SPEAKER_2: You may call me Brianna, Knight of the Salt.
SPEAKER_1: And I am the Grand Wizard, Clair.
SPEAKER_2: And we are here today to take this mighty castle of cravings and to take its craving cures from its terrible, terrible dungeons and distribute them to the people, like any good knight should.
SPEAKER_1: We will loot your craving bounties in your dark dungeons.
SPEAKER_1: So lay down your swords, lest ye be slayed.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, I think they will not lay down, oh, they're laying down their swords.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, okay, this will be easy then.
SPEAKER_2: Oh yeah, this is, well, I'm sure you're going to want to fight.
SPEAKER_2: Oh no, they're actually, they're cheering.
SPEAKER_1: I thought they loved their king.
SPEAKER_1: Oh no, that's the king's head on a spike.
SPEAKER_1: Oh wow, we're really not needed here.
SPEAKER_2: You know, next time maybe we should like try and check and see if our info's up to date.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, a letter did take a while.
SPEAKER_1: Send a pigeon ahead of time.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, we need to start sending more pigeons.
SPEAKER_2: But oh, we still shall solve such cravings today.
SPEAKER_2: We will participate in this town's rousing affairs as they institute a new government.
SPEAKER_2: We shall participate by sharing cravings and then solving them.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, ho, that is our work as a knight and a wizard.
SPEAKER_1: Huzzah.
SPEAKER_1: This is the Knights of the Cravings Table.
SPEAKER_2: Hello, and welcome to Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_1: We share our cravings, then we solve them.
SPEAKER_1: That's the podcast.
SPEAKER_1: Wanna get into it?
SPEAKER_2: That's the whole thing.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, let's get into it, Clair.
SPEAKER_2: Loyal wizard, Clair, won't you tell me of a craving?
SPEAKER_1: I have two wonderfully easy cravings this time.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, great.
SPEAKER_1: I'm not too sure which one to do first, so I'm just gonna put a craving in each hand, and I'd like you to pick left or right.
SPEAKER_2: Left.
SPEAKER_1: All right, so the first craving that I'm doing...
SPEAKER_2: Sorry, can I see it in your hand?
SPEAKER_2: You held up two fists to me, and I just want to see.
SPEAKER_1: Right, right.
SPEAKER_1: I'm sorry, let me just...
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, uh-huh, yeah, here you go.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, I see, I see.
SPEAKER_1: This one, as you can clearly see, it's an actual leftist political party.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, I see, I get it, left.
SPEAKER_1: I feel like after the US election and also watching some other countries, and also our own country, sort of squander everything governmental, I would love an actual party consisting of leftists with a viable political chance, because I feel like the leftist movement is growing as the internet, you know, exists longer.
SPEAKER_2: I think that's accurate, I hope it's accurate at the very least.
SPEAKER_2: It's so strange because we here in Canada do have more of a leftist party than they do down there, but like the NDP are not, like listen, I voted for them and I will vote for them again, almost certainly.
SPEAKER_2: But like they are in power provincially currently and they have not really been extremely, you know, it's really, I've seen it put this way, which is like the BC liberals, which the liberals in this province are actually conservatives.
SPEAKER_2: And not just in the way that all liberals are conservatives, but like genuinely they are the, there's no conservative party here.
SPEAKER_2: The liberals here will like actively kill you while the NDP will just let you die.
SPEAKER_1: But don't forget, there are also conservatives that are just more conservative.
SPEAKER_2: Oh yeah, no, they're the extreme right.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, there is a BC conservative party that's like a fringe party no one votes for because they are extremely radical right wing.
SPEAKER_1: And I forget if it's the federal provincial upcoming election where there is like a literal Trump-alike individual running.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, you're talking about nationally, yes.
SPEAKER_2: Nationally, yes.
SPEAKER_1: The federal election, I believe.
SPEAKER_2: That is a genuine threat.
SPEAKER_1: So that's coming up and has been kind of on my mind.
SPEAKER_1: So I would truly, truly, truly love to want to vote for somebody.
SPEAKER_1: You know, like not just vote because it's the thing to do.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so here's the thing.
SPEAKER_2: There are leftist political parties.
SPEAKER_2: I think here's okay.
SPEAKER_2: Here's my concern.
SPEAKER_2: So the first biggest problem in trying to start a leftist party.
SPEAKER_2: Leftists don't agree on anything.
SPEAKER_2: Well, we agree on a lot, but like trying to make it, you know, there's a reason there is in fact a communist party here, and they are certainly not the only party here that is a far left party.
SPEAKER_2: There are, I would suspect, probably like a dozen or so.
SPEAKER_2: So we're going to have to have us coalesce around something coherent that a large group of leftists and especially new leftists can agree upon.
SPEAKER_1: Or we could just take all the existing parties and sort of like glue them together and form a bigger party.
SPEAKER_1: Because really all we need is like, the party doesn't need to internally agree, you know, look at any political party, and that is also true of them.
SPEAKER_1: But we just need bigger, you know, bigger than before.
