SPEAKER_1: Hello, everyone, and welcome back.
SPEAKER_1: We are back here watching the Cravings Stocks again today at the Salt Cravings Stock Exchange.
SPEAKER_1: My name is Brianna.
SPEAKER_1: I'm a well-known economist, Cravings economist in the area.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, and my name's Clair.
SPEAKER_2: I'm the fast-talking Cravens investor.
SPEAKER_2: I know all the best Cravings to invest in and the ones that you should pull out.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, absolutely.
SPEAKER_1: We are here.
SPEAKER_1: We are experts about Cravings and the Cravings Stocks.
SPEAKER_1: As you can see, we're seeing, I think today we're seeing some fluctuations.
SPEAKER_1: Some people are craving some things and they're not craving other things.
SPEAKER_1: And we've decided to base the entire economy on this.
SPEAKER_1: So-
SPEAKER_2: I mean, the whole Crave economy is like in flux right now.
SPEAKER_2: And people are just like losing money left and right.
SPEAKER_2: We're, sorry, losing Cravings left and right.
SPEAKER_2: And some people are just getting Cravings thrown at them.
SPEAKER_2: They just can't stop it.
SPEAKER_2: It's a pile of Cravings.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, there's, you can see here that some people have more Cravings than they could possibly use.
SPEAKER_1: Whereas other people are having Cravings just ripped from their hands.
SPEAKER_1: But unfortunately, there's no way for us to do anything about this.
SPEAKER_2: You know, I even heard that Crave Kisos got two billion Cravings recently.
SPEAKER_1: I, yes, I believe I also heard that.
SPEAKER_1: It was something, something along those lines.
SPEAKER_2: Anyways, you know what we do to people with too many Cravings?
SPEAKER_1: Well, of course I know, but, but please, please tell it to the people.
SPEAKER_2: We ask them politely to do something.
SPEAKER_2: And then we, and then we, and then we, and then we say, please.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, and then sometimes we vote.
SPEAKER_1: And that's the extent of anything that we're capable of doing.
SPEAKER_2: Voting is the only way that you can make the cravings change hands.
SPEAKER_2: It's, it's, it, no one has ever thought of a better way.
SPEAKER_2: It's weird.
SPEAKER_1: There's literally nothing else that anyone can do.
SPEAKER_1: And if anyone tries to tell you that there's something else that they can do, they're lying to you and trying to get you to be involved with anti-craving activists who want all cravings to be destroyed.
SPEAKER_1: You want to take your cravings, the ones that you love and believe in over other people's lives.
SPEAKER_2: Some people's cravings are just so much more important than other people's lives, obviously.
SPEAKER_2: We wouldn't want to remove their cravings from them.
SPEAKER_2: That would be a horde.
SPEAKER_1: Of course.
SPEAKER_1: We condemn everything that is anti-craving, everything that uses violence to talk about cravings.
SPEAKER_1: We don't use violence.
SPEAKER_2: We have never talked about it.
SPEAKER_2: We have never done one craving that involved violence at all.
SPEAKER_1: And we have never done any cravings that involved the oppression of people, that we never solved a craving.
SPEAKER_2: We don't talk about oppression.
SPEAKER_2: We've never talked about oppression.
SPEAKER_1: We certainly never-
SPEAKER_2: Dystopias aren't real, Brianna.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, we've also definitely never solved a craving in a way that would theoretically or potentially harm someone in any way.
SPEAKER_1: That is not our business here.
SPEAKER_1: Our business is ideas and is spotlighting some cravings.
SPEAKER_1: So, Clair, I think today we're going to spotlight some of our favorite cravings.
SPEAKER_1: Some of the ones that are doing particularly well in the stocks, the craving stocks.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I've been following this one craving for a couple weeks now.
SPEAKER_2: I'm sure you're very familiar with this, Brianna.
SPEAKER_2: Because I got into Blaseball a couple weeks ago.
SPEAKER_2: Well, I should say, after watching enough of Twitter, talk about Blaseball, and I don't even remember what it was.
SPEAKER_2: I think I was just like, the week was starting.
SPEAKER_2: And so that means like everything gets reset.
SPEAKER_2: And I was like, I guess if I'm going to get into it, this is the time.
SPEAKER_2: And then I played Blaseball for a week, and I was like, oh, cool.
SPEAKER_2: Like I can, it tells you the percentage of somebody winning.
SPEAKER_2: So you can just sort of put your money on a thing and do to a random, how random walk and how math works.
SPEAKER_2: You could just get more and more money.
SPEAKER_2: I was like, oh, I'll use like 20% of my money to influence the elections.
SPEAKER_2: And then I will use more money next time to help my team even more.
SPEAKER_2: And I'll just like play for two weeks.
SPEAKER_2: And then I learned that Blaseball has an eat the rich rule where all of my money got taken from me, which basically made me stop playing Blaseball.
SPEAKER_2: But I realized what I liked about Blaseball.
SPEAKER_2: I want a Blaseball tapper.
SPEAKER_2: I want a Blaseball idle game.
SPEAKER_2: I downloaded two idle games after I was like, I'm not into Blaseball anymore.
SPEAKER_2: And I don't like either of them either.
SPEAKER_2: And I realized the beautiful thing about Blaseball is you look at it once an hour, and then you can't do anything with it anymore.
SPEAKER_2: Like you can watch the games, but I'm going to be real, I did not.
SPEAKER_2: I get that people like doing that.
SPEAKER_2: It was not very amusing to me to just watch the games.
SPEAKER_2: And you just basically see your money, your number gets bigger, you know, just like a tapper.
SPEAKER_2: That's the point of like cookie clicker, or what was the ones that I downloaded?
SPEAKER_2: I wanted the sci-fi ones.
SPEAKER_2: One of them was about building a bigger universe.
SPEAKER_2: One of them was about shooting monsters in a tank.
SPEAKER_2: I liked the universe one more.
SPEAKER_2: So I've been craving a Blaseball tapper, or just an exponential tapper, rather than tap as fast as you can.
SPEAKER_2: I don't want to constantly be tapping.
SPEAKER_2: I want to look at it once an hour at most, and then ignore it.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, I can introduce you to the two best kind of clicker games that I have on my phone.
SPEAKER_1: One is Egg Inc.
SPEAKER_1: It's all about making eggs.
SPEAKER_1: This one, I don't know.
SPEAKER_1: It's like, well, you have chickens, right?
SPEAKER_1: I like it in the way that it doesn't feel super exploitative in terms of it's like, you know, if you want to pay money model.
SPEAKER_2: Right, that was another thing I really liked about Blaseball.
SPEAKER_2: There was no money, there was no real money involved.
SPEAKER_1: That's one of the benefits of Blaseball.
SPEAKER_1: I'm subscribed to their Patreon, but that's about it.
SPEAKER_1: But it does have some weird shit, like one of the things that you can buy is like union busting and stuff.
SPEAKER_1: It's like kind of a fucking shitty capitalist simulator.
SPEAKER_1: The other one that I liked a lot more, but I just beat, I think, too quickly.
SPEAKER_1: There's a crazy taxi clicker game.
SPEAKER_1: And that one's fun in that it just has some like cool characters, like the drivers have little phrases and characterizations, and they're kind of, some of them are fun.
SPEAKER_1: They're canon non-binary characters, which is wild to me.
SPEAKER_2: What in, wait, what is this game again?
SPEAKER_1: It is called-
SPEAKER_2: Crazy Taxi?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, so Crazy Taxi, I mean, is an old Sega game, but they have a specific clicker game that's Crazy Taxi Tycoon or whatever.
SPEAKER_1: And it just is basically you and a whole bunch of taxi drivers trying to beat Future Uber at being the best taxi company and just smashing up the entire roadways, crashing into cars, destroying cop cars, doing everything you can to get your fares in on time to beat Future Uber.
