over like small pipes, they're just jumping over buildings.
SPEAKER_2: And that's like 50 foot parkour.
SPEAKER_3: This sounds like this sounds like a great 3D platformer that we could make into a video game.
SPEAKER_2: That sounds like parkouring the entire planet instead of just like a small district.
SPEAKER_3: Wait, parkouring from one planet to another?
SPEAKER_2: That sounds cool too.
SPEAKER_2: But also I was thinking like you're just so big that you're parkouring across multiple cities.
SPEAKER_3: I like that a lot.
SPEAKER_2: When I think of a mech, I immediately want it to be at least as big as a skyscraper.
SPEAKER_2: I know there are small mechs, but like I want 100 feet minimum.
SPEAKER_3: This is fair, totally.
SPEAKER_3: But I do think that one of the kind of draws of the 3D platform is that you are small kind of up against a big, scary world, right?
SPEAKER_3: Like you are, the whole thing is about being nimble and quick and trying to remember place to place, which only means that the enemies and the things that you're going to have to deal with have to be even bigger than you.
SPEAKER_2: Exactly.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, now alternate idea, because this did just come into my brain, what if dinosaur parkour and you're trying to dodge out of the way of meteorites because they're coming crashing down.
SPEAKER_3: I love this idea that the dinosaurs...
SPEAKER_2: What if you parkour away from extinction?
SPEAKER_2: That's the slogan, parkour out of extinction.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, scientists said once upon a time that the dinosaurs were knocked out by one meteor.
SPEAKER_3: They were wrong.
SPEAKER_3: It was a lot more than one meteor.
SPEAKER_3: It was actually dozens and dozens and hundreds and hundreds of meteors.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, God.
SPEAKER_3: What type of dinosaur would be great at parkour?
SPEAKER_2: I'm so glad you brought this up, because my immediate response was like, there's unlockable skins, right?
SPEAKER_2: You could be a Stegosaurus, you could be a Tyrannosaurus rex.
SPEAKER_2: Hell, I think you just started the T-Rex.
SPEAKER_3: Now, question here.
SPEAKER_3: How does the scale work with those?
SPEAKER_2: Like the scales on their bodies, you definitely mean.
SPEAKER_2: So the scales, how the scales on their bodies work is that you have hit points.
SPEAKER_2: Great, great.
SPEAKER_2: And as you get hit, your scales actually fall off, and you become a naked dinosaur.
SPEAKER_2: All the dinosaurs have scales, even the ones that have feathers and also the ones that were fish.
SPEAKER_3: How do you regain health?
SPEAKER_2: You eat other dinosaurs.
SPEAKER_3: Incredibly good.
SPEAKER_3: You're jumping out of the way of meteors, you're jumping around this planet that's getting destroyed.
SPEAKER_3: You're trying to get to a dinosaur spaceship to fly away from the planet that's getting destroyed.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that's a good idea.
SPEAKER_2: Hey, this is a great idea, Brianna.
SPEAKER_2: Can you tell me about this dinosaur spaceship?
SPEAKER_2: Is it dinosaur shaped?
SPEAKER_3: It's just so big because it can fit a lot of dinosaurs, and it is shaped like the Jurassic Park logo, which is a weird design for a spaceship, I know.
SPEAKER_3: Maybe it just has that logo on the side of it.
SPEAKER_3: Maybe it's like a normally kind of...
SPEAKER_3: Maybe it's like a UFO, but it has that on it.
SPEAKER_3: And every time anyone's seen a UFO, it's actually been this dinosaur spaceship.
SPEAKER_2: Where do you think Jurassic Park got the logo idea?
SPEAKER_2: Like after the dinosaurs escaped, they came back to Earth, and the researchers were like, Whoa, aliens, can we make a park about you?
SPEAKER_2: And then they called them dinosaurs and made a movie about it.
SPEAKER_3: It's a documentary.
SPEAKER_3: And it's real.
SPEAKER_3: And it's about aliens.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, it's about aliens.