SPEAKER_1: We need the political party of bigger than before.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you know, I'm sure that we can get anarchists and Marxist-Leninists and Maoists to all agree enough to form a political party together.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that seems like a thing we can do, for sure.
SPEAKER_2: Have we considered just talking to them and telling them that they need to agree?
SPEAKER_1: Just do it.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, have we considered just going around to every type of leftist that exists and just being like, hey, we're all going to form a political party together.
SPEAKER_2: And they'll be like, well, I don't want to do that because I don't like them.
SPEAKER_2: It's like, have you considered that you should?
SPEAKER_2: And then they'll all be like, oh, yeah, you know, that's a good point.
SPEAKER_2: We're all in this together.
SPEAKER_2: And then we'll all sing the High School Musical song and then leftist unity.
SPEAKER_2: I've done it.
SPEAKER_2: I've solved it.
SPEAKER_1: That does sound better than my answer.
SPEAKER_2: What was your answer?
SPEAKER_1: I mean, I'm kind of into the party of musicals, the leftist musical party.
SPEAKER_2: You know what?
SPEAKER_1: Because I think we can all get around show tunes.
SPEAKER_1: I think that's maybe the unifying factor.
SPEAKER_2: I have a brilliant plan.
SPEAKER_2: We're going to pull the Trojan Horse.
SPEAKER_2: OK, we're going to pretend with the absurdity, because everyone loves absurdity, right?
SPEAKER_2: Everyone loves absurdity.
SPEAKER_2: Everyone loves ridiculousness, right?
SPEAKER_2: We're going to pretend that we're this absurdist, kind of like almost parody, satirical party.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, right, right.
SPEAKER_2: That like is all about musicals and, you know, show tunes and like joking like we're the gay party and like all of this stuff.
SPEAKER_2: And then people are going to be like, haha, I wonder what their like silly policies are.
SPEAKER_2: And then they're all really good policies.
SPEAKER_2: They're all just like pillar fucking A plus policies.
SPEAKER_2: And they're going to be like, oh, huh.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, imagine going to like a community theater show run by your local politicians, but it's actually great and informative.
SPEAKER_1: It tells you a lot about your local standings and how you can act to like better have your voice heard by government.
SPEAKER_2: We don't show up to debate.
SPEAKER_1: And also it has good music.
SPEAKER_1: That's important.
SPEAKER_2: We don't show up to debates.
SPEAKER_2: We run musicals, you know, where we play all of the candidates.
SPEAKER_1: See, my thing was like, we just need to like have internally, like we need to just constantly have debates because I feel like that would just happen regardless.
SPEAKER_1: But we need to like do that.
SPEAKER_1: However, what if the musicals were debates?
SPEAKER_2: Ooh, I like that.
SPEAKER_1: You know, debates are boring.
SPEAKER_1: Anyone will agree.
SPEAKER_1: Literally anybody will agree that debates are boring.
SPEAKER_1: And what they really need is some oomph.
SPEAKER_1: And so I think we can add musical debates.
SPEAKER_1: I think if you add, if you make the debater have to sing their point, that instantly makes it better.
SPEAKER_2: We should go ahead and tax the rich at a higher percentage than we have in the past.
SPEAKER_1: I'm not going to sing.
SPEAKER_1: But yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_1: Thank you for proving the point.
SPEAKER_2: I think it would work.
SPEAKER_2: We just make ourselves very showy.
SPEAKER_2: And everyone loves to feel like, oh yeah, this party is not like the other parties.
SPEAKER_2: They're different and cool.
SPEAKER_2: And they understand what it's like.
SPEAKER_2: And that's how we bring them in.
SPEAKER_2: But the things that we're singing, everyone's like, yeah, that's a good idea.
SPEAKER_2: We should do that.
SPEAKER_1: I definitely feel myself getting swept up in songs.
SPEAKER_1: Like, yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Oh yeah, okay, I see what they're saying in their song that I definitely understand the words to.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, and eventually, right, people, it'll just become so normalized that people will just start breaking out in a song.
SPEAKER_2: They don't have to.
SPEAKER_2: You know, we're not making them, but like they just naturally will, because the culture, musicals will become huge.
SPEAKER_1: Imagine going to a party and the playlist includes the political songs.
SPEAKER_1: And it's just a bop.
SPEAKER_1: And you have the remix versions.
SPEAKER_2: It's a new movement.
SPEAKER_2: It's the musical movement.
SPEAKER_2: And the thing that's so exciting about this, of course, is that arts funding, it funds itself, you know?
SPEAKER_2: At this point, when we say, oh, we want more arts, we're going to fund the arts more, no one's going to have a problem with it, because they're going to be like, hell yeah, you are.
SPEAKER_2: We love it.
SPEAKER_2: We love musicals.
SPEAKER_2: We're having the best time.
SPEAKER_1: That was so easy.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know why no one's done this before.
SPEAKER_1: This is clearly the best way to get a political party started, to just get all the people together, prove that the power of song is the thing that will save the world, and then make sure it shows up on every radio and party and song until, you know, everyone's just internalized it.