SPEAKER_2: God, some of these things sound good.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, no, it's kind of a fun, like there's something charming, I think, about it.
SPEAKER_1: There's definitely, I think the characters are fun and the world is kind of like corny punk, you know?
SPEAKER_1: But it's like vaguely charming.
SPEAKER_1: And I had fun playing it.
SPEAKER_1: I think it's all right in terms of like, oh yeah, you check in every hour.
SPEAKER_1: I did definitely play it that way.
SPEAKER_1: So I don't know.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, those are my recommendations.
SPEAKER_1: But all that aside, we do need a Blaseball clicker game, because I think for me, the appeal of Blaseball is similar-ish to the appeal of the clicker game, but it's so much more like for me in terms of like about like, oh yeah, I'm gonna cheer for this team, and I'm gonna like watch these games and get invested in like this sports way.
SPEAKER_1: But I do think the idea of a Blaseball clicker game is a very good idea.
SPEAKER_2: I was thinking about this.
SPEAKER_2: I was trying to like, well, I realized that the power of Blaseball is in order to win at Blaseball, you literally have to be part of the community.
SPEAKER_2: The thing about like Blaseball was I'm gonna be real.
SPEAKER_2: I never truly was that interested in joining a Discord to talk about Harambe Light Tapper or whatever the names of the players are.
SPEAKER_1: We're gonna have to put some respect on the Blaseball players' fucking names.
SPEAKER_1: Fucking Dominic Marijuana and Jessica Telephone have earned your respect.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know who those are, nor do I care.
SPEAKER_2: But yeah, that's what I mean.
SPEAKER_2: And I think it's cool that the community is formed.
SPEAKER_2: I think it's cool that there are like so many fan artists, that there's like entire Discord's talking, but like that's not what I went into wanting.
SPEAKER_2: And so that is I think the biggest reason why it was not for me.
SPEAKER_2: But I was trying to reconcile like, okay, how could we make a tapper that promotes community?
SPEAKER_2: And then I was like, oh wait, am I remaking Farmville?
SPEAKER_1: I think there is a Farmville-esque quality to it.
SPEAKER_2: Farmville, but it's in a baseball stadium.
SPEAKER_1: We all know that the Blaseball gods and the Blaseball commissioner are doing a great job.
SPEAKER_1: And everyone involved in Blaseball is doing a great job.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, what is the meme behind that?
SPEAKER_2: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
SPEAKER_2: What is the meaning behind that?
SPEAKER_2: I've seen it tweeted like twice now, and it's on a banner.
SPEAKER_1: It's a meme to say the Blaseball commissioner is doing a great job.
SPEAKER_1: Because the meme is that you can't criticize the Blaseball commissioner because it's not allowed.
SPEAKER_1: Well, he's doing a great job.
SPEAKER_1: And also the joke is it's just an unpaid intern being forced to do it.
SPEAKER_1: The joke of Blaseball is, of course, that Blaseball is unethical, right?
SPEAKER_1: The whole thing is these players are forced to play game upon game with no break for your amusement.
SPEAKER_1: What's it say on the Blaseball homepage?
SPEAKER_1: It says...
SPEAKER_1: Let me find the Blaseball homepage just to read for you.
SPEAKER_1: Blaseball is baseball at your mercy, baseball perfected.
SPEAKER_1: Our players are inhuman.
SPEAKER_1: They play day and night, rain or shine.
SPEAKER_1: They never grow sick.
SPEAKER_1: They never tire.
SPEAKER_1: This is our gift to you, the fans.
SPEAKER_1: We hear your prayers.
SPEAKER_2: But like some of them die.
SPEAKER_1: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_2: That's...
SPEAKER_2: Okay, they do retire then.
SPEAKER_1: What?
SPEAKER_1: Yes, of course.
SPEAKER_1: We hear your prayers.
SPEAKER_2: So they do retire.
SPEAKER_2: This is false advertising.
SPEAKER_2: I'm gonna sue Blaseball.
SPEAKER_1: Here's the thing, right?
SPEAKER_2: Death is just extra retirement.
SPEAKER_1: There's this entire kind of subplot to Blaseball that's happening that is like showing the way that people, that fandom expects sports to run is unethical, right?
SPEAKER_1: That sports fandom expects sports to run is like unethical and unreasonable.
SPEAKER_1: And that the way that commissioners and people in charge of different sports leagues is unethical.
SPEAKER_2: Blaseball is basically, I've seen it compared to, and I like this comparison, I've seen it compared to a legacy game.
SPEAKER_2: And I also think having a legacy part of a tapper would be very funny.
SPEAKER_1: So, so my idea for this tapper is what if instead of playing against each other and us all fighting each other, Blaseball united.
SPEAKER_2: Community tapping.
SPEAKER_1: This is what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_1: What if we weren't, our teams divided fighting each other, but we were fighting the corporate, we were fighting the corporate owners of Blaseball as a team.
SPEAKER_1: And so when we tap, we, I don't know, throw baseballs, Blaseballs, I guess, at the corporate owners and try to overpower them so that we may play Blaseball eternal.
SPEAKER_2: We can unionize and get, what would be the name of the unionized Blaseball team?
SPEAKER_1: So there is actually a, I guess, there is a Blaseball union that is basically constantly like the Blaseball Players Union, which the description is, we are all love Blaseball.
SPEAKER_1: The official account for the Blaseball Players Union at Blaseball Commissioners doing a great job.
SPEAKER_1: We just like to stop dying, which is like, so good.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, so it's the Blaseball Immortals.
SPEAKER_2: That's the union team.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Of the Blaseball Immortals.
SPEAKER_2: And that's what the tapper is called.
SPEAKER_2: It's Blaseball Immortal.
SPEAKER_1: Blaseball, uh, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Blaseball is one.
SPEAKER_2: Blaseball for one.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, Blaseball.
SPEAKER_1: Blaseball.
SPEAKER_1: You got it.
SPEAKER_2: You can do it.
SPEAKER_1: Blaseball for one, and one for Blaseball.
SPEAKER_1: And here's what I'm thinking.
SPEAKER_1: The tapper, the community is trying to work together.
SPEAKER_1: We can all be players of Blaseball, right?
SPEAKER_1: We all make our own Blaseball players.
SPEAKER_2: The thing that everyone wanted from Blaseball was to play Blaseball.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, that is definitely what I got from Blaseball.
SPEAKER_1: We can all be Blaseball players rising up against the Blaseball gods, and together, as a community, we can make strategic decisions to try and defeat the Blaseball gods.
SPEAKER_1: And at the end of every week, then the story progresses, right?
SPEAKER_1: It is like a legacy game in that way.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, and I also want to keep the once-an-hour thing.
SPEAKER_2: That is genuinely probably my favorite thing, is looking at it for once an hour.
SPEAKER_2: I think it's so easy, right?
SPEAKER_2: Once an hour, you get a three-minute window where you can take your batting turn, and for three minutes, you can tap.
SPEAKER_2: You get your three...
SPEAKER_2: And it's anywhere, if it's the end of the hour, you can tap for three minutes, and then the hour rolls over, and your three minutes are given back.
SPEAKER_2: Again, that was one thing.
SPEAKER_2: It wasn't like, I bet, and then an hour from now, from when I bet, it was every hour on the dot, a new sort of betting thing started.
SPEAKER_2: So you get your thing reloaded, and there's no money, you can't buy more taps.
SPEAKER_2: You can't, no, you're not allowed.
SPEAKER_2: You get as many taps as you can possibly do for a three-minute window every hour, and that's it.
SPEAKER_1: Now, my main concern with having everyone be at the same hour is that's gonna slow that shit down so fucking bad.
SPEAKER_1: So that is my only concern.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, well, if you're concerned about the server load, I'll tell you right now, there's a smart way to develop this as a developer.
SPEAKER_2: I can tell you, I can already, I'm a junior, and I'm not actually a junior developer anymore.
