SPEAKER_2: Broadcasting from the secret location of the Resistance Tower against the Evil Hierarchy.
SPEAKER_2: My code name is Brianna.
SPEAKER_1: And my code name is Clair.
SPEAKER_2: And today, we are as always bringing you the cravings that the Evil Dystopian Hierarchy doesn't want you to hear.
SPEAKER_2: The Evil Hierarchy, tuh.
SPEAKER_2: Sorry?
SPEAKER_1: You know, tuh, the Evil Hierarchy.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, tuh.
SPEAKER_2: The Evil Hierarchy, tuh.
SPEAKER_2: Doesn't want you to hear about these cravings.
SPEAKER_2: It's one of their evil traits as a dystopian hierarchy.
SPEAKER_2: And we're supporting all the warriors for freedom, like cat piss.
SPEAKER_2: Sorry.
SPEAKER_1: What?
SPEAKER_2: Cat piss has ever been.
SPEAKER_1: I think this is, this is golden.
SPEAKER_1: This is, this is really what a revolution looks like.
SPEAKER_2: Is standing with cat piss beside you.
SPEAKER_1: You had the chance, but no, it's, I really did.
SPEAKER_1: This is the cat piss pod podcast now.
SPEAKER_2: Cat piss ever since.
SPEAKER_1: Do you want to tell people a little bit more about this podcast that supports cat piss everywhere?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, we hear on the Revolutionary Broadcast, also known as a podcast because that's what Revolutionary Broadcasts are called in the universe we're in, obviously.
SPEAKER_2: We believe in talking about cravings.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, cravings.
SPEAKER_2: I say it, and I'm not afraid to say it.
SPEAKER_2: The evil the does not want you to hear it, but we talk about cravings here.
SPEAKER_2: And cravings are the things that you just feel you need, you know you need them.
SPEAKER_2: And here we talk about them, you know what, we'll solve them too.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, that's what it looks like to fight back against the the.
SPEAKER_1: I know it might be weird to have desires and wants when you are told exactly what you need in life, but it is OK, friend.
SPEAKER_1: There are others out there too who have cravings and you are allowed to say the word rise up.
SPEAKER_1: Cravers rise up.
SPEAKER_2: Cravers rise up.
SPEAKER_2: And with that spirit in mind, code name Clair, will you tell me your first craving of resistance?
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I just think that The Evil Hierarchy has just too much of a grip on this world.
SPEAKER_1: And, you know, it really just wants your energy levels for production, for production's sake.
SPEAKER_1: And my first craving is working for the sake of society rather than production.
SPEAKER_2: Huh, yeah, tell me what you mean by that.
SPEAKER_1: I mean exactly what I said.
SPEAKER_2: Do you want to elaborate?
SPEAKER_1: No, because otherwise I will be arrested by Tuh.
SPEAKER_2: But that's what we do here.
SPEAKER_2: We fight back against Tuh, and we risk being arrested, but we're not going to be arrested at the end of this podcast.
SPEAKER_2: We're definitely, that's not going to be our info.
SPEAKER_1: I think work can be good and healthy when it is done in a manner that both supports community in such a way that does not ask of people more than they can give.
SPEAKER_2: Are you saying that we could labor as a community together to make a more just and equitable system, and that labor doesn't have to be bad and horrible and draining?
SPEAKER_1: Yes, that is literally what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_2: But what if I hate Mondays?
SPEAKER_1: Oh, well, then I guess you don't have to labor on Mondays.
SPEAKER_1: Unless you like laboring, then you can do it all day.
SPEAKER_2: How are you going to clear that with my boss?
SPEAKER_1: Oh, well, look, your boss and the meat grinder have a date on Sunday, so I think your schedule is going to be clear for Monday.
SPEAKER_1: Don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, okay, cool.
SPEAKER_1: There will be hot dogs at the event, too.
SPEAKER_1: Don't ask what's in them.
SPEAKER_2: Well, as long as we're not seizing the means of production or anything.
SPEAKER_1: Only the memes of production.
SPEAKER_1: Thinking of memes of production, are there any good solutions for this craving?
SPEAKER_2: I mean, yeah, sure.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, we've talked about mutual aid on this podcast before, which is not the same thing.
SPEAKER_2: But like, the thing is, a lot of people have tried to solve this craving.
SPEAKER_1: Brianna, I do quickly want to remind you, this is a comedy revolutionary podcast.
SPEAKER_2: You're right.
SPEAKER_2: It's a comedy revolutionary podcast.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so we're gonna start a community.
SPEAKER_2: Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_2: Definitely not a commune and certainly not a cult.
SPEAKER_2: And it's gonna have people.
SPEAKER_1: Maybe a little bit of a cult?
SPEAKER_1: A little bit of a treat?
SPEAKER_1: On Wednesdays.
SPEAKER_1: It's the Wednesday cult.
SPEAKER_2: It's the Wednesday cult.
SPEAKER_2: We're gonna start a community, and we're all gonna work together to make the community good, and we will escape capitalism.
SPEAKER_2: So we'll fill all of the roles.
SPEAKER_2: What are some of the roles that we can fill if we work together and labor for each other instead of laboring for, you know, Yeah, we're definitely gonna need people to focus on food.
SPEAKER_1: You know, food is an essential part of life.
SPEAKER_1: And so I think I would be really good at that.
SPEAKER_1: I would bring gummy bears and jelly beans, and I just think I could be in charge of the snack department, you know?
SPEAKER_1: Really, it's just all gelatin.
SPEAKER_1: I think it's just gelatin all the way down.
SPEAKER_2: All gelatin all the time.
SPEAKER_2: We're gonna take those horse hooves.
SPEAKER_1: It's time to gelatinize the revolution.
SPEAKER_2: It's time to gelatinize the revolution, our famous slogan.
SPEAKER_2: I think another thing that's very useful would be child care, obviously.
