SPEAKER_1: All right, let's do this thing.
SPEAKER_1: It's been a while.
SPEAKER_1: How do we do this again?
SPEAKER_1: It's names, my name's Clair Blotz.
SPEAKER_2: And my name's Bri-me-Bri-Bri-Bri-Bri-Bri-Bri-Bri-Bri-Bri.
SPEAKER_2: Anna.
SPEAKER_1: Just like Bri with the repeating sign for math over top of it.
SPEAKER_2: Instead of three repeating, it's pre-repeating, thank you.
SPEAKER_1: And we do Cravings and we're so good at this, this isn't a bit.
SPEAKER_1: Salt Cravings, that's what it's called.
SPEAKER_2: Oh boy, oh boy, did we, did one week where we did our not our usual thing just completely wipe your memory of how to do Salt Cravings?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I thought, see Brianna, I thought we were doing another RPG because I brought one today, it's called, We Share Four Cravings Back and Forth.
SPEAKER_1: I'll teach you the rules, don't worry.
SPEAKER_1: It's a.
SPEAKER_2: Every, truly anything can be an RPG.
SPEAKER_1: Turns out the Salt Cravings RPG all along was just recording Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that sounds like an RPG to me.
SPEAKER_2: What if I write out a Salt Cravings RPG?
SPEAKER_2: Anyway.
SPEAKER_1: You don't even have to like record it, just walk up to anyone you know in your life and just be like, you know what I'm craving and then tell them and then just like come up with the wildest solution.
SPEAKER_1: I'm craving pizza.
SPEAKER_1: Have you tried robbing a bank?
SPEAKER_2: And that's RPGs, baby.
SPEAKER_2: No dice.
SPEAKER_2: Fuck your dice.
SPEAKER_1: So no dice to start us off.
SPEAKER_1: Do you wanna roll the first craving?
SPEAKER_2: What if I rolled dice to decide which of my cravings I'm gonna do first?
SPEAKER_1: Ivy, you could do that, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: I'm gonna flip a coin, actually.
SPEAKER_2: This is a coin RPG.
SPEAKER_1: Roll for craving.
SPEAKER_2: All right, heads, heads and tails.
SPEAKER_1: It's just a two-sided rock dice.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, that's okay.
SPEAKER_2: All right, here we go.
SPEAKER_2: I got heads, which means we are starting off with...
SPEAKER_2: Ah.
SPEAKER_1: It's because lightsabers take heads off.
SPEAKER_2: Yep, that's definitely it.
SPEAKER_2: Welcome to Star Wars time.
SPEAKER_2: Um, I, hey, hello, everyone.
SPEAKER_2: Hello there.
SPEAKER_1: Welcome back to the Star Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: Star Cravings, welcome to Star Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: I know I've done various Star Wars ones before.
SPEAKER_1: Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_1: This one is about how Jar Jar Binks needs his own spinoff.
SPEAKER_2: It is actually not about that at all, but it is about a spinoff involving Jar Jar Binks.
SPEAKER_2: Oh no.
SPEAKER_2: It is about Star Wars, the Clone Wars, the TV show, it's so good.
SPEAKER_2: Is he in there?
SPEAKER_2: There are certain episodes where Jar Jar is in it.
SPEAKER_2: It's like a Jar Jar episode.
SPEAKER_2: Everyone hates on him and he fucks everything up and it's not a fun episode to watch.
SPEAKER_2: And then he's done and then they move on.
SPEAKER_2: Other than that, let me talk a little bit about Star Wars, the Clone Wars.
SPEAKER_2: So I had not actually, I'd seen the movie that the series kind of is based on, right?
SPEAKER_2: There's a Clone Wars movie specifically, and then the series kind of follows from that.
SPEAKER_2: Here's some things about Star Wars, the Clone Wars.
SPEAKER_2: It follows, you know, Anakin and Obi-Wan and also Anakin's padawan, Ahsoka Tano, who's a 14 year old alien padawan who's in this war now.
SPEAKER_2: Yay, woohoo.
SPEAKER_2: And sometimes it talks about other characters and it's all not in order.
SPEAKER_2: There's like a chronological, like, canon watch order in certain groups of episodes will be together, but like the canonical watch order is ridiculous.
SPEAKER_2: It's like, oh yeah, start out with these two episodes from season three, then start out with season one, then at this point watch a series of episodes from season two and then don't watch the end of season one until halfway through season three.
SPEAKER_2: And it's just, that is what it is, which I love and hate deeply.
SPEAKER_2: It gets a little bit more chronological as time goes on and Disney kind of gets their hands on it.
SPEAKER_2: And George Lucas gets less involved, but Clone Wars is I think the best that I've seen Star Wars be in recent memory.
SPEAKER_2: I think my two favorite, I think pieces of Star Wars media recently have been Clone Wars and Rogue One.
SPEAKER_2: And that's not an accident.
SPEAKER_2: That is because both of them are interested in taking at the very least small deviations from typical Star Wars storytelling.
SPEAKER_2: At the very least there are moments in which you kind of think about like, hey, what are the Jedi doing?
SPEAKER_2: Hey, this is kind of messed up.
SPEAKER_2: And there are moments where you're like, oh, right, the Republic is going to become the Empire.
SPEAKER_2: And also moments where you're like, oh, right, clones are people, huh?
SPEAKER_2: This is like, this is complicated.
SPEAKER_2: And sometimes it doesn't do that.
SPEAKER_2: And a lot of times, in fact, it doesn't do that.
SPEAKER_2: But it does it more than anything in the traditional Star Wars canon.
SPEAKER_2: And at the very least kind of indicates in the direction of criticisms of the kind of main line trilogy and allows itself to step outside of that.
SPEAKER_2: There's many things that I think about the Clone Wars, but the crux of it is I want more Star Wars media to be able to criticize Star Wars, to like, complicated, at the very least, to question it, to like kind of mess with stuff and be like, hey, what if the Jedi, hmm, what if the Jedi are kind of bad?
SPEAKER_2: My craving is for the Clone Wars to be able to do more because I don't think it is able to, you know, get to the level it needs to be at to talk about questions of like Clone personhood or Droid personhood, or like what war means and is actually like.
SPEAKER_2: But it does also definitely make me be like, what if I just ran a Beam Saber campaign that was just like about this war and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
SPEAKER_2: But I don't know.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, in general, Clone Wars has got me very excited.
SPEAKER_2: I want more stuff that does this, specifically Star Wars, but in general, I want more stuff to be able to kind of complicate its own universe or its own understandings of morality.