SPEAKER_2: I can tell you, there's an easy way to make this not destroy a server completely.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so then never mind.
SPEAKER_1: Let's do it.
SPEAKER_1: Let's, yeah, every hour on the hour, we all must tap to go up to bat, and once we play enough Blaseball, we will conquer Blaseball.
SPEAKER_2: What are we tapping?
SPEAKER_2: Because like, for example, in the, I don't know about your games, but in the Galaxy game I was making, what I was making was matter.
SPEAKER_2: Every time I tapped, little matter particles happen, and then if two matter particles collide, I get points.
SPEAKER_2: The UI sucked, but it was probably one of the best tappers I found.
SPEAKER_2: And then there was one that was like a tank, and it was just shooting, which I guess is, you know, that's pretty generic.
SPEAKER_1: My two were like, you would tap at specific places on the screen to either pick up customers for driving your taxi and stuff like that, or, and in the other one was you would like hold the button down or tap really fast if you wanted to, you could just hold the button down to breed chicken.
SPEAKER_2: Not to be very particular with this, but one of them was like, you could just press a button and it will automatically do it for you.
SPEAKER_2: And to me, that's like, why am I playing this game?
SPEAKER_2: I want to be tapping, but also I want to tap anywhere on the screen.
SPEAKER_2: Like I don't want to be thinking about, I don't even want to like look at the screen sometimes.
SPEAKER_2: Like I just want to like be tapping.
SPEAKER_2: Like I could use maybe five fingers at once and tap on the screen wherever.
SPEAKER_2: So what are we doing though?
SPEAKER_1: So you know how the core of any baseball slash place ball game is pitching, right?
SPEAKER_1: Because that's really, that's really, there's no one more important on that field than a pitcher, really, if you think about it.
SPEAKER_2: What about the catcher?
SPEAKER_1: What's the catcher do?
SPEAKER_1: No, tell me, what's the catcher do?
SPEAKER_2: They catch the ball so that the game doesn't take 10 billion years.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, but you know what the pitcher does?
SPEAKER_1: The pitcher can get everyone out.
SPEAKER_1: If the pitcher pitches a perfect game, no one else on their team has to do their job.
SPEAKER_1: That is just true.
SPEAKER_2: That's true, you know?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that's true.
SPEAKER_1: It's really fucked up.
SPEAKER_1: And so we should just all be pitchers, right?
SPEAKER_1: The best way to fight back is to all pitch balls.
SPEAKER_1: And so I think when you tap, you pitch.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, you're like winding up.
SPEAKER_2: At the end of the hour, you're gonna make the perfect pitch.
SPEAKER_2: And you are winding up the energy.
SPEAKER_2: Everyone's contributing.
SPEAKER_1: And the reason why it's rapid tapping is because you're not just pitching one ball.
SPEAKER_1: You have so many balls in that glove.
SPEAKER_1: You are winding up.
SPEAKER_1: You've been just picking up the balls, putting them into your massive huge glove because that's Blaseball.
SPEAKER_2: Right, you're gonna throw all the balls at once, and then you're gonna get all of the outs, and you're just gonna end the game because you threw all the balls at once in the game, and then the game is over because they couldn't hit any of the balls.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I mean, I think it's that.
SPEAKER_1: And also, you know, in general, I think, what are you really throwing it at, right?
SPEAKER_1: Because you're not throwing it at another Blaseball player, you're throwing it at the Blaseball gods, right?
SPEAKER_1: So maybe you're just throwing them into the kind of void, and it just, like, is, you know, and you're just trying to see how many strikes you can get.
SPEAKER_2: Brianna, we're gonna use Blaseball to attack and dethrone God.
SPEAKER_1: And you would not believe how many balls I can attack and dethrone God.
SPEAKER_2: Uh, do you wanna tell me how the Cravonomy is going?
SPEAKER_1: Let me be honest with you, I don't know how good it's looking, but you know what I can tell you?
SPEAKER_1: The numbers, they're just getting bigger than before.
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_2: And...
SPEAKER_1: Have you seen bigger than before?
SPEAKER_2: Is this a show?
SPEAKER_1: No?
SPEAKER_1: Okay, so we were talking before we started recording about tasty videos.
SPEAKER_2: Oh no...
SPEAKER_1: And also, there's kind of one that's adjacent to that, which is worse, called Five Minute Crafts.
SPEAKER_1: And there's one particular Five Minute Craft that has made people kind of lose it.
SPEAKER_1: And myself included.
SPEAKER_1: And I'm just gonna send you a link to it.
SPEAKER_1: And if you just wanna watch that real quick, I'll also link it in the description.
SPEAKER_2: Alright, I'm gonna watch that now.
SPEAKER_1: Honestly, do you wanna sync up this watch?
SPEAKER_2: Sure.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, it's paused.
SPEAKER_2: I'm turning the audio down.
SPEAKER_2: Hey, content warning for loud audio.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, three, two, one, click.
SPEAKER_1: Alright.
SPEAKER_2: Alright.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, it's...
SPEAKER_2: Alright.
SPEAKER_1: No, you think it's done, don't you?
SPEAKER_2: No.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, I've seen something like this before.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_2: So we've gotten two days so far.
SPEAKER_1: Alright.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, it's smaller.
SPEAKER_2: This is just gonna be the dinosaur egg.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I mean, that's kind of what I expected.
SPEAKER_2: That's the whole thing.
SPEAKER_2: I was expecting them to put like a...
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so what it was, they made a blue egg that was rubbery.
SPEAKER_2: I was expecting them to like put down a rainbow of eggs.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, no, they just made a blue egg.
SPEAKER_1: It's important to note, it's also bigger than before.
SPEAKER_1: So that's important.
SPEAKER_2: It did just say in big text, bigger than before.
SPEAKER_1: It said it twice throughout the video.
SPEAKER_2: Now, the context makes me think, it's like, okay, why do you want to do this?
SPEAKER_2: Right?
SPEAKER_2: Okay, cool fidget toy maybe.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know, right?
SPEAKER_2: Like, no, you know what?
SPEAKER_2: I just want my eggs to be fucking bigger.
SPEAKER_2: I just want bigger eggs.
SPEAKER_2: I want to cook with these blue big ass eggs.
SPEAKER_1: Like, it's just my, here's some of my favorite things about this particular one.
SPEAKER_1: One, the just outrageous waste of resources.
SPEAKER_1: That's so much maple syrup to waste on this stupid egg project.
SPEAKER_2: I didn't even think about that.
SPEAKER_2: That was like a cup of maple syrup.
SPEAKER_1: Another favorite thing about it is, it's five-minute crafts that take three days.
SPEAKER_1: And another favorite thing about it is it would stink like shit.
SPEAKER_1: It would stink so fucking bad.
SPEAKER_1: Like, that's vinegar eggs, maple syrup, with water that had been left out for three days.
SPEAKER_1: And also just bigger than before.
SPEAKER_1: Like, bigger than before.
SPEAKER_1: Why are you doing it bigger than before?
SPEAKER_2: Bigger than before?
SPEAKER_1: My craving isn't necessarily for bigger than before, because I think it's already perfect as it is.
SPEAKER_1: I would never do it.
SPEAKER_1: I would never even try it.
SPEAKER_1: But I think it's perfect as it is.
SPEAKER_1: But my question is, Clair, if we were to make a five-minute crafts video, what are some of the five-minute crafts we would do?
SPEAKER_2: Now, I have a very important question.
SPEAKER_2: Does it have to actually take five minutes?
SPEAKER_1: This one took three days.
SPEAKER_1: Of course the fuck it doesn't have to.
SPEAKER_1: Great.
SPEAKER_1: But we do have to call it five-minute crafts.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, no, it's a five-minute craft.
SPEAKER_2: And I think you can start this off with just a normal salt shaker.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, so you start with a salt shaker.