SPEAKER_3: It's a documentary.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, Alien Dinosaur Parkour.
SPEAKER_3: God, the thing that I'm realizing is this would just be one of those Mario levels in which there's constantly like meteors coming down from the sky.
SPEAKER_3: You constantly have to avoid them, but that's the entire game.
SPEAKER_3: It's just you cannot stay in one spot for long.
SPEAKER_3: You cannot explore all that much because meteors keep coming down, which to me is a problem because you know what's fun about 3D platformers exploring.
SPEAKER_2: I never think of 3D platformers as like exploring.
SPEAKER_2: I guess that's true.
SPEAKER_3: To me, especially like specifically, I'm thinking about an Odyssey style thing here.
SPEAKER_3: That's fair.
SPEAKER_3: And Odyssey is so much about like exploring and finding every little nook and cranny and everything here and there.
SPEAKER_3: And that's a lot of fun for me.
SPEAKER_3: I love to know that I've not only beaten the game, but sucked it dry in any life.
SPEAKER_2: Of content.
SPEAKER_2: You've sucked the content out of it.
SPEAKER_3: I want to suck the content out of a platformer.
SPEAKER_2: I want to suck your content.
SPEAKER_2: So I was actually thinking of a different platformer that has not really story.
SPEAKER_2: Well, it has kind of story, but not things to discover.
SPEAKER_2: That's also not true.
SPEAKER_2: There are collectibles.
SPEAKER_2: Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze is probably one of my absolute all time favorite platformers.
SPEAKER_3: It's a really good platformer.
SPEAKER_3: It's also 2D.
SPEAKER_2: It is technically a 2D play style, but it is 3D art, which, you know, when we're talking about 2D and 3D games, there is that weird overlap.
SPEAKER_3: There is, but I think that there is something that feels distinctly different about 3D platformers, you know?
SPEAKER_2: Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: No, it's much.
SPEAKER_2: I actually much prefer 2D platformers.
SPEAKER_3: I like both, but sometimes when I really want to sink my teeth into a game and like get everything out of it, I'm really looking for a 3D platformer.
SPEAKER_3: That is so much more about trying to find everything, right?
SPEAKER_3: It's the Banjo Kazooie model.
SPEAKER_3: Platformers are good.
SPEAKER_3: I don't know what else there is to say.
SPEAKER_3: I do want to try Dinosaur Platformer.
SPEAKER_2: That's what else you got to say.
SPEAKER_3: I have an idea.
SPEAKER_3: I have an idea for this.
SPEAKER_3: Every world is a world, right?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I love this.
SPEAKER_3: Get on this spaceship and then you go to the next planet and then on the next planet, there's another meteor shower happening.
SPEAKER_3: This is Odyssey.
SPEAKER_3: It's Odyssey, the dinosaurs.
SPEAKER_2: Great.
SPEAKER_2: You're fine.
SPEAKER_2: We're just going to reskin Odyssey.
SPEAKER_3: Reskin.
SPEAKER_3: Hey, Super Mario Odyssey, the only change is Mario is a T-Rex now.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, the thing is, we're not even going to change the normal map.
SPEAKER_2: Like, it's going to look like Mario, but just with a skin over top of it.
SPEAKER_3: It's just going to be the T-Rex that exists in Super Mario Odyssey already.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, we don't even have to import any assets.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, we're just going to shrink it down to Mario's size.
SPEAKER_3: And it's just going to stand in for Mario, and it's going to have the Mario cap and the cappy and the mustache that's on the T-Rex.
SPEAKER_2: I have an excellent idea for more Odyssey content for you.
SPEAKER_2: You have to play through the entire game, but only as one of the types of hat things.
SPEAKER_2: And like, you know, the levels change a little bit to accommodate you.
SPEAKER_2: I think like, oh, you just want to be the dinosaur the whole time?
SPEAKER_2: Sure, go for it.
SPEAKER_3: There are actually a lot of alt like challenges for Super Mario Odyssey.
SPEAKER_3: There's like types of runs that are like, how few captures can you do like to complete the game?
