WEBVTT 00:00:25.741 --> 00:00:28.561 Hello, and welcome to Salt Cravings. 00:00:29.061 --> 00:00:32.421 This is, no, fuck that, I'm starting over. 00:00:32.501 --> 00:00:35.181 Nope, that was dirty, that was too dirty. 00:00:35.761 --> 00:00:37.321 Oh, that was a dirty one. 00:00:37.361 --> 00:00:38.441 It was a dirty take. 00:00:38.661 --> 00:00:40.241 We need a clean take, Brianna. 00:00:40.261 --> 00:00:43.101 I have to pronounce every single syllable. 00:00:43.481 --> 00:00:48.581 Hello, hello, and welcome to Salt Cravings. 00:00:58.061 --> 00:00:58.661 Perfect. 00:00:59.101 --> 00:01:10.201 This is a comedy podcast where we have our cravings and then we solve them. 00:01:11.141 --> 00:01:15.941 This is how I'm going to speak for the whole episode. 00:01:16.381 --> 00:01:17.801 And Brianna has decided to speak out. 00:01:18.281 --> 00:01:22.861 I'm excited that she is going to just be Sonic the Hedgehog, I fucking guess. 00:01:23.621 --> 00:01:24.121 Gotta go fast. 00:01:24.141 --> 00:01:32.341 I don't know what the problem is. 00:01:33.341 --> 00:01:40.361 Brianna, would you like to start us off with one of our cravings for this show? 00:01:40.381 --> 00:01:42.901 Sure, Clair, I'd love to start us off with our craving today. 00:01:42.921 --> 00:01:45.321 I would love to start us off today. 00:01:45.581 --> 00:01:47.081 Let's just jump right into it. 00:01:47.101 --> 00:01:49.401 I mean, I think, great intro, great. 00:01:49.661 --> 00:01:52.681 Let me just give you a round of applause for that one. 00:01:53.101 --> 00:01:57.741 Oh, are we gonna, do I get to clap next time at the end of yours, is that? 00:01:57.761 --> 00:01:59.461 Yeah, I think we should start doing that. 00:01:59.481 --> 00:02:01.881 I think we should start clapping for each other's intros. 00:02:02.261 --> 00:02:04.061 We gotta be more like supportive. 00:02:04.081 --> 00:02:05.141 That's what it's about. 00:02:05.161 --> 00:02:08.361 This is a positivity and support podcast. 00:02:08.821 --> 00:02:11.341 Any negativity is bad, only positivity. 00:02:16.001 --> 00:02:29.921 As we know, the idea of toxic positivity is actually a false dichotomy, and anyone who believes in false positivity is actually sad and deserves to be sent to the sadness camps. 00:02:30.501 --> 00:02:32.321 Don't ask where the sadness camps are. 00:02:32.341 --> 00:02:34.881 Brianna, what's your first craving? 00:02:35.221 --> 00:02:37.681 Let me try and frame this positively. 00:02:39.721 --> 00:02:42.781 Wouldn't want you to get sent to the sadness camps, Brianna. 00:02:42.801 --> 00:02:43.601 That would end the podcast. 00:02:43.621 --> 00:02:44.361 Wouldn't want that. 00:02:45.201 --> 00:02:47.121 How do I frame this positively? 00:02:47.661 --> 00:02:51.501 Maybe we can workshop it together into a more positive light. 00:02:51.801 --> 00:02:56.301 Let me start out with saying that I love a lot of indie games, right? 00:02:56.321 --> 00:03:00.381 I love a lot of indie games, especially like indie video games, but I'm talking about games in general. 00:03:00.661 --> 00:03:02.501 I think they're really good. 00:03:02.721 --> 00:03:07.641 And a thing that indie games are really, really good at doing for me is like making me like really feel things. 00:03:07.761 --> 00:03:14.121 And like really connect with the stuff that they're saying and like think really hard about the themes and like, you know, make me emotional. 00:03:14.361 --> 00:03:17.701 And that is something that, let me frame this positively. 00:03:19.121 --> 00:03:24.281 Big games, AAA games, stuff that's like big and has a huge budget behind it. 00:03:24.641 --> 00:03:26.501 They're still learning how to do that. 00:03:26.921 --> 00:03:32.821 Recently, the kind of big game has been The Last of Us II. 00:03:33.181 --> 00:03:36.381 I literally thought that died weeks ago. 00:03:37.001 --> 00:03:40.241 I think it has mostly died, but people are still playing it. 00:03:40.261 --> 00:03:44.061 I have been listening to the Waypoint Radio episodes on it. 00:03:44.221 --> 00:03:45.161 I've not played the game. 00:03:45.621 --> 00:03:51.461 So I can't say, you know, maybe it would hit me hard, but based on what I know about it, probably not. 00:03:51.861 --> 00:03:56.961 I know nothing about this game other than it seems to have some bad rep. 00:03:57.261 --> 00:03:59.201 So basically, here's the deal. 00:03:59.521 --> 00:04:02.301 So Zombie Apocalypse, this is the sequel. 00:04:02.581 --> 00:04:04.781 It basically, it's a revenge quest. 