SPEAKER_2: There will be children here.
SPEAKER_2: So it's good to have folks to look after those kids.
SPEAKER_2: I think I could do that very well.
SPEAKER_2: I would like to have kids someday.
SPEAKER_2: I like dealing with children.
SPEAKER_1: They're good.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, there wasn't a joke.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, no, I agree.
SPEAKER_2: And I will simply also teach them.
SPEAKER_2: And I will teach them all of the important subjects.
SPEAKER_1: Like Old English.
SPEAKER_2: Such as Old English.
SPEAKER_1: Brianna, if you teach them Old English, then Tuh can't understand the next generation of revolutionaries.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, I'll teach them.
SPEAKER_2: Here's all the subjects I'm going to teach the children.
SPEAKER_2: Old English, tabletop games, Star Wars, crime.
SPEAKER_1: I majored in crime, really.
SPEAKER_1: That was my focus of study.
SPEAKER_2: Mental health resources, how to deal with your mental health, how to reach out, how to ask for help.
SPEAKER_1: Weirdly, the syllabus is really close to Star Wars.
SPEAKER_2: We're going to teach them everything the Jedi didn't.
SPEAKER_1: Also, weirdly close to tabletop games, depending if you're the teacher.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_2: And lesbianism, that's the last skill that I'm going to teach.
SPEAKER_2: The children, obviously, nothing explicit.
SPEAKER_2: Of course, they're children.
SPEAKER_2: But they are going to learn that girls can hold hands with other girls.
SPEAKER_2: And that'll be great.
SPEAKER_2: I know.
SPEAKER_2: So that's the subjects that I'll be teaching in my new childcare area.
SPEAKER_2: What are some other roles that other folks might be able to fill for us?
SPEAKER_1: I think transport is probably important.
SPEAKER_1: And so I think we need to bring back an old staple of ours, which is a hoverboard.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, classic.
SPEAKER_1: But we need to make sure that it is personalized because, you know, it's all about accommodating different needs.
SPEAKER_1: And so I think it'll make different noises at you as you ride on it.
SPEAKER_1: It has three settings, duck, goose, and pigeon.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, so why those three?
SPEAKER_2: What do those kind of translate to?
SPEAKER_1: Well, they translate to ducks, geese, and pigeons.
SPEAKER_1: I think another role that I'm going to just gloss over the previous one is medicine.
SPEAKER_1: I forgot the word for medicine for a second.
SPEAKER_1: Don't worry about it, because I think we will too in the future, because it's not so much medicine, it's care.
SPEAKER_1: It's care.
SPEAKER_2: It's care.
SPEAKER_2: The great thing about it, we don't need pharmacies.
SPEAKER_1: Now, just to be clear, I don't want this to be read as like, who needs pills when you can go for a walk?
SPEAKER_2: But who does need pills when you can go for a walk?
SPEAKER_2: I don't take any medication, and I'm purer and better for it.
SPEAKER_1: More so that we would understand the neurodiscrepancies and have ways to mitigate that, and when it was not possible, provide the care of neuroundiscrepancies?
SPEAKER_2: I can't tell if you're talking about neurodivergence or if you're talking about medicine in general.
SPEAKER_1: I think medicine in general, trying to fix neurodivergence is very eugenics-y.
SPEAKER_2: Yes.
SPEAKER_1: But wait, we're occult on Wednesdays, so on Wednesdays, we have a little bit of eugenics.
SPEAKER_2: Well, don't worry, I've got our next role to fill.
SPEAKER_2: Mining.
SPEAKER_2: For gemstones.
SPEAKER_1: For gemstones.
SPEAKER_1: Now, I do want to say, you could have taken that anywhere, anywhere.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, what?
SPEAKER_2: Did you prefer I went for Bitcoin mining?
SPEAKER_2: Those are the only two options.
SPEAKER_1: I think we could mine for ideas.
SPEAKER_1: This is the think tank.
SPEAKER_2: Gold.
SPEAKER_1: Okay.
SPEAKER_2: All right.
SPEAKER_2: Maybe gold pan even.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know.
SPEAKER_2: Get crazy with it.
SPEAKER_1: Okay.
SPEAKER_1: So mining for gold.
SPEAKER_1: Is that mine?
SPEAKER_1: Is that gold mining Thursday?
SPEAKER_1: Is everyone?
SPEAKER_2: Great.
SPEAKER_1: I love the mandatory mining in our revolutionary not occult.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, we're only occult on Wednesdays.
SPEAKER_2: On Thursdays we're a mining operation.
SPEAKER_1: Monday to Tuesday is really when the revolutionary action happens.
SPEAKER_2: And Friday, I'm in love.
SPEAKER_2: Monday, you can fall apart.
SPEAKER_2: You know, Tuesday, Wednesday, break my heart.
SPEAKER_2: Thursday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, I'm in love.
SPEAKER_2: That's the schedule.
SPEAKER_2: That's the schedule of the new revolutionary cult-ish mining operation.
SPEAKER_1: It's posted on the barn door.
SPEAKER_1: Don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_1: You won't forget it.
SPEAKER_1: And if you do, you'll be taken in on a reconditioning Sunday.
SPEAKER_1: Brianna, do you have maybe another craving that we can come through and ruin with more cults?
SPEAKER_2: Saturday is our rest of the day.
SPEAKER_1: Don't worry.
SPEAKER_1: The day of our Lord and Savior.
SPEAKER_2: Jesus, but Saturday.
SPEAKER_2: Great.
SPEAKER_2: It's just Jesus.
SPEAKER_1: It's just Jesus.
SPEAKER_1: You do it for JJ.
SPEAKER_1: Just Jesus.
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_1: Give one up for JJ.
SPEAKER_1: Dude, go into the coal mines for JJ.
SPEAKER_1: Sorry, diamond mines for JJ.