SPEAKER_3: There's ones that are like coin lists, all those sorts of things.
SPEAKER_3: And they're wicked and wild and cool.
SPEAKER_3: Speed runs are cool, obviously.
SPEAKER_3: You know what?
SPEAKER_3: Super Mario Rara, Super Mario Odyssey, Super Mario Odyssey.
SPEAKER_3: Thank you.
SPEAKER_3: We can move on to the next craving now.
SPEAKER_3: I found the joke.
SPEAKER_2: So my next craving is definitely related to Super Mario Raracy.
SPEAKER_3: No, sorry, it was Super Mario Odyssey.
SPEAKER_2: Because I want trans women to be allowed to step off the pedestal that they are put on within leftist spaces, and then they fuck up.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, boy.
SPEAKER_2: This is a fun craving that I just casually had.
SPEAKER_3: This is a fun craving you just casually had for no reason.
SPEAKER_1: Just from time to time.
SPEAKER_3: So this happens is the thing basically to say, terms of it are held to one might call ridiculous standard within a lot of communities, not just leftist communities, I'll say, in general.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, the craving is specifically that because those are the communities that I am in.
SPEAKER_3: So I guess I really only have one question for you, Clair, which is when they step off the pedestal, where are they stepping on to?
SPEAKER_2: Speedboat.
SPEAKER_3: Hell, yeah, dude, I want a speedboat.
SPEAKER_3: That sounds rad.
SPEAKER_3: We're going to get off this pedestal real quick.
SPEAKER_3: We're just going to get off this pedestal.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, hell yeah.
SPEAKER_2: There's just a yacht waiting for every trans woman.
SPEAKER_3: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_3: We're going to form this community in the ocean.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, no, there's drama now.
SPEAKER_3: Yes, what could go wrong?
SPEAKER_3: We're going to get all these trans women together in the middle of the ocean.
SPEAKER_2: On a giant yacht.
SPEAKER_2: Hey, imagine if you just had a yacht society.
SPEAKER_3: A yacht society?
SPEAKER_3: Is that anything?
SPEAKER_2: Everyone just plays yachtsy.
SPEAKER_2: Teach trans women how to play yachtsy.
SPEAKER_3: If you truly want to support us, you have to teach us how to play yachtsy.
SPEAKER_3: It's been many years.
SPEAKER_3: I haven't played yachtsy in a bit.
SPEAKER_3: I forget how to play it.
SPEAKER_2: Community service looks like teaching your local trans women how to play yachtsy.
SPEAKER_3: That's how to be a true trans ally.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, I think this is a good vibe.
SPEAKER_3: Now, my only concern here is what if people think that trans women are so perfect and can never fuck up, that we are like Jesus and that we can walk on water and they start thinking we'll just be able to walk on water.
SPEAKER_3: I mean, don't reveal that.
SPEAKER_2: Otherwise, people are going to want to come watch us in our new yacht society, because now they'll know that we can walk on water.
SPEAKER_4: But Clair, we can't walk on water.
SPEAKER_3: They think we can because they...
SPEAKER_3: What?
SPEAKER_2: There's just, you know, you know there's like a sub percentage of trans women that can just walk on water, right?
SPEAKER_2: There's just like that sub portion.
SPEAKER_2: Like, this is how trans women find each other.
SPEAKER_3: I don't think that you have to be a sub trans woman to walk on water.
SPEAKER_3: I'm just going to say it.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, God.
SPEAKER_2: Meanwhile, on the yacht, there's just this other group of trans women just like chilling on the water, just like sitting on top of the water, playing yacht sea on top of the water.
SPEAKER_3: And then you try to like, but then you try to like shake the dice out, the dice can't walk on water, so they just sink.
SPEAKER_3: You're like, oh, shit, this happened again.
SPEAKER_3: It's like, why don't you come up onto the deck to play yacht sea?
SPEAKER_3: And then they're like, oh, can you walk on water?
SPEAKER_3: That's what I thought.
SPEAKER_2: Can't catch us.