00:04:06.141 --> 00:04:28.121 It's a revenge quest in which a queer woman, I guess this is spoilers, spoilers for The Last of Us II, I'll put a thing description, Ellie wants revenge for the death of her adopted father who was killed for things that he did at the end of the last game in which he killed a whole lot of people. 00:04:28.721 --> 00:04:36.401 And she's very mad that he got killed for the thing that he did, which was killing a bunch of people to save her at the end of the last game. 00:04:36.701 --> 00:04:41.761 And then he gets killed by someone else, and then she goes on a revenge quest. 00:04:41.781 --> 00:04:45.881 And you play as both like her and the woman who she's on a revenge quest against. 00:04:46.021 --> 00:04:53.781 And who is also, by the way, also killed him because of her dad, who was one of the people that Ellie's dad killed. 00:04:55.281 --> 00:05:02.781 It's about women who are sad about their dads, and it's a zombie game. 00:05:02.801 --> 00:05:04.001 And it's a zombie game. 00:05:04.461 --> 00:05:09.361 And it's a zombie game, and it's like the most like straight people version of queerness, from my understanding. 00:05:09.381 --> 00:05:15.261 It's like, you know, like apparently there's genuinely good and interesting like moments, right? 00:05:15.281 --> 00:05:25.861 Like there's good moments, but structurally in this kind of whole way, it's very much like, ah yes, every queer relationship has a deadbeat dad and a good mom. 00:05:26.241 --> 00:05:29.661 And that is also how it works in queer relationships. 00:05:30.221 --> 00:05:33.081 Anyway, you know, we're not being negative here. 00:05:33.321 --> 00:05:36.861 So I'm saying that I don't think The Last of Us II is for me. 00:05:37.261 --> 00:05:47.941 And when I start to think about big games that have come out or that have big budgets, they don't tend to be for me, and they don't tend to offer interesting things in terms of a story, right? 00:05:48.081 --> 00:05:55.221 The reason why I'm specifically harping on The Last of Us II is because a lot of critics who like it have said it's like cinematic. 00:05:55.241 --> 00:06:00.661 It's like this very like the most like closest video games have gotten to art, which is not true. 00:06:02.961 --> 00:06:07.941 Oh, you mean cinematic, like the Metal Gear Solid 4 game that everybody really loves? 00:06:09.821 --> 00:06:11.021 Yeah, people love that one. 00:06:11.301 --> 00:06:15.861 That's I mean, that is historically one of the everyone's favorite Metal Gear Solid game. 00:06:16.381 --> 00:06:20.081 Also, the only Metal Gear Solid game I've even partially played. 00:06:20.441 --> 00:06:22.941 So I guess it's my favorite by default. 00:06:23.141 --> 00:06:26.081 And do you really need a sample size bigger than one? 00:06:26.321 --> 00:06:28.081 I'm a scientist and I say no. 00:06:29.881 --> 00:06:48.521 I guess my thing is most AAA games, if they even have a story, have a really kind of normative, boring story that handles issues poorly and can't get away from its own understandings of what a video game is supposed to be, right? 00:06:48.541 --> 00:06:51.861 You can't have a AAA video game without shooting, which is not true. 00:06:53.381 --> 00:06:54.301 But most of them do. 00:06:55.041 --> 00:07:00.741 Sorry, you've touched on one of my main gripes with video games. 00:07:01.561 --> 00:07:04.381 I shouldn't say gripes because it's quite a negative term. 00:07:04.481 --> 00:07:06.761 Yeah, that's a really negative way of thinking about it. 00:07:12.101 --> 00:07:36.081 One of the things that I find that video games have room for growth is the way in which we interact with video games in general is actually ironically set up to support these first person shooter games over other play styles, even just subtle things, things that we don't even think about, like having quote-unquote trigger buttons on our controllers. 00:07:36.661 --> 00:07:38.981 These are the easiest games to program. 00:07:39.221 --> 00:07:49.401 From a perspective of programming, it is much easier to make a combat game than it is other types of games. 00:07:49.421 --> 00:07:51.321 There's a lot of resources for that. 00:07:51.341 --> 00:08:22.561 And so it's sort of a positive feedback loop, if you will, in terms of these games get very popular, and so they create more ways for more games to build on them, which inadvertently not steals the spotlight, but really shines in a monetary value that many corporations positively seek, if you know what I mean. 00:08:22.601 --> 00:08:24.421 Yes, exactly. 