SPEAKER_1: It's different.
SPEAKER_2: We're not monsters.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, please, please.
SPEAKER_1: A craving, please.
SPEAKER_1: Save me.
SPEAKER_1: I'm drowning.
SPEAKER_2: I'll tell a story and then by the end, it'll kind of become clear what what I'm kind of asking.
SPEAKER_2: Last night, I decided to do all of my laundry.
SPEAKER_2: Decided to wash like everything that I had, house coats, slippers, that sort of stuff, like really do a big old load.
SPEAKER_2: I put that load in the washer.
SPEAKER_2: We recently got the washer replaced a couple of weeks ago.
SPEAKER_2: Washer's been mostly working well, but it leaves the clothes and stuff pretty soaked, which normally is like, okay, well, it's a little bit annoying.
SPEAKER_2: Sometimes it takes a couple of dries, which is already kind of annoying enough, unless we can find a way to like make it so the washer doesn't get it as soaked.
SPEAKER_2: And so that's kind of one of the issues, but you know, that's doable.
SPEAKER_2: Except upon this lovely night last night, I put stuff in the dryer, started it a-rollin, put a second load in the washer, and come back to check on it.
SPEAKER_2: Washer's done, dryer has not, is not functioning.
SPEAKER_2: We try to finagle with it a bit.
SPEAKER_2: We get it to turn on, but then it doesn't like turn, and we smell the smell of burning.
SPEAKER_1: Oh no.
SPEAKER_2: So we stopped, although those were fine, but I now had two loads full of laundry that were all sopping wet, with no way to dry them, and a rack that could not in fact fit all of them.
SPEAKER_2: So last night was a very stressed experience.
SPEAKER_2: This was also a movie night that we do with some friends.
SPEAKER_2: So we worked it out, and everything got hung, and this morning we went over to a friend's place and threw everything in a dryer, and it's mostly dry now, though some of it's still fucking damp, and that's just the way of the world.
SPEAKER_2: All of this is to say, I simply crave for this to never happen to me again for as long as I live, because I was so stressed that everything was gonna mold.
SPEAKER_2: But we simply need to make it so the washers and dryers never break, and always work exactly how we want.
SPEAKER_2: So, thoughts?
SPEAKER_1: Well, first thought, bigger rack, just enormous rack.
SPEAKER_1: I think a lot of problems are solved.
SPEAKER_1: Problems are solved by a bigger rack, absolutely.
SPEAKER_1: Second idea.
SPEAKER_2: That's also the slogan for estrogen, I believe.
SPEAKER_1: Second idea.
SPEAKER_1: Tiny little person who lives in your washer or dryer, who has a lot of fun just fixing it and doing little things.
SPEAKER_1: It's just like, riding the laundry when you put your stuff in your dryer, it's like an amusement park ride, is the word I'm looking for.
SPEAKER_2: Hey, it's me, the washer and gnome.
SPEAKER_2: I sing songs all day and I do all the laundry.
SPEAKER_1: Or, I mean, we could bring back a classic, I think, Blowwetter, but it's now...
SPEAKER_2: God, you're really digging into the archives, huh?
SPEAKER_2: You've been opening up our museum full of all the boxes, like in Indiana Jones.
SPEAKER_1: Look, time is running out, just like in Indiana Jones, where you have to grab your hat at the last second.
SPEAKER_1: I stick my hand through the closing door, grab the Blowwetter as the last artifact I can take with me, and offer it to you as a solution to this craving.
SPEAKER_2: You have the key to the warehouse, right?
SPEAKER_2: I could just let you back in at any time.
SPEAKER_2: You don't have to...
SPEAKER_2: Did you not know?
SPEAKER_2: I thought I mentioned that I had the key.
SPEAKER_1: I did see the door, but it was locked.
SPEAKER_1: And I guess I just thought the front entrance wasn't a choice.
SPEAKER_2: We can just open it.
SPEAKER_2: You know what?
SPEAKER_2: Let me go over there.
SPEAKER_2: I'll just open it up.
SPEAKER_2: We can maybe get a carpeted bathtub, some handy helpers.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, great.
SPEAKER_2: We could get the giant dinosaurs we've made, I think is a thing we did once.
SPEAKER_2: Pull out some old videotapes of those fruity pirates.
SPEAKER_2: Get some spider cats.
SPEAKER_2: We've made a lot of stupid shit on this show.
SPEAKER_1: I think we should put some spider cats in your laundry machine.
SPEAKER_2: I think they would help.
SPEAKER_2: I think they would have a great time doing that.
SPEAKER_1: What if you just didn't use a laundry machine?
SPEAKER_1: What if you just gave your laundry to the spider cats?
SPEAKER_2: Okay, I thought we were going to go a different direction in which we were really doubling down on primitivism and just going to say no more machines.
SPEAKER_2: Now we go to the river to wash our laundry and then we go dry it on the line.
SPEAKER_2: Clothesline is what it's called.
SPEAKER_2: Those are clotheslines, right?
SPEAKER_1: Oh, I have an idea.
SPEAKER_1: Have you ever been to a Little Caesar, or maybe not a Little Caesar's, but God, what is it that Fresh Slice or any pizza place that kind of just has like has pizza ready to go?
SPEAKER_1: You know the machine they sort of stick the lukewarm pizza in to warm it up?
SPEAKER_2: Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_1: What if that was for clothes?
SPEAKER_2: Genius, genius.
SPEAKER_2: All right, so we put the clothes on the pizza, and then we...
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_2: That's a crucial part of it, right?
SPEAKER_2: We put them on the pizza.
SPEAKER_1: Right.
SPEAKER_2: We send it through the thing.
SPEAKER_1: This is delicious.
SPEAKER_2: It cooks them on the pizza, and then you eat the pizza, and you put on the clothes, and they're clean.
SPEAKER_1: You are what you eat, and so I think it's you wear what you eat.