SPEAKER_2: And pour just, pour all that salt out onto like a table.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, I love where this is going.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, and I was gonna be like, and then over the course of ten years, the salt, due to seismic activity, will just even out.
SPEAKER_1: Now, now consider an alternative.
SPEAKER_1: Really, these could all be about salt, because this one, now here is this one, is what if you were to pour, now you take that salt shaker, and instead of waiting ten years, which is an important craft, you can instead simply create a pentagram with the salt.
SPEAKER_1: And now people are like, oh, does it sort of repel or close in demons?
SPEAKER_1: And it's like, yes.
SPEAKER_1: If you make a pentagram with salt, it like is a paradox.
SPEAKER_1: And so the demon won't know whether to be summoned or not.
SPEAKER_1: And I think that would be super fucked up.
SPEAKER_2: You think this is witchcraft, but this is just fun five-minute crafts.
SPEAKER_2: That's what witch actually stands for.
SPEAKER_2: It means five minutes in Latin.
SPEAKER_2: This is a very little-known fact.
SPEAKER_2: So if I tell you to wait a witch, I just need like five minutes.
SPEAKER_1: I'll be there in which.
SPEAKER_1: So those are some pretty good crafts.
SPEAKER_1: Let's think about stuff that's just gonna be super duper useful, like bigger than before is.
SPEAKER_2: Now, I don't want to steal their idea, but did you ever see the commercial for the sand that like you can form underwater and then you lift it up, it just turns back into sand?
SPEAKER_2: A, apparently it's shit, it doesn't work.
SPEAKER_2: And B, if we just add like food dye to our salt and also probably maple syrup, that'll probably be what we get, right?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, probably.
SPEAKER_1: That sounds right to me.
SPEAKER_2: Salt and maple syrup will make, I was gonna say non-Euclidean sand.
SPEAKER_1: Moon sand, was it called?
SPEAKER_1: Or was that different?
SPEAKER_1: Was that a different thing?
SPEAKER_2: It might have, there was a few of them.
SPEAKER_2: I think, I do remember the name moon sand.
SPEAKER_2: Pour one out for moon sand.
SPEAKER_1: There's this great moment in Emma 2020 in which a bunch of like these women who are like, go to school are like orphan women or whatever.
SPEAKER_1: They are just like standing around a table and there's just a big block of sand and they're just cutting the sand with a knife to make it fall away.
SPEAKER_1: And it's just so amusing to all of them.
SPEAKER_1: They're like, so that's a five minute craft.
SPEAKER_2: I can't wait.
SPEAKER_2: What is this a real scene?
SPEAKER_1: This is a real scene.
SPEAKER_1: It's incredible.
SPEAKER_1: It's so good.
SPEAKER_2: This is like the soap cutting videos.
SPEAKER_2: Wait, is soap cutting a five minute craft?
SPEAKER_1: They just had nothing to do in that time period.
SPEAKER_1: And there's a great, at the end of it, like the main kind of girl who's involved with the story from there, who's like Emma's friend, like puts her face in the sand, comes up, and everyone's like laughing and stuff.
SPEAKER_1: And then she turns around and Emma's there and is like, what the fuck are you doing basically?
SPEAKER_1: And so that's a five minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: That is five minute crafts to me.
SPEAKER_2: Just fucking cutting up some sand.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, cut up some sand.
SPEAKER_2: Five minute craft, just take a block of cheese and shred it.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, I love that.
SPEAKER_1: That's a really good five minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: Now, if you really wanted to extend it, maybe do sort of a 10 minute craft, you could take that kind of shredded cheese and you could like take some chips and maybe some salsa and some other things and just put that shredded cheese on top of it and then put it in the oven for just like a little bit.
SPEAKER_2: Just like 10 hours.
SPEAKER_1: And we could call that burnt nachos as our 10 minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, five minute crafts can be anything, right?
SPEAKER_1: If you think about it, when you really get down to it.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I mean, walking to the store can be a five minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: I'm going to hang out with my cat, five minute craft.
SPEAKER_2: Welcome to my new YouTube video, five minute crafts.
SPEAKER_2: Hi, I'm just going to talk and rant for five minutes.
SPEAKER_2: At the end, it's just going to cut off in the middle of a sentence.
SPEAKER_1: I'm really enjoying playing this video game, five minute craft.
SPEAKER_2: Watch me speed run this dungeon, five minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: Here's a good five minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: What if you were to just stack books on top of one another?
SPEAKER_2: You're making sort of a book fort.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, and if you think about it, right, like that's like, it's a storage hack too.
SPEAKER_1: Because no one ever thought to stack the books on top of each other.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, if you make a bookcase of books, then you just put your books in the book bookcase.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that's a really good idea.
SPEAKER_1: What if you were to just like face two mirrors at each other?
SPEAKER_2: Oh my god, infinite light.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, infinite light, that's a five minute craft to me.
SPEAKER_1: Hey, what if you were to turn like a different type of metal into gold?
SPEAKER_1: Five minute craft.
SPEAKER_2: I love FMA.
SPEAKER_2: What if you want to revive your dead mom?
SPEAKER_2: Five minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: What if you want to invite your dead dad?
SPEAKER_1: 10-minute craft takes a little bit longer.
SPEAKER_1: Men are complicated.
SPEAKER_2: Wow, fuckdads.com, they really do love to take all your time.
SPEAKER_1: Uh-huh, fuckdads.com, that's a five-minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: Anything could be a five-minute craft.
SPEAKER_2: Anything.
SPEAKER_2: Hey, recording a podcast, five-minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: Five-minute craft, baby, this is our five-minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: What if you were to get a major surgery that you had to recover from over the course of a year that involved significant strain on yourself and your life as you try to do aftercare for that surgery, including dilation and stuff like that.
SPEAKER_1: Five minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: Now, that's what I call crafting.
SPEAKER_2: Do you have other crafts that you want to share?
SPEAKER_2: They, of course, have to take five minutes.
SPEAKER_1: Right, of course.
SPEAKER_1: What if you were to put blocks on top of each other in the video game Minecraft?
SPEAKER_2: This is kind of like the book idea.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, except it's like a digital craft.
SPEAKER_1: We could do a whole set of digital crafts.
SPEAKER_2: What if Minecraft was just books?
SPEAKER_2: What if you could read every block?
SPEAKER_2: What if every block was a dissertation?
SPEAKER_2: What if that's where grad dissertations go to live?
SPEAKER_1: A dissertation is kind of a five-minute craft.
SPEAKER_2: University, five-minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: You see this degree, it says five-minute craft on it.
SPEAKER_2: I have a degree in five-minute craft.
SPEAKER_2: It took me five minutes.
SPEAKER_1: It took me five minutes and several thousand dollars.
SPEAKER_1: You see, that's the thing that people don't tell you about these five-minute crafts.
SPEAKER_1: Sure, it only takes five minutes, but how much money does it take?
SPEAKER_2: Right?
SPEAKER_2: Think about the cost of that maple syrup, the egg, the vinegar, the food dye, probably thousands of dollars.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: And then that cup that you're going to have to throw out because it's just going to be irrevocably tainted.
SPEAKER_2: So much vinegar and maple syrup in it.
SPEAKER_1: And an egg.
SPEAKER_1: I can't get over the fact that it smells so fucking bad.
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_1: Maybe if you preserved it.
SPEAKER_1: But I don't, but maybe, I mean, preservation is a five-minute craft.
SPEAKER_2: So we should salt the egg?
SPEAKER_1: We should salt the egg.
SPEAKER_1: And you know what?
SPEAKER_1: Full circle.
SPEAKER_1: We're back.
SPEAKER_1: We're back to salt.
SPEAKER_1: We're back to our salt cravings and our salt craftings.
SPEAKER_2: Oh my God.
SPEAKER_2: They said the title of the show.
SPEAKER_1: Oh my God.