SPEAKER_1: So we're going to make Star Bores.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, tell me about Star Bores.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, have you ever seen The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo?
SPEAKER_2: I have a while ago and I don't remember much from it.
SPEAKER_1: That's fine.
SPEAKER_1: They pitched Star Bores.
SPEAKER_1: It was a rousing success, I'm sure.
SPEAKER_1: And now we're going to produce it for them.
SPEAKER_1: There's a lot more pigs.
SPEAKER_2: Right, and it's going to do all the stuff that I just talked about, about wanting it to kind of complicate notions of what's good and bad in the Star Wars universe and what war is like.
SPEAKER_1: You know what the easiest way to talk about hard topics is?
SPEAKER_1: With funny images.
SPEAKER_1: So if we just make everybody into big giant boar pigs, then we can talk about death and mutilation and war and bodies in a very fun and child-friendly way.
SPEAKER_1: Maybe that clone is Thanksgiving dinner for the themed episode, but we won't think about that until 10 minutes in.
SPEAKER_1: And then everyone has a crisis at the Thanksgiving dinner table.
SPEAKER_2: I hate that.
SPEAKER_2: I also am just remembering, I was like, isn't there a pig alien in, like a boar type alien in Star Wars?
SPEAKER_2: And there super is.
SPEAKER_1: That's the only one that isn't a boar.
SPEAKER_2: Gamorians?
SPEAKER_2: They're the guys who Jabba has guarding his castle and then Luke comes in and is like, I'm gonna choke y'all.
SPEAKER_2: Boom.
SPEAKER_2: Cause Luke is at his most dark side at that point.
SPEAKER_2: Anyway, here's what they look like.
SPEAKER_2: I just posted that in the Discord chat.
SPEAKER_2: That's more orc than boar.
SPEAKER_1: That's like if you hinted at boar with orc.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that sounds about right.
SPEAKER_2: It's a bork.
SPEAKER_1: Bork.
SPEAKER_2: Bork wars.
SPEAKER_2: Bork bork.
SPEAKER_1: Get ready for bork bores.
SPEAKER_2: Bork bores of Star Wars.
SPEAKER_2: What the fuck are we talking about?
SPEAKER_2: So we're doing Star Bores, eh?
SPEAKER_1: You could just critically talk about Star Wars for 30 minutes.
SPEAKER_1: I can go grab a beer, you know, sit down on the deck.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know anything about Star Wars other than the last one was bad.
SPEAKER_1: I never saw it.
SPEAKER_1: Actually, the last two were bad.
SPEAKER_1: The last three, I don't remember.
SPEAKER_1: Maybe the last nine movies were bad.
SPEAKER_2: On one level, all of Star Wars is bad.
SPEAKER_2: On another level, I think most of the movies are pretty good.
SPEAKER_2: But like, it's complicated.
SPEAKER_2: Depends what you're there for.
SPEAKER_2: Blah, blah, blah.
SPEAKER_2: Last Jedi gets the closest to what I want, but just like can't deliver at all, which makes me sad.
SPEAKER_2: Anyway, I could just go off.
SPEAKER_2: Have you seen?
SPEAKER_2: Which of the Star Wars movies have you seen?
SPEAKER_1: All of them except Solo and the Chapter Nine.
SPEAKER_2: That's the same as me.
SPEAKER_2: We have the same knowledge of basic Star Wars.
SPEAKER_2: It's just I've also read a book or two from the old canon, and I've been watching Crown Wars.
SPEAKER_1: The Darth Bane series when I was like a teenager.
SPEAKER_1: That was about it.
SPEAKER_1: That's about my extent of knowledge of Star Wars.
SPEAKER_1: He becomes like a beetle person.
SPEAKER_1: It's cool as shit.
SPEAKER_1: I'm pretty sure it does not hold up 10 years later in terms of politics.
SPEAKER_1: But it also was him being just a giant asshole because he's evil the whole time.
SPEAKER_1: So who knows?
SPEAKER_1: It's probably just a power fantasy.
SPEAKER_2: If I wanted to just do this whole critique, I would just talk about this one fan bite article by Gretchen Felker-Martin, which is Star Wars and the pitfalls of telling adult stories in a world built for children.
SPEAKER_2: I'll just link that.
SPEAKER_2: If y'all want to hear my thoughts on Star Wars in depth, that's pretty close to what I feel.
SPEAKER_2: It talks about Kodor II and The Last Jedi, and I think The Clone Wars is in a similar place as those.
SPEAKER_2: But really, I guess, like, I do think about the potential of like, I don't know, I think about the potential of a lot of things.
SPEAKER_1: I think about the potential of myself and how I'm wasting it.
SPEAKER_2: But anyway, they should let me write Star Wars.
SPEAKER_2: That's really what I'm saying here.
SPEAKER_2: They're letting Austin Walker do a short story, they should let me do one next.
SPEAKER_1: That's the line up, right?
SPEAKER_1: It's Austin Walker, then immediately after you're there.
SPEAKER_2: I can write, sure.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I didn't really have a pre-planned one.
SPEAKER_1: You just wanted to talk about Star Wars.
SPEAKER_2: I get it.
SPEAKER_2: I wanted to specifically talk about the Clone Wars, also about clones in general.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, would you eat your own clone?
SPEAKER_1: That's how the question goes, right?
SPEAKER_2: No, I'm pretty sure that's not quite the question, but let's not get into it.
SPEAKER_1: Is it cannibalism if you eat your clone?
SPEAKER_2: Um, yes.
SPEAKER_2: Yes.
SPEAKER_2: Why would it not be?
SPEAKER_1: Just love to mash up two random discourse.
SPEAKER_1: This is the new version of the discourse, a long lost podcast, except now we take two different discourse and we mash them up into terrible discourse.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, the discourse too.
SPEAKER_2: Two discourses.
SPEAKER_2: The thing specifically with Star Wars clones that I think is really interesting is, they have like inbred loyalty, like they are bred to be soldiers, and some of them still desert.
SPEAKER_1: There's so much bread and desert in this show.
SPEAKER_2: There's so much bread and desert, alien bread and desert.
SPEAKER_2: And I just like, what if sci-fi treated things like clones and robots and such as they deserve to be treated, you know?
SPEAKER_1: What does that mean?
SPEAKER_2: What it means is telling stories from their perspectives is honestly what it means, is like recognizing that they're people, because Star Wars is unclear on whether clones are people and it's very unclear on whether droids are people.