SPEAKER_2: It just occurred to me that I think our political platform is just going to be like a list of the songs, a list of the like the OST.
SPEAKER_1: A playlist?
SPEAKER_2: It's just like, yeah, like the titles are all just our policies, like Tax the Rich, Land Back, like fucking, like it's just going to be a list of all of our, you know, like queer and trans rights and all of that.
SPEAKER_2: It's just all going to be the titles and they're just going to be bops and people are going to love it.
SPEAKER_2: So watch The Musical Party of Canada coming to you soon.
SPEAKER_1: My favorite bonus track is Abolish For Profit Housing.
SPEAKER_2: That's a good bonus track.
SPEAKER_2: That's a good, that's a good bonus track.
SPEAKER_1: Part one and two.
SPEAKER_2: Part one and two.
SPEAKER_2: Right.
SPEAKER_2: The part one and two reprise, reprises are really good where it's just like, yeah, uh huh.
SPEAKER_2: COVID vaccination schedule, COVID vaccination schedule reprise.
SPEAKER_1: Um, the first song, Vaccines Don't Cause Autism.
SPEAKER_1: And then the reprise, even if they did, that's not bad, you asshole.
SPEAKER_2: This is a great idea.
SPEAKER_1: So I feel like we've very quickly and effectively created Canada's new political leftist party.
SPEAKER_1: Brianna, do you want to give me a craving?
SPEAKER_2: There's just like one thing that I want to know.
SPEAKER_2: It's just like literally one thing.
SPEAKER_2: It's not even a big...
SPEAKER_1: Just one.
SPEAKER_2: I just want to know the absolute answers to fiercely debated historical topics.
SPEAKER_2: And just in general, the actual clear truth about history.
SPEAKER_2: I want to know what actually happened without any of the debate at all on any historical thing.
SPEAKER_2: I just want to know what's true, what's real.
SPEAKER_2: Know what's true, dig deep into who and what and why and when.
SPEAKER_2: So a thing that I've been interested in recently is thinking about...
SPEAKER_2: I mean, obviously, I've been interested in like medievalism for a while, but I'm seeing some folks talk about medieval era and how like we tend to think of medieval era in a really particular way that like isn't necessarily accurate.
SPEAKER_2: The concept of it as being the Dark Ages, right?
SPEAKER_2: That surfs or like peasants...
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, peasants in medieval England had more time off than we do, like on average, like significantly more.
SPEAKER_2: They had up to like a third of the year off.
SPEAKER_1: Is that myth or fact?
SPEAKER_2: That's one of the things that is debated, but in general is accepted by most that that is the case, that in fact, they did have more time off than we do today.
SPEAKER_2: You know, that time off was also filled with the fact that they couldn't do as much as quickly, right?
SPEAKER_2: Like laundry wasn't a thing you'd go down to the river and do all that and whatever.
SPEAKER_2: But like a lot of things that we think about as like being just true about history and our perceptions of history, like, you know, the concept of the Medieval Ages, like the Dark Ages, is kind of bullshit.
SPEAKER_2: But there's still, but when it gets down to the specifics, there's a lot of like fierce debate about like, is this thing true or is this thing true, right?
SPEAKER_2: It's like, is it the case that there was no scientific discovery in England and Europe?
SPEAKER_2: Because there have been some medications that have been discovered as having come from the Medieval Era that still work today, including antibiotics were recently discovered from Medieval recipes that work.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, wow.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it's that shit like that.
SPEAKER_2: But then there's other things where it's like, well, yeah, but they also thought, you know, this about this.
SPEAKER_2: And so I just would like to know.
SPEAKER_2: I would just like to know everything about history, absolutely.
SPEAKER_2: And without like having to debate or question or be like, well, is this thing true?
SPEAKER_2: Is this thing true?
SPEAKER_2: I would just like to know it.
SPEAKER_2: I would just like to know all of it for sure.
SPEAKER_1: I don't think that's too much to ask.
SPEAKER_2: No.
SPEAKER_1: So one of the ideas I had is, you know, this isn't this isn't as simple as a time machine or whatnot.
SPEAKER_1: But I think you can get closer to the truth with the scales of truth.
SPEAKER_2: OK.
SPEAKER_1: I guess we could have like a bathroom scale too.
SPEAKER_1: But that doesn't really work.
SPEAKER_1: So really what you do is you take one thing that is true and you take another thing.
SPEAKER_1: And then whichever one is more true will weigh down.
SPEAKER_1: So you can kind of see, are they equal truth?
SPEAKER_1: Which one's more true?
SPEAKER_1: And you can kind of narrow it down.
SPEAKER_1: So it's not an exact science.
SPEAKER_1: Of course, the scales of truth are an approximation tool.
SPEAKER_2: That is my kind of concern with them, because as we know, things either are true or are false.
SPEAKER_2: It's a complete binary and there's no, you know, space in the middle.
SPEAKER_1: There's no levels of truth.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, there's no levels of truth.
SPEAKER_2: There only is and isn't, right?
SPEAKER_2: And so all interpretations that we could possibly have, you know, they're either going to be completely true or completely false.