SPEAKER_2: They said the fuck.
SPEAKER_1: Holy shit.
SPEAKER_1: Someone, someone, someone.
SPEAKER_2: That's where the name comes from.
SPEAKER_2: I get it now.
SPEAKER_1: Where's I need to contact the news right now.
SPEAKER_1: I need to contact the news right now because they said the title of the fucking show.
SPEAKER_2: Five Minute Craft.
SPEAKER_2: Write the entire plot around one phrase, Five Minute Craft.
SPEAKER_1: Uh, contacting a journalist because a podcast said a specific word, Five Minute Craft.
SPEAKER_1: Being a journalist, Five Minute Craft.
SPEAKER_2: Uh, a career, Five Minute Craft.
SPEAKER_2: Making the same joke 40 times, Five Minute Craft.
SPEAKER_1: Being executed for your bad jokes, Five Minute Crafts.
SPEAKER_1: I wonder how many of these you're gonna cut.
SPEAKER_2: None of them.
SPEAKER_2: Zero.
SPEAKER_1: Perfect, perfect, ideal, as the podcast was meant to be.
SPEAKER_1: Well, I think that's a pretty good set of Five Minute Crafts.
SPEAKER_2: We have content for years now.
SPEAKER_1: We're gonna have content for years.
SPEAKER_1: God, screw this, let's just go start a Five Minute Crafts YouTube channel.
SPEAKER_1: Just our hands, just laying out how to do all of these different Five Minute Crafts.
SPEAKER_2: No, see our version, it's feet.
SPEAKER_2: It's feet only.
SPEAKER_1: We're going to attract a very particular type of audience.
SPEAKER_1: Is Footstep a Five Minute Craft?
SPEAKER_1: You know what?
SPEAKER_1: So many Five Minute Crafts.
SPEAKER_1: I don't think we can fit any more Five Minute Crafts into this video.
SPEAKER_1: So I think we're just going to have to move on, and I'm just going to need you to give me kind of some updates on the Cravings Stocks.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, God, I'm seeing...
SPEAKER_2: Whoa, this is wild.
SPEAKER_2: There's like one that's just coming in.
SPEAKER_2: It says FRV?
SPEAKER_2: FRV, what could...
SPEAKER_2: Oh, fuck, I know.
SPEAKER_2: It's a Fraving, Fraving, it's a Fraving.
SPEAKER_1: Oh my God, what?
SPEAKER_1: We have a what?
SPEAKER_1: What?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: So, our friend, I'm just gonna say their name because I feel like they would like that.
SPEAKER_2: Charlie said B, we were just talking, and you truly can send your Cravings in in any way as long as it gets to one of us, told me.
SPEAKER_2: And then I was like, I'm not gonna remember that.
SPEAKER_2: You're gonna have to text it to me.
SPEAKER_2: So texted me, the Craving is to get sourdough bread and corn pops without leaving their house and having to interact with the public.
SPEAKER_2: Sourdough bread and corn pops, Brianna, how do we do it?
SPEAKER_1: Well, I love corn pops.
SPEAKER_1: I'm a corn pops aficionado, and I also really like sourdough.
SPEAKER_1: So I totally understand this craving.
SPEAKER_1: I think it's a really reasonable one.
SPEAKER_1: Now, sourdough, it seems pretty easy.
SPEAKER_1: We've all been making sourdough in quarantine.
SPEAKER_1: Every single one of us has done that.
SPEAKER_1: Every single one of us has made just huge quantities of sourdough because everyone has the same quarantine experience.
SPEAKER_1: You might think, oh yeah, well, that one's easy, but corn pops, you can't just make corn pops, but you can, see?
SPEAKER_1: Here's what you need to make corn pops.
SPEAKER_2: Corn.
SPEAKER_1: Sugar.
SPEAKER_2: Five minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, corn, sugar, mallet.
SPEAKER_1: Now, that's all you need.
SPEAKER_1: Because all you gotta do, crush up that corn, mix it with sugar, and then put it in the oven, and it'll just make corn pops.
SPEAKER_1: That's how it works.
SPEAKER_2: Now, I do want to consider what if people do have a different experience and that they, feasibly, there has to be one person, there's probably just one person who is like, no, five minute crafts aren't for me.
SPEAKER_2: I'm not gonna make sourdough.
SPEAKER_2: I don't have five minutes to make sourdough.
SPEAKER_2: I was thinking, what if we put the corn pops in the sourdough, and then we make like, you know those like garbage picker uppers, or even better, like, I don't know, I had one from the aquarium where you, it's like a trigger on one end, and then at the very other side of this very long stick was like a dolphin with a mouth.
SPEAKER_2: You just sort of make it, or like, you know, garbage picker uppers on a stick, et cetera.
SPEAKER_2: What if that, but very long, you just, we set these corn pops and bread, just not everybody's near their windowsill.
SPEAKER_2: We're just gonna set up a community sour pop fund.
SPEAKER_1: I like this a lot, but I think that that very, very long arm is going to have to bend as well.
SPEAKER_1: So that's just a thing to be aware of.
SPEAKER_1: But yeah, no, I totally like this.
SPEAKER_1: I think it's a very good idea.
SPEAKER_1: Have we considered supply drops also though?
SPEAKER_1: Because you know how like in video games, they'll like drop supplies every so often, right?
SPEAKER_1: What if that was also a thing that happened in real life and we supplied people with things where they need them when they need them?
SPEAKER_2: Someone should do that in real life.
SPEAKER_2: No one's ever done that before.
SPEAKER_2: I wonder if anyone got the idea in video games.
SPEAKER_1: Liberals do this.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, right?
SPEAKER_1: Like you could just do supply drops and it would just like come down and like a parachute and it would just be a huge crate of sourdough and corn pops or sour pops, whatever you really want.
SPEAKER_1: Sour pops are sourdough corn pops, whereas corn dough is corn pops in sourdough bread.
SPEAKER_2: Sour pops is just what every like person calls their grandfather after like they've been fired from their work and they're just very angry for a week.
SPEAKER_1: It's also this off-brand sour candy that I've just come up with.
SPEAKER_1: The slogan for sour pops is, it's a sour candy and the slogan is, you can only eat one.
SPEAKER_1: Because if you try to eat more than one, your mouth will burn to death.
SPEAKER_2: One at a time?
SPEAKER_1: Like, wait.
SPEAKER_1: It's a very big candy.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, that sounds like a five-minute task.
SPEAKER_2: No, I did like this airdrop idea.
SPEAKER_2: This seems perfectly good.
SPEAKER_1: I think this airdrop idea is a pretty good one.
SPEAKER_1: The only thing is, how do you make sure that only you kind of get this airdrop?
SPEAKER_1: Because you don't want other people to also have access to this airdrop, because you don't want to interact with people.
SPEAKER_2: What if we just blanket this...
SPEAKER_2: What if we just make it rain corn pops and sourdough?
SPEAKER_1: Right, and it's just sort of like...
SPEAKER_2: Just like 10 a.m.
SPEAKER_2: every morning, it's just like, that's the sour pops time.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, and no one's gonna hoard it, because why would someone hoard something in quarantine that other people need?
SPEAKER_1: And then even if we run out, right?
SPEAKER_1: We can just drop more.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, there's just an endless supply of sour pops.
SPEAKER_2: That's chill.
SPEAKER_2: What are these made out of?
SPEAKER_2: I've never actually read the packaging on sour pops.
SPEAKER_1: So you know sourdough bread?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yeah, you put some yeast in it.
SPEAKER_2: You put some water, probably.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, some flour, some yeast, some water.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, and you know, corn pops, corn and sugar, and all those, certainly some other things.
SPEAKER_1: So you just put all those things in a bowl, and-
SPEAKER_2: Right, so we got, what was it again?
SPEAKER_2: It was salt.
SPEAKER_2: No, it wasn't salt.