SPEAKER_2: It gets weird and bad very quickly when you start thinking about the fact that droids have personalities.
SPEAKER_1: Well, I can't speak to Star Wars, but in terms of sci-fi at large and robots and whatnot, as far as telling stories from their perspective, for a human, I've thought about this too much, for a human audience, you have to humanize them.
SPEAKER_1: And you've already lumped your story into a robots are people perspective if you write from the perspective of a robot.
SPEAKER_1: What I am often interested in is understanding that robots are not people, the understanding that they are different and that we won't be able to ever understand how they think.
SPEAKER_1: Even if you can communicate with a robot, and maybe this is going too far into theory, you can't understand a robot.
SPEAKER_1: And a robot will be built to try and understand humans, and it will appear like it does, even though it doesn't.
SPEAKER_1: And we have a lot of machines that already do that, which appear like they can understand you speak, but that's not what they are doing at all, even remotely.
SPEAKER_2: Here's the thing with droids in Star Wars.
SPEAKER_2: A droid is enough of a person to have a personality, to make their own decisions and choices when they are given the option to.
SPEAKER_2: They are enough of a person to serve in war.
SPEAKER_2: They are enough of a person to do tasks for people and to be considered characters.
SPEAKER_2: But they're also not viewed at all as living beings.
SPEAKER_2: So the Jedi will kill them indiscriminately.
SPEAKER_2: They don't consider them people and therefore don't hesitate to kill them.
SPEAKER_2: Anakin considers R2-D2 very important and close to him because he has attachments to things that he shouldn't.
SPEAKER_2: Whereas the rest of the Jedi are like, hey, just get rid of your droid and get a new one if it breaks or is lost.
SPEAKER_2: And so it puts them in this weird dehumanized position where it's not just that it dehumanizes, it also devalues them.
SPEAKER_2: It doesn't consider them, you know, to be the same.
SPEAKER_2: And, or not even just the same, it doesn't consider them to be worthy of any respect.
SPEAKER_2: It does something similar to clones.
SPEAKER_2: Clones are generally considered smarter and better at their jobs than robots, because they're people and can think on the fly.
SPEAKER_2: But they also have like, in terms of genetically bred loyalty, they have genetically bred like, service and willingness to die for the cause.
SPEAKER_2: They will like, do anything for the Republic in like a snap.
SPEAKER_2: And also they live half as long lives, and that's to make them grow up faster.
SPEAKER_2: So like, that's the thing about Star Wars that to me makes it a very complicated space to play in.
SPEAKER_2: And the things that I'm saying here are to me interesting if you give yourself the chance to explore them.
SPEAKER_2: But Star Wars doesn't, because it needs bad guys for the good guys to kill, and it needs sacrifices, but it can't kill its main characters because they're in the next movie.
SPEAKER_2: You see what I'm saying about where it gets messy?
SPEAKER_1: Well, I look forward to your Star Wars fan fiction you need to write.
SPEAKER_2: Apparently.
SPEAKER_2: Let's talk about Star Wars.
SPEAKER_2: Star Wars, they're pigs.
SPEAKER_2: It's funny.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, so in Star Wars, all the machines are actually our machines, except we're going to tackle that much more critically than Star Wars even.
SPEAKER_2: Wow, that's amazing.
SPEAKER_2: We did a great job.
SPEAKER_1: Robo pig love you.
SPEAKER_2: Robo pig love you.
SPEAKER_2: But do they really?
SPEAKER_2: Because do they have the choice to love you or not?
SPEAKER_2: But do they really?
SPEAKER_2: Anyway, thank you for letting me go off about Clone Wars for a bit.
SPEAKER_2: One of the things about quarantine is that I don't have the ability to go off as much.
SPEAKER_2: So it's nice to have outlets, you know?
SPEAKER_1: You just need to get off with everyone around.
SPEAKER_2: Hmm...
SPEAKER_2: No, no, I don't think...
SPEAKER_2: Now, Clair, roll Craving.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, would you look at that?
SPEAKER_1: I rolled my first Craving, so I'm gonna do that one.
SPEAKER_1: Which is...
SPEAKER_1: It's real hot out, and I really, really want one of those magnetic fans that are very quiet and are also very expensive.
SPEAKER_1: So I want an affordable magnetic fan.
SPEAKER_1: And I'm just thinking, Brianna, how could we put this together?
SPEAKER_1: I don't know if you've ever seen these.
SPEAKER_1: They're like Dyson fans, they're just rings.
SPEAKER_1: They're completely silent.
SPEAKER_1: I'm gonna send you one.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, please do send me one, because I need to know kind of how to replicate this.
SPEAKER_2: I have some ideas kind of immediately off the bat.
SPEAKER_2: The question becomes, like, how does Dyson get it to be super...
SPEAKER_2: Okay, let's look at this.
SPEAKER_1: Magnets.
SPEAKER_1: Just fucking magnets.
SPEAKER_2: I think we could just...
SPEAKER_2: What if we just made magic fans?
SPEAKER_1: What power is it?
SPEAKER_2: The magic of the world around us.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_1: Is it like Tinkerbell?
SPEAKER_1: We just have to believe in being cool enough and we will achieve it?
SPEAKER_2: No, it's a fan that's powered by magical energy.
SPEAKER_2: We all have magical energy.
SPEAKER_2: It's called the Force.
SPEAKER_2: I can't believe we're still talking about Star Wars.
SPEAKER_2: No, it's not.
SPEAKER_2: It's D&D magic.
SPEAKER_2: Is that better?
SPEAKER_2: Do you like that better?
SPEAKER_2: Do you prefer D&D?
SPEAKER_2: Would you rather talk about Star Wars or D&D?
SPEAKER_2: Hey, Clair, would you rather talk about Star Wars or D&D?
SPEAKER_1: So I'm coming out with this new Star Wars expansion, fifth edition.
SPEAKER_1: It's going to be great.
SPEAKER_2: Clair?
SPEAKER_1: That's a thing, I know.
SPEAKER_2: There's a Star Wars made by...
SPEAKER_2: Anyway, it's fine.
SPEAKER_2: Fine, I guess we can't use magic.
SPEAKER_1: We can, I just want you to lay out the groundwork.
SPEAKER_1: If you're like magic, you gotta explain how it works.
SPEAKER_2: You simply cast spells through the use of specific magical words and a wand.
SPEAKER_1: So do I whisper this to the air and it forms?
SPEAKER_1: Does it take a physical form or is it just wind blowing around me?
SPEAKER_2: I guess it would be like a charmed object, right?