00:08:24.441 --> 00:08:45.661 And when I think about games that have hit hard for me in a real way, I think about ones that are interested in doing things differently on certain levels, that are invested in asking bigger questions about the state of games or in just having really interesting characters and game mechanics that make you care more about those characters or about that world. 00:08:45.681 --> 00:08:55.081 I think about Celeste, which has good characters and a cool way of linking the gameplay mechanics with the general arc of those characters. 00:08:55.461 --> 00:08:57.161 Or I think about Undertale, right? 00:08:57.161 --> 00:08:59.141 That's a game that has made me cry, right? 00:08:59.201 --> 00:09:13.661 I love that game because it is interested in at least questioning some of the ways that we play games in a way that gives you a choice as a player and makes you feel things as a character as a player and messes with the perception of the game. 00:09:13.781 --> 00:09:24.381 I love your two examples because they are two games explicitly, I don't want to say not about combat, but again, we see combat elements in both of them. 00:09:25.841 --> 00:09:31.961 We see even Celeste in terms of chase scenes, hitting things, jumping. 00:09:32.041 --> 00:09:37.821 These are mechanics that stem from the way that fighting games have been made. 00:09:38.101 --> 00:09:48.041 If you want to go deeper and think about these things, I think about visual novels, which are great, and which a lot of people don't consider to be games in the same way. 00:09:51.361 --> 00:09:58.821 Which is frustrating and shows the problem with these things, but visual novels have a way of telling a story that is interesting and engaging. 00:09:59.061 --> 00:10:03.961 I mean, it kind of sounds like The Last of Us II is a visual novel. 00:10:04.181 --> 00:10:05.421 It's a shooting game. 00:10:05.441 --> 00:10:06.781 A shooting novel. 00:10:06.881 --> 00:10:08.321 But that's the thing, right? 00:10:08.681 --> 00:10:28.221 You either have games that have combat elements or combat choices, or frames of combat, or you have games that people don't necessarily consider to be real games or that are very different than what we would typically be considering, what we typically think of when we call them in video games, right? 00:10:28.421 --> 00:10:33.601 You know, as much as we can say like, oh yeah, Undertale has combat elements, it's also talking about combat. 00:10:33.621 --> 00:10:39.101 It's also interested in like engaging with, well, why do we care about combat? 00:10:39.101 --> 00:10:40.941 What does combat mean for us? 00:10:41.381 --> 00:10:51.221 I guess what I'm saying is, where's my AAA game that is like, that is like genuinely going to make me actually feel things in a significant way? 00:10:51.521 --> 00:10:51.921 You know? 00:10:51.941 --> 00:10:53.181 Give me that. 00:10:53.461 --> 00:10:57.221 Give me that feeling because like, because it's not just about combat, right? 00:10:57.241 --> 00:11:09.201 It's also about like, I need these characters to feel real and relatable, and like I need to understand and care about them and have the themes be relatable to me and all of these sorts of things, you know? 00:11:09.561 --> 00:11:11.961 I have a solution, I think. 00:11:12.141 --> 00:11:23.841 Because we have already made the game, but what we need to do, like we've talked about, even the physical hardware causes this problem of sort of turning towards combat elements. 00:11:24.141 --> 00:11:31.401 Not a problem, it causes this sequence of events, tendencies towards combat elements. 00:11:31.421 --> 00:11:35.161 What we need to do is rethink the hardware. 00:11:35.301 --> 00:11:40.781 And I think one of the most important things is that this hardware needs to be linked to your feelings. 00:11:41.301 --> 00:11:43.701 You need to be able to control this game with your feelings. 00:11:43.901 --> 00:11:51.161 And if you do feel sadness, you are reported to the Video Game Overlords and you are sent to the sadness camps. 00:11:51.481 --> 00:11:52.881 But we don't think about that. 00:11:53.121 --> 00:11:55.021 Hang on, hang on, hang on. 00:11:55.521 --> 00:11:58.821 Now, let's back up for a second. 00:11:58.841 --> 00:12:00.381 You said we've already made the game. 00:12:00.601 --> 00:12:07.361 We made the Dinosaur Park AAA meteorite jumping platformer. 00:12:07.561 --> 00:12:08.281 It's about feelings game. 00:12:08.301 --> 00:12:10.141 First of all, we never said it was AAA. 00:12:10.201 --> 00:12:14.381 It's definitely AAA with a theme like that. 00:12:14.381 --> 00:12:16.021 How could you not get funding? 