SPEAKER_2: We're gonna add salt.
SPEAKER_2: It's our special test, sugar, and corn, and flour, and-
SPEAKER_1: Yeast, and water.
SPEAKER_2: Yeast.
SPEAKER_1: And all of that's really good.
SPEAKER_1: And then we're just gonna add like 50 chemicals in there.
SPEAKER_1: And then that's how, and then that's there.
SPEAKER_1: Wait, what chemicals?
SPEAKER_1: They're non-toxic.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, okay, that's fine then.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, they're not murder chemicals.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, okay, now that's cool then.
SPEAKER_2: That's fine.
SPEAKER_1: Well, actually, so they're definitely non-murder chemicals.
SPEAKER_1: Would you say that, I'm using kind of a definition of toxic here in which like if you eat it, you'll die.
SPEAKER_1: So anything short of that to me is non-toxic.
SPEAKER_2: I do think the, well, you know, it wasn't specified.
SPEAKER_2: You know, it was not specified that the end goal would be to eat these.
SPEAKER_1: Exactly, right?
SPEAKER_1: Like we don't, we're not marketing this as food.
SPEAKER_2: If you don't market it as food, it's fine.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, and you don't market it as food.
SPEAKER_1: The NDA doesn't know about it.
SPEAKER_2: We're marketing it as food, F-U-D.
SPEAKER_2: It's great.
SPEAKER_2: Trademark, trademark restricted.
SPEAKER_2: Don't use it, we'll sue.
SPEAKER_1: Five minute crap time.
SPEAKER_2: Wow, so it turns out the stocks are turning back to normal.
SPEAKER_2: Everything on the screen was just illegible for five minutes.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, and then we talked about it, and people started investing, and everyone's loving our new food.
SPEAKER_2: S-POP.
SPEAKER_2: We can call it S-POP.
SPEAKER_2: That'll be a great name.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, no one's used that one before.
SPEAKER_2: Hashtag S-POP, make it happen.
SPEAKER_2: So I really would love to remember the past five minutes of my life.
SPEAKER_2: So I was really hoping to get like a replayable memory.
SPEAKER_2: My craving is, I really like the idea of being able to replay memories.
SPEAKER_2: I really like the idea of being able to transfer memories.
SPEAKER_2: I really love the idea that Elon Musk is going to be in charge of this inevitable technology.
SPEAKER_2: And Elon Musk has definitely never made a product that people go, oh, you did that before.
SPEAKER_1: Wow, I love the Cybertruck.
SPEAKER_1: I want to put that in my brain.
SPEAKER_1: The Cybertruck is great.
SPEAKER_2: The Cybertruck has no faults, and nothing went wrong during the display.
SPEAKER_2: And it's definitely a truck and not just a big car from a video game.
SPEAKER_1: And it's totally safe.
SPEAKER_1: It's totally safe and good.
SPEAKER_2: It's totally safe.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, and I want that in my brain.
SPEAKER_2: And his underground highway is totally fine.
SPEAKER_2: Definitely not gonna be weird.
SPEAKER_1: Not at all a problem.
SPEAKER_2: Elon Musk makes the best solutions, clearly.
SPEAKER_2: And so I'm really excited for him to be able to root around in my brain, actually, and just, you know, protect me from all the hacking and really the rebooting.
SPEAKER_2: I'm thinking about charging my brain, and I'm just really excited about the concept of charging my brain.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I want Tech Daddy to have access to my brain.
SPEAKER_1: No, we can't say that.
SPEAKER_1: Tech Daddy Elon Musk, get in my brain and just start editing.
SPEAKER_1: Hi, I'm Grimes.
SPEAKER_2: God, no, we can't.
SPEAKER_2: That's almost, anyways.
SPEAKER_1: Hey, so sorry, this is the line?
SPEAKER_2: This is the fucking line?
SPEAKER_2: It's right there.
SPEAKER_1: Impersonating Grimes is the line?
SPEAKER_2: It's the idea of Grimes being controlled by Elon Musk.
SPEAKER_2: Welcome to my conspiracy theory corner.
SPEAKER_2: Grimes is, this has been a year long technology and Elon Musk has just been erasing all of Grimes' memories for the past year, two years.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, the actual probable answer is that it's an abusive relationship and it's bad.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, it is, it's bad.
SPEAKER_1: Anyway, we love Elon Musk here at Salt Cravings and we're so excited to get the chip in our brains.
SPEAKER_1: Hypothetically, let's say if we were to have significant problems with man who built his wealth on Apartheid, if we were to have slight problems with this man, we might want to develop something maybe of our own that we control and that he doesn't.
SPEAKER_2: Will be the control, we are the memory accesses.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, more like people are in control with their own brains, right?
SPEAKER_1: Sort of a kind of open source deal.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, and we will choose random people to be a part of this.
SPEAKER_2: And so we can get some random access memory.
SPEAKER_2: The real craving is I have for years thought about the idea of sharing.
SPEAKER_2: I think we've already talked about this.
SPEAKER_1: Sharing memories.
SPEAKER_1: We've talked about memory a lot, and we have talked about sharing memories for sure.
SPEAKER_2: What I've written down actually is replayable memory that Elon Musk can't touch.
SPEAKER_2: That's a very important part.
SPEAKER_2: Elon Musk cannot be near this.
SPEAKER_2: How do we get a Musk repellent?
SPEAKER_2: Can we make a Musk repellent?
SPEAKER_1: Here's the thing.
SPEAKER_2: It's deodorant.
SPEAKER_1: Here's the thing.
SPEAKER_1: If we are messing around with biotech, then we have options on the table for just completely barring Elon Musk's specific DNA, right?
SPEAKER_1: Anything that Elon Musk has to some degree been involved with, we can identify biologically that Elon Musk has had a hand in it, whether or not he did it himself, because he didn't, because he just takes other people's tech.
SPEAKER_1: But because he's involved with it biologically, we can detect his biosignature, and it can just put up huge firewalls that are super thick.
SPEAKER_1: Then he can't touch any of it.
SPEAKER_2: What if he likes fire?
SPEAKER_2: What if he builds a fire-resistant suit, Brianna?
SPEAKER_1: Well, here's the thing, here's the thing.
SPEAKER_2: He is Elon Musk.
SPEAKER_2: He is very good at what he does and has never had a failed idea.
SPEAKER_1: So, good point.
SPEAKER_1: What about a poison wall?
SPEAKER_1: And then after that, an electricity wall.
SPEAKER_1: And then after that, a spike wall.
SPEAKER_1: And then after that one, right?
SPEAKER_2: There's so many walls.
SPEAKER_2: This sounds like a five minute task, Brianna.
SPEAKER_2: Five minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: And it's all in your brain, in the brainosphere, which is a space that is both digital and brain.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, a brain wall.
SPEAKER_2: What if when you die, you can sign up to be part of the brain wall, and you're just like chilling around with the other brains?
SPEAKER_2: And then if Elon Musk walks by, you can just viscerally attack him.
SPEAKER_2: That's the whole idea.
SPEAKER_2: That's the end.
SPEAKER_2: I just think using the ancestors to attack Elon Musk is good.
SPEAKER_2: Do you think about how Elon Musk is probably going to have children if he doesn't already?
SPEAKER_2: No, so Elon Musk doesn't have children, I've decided.
SPEAKER_1: Well, here's an interesting thing about Elon Musk.
SPEAKER_1: So has Elon Musk's Wikipedia page, because there is no mention...
SPEAKER_1: Brianna.
SPEAKER_1: Sorry?
SPEAKER_2: Brianna.
SPEAKER_2: Elon Musk making children.
SPEAKER_2: It's a five-minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: But fun fact, Elon Musk had a first wife and had several children with that first wife, and all mention of this has been deleted from his Wikipedia.
SPEAKER_2: That's so good.
SPEAKER_2: How is she doing?