SPEAKER_2: It would be like an object that has like this charm applied to it that it creates cold air.
SPEAKER_1: So I just need to like charm my computer.
SPEAKER_1: So it expels cold air instead of warm air.
SPEAKER_1: And then I just like turn out.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it would go really well for your computer.
SPEAKER_2: My thing here is you just would have to be careful, right?
SPEAKER_2: You don't want to necessarily do it because it's easy for a spell to go wrong, right?
SPEAKER_2: You could accidentally misspeak or have the wrong tone.
SPEAKER_2: And instead of cool air, you get frigid freezing frosty air.
SPEAKER_1: This sounds very finicky.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that's the problem with magic is you could mess it up and cause major catastrophe.
SPEAKER_2: That's why most people aren't allowed to know about it.
SPEAKER_2: But I trust the listeners of Salt Cravings to use magic.
SPEAKER_2: Remember when those girls hexed the moon?
SPEAKER_2: That's not going to be Salt Cravings listeners.
SPEAKER_1: I do actually know about that.
SPEAKER_1: I know too much about witch talk as it's called.
SPEAKER_2: I started watching TikTok videos and it decided I'm in witch talk now.
SPEAKER_2: I don't really have any interest, but it put me there.
SPEAKER_2: Anyway, continue.
SPEAKER_1: The sorting hat of TikTok has assigned you witch.
SPEAKER_1: What are the other sorting houses of TikTok?
SPEAKER_2: There's so many.
SPEAKER_2: You would not believe the sorting houses there are.
SPEAKER_2: Because related to witch TikTok, I guess it's probably the same thing as cottagecore.
SPEAKER_2: This is all, to be clear, gay TikTok.
SPEAKER_2: Then there's straight TikTok, which thankfully I've not been pushed into.
SPEAKER_2: But it just recommends you stuff based on what it decides you want.
SPEAKER_2: And you know what?
SPEAKER_2: It's making me feel more confident about lack of ability to certain AI.
SPEAKER_1: Summon freezing air.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, that's what I was talking about.
SPEAKER_2: Do you have any ideas of how we could make a fan if we don't want to go the magic route?
SPEAKER_1: What if we glue a bunch of magnets together?
SPEAKER_1: That's like cheaper probably.
SPEAKER_1: And we just spin them around real fast.
SPEAKER_1: It's like a pulley system.
SPEAKER_1: You just sort of yank on a string over and over.
SPEAKER_1: You see what I'm doing, Brianna?
SPEAKER_1: You just sort of yank on a screen over and over.
SPEAKER_2: Yanking, yanking, yanking on that string.
SPEAKER_2: And that is powering the wind maker.
SPEAKER_1: The cold air.
SPEAKER_2: The wind maker cold air.
SPEAKER_1: I love the WMCA.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, the WMCA, the wind maker cold fan.
SPEAKER_2: Only by Salt Cravings Inc.
SPEAKER_1: What if we took like a space heater and then we turned it upside down?
SPEAKER_1: So like, you know, you turn the temperature to 30, but if you put it upside down, it's minus 30.
SPEAKER_2: That's smart.
SPEAKER_2: That's a good idea to do that.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that seems cheap and easy and workable.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, I've had a space here.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know why we didn't just do that.
SPEAKER_2: What if we did the same with like covers, right?
SPEAKER_2: Like we just turned covers or blankets inside out and then they produce cold, you know?
SPEAKER_1: Oh, it's like how the other side of the pillow is always cold.
SPEAKER_1: We just get a machine that extracts the cold from the side of the pillow, and then we turn it over again and it's cold again.
SPEAKER_1: Now that's magic.
SPEAKER_1: But what if we just like store the cold?
SPEAKER_1: What if, hey, what if we make a box and we just make it extract cold?
SPEAKER_2: Okay, and then we could like put food in it.
SPEAKER_1: Well, no, I wanna blow myself with this cold.
SPEAKER_1: Like, I don't wanna waste my cold box on food.
SPEAKER_1: That would be a dumb idea.
SPEAKER_2: It would be a dumb idea.
SPEAKER_2: Now, have we considered ice monsters?
SPEAKER_1: Monsters?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you know ice monsters?
SPEAKER_1: Do they hug you?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you could like probably like set up some sort of service with them where they like blow some cold air at you.
SPEAKER_2: You know, so like Uber, but for cold air, Uber.
SPEAKER_1: Do we just not pay them?
SPEAKER_1: Is that how it's like Uber?
SPEAKER_2: We pay them.
SPEAKER_1: They're just ice contractors.
SPEAKER_2: We pay them the same as Uber pays their employees, which as we all know is an ethical and fair wage.
SPEAKER_2: And clearly that's the idea here that we've decided to do.
SPEAKER_2: Just good and healthy for...
SPEAKER_1: Brianna, if we do the same model, then when they eventually get employee status, then they're going to have to shut down just like Uber.
SPEAKER_1: And I need cold air.
SPEAKER_1: I need cold air real bad, Brianna.
SPEAKER_1: I can't take the risk of these monsters reunionizing or something.
SPEAKER_1: That would be unmanageable.
SPEAKER_1: That would be intolerable.
SPEAKER_2: We just have to spend a lot of money preventing them from unionizing and lobbying the government.
SPEAKER_2: We're going to...
SPEAKER_2: Yes, this is the plan.
SPEAKER_2: We're going to prevent the Frost Giants from unionizing.
SPEAKER_2: And that'll help with the heat.
SPEAKER_1: We're going to become Frost Union Busters.
SPEAKER_1: Who are you going to call?
SPEAKER_1: Frost Union Busters.
SPEAKER_1: Do you want to talk about Star Wars again?
SPEAKER_1: Or do you have something else?
SPEAKER_2: I don't have any...
SPEAKER_2: Listen, let me tell you something.
SPEAKER_2: My brain, no thoughts.
SPEAKER_1: Only Star Wars.
SPEAKER_2: You know what it does have though?
SPEAKER_2: Submission.
SPEAKER_2: It has a craving submission in it.
SPEAKER_2: Craving.
SPEAKER_2: It's a craving.
SPEAKER_2: Craving.
SPEAKER_2: Fan craving.
SPEAKER_2: It's a craving.
SPEAKER_1: Unprompted even.
SPEAKER_2: Listen, I know I get it.
SPEAKER_2: I understand my role.
SPEAKER_1: You know what everyone craves.
SPEAKER_2: I know what everyone craves.
SPEAKER_2: It's my great jingle that I made up and am still doing.