SPEAKER_2: Alternatively, you know, what do they do to dry clean things?
SPEAKER_2: That doesn't seem like it should be that hard, you know?
SPEAKER_1: It's like a spray thing.
SPEAKER_2: Right.
SPEAKER_2: Why can't we just do that with everything?
SPEAKER_1: It's bad for the environment, I think.
SPEAKER_2: Ah, shit.
SPEAKER_2: God damn it.
SPEAKER_2: Ah, that environment.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, I know.
SPEAKER_2: Always getting in the way of progress and innovation.
SPEAKER_1: That's the thing we love on our revolutionary podcast is progress and innovation.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, you're a technologist.
SPEAKER_2: We love technology here, and there's only two options, either nature or technology.
SPEAKER_2: They're complete opposites and can't live in harmony.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_1: You reminded me of a thing I was going to ask you before we started recording.
SPEAKER_1: And I kind of just want to derail this and ask you, what would your Darth name be?
SPEAKER_2: Oh, God.
SPEAKER_2: You're hitting me with this, huh?
SPEAKER_1: In the middle of a talk about laundry.
SPEAKER_2: What?
SPEAKER_1: So clearly the answer is to become Darth Laundress.
SPEAKER_2: No, I would be Darth Sinisius.
SPEAKER_2: Darth Sinisius.
SPEAKER_2: It's like cynicism, but it's Sinisius because my evil Darth self is really cynical, right?
SPEAKER_2: So it's Darth Sinisius.
SPEAKER_1: That's really good.
SPEAKER_2: It was yours.
SPEAKER_1: So it's the reason that you actually reminded me was because I was like, oh, I would probably be like Darth Technoctuous or something.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, Darth Technoctuous.
SPEAKER_2: Absolutely.
SPEAKER_1: Just imagine like Doc Ock from Spider-Man, but wielding lightsabers in like six hands and four of those hands are robotic.
SPEAKER_1: It's like the best of Grievous and Anakin.
SPEAKER_1: It's like, what if Grievous and Anakin had a baby?
SPEAKER_2: I would love to see that baby.
SPEAKER_2: I would also, I think that that would be a hell of a sexy problem.
SPEAKER_1: What if Obi-Wan...
SPEAKER_2: What those four hands do.
SPEAKER_2: Am I right?
SPEAKER_1: Obi-Wan, instead of murdering Grievous, simply makes love to him and...
SPEAKER_2: What if...
SPEAKER_2: What if we dried our clothing by putting it close to lightsabers?
SPEAKER_1: Shit.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_2: We just warm it up with the lightsaber.
SPEAKER_1: The kyber crystal's ultimate use was for a lot...
SPEAKER_1: What if you just make a laundry saber?
SPEAKER_2: I love how much of a Star Wars nerd you've become that you know what a kyber crystal is.
SPEAKER_2: I knew what a kyber crystal was before.
SPEAKER_1: I've watched the Star Wars.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, uh-huh.
SPEAKER_2: That is the kyber crystal's ultimate use.
SPEAKER_2: To warm and dry your clothes.
SPEAKER_2: I mean, that's how the Jedi did it.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know how they had the fucking Jedi Service Corps.
SPEAKER_2: We can't get into the Jedi Service Corps.
SPEAKER_2: But basically, they had other Jedi who weren't as good at being cops to do their fucking laundry.
SPEAKER_1: That's me.
SPEAKER_1: I'm the not good at being a cop.
SPEAKER_1: I'm the Service Jedi.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you're in one of the Service Corps.
SPEAKER_1: I'm the Laundry Jedi.
SPEAKER_1: Darth Laundricus is me.
SPEAKER_1: Darth Technoctus takes off their mask, and it was Darth Laundricus the whole time.
SPEAKER_1: Nobody respected Darth Laundricus.
SPEAKER_1: That's why they became Darth Technoctus.
SPEAKER_1: They would all learn to respect Darth Laundricus.
SPEAKER_2: Except Darth Siniseus, who would come and try to kill Darth Laundricus.
SPEAKER_2: Now we're just doing a Star Wars RP.
SPEAKER_1: Anyway, Brianna, this is partially your fault.
SPEAKER_2: This is entirely my fault, but I feel that my craving has been solved, which means it's time to Burn That Craving.
SPEAKER_2: I've stolen it from you.
SPEAKER_2: It's mine now.
SPEAKER_2: I've stolen the bit because I have a new way to do this.
SPEAKER_2: Burn That Craving is the part of the show when we decide to dispose of our old cravings as we inch ever closer to the end of this dreadful, incredible, amazing, cursed podcast.
SPEAKER_1: Tell me how you really feel.
SPEAKER_2: Today on Burn That Craving, I think it would be fun for us to combine the old with the new.
SPEAKER_2: I want us to look at our list of cravings and choose a craving.
SPEAKER_2: We're going to do the competition thing that we did last time to see which is the most flammable, but we're going to choose a craving that's one of our first on the list.
SPEAKER_2: One of our oldest ones on the list.
SPEAKER_2: A craving that's one of our most recent ones on our list.
SPEAKER_2: And then a wild car.
SPEAKER_1: One of our most recent ones.
SPEAKER_1: Interesting.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, we're going to choose something that we put on the list recently, but we know is not going to not going to we want to burn it.
SPEAKER_2: Something that we put on the list a long time ago and that we have now admitting is never going to.
SPEAKER_1: It's never going to get there.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_2: We're going to get there.
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_1: I have I have my first one.
SPEAKER_1: The first one is old old, right?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, we're going to do old first.
SPEAKER_1: I keep thinking about last time when you were like, all of yours are very specific and all of mine are very conceptual.
SPEAKER_1: And you know what?
SPEAKER_1: I'm not changing.
SPEAKER_2: I'm also not changing.
SPEAKER_2: I think I think if I'm I think I know it's when I'm choosing.