SPEAKER_2: Does this mean trans women are hydrophobic?
SPEAKER_3: Now, listen, I don't know about this new hydrosexuality.
SPEAKER_2: You never just want to fuck water.
SPEAKER_3: I'll take things one shouldn't do for 10,000.
SPEAKER_3: Of this new Jeopardy column.
SPEAKER_3: Hey, here's the new Jeopardy column.
SPEAKER_3: It's things expected of famous trans women.
SPEAKER_3: I have one, which is, so different category, things expected of famous trans women.
SPEAKER_3: One of the ones says, a synonym for words like flawless without false.
SPEAKER_3: What is perfect?
SPEAKER_3: Yes.
SPEAKER_2: Amazing.
SPEAKER_2: That's actual Jeopardy.
SPEAKER_3: I did the whole Jeopardy bit.
SPEAKER_2: I can't believe you did a whole Jeopardy bit on the show.
SPEAKER_2: Thanks for bringing Jeopardy onto Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: Hey, watch Jeopardy next Tuesday at 8 a.m.
SPEAKER_2: Sponsored by Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_3: I don't fucking know when Jeopardy is on.
SPEAKER_3: Is Jeopardy sponsored by Salt Cravings or is Salt Cravings sponsored by Jeopardy?
SPEAKER_2: No, we're sponsoring Salt Cravings, didn't you know?
SPEAKER_3: Or no, sorry.
SPEAKER_2: I mean-
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, no, we are sponsoring Salt Cravings by making the show.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Hey, what if you just referred to all the content you made as being sponsored by yourself?
SPEAKER_3: It's all sponsored content now.
SPEAKER_2: Do you want to move on?
SPEAKER_2: I'm happy to move on with this.
SPEAKER_3: I just want to say there's a real problem.
SPEAKER_3: We are talking about a real phenomenon.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_3: I would highly recommend doing some reading on it if you don't know where to start.
SPEAKER_2: Hot Allostatic Load would be-
SPEAKER_2: Hot Allostatic Load would be just a good entry essay Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: It's something that is forever relevant.
SPEAKER_2: It's five years old at this point, and I just every year I think of it at least like three times.
SPEAKER_2: What's another, what's a craven that you were having?
SPEAKER_3: I don't typically do two, let's make a piece of media cravings in one episode.
SPEAKER_2: I have a solution before you even say what it is, this is just going to be DLC for the last media we made.
SPEAKER_3: Uh oh, no, it's not.
SPEAKER_2: Tell us your craven, Brianna.
SPEAKER_3: Or actually could be, I suppose.
SPEAKER_2: Tell us your craven.
SPEAKER_3: You know about frame narratives?
SPEAKER_2: So like telling a story from different perspectives?
SPEAKER_3: Sort of.
SPEAKER_3: It's like so there's a story happening, then there's another bigger kind of story that's happening within.
SPEAKER_2: A good example is like an A plot and a B plot.
SPEAKER_3: The Princess Bride is a frame narrative because it is a narrative.
SPEAKER_3: It is this grandpa reading the story to his son.
SPEAKER_3: But the story itself is the story.
SPEAKER_2: It's storyception.
SPEAKER_3: So there's a frame narrative.
SPEAKER_3: It's storyception.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: So this is the DLC where NASA tells the story about a parkouring dinosaur.
SPEAKER_2: Except now you get to explore the dinosaurs coming back and setting up Jurassic Park.
SPEAKER_3: So you're sort of getting like one level, which is like in the past as NASA tells this story.
SPEAKER_3: And then the next level takes place at the present.
SPEAKER_3: Okay.
SPEAKER_3: And here's the best part.
SPEAKER_3: Here's the best part.
SPEAKER_3: In the past, it is a 3D platformer and you're playing a 3D platformer.
SPEAKER_3: In the present, it's like roller coaster tycoon.
SPEAKER_3: It's just a completely different game where you are setting up this Jurassic Park and it is completely unrelated to the 3D platformer.