00:12:17.201 --> 00:12:19.181 Who doesn't want to see a dinosaur jump? 00:12:19.561 --> 00:12:21.541 Fair, I guess. 00:12:22.061 --> 00:12:24.801 I am curious about what other games we could make. 00:12:25.081 --> 00:12:32.121 If we are going to have this controller that's linked to feelings, what's a game that engages really well with that? 00:12:32.301 --> 00:12:35.201 How do you make a game about feelings? 00:12:35.221 --> 00:12:38.701 I mean, I think about how do we make the equivalent of... 00:12:38.941 --> 00:12:39.941 The trigger button? 00:12:40.061 --> 00:12:49.661 No, I was going to relate it back to tabletop games, in which there are games that exist where your stats are feelings or labels, labels and masks, feelings in the veil. 00:12:49.781 --> 00:12:54.981 There are games in which your way of relating to things is asking, how do I feel right now? 00:12:55.121 --> 00:12:56.821 What am I thinking about this? 00:12:57.281 --> 00:12:58.621 And video games could do that too. 00:12:59.001 --> 00:13:01.101 I think games would be a lot slower. 00:13:01.121 --> 00:13:01.961 Yeah. 00:13:01.981 --> 00:13:19.221 And I think Animal Crossing is maybe the closest we are going to get, not from a narrative perspective, but from a mechanics perspective of slowness in our video games that we don't generally think about. 00:13:19.501 --> 00:13:33.481 You know, this is part of the society we live in, and the productivity that is sort of ingrained in everyone as a positive thing, which, hey, don't want to not be positive about productivity because that would get sent anyway. 00:13:33.501 --> 00:13:34.621 To the sadness. 00:13:34.641 --> 00:13:35.321 Yeah, no, no. 00:13:35.741 --> 00:13:36.321 We all know. 00:13:36.341 --> 00:13:37.201 We all understand. 00:13:37.321 --> 00:13:40.761 What about if you could do an Animal Crossing style game in a different genre? 00:13:41.221 --> 00:13:56.101 Like a storytelling Animal Crossing, where it's not so much about the vast amount of characters, but the honing in on characters themselves, and sort of like just really getting to know somebody. 00:13:56.361 --> 00:13:57.621 Right, yeah, exactly. 00:13:57.641 --> 00:14:00.401 And I'm thinking about like adventure type games. 00:14:00.741 --> 00:14:02.201 Have you heard of Coffee Talks? 00:14:02.521 --> 00:14:04.881 Coffee Talks, it's another indie game. 00:14:04.901 --> 00:14:05.681 I haven't played it. 00:14:05.701 --> 00:14:07.381 I haven't played it, but I've heard. 00:14:07.601 --> 00:14:08.541 Yeah, I've heard of it. 00:14:08.561 --> 00:14:10.041 You make coffee for people. 00:14:10.321 --> 00:14:15.021 You're a barista, and you listen to conversations, and you engage in conversations. 00:14:16.081 --> 00:14:17.061 What if you could do cool shit? 00:14:17.221 --> 00:14:21.641 What if you could do cool shit and have feelings involved, you know? 00:14:21.661 --> 00:14:23.041 What is cool shit, Brianna? 00:14:23.381 --> 00:14:24.401 Adventures! 00:14:24.981 --> 00:14:26.041 So more combat. 00:14:26.881 --> 00:14:28.881 No, who says adventures have to have combat? 00:14:29.021 --> 00:14:32.041 What is the conflict in the adventure? 00:14:32.341 --> 00:14:34.501 I mean, there are many types of conflict. 00:14:34.861 --> 00:14:38.381 And, you know, like, I think that there's definitely ways of like... 00:14:38.621 --> 00:14:45.441 I think a lot of these games have framed things in terms of combat, but there's not really a necessity for it to be about combat. 00:14:45.741 --> 00:14:49.141 You could have a game in which you are going to different places. 00:14:49.161 --> 00:14:50.261 You're on some sort of journey. 00:14:50.281 --> 00:14:51.441 You have to do some sort of thing. 00:14:51.461 --> 00:14:54.421 You go to different places, not played it. 00:14:55.601 --> 00:14:56.681 That is a triple L. 00:14:56.701 --> 00:15:00.701 Well, I think it started as an indie game, actually, but it became very, very popular. 00:15:00.721 --> 00:15:03.661 And it is literally about the journey. 00:15:03.881 --> 00:15:07.901 Yeah, but I just think about like interacting with people along the way, right? 00:15:07.921 --> 00:15:12.141 And like going, stopping in at different towns and being like, what's the situation here? 00:15:12.161 --> 00:15:12.421 Right? 00:15:12.441 --> 00:15:15.441 Like, this is a fairly typical way that games work. 00:15:15.461 --> 00:15:18.381 It's just that like, oh, yeah, welcome to our town. 00:15:18.401 --> 00:15:22.761 We have this issue that we need you to solve that involves hurting and killing. 