SPEAKER_2: I want to know about her.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I want to know about Elon Musk's ex-wife.
SPEAKER_1: Can we access his memories and play them for everyone?
SPEAKER_1: Actually, no.
SPEAKER_1: Here's the thing that we're doing.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, he can't get into our brains.
SPEAKER_1: We got that.
SPEAKER_1: Here's what I'm thinking.
SPEAKER_1: How do we get into Elon Musk's memories and play them for the people?
SPEAKER_1: You want to get canceled for shit?
SPEAKER_1: You want to see someone get canceled for shit?
SPEAKER_1: Get them canceled for shit that they did coming from their own fucking memories.
SPEAKER_2: Memory is an extraordinarily reliable source too.
SPEAKER_2: So I think this is a great idea.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, there's going to be something in there.
SPEAKER_1: So we are simply going to do a reverse memory hack of Elon Musk's brain.
SPEAKER_1: How do we accomplish such a task?
SPEAKER_2: I mean, he's almost certainly going to install this on himself, right?
SPEAKER_1: Of course.
SPEAKER_2: I think we should just let him.
SPEAKER_2: Do you remember in Dragon Ball when...
SPEAKER_2: Fuck, what is his name?
SPEAKER_1: Okay, one, I definitely know you've watched Dragon Ball.
SPEAKER_1: I've never seen Dragon Ball, but I feel like I know what your general trope that you're talking about.
SPEAKER_2: That I'm about to do?
SPEAKER_2: Captain...
SPEAKER_2: It's not hammock, I need to Google...
SPEAKER_2: Ginyu!
SPEAKER_2: Captain Ginyu.
SPEAKER_2: So in Dragon Ball Z, Captain Ginyu gets his mind swapped with a frog.
SPEAKER_2: It's a space frog.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, this is very different than...
SPEAKER_2: Than what you were thinking?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I mean, the thing I was going to do is the general trope of, you know, villain trying to do some terrible thing and then it getting mirrored back at him so it happens to him.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, that is exactly how Ginyu got swapped with a frog.
SPEAKER_2: So yeah, I think we're going to do that.
SPEAKER_2: Elon Musk is going to have his big red button.
SPEAKER_2: He's going to press it, and it's going to be like, aha, I'm going to access everybody's memory now.
SPEAKER_2: And then we're going to have our fire, poison, spike, brain wall set up, ready, waiting.
SPEAKER_2: And that's just going to reflect at him, and his brain is going to be playing on every theater, every video.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's just going to be projected into the world like a great, bad sci-fi shit.
SPEAKER_2: On every building even.
SPEAKER_2: And then we're just going to swap his body with a five-minute craft, and it's going to be great.
SPEAKER_1: It's just going to be a craft of Elon Musk that we put together.
SPEAKER_2: We're going to dunk Elon Musk in vinegar and maple syrup and food time for three days.
SPEAKER_2: And you know what?
SPEAKER_1: He's going to be bigger.
SPEAKER_1: You've heard of tart and feathered, but have you heard me say them before?
SPEAKER_1: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_2: Do you want to end the Cravonomy?
SPEAKER_2: I think the Cravonomy needs to come to an end.
SPEAKER_1: The more that we talk about Cravings, the more I become convinced that our jobs as Cravonomists are fundamentally unethical, and that the Cravonomy as it exists is deeply flawed.
SPEAKER_1: So let me just end it by talking about the final Craving, the only Craving left.
SPEAKER_1: How...
SPEAKER_1: How would one...
SPEAKER_1: Now, let's say, hypothetically, for the sake of argument...
SPEAKER_2: Right.
SPEAKER_1: That I were making a tabletop game.
SPEAKER_1: And let's say I have no idea if the mechanics I've made are balanced or fun.
SPEAKER_1: And let's say I don't want to like expose people to it and have them playtest it, until I have at least some idea of whether or not it would be a good time.
SPEAKER_2: Brianna.
SPEAKER_1: How would I do that?
SPEAKER_2: Brianna.
SPEAKER_2: I want to harken back to a few episodes ago where you were like, I want to write things, but I don't want people to read.
SPEAKER_1: As I was saying, and I was like, oh, fuck, it's the same fucking thing.
SPEAKER_1: But like, I just want to like get an idea of like, how to at least go forward, you know?
SPEAKER_1: Right.
SPEAKER_1: I want to be able to, because, you know, if I'm trying to do like a new thing, a new mechanic that hasn't been done in the game before, or at least not a game that I've played before, how do I know if that mechanic, without like going out and being like, all right, let's do a play test of this thing.
SPEAKER_1: How do I know if that mechanic is like functional at that point?
SPEAKER_1: If there's, you know, how do I simulate a play test?
SPEAKER_2: I'm going to expose myself here a little bit, but I'm an only child.
SPEAKER_2: I grew up an only child.
SPEAKER_2: And so I really like trading card games.
SPEAKER_2: And so as a kid, because I was only an only child, I would often play card games against myself.
SPEAKER_2: And yes, this did, it was me running back and forth, putting the hand down, picking up the other hand, playing as if it was me being like, and yeah, no, there was an entire dialogue I would have with myself.
SPEAKER_2: And, you know, I would win in the end and also lose.
SPEAKER_2: So what I'm saying, Brianna, is you need to play card games or dice games with yourself like a real adult.
SPEAKER_1: That's a good idea.
SPEAKER_1: You know what?
SPEAKER_1: I'll simply play against myself.
SPEAKER_1: And because I made the game, I know how the game is supposed to work.
SPEAKER_1: And therefore, I will be an accurate representation and an accurate sample of how the larger population will react to the game and the game mechanics because I know everything about the game mechanics.
SPEAKER_2: I do have one potential idea.
SPEAKER_2: You could plug your game and ask for play testers right now.
SPEAKER_2: And then if people want to do it, they can.
SPEAKER_2: They can just sign up.
SPEAKER_2: They know what they're getting.
SPEAKER_2: They've already heard the remorse.
SPEAKER_2: They've already heard the like, I don't want people to do this.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, listen, I'm going to be asking friends if they want to do this, but eventually, keep a lookout for me tweeting about a game called Brothers in Arms.
SPEAKER_1: It's a game where you're all constructed soldiers fighting in a war under a magical commander of sorts.
SPEAKER_1: It is setting agnostics, so I don't get sued by certain companies.
SPEAKER_2: This is like Star Trek, right?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's sort of like Star Trek The Clone Fights.
SPEAKER_2: I love that movie.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's a good movie.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, keep an eye out for that.
SPEAKER_1: But generally, I am interested in the notion of like, because I feel like I want to show the thing to people at a point where at least I know that it's not going to just be extremely frustrating to interact with and just put people off the game immediately.
SPEAKER_1: And so what if, is there a way to simulate play testers?
SPEAKER_1: And I know that this is, if there was a way, then no one would hire play testers.
SPEAKER_1: So I'm aware that, can you find a thing for me that capitalists who make games have not been able to find at all?
SPEAKER_2: No.
SPEAKER_1: Well, no more games, everyone.
SPEAKER_2: No more games.
SPEAKER_2: What you need to do is write a tabletop game about playing tabletop games and then make that tabletop game play your tabletop game in the story.
SPEAKER_2: And so what you are simulating all these players playing, and so it's not technically you.
SPEAKER_1: I love this.
SPEAKER_1: I love the idea of how many meta layers can you go on playing a tabletop game.
SPEAKER_1: It's so good.
SPEAKER_1: I've definitely had the concept of meta tabletop games before, because of course I have, but just the concept of we made this tabletop game that's about playing a tabletop game.
SPEAKER_1: We could also simply create...
SPEAKER_1: You know how there's tabletop simulator and shit, right?
SPEAKER_1: Which is a way to...
SPEAKER_1: What if it was advanced tabletop simulator, and so the machine, the AI itself could play the game?