SPEAKER_2: How can I trust the scale if it says that two things are kind of equal in terms of the truth and false?
SPEAKER_2: Are the scales of truth objective?
SPEAKER_1: To figure that out, you'd probably have to take the scales of truth and then put it on another scales of truth.
SPEAKER_2: Right.
SPEAKER_2: So that's again, we're getting into the difficulty of like, how do you determine that it has no biases?
SPEAKER_1: Like any measuring tool, you know, there is a margin of error, right?
SPEAKER_1: What does the sig figs of the margin of truth look like?
SPEAKER_1: I guess that is the question, right?
SPEAKER_1: How do you measure the error of truth?
SPEAKER_1: It's like an error of comedies, but better.
SPEAKER_2: Well, okay, that would be a comedy of errors.
SPEAKER_1: It's the error of comedies where you make a mistake in your comedy act, like calling it the error of comedies.
SPEAKER_2: The error of comedies is the existence of comedies.
SPEAKER_1: Damn, we have to shut down the podcast now.
SPEAKER_2: Rip, rip Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_1: We just need to make a time machine.
SPEAKER_1: There it is.
SPEAKER_2: Well, hang on.
SPEAKER_2: How do we know if it's a real time machine?
SPEAKER_2: Do we have to put it on the scales of truth?
SPEAKER_2: I think.
SPEAKER_2: How big are the scales of truth?
SPEAKER_2: Here's a question.
SPEAKER_2: How big are the scales of truth?
SPEAKER_1: So do you know how cats can fit their container?
SPEAKER_1: I think the scales of truth are a container that fits the cat sort of thing.
SPEAKER_2: I see.
SPEAKER_1: How big is the objective truth?
SPEAKER_2: It's huge.
SPEAKER_2: It's as big as anything could be.
SPEAKER_1: You got your answer.
SPEAKER_2: So we can totally put the time machine on the scale of truth?
SPEAKER_1: It scales up and down.
SPEAKER_1: Ba-dum-tsss.
SPEAKER_2: Here's another idea.
SPEAKER_2: What if we just took all of the things that we found from olden times and just looked at them really hard until the ghosts started telling us things?
SPEAKER_1: The ghosts, you say?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you know, the ghosts that live inside every historical artifact.
SPEAKER_1: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: The objective truth ghosts.
SPEAKER_1: Great.
SPEAKER_2: That's how academics do it.
SPEAKER_1: How do the ghosts survive in these artifacts?
SPEAKER_2: Old things carry more energy, inherently, obviously.
SPEAKER_1: Time energy, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: Time energy.
SPEAKER_2: It sustains them.
SPEAKER_1: Do they eat it?
SPEAKER_1: And that's why they rust?
SPEAKER_2: Yes.
SPEAKER_2: That is why artifacts rust and change over time and scraps come off and all of that is because of the ghosts eating the time energy that's supposed to preserve them.
SPEAKER_2: There's ghosts in everything.
SPEAKER_2: It's just that our recent creations, the ghosts are very weak.
SPEAKER_2: They don't have as much of an ability to eat them.
SPEAKER_2: And also sometimes we like touch them and use them and the ghosts get all like about it.
SPEAKER_2: And so that's why you can like maintain and take care of things.
SPEAKER_2: But if something's unmaintained, not taken care of for a long enough period of time, the ghosts will simply start eating the time energy off of it.
SPEAKER_2: So we just have to find a way to contact the ghosts really clearly.
SPEAKER_1: You said they get startled when you touch it.
SPEAKER_2: Yes.
SPEAKER_1: Can you just shake them out?
SPEAKER_2: Well, you don't want them to fly away, is the thing.
SPEAKER_2: So you would need like a net to catch the ghosts.
SPEAKER_1: A ghost net?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you would need a ghost net.
SPEAKER_2: But it does have to be like magically and empowered.
SPEAKER_2: Maybe some ectoplasm or something.
SPEAKER_1: How do we get the ectoplasm?
SPEAKER_2: Right.
SPEAKER_2: That's, you know what, maybe that's the thing that we need to figure out.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, it makes perfect sense.
SPEAKER_2: You need the ectoplasm to make the net to catch the ghosts that come out of artifacts that eat the time energy off of the artifacts.
SPEAKER_2: And they can tell you objective truths about history and the world in order to know those objective truths and history about the world.
SPEAKER_2: It's really just like A to B, you know?
SPEAKER_2: So, ectoplasm.
SPEAKER_1: We just need to know the objective truth on how to gather ectoplasm.
SPEAKER_2: Hey, let's talk to the scale of truth about this.
SPEAKER_2: Because again, you know, we may as well not waste it, you know?
SPEAKER_2: Scale of truth, is ectoplasm found in the human body?
SPEAKER_1: Oh, I sure hope not.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, no.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, that's definitely looking...
SPEAKER_2: Well, hang on, you can't just ask the questions in that way.
SPEAKER_1: I was asking you.
SPEAKER_2: Well, let me ask it in the correct way.