SPEAKER_1: So first off, if you will remember what restaurants are, Brianna, I know it's been a while, but my first contender is The Nom, which is a very regional Vancouver restaurant.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, wow.
SPEAKER_2: Good fucking place, though.
SPEAKER_2: My first one is a really cohesive and mechanical magical system, like an Aragon, a book that I don't think is good, but as a as a youth, I was obsessed with the magic system from.
SPEAKER_2: So that's really conceptual and not particularly.
SPEAKER_2: I think The Nom could burn down much easier.
SPEAKER_1: My argument for The Nom was going to be that it is filled with so many vegans that they are just so flammable by nature.
SPEAKER_2: Is there something about vegans that makes them especially flammable?
SPEAKER_1: Because most of the people I know who go there are flaming homos.
SPEAKER_1: So that is my big argument.
SPEAKER_1: However, I feel like you could do some really good flammability magic if you had the right rules.
SPEAKER_2: There was literally, I mean, there was literally a spell in Aragon that involves splitting an atom and literally causing a nuke from your own body.
SPEAKER_2: Which is so fucked.
SPEAKER_2: Incredible spell.
SPEAKER_1: You're making me want to read this book?
SPEAKER_2: No, don't.
SPEAKER_2: I feel like if I read it today, I would probably hate it.
SPEAKER_2: But I did like the magic system because it felt like it made sense in terms of enemy usage.
SPEAKER_1: This is a real magic system.
SPEAKER_1: Fuck your fake fantasy bullshit magic system.
SPEAKER_2: This was real.
SPEAKER_2: Alright, so I'm going to give that to you.
SPEAKER_2: You know, again, the people can decide.
SPEAKER_2: Alright, and the second one.
SPEAKER_2: I'm going to burn the poetry without the points.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, mine is the setting of a table.
SPEAKER_2: Alright, I mean, mine is on paper.
SPEAKER_2: That's my argument for poetry without the points.
SPEAKER_1: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_1: Sorry.
SPEAKER_1: Are you burning the concept of rating poetry without points that doesn't need points, or are you burning the poetry itself that has been rated without points?
SPEAKER_2: The poetry that has not been rated with points.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_1: So if your poetry has ever been rated, it's disqualified in the burning.
SPEAKER_2: That's true.
SPEAKER_1: Got it.
SPEAKER_1: Great.
SPEAKER_1: So we're keeping only the poetry that matters.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, the real poetry.
SPEAKER_1: The real poetry.
SPEAKER_2: The thing about Burn That Craving that I do think is very funny is that we are in essence destroying the things that we think are important.
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_1: I think a table could be lit on fire, but I think you would need some po-
SPEAKER_1: I feel like there's so much more poetry that has not been rated, that is just this sheer amount.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it's just a pile of it.
SPEAKER_2: It's just a pile of fire.
SPEAKER_2: It's just a huge pile of paper.
SPEAKER_2: It can't get more flammable than that.
SPEAKER_1: I think poetry, I guess, wins that one.
SPEAKER_1: Also, not to be like, not to call us out, but part of me, and maybe this is just me, well, we're going back and forth because that's what's interesting.
SPEAKER_1: And there is actually a competition.
SPEAKER_1: I think I've TTRPG'd myself too much into being like, I think it's interesting if it's split.
SPEAKER_2: Clair, you can't just, Clair, you can't give away the fucking thing that we're doing as we're doing it.
SPEAKER_1: I can do whatever I want.
SPEAKER_1: You don't own me.
SPEAKER_2: Look at the script.
SPEAKER_2: We've scripted all of these fucking episodes, and you're ruining it.
SPEAKER_2: We've scripted everything.
SPEAKER_1: Right before, right before the end, I gave it all away that it was all scripted.
SPEAKER_2: Gave it all away.
SPEAKER_1: I guess from now on, we're just going to have to do improv.
SPEAKER_1: So what's the wild card?
SPEAKER_2: My wild card is changing your hair length at will.
SPEAKER_1: Damn.
SPEAKER_1: I think you did a similar one, changing your hair style at will.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, I see.
SPEAKER_1: This is the long and forgotten one.
SPEAKER_1: Mine, my gosh, mine, one is so specific.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, Brianna, you have to pick.
SPEAKER_1: Do you want the more or the less specific one?
SPEAKER_2: Give me that specificity.
SPEAKER_1: Trans women voices to be listened to when talking about trans misogyny.
SPEAKER_1: And then in brackets, it's nice that Judith Butler spoke up.
SPEAKER_2: This is about a very specific event from like a year and a half ago.
SPEAKER_2: Listen, I feel like a lot of people would burn trans women's voices if they could.
SPEAKER_2: And that's Burn That Craving, everyone.
SPEAKER_2: Clair hit me with that second craving.
SPEAKER_1: I'm inhaling the anti-trans misogyny fumes, and really, I think it's getting to my head.
SPEAKER_2: The trans misogyny fumes is now how I'm describing Twitter.
SPEAKER_1: Don't mind them, they've just been inhaling the trans misogyny fumes.
SPEAKER_1: I have been really craving an attention span as someone who has a billion projects.
SPEAKER_1: I guess not just projects, but also, you ever walk into a room and then be like, why was I in this room?
SPEAKER_1: Not only is my memory shit, but I feel like my attention span has shrunk since the pandemic has begun.
SPEAKER_1: I remember catching myself one day playing five different video games for five minutes each and be like, no, I'm bored now.
SPEAKER_1: And be like, I don't know what I want to do now.
SPEAKER_1: I don't want to.
SPEAKER_1: It's not, that's just an example.
SPEAKER_1: But anyways, yeah, I need an attention span.
SPEAKER_1: Brianna, how do I get an attention span?
SPEAKER_1: I know you're the master of this.