SPEAKER_3: But if you pick up extra things in the 3D platformer levels, you get bonuses when you try and build the park.
SPEAKER_2: Like if you save the stegosaurus in the past, the stegosaurus comes to the future.
SPEAKER_2: That's how it works.
SPEAKER_3: Exactly.
SPEAKER_3: The collectibles have a purpose because all of the collectibles help you have more stuff.
SPEAKER_3: You know, your coins, you have more money, right?
SPEAKER_2: I love when collectibles have a use.
SPEAKER_3: Me too.
SPEAKER_3: And they have a use when you're making the park.
SPEAKER_2: So what are our collectibles?
SPEAKER_2: Are they just other dinosaurs?
SPEAKER_3: They could be other dinosaurs.
SPEAKER_2: Dino bones.
SPEAKER_3: What if they're fossils?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_3: You are collecting fossils to then fill up your park.
SPEAKER_3: It's sort of like Animal Crossing.
SPEAKER_2: What about this?
SPEAKER_2: You're in the past, you're doing some parkour, you collect your fossil and you bring it to the future.
SPEAKER_2: Then you turn the fossil into a dinosaur like Pokemon, you know, totally normal.
SPEAKER_2: And then you take that dinosaur back to the past and you can play as that dinosaur in the past.
SPEAKER_2: Anyways, this is a perfectly flawless game with a great narrative, 10 out of 10.
SPEAKER_3: I want to say, because one of the things, right, you're like, oh, if this is a story being told, then I guess you can't replay the levels or whatever and collect things, except you can.
SPEAKER_3: But every time you replay the levels, it starts with a NASA agent going, no, he's wrong.
SPEAKER_3: Here's what actually happened.
SPEAKER_2: God, it's just scientists well-actualing each other.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, it is scientists well-actualing each other about the time that dinosaurs did parkour.
SPEAKER_3: Except it's not just earth, right?
SPEAKER_2: This is multiple worlds.
SPEAKER_3: This is multiple worlds.
SPEAKER_3: So is the park built on multiple worlds, or is it just built on earth?
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, sure.
SPEAKER_3: Every level is about you building each world's dinosaur park.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, every world deserves a dinosaur park, Brianna.
SPEAKER_2: Don't be selfish.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, you're right.
SPEAKER_3: Martian dinosaur parks.
SPEAKER_3: Plutonian dinosaur park.
SPEAKER_2: I thought you said plutonium, but I was thinking like, pollution.
SPEAKER_3: That's pollution, Clair.
SPEAKER_3: I don't support pollution, and neither do these dinosaurs.
SPEAKER_2: Pollution killed the dinosaurs?
SPEAKER_3: Pollution killed the dinosaurs.
SPEAKER_3: That's one of the things.
SPEAKER_3: NASA's like, yeah, and it was all these meteors falling down, and then another NASA's like, no, no, it was pollution.
SPEAKER_3: It was climate change.
SPEAKER_3: And then another one's like, actually it was climate change that was caused by the meteors.
SPEAKER_3: And the first two scientists go, no, you're wrong.
SPEAKER_2: And then one's just like, no, it was brain worms.
SPEAKER_2: And then you play the brain worm level.
SPEAKER_3: What planet is the brain worm level on?
SPEAKER_2: Wormtopia.
SPEAKER_3: Okay, now just give me a little bit of context.
SPEAKER_3: What planet in our solar system is called Wormtopia?
SPEAKER_2: It's the one between Earth and Arkan.
SPEAKER_3: Sorry, Earth and Arkan?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you got it.
SPEAKER_3: I didn't know Venus was called Wormtopia.
SPEAKER_2: Wormtopia.
SPEAKER_3: Men are from Mars, women are from Wormtopia.
SPEAKER_2: Look, I came from Wormtopia and I'm proud of my heritage.
SPEAKER_3: But I like this frame narrative.
SPEAKER_3: What is the finale of this frame narrative?
SPEAKER_3: Okay, what's happening to NASA?
SPEAKER_3: Why are they telling this story?