SPEAKER_2: Is the ectoplasm the blood?
SPEAKER_2: Is the ectoplasm snot?
SPEAKER_2: That's also a no.
SPEAKER_1: Is the ectoplasm smagma?
SPEAKER_2: Oh, no.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, that's a...
SPEAKER_1: Oh, no.
SPEAKER_2: Skill truth.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, no.
SPEAKER_2: Don't...
SPEAKER_2: Maybe I don't need to know the objective truths about history.
SPEAKER_1: I think we have a clear path now.
SPEAKER_2: I think maybe it's okay for there to be debate and discussion about what was actually true, and also for us to be questioning our perceptions and what we've been taught and told about history at various points, and also pushing to be treated better than peasants.
SPEAKER_1: I came here to debate and find out the truth, and I'm all out of smagma.
SPEAKER_2: It sucks.
SPEAKER_2: It sucks so bad.
SPEAKER_2: Why does it suck so bad?
SPEAKER_1: Well, that's how you get the smagma.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, fine.
SPEAKER_2: We're moving on.
SPEAKER_2: I am throwing that craving out.
SPEAKER_2: That one's just, we are throwing that out.
SPEAKER_2: Clair, you want to give me a craving?
SPEAKER_1: One of the things that I've been thinking about recently is how to distribute funds, which is on some levels quite easy.
SPEAKER_1: There are a lot of people who need money right now.
SPEAKER_1: That's not great.
SPEAKER_1: It makes it easy.
SPEAKER_1: But also, is there a more effective way to get money into the hands of people who need it?
SPEAKER_1: And what does that mean?
SPEAKER_1: What does effective mean in that context?
SPEAKER_1: My craving has been those of us who can give money is kind of just pool our money.
SPEAKER_1: And those of us who need money, just kind of take from the pool anonymously without recreating the gatekeeping that the government does and without having bad actors.
SPEAKER_1: And bad actors, I'm using the cyber security term of someone who acts with ill intent.
SPEAKER_2: We need to have some sort of digital mutual aid.
SPEAKER_1: Maybe digital.
SPEAKER_1: We could just do like a dragon pile loot.
SPEAKER_1: We just get a dragon and put, you know, everyone just puts their money in the pile and we get the dragon to just guard the pile.
SPEAKER_2: This is also a thing that I want.
SPEAKER_2: Not necessarily a dragon, but I would also love to know how to best redistribute funds.
SPEAKER_2: It is a thing that is on my mind often as well.
SPEAKER_1: I'll take the dragon.
SPEAKER_1: I will have the dragon.
SPEAKER_2: Well, here's my idea.
SPEAKER_2: You know how the whole like shorthand in old movies for rich people, like the Scrooge McDuck, swimming in a bunch of money?
SPEAKER_2: What if we had like a pool full of money like that?
SPEAKER_2: But instead of people swimming in it, well, maybe they can swim in it, but people mostly are just kind of taking from it and putting into it and stuff.
SPEAKER_2: Now, here's the sort of concern with that is like, how do you stop bad actors?
SPEAKER_1: This is where the dragon comes in.
SPEAKER_2: Right.
SPEAKER_2: Tell me about how the dragon helps with this.
SPEAKER_1: See, you get the dragon when it's young, and you introduce it to like everyone who can take from the pile, the dragon pile, and when it grows up, it chars everybody else.
SPEAKER_2: So, okay, so I have some concerns.
SPEAKER_1: Is it about the charring?
SPEAKER_2: I mean, yes.
SPEAKER_2: That's one of them.
SPEAKER_2: One of them is, I don't know that we should kill people who we have not previously told the dragon to look out for.
SPEAKER_2: That's kind of my first concern, because there's lots of people who need money who we don't know.
SPEAKER_2: So my second concern is circumstances change.
SPEAKER_2: There may be people who, when the dragon is young, don't need the money.
SPEAKER_2: But when they're older, they need the money.
SPEAKER_2: So the dragon can't char everyone.
SPEAKER_2: Those are a couple of my concerns with the dragon guarding a hoard of money method.
SPEAKER_2: The other problem, though, is that it's really sick.
SPEAKER_2: It's really sick and cool.
SPEAKER_1: I have the solution, is we simply get another dragon every time we need to change the configuration.
SPEAKER_1: I see.
SPEAKER_1: Because then that dragon will just fight the other dragon long enough for them to go in, get the money, and get out.
SPEAKER_1: Otherwise, we just have two dragons teaming up, and that's even better.
SPEAKER_2: How many dragons are we going to get, and how do we get these dragons, and are we paying money for these dragons?
SPEAKER_1: We only need as many dragons every time we need to change the configuration.
SPEAKER_1: Don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_2: Sounds like a lot of, don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_2: Also sounds like a lot of bureaucracy it might take, because changing configuration, you know, people might need money like now, and we'd have to go in and change the configuration and raise a new dragon and all of that.
SPEAKER_2: And, you know, we don't want to necessarily be changing the dragons all the time, because people might need money now.
SPEAKER_2: So like, that's sort of my concerns with that.