SPEAKER_2: This would have made my Yu-Gi-Oh!
SPEAKER_2: experiences a lot better.
SPEAKER_1: It really would have.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, that exists for Yu-Gi-Oh!
SPEAKER_1: Time out!
SPEAKER_1: That exists for Yu-Gi-Oh!
SPEAKER_1: It's called digital card games against an AI opponent.
SPEAKER_2: It did not exist in 2000, in the year 2000, except for on Game Boy Advance, and you can bet I had all of those games.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, of course, I did too.
SPEAKER_1: I played them.
SPEAKER_1: I loved them.
SPEAKER_1: They were great.
SPEAKER_2: They were not great.
SPEAKER_2: They were great.
SPEAKER_1: I think I had fun with them.
SPEAKER_1: I don't think I would have fun with them if I played them again.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, no, I don't think they live up to anything, even remotely close to a video game.
SPEAKER_1: I sort of came into this and I was like, oh, this is totally a unique craving.
SPEAKER_1: And then as I was saying, I was like, this is the same thing as when I was talking about writing.
SPEAKER_2: I promise I won't psychoanalyze you this time.
SPEAKER_1: Thank you.
SPEAKER_1: I appreciate that.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Anyway, contact me if you want to playtest this game.
SPEAKER_1: Anyway, at price of Bri on Twitter, at price of Bri on Twitter, tell me if you want to playtest this game.
SPEAKER_1: I can't guarantee it'll be fun.
SPEAKER_2: Or just find her at her home address.
SPEAKER_1: It's 1111 1th Avenue, 1 Coover, 11.
SPEAKER_1: You know what that was?
SPEAKER_2: That was a joke?
SPEAKER_1: That was a five-minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: Thank you, everyone, for all the time that we have today for checking out the Cravings stocks.
SPEAKER_2: The Cravonomy is crashing.
SPEAKER_1: Who could have predicted this?
SPEAKER_1: The Cravonomy is in fact crashing.
SPEAKER_1: We are seeing that we are entering the...
SPEAKER_2: A Craveshion.
SPEAKER_1: A Craveshion.
SPEAKER_1: You know, that is something that we are going to have to go deal with as Cravonomists, so we should sign off.
SPEAKER_1: You know, if you want to follow our Craving Economy analysis, you can find us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_2: That's a five-minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: That's a five-minute craft right there.
SPEAKER_1: You know what else is a five-minute craft, Clair?
SPEAKER_2: Leaving a review.
SPEAKER_1: Leaving a review on your podcast half of choice.
SPEAKER_1: Also a five-minute craft.
SPEAKER_2: Going to Patreon.
SPEAKER_1: Subscribe to the Patreon.
SPEAKER_1: You know, it's also one of the best five-minute crafts, donating to trans women of color and black trans women who need it.
SPEAKER_2: Wow, that sounds like a one-minute craft.
SPEAKER_2: You should do that before all the other ones.
SPEAKER_1: You know what?
SPEAKER_1: That's a one-minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: You could do that five times.
SPEAKER_2: You could do that five times.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, it's pretty incredible.
SPEAKER_2: That's a five-minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: That's a five-minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: And if you really want to do a five-minute craft, why not submit a craving to us, submissions at saltcravings.com or any way that you can think of to get in contact with us.
SPEAKER_2: As I've proven this episode.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, you know what?
SPEAKER_1: Just contact us and we will talk about your craving on the pod.
SPEAKER_2: We recorded an episode, Brianna.
SPEAKER_2: That's a five minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: You got there first.
SPEAKER_1: Sorry, I knew it was gonna be one of us making the same joke.
SPEAKER_1: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_2: And I was holding it in the whole time.
SPEAKER_1: You did it, you did it.
SPEAKER_2: Thank you for sharing this amazing, blissful five-minute craft utopia with me.
SPEAKER_1: Isn't it so good?
SPEAKER_1: That fucking, I also said to you some others, because that fucking bigger-than-before video comes from a larger series of videos, of which the first several are all egg crafts.
SPEAKER_1: They're incredible.
SPEAKER_1: There's a really good one that we found the other day that was like hair crafts, and they're all stupid as hell.
SPEAKER_1: It's incredible.
SPEAKER_1: It's so good.
SPEAKER_2: God.
SPEAKER_1: All right.
SPEAKER_1: Shall we...
SPEAKER_1: Shall we clap?
SPEAKER_2: Minute five and ten.
SPEAKER_1: Minute five, ten.
SPEAKER_1: I'm gonna fast my nudes there.
SPEAKER_2: Don't do that.
SPEAKER_1: Maybe I will.
SPEAKER_1: That's a five minute craft.
SPEAKER_1: And I crave things with my friends.
SPEAKER_2: Have you, okay, have you seen, I learned about this.
SPEAKER_2: Did you know that a lot of the Tasty videos aren't, like you can't actually do them, they're faked?
SPEAKER_2: I didn't know that for sure, but I figured probably like one of the one of the recipes, apparently, and this is a great one.
SPEAKER_2: If you put bleach on strawberries, you can make them white strawberries.
SPEAKER_2: That's super healthy.
SPEAKER_1: That's great, that's really good, super normal.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, hang on, I just need to...
SPEAKER_1: I'm changing up a craving.
SPEAKER_2: I'd like to put bleach.
SPEAKER_2: Sometimes I just want to dip my strawberries in bleach.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, you're not ready for this craving, let me tell you.
SPEAKER_2: You know, if we're off by a tenth of a second, people will fucking riot.
SPEAKER_1: And did you know, if we are not exactly in sync, if we somehow interrupt each other, or even if you fucking say, if you're not finished agreeing to a thing, and I say, oh yeah, or something like that, right?
SPEAKER_1: If something like that happens, people will come to our fucking Salt Cravings recording studio and burn it to the fucking ground.
SPEAKER_2: We spent so much money on this recording studio.
SPEAKER_2: It has salt shaker dispensers, not just salt dispensers, salt shaker dispensers.
SPEAKER_1: It has an entire seven recording booths, just in case we need...
SPEAKER_2: We need five more people at the same time.
SPEAKER_1: Can you imagine a podcast with seven people?
SPEAKER_1: Yes, I can.
SPEAKER_1: It's called Friends of the Table.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, what are you talking about?
SPEAKER_2: We actively listened to one.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, consider a comedy podcast with, let's say, how about ten people?
SPEAKER_1: Ten people on this comedy podcast.
SPEAKER_1: How would that go for you?
SPEAKER_2: It's just a family.
SPEAKER_2: It's just a family that really...
SPEAKER_2: You're just listening to Thanksgiving dinner of a different family.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, a podcast where it's just different families Thanksgiving dinners, and like the conversations that happen over Thanksgiving.
SPEAKER_2: I'm sure that's really fun.
SPEAKER_1: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_1: I also would do a podcast where it's just interviewing different members of your family.
SPEAKER_1: And just asking them just really awkward questions.
SPEAKER_1: And it has that sort of awkward, funny thing that like people like Nathan Fielder do.
SPEAKER_1: Where you're just like watching it and you cringe.
SPEAKER_1: You know the type of comedy that I mean though, right?
SPEAKER_2: Where you're like, I mean, I know the type of comedy.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know who Nathan Fielder is.
SPEAKER_1: He's like a comedian.
SPEAKER_1: He used to be like on the Cyrus 22 Minutes.
SPEAKER_1: And then now it's like a big Canadian, a big comedian in the States.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_2: I was just thinking like, interview your family.
SPEAKER_2: And my first thought was, oh, I should ask my dad what the best way to dismantle the police is.
SPEAKER_1: Because I'm sure that's exactly what I mean.
SPEAKER_1: Just ask them the questions you don't want the answers to.
SPEAKER_2: Right, right.
SPEAKER_2: Because of God, okay, I can't think about that.
SPEAKER_2: I'm good to silence, and then you can start whenever.