00:15:22.921 --> 00:15:25.441 What if it's about conflict resolution? 00:15:25.621 --> 00:15:27.921 Or what if it's about de-escalation? 00:15:28.301 --> 00:15:33.861 Yeah, de-escalation or about helping people learn skills, right? 00:15:33.881 --> 00:15:37.421 Like, there's lots of different ways to relate to people that don't involve fighting. 00:15:37.441 --> 00:15:41.961 I mean, we do see a lot of these games in indie genres. 00:15:42.761 --> 00:15:47.721 But think about what if it had the budget of Breath of the Wild, right? 00:15:48.661 --> 00:15:51.721 An open-world game to explore your feelings. 00:15:52.101 --> 00:15:53.641 Yeah, exactly. 00:15:53.661 --> 00:15:55.641 This is what I'm saying, right? 00:15:55.861 --> 00:16:05.141 Because something isn't necessarily more valid just because it has more money, but because it has more resources, it can do lots of different things and it can do really cool things. 00:16:05.161 --> 00:16:05.721 I don't know. 00:16:05.741 --> 00:16:06.561 I'm just saying. 00:16:06.881 --> 00:16:10.001 So you're just going on a journey, talking about your feelings? 00:16:10.661 --> 00:16:22.141 Is it just like the conflict is internal and you have to solve the problem, but there's this vast world where you could solve this problem in a number of ways, and who knows where your journey takes you? 00:16:22.461 --> 00:16:25.881 But wherever you decide to go, there might be an answer. 00:16:25.921 --> 00:16:30.901 And also, hey, maybe there isn't an answer, but there's things along the way anyways. 00:16:31.361 --> 00:16:38.721 One of the things that I think a AAA game could do that a lot of smaller indie games can't is presenting multiple different outcomes. 00:16:38.881 --> 00:16:42.161 Like really having big branching paths. 00:16:42.181 --> 00:16:46.861 And so being able to be like, what am I feeling towards these people at About This World? 00:16:46.881 --> 00:16:48.121 How do I want to resolve this? 00:16:48.141 --> 00:16:52.041 And then based on how you resolve it, you end up kind of in a different place. 00:16:52.061 --> 00:16:54.121 And I don't know, branching paths are cool. 00:16:54.581 --> 00:16:58.761 I mean, I'd love a game that literally centered around one problem. 00:16:59.161 --> 00:17:03.801 And it was just about all the vast different ways that you could solve this problem. 00:17:04.421 --> 00:17:11.001 Because I think we often get stuck in the rut of like, all right, I need to find the solution. 00:17:11.261 --> 00:17:15.281 There is a solution to this, which isn't necessarily always true. 00:17:15.581 --> 00:17:17.701 And so that's educational in and of itself. 00:17:17.901 --> 00:17:21.001 So what if we make Breath of the Feelings? 00:17:21.161 --> 00:17:22.221 Zelda's still in it. 00:17:22.341 --> 00:17:23.201 It's just Zelda. 00:17:23.221 --> 00:17:24.901 You're just playing as Zelda. 00:17:25.161 --> 00:17:27.001 You're just playing as Zelda. 00:17:27.761 --> 00:17:34.241 Zelda realizes she's a lesbian, and she actually doesn't know how to tell Link. 00:17:34.281 --> 00:17:35.421 It's a hard thing to tell. 00:17:35.721 --> 00:17:36.541 She wants to... 00:17:36.561 --> 00:17:42.321 Like, look, you fall in love with a twink, and it's like, okay, you're great, but, like, mm... 00:17:44.181 --> 00:17:45.961 Like, mm, kind of a dyke, though. 00:17:45.981 --> 00:18:01.841 And yeah, it's like this, like, I don't know, like, there is something interesting in the idea of someone going through a, like, internal kind of period of figuring things out and also having to deal with, like, external problems and having to be like, to link those two things up, right? 00:18:01.901 --> 00:18:02.741 Like, that's interesting. 00:18:02.761 --> 00:18:04.301 To link those two things up, you say? 00:18:04.461 --> 00:18:07.881 God, to link, yes, exactly, to link those two things up. 00:18:07.901 --> 00:18:10.921 Because we know that magic is already about feelings, right? 00:18:12.361 --> 00:18:15.621 So you have to be feeling it in order to do a certain type of magic. 00:18:16.301 --> 00:18:22.821 Ah, her magic isn't working, because her feelings are conflicted, so you can't have combat, even if you wanted to. 00:18:22.841 --> 00:18:23.901 Yeah, exactly. 00:18:24.041 --> 00:18:30.121 And then you get your magic back, and the game ends, and it's like, aha, she's gonna go do combat, but that's not what the game's about. 