SPEAKER_2: But the problem is that the dragons are cool.
SPEAKER_2: You know, like, sure, you know, there's ways to do community funds on GoFundMe, and there's ways to do other sorts of just like keeping an eye out and looking into stuff and all of that.
SPEAKER_1: So what we need is an ant eater, except instead of eating ants, it eats the smell of needing money.
SPEAKER_1: And so it tracks that down, and we just tie a little money to the ant eater, and they just take, they take it off the ant eater, and it goes away because they don't need money anymore.
SPEAKER_2: One of my concerns is like, can this ant eater actually eat the smell of needing money?
SPEAKER_2: Would it eat people who need money?
SPEAKER_1: No, what?
SPEAKER_1: Well, maybe.
SPEAKER_2: Right, that's sort of, I think getting animals involved in mutual aid in this way.
SPEAKER_1: They just kind of lick with the little tongue.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know that we need to subject people to that, you know?
SPEAKER_1: I think we're giving them life experiences and money.
SPEAKER_2: I'm glad that we are setting up all of these different ways to really just, we as people giving money to this fund are in fact, are making sure to push certain experiences on people in need.
SPEAKER_2: That is, this is a good way to do it.
SPEAKER_2: So again, you want it to not be a government is sort of what you originally said.
SPEAKER_2: And this just seems like government with mythical animals and extra steps.
SPEAKER_1: My specific thing was no gatekeeping like the government.
SPEAKER_1: I want it to be easily accessible.
SPEAKER_2: I see.
SPEAKER_2: So instead of gatekeeping, we're doing weird experiences with mythical animals.
SPEAKER_2: It's a different sort of gate in which you're not prevented from getting the money, but you are going to have an extremely strange and uncomfortable experience getting the money.
SPEAKER_1: You see, the gate is a metaphor.
SPEAKER_2: I think we could put a leprechaun in charge of this.
SPEAKER_1: Is a leprechaun a mythical animal?
SPEAKER_2: Mythical being, not an animal, but a being.
SPEAKER_2: I think if we could find a really good leftist leprechaun, which by the way, leftist leprechaun sounds like a fucking YouTuber that exists that I've never heard of, but everyone else seems to know.
SPEAKER_2: So the leftist leprechaun is going to...
SPEAKER_2: Because leprechauns already basically have a system set up to ensure that only some people get the money.
SPEAKER_2: And if we can just find one who believes in mutual aid, then this leprechaun can really set it up pretty cleanly.
SPEAKER_1: Taste the rainbow.
SPEAKER_1: Mutual aid the rainbow.
SPEAKER_2: Right.
SPEAKER_2: And I think it would be totally a cool experience to just give or you take from the fund.
SPEAKER_2: And when you do that, you have to go over this rainbow, right?
SPEAKER_2: And then the leprechaun helps you with your stuff and then you come back.
SPEAKER_2: And really, I think we'll need multiple leprechauns.
SPEAKER_2: We might need a leprechaun union of a sort.
SPEAKER_2: Though I suspect that leprechauns...
SPEAKER_2: Do you pay leprechauns with gold?
SPEAKER_2: With money?
SPEAKER_2: Or do they want other things?
SPEAKER_2: I'd have to look deep into my memory of leprechaun myths.
SPEAKER_2: What do leprechauns want?
SPEAKER_1: Chocolate?
SPEAKER_1: Rainbows?
SPEAKER_2: Pots?
SPEAKER_1: Where are they gonna keep all their money otherwise?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, we can help with the rainbow thing.
SPEAKER_1: That's fair.
SPEAKER_1: You have to be gay to unlock the leprechaun.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know about that.
SPEAKER_2: I think there are straight people who need money sometimes.
SPEAKER_1: Probably.
SPEAKER_1: But, you know, like anything, there's an end to funds and we have to pick our target audience, I guess.
SPEAKER_2: At the very least, they'll appreciate the rainbows we give them.
SPEAKER_1: This is gay supremacy.
SPEAKER_2: This is gay supremacy.
SPEAKER_1: Mm.
SPEAKER_2: Not sure.
SPEAKER_2: I'm not...
SPEAKER_1: Leprechaun gay supremacy is, I guess, just the solution now.
SPEAKER_2: Okay.
SPEAKER_2: Well, we didn't need to bring supremacy into it.
SPEAKER_2: Anytime we start talking about supremacy in regard to funds, I get a little bit nervous.
SPEAKER_2: Some alarm bells are going off.
SPEAKER_2: I was just imagining, you know, maybe we have to talk with Leprechaun, right?
SPEAKER_2: I don't know that we can decide what the Leprechaun wants.
SPEAKER_2: I think the Leprechaun has to tell us.
SPEAKER_1: What if the Leprechaun is a female supremacist?
SPEAKER_2: So do you mean female supremacist as in, like, Miss Andrie or as in, like, TERF?
SPEAKER_1: There is probably a TERF Leprechaun out there, right?
SPEAKER_2: Fucking Leprechaun with TERF bangs is the funniest thing to me.