SPEAKER_2: Love it.
SPEAKER_2: Gotta love it.
SPEAKER_2: This one comes to us on Twitter from FakePunkHalfTwink at Monster Pure who says, Hello at Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: I crave a smooth brain.
SPEAKER_2: No thoughts.
SPEAKER_2: Please fix this.
SPEAKER_2: Thanks.
SPEAKER_1: So, do you know, have you ever had like a belt sander or just like...
SPEAKER_2: Yes.
SPEAKER_2: But I'm, I know what you, I know where you're going with this, but I'm gonna cut us off right there.
SPEAKER_2: What if there was simply a way for the brain to smooth itself out?
SPEAKER_2: How do you think you smooth out a brain?
SPEAKER_1: Well, if it smooths itself out, it's like how the vagina cleans itself out, except the brain cleans out thoughts, which I think is just aging, but as you age, your brain gets rounder.
SPEAKER_2: We need it immediately.
SPEAKER_2: I think there's totally a way we could just mix up a sort of drink that could allow one's brain to clean itself and smooth itself out.
SPEAKER_1: Is it like a neti pot sort of thing where you just pour it up your nose?
SPEAKER_2: What do you think would be in the drink that would just help you clean out your brain?
SPEAKER_1: Hydrogen peroxide.
SPEAKER_2: Now that's a choice.
SPEAKER_1: Just put hydrogen peroxide into a neti pot.
SPEAKER_2: I was going to go more ephemeral, like some sort of...
SPEAKER_1: Your brain will be ephemeral and ethereal and probably like gaseous at the end of this.
SPEAKER_1: Sloshy, probably slurry-like.
SPEAKER_1: Even slurpy-like one could argue.
SPEAKER_2: Well, we don't want that.
SPEAKER_2: We just want it to be smoothed out.
SPEAKER_1: If you do the neti cup of peroxide, then you can just take a straw to your brain and suck out all the little lumps and you got to smooth the brain.
SPEAKER_2: Hey, everyone.
SPEAKER_2: I'm just body horror alert.
SPEAKER_2: We have a Salt Cravings body horror alert, everyone.
SPEAKER_2: I put that thing in the description for sure.
SPEAKER_2: We could make this kind of funny and silly and be like, oh, what sort of things would help you just empty yourself of thoughts?
SPEAKER_2: And we could say funny things like hot ladies.
SPEAKER_2: Haha, because you don't think when you see a hot girl and you're just like, I don't know what to say or do.
SPEAKER_2: You know, and so that would be like a funny joke thing to say.
SPEAKER_1: Hot ladies come and suck out your brains through the brain straw.
SPEAKER_2: I can't, let's just look at the craving again.
SPEAKER_2: In fact, it doesn't say I want to suck out my brain with a straw.
SPEAKER_2: This is why you got the hot lady to do it.
SPEAKER_2: No thoughts.
SPEAKER_1: Smooth brain, hot lady, suck out your brain.
SPEAKER_1: It's like brain vampires.
SPEAKER_1: Instead of the neck, they just fucking bite the top of your head.
SPEAKER_2: How have you decided to, instead of simply helping us smooth out this person's brain, you've gone much farther and decided that they have to suck out their brain with a straw.
SPEAKER_2: It's not what they want.
SPEAKER_2: They just, this person and all people want to smooth out.
SPEAKER_2: No, that's not.
SPEAKER_1: It's selective strawing.
SPEAKER_2: It might work.
SPEAKER_2: I guess you could just suck the lumps out.
SPEAKER_2: But maybe there's less horrifying ways.
SPEAKER_1: You missed my other one, which is hot lady vampire attached to your head instead of your neck.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, uh-huh.
SPEAKER_1: It's kind of the same except the straw is their mouth.
SPEAKER_2: Sure.
SPEAKER_1: Which is kind of just how vampires work.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, no, no, I do kind of understand what direction you're going in.
SPEAKER_2: I do kind of see the direction you're going in.
SPEAKER_2: And I'm saying, what if we just kind of changed course and didn't make this a body horror thing?
SPEAKER_1: You want to smooth your brain out, Brianna?
SPEAKER_1: How would you do it?
SPEAKER_1: I'll be over here with the hot lady sucking out my brain.
SPEAKER_2: I would simply, I would simply just, I would just go through the process of smooth brainification.
SPEAKER_1: You'd sign up for the government assigned process of smooth brainification.
SPEAKER_1: Now, now, I just have to wait one to two years.
SPEAKER_1: You have to go through a few consultations.
SPEAKER_2: I do kind of realize the corner I back, I started realizing the corner I back myself into.
SPEAKER_1: You have to see three therapists to make sure that you actually want a smooth brain.
SPEAKER_2: Clair, what I've unfortunately realized that we might be talking about here, and this is maybe why you were going the body horror route, is bimbofication or himbofication or thembofication or whatever gender imbofication you want to go, you want to talk about.
SPEAKER_1: Is himbo a gender now?
SPEAKER_2: And so I do, sure fucking is, dude.
SPEAKER_2: Seen some people with himbo as their gender.
SPEAKER_2: I'm simply saying maybe we should have gone the body horror route rather than talking about himbofication on our fun podcast.
SPEAKER_1: Let me introduce you to this lovely lady.
SPEAKER_1: Her name is Angela, and she is an angel.
SPEAKER_1: She will suck your brain out with a straw.
SPEAKER_1: It is a special angel straw.
SPEAKER_1: It smooths your brain.
SPEAKER_1: All right, well, you know, everybody give a round of applause to Angela.
SPEAKER_2: Great job.
SPEAKER_2: Excellent.
SPEAKER_2: All right.
SPEAKER_2: So we'll just send Angela off to our fan who needs it.
SPEAKER_2: Thank you.
SPEAKER_1: Sign up for the Angela email, and we will she will hunt you down.
SPEAKER_2: Thank you for the thank you for the submission.
SPEAKER_2: Thank you for the craving.
SPEAKER_2: We have solved it perfectly.
SPEAKER_2: Another another great job by us.
SPEAKER_2: Hell, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: See which craving you get.
SPEAKER_2: All right.
SPEAKER_2: I've rolled this dice.
SPEAKER_2: It seems to be coming up with the other craving that I brought.
SPEAKER_2: OK, all right.
SPEAKER_2: That's lucky.
SPEAKER_2: I tell you what, that's luck.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, the dice were on my side.
SPEAKER_1: You could have gotten the bimbofication option, but...
SPEAKER_2: Who's ready to play some blaze ball?