SPEAKER_2: Is this the return of the dinosaurs?
SPEAKER_3: It must be, right?
SPEAKER_3: We know the dinosaurs are in the mist of returning.
SPEAKER_2: Wait, I have an idea.
SPEAKER_2: The dinosaurs and NASA have to team up to fight against an alien invasion.
SPEAKER_3: And they have to do it by building dinosaur parks.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_2: How do you defeat aliens?
SPEAKER_2: You distract them with dinosaur parks so that you could like, I don't know, win.
SPEAKER_2: This is a great game, Brianna.
SPEAKER_3: Is this what all game writing rooms are like?
SPEAKER_3: And then you have to do this and then someone has to come in later and be like, okay, we can't fucking do that.
SPEAKER_3: This is too much.
SPEAKER_3: What are you talking about?
SPEAKER_3: And then it reveals, of course, that all of the dinosaur parks have pieces that help you build a super weapon to defeat the aliens.
SPEAKER_2: And then I was trying to build like a fun, like, we'll befriend the aliens with parks.
SPEAKER_2: And it was like, we'll kill them with a super weapon.
SPEAKER_2: It's just actually made out of dinosaurs.
SPEAKER_2: It's actually just like, what's that terrible horror story of like where people are wormed to each other?
SPEAKER_2: Human centipede, except now it's Dino centipede.
SPEAKER_3: Hate that.
SPEAKER_3: Hate that so much.
SPEAKER_3: We just befriended them.
SPEAKER_3: There's no death or anything bad happening.
SPEAKER_3: It's all just friendship.
SPEAKER_2: Welcome to the Dino centipede.
SPEAKER_2: That's the name of this new game.
SPEAKER_3: No, it isn't.
SPEAKER_3: It is not.
SPEAKER_3: We already decided it's Super Rario Odyssey.
SPEAKER_2: Super Rario Odyssey DLC Dinosaur Centipede.
SPEAKER_3: Hate it.
SPEAKER_3: I hate it so much.
SPEAKER_3: It is a 3D platformer about friendship.
SPEAKER_2: A 3D platformer about friendship with dinosaurs and aliens.
SPEAKER_2: What more could you want?
SPEAKER_2: We need user feedback.
SPEAKER_2: We need to, you know, see the market, see how the market plays, and then we'll decide what the second DLC is.
SPEAKER_2: And I don't know, probably examine how the aliens are now helping us fight the shapeshifters.
SPEAKER_3: Oh, so you need to fight someone.
SPEAKER_3: Right, of course.
SPEAKER_2: Video games are about violence, Deanna.
SPEAKER_3: You can't just befriend the shapeshifters.
SPEAKER_2: How else are we going to get funding?
SPEAKER_3: Let me just check the markets and see what they think about all this.
SPEAKER_3: Okay, so what I'm getting for feedback here is that they think befriending the aliens is stupid and gay.
SPEAKER_3: That if you killed them, then that would be better.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, I'm stupid and gay, so I'm for this.
SPEAKER_3: Right, I think they're gamers, so they're meaning it derogatory.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_3: I guess we gotta follow the markets.
SPEAKER_3: This is how video games get made, Clair.
SPEAKER_3: We can't have fun with it.
SPEAKER_3: You have to follow the markets.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, all right, we're just going to give all the dinosaurs guns and we're going to make them shoot each other.
SPEAKER_2: And that's the game.
SPEAKER_3: And it's no longer a 3D platformer because 3D platformers don't sell, so it's now a first-person dinosaur.
SPEAKER_2: It's just Call of Duty dinosaurs.
SPEAKER_2: Call of dinosaurs.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, we did it.
SPEAKER_3: We did it, everyone.
SPEAKER_3: We've ruined the game with marketing.
SPEAKER_2: So my Craving that I want to share, that I think is fun, just like my last Craving was, is shout singing the song that is stuck in your head.
SPEAKER_2: Because sometimes you just need to let it go.
SPEAKER_2: You know?
SPEAKER_3: You know.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, I get you.