00:18:30.361 --> 00:18:31.541 Yeah, who cares? 00:18:31.701 --> 00:18:32.781 Who cares about the combat? 00:18:33.001 --> 00:18:33.621 Great game. 00:18:33.701 --> 00:18:35.121 This is a great game. 00:18:35.141 --> 00:18:37.821 So tell me, how does the feelings controller work? 00:18:38.161 --> 00:18:44.121 You hook it up to your, I guess, frontal lobe, and probably around your wrist. 00:18:44.141 --> 00:18:47.561 It checks your blood pressure, which is really good. 00:18:47.921 --> 00:18:53.641 It can also monitor, I guess, your activity, because video games keep trying to push that. 00:18:55.021 --> 00:18:56.741 This one just does it automatically. 00:18:56.761 --> 00:19:03.521 It also gives you little pep talks, and also just a random dosage of serotonin every once in a while. 00:19:04.041 --> 00:19:06.421 I'm not sure about this anymore. 00:19:06.441 --> 00:19:07.821 I don't know about this. 00:19:08.461 --> 00:19:11.481 I mean, not that I have criticisms, because that would be negative. 00:19:11.641 --> 00:19:13.741 I actually want to retcon something. 00:19:13.761 --> 00:19:19.121 It's not serotonin, it's dopamine, because we do need to emulate the real video game experience. 00:19:21.181 --> 00:19:22.161 Yeah, you know what? 00:19:22.561 --> 00:19:24.921 Yeah, that's our AAA game. 00:19:25.101 --> 00:19:26.941 Breath of the Feelings dopamine adventures. 00:19:27.661 --> 00:19:30.581 Clair, will you tell me your first craving? 00:19:30.981 --> 00:19:31.861 Coffee. 00:19:31.881 --> 00:19:35.521 I really just want coffee sometimes. 00:19:36.021 --> 00:19:36.481 Yeah. 00:19:36.801 --> 00:19:38.361 I don't really drink coffee. 00:19:38.381 --> 00:19:39.501 I had a coffee today. 00:19:39.521 --> 00:19:40.021 I don't either. 00:19:40.041 --> 00:19:43.201 Yeah, it's very good. 00:19:43.221 --> 00:19:44.941 I do like coffee. 00:19:44.961 --> 00:19:47.761 I will drink pretty much any coffee. 00:19:48.521 --> 00:19:53.681 It is the fast juice, makes you speedy, sonic adjacent, if you will. 00:19:54.181 --> 00:19:55.521 I will, yes, I will submit it. 00:19:57.321 --> 00:20:05.941 But years ago, I became reliant on coffee, and I decided that I was not going to drink it anymore one day. 00:20:05.961 --> 00:20:07.721 And I just sort of stuck with that. 00:20:07.861 --> 00:20:16.921 I'll have a coffee every other month, but I don't know, I want to solve this craving, because decaf just doesn't always hit the spot, you know? 00:20:16.941 --> 00:20:24.521 I don't want to want to have the coffee every day, but I want to have a coffee every so often. 00:20:24.721 --> 00:20:28.561 What is preventing you from solving this craving of your own accord? 00:20:28.741 --> 00:20:53.101 Because I need to find the balance between having a coffee frequently enough that I get to enjoy a coffee, and not feeling like when I wake up in the morning that if I do not get this bean juice in my body, that I will become physically and a magic girl transform into a slug. 00:20:53.541 --> 00:20:55.481 I have the perfect solution. 00:20:55.501 --> 00:20:59.301 It is a coffee maker. 00:20:59.321 --> 00:21:02.101 It's just a coffee maker. 00:21:02.121 --> 00:21:04.521 So there's this coffee maker, right? 00:21:04.681 --> 00:21:08.861 And it only lets you have coffee every few days. 00:21:08.881 --> 00:21:14.521 It keeps a record of when you last had coffee, and won't dispense every single day. 00:21:14.921 --> 00:21:17.521 Oh, it's like a parental control coffee maker. 00:21:17.881 --> 00:21:19.641 Yes, parental control coffee maker. 00:21:19.661 --> 00:21:23.861 It's sort of like a con, cough maker of sorts. 00:21:23.881 --> 00:21:26.901 It sort of has con days and cough days. 00:21:26.921 --> 00:21:32.661 Are you trying to say on and off with C because coffee starts with C? 00:21:32.721 --> 00:21:35.161 I don't understand where this is coming from. 00:21:35.201 --> 00:21:36.821 Sorry, let me say it differently. 00:21:36.821 --> 00:21:38.841 Conny days and coffee days. 00:21:39.121 --> 00:21:45.181 You know, on the conny days, you're on, and you get to have coffee, and then on the coffee days, you don't get to have coffee. 00:21:45.201 --> 00:21:46.481 Wait, that's very confusing. 00:21:46.681 --> 00:21:51.481 So I don't get to have coffee. 00:21:51.781 --> 00:21:54.121 I don't get to have coffee on the coffee days? 00:21:54.381 --> 00:21:58.721 Yeah, because it's off, because it's like coffee, right? 