SPEAKER_1: All right, I'm going to go.
SPEAKER_2: No, stop.
SPEAKER_2: Now, I'm just going to briefly talk about blaze ball, and then I'll get into the craving.
SPEAKER_1: Can we skip forward to the craving?
SPEAKER_2: I just want to explain for the listeners who might not know what blaze ball is.
SPEAKER_2: Trust me, if they Google it, they're not going to get a good answer.
SPEAKER_1: It's bad baseball.
SPEAKER_2: No, it's simulated baseball.
SPEAKER_1: There you go.
SPEAKER_1: You explained it.
SPEAKER_2: I know.
SPEAKER_2: It's simulated fan driven baseball.
SPEAKER_2: It is like, yeah, all done through text simulators.
SPEAKER_2: There's like weird wacky names of players and teams.
SPEAKER_2: You can bet on matches, get coins, use those coins to buy votes, use votes to change the way the game is played the next season.
SPEAKER_2: Every season is a week.
SPEAKER_2: It's currently on hiatus.
SPEAKER_2: Hopefully by the time that this comes out, it will no longer be on hiatus, but right now it is.
SPEAKER_2: And this is why my particular craving today, which is based on Blaseball.
SPEAKER_2: Thank you, thank you, Blaseball.
SPEAKER_2: The commissioner is doing a great job, et cetera, et cetera.
SPEAKER_2: I want more fake sports, because I don't typically really care all that much about real sports, but fake sports, fake sports I love.
SPEAKER_2: My kind of top two fake sports, one was Blaseball.
SPEAKER_2: The other was this Minecraft competition that used to happen called Ultra Hardcore, where a bunch of these Minecraft YouTubers would face off and split into teams and try to be the last one standing in a Minecraft server where healing wasn't an option.
SPEAKER_2: So that was fun.
SPEAKER_2: It was sort of like Hunger Games, but Minecraft.
SPEAKER_2: Anyway, it was fun.
SPEAKER_2: It's a good, fun time.
SPEAKER_2: I like simulated, weird, nerdy sports, because I think it's fun.
SPEAKER_1: This explains your relationship with curling a lot.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, because curling is basically the nerdiest sport you can get while still being a real sport.
SPEAKER_2: So, Clair, what's our new fake sport?
SPEAKER_2: Let's come up with this simulated, fun, fake sport that we can be fans of.
SPEAKER_1: So, consider golf.
SPEAKER_1: Now, what if golf was wrestling?
SPEAKER_2: Oh, what?
SPEAKER_1: What if golf was wrestling?
SPEAKER_2: Now, this.
SPEAKER_2: Now, I just have a quick question.
SPEAKER_2: Just one question.
SPEAKER_2: How much space does this now take up?
SPEAKER_2: Because golf courses take up a lot of space and water and are bad generally for the environment.
SPEAKER_2: So like...
SPEAKER_1: No, it's just a ring.
SPEAKER_2: Let's talk about golf wrestling.
SPEAKER_2: What is golf wrestling?
SPEAKER_1: It's all scripted.
SPEAKER_2: So it's golf pro wrestling.
SPEAKER_1: Yes.
SPEAKER_2: I see.
SPEAKER_2: I understand now.
SPEAKER_2: Wrestling is a good, fake sport that I have not gotten into, but golf wrestling, I will absolutely get into.
SPEAKER_2: So are they trying to shoot a ball?
SPEAKER_1: So they do have clubs and it's not illegal to hit each other with these clubs.
SPEAKER_1: It's, you know, it's saved for the big moments, but most of it is, it's more about the tee-off, the giving offenses to your opponent to throw them off balance and inevitably tossing them out of the ring in some capacity.
SPEAKER_2: So it's sumo wrestling.
SPEAKER_1: We can add that one too.
SPEAKER_2: You know what?
SPEAKER_2: Why stop at three?
SPEAKER_2: How many sports can we get in here?
SPEAKER_2: I think we should have to hit a ball through a hoop.
SPEAKER_1: It's like pool, but you stand on the pool board and you kick the balls in the corner.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so it's like soccer too.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, yeah, it's like soccer pool.
SPEAKER_1: Sewel.
SPEAKER_2: Right.
SPEAKER_2: And it's also wrestling.
SPEAKER_1: Poggers.
SPEAKER_1: We're making poggers.
SPEAKER_2: This is Poggers the game.
SPEAKER_2: So it's still wrestling.
SPEAKER_2: You're still wrestling.
SPEAKER_2: What happens if you throw someone else in one of the pool sockets?
SPEAKER_1: That's like double points, but then their ally comes in.
SPEAKER_1: And usually when the ally comes in, they have double the strength and speed as the last one.
SPEAKER_1: So you really got to choose when you like, you know, you got to time it, right?
SPEAKER_2: This makes so much sense.
SPEAKER_2: Now, how small are you?
SPEAKER_2: How big are you?
SPEAKER_2: Are the balls?
SPEAKER_2: How big are the balls?
SPEAKER_2: Hey, Clair, how big are the balls?
SPEAKER_1: Haven't had this conversation with you in a while.
SPEAKER_1: They're like beach ball size, right?
SPEAKER_1: So that you could fit a whole person into the holes.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that makes sense.
SPEAKER_1: It's sort of also like those danger courses where people try not to fall off.
SPEAKER_2: Wipeout is what, yeah, that type of thing.
SPEAKER_2: And then I think the other thing that could be fun here, because I do want to get baseball in here, because baseball is my favorite non-curling sport, is I think you have to do a lap at some point in the game of the pool table or else you can't win.
SPEAKER_2: And here's how it works.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, oh, oh, sorry.
SPEAKER_2: Do you want to go or should I go?
SPEAKER_1: I want to see what you think of mine.
SPEAKER_1: It's as soon as you throw the person into the hole, you have to run from the teammate around a lap because the teammate is going to be right behind you, chasing you the whole time.
SPEAKER_2: Consider instead that it's a necessary win condition that you can do in parts where you have to, at some point in the match in order to win, cover the entirety of the board from one hole to another.
SPEAKER_2: And if you don't, and if you don't by the time you've gotten the last ball into the thing, you would have to run around then.
SPEAKER_2: And during that time, the opponent can start to grab the balls out of the holes and try and score for themselves.
SPEAKER_2: And so you have to get it done.
SPEAKER_2: You have to kind of weigh when to do it, when it's safe to do it, you know, that whole thing.
SPEAKER_1: And what do we call like the sport?