SPEAKER_2: I wasn't gonna do it.
SPEAKER_3: Why not?
SPEAKER_2: Because I don't want to shout into my microphone, but you know, sometimes...
SPEAKER_3: Why do you not want to give the fans what they want?
SPEAKER_2: Because we could duet this.
SPEAKER_2: Hey, do you want to duet this off-sync over a video call?
SPEAKER_2: We can do this really well.
SPEAKER_3: I'm just hearing from the marketing.
SPEAKER_2: They really want to.
SPEAKER_2: Hey, it turns out everyone really wants this, and nobody is saying no.
SPEAKER_3: What I'm hearing is...
SPEAKER_2: I'm gonna count us in, Brianna.
SPEAKER_1: You ready?
SPEAKER_2: It sounds like you know the words.
SPEAKER_2: Let's go.
SPEAKER_1: All right.
SPEAKER_3: Three, two, one.
SPEAKER_2: Let it go.
SPEAKER_2: You're not singing along with me.
SPEAKER_2: I thought we were one, but you betrayed me.
SPEAKER_2: All right, so moving on.
SPEAKER_3: I'm actually just so synced up that I was...
SPEAKER_3: We were singing it in time exactly.
SPEAKER_3: You just couldn't hear it.
SPEAKER_2: I'm so glad I knew the words correctly so that you could sing along with me.
SPEAKER_3: That was really nice.
SPEAKER_4: Do you have this?
SPEAKER_2: And you're just on like a bus, and you're like, I want to sing right now, but nobody wants to hear that.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, I've been there.
SPEAKER_3: I feel it.
SPEAKER_3: I've been there.
SPEAKER_3: I feel like the thing that happens with this is when you like get a new fave song, a new song that you're like, holy shit, I'm vibing with this.
SPEAKER_3: I think my most recent one for that was Think About Things, that one.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know that one actually.
SPEAKER_3: It's a song that was supposed to be for Eurovision 2020 by Iceland, by like that nation.
SPEAKER_3: It's really good.
SPEAKER_3: It's a good song.
SPEAKER_3: I have definitely had that vibe of like, I just really am vibing with this.
SPEAKER_3: I want to dance to it.
SPEAKER_3: I want to sing along to it.
SPEAKER_3: I want to just be vibing with this song.
SPEAKER_2: Do you want to know my recent one?
SPEAKER_3: What's your recent one?
SPEAKER_2: It's Warriors by AJ.
SPEAKER_1: Ooh, good one, good one.
SPEAKER_2: Because I'm still fucking thinking about She-Ra.
SPEAKER_3: We're never not thinking about She-Ra.
SPEAKER_2: I rewatched season five.
SPEAKER_3: I'm screaming.
SPEAKER_3: It's better the second time.
SPEAKER_2: And I just want to sing Warriors all the time.
SPEAKER_3: Uh-huh, She-Ra good.
SPEAKER_3: Yes, it's good.
SPEAKER_3: I don't know what to say other than it's good.
SPEAKER_3: What if we...
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so you know in the child story that must not be named that you can extract your brain memories.
SPEAKER_2: What if you could pull the songs out of your head and put them in a little jar and then just sort of listen to them later?
SPEAKER_2: I don't know.
SPEAKER_3: Yes, you organize them in an order and it's a perfect playlist.
SPEAKER_3: It's your perfect playlist.
SPEAKER_2: This is my brain worms playlist.
SPEAKER_3: God, I want to make a brain worms playlist now.
SPEAKER_3: That's really good.
SPEAKER_3: The other alternative here that I see is you say this happens to you when you're in public like on the bus or whatever.
SPEAKER_3: What if we just on every bus had...
SPEAKER_3: And this is going to be great for kind of the state of the world as well.
SPEAKER_3: You have one seat that's in a glass sort of case, and you go into that, it's fully soundproof.
SPEAKER_3: And when you go into that seat, you can just go off.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, the ramifications of this is so wild though.
SPEAKER_3: They're so wild.
SPEAKER_2: There would be a lineup for the Screambox.