00:21:58.741 --> 00:22:06.221 Like, coffee days are off-y days, and this is the jingle that we'll have. 00:22:06.541 --> 00:22:10.761 So coffee days are off-y days, and conny days are on-y days. 00:22:12.661 --> 00:22:14.121 And that's how we'll market it. 00:22:14.381 --> 00:22:15.601 It's a genius idea. 00:22:15.781 --> 00:22:21.101 So you don't think we'll confuse people by not giving them coffee on coffee days? 00:22:21.361 --> 00:22:25.401 There's absolutely no risk of confusion there, because it has a little thing. 00:22:25.601 --> 00:22:30.601 What if we just call our product conny, and then you get a conny? 00:22:31.161 --> 00:22:32.541 You get turned con. 00:22:33.181 --> 00:22:34.841 Sorry, you explained to me. 00:22:42.241 --> 00:22:42.701 Oh, hmm. 00:22:42.721 --> 00:22:50.821 Maybe instead we could have the conny days be, you just get dispensed a cute little drawing of conny from Steven Universe. 00:22:50.901 --> 00:22:52.021 There we go, that's much better. 00:22:52.481 --> 00:22:55.081 It's like a unique drawing every single day. 00:22:55.101 --> 00:22:58.241 Yeah, that's one of the functions of the coffee maker, it draws them. 00:22:58.481 --> 00:23:06.921 I love the new subreddit Coffee Connies, which is just like everyone posting their unique conny photos from their conny maker. 00:23:06.941 --> 00:23:13.461 I wonder how many people are going to buy this for the images of conny, and how many people are going to buy this for the coffee. 00:23:13.761 --> 00:23:15.921 I mean, either way, they're buying it. 00:23:16.321 --> 00:23:23.601 So is it conny drinking a coffee just to taunt you, like in different forms with different coffees every day? 00:23:23.621 --> 00:23:36.561 Well, it's not taunting you because on the conny days, I guess maybe we should switch around and have the coffee days be the days where you get coffee, and the conny days the days where you get conny. 00:23:36.581 --> 00:23:37.901 This is really sorry, Clair. 00:23:37.921 --> 00:23:39.581 You should have suggested this earlier. 00:23:40.901 --> 00:23:42.301 On the coffee days, you get coffee. 00:23:42.321 --> 00:23:43.761 On the conny days, you get conny. 00:23:43.761 --> 00:23:47.341 And it still keeps that on-off thing because conny is... 00:23:47.361 --> 00:23:48.861 I feel like we've shift gears. 00:23:48.881 --> 00:23:51.581 This is more of a conny marketing tool. 00:23:51.801 --> 00:23:53.821 This is for people who like connies. 00:23:53.841 --> 00:23:58.401 This is a side character of Steven Universe, a show that I don't even think is still running. 00:23:58.781 --> 00:24:01.681 What if it's just generally different connies? 00:24:01.721 --> 00:24:04.321 What if it's like we just have a database of connies? 00:24:04.341 --> 00:24:05.181 Oh, anyone named connie. 00:24:05.361 --> 00:24:07.161 Anyone named connie can show up. 00:24:07.181 --> 00:24:12.601 And I feel like a bunch of connies would buy this because it's like, what if they show up, right? 00:24:12.621 --> 00:24:13.941 I love... 00:24:14.121 --> 00:24:15.281 Hang on. 00:24:15.501 --> 00:24:18.061 So you know this person does not exist, right? 00:24:18.121 --> 00:24:19.981 It's this connie does not exist. 00:24:20.941 --> 00:24:25.541 It's just randomly generated pictures of people named connie. 00:24:27.821 --> 00:24:29.701 What are the different portraits? 00:24:30.481 --> 00:24:31.621 Are they different styles? 00:24:32.021 --> 00:24:34.401 What do the refills cost? 00:24:34.421 --> 00:24:37.361 Is it like a pack of coffee beans with inks? 00:24:37.641 --> 00:24:41.041 It's like printer ink, but the fourth cartridge is coffee grounds. 00:24:41.341 --> 00:24:42.821 So yeah, it's just that. 00:24:42.841 --> 00:24:45.261 It's just a pack, and then you just put it in. 00:24:45.281 --> 00:24:49.601 You want to make sure you put it in the right way, else that's not going to go well for you. 00:24:49.621 --> 00:24:51.301 But you know, got to have a little risk in there. 00:24:51.321 --> 00:24:52.741 That's what people love. 00:24:52.761 --> 00:24:53.501 People love that. 00:24:53.561 --> 00:24:55.981 Wait, wait, the risk. 00:24:56.241 --> 00:24:58.381 Tell me what you imagine the risks are. 00:24:58.721 --> 00:25:07.041 If you put it in the wrong way around, one of your coffee days, you'll get ink instead of coffee grounds. 00:25:07.501 --> 00:25:12.661 And on the other day, you'll get a drawing made from coffee grounds instead of ink. 00:25:13.821 --> 00:25:16.381 So that's the danger there. 00:25:16.561 --> 00:25:18.021 But it's a pretty minor danger. 