SPEAKER_2: All these fucking Leprechaun males trying to get in the Leprechaun women's washroom.
SPEAKER_1: I missed your joke, but I hope the joke was trying to get in the women's pot of gold.
SPEAKER_2: Oh my god, that's so much better.
SPEAKER_1: Thanks, Slag.
SPEAKER_1: I'll never know.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, I'll know later when I'm editing.
SPEAKER_2: You will.
SPEAKER_2: I think we can put Leprechauns in charge of mutual aid.
SPEAKER_1: They know how to handle money.
SPEAKER_1: They do.
SPEAKER_2: They sure do.
SPEAKER_1: Do you want to give me the final craving?
SPEAKER_2: I would like to learn how to make my own clothes.
SPEAKER_1: Sewing.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: I would love to just know how to do that.
SPEAKER_1: Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_2: I don't super know where to start with all of that.
SPEAKER_2: So I want to learn to make my own clothes, in part because I don't want to support fast fashion and shitty businesses as much as I can avoid it.
SPEAKER_2: And secondly, because I've gotten really into vintage fashion and I would love to be able to like sew custom things and make big cool dresses and all of that.
SPEAKER_2: But I don't really know where to start.
SPEAKER_2: Obviously, like I took sewing back in the day and I can do like little like mending things, like putting a button back on or like sewing something to something else like in a really simple way.
SPEAKER_2: But I don't really know like where do you go to learn introductory sewing knowledge?
SPEAKER_2: Who has all the sewing knowledge?
SPEAKER_2: Because even when I search out and see like people talking about beginner sewer stuff, it's still like I don't know half the concepts that you're saying.
SPEAKER_2: I'm sure I will find someone at some point, but how to sew?
SPEAKER_1: I think you need to find your local grandmother.
SPEAKER_2: I see.
SPEAKER_1: Your grandmother patron, your sewing grandmother patron, who is sort of like a fairy godmother, but for sewing.
SPEAKER_2: The use of the word patron here implies a sort of, to me, a sort of warlock relationship, which I love.
SPEAKER_2: I think this is great.
SPEAKER_1: Look, granny's gonna sit you down and cast her spells, and you're gonna sew some magical threads.
SPEAKER_1: Half the items you make probably aren't going to be cursed, and that's going to be the ones you keep.
SPEAKER_2: Obviously, I can just kind of get out of this deal eventually when I know well enough, right?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I mean, every blood pact has an out.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, I didn't really realize this was a blood pact, but I guess grandmothers...
SPEAKER_1: Oh, yeah, you want the best clothing, don't you?
SPEAKER_1: You want the best knowledge for the best vintage clothing, and, you know, everything has a price.
SPEAKER_2: Everything does have a price.
SPEAKER_2: I suppose a blood pact makes sense.
SPEAKER_2: I would love to know what the out ends up being.
SPEAKER_2: But yeah, blood pact with a grandmother.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so what if I wanted to go for, like, a less commitment kind of option, you know?
SPEAKER_2: Something that involves less of a blood pact.
SPEAKER_1: It's less that you have to do a blood pact, but there are grandmas out there who will let you do it for, like, a centurion quilt, a quilt with a hundred patches.
SPEAKER_2: So that sort of seems like in order to learn how to sew, you need to know how to sew.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, no, it's a learning process.
SPEAKER_2: I see.
SPEAKER_1: The start of the quilt is fun.
SPEAKER_1: It's like the, um, not Bilbo, God, Rambo montage.
SPEAKER_2: No, it's Bilbo.
SPEAKER_2: Uh, now that's true.
SPEAKER_1: It's the Bilbo montage of running up the stairs and away from some elves, lifting some weights, and eventually by the end, you're shooting bows and doing power curls, except it's, you know, you're sewing really good.
SPEAKER_2: Clair.
SPEAKER_2: Yes?
SPEAKER_2: That's not Rambo, that's Rocky.
SPEAKER_2: I thought you were going to reference the fact that at some point, Rambo does in fact sew his own wound clothes.
SPEAKER_2: Well, there you go.
SPEAKER_1: There's the blood pack.
SPEAKER_2: The Rambo montage of getting prepared to box.
SPEAKER_2: Rambo, Bilbo, Rocky.
SPEAKER_1: It's the three of them.
SPEAKER_1: They're going to teach you how to sew, and they all have their own way, and they're all wrong in one way, but eventually you learn their failings and make it your own.
SPEAKER_1: You are the ultimate sewing master.
SPEAKER_2: I like that.
SPEAKER_2: That's good.
SPEAKER_2: What if there was like a magic sewing machine that as you were using it, it taught you how?
SPEAKER_1: Like a sewing machine with a YouTube video built in?
SPEAKER_2: Less of a YouTube video and more of like, ah, shit, it's kind of an AI.
SPEAKER_2: No more AIs.
SPEAKER_1: No, we can just get an old sewing machine and then we get the ghost out of it.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, that's smart.
SPEAKER_2: I bet the ghost would know all about that.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, the sewing ghost.
SPEAKER_1: We just need the, you know, I've the sews, the sews, sewing ghost.