SPEAKER_3: There absolutely would be.
SPEAKER_3: I'd just be in there rocking out to the fucking Marielda theme, and this is a bunch of people.
SPEAKER_3: What the hell is going on?
SPEAKER_2: I love the lyrics to the Marielda theme.
SPEAKER_3: But I just sing the goddamn theme.
SPEAKER_3: That would just be me in the Screambox.
SPEAKER_2: You'll just make noises, but you won't sing with me, Brianna.
SPEAKER_2: I thought we were friends.
SPEAKER_2: I thought we were more than friends.
SPEAKER_2: I thought we were podcast hosts.
SPEAKER_3: Clair, I will sing with you absolutely anytime there's not a desync because of audio things and Discord.
SPEAKER_2: You want us to know something great?
SPEAKER_2: I one time convinced my entire work to sing Happy Birthday over video call, and then we did it.
SPEAKER_3: It was terrible.
SPEAKER_2: I was so happy.
SPEAKER_2: I didn't.
SPEAKER_2: I said it.
SPEAKER_2: I was like, we should sing Happy Birthday.
SPEAKER_2: And then I realized what I had said, and I realized we were on a video call.
SPEAKER_2: And I went, this is going to be a bad idea.
SPEAKER_2: But I was like, fuck it.
SPEAKER_2: We're going to we're going to all do it.
SPEAKER_2: It was awful.
SPEAKER_2: And I loved it.
SPEAKER_3: That sounds amazing.
SPEAKER_3: I can't wait till we have like instant Internet or whatever to such a degree that we can all sing karaoke at the exact same time.
SPEAKER_2: Technically, that's not possible.
SPEAKER_2: But love it.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that.
SPEAKER_3: No, that's totally possible.
SPEAKER_3: We're just going to do it.
SPEAKER_3: Like, you know how there's fiber optic Internet and how that's like better?
SPEAKER_3: What if we had Uber fiber optic cable?
SPEAKER_2: Uber fiber optic cable, sponsored by Uber.
SPEAKER_2: We drive your passengers, now let us drive your Internet.
SPEAKER_2: It's $400 a month.
SPEAKER_2: And also we have a monopoly.
SPEAKER_2: There's no other Internet.
SPEAKER_3: Yeah, we underpay our workers.
SPEAKER_3: Do you want to see what we can do with Internet now?
SPEAKER_3: No unions, just fiber optics.
SPEAKER_1: Funny jokes.
SPEAKER_3: Okay.
SPEAKER_2: Speaking of Uber, they're driving me a little crazy.
SPEAKER_2: So why don't you drive us out of here?
SPEAKER_1: Sure.
SPEAKER_3: Let me just get in the car because I can drive.
SPEAKER_3: Hey, Clair, get in the car with me.
SPEAKER_3: I could totally drive.
SPEAKER_2: I totally have a driver's license.
SPEAKER_2: All right, Brianna.
SPEAKER_3: Just before we drive off, and we're going to drive off because I can drive, let's just say thanks for listening to Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_3: You can follow us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, someone's just reached into the window here and given me a piece of paper.
SPEAKER_2: It says, if you want to submit a craving, you can send it to submissions at saltcravings.com.
SPEAKER_2: Weird, weirdly relevant.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know why this person gave me this paper.
SPEAKER_3: Hey, I'm just getting a piece of paper as well.
SPEAKER_3: And this one says, you can leave us.
SPEAKER_3: It would be great if you left us a rating or review on your podcast app of choice.
SPEAKER_3: That's, wow, that would be super helpful.
SPEAKER_3: I didn't even think about that.
SPEAKER_2: Wow, people just keep putting paper in this car.
SPEAKER_2: They must think it's like a shredder or something, this totally normal car.
SPEAKER_2: This one just says, go donate to any of the links in the description and also that Black Lives Matter and racial justice is important.
SPEAKER_3: Alright, and with that, ACAB!
SPEAKER_4: It's beautiful.
SPEAKER_3: Absolutely.