00:25:19.421 --> 00:25:27.421 If we can just so casually make portraits out of coffee grounds, I feel like what we've done is gone ahead and created an entire new genre of art. 00:25:27.921 --> 00:25:30.501 We've created the connie genre of art. 00:25:30.861 --> 00:25:36.541 So not only have we made a product, but we've revolutionized art in and of itself. 00:25:36.561 --> 00:25:38.781 We've truly made an experience. 00:25:38.861 --> 00:25:43.121 And I mean, if you think about it, we were already doing that because no one's done this before, right? 00:25:43.141 --> 00:25:47.081 No one's created robots who make connies. 00:25:47.481 --> 00:25:51.061 Yeah, no, I think this is really revolutionary in a lot of ways, right? 00:25:51.241 --> 00:25:54.441 And it's also, you know, helping people stay away from coffee as much, right? 00:25:54.461 --> 00:25:58.021 Like they get coffee every so often, but they don't rely on it in the same way. 00:25:58.181 --> 00:26:00.101 What if you get this and you don't want coffee? 00:26:00.121 --> 00:26:01.901 What do you do with the coffee? 00:26:01.921 --> 00:26:03.341 I guess so. 00:26:03.361 --> 00:26:05.341 Can you refill the cartridges? 00:26:05.361 --> 00:26:07.581 I don't think so, right? 00:26:07.601 --> 00:26:09.301 Like you have to just get a new cartridge. 00:26:09.761 --> 00:26:11.781 Well, yeah, you buy cartridges, you know? 00:26:13.021 --> 00:26:15.281 It's part of the business model, you know? 00:26:15.421 --> 00:26:18.441 The machine costs $10, but the cartridges... 00:26:19.041 --> 00:26:20.521 Yeah, that's the thing that gets you. 00:26:20.621 --> 00:26:21.601 But it's worth it, right? 00:26:21.601 --> 00:26:23.201 Everyone's going to love it so much. 00:26:23.461 --> 00:26:25.661 Think about the Connie's, think about the coffee's. 00:26:25.941 --> 00:26:28.221 You're not going to know how you live without them. 00:26:28.561 --> 00:26:30.381 So what is that product called? 00:26:30.421 --> 00:26:32.221 Is it just called the Connie Coffee? 00:26:32.421 --> 00:26:34.621 The Connie Coffee, the Connie Coffee Maker. 00:26:34.901 --> 00:26:39.321 And just like every other good household appliance, it's also a wiretap. 00:26:41.861 --> 00:26:42.341 Great. 00:26:42.841 --> 00:26:43.901 What's your craving? 00:26:46.501 --> 00:26:49.821 My ex craving is really quite simple. 00:26:50.141 --> 00:26:56.261 Masquerade, paper faces on parade, masquerade. 00:26:56.761 --> 00:26:57.881 Masquerade balls are good. 00:26:58.081 --> 00:26:58.861 I don't understand. 00:26:58.901 --> 00:26:59.821 Is this a song? 00:26:59.961 --> 00:27:00.861 Should I know this reference? 00:27:00.881 --> 00:27:02.921 This is a song from Phantom of the Opera. 00:27:04.261 --> 00:27:06.361 The point is masquerade balls. 00:27:06.901 --> 00:27:08.881 I think we need to bring them back. 00:27:09.221 --> 00:27:10.881 I think they need to come back. 00:27:11.121 --> 00:27:12.641 I love going to masquerade balls. 00:27:12.981 --> 00:27:13.361 Right? 00:27:13.381 --> 00:27:14.441 This is what I'm saying. 00:27:16.001 --> 00:27:20.521 I think they should come back, because if you think about it, what's better than a masquerade ball? 00:27:20.861 --> 00:27:21.301 Nothing. 00:27:21.381 --> 00:27:23.721 Probably masquerade, like casual dance. 00:27:23.741 --> 00:27:26.261 I don't feel like many people do balls anymore. 00:27:26.541 --> 00:27:27.501 That's the problem. 00:27:27.781 --> 00:27:31.921 See, you can't just have a casual masquerade. 00:27:32.041 --> 00:27:33.941 That's just a bunch of people in masks. 00:27:34.181 --> 00:27:35.121 A casquerade. 00:27:35.181 --> 00:27:36.501 It's a disgrace. 00:27:36.761 --> 00:27:46.341 What you need is like full on, I'm talking big poofy dresses, like lots of like absurd glittery masks. 00:27:46.401 --> 00:27:48.461 I'm talking like big hair. 00:27:48.701 --> 00:27:49.801 We gotta bring it all back. 00:27:50.361 --> 00:27:54.221 Okay, so this is really targeted for the bourgeoisie still. 00:27:54.381 --> 00:27:56.661 We're bringing that aspect back too. 00:27:56.881 --> 00:28:00.641 See, that's one of the problems with the masquerade as it is, is that it's just for the bourgeoisie. 00:28:00.741 --> 00:28:04.821 I think we need to redistribute masquerades, right? 00:28:04.841 --> 00:28:07.161 I think we need to give masquerades to everyone. 00:28:08.081 --> 00:28:10.221 We have better technology now. 00:28:10.661 --> 00:28:17.141 I don't see a single reason why we can't have all out, big time masquerade stuff for all classes. 00:28:17.781 --> 00:28:19.681 What about the cost factor? 00:28:19.901 --> 00:28:21.261