SPEAKER_2: So, baseball is baseball with an L in it.
SPEAKER_1: Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_2: But this is sort of a mix of sports, whereas baseball is just kind of one simulated sport.
SPEAKER_1: We can just call it Fortball.
SPEAKER_1: It's like football with an R.
SPEAKER_2: And people would get confused with Fortnite and think it's Fortnite.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, people will come out.
SPEAKER_1: They'll be like, yo, I'm gonna go see that new like Fortnite thing.
SPEAKER_1: My niece really loves Fortnite and the tickets were $500 and we had to buy it for her.
SPEAKER_1: And then we take $500 away from Fortnite.
SPEAKER_1: That's how that works.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, this is a great idea.
SPEAKER_2: So it's called, yeah, it's called Fortball.
SPEAKER_2: There's also Fort building involved.
SPEAKER_2: But that's like, that's like on a tie, you know.
SPEAKER_1: The best part about this sport is it has a tagline.
SPEAKER_1: It's Fortnite.
SPEAKER_1: The panic never stops.
SPEAKER_1: Wait, I said Fortnite.
SPEAKER_1: You said Fortnite.
SPEAKER_2: Which is also true.
SPEAKER_2: We're gonna get sued.
SPEAKER_1: Damn it.
SPEAKER_1: Fortnite is gonna sue us now.
SPEAKER_2: Fortball.
SPEAKER_2: It's Real Sportball.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that's it.
SPEAKER_1: That's the tagline.
SPEAKER_2: I would love to play this game.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, I wouldn't because I'm disabled, but theoretically I would love to play this game.
SPEAKER_1: Theoretically would love to be a sports person.
SPEAKER_2: Absolutely agreed.
SPEAKER_2: With all of these cravings settled, there's only one craving left.
SPEAKER_2: And that's yours.
SPEAKER_2: And so I'm asking, would you...
SPEAKER_2: Tell me your final...
SPEAKER_1: I can do that.
SPEAKER_2: Craving.
SPEAKER_1: So my final...
SPEAKER_1: So my final craving is...
SPEAKER_1: It's been five months, I think, or six.
SPEAKER_1: I don't remember anymore of lockdown.
SPEAKER_1: And one of the...
SPEAKER_1: Woo!
SPEAKER_1: Party!
SPEAKER_1: And one of the things that I had been wanting to do, one of the selfish, more selfish things, is get tattoos.
SPEAKER_1: I am craving so many tattoos.
SPEAKER_1: Oh my god.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, I feel this, I understand this.
SPEAKER_2: There were definitely tattoos.
SPEAKER_2: Thankfully, I hadn't decided on one exactly before.
SPEAKER_2: So I'm still sort of thinking.
SPEAKER_2: But that's rough.
SPEAKER_2: Do you want to tell us any of the tattoos you wanted?
SPEAKER_1: Well, I told myself, when I graduated, I was going to get two forearm tattoos as a sort of fuck you to academia.
SPEAKER_1: Because if you get forearm tattoos, your hireability immediately goes down.
SPEAKER_1: But I was going to be like, yeah, so these are my forearm tattoos based on math and computer science.
SPEAKER_2: Incredible.
SPEAKER_1: And so I really want those.
SPEAKER_1: And then I wanted to finish and redo my back, which is going to be completely space-themed.
SPEAKER_1: Just a bunch of leg tattoos.
SPEAKER_1: They were all inspired by friends.
SPEAKER_1: I've decided all my friends are going to get a leg tattoo in some capacity, eventually at some point in my life.
SPEAKER_1: And by that I mean, I am getting a tattoo on my leg.
SPEAKER_1: Come on, I'm going to go around to my friends and be like, hold still, I'm putting a fucking tattoo on you.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_1: You wake up, I am over top of you in your bed with gloves on and a machine just whirring quietly.
SPEAKER_1: And you look up and I've drawn a little salt shaker on you and I'm like, oh sup.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, these are all very cool tattoo ideas.
SPEAKER_2: You know, it can't get sick with Corona drones.
SPEAKER_1: What?
SPEAKER_1: Oh.
SPEAKER_2: What if we had tattoo drones?
SPEAKER_1: What if we just pushed the market away from like people was instead robots?
SPEAKER_1: Now, I'm glad we've returned to the core of Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: I want to mix it up a bit.
SPEAKER_2: I think these robots are Drone by tattoo artists.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, so you get like a little screen that you can talk to and it has their face on it.
SPEAKER_1: So you're like video calling while you're getting tattooed.
SPEAKER_2: We've successfully zoomified tattoos.
SPEAKER_1: The zoom sponsored droid tattoo.
SPEAKER_1: Every tattoo actually comes with like a little zoom watermark on the bottom.
SPEAKER_1: It's real great.
SPEAKER_2: Do you think we could convince them to only use drones for this purpose?
SPEAKER_2: No other uses of drones.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, drones are illegal except for giving tattoos now.
SPEAKER_2: It's true.
SPEAKER_2: That is their only purpose.
SPEAKER_1: This is what querying drones was all about, actually.
SPEAKER_2: Shut the fuck up.
SPEAKER_2: Fuck up.
SPEAKER_2: How dare you bring that back into my brain?
SPEAKER_2: I want a smooth brain now.
SPEAKER_1: Smooth brain put into a drone and then we tattoo the brain.
SPEAKER_2: Fine.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, we can consider some non drone options.
SPEAKER_1: No, I'm full drone now.
SPEAKER_2: Wait, you're drone?
SPEAKER_1: Only on my mother's side.
SPEAKER_2: Insert joke about women's labor.
SPEAKER_2: We're on the jokes today.
SPEAKER_2: I tell you, this one's one of our funniest.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so what if we could go farther and just do full robot bodies or, you know, just like, yeah, full.
SPEAKER_1: Do you know temporary tattoos?
SPEAKER_2: Sorry.
SPEAKER_1: Temporary tattoos where you just stick them on.
SPEAKER_2: VR.
SPEAKER_2: I was like, what if you could control the robot by like you move and the robot moves how you were moving?
SPEAKER_2: And it's like VR.
SPEAKER_2: That sounds like you can really.
SPEAKER_1: You hit one nerve and you and suddenly you just have, I guess, like ink everywhere.
SPEAKER_1: I was going to tattoo my eyeball, but then I flinched and now I don't have that eye anymore.
SPEAKER_2: Well, you know, it's probably fine.
SPEAKER_1: Look, everything's fine until something goes wrong.
SPEAKER_2: That's wisdom.