SPEAKER_2: So what we've learned, I think, throughout generations of coercive and shitty, quote unquote, treatment of things like ADHD and other attention-based disorders is that trying to force someone to have an attention span by just putting more and more deterrents in place and really pushing them to be forced to focus, that just doesn't work.
SPEAKER_2: We know that that doesn't work.
SPEAKER_2: And so I've decided to go the other way.
SPEAKER_2: We're going to overload you.
SPEAKER_2: We're going to completely just overwhelm you, make it so that you can't focus on anything to such a degree that it loops back around like in those-
SPEAKER_1: Like a null pointer.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, exactly like a null pointer.
SPEAKER_2: Thank you for knowing what it's called.
SPEAKER_1: It's not what it's called, but we can call it that.
SPEAKER_2: We can call it that.
SPEAKER_2: It's gonna be like that.
SPEAKER_2: So we just need to cross the threshold of you literally cannot concentrate on anything for a millisecond, and then it'll just snap, and you will have the attention span of a god.
SPEAKER_2: You will be able to do anything.
SPEAKER_2: You will be incredible.
SPEAKER_1: So simply become god.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, we're gonna make you god by pushing your lack of attention span so hard that it flips back around to being an attention span.
SPEAKER_1: We're gonna attack and dethrone god by overloading them with the help of JJ.
SPEAKER_1: Our good friend JJ is gonna help us in getting to god.
SPEAKER_1: Shout out to JJ.
SPEAKER_1: He showed me his back door, and now he's showing me the back door into god.
SPEAKER_2: Are you implying that you fucked Jesus in the asshole?
SPEAKER_2: Excuse me?
SPEAKER_1: No, JJ showed me his nice garden in the backyard.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, I was confused because you're a lesbian, and as far as I'm aware, I don't think...
SPEAKER_1: And then I used my strap on to fuck lesbian JJ in the butthole, yes.
SPEAKER_2: Okay, is JJ like a he-him lesbian?
SPEAKER_2: Is that the sort of stitch we're realizing here?
SPEAKER_2: He-they Jesus, he-they Jesus.
SPEAKER_1: He-they JJ on our commune.
SPEAKER_2: That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard in my life.
SPEAKER_2: He-they JJ on our commune.
SPEAKER_1: Showing us all the back door.
SPEAKER_1: So, about that attention span.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, so we're going to have to overload you.
SPEAKER_2: I think a lot of stimulus is going to be important here.
SPEAKER_2: I'm thinking multiple screens, right?
SPEAKER_2: Two screens is not enough.
SPEAKER_1: I have three in front of me right now.
SPEAKER_2: You have two monitors.
SPEAKER_1: I have three.
SPEAKER_2: You have three.
SPEAKER_2: I have three.
SPEAKER_2: Not enough.
SPEAKER_2: We need, you know, those like, like, you know, cartoonish security cam setups.
SPEAKER_1: It's like 20 different screens.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, they're all giving you, like, like, there's a lot of stimulus, like, happening for each of them.
SPEAKER_1: Ten shows, three video games happening, like, a documentary.
SPEAKER_1: Someone's reading something on one.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: And then I'm just reading three text documents.
SPEAKER_1: And also preparing another game to run.
SPEAKER_1: But only one.
SPEAKER_2: Yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_2: While this is happening, you're, like, getting snippets of audio from each of them every, like, half a second that just, like, is increasing in time.
SPEAKER_2: First, you're getting a different audio every one second.
SPEAKER_2: Then you're getting it once every half second.
SPEAKER_2: Then you're getting it once every, like, quarter of a second.
SPEAKER_2: And then until we get to that important one millisecond point.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_1: So I'm sort of, like, microdosing media.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, you're microdosing media here.
SPEAKER_2: This is sort of, like, limitless, if you think about it.
SPEAKER_1: I've never seen that, but okay.
SPEAKER_2: I also have it, but I think I can talk on it.
SPEAKER_2: And I think that basically what happens in that movie, if you ask me, is that they overload their brains with amount of media input until they unlock the 90% of their brain that you're not using at any given time, as we know that's science, and that makes sense.
SPEAKER_1: Look, sometimes I feel like I'm not using 90% of my brain.
SPEAKER_1: I'm gonna be honest.
SPEAKER_2: Listen, I wish I wasn't using 100% of my brain.
SPEAKER_2: I've got to just take it out.
SPEAKER_2: We're done.
SPEAKER_2: It's uncooked.
SPEAKER_1: Just an ice cream scoop, and there we go.
SPEAKER_2: That's how we're gonna unlock that attention span for you.
SPEAKER_2: Is there, like, another thing that would help overwhelm you there?
SPEAKER_2: Or do you think that you're gonna need more kind of stimulus there?
SPEAKER_1: I think as long as JJ is there with me, I think I will find a way to have enough stimulus.
SPEAKER_1: So I think I'm good.
SPEAKER_1: So I think we can move on to the next craving.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I think I'm good.
SPEAKER_2: Kill you.
SPEAKER_2: Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_2: I want to talk about underwear.
SPEAKER_1: I need to put JJ in the other room.
SPEAKER_1: He gets a little frantic around underwear discussions.
SPEAKER_1: All right.
SPEAKER_1: You're good.
SPEAKER_2: He's so horny.
SPEAKER_2: It's really incredible.
SPEAKER_2: They never taught me about it in the Bible.
SPEAKER_2: Anyway, I'm specifically thinking about vintage or like old undergarments, because people used to wear so much clothing under their clothing.
SPEAKER_2: I think it's just so neat.
SPEAKER_2: I have a petticoat now.
SPEAKER_2: I also have a crinoline, which helps make my vintage dresses that I own really poofy.
SPEAKER_2: And that's really fun and cute, and I love that.
SPEAKER_2: And it's great.
SPEAKER_2: But there's also corsets, which are great fun, which I don't own, and those are really neat.
SPEAKER_2: And then you think about stays.