SPEAKER_1: I see.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, the sews I think would be really helpful.
SPEAKER_2: Let's just be like, your sewing lines could be straighter.
SPEAKER_1: Fuck you, I'm not straight.
SPEAKER_2: That was a funny joke, but for real, you asked me for advice, so I'm giving it.
SPEAKER_1: Can ghosts flip you off?
SPEAKER_2: Fuck around and find out.
SPEAKER_1: God, I went dark in my brain for a sec.
SPEAKER_1: Like, I just, if we can't get the ghost out, because it does require spagma, we could always make a ghost.
SPEAKER_2: No!
SPEAKER_2: We're not gonna, why do all of the solutions to learning how to sew involve blood?
SPEAKER_2: We should be sewing with blood, not sew with it.
SPEAKER_1: Rocky demands it.
SPEAKER_1: Rocky demands blood.
SPEAKER_2: Grandma Bilbo, Rambo Rocky.
SPEAKER_1: Rambo Bilba.
SPEAKER_2: Rockbo Bilma.
SPEAKER_2: Demands blood to learn how to sew.
SPEAKER_1: Look, if you haven't pricked your finger at least once and drawn blood, are you really learning how to sew?
SPEAKER_2: Damn, that's a good point.
SPEAKER_1: Quote by Albert Einstein.
SPEAKER_2: Wow, I can't believe he said that.
SPEAKER_2: Well, if there's one thing I know, it's not how to sew, but it is how to make sure that we can solve all of these cravings.
SPEAKER_2: It's me, I am the Knight, and you've just...
SPEAKER_2: Oh, they are not pleased with our performance.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, no.
SPEAKER_2: They are throwing...
SPEAKER_2: Quick, grab the cravings.
SPEAKER_1: Get all the cravings you can grab.
SPEAKER_1: Just run, just book it.
SPEAKER_1: Grab them and go.
SPEAKER_2: Stop running.
SPEAKER_1: We don't need them.
SPEAKER_2: My loyal steed.
SPEAKER_2: Let us go.
SPEAKER_1: Huzzah.
SPEAKER_2: Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh.
SPEAKER_1: Great foley work.
SPEAKER_2: As we run away on our horses, tell them about the podcast.
SPEAKER_1: Hear ye, hear ye, you can find us at saltcravings.com, or on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook at Salt Cravings.
SPEAKER_1: You could submit your cravings at submissions at saltcravings.com, or you could go into the description and find lots of links to different trans women of color that you could give your money to.
SPEAKER_1: There's also maybe a dragon in there.
SPEAKER_1: Watch out, there's probably not a dragon.
SPEAKER_1: Probably.
SPEAKER_2: We will slay the dragon that is there!
SPEAKER_2: Ho, loyal steed, stop now!
SPEAKER_2: We shall need to stop for this piece of news.
SPEAKER_2: Why, yes.
SPEAKER_2: We know, in fact, the very date upon which this podcast shall end.
SPEAKER_2: It is as if we can see the future.
SPEAKER_2: We know when the finale livestream is going to be, at least tentatively, you know, obviously anything can change.
SPEAKER_2: But at this point, we're actually planning on going from July 1st to July 4th, doing some streams throughout those days.
SPEAKER_1: Four day stream, four day stream.
SPEAKER_2: Four day stream.
SPEAKER_2: You know, the idea is it's going to be us, it's going to be some folks that we know.
SPEAKER_2: If you want to get involved, let us know and we can we can figure something out.
SPEAKER_2: We're still obviously in planning stages, still several months out.
SPEAKER_2: We will have more information soon, but we figured we'd at least give you some dates to look out for.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, and also we're recording the last episode that day.
SPEAKER_2: Totally, yeah, one of those days is going to be the last episode.
SPEAKER_2: So yeah, again, we'll keep giving you information on the social media and also on the podcast itself.
SPEAKER_1: Games, games and discussions and talking.
SPEAKER_1: Hey, did you know that Twitch's second most popular group of channels is Just Chatting?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that sounds right.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, you're just just chatting on Twitch.
SPEAKER_1: Anyways, we're going to do more than just chatting sometimes.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, we're going to game and chat and chat and game.
SPEAKER_1: Game and chat and chat chat and game with Philbo and Rocky and the other one.
SPEAKER_1: I don't remember.
SPEAKER_2: And grandma.
SPEAKER_1: Don't forget about grandma.
SPEAKER_1: Never forget about grandma.
SPEAKER_1: She'll fucking hunt you down.
SPEAKER_2: She loves a good blood pack.
SPEAKER_1: You know, grandma always gives us five stars when she rates our podcast.
SPEAKER_1: My grandma says she loves my podcast.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, our grandmas all love our podcasts, and then they say, do you want to make a blood pact?
SPEAKER_2: And then we're like, no, grandma.
SPEAKER_2: She's like, I nearly got you that time though, didn't I?
SPEAKER_1: Almost that time.
SPEAKER_2: Shout out to grandmas.
SPEAKER_1: Shout out to grandmas.