SPEAKER_2: That's what that is.
SPEAKER_2: That's wisdom.
SPEAKER_2: That's the sort of wisdom I expect from a very, from an ancient tattooed genius like yourself.
SPEAKER_2: So temporary tattoos, how would we work that in?
SPEAKER_1: What if there was a permanent temporary tattoo?
SPEAKER_2: So it's like they pre-do it, right?
SPEAKER_2: And then it digs into your flesh when it gets stuck.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I guess so.
SPEAKER_1: I guess it's just sort of like it wraps around you.
SPEAKER_1: And then over the course of like, I mean, we'll say six hours because that's about the time it takes for like an average, I guess, bigger tattoo or more detailed.
SPEAKER_1: And it just slowly, like very, very, very slowly needles into you so that you never actually feel it.
SPEAKER_1: In fact, it's the speed of the needle that makes it hurt less, I'm pretty sure.
SPEAKER_1: But we're not going to think about that.
SPEAKER_1: It goes real slow and over the course of six hours, as long as you don't fuck anything up, you will have a permanent temporary tattoo.
SPEAKER_2: How do we make it dig in?
SPEAKER_1: Imagine if a bunch of spikes came out of the ground in a uniform pattern or even better, a better imagery, CPU chips.
SPEAKER_1: But just slowly digging in further and further.
SPEAKER_2: Cool, normal.
SPEAKER_1: You got to deliver the ink somehow.
SPEAKER_2: Now I know they can use laser to remove tattoos, but could they use laser to create tattoos?
SPEAKER_1: I mean, if you turn the laser up high enough, yeah, sure.
SPEAKER_1: It's just like how you can use a knife.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I guess.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, yeah, Clair, you can consider...
SPEAKER_1: We just laser tattoos.
SPEAKER_2: Simply give yourself tattoos.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, simply learn how to tattoo.
SPEAKER_2: Study that whole thing.
SPEAKER_2: Get really good at it.
SPEAKER_2: And then just do it on yourself.
SPEAKER_2: And I'm sure it won't go wrong at all.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, that's how a lot of people start.
SPEAKER_1: If you don't have a banana.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, I think you probably start on the banana or...
SPEAKER_2: I've seen oranges used as well.
SPEAKER_2: And I'm pretty sure you start there and then you would tattoo a person.
SPEAKER_1: I'll consider it, Brianna.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, you're just gonna jump in.
SPEAKER_1: You're just gonna jump in.
SPEAKER_1: Like with an orange, I feel compelled to eat it.
SPEAKER_1: I don't feel compelled to tattoo it.
SPEAKER_1: But when I look at myself in the mirror, I feel compelled to tattoo myself, not necessarily eat myself.
SPEAKER_1: So you see, that is the logic I play here.
SPEAKER_2: I think if you really want to jump in, you have to really commit.
SPEAKER_2: And I think you have to do the most complex tattoo first.
SPEAKER_1: Only the true tattoo artists really start off doing the most complex tattoos on themselves.
SPEAKER_1: That's how you know they're true tattooers.
SPEAKER_2: If you have to practice, you're a fake tattooerist.
SPEAKER_1: Only the best are the tattooists.
SPEAKER_2: What if you could combine all of the solutions that we did?
SPEAKER_2: And robot you could...
SPEAKER_1: Turn yourself into an orange.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, that's different.
SPEAKER_2: That's a different thing.
SPEAKER_2: That's a...
SPEAKER_2: Wow, that would be a very annoying orange.
SPEAKER_1: That probably never aged well.
SPEAKER_1: We're just going to get a bunch of annoying orange clients, and that really is the best way to test if you can withstand your clientele.
SPEAKER_1: And who knows, maybe the oranges pay well.
SPEAKER_2: I don't think the orange knows what money is.
SPEAKER_1: Teach the orange what capitalism is.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, you gotta have magic tattoos that can make something come alive.
SPEAKER_2: Make an orange come alive, turn into the annoying orange, and then teach it capitalism.
SPEAKER_2: And that would be messed up, right?
SPEAKER_2: A, you know?
SPEAKER_2: Do we have any more jokes?
SPEAKER_1: Nope, no more jokes.
SPEAKER_1: Just, just outros.
SPEAKER_1: You could follow us on Instagram and Facebook and Twitter at saltcravings.com.
SPEAKER_1: That's not it.
SPEAKER_1: Saltcravings, at Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_1: You can listen to this whole podcast on saltcravings.com.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know how many people do that.
SPEAKER_1: I set up the RSS feed so you don't have to, but hey, you can also do that, which I guess I've never said.
SPEAKER_1: You can also submit your salt cravings.
SPEAKER_1: You can submit your cravings at submissions at saltcravings.com or you can rate us.
SPEAKER_2: We promise not all solutions will be body horror.
SPEAKER_2: I promise.
SPEAKER_1: Maybe body horror adjacent.
SPEAKER_1: You can also give us a rating on iTunes.
SPEAKER_1: I don't think Google Play and whatever else.
SPEAKER_1: Ratings are a thing.
SPEAKER_2: Give us a rating or a review.
SPEAKER_2: That'd be great.
SPEAKER_2: Donate some money to a good cause.
SPEAKER_1: Yep, those are in the description.
SPEAKER_2: Do we have anything else to say?
SPEAKER_2: Actually, you know what, Clair?
SPEAKER_2: I have just one more thing to say.
SPEAKER_2: The problem with the Clone Wars is that they aren't certainly what story they're telling.
SPEAKER_1: Wait until Blaseball enters the Star Wars universe.
SPEAKER_2: And the problem with it is they're not certain if the story that they're telling is one of the Call of the Republic or one against an external threat because we know the external threat.
SPEAKER_3: Hootsweet, hootsweet, hootsweet, hootsweet, hootsweet, hootsweet, hootsweet.
SPEAKER_1: I should check the emails more.
SPEAKER_3: Hootsweet, hootsweet, hootsweet.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, maybe I can just...
SPEAKER_1: Well, maybe if a certain fan base sent in more emails, we wouldn't have to not check our emails so often.
SPEAKER_1: It's clearly the fans' fault.
SPEAKER_2: Simply submit cravings if you want us to listen to you.
SPEAKER_1: Simply talk and we'll actually listen, maybe.
SPEAKER_2: If I were a fan of Salt Cravings, I would simply submit a craving.
SPEAKER_2: Ripped to fans of Salt Cravings, but I'm different.
SPEAKER_1: I'm not like the other fans of Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_1: I'm half of Salt Cravings.