SPEAKER_2: But there's an entire world of old timey undergarments that I think it's a shame that we've abandoned it all, because it's so many layers.
SPEAKER_2: And obviously, this is not meant to be prescriptive, of course.
SPEAKER_2: But there's so much old underwear, and I'm just fascinated by it.
SPEAKER_2: People used to wear so much under their clothes.
SPEAKER_2: You used to have to, especially if you were a wealthy person, a servant used to have to help you change, because you were wearing so goddamn many clothes.
SPEAKER_2: Have you ever seen what stays look like?
SPEAKER_1: I'm going to Google.
SPEAKER_1: I feel like if I Google a stay, a stay clothes.
SPEAKER_1: A stay clothes.
SPEAKER_1: A stay clothing.
SPEAKER_1: Terminology.
SPEAKER_1: What's the difference between stays, jumps, and a corset?
SPEAKER_1: It kind of just looks like a corset.
SPEAKER_2: I haven't read anything.
SPEAKER_2: You also have to understand this is like worn over and under shirt.
SPEAKER_2: The thing about it is like, you know, when people think about like corsets, they're like, oh, yeah, of course, it's just worn directly over your boobs.
SPEAKER_2: Obviously not.
SPEAKER_2: No, no one wore a corset directly over their naked body.
SPEAKER_2: No, there was like an under shirt thing.
SPEAKER_2: The stays is the kind of general term, I believe, for like the whole kind of deal.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_1: Because it stays.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it stays.
SPEAKER_2: Stays in place.
SPEAKER_2: Corsets were good.
SPEAKER_2: Well, they weren't good.
SPEAKER_2: They were also bad, but they weren't as bad as people think they were.
SPEAKER_2: It's a whole thing.
SPEAKER_2: They weren't that much worse than bras.
SPEAKER_2: Unless you tried to wear them really tight, which is like a stupid thing that was in fashion sometimes, but also sometimes wasn't.
SPEAKER_2: What is the next era of underwear going to look like?
SPEAKER_2: Because we've gone from this kind of deal where you have the under clothes and then a corset or whatever, under your main dress, and then over that you might have another thing.
SPEAKER_2: You're looking at three layers minimum, probably four.
SPEAKER_2: But now we're down to just a bra and some panties, and that's kind of it.
SPEAKER_2: So what's the future like?
SPEAKER_2: What do we got to look forward to in terms of underwear?
SPEAKER_1: I do like this question.
SPEAKER_1: I quickly want to say I do own a corset.
SPEAKER_1: I don't know if that'll solve your problem directly.
SPEAKER_1: I also will say I don't wear bras anymore, so maybe I'm not even the one to answer this.
SPEAKER_2: Well, there you go.
SPEAKER_2: No, you're stepping us into the future, I think.
SPEAKER_1: But the thing is I'm just following the path of those who came before me, both titties out, both beautiful.
SPEAKER_1: We know the saying.
SPEAKER_2: It's true.
SPEAKER_2: We do know the saying.
SPEAKER_2: At this point, I do still wear a bra because my titties are...
SPEAKER_1: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_1: Goddamn fat titties.
SPEAKER_2: I got them fat titties.
SPEAKER_1: One of my things that I was going to think is you sort of need a percolator for the titty.
SPEAKER_1: What if only under the boob?
SPEAKER_1: I don't know how to describe the thing I'm imagining in a way that sounds normal, so I'm just going to say the bad way, which is like a doorstop for your titties.
SPEAKER_2: I love this because I was also just thinking of something similar, which is...
SPEAKER_1: Similar to the titty doorstop.
SPEAKER_2: I think I'm accidentally veering into rope bunny territory.
SPEAKER_2: But you know when there's a platform in a video game that's held up by rope or whatever and it goes up and down?
SPEAKER_2: You know what I'm referring to?
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it's like that, but the platform's under the titty, the rope goes around the titty, and it ties around the back of your neck or whatever.
SPEAKER_1: I hate the neck thing because personally, this is why I don't wear bras anymore.
SPEAKER_1: It's back pain and neck pain and everything.
SPEAKER_1: How does this avoid neck pain?
SPEAKER_1: Does someone just hold it for you?
SPEAKER_2: Maybe it just goes around your shoulder and it ties around your shoulder armpit type of thing.
SPEAKER_2: That part of your body, and it does that on both sides.
SPEAKER_1: I had one suggestion, because we all know fashion doesn't have to be convenient.
SPEAKER_1: You could hold it sort of like a clutch, right?
SPEAKER_1: It's just a system of pulleys such that you kind of just always have like a little clutch bag.
SPEAKER_2: I'm just imagining a little thing that you like pull down and your titties just perk up.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, thank you.
SPEAKER_2: That is literally, yeah.
SPEAKER_2: It's really good.
SPEAKER_2: It's a titty lover.
SPEAKER_2: I would also like to imagine a potential bra of the future, which is it looks like a pair of hands.
SPEAKER_2: It just holds up your titties.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I think that's it.
SPEAKER_2: That's kind of it.
SPEAKER_2: And then do you think kind of, we don't have to get, you know, detailed or anything.
SPEAKER_1: Graphic.
SPEAKER_2: But are we talking bigger or smaller in terms of down there underwear?
SPEAKER_2: Like, are we talking...
SPEAKER_2: Like, are we going back to your underwear is like Long John's type deal, or is it going to just get smaller and smaller?
SPEAKER_2: Like, we're already at thongs.
SPEAKER_2: That's pretty small.
SPEAKER_1: That is pretty small.
SPEAKER_1: And I feel like there are smaller things than thongs already.
SPEAKER_1: So maybe this is a little tone brand for me, but you said Long John's and I immediately was like, yeah, you know what?
SPEAKER_1: I could just like wear those instead of pants if it became acceptable.
SPEAKER_1: I would just do that.
SPEAKER_1: That with a t-shirt and that would be my...
SPEAKER_1: And actually, no, Long John's and a jacket and that's it.
SPEAKER_2: What you're describing is like leggings, but you're just not wearing underwear with leggings, which is bold, which is admittedly it's bold.
SPEAKER_1: So that's the way that I'm going to sort of coax fashion towards, if I have any say in it.
SPEAKER_2: I'm sort of imagining, because in the future, obviously everything will be augmented reality.
SPEAKER_2: I'm just going to put a black bar in front of my like kind of business.
SPEAKER_1: Scott Pilgrim voice, how are you doing that with your crotch?
SPEAKER_2: Yes, absolutely.
SPEAKER_2: I think any of these could be the underwear of the future, or we could just go back to the way things were, because obviously everything is always better in the past, and that's definitely what I'm advocating.
SPEAKER_2: There were no problems with anything in the past ever, if you ignore literally everything.
SPEAKER_1: Look, if the past was bad, that would mean that the present day is bad, and that can't be true.
SPEAKER_1: Got you liberals.
SPEAKER_2: And of course, all of this is satire, because we're the resistance against the hierarchy.
SPEAKER_2: And we are so confident that we're not going to get arrested for making this resistance podcast.
SPEAKER_1: Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Power to the people and to the non-hierarchies.
SPEAKER_2: And the cravings.
SPEAKER_1: And the craving powers.
SPEAKER_1: This has been the Salt Cravings Radio Broadcast.
SPEAKER_1: You can find us at saltcravings.com, but don't look too closely, because we'll disappear because it's underground.
SPEAKER_1: You can also find us, but not really, because again, it's underground and it doesn't kind of really work with this bit at all.
SPEAKER_1: It's on social media, at Salt Cravings, on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook, those old places that don't exist anymore.
SPEAKER_2: In the dystopian universe, you can submit cravings to us at submissions at saltcravings.com, or you can save those cravings for our livestream, which will be from July 1st to the 4th.
SPEAKER_2: We're gonna be there, you're gonna be there, I hope.
SPEAKER_2: Come hang out, it'll be fun.
SPEAKER_2: As always, show your support for The Resistance.
SPEAKER_2: The Resistance?
SPEAKER_2: But like in real life, but like actually...
SPEAKER_1: But like actually in the real life.
SPEAKER_2: But like actually help people out by donating to, links in the description.
SPEAKER_1: With real money, real resistance.
SPEAKER_2: Like we're not in the bit right now.
SPEAKER_1: But like for real right now.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, if you got it, flaunt it.
SPEAKER_2: If I flaunt it, I mean donate it.
SPEAKER_1: Flaunt it for JJ.
SPEAKER_2: If you wanna leave a rating review, fucking go do it.
SPEAKER_1: Go leave a review.
SPEAKER_1: It's like, I did this for JJ.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, uh-huh.
SPEAKER_2: Hey, do you hear a knock at the door that sounds like the dystopian hierarchy coming to arrest us?
SPEAKER_1: Weird.
SPEAKER_1: It almost does sound like that.
SPEAKER_1: Let me go check and see if I need to offer any tea.
SPEAKER_1: Oh my god, it's the hierarchy.
SPEAKER_2: Oh my god, I never could have seen.
SPEAKER_2: Oh wait, that's actually just our friends dressed up in the uniforms of the hierarchy.
SPEAKER_2: My fucking audio is so fucking, it has, something's shifted.
SPEAKER_2: Something's shifted and changed, and I have no clue what the fuck it is.
SPEAKER_1: Like, do you mean louder?
SPEAKER_1: Like, quieter?
SPEAKER_2: I'm way louder.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, is your gain up?
SPEAKER_2: No, it's still down at the minimal.
SPEAKER_2: I'm trying to, I'm attempting to adjust it, but it is very strange today.
SPEAKER_1: Are you peeking?
SPEAKER_2: Um, yes.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_1: I was gonna be like, it sounds fine, but yeah, I'm, so Discord is doing its job, but yeah.
SPEAKER_2: I don't know what's up with it.
SPEAKER_2: I wouldn't mind so much, except it is definitely picking up chair sounds.
SPEAKER_1: Maybe that's just a squeaky chair problem.
SPEAKER_2: Which is a concern to me.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, but it hasn't been before, so I don't know what's happening with it currently.
SPEAKER_2: We may just have to live with it.
SPEAKER_1: I've definitely heard your chair in recordings before.
SPEAKER_2: Totally, totally, totally.
SPEAKER_2: But this is way more than it has been.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, extra chair.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, my, my also just like my levels are massive.
SPEAKER_1: You know what they say about Brianna?
SPEAKER_1: She's got massive levels.
SPEAKER_2: Huge levels.
SPEAKER_2: If you know what I mean.
SPEAKER_2: Massive, huge honking levels.
SPEAKER_2: I just on a different recording type.
SPEAKER_1: Please Brianna, share your honking levels with us.
SPEAKER_1: Please may I have a crumb of levels?
SPEAKER_2: How's this?
SPEAKER_2: Is this any better?
SPEAKER_2: How's this sound?
SPEAKER_2: How's this look?
SPEAKER_1: Does this look infected?
SPEAKER_1: It sounds fine.
SPEAKER_1: Do you want to clap?
SPEAKER_1: Do you want to do the ritual?
SPEAKER_1: Brianna claps back.
SPEAKER_2: The bitch fat claps back.
SPEAKER_2: Five seconds?
SPEAKER_2: Yep.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, I was way too early.
SPEAKER_1: Ten seconds please.
SPEAKER_1: Okay, I was good on that one.
SPEAKER_2: We're gonna go with that.
SPEAKER_2: We're gonna roll with this.
SPEAKER_1: We're gonna roll with it.
SPEAKER_2: Hot and dangerous.
SPEAKER_2: Uh-huh.